Fic: I love you but those pants are fugly
Title: I love you but those pants are fugly
Rating: R
Genre: Crack
Summary: Written in response to this sorta prompt by orphica
Disclaimer: I do not own Pinto, unfortunately. I may have owned similar pants a few years back but fortunately I threw them out.
Author Notes: Un-beta'ed.
"I've picked the outfit I'm gonna wear for Kate's party next weekend."
Chris raises his head expectantly and looks in direction of the bedroom after hearing his boyfriend call over to him. And he can't help but grin at the images in his mind: hopefully very tight bell-bottom jeans, or maybe a Travolta-like suit that would look both ridiculous and hot. But when Zach emerges from the room Chris' jaw drops and his eyes widen at the utter hideousness he's facing.
"Not bad, huh?" Zach grins, completely misinterpreting Chris' facial expression.
Oh Jesus fucking Christ!
"Um…" But Chris has the solution. Quickly and without further looking at the horrors that are snake-skin flares, he gets up from the couch and crosses the distance between them. Closing his eyes when he kisses Zach distractingly, his fingers fumble for the fly of the pants, and just a few seconds the crime against all sense for aesthetics is lying on the floor, kicked to the side as Chris kneels down to take Zach's cock in his mouth.
"That hot, huh?"
The groan of annoyance probably sounds like one of arousal.
~*~
"Surprise!"
Chris' heart starts to flutter as he hears the familiar voice from the entrance area of his own house. Half with joy and half startled because, damn, that sneaky bastard let himself in real quietly.
"Zach!" Rushing from the kitchen to the hall, a huge grin on his face, Chris suddenly stops dead in his tracks as his eyes take in the sight in front of him.
A duffle bag at his feet, Zach stands there, arms spread in a 'look at me' kind of way, eyebrow raised and a crooked smirk on his lips. It does not distract from the blindingly ugly sight further down.
Seriously??
"I know how said you were that you missed the party because you were in New York," Zach starts, "which is why I thought we'd simply turn your place into Studio 54 and have our own little party."
Chris forces a smile but just wants to scream. There's only one way to get out of this, namely, getting Zach out of those.
"Oh… woah… oh!" Zach giggles as he almost stumbles over the pants at his feet. "If that is our new default greeting I have no reason to complain."
Chris does, but then again, sucking Zach off instead of telling him the truth isn't all that bad.
~*~
Oh this is getting ridiculous.
Two weeks later Chris once again stares in horror at the ugliest, most abhorrent item of clothing that was ever designed, and he already thinks about simply excusing himself and turning around on his heel.
"You know, normally I wear sweat-pants at home but I thought since you're coming by…" Zach wriggles his eyebrows and looks down at himself while Chris still stands in the open door of Zach's house.
"Why don't you simply ask for a blowjob?" Chris says somewhat exasperatedly.
Zach's brow furrows as he closes the door after having let his boyfriend in. "Of course that would be an alternative. But I thought, since these turn you on so much…" He grins again and moves his hips in what is supposed to be a sexy dance move, only that it isn't. Because with those things on nothing Zach could do or say could ever be sexy.
"Okay, then let's get you out of them!" Chris says enthusiastically. Probably a little too much but Zach doesn't seem to notice.
Afterwards, they have both collapsed onto the couch. Zach still is, except for the tight T-shirt he is wearing, gloriously naked and Chris pleased that the snake-skin pants are nowhere in sight. Until Zach suddenly gets up and reaches for them.
"Wow, Chris, you really amaze me. I had no idea you had such a weakness for clothes that have been out of fashion for over three decades. What do you say I put them back on and return the favor?" He goes back to where Chris is sitting, trying hard not to let his dread show. Leaning in, Zach whispers: "Since the sight seems to please you so much that you can't stand leaving me in them for more than thirty seconds." He stands back up again, the bell-bottoms in his hands without him making an effort to put them on just jet, fingers sliding over the smooth synthetic fiber material. "Maybe I should get a second pair. They're not the best quality and I'm afraid they might rip one of these days when you tear them from my body. That online shop even had them in pink. What do you say?"
Yeah, what does he say?
"I'd totally wear them when we go visit your folks next week, but then again I suppose that might not be such a good idea. I mean, they really do have quite the amazing effect on you. One might even get the ridiculous and unlikely idea you don't want to see me in them at all."
Oh, now he gets it. The same moment Chris blushes in a mix of anger, embarrassment and amusement, Zach laughs out and his whole face lights up. But not only with mischief. There's something very warm and gentle in his brown eyes as he lets the pants fall to the ground and kneels in front of the couch to take Chris' hands in his.
"You're an ass you know that?"
"And you're adorable," Zach chuckles. "Babe, why didn't you simply tell me?"
Chris shrugs and feels a pout on his lips. "I… well… I dunno. I didn't want to insult your fashion sense."
"My fashion sense? You should know me enough by now to know that I found them as fugly as you did and only wore them because they matched the theme of the party."
Well, now that he hears it it does make sense.
"When did you figure?" Chris asks, suddenly feeling dumb.
Zach bites his lower lip and grins apologetically.
"No way!"
"Well, you were sort of obvious."
Although Chris feels like sulking he doesn't pull away when Zach leans in and kisses him, and the vague feeling of annoyance and shame vanishes within seconds, warm, soft lips softly brushing against his.
"I suppose I owe you three blowjobs?" Zach asks, grinning and Chris glares at him defiantly but also with a smile twitching around the corners of his mouth.
"Ten!"
"Whatever you want," Zach replies as his hand reaches for the belt on Chris' jeans.
"Oh, and one more thing," Chris quickly interjects before all coherent words leave him. "Let's burn those pants."
Zach chuckles. "But the fumes from that plastic fabric would cause too high air pollution. I'll give them away."
That, Chris thinks as he feels that wonderful mouth on his dick a moment later, is something he can absolutely live with.
~ The End ~
Rating: R
Genre: Crack
Summary: Written in response to this sorta prompt by orphica
Disclaimer: I do not own Pinto, unfortunately. I may have owned similar pants a few years back but fortunately I threw them out.
Author Notes: Un-beta'ed.
"I've picked the outfit I'm gonna wear for Kate's party next weekend."
Chris raises his head expectantly and looks in direction of the bedroom after hearing his boyfriend call over to him. And he can't help but grin at the images in his mind: hopefully very tight bell-bottom jeans, or maybe a Travolta-like suit that would look both ridiculous and hot. But when Zach emerges from the room Chris' jaw drops and his eyes widen at the utter hideousness he's facing.
"Not bad, huh?" Zach grins, completely misinterpreting Chris' facial expression.
Oh Jesus fucking Christ!
"Um…" But Chris has the solution. Quickly and without further looking at the horrors that are snake-skin flares, he gets up from the couch and crosses the distance between them. Closing his eyes when he kisses Zach distractingly, his fingers fumble for the fly of the pants, and just a few seconds the crime against all sense for aesthetics is lying on the floor, kicked to the side as Chris kneels down to take Zach's cock in his mouth.
"That hot, huh?"
The groan of annoyance probably sounds like one of arousal.
~*~
"Surprise!"
Chris' heart starts to flutter as he hears the familiar voice from the entrance area of his own house. Half with joy and half startled because, damn, that sneaky bastard let himself in real quietly.
"Zach!" Rushing from the kitchen to the hall, a huge grin on his face, Chris suddenly stops dead in his tracks as his eyes take in the sight in front of him.
A duffle bag at his feet, Zach stands there, arms spread in a 'look at me' kind of way, eyebrow raised and a crooked smirk on his lips. It does not distract from the blindingly ugly sight further down.
Seriously??
"I know how said you were that you missed the party because you were in New York," Zach starts, "which is why I thought we'd simply turn your place into Studio 54 and have our own little party."
Chris forces a smile but just wants to scream. There's only one way to get out of this, namely, getting Zach out of those.
"Oh… woah… oh!" Zach giggles as he almost stumbles over the pants at his feet. "If that is our new default greeting I have no reason to complain."
Chris does, but then again, sucking Zach off instead of telling him the truth isn't all that bad.
~*~
Oh this is getting ridiculous.
Two weeks later Chris once again stares in horror at the ugliest, most abhorrent item of clothing that was ever designed, and he already thinks about simply excusing himself and turning around on his heel.
"You know, normally I wear sweat-pants at home but I thought since you're coming by…" Zach wriggles his eyebrows and looks down at himself while Chris still stands in the open door of Zach's house.
"Why don't you simply ask for a blowjob?" Chris says somewhat exasperatedly.
Zach's brow furrows as he closes the door after having let his boyfriend in. "Of course that would be an alternative. But I thought, since these turn you on so much…" He grins again and moves his hips in what is supposed to be a sexy dance move, only that it isn't. Because with those things on nothing Zach could do or say could ever be sexy.
"Okay, then let's get you out of them!" Chris says enthusiastically. Probably a little too much but Zach doesn't seem to notice.
Afterwards, they have both collapsed onto the couch. Zach still is, except for the tight T-shirt he is wearing, gloriously naked and Chris pleased that the snake-skin pants are nowhere in sight. Until Zach suddenly gets up and reaches for them.
"Wow, Chris, you really amaze me. I had no idea you had such a weakness for clothes that have been out of fashion for over three decades. What do you say I put them back on and return the favor?" He goes back to where Chris is sitting, trying hard not to let his dread show. Leaning in, Zach whispers: "Since the sight seems to please you so much that you can't stand leaving me in them for more than thirty seconds." He stands back up again, the bell-bottoms in his hands without him making an effort to put them on just jet, fingers sliding over the smooth synthetic fiber material. "Maybe I should get a second pair. They're not the best quality and I'm afraid they might rip one of these days when you tear them from my body. That online shop even had them in pink. What do you say?"
Yeah, what does he say?
"I'd totally wear them when we go visit your folks next week, but then again I suppose that might not be such a good idea. I mean, they really do have quite the amazing effect on you. One might even get the ridiculous and unlikely idea you don't want to see me in them at all."
Oh, now he gets it. The same moment Chris blushes in a mix of anger, embarrassment and amusement, Zach laughs out and his whole face lights up. But not only with mischief. There's something very warm and gentle in his brown eyes as he lets the pants fall to the ground and kneels in front of the couch to take Chris' hands in his.
"You're an ass you know that?"
"And you're adorable," Zach chuckles. "Babe, why didn't you simply tell me?"
Chris shrugs and feels a pout on his lips. "I… well… I dunno. I didn't want to insult your fashion sense."
"My fashion sense? You should know me enough by now to know that I found them as fugly as you did and only wore them because they matched the theme of the party."
Well, now that he hears it it does make sense.
"When did you figure?" Chris asks, suddenly feeling dumb.
Zach bites his lower lip and grins apologetically.
"No way!"
"Well, you were sort of obvious."
Although Chris feels like sulking he doesn't pull away when Zach leans in and kisses him, and the vague feeling of annoyance and shame vanishes within seconds, warm, soft lips softly brushing against his.
"I suppose I owe you three blowjobs?" Zach asks, grinning and Chris glares at him defiantly but also with a smile twitching around the corners of his mouth.
"Ten!"
"Whatever you want," Zach replies as his hand reaches for the belt on Chris' jeans.
"Oh, and one more thing," Chris quickly interjects before all coherent words leave him. "Let's burn those pants."
Zach chuckles. "But the fumes from that plastic fabric would cause too high air pollution. I'll give them away."
That, Chris thinks as he feels that wonderful mouth on his dick a moment later, is something he can absolutely live with.
~ The End ~