Lights Will Guide You Home, Ch. 22/?
Media: Fic
Title: Lights Will Guide You Home
Rating: R
Spoilers (if any): zero.
Warnings (if any): Daddy!Klaine! You might die of squee. You have been warned.
Word Count: 4734
Summary: 13 years from now, Blaine and Kurt have made a fabulous life for themselves, but there's something missing...
A/N: So, there are some things mentioned in this chapter which are not entirely kosher at hospitals, but that happen sometimes in NICUs because of the nature of the beast. As a general rule, gifts are not supposed to be exchanged between patients and caregivers, but when you take care of somebody's baby for months on end, especially when you bond with that baby, it's hard NOT to get attached, and want to exchange sort of "I love you and wish you well and you mean a lot to me" gifts. So. It does happen, and it's not unrealistic. I've also given my phone # to families on 2 occasions, but that is probably REALLY frowned upon and I wouldn't do it with anyone I didn't trust 100%. Also, there are three links here that show pictures of what they got each other, so look for those.
Lights Will Guide You Home
Chapter 22
Kurt and Blaine were waiting outside Nick's door the next morning. A few minutes passed, and a very sleepy-looking Jeff answered, clad in boxers and a t-shirt.
“G'morning,” he mumbled, leaving the door open for them to enter. “Nick's in the shower - he'll be out in a second.”
They followed him inside, sitting on the couch in the living room. “So how was your night last night?” Kurt asked, one eyebrow raised.
Jeff blushed. “Um, pretty good...”
“Oh really?”
“Kurt. That is totally not our business,” Blaine scolded him.
“What? I was just wondering...”
“No, it's cool. It's just … yeah. It was good.” He smiled, only slightly embarrassed. “God, I am just so happy to be with him, you have no idea. He's amazing. I mean, he was always my best friend, but he's just the most fantastic, thoughtful, caring boyfriend … Can I say that again? Boyfriend! I mean, I am fucking dating Nick Parker … how is this my life?”
They couple laughed. “We're really happy for you, Jeff,” Blaine told him.
Nick then walked out, a towel wrapped around his waist.
“Hey guys! I'm so sorry - we slept a little later than we meant to...”
“Hey, no problem,” Kurt said. “You're the one letting us borrow your car.”
“Which we appreciate to no end, by the way. We owe you big for this.”
“Guys, it's totally not a big deal. I'm just glad I could help.”
“Well … we really didn't want to expose Lily to the subway and God knows what kind of germs are growing on it, and figuring out a taxi with the carseat would just be a big pain in the ass and...”
“Kurt. I don't want to hear another word about it, okay? Here are the keys. Keep it as long as you need to.”
Blaine looked him in the eye. “Thank you. It's just … kind of a big day. We're both a little nervous...”
“Understandable,” Jeff said from the recliner, now curled up in a fuzzy blanket.
“Just go, guys. No big deal. You've got a lot of stuff to load, and I know you want to get there … just send us a picture of Lily in her crib when you get home, okay?”
“Deal.” Blaine took the keys from Nick's outstretched hand, and he and Kurt gave quick hugs to both Nick and Jeff. They then headed down the stairs to Nick's waiting SUV.
Kurt pushed the carseat base into the backseat of the Pilot. They stared at it, memories flooding their senses, a few tears threatening to spill over their eyelids.
“This is it. The next time we walk in our house, it'll be with Lily.”
Between the two of them, and with a little help from the manufacturer's instructions, they pulled and tugged and threaded the seat belt until the base was installed. Blaine clicked the carseat in place and handed the keys to Kurt after they'd finished loading everything in the back.
“I'm too … I don't know. Overwhelmed. Nervous. Something. I can't drive - will you?”
“Of course I will.”
They climbed into the front seat, and Kurt turned the car on. He looked over at Blaine, whose head was buried in crossed arms.
“Hey,” he said gently, combing a hand through his partner's hair, “You okay?”
“It's just a lot, you know?” Blaine said, looking up with wet streaks trailing down his cheeks. Kurt leaned toward him, pressing their foreheads together. “I … it's just a lot. I don't know how else to say it...”
“I know. But we can do this. I will be right here by your side the entire way. We'll get through today, we'll cry together and laugh together, and then we're going to get through her first year, and the terrible two's, and kindergarten, and grade school, and gymnastics or ballet or soccer or whatever else she wants to do. And eventually we'll deal with crushes and body image issues, and then we'll have to deal with boyfriends and, heaven forbid, prom, and graduation, and college, and a wedding … Blaine, it's going to be the best part of our life and the hardest thing we've ever done, but we're going to do it all together, and we'll get through it, just like we've always done, okay?”
Blaine was already crying, but he really lost it when Kurt got to the part about body image issues and crushes. Kurt's arms tightened around him and held him in their familiar grasp until his breathing calmed.
“God,” he sniffled, “I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from. I'll try to hold it together for the rest of the day...”
“And you will fail miserably, and so will I, and that's okay too. Now. Let's go get our baby girl.”
They made the drive over to Queens in silence, remembering the day a year before on which circumstances felt so similar, but were in reality so different. Once they got to the unit, Lily's neonatologist for the day met them at the scrub sinks and gave them both congratulatory hugs. They got high fives from one of the respiratory therapists on their way to Pod 5, and even the grumpy secretary at the front desk managed to give them a smile. But nothing could have prepared them for the sight they encountered when they reached Lily's bedside.
Her crib had been decked out sometime the afternoon or night prior in bright pink laminated hearts, each with a number on it. Above her crib hung a pink banner that read “66 Days of Lily.” And on her bedside table, one of the nurses had handmade a huge card that said “Happy Discharge Day!” on the front of it, and all of Lily's favorite nurses had signed the inside.
“Look Lily! Your Daddies are here to take you home!” Sarah Grace exclaimed. Lily was awake, and the nurse had her up and was making faces back and forth with the baby.
Dumbfounded, Kurt and Blaine walked slowly into the room. “What is all this?” Kurt asked.
“And … what's she wearing? That's not ours...”
Lily was wearing a white onesie with a big pink flower on the front (found HERE), and had on a huge pink ruffly tutu (found HERE). A headband encircled her head, embellished with a flower that matched the one on the onesie.
“Oh, Blaine honey, it's a going-away present for her … me and several of the night shift girls split it. We wanted to give her something so you guys could remember us. And the hearts on her crib are for each day that she's been with us - she's 66 days old today, so there are 66 hearts. I can take them off the crib, and you can take them home if you want.”
Kurt took Lily from Sarah Grace, holding her up and kissing her on the cheek as Blaine set the carseat down and pulled Sarah Grace into a hug.
“We will never forget you. How could you even think that we need something to remember you by? My god, you've taken care of our child for two months... We couldn't ask for anything else.”
“Well,” Sarah Grace began, blinking back tears, “Your Lily Elise is a special little girl with a special set of circumstances - we don't get to see a lot of happy endings like this. She - and the two of you - have done as much for us, lifting our spirits and giving us hope when we felt like we'd run out, as we have for you. It's the least we can do.”
“Thank you so much,” Kurt said, hugging her when Blaine let go, Lily still in his arms. They pulled up chairs and sat down to read the notes that the nurses had left them in the card.
Dear Lily,
It was a joy to work with you and watch you grow. Come back and see us. We love you!
-Nurse Carrie
P.S. Keep those Daddies of yours in line!
Dear Lily,
What a sweet girl you are! Thank you for bringing light and joy into a sometimes-sad place. We will miss you, but we're really glad to see you going home to such loving people.
Love,
Nurse Kimberly
Dear Lily,
My favorite part of the day was helping your dads give you a bath, get you in your jammies, and listen to them read you a bedtime story. It warms my heart to know that you'll be going home to a place like that. You are so, so lucky, sweet girl, and don't you ever forget it. Come back and see us!
Hugs and snuggles,
Nurse Laura
Dear Lily,
You have come so far, and it has been my pleasure to watch you progress while you've been here! Your Daddies are going to take such good care of you - they love you so, so, much, so try not to give them too hard of a time when you get older, okay? We love you.
-Nurse Alexis
And on the back of the card was a note from Sarah Grace.
Dear Kurt, Blaine, and Lily,
I'll be honest. When I first met Lily, my initial thought was “Oh, here we go again, another drug baby...” I was burned out, tired of seeing babies get sent home with parents that we knew wouldn't take care of them, tired of the extremely flawed system, tired of watching babies that I knew and loved fall through the cracks. But then I found out about the adoption plan, and Lily's mother's unusual and impressive selflessness. And then I met two of the most wonderful men I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, and my thoughts changed tremendously. Kurt, like I've told you time and time again, you remind me so much of my brother - and getting to spend time with you, and getting to know you, has been like a tiny glimpse of what he might have been like had he lived long enough to grow up. It has been a blessing, getting to experience that, and I can never thank you enough for just being who you are. And Blaine, you are one of the sweetest, most genuine and most loving people I've ever met. You exude empathy for people, you're so optimistic, so trusting despite being burned in the past. And the two of you together - I feel like your relationship is something out of a movie, one of the great romances of our generation. The way you love each other is inspiring and sweet and adorable, and it brought so much joy to my day just to get to watch the two of you interact with each other and with Lily. I would wish you good luck with her, but I know you won't need it, because you've already proven yourselves to be excellent parents, so I'm just going to send you on your way with my warmest wishes, and my most heartfelt thanks for restoring my faith in people again. You will be brilliant fathers. Please, please, please stay in touch.
All my love,
Sarah Grace
All three of them were crying by the time they reached the end of Sarah Grace's note. She smiled at them through her tears.
“I said I wasn't going to do this today, you know, cry like this. It's a happy day. I'm so happy for you...” And with those words, she just started crying harder. One of the other nurses in the pod brought them all a box of tissues.
“Ugh, we might as well do this now while we're all crying already,” Kurt said, reaching down into Lily's diaper bag and pulling out two envelopes and a small package. “This is for you,” he said, indicating to the package and one of the envelopes. “And this is for the unit.” He nodded toward the other envelope.
She opened the card, quickly scanning it.
Dear Sarah Grace,
What a long road this has been! We could never be more grateful to have such a fantastic nurse at Lily's side - thank you so much for everything that you've done for her, and for us. Thank you for your patience in explaining things that we didn't understand, and for making us feel comfortable that first terrifying day. Thank you for welcoming our family and friends with open arms whenever they've visited with us. But thank you, most of all, for falling in love with our little girl and making sure that she had everything she needed and more. We know you've bent over backwards, have gone above and beyond the call of duty, on more than one occasion for both her and us, and it has not gone unnoticed. We'll miss you so much - we're not going to know what to do with her at home without you there to remind us of what we're forgetting! Thank you so much for everything.
-Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson
P.S. We promise to bring her by on a day when you're working sometime soon!
She gave each of Lily's fathers a huge hug, and opened the package. Inside, she found a Willow Tree Guardian Angel statue - it was an angel holding the hands of a small child (found HERE).
“We feel like you've been Lily's guardian angel this entire time - we can never thank you enough for that,” Blaine told her.
“Believe me, it was my pleasure. You are taking home the sweetest, most precious baby …” She took a deep breath, and regarded the other envelope. “Do you want me to open this, or does it need to go to the manager, or what??”
“You can open it, but it probably will need to go to your manager at some point.”
She cracked the envelope open, read the card, and gasped at what was inside. It was a check for $5,000, accompanied by a note that stated that the donation was to be used only for the NICU in whatever capacity that the nurse manager saw fit, and stipulated that a committee of unit-nominated nurses had to be a part of the decision-making for how the money would be used.
“We tried to cover all our bases so you guys could actually get something you need...”
“Oh my God, y'all...” She stood up, walked out of the pod to the nurses' station, and had the secretary call the unit manager to come in Pod 5. When she did, and saw what Kurt and Blaine had done, her hand flew to her mouth, and she pulled them both in for a hug.
“Mr. Anderson, Mr. Hummel, thank you from the very bottom of all our hearts here... Oh my goodness …” The poor manager was speechless. The waterworks were going full-force by that time, and they took advantage of the tissues that the other nurse had brought. They took a few minutes to pull themselves together, passing Lily back and forth between the three of them, giving her kisses and laughing at her open-mouthed grins.
Once the nurse manager had assured them that the money would be used for NICU needs only, and Sarah Grace had regained control of her emotions, she sniffled once more, and said “Okay. Now. We need to get stuff in order so we can get you guys out of here. You brought her medicine with you?”
Blaine fished it out of the diaper bag.
“Okay, I know you know how to administer it from the syringes we have up here, but I just need to watch you pull it up in one of your syringes and check you off on that.”
They each did so, and Sarah Grace wrote it down on Lily's chart.
“Good. We've been slowly adjusting her medication times so you don't have to get up in the middle of the night to give it to her, because she's sleeping pretty well at night now. So we've got her on a 9 am and 9 pm schedule. And the most important thing about your bottle of medicine: the pediatrician is not going to write you a new prescription. This is a month's supply, and Lily will be completely weaned off within the month. So that means that if you spill this bottle, she'll have to be readmitted to the hospital to get more. So … just treat that bottle like it's fine china, okay?”
Their eyes grew wide. “Oh my god, that totally means that I'm going to spill it, I know...” Kurt worried.
“No, Kurt, you'll be fine. Don't worry, okay … I just have to let you know that. You guys will be great.” They nodded warily at her.
“Okay, second order of business: you need to make a follow-up pediatrician's appointment with Dr. Oliver within the week. Here are two copies of your discharge summary - one for your diaper bag, to keep with you all the time just in case she ever has to go to the hospital, and one to take with you to the doctor at your first appointment.”
Blaine stuffed both of them down into the diaper bag.
“Okay, just sign here for me, and here...” Sarah Grace indicated to two lines on Lily's discharge summary. They did so, and she smiled. “And we're done here. Let's get her leads off and get her home with you.”
Within five seconds, their baby was free of leads and wires and monitors, and Blaine picked her up out of her crib, his heart about to explode with happiness. She grinned her toothless grin at him, and he just about died on the spot. He handed her to Sarah Grace for a picture, snapping one right as Lily smiled at Sarah Grace. After a few more, and after they'd gotten some with other nurses and a few practitioners, it was time to go. They set her in the carseat, adjusted the straps, and fastened her in, her fluffy tutu poofing out everywhere. Blaine grabbed the camera again and snapped several more pictures. He picked up the carseat, Kurt grabbed the diaper bag and the patient belonging bag that Sarah Grace had put together for them with all 66 of Lily's hearts, the card, and all the things from her bedside, and Sarah Grace grabbed her bathtub, bath items, and storybooks. Once they'd gotten everything, they looked like Sherpas laden down with packs, getting ready to go on an expedition. Luckily they just had to make it out to the car.
As Sarah Grace walked them out, they were bombarded with nurses and doctors and other ancillary staff who wanted to give their congratulations and a hug before Lily left the building for good. And just like that they were walking through the doors, going down the elevator, and out into the open air. It was the first time that Lily had ever been outside. She blinked her bright blue eyes, squinting from the sun in spite of the fact that they'd pulled the cover over the carseat, giving her some shade. Kurt pulled the car around to the hospital doors, and they quickly loaded up the back with all of Lily's possessions - it was surprising how much stuff such a small baby could accrue in just two months. They hoisted her carseat onto the base, snapping it in place and pushing the handle all the way back, and then they turned to Sarah Grace.
“Thank you, so much, from the very bottom of our hearts,” Kurt told her.
“I promise, we'll bring her back soon. We're not going to forget about any of you guys,” Blaine assured her.
She pressed her lips together in a thin line, then pulled her phone out of her pocket. “This is not kosher, and I don't normally do this, so don't broadcast it all over the place … but why don't I give you my cell number? That way, if you have issues or questions or whatever … you'll have somebody to call who you can trust. Not that you shouldn't call your pediatrician if you're concerned about something, but if you just have a general question, or something you're not sure is serious or not … please give me a call. I would be more than happy to help. And if, by chance, you happen to accidentally text me a picture of her at some point, I'm not going to be mad or anything...”
They laughed, and put her number in their cell phones as she called it out to them. “Seriously Sarah Grace, thank you for everything you've done for us. You have no idea how much this day means to us,” Blaine said, giving her a tight hug.
“Believe me, it was my pleasure. You guys are so easy to deal with, and Lily is just a joy - you're lucky to be taking home such a calm baby. You'd never know she was on methadone at all, save for a few bad days here and there...”
“We just hope she's as good for us at home as she was for you. I'm afraid she's going to sense that we don't know what we're doing and freak out... Are you sure we can't just take you with us? Just, you know, for standby purposes?” Kurt pulled her into a hug as well.
She squeezed him back as she replied, “That's what the cell number is for. Now. You guys take care. We'll miss you.”
And with great resolve, she waved, blew a kiss to Lily, already sleeping in the backseat, and turned to walk back into the unit, which now felt surprisingly empty despite only missing one baby out of the forty they'd started with that morning.
* * * * * * * *
Blaine and Kurt were gazing at their baby girl, still asleep in her carseat from the drive home, now perched on the kitchen counter. They didn't want to disturb her from her restful sleep, but they couldn't leave her, so they just sat and stared.
“Blaine, she's ours,” Kurt said softly, awestruck.
“I know.” He was quiet for a few moments. “Have you sent a picture to your dad yet?”
“No, I completely forgot I said I would...” He whipped out his cell phone, took a picture of the sleeping child, and sent it to no less than 35 of their closest friends and family. Within seconds, his phone was buzzing nonstop. “Well, I think she's popular...”
“I can't imagine why...” Blaine said, looking down at the fuzzy, almost-white down that covered her head, the clear, porcelain skin that looked so much like Kurt's, and the perfect little lips that formed a puckered rosebud while she slept. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, and she was home, and she was theirs.
They sat like that for an hour, not moving, literally doing nothing but looking at her, when she started to stir, ready to eat.
Kurt looked at Blaine. “Do you think that we need to take her temperature before she eats every time like they did at the hospital?”
“Um … I don't think so? I mean, they never said anything about her temperature being too high or too low … maybe we should just take it if she feels hot? Or cold? Honestly Kurt, I have no idea...”
“Oh my God. We suck at this already.”
Blaine took a deep breath. “No. No, we took care of Violet after she came home for five days, and we didn't take her temperature every time she ate, and she was fine. We can do this. We'll be okay.”
Kurt nodded. “Okay. I'll get her and change her, if you'll mix up her formula...” He unbuckled her carseat straps and carefully lifted her into his arms. “Come on Lily - let's go christen your changing table,” he cooed at her.
While he was changing her diaper, Blaine was in the kitchen mixing her formula, checking and double checking the ratio of scoops to water. His hands shook a bit as he poured the powder into the bottle, and he couldn't figure out why this made him so nervous. They'd done the baby thing once before, and Lily was past the scary-newborn stage, she already had a good routine, and they'd been taking care of her for two months already. But there was something about being at home with just the three of them, no nurses on standby to give reassurance, that made him question every move he made. He took another deep breath, trying to calm himself down.
Kurt walked back into the kitchen where he was, Lily in one arm, still wearing her poofy pink tutu, and kissed him on the cheek. And suddenly, Blaine's nerves disappeared. Because it felt so normal for once. Lily was starting to fuss just a little bit, but no more than any other hungry 2-month-old. She was eating at her hands, and Kurt was gently bouncing her, looking more natural and happy than Blaine had ever seen him look.
“You want to feed her?”
Blaine's entire body smiled.
“Yeah. I do. Come here, Lily, come see Daddy,” he said, and reached out for his baby. She went to him happily, her hand coming to rest on the bottle that now rested in her sweet little mouth. Big, beautiful blue orbs stared up at him while she ate. Blaine moved into the living room, settling down on the couch and propping his feet up on the coffee table, and Kurt followed him.
“Kurt, this is our life now.”
“I know. I don't know how I'm ever going to be able to go back to work … you're lucky, you can write from home.”
“Honestly, I'm more worried about how we're ever going to be able to sleep again. She spent so long in the NICU where we couldn't stay all the time, I just don't know if I can walk away from her when I don't absolutely have to...”
“It'll help when Dad and Carole come later this week.”
“Yeah … probably so. I hate to share her, but it'll be nice to have them here - I miss them.”
“I know. It's been so long - but I'm really glad that they're giving us a few days with her before they come. I know it's selfish, but I just want her with us for a while.”
“I don't think that's a bad thing, though,” Blaine said, sitting Lily up to burp her. “We're her parents, Kurt … we get to be selfish with her. Especially since we haven't gotten to really take care of her the last two months.”
“Yeah. Does it seem surreal to you that we have her home now? It hasn't really sunk in for me yet, I don't think...”
“I don't know. It seems surreal to me that this is for good, you know, that nobody's going to come and take her away from us again. It's almost … like, weirdly mundane? That our life is just going to be this nice little routine with a baby now, especially next month after she's weaned off her medicine, and we'll just be doing the baby thing.”
“Oh, I'm sure it's not going to be mundane. It's going to get crazy when the fall shows start coming around...”
“And probably also when my publisher wants another book, and another tour to go along with that...”
“And if I ever get to start my own line...”
Blaine sighed and leaned back with Lily, who was finished with her bottle. “I think I'll take mundane for now.”
“I second that. Mundane is totally okay with me.” Kurt moved next to Blaine and grinned at Lily. She grinned right back.
[Chapter 23]
Title: Lights Will Guide You Home
Rating: R
Spoilers (if any): zero.
Warnings (if any): Daddy!Klaine! You might die of squee. You have been warned.
Word Count: 4734
Summary: 13 years from now, Blaine and Kurt have made a fabulous life for themselves, but there's something missing...
A/N: So, there are some things mentioned in this chapter which are not entirely kosher at hospitals, but that happen sometimes in NICUs because of the nature of the beast. As a general rule, gifts are not supposed to be exchanged between patients and caregivers, but when you take care of somebody's baby for months on end, especially when you bond with that baby, it's hard NOT to get attached, and want to exchange sort of "I love you and wish you well and you mean a lot to me" gifts. So. It does happen, and it's not unrealistic. I've also given my phone # to families on 2 occasions, but that is probably REALLY frowned upon and I wouldn't do it with anyone I didn't trust 100%. Also, there are three links here that show pictures of what they got each other, so look for those.
Lights Will Guide You Home
Chapter 22
Kurt and Blaine were waiting outside Nick's door the next morning. A few minutes passed, and a very sleepy-looking Jeff answered, clad in boxers and a t-shirt.
“G'morning,” he mumbled, leaving the door open for them to enter. “Nick's in the shower - he'll be out in a second.”
They followed him inside, sitting on the couch in the living room. “So how was your night last night?” Kurt asked, one eyebrow raised.
Jeff blushed. “Um, pretty good...”
“Oh really?”
“Kurt. That is totally not our business,” Blaine scolded him.
“What? I was just wondering...”
“No, it's cool. It's just … yeah. It was good.” He smiled, only slightly embarrassed. “God, I am just so happy to be with him, you have no idea. He's amazing. I mean, he was always my best friend, but he's just the most fantastic, thoughtful, caring boyfriend … Can I say that again? Boyfriend! I mean, I am fucking dating Nick Parker … how is this my life?”
They couple laughed. “We're really happy for you, Jeff,” Blaine told him.
Nick then walked out, a towel wrapped around his waist.
“Hey guys! I'm so sorry - we slept a little later than we meant to...”
“Hey, no problem,” Kurt said. “You're the one letting us borrow your car.”
“Which we appreciate to no end, by the way. We owe you big for this.”
“Guys, it's totally not a big deal. I'm just glad I could help.”
“Well … we really didn't want to expose Lily to the subway and God knows what kind of germs are growing on it, and figuring out a taxi with the carseat would just be a big pain in the ass and...”
“Kurt. I don't want to hear another word about it, okay? Here are the keys. Keep it as long as you need to.”
Blaine looked him in the eye. “Thank you. It's just … kind of a big day. We're both a little nervous...”
“Understandable,” Jeff said from the recliner, now curled up in a fuzzy blanket.
“Just go, guys. No big deal. You've got a lot of stuff to load, and I know you want to get there … just send us a picture of Lily in her crib when you get home, okay?”
“Deal.” Blaine took the keys from Nick's outstretched hand, and he and Kurt gave quick hugs to both Nick and Jeff. They then headed down the stairs to Nick's waiting SUV.
Kurt pushed the carseat base into the backseat of the Pilot. They stared at it, memories flooding their senses, a few tears threatening to spill over their eyelids.
“This is it. The next time we walk in our house, it'll be with Lily.”
Between the two of them, and with a little help from the manufacturer's instructions, they pulled and tugged and threaded the seat belt until the base was installed. Blaine clicked the carseat in place and handed the keys to Kurt after they'd finished loading everything in the back.
“I'm too … I don't know. Overwhelmed. Nervous. Something. I can't drive - will you?”
“Of course I will.”
They climbed into the front seat, and Kurt turned the car on. He looked over at Blaine, whose head was buried in crossed arms.
“Hey,” he said gently, combing a hand through his partner's hair, “You okay?”
“It's just a lot, you know?” Blaine said, looking up with wet streaks trailing down his cheeks. Kurt leaned toward him, pressing their foreheads together. “I … it's just a lot. I don't know how else to say it...”
“I know. But we can do this. I will be right here by your side the entire way. We'll get through today, we'll cry together and laugh together, and then we're going to get through her first year, and the terrible two's, and kindergarten, and grade school, and gymnastics or ballet or soccer or whatever else she wants to do. And eventually we'll deal with crushes and body image issues, and then we'll have to deal with boyfriends and, heaven forbid, prom, and graduation, and college, and a wedding … Blaine, it's going to be the best part of our life and the hardest thing we've ever done, but we're going to do it all together, and we'll get through it, just like we've always done, okay?”
Blaine was already crying, but he really lost it when Kurt got to the part about body image issues and crushes. Kurt's arms tightened around him and held him in their familiar grasp until his breathing calmed.
“God,” he sniffled, “I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from. I'll try to hold it together for the rest of the day...”
“And you will fail miserably, and so will I, and that's okay too. Now. Let's go get our baby girl.”
They made the drive over to Queens in silence, remembering the day a year before on which circumstances felt so similar, but were in reality so different. Once they got to the unit, Lily's neonatologist for the day met them at the scrub sinks and gave them both congratulatory hugs. They got high fives from one of the respiratory therapists on their way to Pod 5, and even the grumpy secretary at the front desk managed to give them a smile. But nothing could have prepared them for the sight they encountered when they reached Lily's bedside.
Her crib had been decked out sometime the afternoon or night prior in bright pink laminated hearts, each with a number on it. Above her crib hung a pink banner that read “66 Days of Lily.” And on her bedside table, one of the nurses had handmade a huge card that said “Happy Discharge Day!” on the front of it, and all of Lily's favorite nurses had signed the inside.
“Look Lily! Your Daddies are here to take you home!” Sarah Grace exclaimed. Lily was awake, and the nurse had her up and was making faces back and forth with the baby.
Dumbfounded, Kurt and Blaine walked slowly into the room. “What is all this?” Kurt asked.
“And … what's she wearing? That's not ours...”
Lily was wearing a white onesie with a big pink flower on the front (found HERE), and had on a huge pink ruffly tutu (found HERE). A headband encircled her head, embellished with a flower that matched the one on the onesie.
“Oh, Blaine honey, it's a going-away present for her … me and several of the night shift girls split it. We wanted to give her something so you guys could remember us. And the hearts on her crib are for each day that she's been with us - she's 66 days old today, so there are 66 hearts. I can take them off the crib, and you can take them home if you want.”
Kurt took Lily from Sarah Grace, holding her up and kissing her on the cheek as Blaine set the carseat down and pulled Sarah Grace into a hug.
“We will never forget you. How could you even think that we need something to remember you by? My god, you've taken care of our child for two months... We couldn't ask for anything else.”
“Well,” Sarah Grace began, blinking back tears, “Your Lily Elise is a special little girl with a special set of circumstances - we don't get to see a lot of happy endings like this. She - and the two of you - have done as much for us, lifting our spirits and giving us hope when we felt like we'd run out, as we have for you. It's the least we can do.”
“Thank you so much,” Kurt said, hugging her when Blaine let go, Lily still in his arms. They pulled up chairs and sat down to read the notes that the nurses had left them in the card.
Dear Lily,
It was a joy to work with you and watch you grow. Come back and see us. We love you!
-Nurse Carrie
P.S. Keep those Daddies of yours in line!
Dear Lily,
What a sweet girl you are! Thank you for bringing light and joy into a sometimes-sad place. We will miss you, but we're really glad to see you going home to such loving people.
Love,
Nurse Kimberly
Dear Lily,
My favorite part of the day was helping your dads give you a bath, get you in your jammies, and listen to them read you a bedtime story. It warms my heart to know that you'll be going home to a place like that. You are so, so lucky, sweet girl, and don't you ever forget it. Come back and see us!
Hugs and snuggles,
Nurse Laura
Dear Lily,
You have come so far, and it has been my pleasure to watch you progress while you've been here! Your Daddies are going to take such good care of you - they love you so, so, much, so try not to give them too hard of a time when you get older, okay? We love you.
-Nurse Alexis
And on the back of the card was a note from Sarah Grace.
Dear Kurt, Blaine, and Lily,
I'll be honest. When I first met Lily, my initial thought was “Oh, here we go again, another drug baby...” I was burned out, tired of seeing babies get sent home with parents that we knew wouldn't take care of them, tired of the extremely flawed system, tired of watching babies that I knew and loved fall through the cracks. But then I found out about the adoption plan, and Lily's mother's unusual and impressive selflessness. And then I met two of the most wonderful men I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, and my thoughts changed tremendously. Kurt, like I've told you time and time again, you remind me so much of my brother - and getting to spend time with you, and getting to know you, has been like a tiny glimpse of what he might have been like had he lived long enough to grow up. It has been a blessing, getting to experience that, and I can never thank you enough for just being who you are. And Blaine, you are one of the sweetest, most genuine and most loving people I've ever met. You exude empathy for people, you're so optimistic, so trusting despite being burned in the past. And the two of you together - I feel like your relationship is something out of a movie, one of the great romances of our generation. The way you love each other is inspiring and sweet and adorable, and it brought so much joy to my day just to get to watch the two of you interact with each other and with Lily. I would wish you good luck with her, but I know you won't need it, because you've already proven yourselves to be excellent parents, so I'm just going to send you on your way with my warmest wishes, and my most heartfelt thanks for restoring my faith in people again. You will be brilliant fathers. Please, please, please stay in touch.
All my love,
Sarah Grace
All three of them were crying by the time they reached the end of Sarah Grace's note. She smiled at them through her tears.
“I said I wasn't going to do this today, you know, cry like this. It's a happy day. I'm so happy for you...” And with those words, she just started crying harder. One of the other nurses in the pod brought them all a box of tissues.
“Ugh, we might as well do this now while we're all crying already,” Kurt said, reaching down into Lily's diaper bag and pulling out two envelopes and a small package. “This is for you,” he said, indicating to the package and one of the envelopes. “And this is for the unit.” He nodded toward the other envelope.
She opened the card, quickly scanning it.
Dear Sarah Grace,
What a long road this has been! We could never be more grateful to have such a fantastic nurse at Lily's side - thank you so much for everything that you've done for her, and for us. Thank you for your patience in explaining things that we didn't understand, and for making us feel comfortable that first terrifying day. Thank you for welcoming our family and friends with open arms whenever they've visited with us. But thank you, most of all, for falling in love with our little girl and making sure that she had everything she needed and more. We know you've bent over backwards, have gone above and beyond the call of duty, on more than one occasion for both her and us, and it has not gone unnoticed. We'll miss you so much - we're not going to know what to do with her at home without you there to remind us of what we're forgetting! Thank you so much for everything.
-Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson
P.S. We promise to bring her by on a day when you're working sometime soon!
She gave each of Lily's fathers a huge hug, and opened the package. Inside, she found a Willow Tree Guardian Angel statue - it was an angel holding the hands of a small child (found HERE).
“We feel like you've been Lily's guardian angel this entire time - we can never thank you enough for that,” Blaine told her.
“Believe me, it was my pleasure. You are taking home the sweetest, most precious baby …” She took a deep breath, and regarded the other envelope. “Do you want me to open this, or does it need to go to the manager, or what??”
“You can open it, but it probably will need to go to your manager at some point.”
She cracked the envelope open, read the card, and gasped at what was inside. It was a check for $5,000, accompanied by a note that stated that the donation was to be used only for the NICU in whatever capacity that the nurse manager saw fit, and stipulated that a committee of unit-nominated nurses had to be a part of the decision-making for how the money would be used.
“We tried to cover all our bases so you guys could actually get something you need...”
“Oh my God, y'all...” She stood up, walked out of the pod to the nurses' station, and had the secretary call the unit manager to come in Pod 5. When she did, and saw what Kurt and Blaine had done, her hand flew to her mouth, and she pulled them both in for a hug.
“Mr. Anderson, Mr. Hummel, thank you from the very bottom of all our hearts here... Oh my goodness …” The poor manager was speechless. The waterworks were going full-force by that time, and they took advantage of the tissues that the other nurse had brought. They took a few minutes to pull themselves together, passing Lily back and forth between the three of them, giving her kisses and laughing at her open-mouthed grins.
Once the nurse manager had assured them that the money would be used for NICU needs only, and Sarah Grace had regained control of her emotions, she sniffled once more, and said “Okay. Now. We need to get stuff in order so we can get you guys out of here. You brought her medicine with you?”
Blaine fished it out of the diaper bag.
“Okay, I know you know how to administer it from the syringes we have up here, but I just need to watch you pull it up in one of your syringes and check you off on that.”
They each did so, and Sarah Grace wrote it down on Lily's chart.
“Good. We've been slowly adjusting her medication times so you don't have to get up in the middle of the night to give it to her, because she's sleeping pretty well at night now. So we've got her on a 9 am and 9 pm schedule. And the most important thing about your bottle of medicine: the pediatrician is not going to write you a new prescription. This is a month's supply, and Lily will be completely weaned off within the month. So that means that if you spill this bottle, she'll have to be readmitted to the hospital to get more. So … just treat that bottle like it's fine china, okay?”
Their eyes grew wide. “Oh my god, that totally means that I'm going to spill it, I know...” Kurt worried.
“No, Kurt, you'll be fine. Don't worry, okay … I just have to let you know that. You guys will be great.” They nodded warily at her.
“Okay, second order of business: you need to make a follow-up pediatrician's appointment with Dr. Oliver within the week. Here are two copies of your discharge summary - one for your diaper bag, to keep with you all the time just in case she ever has to go to the hospital, and one to take with you to the doctor at your first appointment.”
Blaine stuffed both of them down into the diaper bag.
“Okay, just sign here for me, and here...” Sarah Grace indicated to two lines on Lily's discharge summary. They did so, and she smiled. “And we're done here. Let's get her leads off and get her home with you.”
Within five seconds, their baby was free of leads and wires and monitors, and Blaine picked her up out of her crib, his heart about to explode with happiness. She grinned her toothless grin at him, and he just about died on the spot. He handed her to Sarah Grace for a picture, snapping one right as Lily smiled at Sarah Grace. After a few more, and after they'd gotten some with other nurses and a few practitioners, it was time to go. They set her in the carseat, adjusted the straps, and fastened her in, her fluffy tutu poofing out everywhere. Blaine grabbed the camera again and snapped several more pictures. He picked up the carseat, Kurt grabbed the diaper bag and the patient belonging bag that Sarah Grace had put together for them with all 66 of Lily's hearts, the card, and all the things from her bedside, and Sarah Grace grabbed her bathtub, bath items, and storybooks. Once they'd gotten everything, they looked like Sherpas laden down with packs, getting ready to go on an expedition. Luckily they just had to make it out to the car.
As Sarah Grace walked them out, they were bombarded with nurses and doctors and other ancillary staff who wanted to give their congratulations and a hug before Lily left the building for good. And just like that they were walking through the doors, going down the elevator, and out into the open air. It was the first time that Lily had ever been outside. She blinked her bright blue eyes, squinting from the sun in spite of the fact that they'd pulled the cover over the carseat, giving her some shade. Kurt pulled the car around to the hospital doors, and they quickly loaded up the back with all of Lily's possessions - it was surprising how much stuff such a small baby could accrue in just two months. They hoisted her carseat onto the base, snapping it in place and pushing the handle all the way back, and then they turned to Sarah Grace.
“Thank you, so much, from the very bottom of our hearts,” Kurt told her.
“I promise, we'll bring her back soon. We're not going to forget about any of you guys,” Blaine assured her.
She pressed her lips together in a thin line, then pulled her phone out of her pocket. “This is not kosher, and I don't normally do this, so don't broadcast it all over the place … but why don't I give you my cell number? That way, if you have issues or questions or whatever … you'll have somebody to call who you can trust. Not that you shouldn't call your pediatrician if you're concerned about something, but if you just have a general question, or something you're not sure is serious or not … please give me a call. I would be more than happy to help. And if, by chance, you happen to accidentally text me a picture of her at some point, I'm not going to be mad or anything...”
They laughed, and put her number in their cell phones as she called it out to them. “Seriously Sarah Grace, thank you for everything you've done for us. You have no idea how much this day means to us,” Blaine said, giving her a tight hug.
“Believe me, it was my pleasure. You guys are so easy to deal with, and Lily is just a joy - you're lucky to be taking home such a calm baby. You'd never know she was on methadone at all, save for a few bad days here and there...”
“We just hope she's as good for us at home as she was for you. I'm afraid she's going to sense that we don't know what we're doing and freak out... Are you sure we can't just take you with us? Just, you know, for standby purposes?” Kurt pulled her into a hug as well.
She squeezed him back as she replied, “That's what the cell number is for. Now. You guys take care. We'll miss you.”
And with great resolve, she waved, blew a kiss to Lily, already sleeping in the backseat, and turned to walk back into the unit, which now felt surprisingly empty despite only missing one baby out of the forty they'd started with that morning.
* * * * * * * *
Blaine and Kurt were gazing at their baby girl, still asleep in her carseat from the drive home, now perched on the kitchen counter. They didn't want to disturb her from her restful sleep, but they couldn't leave her, so they just sat and stared.
“Blaine, she's ours,” Kurt said softly, awestruck.
“I know.” He was quiet for a few moments. “Have you sent a picture to your dad yet?”
“No, I completely forgot I said I would...” He whipped out his cell phone, took a picture of the sleeping child, and sent it to no less than 35 of their closest friends and family. Within seconds, his phone was buzzing nonstop. “Well, I think she's popular...”
“I can't imagine why...” Blaine said, looking down at the fuzzy, almost-white down that covered her head, the clear, porcelain skin that looked so much like Kurt's, and the perfect little lips that formed a puckered rosebud while she slept. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, and she was home, and she was theirs.
They sat like that for an hour, not moving, literally doing nothing but looking at her, when she started to stir, ready to eat.
Kurt looked at Blaine. “Do you think that we need to take her temperature before she eats every time like they did at the hospital?”
“Um … I don't think so? I mean, they never said anything about her temperature being too high or too low … maybe we should just take it if she feels hot? Or cold? Honestly Kurt, I have no idea...”
“Oh my God. We suck at this already.”
Blaine took a deep breath. “No. No, we took care of Violet after she came home for five days, and we didn't take her temperature every time she ate, and she was fine. We can do this. We'll be okay.”
Kurt nodded. “Okay. I'll get her and change her, if you'll mix up her formula...” He unbuckled her carseat straps and carefully lifted her into his arms. “Come on Lily - let's go christen your changing table,” he cooed at her.
While he was changing her diaper, Blaine was in the kitchen mixing her formula, checking and double checking the ratio of scoops to water. His hands shook a bit as he poured the powder into the bottle, and he couldn't figure out why this made him so nervous. They'd done the baby thing once before, and Lily was past the scary-newborn stage, she already had a good routine, and they'd been taking care of her for two months already. But there was something about being at home with just the three of them, no nurses on standby to give reassurance, that made him question every move he made. He took another deep breath, trying to calm himself down.
Kurt walked back into the kitchen where he was, Lily in one arm, still wearing her poofy pink tutu, and kissed him on the cheek. And suddenly, Blaine's nerves disappeared. Because it felt so normal for once. Lily was starting to fuss just a little bit, but no more than any other hungry 2-month-old. She was eating at her hands, and Kurt was gently bouncing her, looking more natural and happy than Blaine had ever seen him look.
“You want to feed her?”
Blaine's entire body smiled.
“Yeah. I do. Come here, Lily, come see Daddy,” he said, and reached out for his baby. She went to him happily, her hand coming to rest on the bottle that now rested in her sweet little mouth. Big, beautiful blue orbs stared up at him while she ate. Blaine moved into the living room, settling down on the couch and propping his feet up on the coffee table, and Kurt followed him.
“Kurt, this is our life now.”
“I know. I don't know how I'm ever going to be able to go back to work … you're lucky, you can write from home.”
“Honestly, I'm more worried about how we're ever going to be able to sleep again. She spent so long in the NICU where we couldn't stay all the time, I just don't know if I can walk away from her when I don't absolutely have to...”
“It'll help when Dad and Carole come later this week.”
“Yeah … probably so. I hate to share her, but it'll be nice to have them here - I miss them.”
“I know. It's been so long - but I'm really glad that they're giving us a few days with her before they come. I know it's selfish, but I just want her with us for a while.”
“I don't think that's a bad thing, though,” Blaine said, sitting Lily up to burp her. “We're her parents, Kurt … we get to be selfish with her. Especially since we haven't gotten to really take care of her the last two months.”
“Yeah. Does it seem surreal to you that we have her home now? It hasn't really sunk in for me yet, I don't think...”
“I don't know. It seems surreal to me that this is for good, you know, that nobody's going to come and take her away from us again. It's almost … like, weirdly mundane? That our life is just going to be this nice little routine with a baby now, especially next month after she's weaned off her medicine, and we'll just be doing the baby thing.”
“Oh, I'm sure it's not going to be mundane. It's going to get crazy when the fall shows start coming around...”
“And probably also when my publisher wants another book, and another tour to go along with that...”
“And if I ever get to start my own line...”
Blaine sighed and leaned back with Lily, who was finished with her bottle. “I think I'll take mundane for now.”
“I second that. Mundane is totally okay with me.” Kurt moved next to Blaine and grinned at Lily. She grinned right back.
[Chapter 23]