Why I Hate Christmas
1. Xmas cards...complete waste of cash for people you haven't seen or don't care enough about to get a present
2. Presents.....I'll waste money, You'll waste money we will hand each other our presents and we will both be dissapointed
3. Xmas Music... every business in the world has to jam Jingle Bells over the intercom for 2 months
4. Fruitcake...Just another example of meaningless gifts for people who don't matter enough for an actual thought
5. Xmas lists...I'm going to write a list of things I like and you are going to completely disregard it and get things you like
6. Relatives... the relatives you like you see more than just this date, the relatives you don't like you have to make xtra effort to pretend you do..because it is xmas
7. Xmas Cheer...because it is December they expect you to lose all the personality flaws you have the other 364 days
8. A Christmas Carol.....Scrooge is a highly misunderstood man
9. Xmas Lights...a garunteed dozen little buggers will go out just by sitting in the box for a year
10. It's A Wonderful Life....it may well be, but watching Jimmy Stuart standing on a ledge 12 times in a row has failed to convince me
11. Jesus' Birth...I'm all for G-d, but if I get dragged to church or am forced to recite one more ungenuine textbook prayer I will convert
12. Nativity Scenes...as long as we are on the subject of religion, those things aren't my favorite either
13. Spirit of Giving....it isn't the 'spirit of giving' it is the 'guilt of giving' 90% of the people you buy for you take no pleasure in the sliding of the credit card...they just got you some piece of crap last year
14. Santa....is it just me or is the whole thing bribery, religion is bribery "be good and i'll take you to heaven" and Santa is bribery "be good and I will give you stuff"..it needs to teach "be good because the world is shitty enough without you acting up you little twirp"
15. Xmas trees...THEY AREN"T TREES ANYMORE>..THEY ARE PLASTIC...this is how much we really don't care...it isnt' about the tree it is about the 1500 dollars worth of stuff under it
16.Eggnog...this holiday definatly needs something stronger, and is goes to show that on xmas it is possible to make ANYTHING fattening
17. Mistletoe...half the time it is a FAMILY FUNCTION...EEEW
18. Work Xmas Parties....way of screwing you out of more of your free time
19. Xmas Pagents....well, they can't do the birth of Christ, which is a mild relief..so most schools in Texas do "a Holiday Ho-down"...with the representative Jew and Kwanza celebrator
20. Malls, I hate them year round, but when Santa is in town I start wishing the ceilings will fall in on me
21. Xmas Small Talk ..."Hi, how is school... haven't you grown" I'll probably have another rousing round of "don't worry you'll find a boyfriend" and "my aren't you smart" followed by "I remember when you...."
22. Killing Trees and Spending time and effort to cover a box that is going to be torn into in about 5 seconds.....my solution: Target Bags
23. Commercials...this is really what it is about isn't it? Consumer culture, but damn they are obnoxious..especially the Jewelry industry
25.Fake Snow....a bottled illusion giving you a white 50's style perfect xmas, just as synthetic as the smiles and the xmas cards
before I get visited by my ex-partner and 3 moral bound ghosts I think I should say that xmas can have its perks beyond all the distractions on the surface...good will towards men is always a good thing to remember- in december or july.
2. Presents.....I'll waste money, You'll waste money we will hand each other our presents and we will both be dissapointed
3. Xmas Music... every business in the world has to jam Jingle Bells over the intercom for 2 months
4. Fruitcake...Just another example of meaningless gifts for people who don't matter enough for an actual thought
5. Xmas lists...I'm going to write a list of things I like and you are going to completely disregard it and get things you like
6. Relatives... the relatives you like you see more than just this date, the relatives you don't like you have to make xtra effort to pretend you do..because it is xmas
7. Xmas Cheer...because it is December they expect you to lose all the personality flaws you have the other 364 days
8. A Christmas Carol.....Scrooge is a highly misunderstood man
9. Xmas Lights...a garunteed dozen little buggers will go out just by sitting in the box for a year
10. It's A Wonderful Life....it may well be, but watching Jimmy Stuart standing on a ledge 12 times in a row has failed to convince me
11. Jesus' Birth...I'm all for G-d, but if I get dragged to church or am forced to recite one more ungenuine textbook prayer I will convert
12. Nativity Scenes...as long as we are on the subject of religion, those things aren't my favorite either
13. Spirit of Giving....it isn't the 'spirit of giving' it is the 'guilt of giving' 90% of the people you buy for you take no pleasure in the sliding of the credit card...they just got you some piece of crap last year
14. Santa....is it just me or is the whole thing bribery, religion is bribery "be good and i'll take you to heaven" and Santa is bribery "be good and I will give you stuff"..it needs to teach "be good because the world is shitty enough without you acting up you little twirp"
15. Xmas trees...THEY AREN"T TREES ANYMORE>..THEY ARE PLASTIC...this is how much we really don't care...it isnt' about the tree it is about the 1500 dollars worth of stuff under it
16.Eggnog...this holiday definatly needs something stronger, and is goes to show that on xmas it is possible to make ANYTHING fattening
17. Mistletoe...half the time it is a FAMILY FUNCTION...EEEW
18. Work Xmas Parties....way of screwing you out of more of your free time
19. Xmas Pagents....well, they can't do the birth of Christ, which is a mild relief..so most schools in Texas do "a Holiday Ho-down"...with the representative Jew and Kwanza celebrator
20. Malls, I hate them year round, but when Santa is in town I start wishing the ceilings will fall in on me
21. Xmas Small Talk ..."Hi, how is school... haven't you grown" I'll probably have another rousing round of "don't worry you'll find a boyfriend" and "my aren't you smart" followed by "I remember when you...."
22. Killing Trees and Spending time and effort to cover a box that is going to be torn into in about 5 seconds.....my solution: Target Bags
23. Commercials...this is really what it is about isn't it? Consumer culture, but damn they are obnoxious..especially the Jewelry industry
25.Fake Snow....a bottled illusion giving you a white 50's style perfect xmas, just as synthetic as the smiles and the xmas cards
before I get visited by my ex-partner and 3 moral bound ghosts I think I should say that xmas can have its perks beyond all the distractions on the surface...good will towards men is always a good thing to remember- in december or july.