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My Entry for the Hogsmeade Fiction Challenge # 4. The theme tratiors. The challenge was to write the scene of betrayal.
Of everything I entered, this was the best I think. Please let me know what you think.
The First LieSeverus knelt on the cold, hard ground. Though spring had arrived, the ground had not yet begun to thaw. Around him, others ( Read more... )
Of everything I entered, this was the best I think. Please let me know what you think.
The First LieSeverus knelt on the cold, hard ground. Though spring had arrived, the ground had not yet begun to thaw. Around him, others ( Read more... )
Comments 2
I think your characterization is excellent. It's rare I see Voldemort written well. Your last line is the very thing that made me vote for this piece; it's perfect, especially the last 5 words. Some of the other lines are beautifully written.
However, the dialogue pattern is stilted. Voldemort has been shown, in canon, to be capable of normal speech. The drawn out "s" is distracting, and honestly, a bit silly. He hisses some of his words, but he doesn't talk like a snake. Clean that up and you will have a wonderful story on your hands.
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