Not Quite An Explosion (tag to Inferno, artword challenge 007A)
Title: Not Quite An Explosion
Author: lavvyan
Spoilers: Tag to Inferno, so spoilers up to and including that episode.
Summary: Rodney's had enough.
Notes: Written for challenge #007A on artword: write a story from two different POVs. The incredibly shiny covers are by smuffster. Dialogues up to and including the debriefing were taken directly from the episode Inferno.
~~~
Not Quite An Explosion - Rodney
Stars.
Rodney stared out of the Orion's large front windows, disorientation numbing him for a second as he realised that the volcano must have erupted no more than half a minute after he had finished the last of his programming, the lava and his hyperspace window catapulting them into orbit.
Space. They had made it.
"It worked!"
Carson's shaky voice from somewhere behind him, and yes, of course it had worked. He'd never had any doubt, naturally, and any second now there'd be a 'Well done, Rodney' from Sheppard, or at least a 'Thank you' from Carson.
Really. Any second now.
"You really are a genius, Rodney."
Well yes, he was. How nice of Norina to finally acknowledge that, since she'd probably been too busy making googly eyes at Sheppard to be appropriately awed by Rodney's many talents, and thank you for that, Colonel won't-let-the-scientist-get-a-single-space-bimbette. But, seriously, this was it? Dr. Rodney McKay, pulling a rabbit out of his as- astonishing hat, he had meant to say, saving everyone's life yet again, and the only one to remark on it was the alien?
They were kidding, right?
They weren't. Oh God, they weren't, it was always like this; how had he not seen that before, was he blind? Every time he did something like this, he was lucky if he got so much as a pat on the shoulder, and wow, did that suck.
"Rodney?"
Norina's question was distracting him, pulling him away from his thoughts, and perhaps he should just let it go, ignore the glaring lack of appreciation and simply do his work, except…
"I'm good."
He wasn't. He really, really wasn't.
With a sharp crack of static, the radio switched on.
"This is the Daedalus. Are there any survivors aboard?"
"Yes, sir," Sheppard answered Caldwell's question, sounding both stunned and proud. "In fact, we have a very big passenger list."
Sure they did, and who would once again get to be the hero and receive all the congratulations? The guy who had spent his time running around outside. And now that Rodney knew just how typical that was, he started to feel… well, righteous anger would be a bit of an exaggeration, but yes, there seemed to be a certain amount of… resentment.
And to his slight surprise, it didn't really go away. Rodney had never been one to carry a grudge, regarding them as a waste of time, so this experience of lasting annoyance was… irritating. They were well into the debriefing by now, and still no one had thought it necessary to stop for a second and say, 'And by the way, Rodney: good job.'
Then again, they never did, did they? Perhaps with a little prodding.
"The explosion was every bit as destructive as I feared," he said, reminding them of the fate the Taranians had barely escaped. "The ash clouds encircled the entire planet."
"Will the Taranian people ever be able to go home?"
Hello? Half the continent was gone and the planet was at the threshold of a volcano-induced ice age; of course they wouldn't be able to go home! And way to go off topic, Teyla!
"Not for many years, I'm afraid," Carson sighed, like all those homeless aliens were his very own burden to carry.
"We found a planet that Chancellor Lycus feels is suitable for them. We're going to start relocating people there." Elizabeth nodded at Sheppard. "I'd like you and your team to assist them. Just to make sure the relocation goes smooth."
Which probably meant seeing to it that Rodney got them all settled down with a nice, familiar level of technology, right after he had finished his work of repairing a ten thousand year old, broken down, Ancient warship in less than twenty-four hours. He felt the anger bubbling up again, a bit like that time when he had been high on the enzyme.
It might be better for all if he left now.
"I'll take a repair team back to the Orion, get the engines fixed."
"Thought you told Norina you couldn't fix it." Sheppard, and that just wasn't fair.
"It was never a question of whether or not I could fix it, it-"
Smirking. Smirking. Oh yes, let's bait the scientist, thank you very much, Colonel. Sheppard was probably afraid that he'd lost face, having told his conquest of the day that Rodney would fix her damn engines, just trust him - Rodney still wasn't sure if Sheppard had left the radio on for him to hear that on purpose. It was apparently Rodney's calling, to be John Sheppard's very own one-man repair team; good man, patches up everything, it's all he ever does anyway. A real riot, eh?
Fuck you.
"Work as quickly as you can, Rodney," Elizabeth told him, like he ever did anything else. "The chancellor has graciously allowed us to use the ship, in exchange for our help."
"I assume there's still a Hiveship on the way?" Caldwell wanted to know.
"Yes," Radek answered shortly, giving Ronon the time to ask a stupid question of his own: "Why only one ship?"
"We don't know," Elizabeth replied. "Maybe they're just coming to prove we're still here, but if they manage to do that…" She trailed off.
"Well, at least we've got the Orion now, and the city's supply of drones has been replenished," Caldwell stated, always the military man.
"That's enough to put up one hell of a fight," Sheppard agreed.
Rodney rolled his eyes. Oh yes, and In God We Trust, very realistic.
"Let's not fool ourselves," he interrupted the self-congratulation. "If they come in full force, and there's no reason to believe that they won't this time, then, I'm sorry, but-"
"It's not going to be enough," Elizabeth finished for him, and everybody fell quiet. "It's all we've got."
He knew that, and for now, it was only one ship; more than manageable with the combined forces of the Daedalus, the Orion, and Atlantis itself. They just needed Rodney to fix the Orion's engines, and they were good to go. Or well, perhaps not needed Rodney as much as someone who could oversee the work of the engineers, something Radek was perfectly capable of, and Rodney wouldn't admit it out loud, but the Czech knew almost as much about Atlantis as he himself.
The realisation didn't hit him as much as it slowly rolled over him with all the gentleness of a freight car going downhill. No matter how often Rodney emphasised that he was the smartest person in this city - and yes, there wasn't much Radek could do that Rodney couldn't do faster - Atlantis didn't really need him.
And he didn't want to be needed by them. Not anymore.
Huh. Well. Then there was no real reason to stay, was there?
The debriefing seemed just about finished, and Rodney figured this was as good a time as any. Never let it be said that he was stalling.
"Well, if we're all done here, I'd like to add something." They all turned towards him with expectant gazes. "Once the Hiveship is gone, I'll return to Earth aboard the Daedalus. Consider this my official resignation."
They couldn't have looked more shocked if he'd suggested they collaborate with the Wraith from now on. Elizabeth was the first to recover.
"You'll have to admit that this is a little sudden."
"I've been thinking about it for quite some time now. This is as good an opportunity as any."
"The hell, McKay?" Sheppard seemed to struggle for words, staring incredulously at Rodney. Well, the good Colonel was a rather hands-on kind of guy, wasn't he? Words had never been his forte.
"I'm aware that this is rather short notice, but I'm convinced you will manage. Radek, make sure you stop by before my departure, there are some notes I'll have to copy for you. Now, if you'll excuse me? I have some engines to fix."
He left them stunned and speechless, a small satisfaction. He wasn't sure if it was a good thing that no one had tried to argue; then again, what had he expected? And whether they respected him or not, they'd have to respect his decision - Caldwell's presence had made his resignation as official as it could possibly get without being in writing.
"McKay!"
Familiar footsteps echoing in the corridor behind him; ah yes, of course, Colonel Sheppard would be trying to stop his repair boy from leaving. While Rodney naturally didn't have to justify himself, he figured he could humour the man, for old times sake, when they had still been working together instead of against each other.
"McKay! Wait up!"
Sheppard's expression was a mixture of disbelief and anger, something Rodney had grown used to being aimed at him.
"I don't think we need to discuss this, Colonel." Still, he stopped, only a few feet from the transporter.
"Well, too bad, because I think we do." Sheppard stared at him, probably going for intimidating, but that had stopped working on Rodney a long time ago. "What the hell brought this on?"
"Well, if you must know, I noticed a certain lack of acknowledgement that annoys me on both a professional and a personal level, so I figured I'd relocate somewhere my genius is actually appreciated."
"You want to leave Atlantis because we don't say thank you often enough? What are you, five?"
"I want to leave Atlantis because your doormat back on Earth was possibly treated better than I am! I get ridiculed, derided, and disparaged on a regular basis, more often than not by you, and frankly, I've had enough."
"You saying we don't treat you like you deserve?"
And this was Sheppard completely refusing to see his point, as usual; worse, the man was mocking him again, and suddenly, Rodney simply wanted to hurt him, to pay him back for all those times he'd been the butt of some careless joke. And he knew exactly what to say to get a reaction.
"I'm saying that I'm sick of you and your attitude, Colonel. You can run around waking the Wraith and screw up an entire galaxy, but I blow up a single solar system and you get to throw it in my face whenever you see fit? What the hell was that, bringing up Duranda on Taranis, did you want them to think I was a, a screw-up? You constantly put me down on that planet, you had no right to do that, and I apologised, several times, what more do you want me to do?"
"So now you're pouting? Suck it up, McKay!"
He knew exactly how to make Sheppard angry, make him lose that damn cocky flyboy composition.
"Oh, come on, you're hardly in the position to blame anyone for their mistakes! At least I didn't kill anyone!"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Knew oh so well which buttons to push.
"You shot your commanding officer on your first day, and the next one didn't last significantly longer. A remarkable coincidence, isn't it?"
He should have known that Sheppard would react with physical violence once his words ran out. One moment he was getting into the Colonel's face, the next he was sitting on the cold floor, holding his numb jaw, staring up at the man who had just slugged him.
Well, so much for the remnants of that friendship.
Rodney stood up slowly, angrily pressing his lips together. The tingle in his jaw was beginning to turn into a dull throb, and while he was reasonably sure that nothing was broken, he'd better go see Carson right away. There was always the possibility of hairline fractures, or nerve damage, or even wandering blood clots that gave him a brain aneurysm, and wouldn't that be fun on his last day? Besides, there was obviously nothing left to say here.
Without another word, he turned his back on Sheppard, walking the few steps to reach the transporter and leaving the Colonel alone in the corridor.
Funny. After all that had happened between them, he still never would have thought that Sheppard would hurt him.
Carson asked if he should report the Colonel for assault on a civilian, but Rodney brushed the questions off. He had purposely provoked the man, and it didn't really matter anyhow: he'd changed his mind. Going through the wormhole back to Earth wouldn't use a lot of energy, and it would save him eighteen boring days on the Daedalus.
Sheppard was in Elizabeth's office, looking at him with his lips pressed together, but Rodney ignored him.
"I want to go back. Now."
Elizabeth replied using her business voice, the one for delicate diplomatic negotiations where some alien emissary needed placating.
"The Daedalus won't return to Earth until-"
"I'm not talking about the Daedalus," Rodney interrupted her, "the ZPM has more than enough power to establish a wormhole between Atlantis and Earth without being noticeably further depleted."
"Rodney, I know you are upset, but can't we talk about this?"
He didn't need being placated. He was calm.
"I have made my decision, Elizabeth. And since it seems Colonel Sheppard has already brought you up to date on recent events, you'll agree that if the situation stays as it is now, it will only lead to distractions you can't afford right now. By leaving as soon as possible, I'm actually doing you a favour." He smirked. "Besides, you can hardly keep me here against my will."
Elizabeth looked at him for a long moment, clearly unhappy with the situation. Well, she had done her own part in bringing it on, so he refused to feel sympathetic.
"Tomorrow," she finally said.
"But-"
"Tomorrow." Sharper this time, and Rodney knew better than to argue when she was like this. " You were willing to wait for the Daedalus to leave an hour ago, surely it won't be too much to ask you to wait another day."
"All right. I'll tell Radek that the schedule has been changed, then."
Without another word, and still paying no heed to the Colonel who had listened silently to the whole conversation, Rodney left.
Hours later, he was surprised by Teyla and Ronon turning up on his doorstep to say their goodbyes.
"We shall miss you greatly, Rodney," Teyla told him with a regretful expression on her beautiful face, and he shifted a little awkwardly as she brought their foreheads together in the Athosian gesture of respect and friendship. She had occasionally teased him, yes, but she had also been continuously saving his life over the last two years, and he'd probably miss her, too. Most likely.
"Never thought you'd run," Ronon told him gruffly, and Rodney straightened.
"This isn't about me being scared," he said stiffly.
"I know. Still never thought you'd run."
And what was there to say to that? 'I didn't plan on it'? Rodney liked to think that he'd acquired Ronon's grudging respect by now, even if they had never quite gotten each other. The food competitions certainly had been fun.
Who was he kidding? He was going to miss both these people more than it was appropriate for colleagues. But they had become friends, and they weren't the reason he was leaving. Not the overwhelmingly large part of the reason, anyway.
Radek dropped by later that evening, waving a bottle of some Czech booze that would probably taste vaguely like grass and be potent enough to kill the brain cells of a small town, and making himself comfortable on Rodney's bed without waiting for an invitation.
"By all means, do come in," Rodney snorted, still standing at the door.
"I thought you might want something to drink after the day you've had." A shrug, and a friendly smile Rodney didn't trust for one second.
"And you didn't think to bring any glasses? Seriously, Radek, the last thing I need right now is to catch mad Czech scientist cooties from a bottle of liquid death."
"This is deadly enough to kill any germs I carry," Radek solemnly announced, wiggling his fingers at the bottle, and Rodney grinned.
"You're not going to try talking me into staying, are you?" he asked, flopping down on the mattress next to the engineer.
"No. I know you're too thick-headed to change your mind once you've made a decision, even if it's a stupid one."
Rodney opened his mouth to protest, but Radek shook his head and carried on.
"I do not say this is a stupid decision. Rash, perhaps, but I know you're praising my work more often than they acknowledge yours, so I won't tell you you're overreacting."
"Well, that's… thank you."
"I will regret you're not here for me to disprove your theories anymore, though." Radek grinned brightly, and Rodney flipped him off, feeling more relaxed than he had all day.
"Right. As if. They'll be lucky if you don't kill them all during your first week as the lead scientist."
Radek shot him a dark look, pouting.
"You know what, I take it back: have a safe trip. Perhaps send a Christmas card."
"Yeah, you going to share that or what?" Rodney dismissed him, pointing at the bottle.
Another dark look, then Radek unscrewed the bottle, taking a deep swig that made him shudder before he sloppily toasted and handed the vodka or whatever it was over to Rodney.
"To Atlantis."
Rodney raised the bottle in his own toast, brought it to his lips, and drank. The liquid tasted like sharp nothing in his mouth, fire burning down his throat and making warmth bloom in his chest before rising straight back up into his head.
Like he had thought: Radek's good stuff.
"To Atlantis," he agreed, proud that his voice sounded only a little scratchy. Radek grinned at him, the little weasel, and propped Rodney's pillow against the wall so he could make himself more comfortable.
"So, tell me: how does one become an evil scientist overlord?"
They killed about a quarter of the bottle before Radek left. Rodney had just decided to get ready for bed, tired and feeling not unpleasantly buzzed, when his door chime sounded again. He rolled his eyes; people had never been that interested in him on average days.
It was Sheppard.
Huh. Funny, he had thought he had calmed down, especially after Radek's visit, but just seeing the Colonel standing in front of his door, regarding him with an air of discomfort, was enough to make Rodney's hackles rise again, the feelings of hurt and disillusionment still closer to the surface than he had anticipated.
"Can I come in?"
"No."
There was a moment of awkward silence when Sheppard clearly didn't know what to say.
"McKay-" he started, only to break off again, running a hand through his hair. "Look. I'm sorry."
And now the man had the gall to look at him expectantly after what was in all likelihood the worst attempt at acting contrite Rodney had ever witnessed. He snorted.
"Careful, Colonel, you might break something."
"Damn it, Rodney, I'm trying to apologise!" Sheppard snapped, obviously caught somewhere between angry and distressed; Rodney didn't have to be a genius to know that Elizabeth would have ordered Sheppard to smooth things over. Well, too little, too late.
"I don't want your apology." Even if it had been sincere, which Rodney highly doubted, Sheppard had made him work hard to 'earn back his trust' after screwing up only once, and Rodney wasn't big enough a man to simply forget that. After two years of continuous emotional ill-treatment, 'I'm sorry' just didn't cut it. "In fact, there's nothing we need to talk about. I am no longer a member of your team, so let's just stop the forced socialising, hm?"
Sheppard flinched guiltily, and it gave Rodney a hollow feeling of satisfaction to know he had once again been right.
"McKay-"
"Good night, Colonel," he said, closing the door in the other man's face. Turning back to the room, he gave a small sigh. Now that his pleasant relaxation had evaporated, he might as well forego sleeping and start packing.
It was amazing how much stuff he had gathered over the last two years. There were, of course, the personal items he had brought from Earth, but in addition to them, Rodney seemed to have acquired dozens of curious items and souvenirs. Ancient trinkets he wouldn't be allowed to take back home, naturally, but the Incarasian fertility cube would make a nice decoration in his apartment, as would the Athosian bowl they all had gotten from Teyla for last Christmas. She had solemnly listened to his stuttered attempts at thanking her for what was essentially a completely useless gift, then she had grinned mischievously and handed him his real gift, a stack of 'typical delicacies from his home country' - Hershey bars. Curiously enough, it had almost made him admire her. That, and the fact that she had managed to get even Ronon with her act, laughing out loud when the gruff Satedan had helplessly turned his own bowl in his hands, not knowing what to say.
Rodney smiled a little sadly, picking up the small egg timer-like device Sheppard had accidentally traded himself in for on M98-701.
Of all the things to make him leave Atlantis, he'd never thought it would be disappointment.
He did catch some sleep that night, after all, if only because he had become rather efficient at packing up after the SGC had merrily shooed him from one assignment to the next, transferring him back and forth across the globe in the years he'd been working for them. Well, this time he'd insist they either station him in Colorado Springs, or he'd leave the program altogether. Even with the nondisclosure agreements he'd signed it would be unproblematic enough to find a new job, or perhaps he'd just stop working altogether. God knew he had enough money to afford a lifetime of contentment, without anyone telling him what to do and when to jump how high.
His belongings formed a small pile of crates and boxes as he stacked them up in the gateroom, a young marine helping him carry them from his quarters to the Stargate. Colonel Sheppard was there, watching from the control room as Rodney got ready to step through the Gate one final time. The silent presence was probably a last ditch effort to make Rodney develop a bad conscience; a rather sad and laughable attempt, really. He was just surprised that there weren't any more 'apologies' forthcoming, either from Sheppard or from Elizabeth, but none of them had said anything to make him stay. Evidence of how much he had overestimated his worth to the expedition in the past.
He nodded at the control room technician to dial Earth, but Sheppard stopped the Sergeant with a word. Rodney sighed, then raised his chin in defiance as the Colonel walked down the steps and towards him. Here it came.
To his surprise, Sheppard pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and unfolded it - heavens might know where he'd even found it. The Colonel shot him a quick glance before clearing his throat.
"Look, I'm not good at this, so…" He trailed off, looking way out of his league, and Rodney started to feel uncomfortable. Sheppard tried again. "Before you leave, I wanted to… oh, hell. Thank you. Thank you for trying to pull more energy out of the ZPM when we first came here, thank you for dialling all those gate addresses after that first culling on Athos, thank you for showing me the puddle jumpers, thank you for walking into that energy cloud and throwing the generator through the Gate, I know that took guts, thank you for figuring out how to retract the engine pods when we were stuck in that Gate…"
Rodney listened with growing confusion as Sheppard proceeded to read his list, thanking him for things he had almost forgotten. It was admittedly clever, putting Rodney into a position where he could no longer claim to have never been suitably accredited, but the longer the Colonel talked, the more it seemed as though this was more than a ploy to keep Rodney on Atlantis. Sheppard's voice was, for once, completely serious, even holding an edge of desperation, and Rodney had to refrain from drawing in a sharp breath as he realised that the man was serious.
He was serious.
To say Rodney was at loss for words would have been an understatement. He knew that this was basically what he had asked for, recognition, but he hadn't honestly expected them to comply, least of all Sheppard. It seemed that by dismissing their friendship, he'd been more than a little rash, something that now made him feel ashamed.
It might be safe to say that they were even. So there was no reason to run the Colonel through the whole humiliation process and have him read the entire list, no matter how much Rodney might be desiring to hear it. This was Sheppard's way of honestly apologising, so for once, Rodney would be the bigger man and forgive instead of gloating over his victory. He'd stay, at least for now, but they'd better make sure to give him his entitled credit from now on.
Besides, he could feel himself starting to blush, and that was just no.
"… thank you for fixing the jumper enough so we could open the Gate, I'll admit that I was doubting you back there for a while, and thank you for-"
"That's enough, Colonel."
Sheppard looked up then, clasping his list tightly, staring at him helplessly, almost lost, and Rodney realised that he had quite possibly just missed his last chance to ever walk away. As long as Sheppard's eyes held that expression, he'd never be able to say no to anything the man was asking of him.
"I'm not done," Sheppard protested.
"I think you are."
Grabbing a box and starting for the exit, Rodney turned when Sheppard didn't move, meeting the Colonel's puzzled stare with raised eyebrows.
"Seeing how the whole exercise is your fault, the least you can do is help me carry my things back to my quarters, don't you think?"
"I think he's right there, John," Elizabeth injected from her place on the small balcony next to the control room, and smiled.
At least she had the decency not to gloat.
Sheppard blinked, then hurriedly grabbed Rodney's laptop and a box of his own. Satisfied, Rodney walked out of the gateroom, paying no heed to the grinning faces around him.
Today's show was over.
They carried Rodney's belongings back to his room without really looking at each other, let alone talking. But then the last box was placed on Rodney's desk, and the silence was heavy in the small room. Rodney felt awkward, not knowing what to say, until Sheppard broke the silence.
"So you're staying."
"I think that should be obvious, yes."
Sheppard nodded, visibly relaxing, and finally looked up to meet his eyes.
"Look, I didn't mean to… upset you or something. I'm sorry. "
Rodney shrugged uncomfortably.
"So am I, for, you know. Saying what I did about, um, about Sumner and Everett. It wasn't fair, and it wasn't true."
Sheppard nodded again, and there was another moment of self-conscious silence where they looked everywhere but at each other.
"Want to catch a movie?"
"Sure," Rodney agreed quickly, barely suppressing a relieved sigh. There was something naked in Sheppard's gaze, something that didn't quite go away even when they were sitting together on Rodney's bed watching Unbreakable, Sheppard close enough for Rodney to feel the warmth of the other man's body. Bruce Willis' kid said something stupid, Sheppard chuckled, and Rodney realised just how much he would have missed him. Lame jokes and misguided heroism and all.
But they were starting over, right? Perhaps they could start for real.
That night, Rodney rolled over to bump against a warm body that shifted slightly before settling back against him. Against all common sense, he felt a glowing satisfaction at having stayed, constant threat of premature decease notwithstanding. After all, there had to be a reason why sex after intense situations was rumoured to be impressively fulfilling, and as the most brilliant man in two galaxies, it was his duty to find out what reason that might be. Though his research probably wouldn't be used to enlighten mankind, he thought as he pressed himself a little closer to John, but the act of investigation alone should be rewarding enough.
The thought followed him into sleep, and he smiled.
~~~
John
Author: lavvyan
Spoilers: Tag to Inferno, so spoilers up to and including that episode.
Summary: Rodney's had enough.
Notes: Written for challenge #007A on artword: write a story from two different POVs. The incredibly shiny covers are by smuffster. Dialogues up to and including the debriefing were taken directly from the episode Inferno.
~~~
Not Quite An Explosion - Rodney
Stars.
Rodney stared out of the Orion's large front windows, disorientation numbing him for a second as he realised that the volcano must have erupted no more than half a minute after he had finished the last of his programming, the lava and his hyperspace window catapulting them into orbit.
Space. They had made it.
"It worked!"
Carson's shaky voice from somewhere behind him, and yes, of course it had worked. He'd never had any doubt, naturally, and any second now there'd be a 'Well done, Rodney' from Sheppard, or at least a 'Thank you' from Carson.
Really. Any second now.
"You really are a genius, Rodney."
Well yes, he was. How nice of Norina to finally acknowledge that, since she'd probably been too busy making googly eyes at Sheppard to be appropriately awed by Rodney's many talents, and thank you for that, Colonel won't-let-the-scientist-get-a-single-space-bimbette. But, seriously, this was it? Dr. Rodney McKay, pulling a rabbit out of his as- astonishing hat, he had meant to say, saving everyone's life yet again, and the only one to remark on it was the alien?
They were kidding, right?
They weren't. Oh God, they weren't, it was always like this; how had he not seen that before, was he blind? Every time he did something like this, he was lucky if he got so much as a pat on the shoulder, and wow, did that suck.
"Rodney?"
Norina's question was distracting him, pulling him away from his thoughts, and perhaps he should just let it go, ignore the glaring lack of appreciation and simply do his work, except…
"I'm good."
He wasn't. He really, really wasn't.
With a sharp crack of static, the radio switched on.
"This is the Daedalus. Are there any survivors aboard?"
"Yes, sir," Sheppard answered Caldwell's question, sounding both stunned and proud. "In fact, we have a very big passenger list."
Sure they did, and who would once again get to be the hero and receive all the congratulations? The guy who had spent his time running around outside. And now that Rodney knew just how typical that was, he started to feel… well, righteous anger would be a bit of an exaggeration, but yes, there seemed to be a certain amount of… resentment.
And to his slight surprise, it didn't really go away. Rodney had never been one to carry a grudge, regarding them as a waste of time, so this experience of lasting annoyance was… irritating. They were well into the debriefing by now, and still no one had thought it necessary to stop for a second and say, 'And by the way, Rodney: good job.'
Then again, they never did, did they? Perhaps with a little prodding.
"The explosion was every bit as destructive as I feared," he said, reminding them of the fate the Taranians had barely escaped. "The ash clouds encircled the entire planet."
"Will the Taranian people ever be able to go home?"
Hello? Half the continent was gone and the planet was at the threshold of a volcano-induced ice age; of course they wouldn't be able to go home! And way to go off topic, Teyla!
"Not for many years, I'm afraid," Carson sighed, like all those homeless aliens were his very own burden to carry.
"We found a planet that Chancellor Lycus feels is suitable for them. We're going to start relocating people there." Elizabeth nodded at Sheppard. "I'd like you and your team to assist them. Just to make sure the relocation goes smooth."
Which probably meant seeing to it that Rodney got them all settled down with a nice, familiar level of technology, right after he had finished his work of repairing a ten thousand year old, broken down, Ancient warship in less than twenty-four hours. He felt the anger bubbling up again, a bit like that time when he had been high on the enzyme.
It might be better for all if he left now.
"I'll take a repair team back to the Orion, get the engines fixed."
"Thought you told Norina you couldn't fix it." Sheppard, and that just wasn't fair.
"It was never a question of whether or not I could fix it, it-"
Smirking. Smirking. Oh yes, let's bait the scientist, thank you very much, Colonel. Sheppard was probably afraid that he'd lost face, having told his conquest of the day that Rodney would fix her damn engines, just trust him - Rodney still wasn't sure if Sheppard had left the radio on for him to hear that on purpose. It was apparently Rodney's calling, to be John Sheppard's very own one-man repair team; good man, patches up everything, it's all he ever does anyway. A real riot, eh?
Fuck you.
"Work as quickly as you can, Rodney," Elizabeth told him, like he ever did anything else. "The chancellor has graciously allowed us to use the ship, in exchange for our help."
"I assume there's still a Hiveship on the way?" Caldwell wanted to know.
"Yes," Radek answered shortly, giving Ronon the time to ask a stupid question of his own: "Why only one ship?"
"We don't know," Elizabeth replied. "Maybe they're just coming to prove we're still here, but if they manage to do that…" She trailed off.
"Well, at least we've got the Orion now, and the city's supply of drones has been replenished," Caldwell stated, always the military man.
"That's enough to put up one hell of a fight," Sheppard agreed.
Rodney rolled his eyes. Oh yes, and In God We Trust, very realistic.
"Let's not fool ourselves," he interrupted the self-congratulation. "If they come in full force, and there's no reason to believe that they won't this time, then, I'm sorry, but-"
"It's not going to be enough," Elizabeth finished for him, and everybody fell quiet. "It's all we've got."
He knew that, and for now, it was only one ship; more than manageable with the combined forces of the Daedalus, the Orion, and Atlantis itself. They just needed Rodney to fix the Orion's engines, and they were good to go. Or well, perhaps not needed Rodney as much as someone who could oversee the work of the engineers, something Radek was perfectly capable of, and Rodney wouldn't admit it out loud, but the Czech knew almost as much about Atlantis as he himself.
The realisation didn't hit him as much as it slowly rolled over him with all the gentleness of a freight car going downhill. No matter how often Rodney emphasised that he was the smartest person in this city - and yes, there wasn't much Radek could do that Rodney couldn't do faster - Atlantis didn't really need him.
And he didn't want to be needed by them. Not anymore.
Huh. Well. Then there was no real reason to stay, was there?
The debriefing seemed just about finished, and Rodney figured this was as good a time as any. Never let it be said that he was stalling.
"Well, if we're all done here, I'd like to add something." They all turned towards him with expectant gazes. "Once the Hiveship is gone, I'll return to Earth aboard the Daedalus. Consider this my official resignation."
They couldn't have looked more shocked if he'd suggested they collaborate with the Wraith from now on. Elizabeth was the first to recover.
"You'll have to admit that this is a little sudden."
"I've been thinking about it for quite some time now. This is as good an opportunity as any."
"The hell, McKay?" Sheppard seemed to struggle for words, staring incredulously at Rodney. Well, the good Colonel was a rather hands-on kind of guy, wasn't he? Words had never been his forte.
"I'm aware that this is rather short notice, but I'm convinced you will manage. Radek, make sure you stop by before my departure, there are some notes I'll have to copy for you. Now, if you'll excuse me? I have some engines to fix."
He left them stunned and speechless, a small satisfaction. He wasn't sure if it was a good thing that no one had tried to argue; then again, what had he expected? And whether they respected him or not, they'd have to respect his decision - Caldwell's presence had made his resignation as official as it could possibly get without being in writing.
"McKay!"
Familiar footsteps echoing in the corridor behind him; ah yes, of course, Colonel Sheppard would be trying to stop his repair boy from leaving. While Rodney naturally didn't have to justify himself, he figured he could humour the man, for old times sake, when they had still been working together instead of against each other.
"McKay! Wait up!"
Sheppard's expression was a mixture of disbelief and anger, something Rodney had grown used to being aimed at him.
"I don't think we need to discuss this, Colonel." Still, he stopped, only a few feet from the transporter.
"Well, too bad, because I think we do." Sheppard stared at him, probably going for intimidating, but that had stopped working on Rodney a long time ago. "What the hell brought this on?"
"Well, if you must know, I noticed a certain lack of acknowledgement that annoys me on both a professional and a personal level, so I figured I'd relocate somewhere my genius is actually appreciated."
"You want to leave Atlantis because we don't say thank you often enough? What are you, five?"
"I want to leave Atlantis because your doormat back on Earth was possibly treated better than I am! I get ridiculed, derided, and disparaged on a regular basis, more often than not by you, and frankly, I've had enough."
"You saying we don't treat you like you deserve?"
And this was Sheppard completely refusing to see his point, as usual; worse, the man was mocking him again, and suddenly, Rodney simply wanted to hurt him, to pay him back for all those times he'd been the butt of some careless joke. And he knew exactly what to say to get a reaction.
"I'm saying that I'm sick of you and your attitude, Colonel. You can run around waking the Wraith and screw up an entire galaxy, but I blow up a single solar system and you get to throw it in my face whenever you see fit? What the hell was that, bringing up Duranda on Taranis, did you want them to think I was a, a screw-up? You constantly put me down on that planet, you had no right to do that, and I apologised, several times, what more do you want me to do?"
"So now you're pouting? Suck it up, McKay!"
He knew exactly how to make Sheppard angry, make him lose that damn cocky flyboy composition.
"Oh, come on, you're hardly in the position to blame anyone for their mistakes! At least I didn't kill anyone!"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Knew oh so well which buttons to push.
"You shot your commanding officer on your first day, and the next one didn't last significantly longer. A remarkable coincidence, isn't it?"
He should have known that Sheppard would react with physical violence once his words ran out. One moment he was getting into the Colonel's face, the next he was sitting on the cold floor, holding his numb jaw, staring up at the man who had just slugged him.
Well, so much for the remnants of that friendship.
Rodney stood up slowly, angrily pressing his lips together. The tingle in his jaw was beginning to turn into a dull throb, and while he was reasonably sure that nothing was broken, he'd better go see Carson right away. There was always the possibility of hairline fractures, or nerve damage, or even wandering blood clots that gave him a brain aneurysm, and wouldn't that be fun on his last day? Besides, there was obviously nothing left to say here.
Without another word, he turned his back on Sheppard, walking the few steps to reach the transporter and leaving the Colonel alone in the corridor.
Funny. After all that had happened between them, he still never would have thought that Sheppard would hurt him.
Carson asked if he should report the Colonel for assault on a civilian, but Rodney brushed the questions off. He had purposely provoked the man, and it didn't really matter anyhow: he'd changed his mind. Going through the wormhole back to Earth wouldn't use a lot of energy, and it would save him eighteen boring days on the Daedalus.
Sheppard was in Elizabeth's office, looking at him with his lips pressed together, but Rodney ignored him.
"I want to go back. Now."
Elizabeth replied using her business voice, the one for delicate diplomatic negotiations where some alien emissary needed placating.
"The Daedalus won't return to Earth until-"
"I'm not talking about the Daedalus," Rodney interrupted her, "the ZPM has more than enough power to establish a wormhole between Atlantis and Earth without being noticeably further depleted."
"Rodney, I know you are upset, but can't we talk about this?"
He didn't need being placated. He was calm.
"I have made my decision, Elizabeth. And since it seems Colonel Sheppard has already brought you up to date on recent events, you'll agree that if the situation stays as it is now, it will only lead to distractions you can't afford right now. By leaving as soon as possible, I'm actually doing you a favour." He smirked. "Besides, you can hardly keep me here against my will."
Elizabeth looked at him for a long moment, clearly unhappy with the situation. Well, she had done her own part in bringing it on, so he refused to feel sympathetic.
"Tomorrow," she finally said.
"But-"
"Tomorrow." Sharper this time, and Rodney knew better than to argue when she was like this. " You were willing to wait for the Daedalus to leave an hour ago, surely it won't be too much to ask you to wait another day."
"All right. I'll tell Radek that the schedule has been changed, then."
Without another word, and still paying no heed to the Colonel who had listened silently to the whole conversation, Rodney left.
Hours later, he was surprised by Teyla and Ronon turning up on his doorstep to say their goodbyes.
"We shall miss you greatly, Rodney," Teyla told him with a regretful expression on her beautiful face, and he shifted a little awkwardly as she brought their foreheads together in the Athosian gesture of respect and friendship. She had occasionally teased him, yes, but she had also been continuously saving his life over the last two years, and he'd probably miss her, too. Most likely.
"Never thought you'd run," Ronon told him gruffly, and Rodney straightened.
"This isn't about me being scared," he said stiffly.
"I know. Still never thought you'd run."
And what was there to say to that? 'I didn't plan on it'? Rodney liked to think that he'd acquired Ronon's grudging respect by now, even if they had never quite gotten each other. The food competitions certainly had been fun.
Who was he kidding? He was going to miss both these people more than it was appropriate for colleagues. But they had become friends, and they weren't the reason he was leaving. Not the overwhelmingly large part of the reason, anyway.
Radek dropped by later that evening, waving a bottle of some Czech booze that would probably taste vaguely like grass and be potent enough to kill the brain cells of a small town, and making himself comfortable on Rodney's bed without waiting for an invitation.
"By all means, do come in," Rodney snorted, still standing at the door.
"I thought you might want something to drink after the day you've had." A shrug, and a friendly smile Rodney didn't trust for one second.
"And you didn't think to bring any glasses? Seriously, Radek, the last thing I need right now is to catch mad Czech scientist cooties from a bottle of liquid death."
"This is deadly enough to kill any germs I carry," Radek solemnly announced, wiggling his fingers at the bottle, and Rodney grinned.
"You're not going to try talking me into staying, are you?" he asked, flopping down on the mattress next to the engineer.
"No. I know you're too thick-headed to change your mind once you've made a decision, even if it's a stupid one."
Rodney opened his mouth to protest, but Radek shook his head and carried on.
"I do not say this is a stupid decision. Rash, perhaps, but I know you're praising my work more often than they acknowledge yours, so I won't tell you you're overreacting."
"Well, that's… thank you."
"I will regret you're not here for me to disprove your theories anymore, though." Radek grinned brightly, and Rodney flipped him off, feeling more relaxed than he had all day.
"Right. As if. They'll be lucky if you don't kill them all during your first week as the lead scientist."
Radek shot him a dark look, pouting.
"You know what, I take it back: have a safe trip. Perhaps send a Christmas card."
"Yeah, you going to share that or what?" Rodney dismissed him, pointing at the bottle.
Another dark look, then Radek unscrewed the bottle, taking a deep swig that made him shudder before he sloppily toasted and handed the vodka or whatever it was over to Rodney.
"To Atlantis."
Rodney raised the bottle in his own toast, brought it to his lips, and drank. The liquid tasted like sharp nothing in his mouth, fire burning down his throat and making warmth bloom in his chest before rising straight back up into his head.
Like he had thought: Radek's good stuff.
"To Atlantis," he agreed, proud that his voice sounded only a little scratchy. Radek grinned at him, the little weasel, and propped Rodney's pillow against the wall so he could make himself more comfortable.
"So, tell me: how does one become an evil scientist overlord?"
They killed about a quarter of the bottle before Radek left. Rodney had just decided to get ready for bed, tired and feeling not unpleasantly buzzed, when his door chime sounded again. He rolled his eyes; people had never been that interested in him on average days.
It was Sheppard.
Huh. Funny, he had thought he had calmed down, especially after Radek's visit, but just seeing the Colonel standing in front of his door, regarding him with an air of discomfort, was enough to make Rodney's hackles rise again, the feelings of hurt and disillusionment still closer to the surface than he had anticipated.
"Can I come in?"
"No."
There was a moment of awkward silence when Sheppard clearly didn't know what to say.
"McKay-" he started, only to break off again, running a hand through his hair. "Look. I'm sorry."
And now the man had the gall to look at him expectantly after what was in all likelihood the worst attempt at acting contrite Rodney had ever witnessed. He snorted.
"Careful, Colonel, you might break something."
"Damn it, Rodney, I'm trying to apologise!" Sheppard snapped, obviously caught somewhere between angry and distressed; Rodney didn't have to be a genius to know that Elizabeth would have ordered Sheppard to smooth things over. Well, too little, too late.
"I don't want your apology." Even if it had been sincere, which Rodney highly doubted, Sheppard had made him work hard to 'earn back his trust' after screwing up only once, and Rodney wasn't big enough a man to simply forget that. After two years of continuous emotional ill-treatment, 'I'm sorry' just didn't cut it. "In fact, there's nothing we need to talk about. I am no longer a member of your team, so let's just stop the forced socialising, hm?"
Sheppard flinched guiltily, and it gave Rodney a hollow feeling of satisfaction to know he had once again been right.
"McKay-"
"Good night, Colonel," he said, closing the door in the other man's face. Turning back to the room, he gave a small sigh. Now that his pleasant relaxation had evaporated, he might as well forego sleeping and start packing.
It was amazing how much stuff he had gathered over the last two years. There were, of course, the personal items he had brought from Earth, but in addition to them, Rodney seemed to have acquired dozens of curious items and souvenirs. Ancient trinkets he wouldn't be allowed to take back home, naturally, but the Incarasian fertility cube would make a nice decoration in his apartment, as would the Athosian bowl they all had gotten from Teyla for last Christmas. She had solemnly listened to his stuttered attempts at thanking her for what was essentially a completely useless gift, then she had grinned mischievously and handed him his real gift, a stack of 'typical delicacies from his home country' - Hershey bars. Curiously enough, it had almost made him admire her. That, and the fact that she had managed to get even Ronon with her act, laughing out loud when the gruff Satedan had helplessly turned his own bowl in his hands, not knowing what to say.
Rodney smiled a little sadly, picking up the small egg timer-like device Sheppard had accidentally traded himself in for on M98-701.
Of all the things to make him leave Atlantis, he'd never thought it would be disappointment.
He did catch some sleep that night, after all, if only because he had become rather efficient at packing up after the SGC had merrily shooed him from one assignment to the next, transferring him back and forth across the globe in the years he'd been working for them. Well, this time he'd insist they either station him in Colorado Springs, or he'd leave the program altogether. Even with the nondisclosure agreements he'd signed it would be unproblematic enough to find a new job, or perhaps he'd just stop working altogether. God knew he had enough money to afford a lifetime of contentment, without anyone telling him what to do and when to jump how high.
His belongings formed a small pile of crates and boxes as he stacked them up in the gateroom, a young marine helping him carry them from his quarters to the Stargate. Colonel Sheppard was there, watching from the control room as Rodney got ready to step through the Gate one final time. The silent presence was probably a last ditch effort to make Rodney develop a bad conscience; a rather sad and laughable attempt, really. He was just surprised that there weren't any more 'apologies' forthcoming, either from Sheppard or from Elizabeth, but none of them had said anything to make him stay. Evidence of how much he had overestimated his worth to the expedition in the past.
He nodded at the control room technician to dial Earth, but Sheppard stopped the Sergeant with a word. Rodney sighed, then raised his chin in defiance as the Colonel walked down the steps and towards him. Here it came.
To his surprise, Sheppard pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and unfolded it - heavens might know where he'd even found it. The Colonel shot him a quick glance before clearing his throat.
"Look, I'm not good at this, so…" He trailed off, looking way out of his league, and Rodney started to feel uncomfortable. Sheppard tried again. "Before you leave, I wanted to… oh, hell. Thank you. Thank you for trying to pull more energy out of the ZPM when we first came here, thank you for dialling all those gate addresses after that first culling on Athos, thank you for showing me the puddle jumpers, thank you for walking into that energy cloud and throwing the generator through the Gate, I know that took guts, thank you for figuring out how to retract the engine pods when we were stuck in that Gate…"
Rodney listened with growing confusion as Sheppard proceeded to read his list, thanking him for things he had almost forgotten. It was admittedly clever, putting Rodney into a position where he could no longer claim to have never been suitably accredited, but the longer the Colonel talked, the more it seemed as though this was more than a ploy to keep Rodney on Atlantis. Sheppard's voice was, for once, completely serious, even holding an edge of desperation, and Rodney had to refrain from drawing in a sharp breath as he realised that the man was serious.
He was serious.
To say Rodney was at loss for words would have been an understatement. He knew that this was basically what he had asked for, recognition, but he hadn't honestly expected them to comply, least of all Sheppard. It seemed that by dismissing their friendship, he'd been more than a little rash, something that now made him feel ashamed.
It might be safe to say that they were even. So there was no reason to run the Colonel through the whole humiliation process and have him read the entire list, no matter how much Rodney might be desiring to hear it. This was Sheppard's way of honestly apologising, so for once, Rodney would be the bigger man and forgive instead of gloating over his victory. He'd stay, at least for now, but they'd better make sure to give him his entitled credit from now on.
Besides, he could feel himself starting to blush, and that was just no.
"… thank you for fixing the jumper enough so we could open the Gate, I'll admit that I was doubting you back there for a while, and thank you for-"
"That's enough, Colonel."
Sheppard looked up then, clasping his list tightly, staring at him helplessly, almost lost, and Rodney realised that he had quite possibly just missed his last chance to ever walk away. As long as Sheppard's eyes held that expression, he'd never be able to say no to anything the man was asking of him.
"I'm not done," Sheppard protested.
"I think you are."
Grabbing a box and starting for the exit, Rodney turned when Sheppard didn't move, meeting the Colonel's puzzled stare with raised eyebrows.
"Seeing how the whole exercise is your fault, the least you can do is help me carry my things back to my quarters, don't you think?"
"I think he's right there, John," Elizabeth injected from her place on the small balcony next to the control room, and smiled.
At least she had the decency not to gloat.
Sheppard blinked, then hurriedly grabbed Rodney's laptop and a box of his own. Satisfied, Rodney walked out of the gateroom, paying no heed to the grinning faces around him.
Today's show was over.
They carried Rodney's belongings back to his room without really looking at each other, let alone talking. But then the last box was placed on Rodney's desk, and the silence was heavy in the small room. Rodney felt awkward, not knowing what to say, until Sheppard broke the silence.
"So you're staying."
"I think that should be obvious, yes."
Sheppard nodded, visibly relaxing, and finally looked up to meet his eyes.
"Look, I didn't mean to… upset you or something. I'm sorry. "
Rodney shrugged uncomfortably.
"So am I, for, you know. Saying what I did about, um, about Sumner and Everett. It wasn't fair, and it wasn't true."
Sheppard nodded again, and there was another moment of self-conscious silence where they looked everywhere but at each other.
"Want to catch a movie?"
"Sure," Rodney agreed quickly, barely suppressing a relieved sigh. There was something naked in Sheppard's gaze, something that didn't quite go away even when they were sitting together on Rodney's bed watching Unbreakable, Sheppard close enough for Rodney to feel the warmth of the other man's body. Bruce Willis' kid said something stupid, Sheppard chuckled, and Rodney realised just how much he would have missed him. Lame jokes and misguided heroism and all.
But they were starting over, right? Perhaps they could start for real.
That night, Rodney rolled over to bump against a warm body that shifted slightly before settling back against him. Against all common sense, he felt a glowing satisfaction at having stayed, constant threat of premature decease notwithstanding. After all, there had to be a reason why sex after intense situations was rumoured to be impressively fulfilling, and as the most brilliant man in two galaxies, it was his duty to find out what reason that might be. Though his research probably wouldn't be used to enlighten mankind, he thought as he pressed himself a little closer to John, but the act of investigation alone should be rewarding enough.
The thought followed him into sleep, and he smiled.
~~~
John