Fan-mixes by Laurie and additional art work by Pattrose for A Glimmering From Afar
DW Master Post
ETA I believe (crossing my fingers) that everything is cool now. If you download and have any problems with the songs being out of order, please let me know.
pattrose read the stories in A Glimmering From Afar as I wrote them, cheerleading and encouraging me to continue writing. She also expressed that support by making banners and story art and sending it to me. I'm very appreciative of her artwork, and I've included it on this page for others to enjoy. Thank you, Patt.
Fan-mixes. I do them because I like music and I like trying to capture the situations and feelings of the characters, in this case, Blair Sandburg and Jim Ellison, as I saw them in the three stories I wrote for the 2010 Sentinel Big Bang. Under the cut I pair up a line or two of lyrics with quotes from the stories.
Download links: I'm trying Dropbox, as other places I've used haven't worked out. Link to Path of Sorrow Fan Mix | Mercy's Door Fan Mix | Thorns and Briers Fan Mix.
The Path of Sorrows Fan-mix. Story link at DW ; Story link at LJ
We'll meet Along the Way, I Know Hem
Father and Son Cat Stevens
Love Child Diana Ross and The Supremes
The Boys Are Back In Town Bruce Springsteen
On the Road to Find Out Cat Stevens
I Will Follow U-2
I'm Looking Through You The Wallflowers
Everything is Broken Bob Dylan
Trouble Cat Stevens
I'm Not Afraid to Die Gillian Welch
Percy's Song Fairport Convention
Carry That Weight The Beatles
Running on Faith Eric Clapton
Sweet Child of Mine Sheryl Crowe
Crazy on You Heart
Get It While You Can Janis Joplin
Bridge Over Troubled Water Willie Nelson
Here Comes the Sun The Beatles
Lord Elgin Steeleyed Span
Baby, You're My Destiny Taj Mahal
The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face Johnny Cash
Since You've Asked Judy Collins
Ancesteral Circle various artists
Bright Morning Stars Judy Collins
Artwork by Pattrose
Mercy's Door Fan-mix. Story link at DW; Story link at LJ
With a Little Help From My Friends The Beatles
Keep On the Sunny Side The Carter Family
Drink the Night Away Gaelic Storm
You've Got a Friend James Taylor
Sunshine of Your Life Cream
picture by pattrose
Thorns and Briers Fan-Mix. Story link to my DW; Story link to my LJ
Boadicea Enya
No Heaven Christian Kjellvand
Handle With Care Jenny Lewis
Some Humans Ain't Human John Prine
I'm Only Sleeping The Beatles
Winds of Change Jefferson Starship
There are spoilers for the stories behind the cut.
The Path of Sorrow
We'll meet Along the Way, I Know Hem
Go easy now
Go easy now
Later on the road I'm gonna lay my body down
We'll meet along the way I know
Grow straight and true
Grow straight and true
Later on the road is gonna break your world in two
We'll meet along the way I know...
"Banks opened his door but before I stepped out, I glanced back at the holo of Blair Sandburg. His big blue eyes seemed to stare right at me, a welcoming smile in them.
If Banks was right, he was poison wrapped up in a pretty package.
And if Banks was wrong... I stopped myself from going down that path. He was a suspect. I was going to either condemn him or clear him
******
Father and Son Cat Stevens
From the moment I could talk,
I was ordered to listen,
now there's a way
and I know that I have to go away,
I have to go away...
"My father and brother and I didn't even pretend to be interested in each other's lives, and my father disapproved of my career choices. He'd told me a man of my class could do better than being a soldier and a protector, and that I was a disappointment to him."
******
Love Child Diana Ross and The Supremes
Love child, love child,
never quite as good,
afraid, ashamed, misunderstood...
"Banks continued. “But he (Blair) needs money, too. He's got to have a decent bank account to prove he's ready to be assigned up the social ladder. This drug money can be laundered into something respectable. He could use the cash to bribe somebody into adopting him. He's got no father listed on record, but an adoption would speed things up for him, and he could jump up to the upper common or even the superior class that way.”
******
The Boys Are Back In Town Bruce Springsteen
Guess who just got back today
Them wild-eyed boys that have been away
Hadn't changed hadn't much to say
But man, I still think them cats are crazy
They were askin' if you were around
How you was, where you could be found?
Told them you maybe livin' downtown
Drivin' all the old men crazy...
"But looking over the list of his known acquaintances, aside from his college ones, that Jack and I had compiled and checked out here on Quyllur and even more so back on New Rainier, he'd been buddies with prostitutes, smugglers, bookies, gamblers, and men who were suspected of resurrecting the illegal practice of prize-fighting."
******
On the Road to Find Out Cat Stevens
I listen to the wind come howl,
telling me I have to hurry.
I listen to the robin's songsaying not to worry, ooh.
So on and on I go,
the seconds tick the time out,
there's so much left to know,
and I'm on the road to find out...
"He was being sent from tribe to tribe, and his description went before him. A young man, small for an outlander, with eyes the color of the sea and hair of many shades that twisted and turned. In other words, he matched the description Banks had given me - short, blue-eyed, with curly brown hair. The Sho'nakan had dark brown eyes and black hair, with nary a curl, so Sandburg would look very exotic to them.
He also, Incacha told me, was considered an apprentice to the shamans he had studied under. He could take the final path of a shaman, but where that path would lead to, Incacha did not know."
******
I Will Follow U-2
Walk away, walk away, I’ll walk away, walk away,
I will follow,
If you walk away, walk away, I’ll walk away, walk away,
I will follow, I will.
Your eyes make a circle,
I see you and go in there,
Your eyes, your eyes,
Your eyes...
"But I didn't meet with him the next day. We'd spooked our quarry and he'd disappeared in the night. And he stayed gone."
******
I'm Looking Through You The Wallflowers
I'm looking through you
Where did you go?
I thought I knew you
What did I know?
You don't look different
But you have changed
I'm looking through you
You're not the same...
"He refused to speak to me after he woke up and identified me for the doctor.
'Jim Ellison, MIC undercover detective and monumental prick,' was how he'd answered the doctor's question. Then he rolled away from me and wouldn't respond to anything I asked him."
******
Everything is Broken Bob Dylan
Seem like every time you stop and turn around
Something else just hit the ground
Broken cutters broken saws
Broken buckles broken laws
Broken bodies broken bones
Broken voices on broken phones
Take a deep breath feel like you're chokin'
Everything is broken...
"I ignored him when he kept insisting he was innocent, and I just wanted him to stop trying to bullshit me by explaining again how he was the victim in this crime.
God in all of its faces. I'd had enough.
I swung him into a wall and pinned him with my body, my lips close enough to his ear to lick the sweet shell of it.
“Shut up until you talk to a lawyer,” I whispered, already disgusted with myself for still wanting to protect him."
******
Trouble Cat Stevens
Just let me go where
I have to go there
Trouble oh trouble move away
I have seen your face
And it's too much for me today...
"I would not pervert the holy plants in the way you have charged me. But no one believes me, and I will not be found blameless, I am told. I will not submit myself to life as a mindless drudge. And if even you, who I had hopes of... well, it does not matter now."
******
I'm Not Afraid to Die Gillian Welch
Nobody knows what waits ahead
Beyond the earth and sky
Lie-d Lie-d Lie
I'm not afraid to die
And there the work of my own handBe broken by and by
Lie-d Lie-d Lie
I'm not afraid to die...
"I will cast my soul back to its creator and if ever I return to the physical world I will hope for a better life than what I would have been condemned to by your laws.”
He closed his eyes and his form shifted to that of a gray wolf, not overly large, which still had Blair's intelligent blue eyes. The vines were no longer able to restrain him and with a final look at me he bounded away, running, running through the jungle."
******
Percy's Song Fairport Convention
But I knew him as well as I know my own self
Turn, turn, turn again
And he wouldn't harm a life that belonged to someone else
Turn, turn to the wind and the rain
That may be so said the judge from the side of his mouth
Turn, turn, turn again
But the witness who saw it, he left little doubt
Turn, turn to the wind and the rain
He may, he may have a sentence to serve
Turn, turn, turn again
But ninety-nine years, he just does not deserve
Turn, turn to the wind and the rain
Too late, too late, for his case it is sealed
Turn, turn, turn again
A sentence, it is passed and it can not be repealed
Turn, turn to the wind and the rain...
"If Blair was found guilty then he would have a sentencing date a few days later, in order to allow a placement to be finalized. Then he would be mind-wiped and sent to whatever huge business or factory-farm had gotten his contract from the Department of Justice. Business as usual, and the judge probably wouldn't even remember his face by next week."
******
Carry That Weight The Beatles
Boy, you're going to carry that weight
Carry that weight a long time
Boy, you're going to carry that weight
Carry that weight a long time...
"I moved in a haze, not really aware of my surroundings, because I was picturing Blair's cheerful, beautiful face morphing into the blank, dull look that I'd seen on those unlucky enough to be severely mind-wiped. The intelligence would be gone from his eyes, and I wondered if his good nature would remain."
******
Running on Faith Eric Clapton
All of our dreams would come true
And our world will be right
When love comes over me and you
Then we'd go running on faith
All of our dreams would come true
And our world will be right
When love comes over me and you
When love comes over you...
"Love makes people do crazy stuff. Everybody knew that. But I knew it wasn't reciprocal. Blair didn't love me, and he wasn't in love with me. But maybe he'd grow into it.
Maybe just me being in love with him would be enough to make this work."
******
Sweet Child of Mine Sheryl Crowe
He's got eyes of the bluest skies
And if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
His hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
Where do we go?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go?
Sweet child o' mine...
"I had saved his life, and my people believed that to do so meant that I was now his Blessed Protector. He was my responsibility. I had forced him to join his soul with mine, and we would have that connection for the rest of our lives. But did I want to live with him as his sentinel? I flashed again on his vibrant manner, the intelligence in his lovely face. I pictured all of that gone, Blair a mindless puppet."
******
Crazy on You Heart
Let me go crazy on you...
crazy on you
Let me go crazy, crazy on you...
oh.....Wild man's world is cryin' in pain
Whatcha' gonna do whan everybody's insane...
"C'mon, Jim,” he drawled, his voice all dark smoke. “This is what you wanted, isn't it?” He started stroking his erection, which had been straining the fabric of his knee length sleepers since he'd entered our quarters."
******
Get It While You Can Janis Joplin
So if someone comes along,
He’s gonna give you some love and affection
I’d say get it while you can, yeah!
Honey, get it while you can,
Hey, hey, get it while you can,
Don’t you turn your back on love, no, no!...
"Once upon a time, I wanted to do this, you know.” He was still shaking hard, and his lips remained tinged with blue. I gently disengaged his hand, and then went back to drying his mop of curls. Damn stuff took forever to get mostly dry, and I worked in silence, Blair's eyes becoming wet and shiny."
******
Bridge Over Troubled Water Willie Nelson
When you're down and out,
When you're on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I'll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pain is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down..."
"C'mere, you poor kid.” I pulled him to me and held him as he finally let himself cry. It wasn't pretty, the way he sobbed and he had to blow his nose a few times, but eventually the tears stopped running down his face."
******
Here Comes the Sun The Beatles
Little darling,
the smile's returning to the faces
Little darling,
it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun,
here comes the sun
and I say it's all right...
"I alone knew how depressed he felt sometimes, how a comment could hurt him, and how he felt caged. I did my best to make him feel cherished, in the weeks before we left for New Rainier. Sometimes I even succeeded."
******
Lord Elgin Steeleyed Span
Everyday of your life,
I'll give you
Everyday of your life,
I'm with you.
give you all the time that you're needing.
I'll be there for you when love lies bleeding.
Everyday of your life
you'll touch me
everyday of your life,
you'll watch me,
I'll be with you each and every morning
till the end of the day...
"The idiots had taken a natural attraction between sentinels and guides and ramped it up, resulting in this restrictive co-dependence. Also, in order to keep from going into withdrawal from each other, we'd have to touch a lot, stay physically close, sleep together cuddled up, if we didn't have sex every few days."
******
Baby, You're My Destiny Taj Mahal
Oh, I'm in love with you
and Baby you're my destiny,
you're my really destiny
Oh, my darling, oh my baby
I'm thrilled,
and I always will
cause Baby you said yes to me...
"When we awoke, wrapped in each other's arms, there was a new closeness we both felt. We both agreed that it felt like we'd known each other all our lives."
******
The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face Johnny Cash
The first time ever I saw your face, I thought the sun rose in your eyes.
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave,
To the dark and the endless sky, my love.
And the first time ever I kissed your mouth,
I felt the earth move through my hands.
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command.
And the first time ever I lay with you,
I felt your heart so close to mine.
And I know our joy would fill the earth,
And last till the end of time, my love.
The first time ever I saw your face.
"We made love again, so tenderly, touching with delight, an endless quiet passion while the stars wheeled in the sky above us, continuing our loving as the sun rose and set, and the moon and stars and sun spun above us for cycle after cycle."
******
Since You've Asked Judy Collins
What I'll give you since you asked
Is all my time together;
Take the rugged sunny days,
The warm and Rocky weather,
Take the roads that I have walked along,
Looking for tomorrow’s time,
Peace of mind.
As my life spills into yours,
Changing with the hours
Filling up the world with time,
Turning time to flowers,
I can show you all the songs
That I never sang to one man before...
"Before now. Wow. I mean, I'm looking at you and I feel all flushed and flustered and I want to kiss you, and I want to --” He looked at the children and finished that thought telepathically. “I want to fuck you, but that's not really it, I mean there's more and I want to be near you and wake up with you and if you decided you didn't want me anymore I think I might die from the pain. I feel vulnerable, like you cracked my shell open and you could reach right into my heart and hurt me so badly I'd never survive."
******
Ancestral Circle various artists
Instrumental
"Blair and I walked through the circle of people, who were talking and laughing and several patted me on the back as I joined them. Blair kept moving until he stood in front of Incacha. Everybody quieted and Incacha threw Naya on the fire, the herbal smoke spiraling up into the air, a sweet scent wafting over us. It was a simple ceremony, Incacha anointing Blair on the forehead with a herbal paste that even I knew was for purification."
******
Bright Morning Stars Judy Collins
Bright morning stars are rising.
The promise comes again,
That heals the broken hearted
That pleads our wars to end.
The silver moon light scatters like tears upon the lawn,
But eases sorrow.
We greet a bright new dawn.
Day is breaking in my soul...
"We said goodby to Quyllur as we rode up in Jack's bird to the Pride of Cascade. The planet hung in the sky, a blue-green gem, a beautiful image to take with us."
******
Mercy's Door Fan-mix
With a Little Help From My Friends The Beatles
What do I do when my love is away
Does it worry you to be alone?
How do I feel by the end of the day
Are you sad because you're on your own?
No, I get by with a little help from my friends...
"I told him I had a place in mind, and that if his probation officer fussed, I would verify that I had insisted he come to help me study. He shrugged and said he thought it would be okay then, and Jim would come by later anyway. As long as he was with Jim it wouldn't matter where he was, anywhere in Cascade. I didn't tell him I was taking him to a bar that specialized in drinks and food from Uluru."
******
Keep On the Sunny Side The Carter Family
Well there's a dark and a troubled side of life.
There's a bright and a sunny side too.
But if you meet with the darkness and strife,
The sunny side we also may view.
Keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side,
Keep on the sunny side of life.
It will help us every day, it will brighten all the way,
If we keep on the sunny side of life...
"Blair touched Jim briefly, gently on the face, and he looked so contented that it gave me a lump in my throat . Blair'd had a rough deal, no doubt about it, but he had something good, too, and I was glad for that."
******
Drink the Night Away Gaelic Storm
so we'll drink, and we'll dance,
and we'll drown our sorrow!
Weigh-hey! Hey Laddie Hey!
Weigh, hey, hey!
We'll drink the night away!...
"So I proposed a drinking game before we headed off, and I explained about how it worked. He looked thoughtfully at me, and he didn't look as blitzed as he had a few moments ago.
“Megan Connor. Did you get me here in order to get me drunk enough to agree to tell you the truth?"
******
You've Got a Friend James Taylor
Winter, Spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend?
People can be so cold.
They'll hurt you and desert you.
Well they'll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don't you let them.
You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again...
"Jim Ellison was trusting me to not hurt Blair. Well, I could do better than that. He was my friend now, and when we were back at the Academy, I'd look after him."
******
Sunshine of Your Life Cream
I'll be with you darling soon,
I'll be with you when the stars start falling.
I've been waiting so long
To be where I'm going
In the sunshine of your love.
I'm with you my love,
The light's shinin' through on you.
Yes, I'm with you my love...
"Blair was kind of melting into Jim's side, and though I would have liked to get to know Blair's sentinel, I thought it best to let Jim take Blair home while he could still walk."
******
Thorns and Briers Fan-Mix
Boadicea Enya
Instrumental
"I thought you'd left. Go home, Captain Banks. Get some sleep. I'm okay, and I'll tell Jim when he comes that you stopped by.” He made his voice sound as blank as his look had been earlier.
I laid my hand on his back and he flinched, every muscle tightening in the flight or fight reflex. I kept it where it was; I needed to break through this shell he'd built around himself.
“Sandburg, I need to ask you some questions. And I want the truth, so don't lie to me, boy."
******
No Heaven Christian Kjellvand
Can I trust you
Do you mean it?
Can I take it?
Got something to give...
"I'd kept my hand on his head, firm but gentle, and it was a tell-tale for his true emotions. I didn't have a soul bond that would inform me of what was really going on in that curly head, but If he truly loathed me, then he'd have told me to move my hand, or shook it off."
He didn't do either.
******
Handle With Care Jenny Lewis
Handle me with care
I'm so tired of being lonely
I still have some love to give
Won't you show me that you really care
Everybody's got somebody to lean on
Put your body next to mine, and dream on...
"“Simon, he's not okay. If he tells you he's all right, it's a front. He's feeling very vulnerable right now, and depressed and sick. He's also feeling lonely, and missing me, and I don't think he should be alone."
******
Some Humans Ain't Human John Prine
Some humans ain't human, though they walk like we do
They live and they breath, just to turn the old screw
They screw you when your sleepin', they try to screw you blind
Some humans ain't human, some people ain't kind...
"Ms. Giles apparently had enjoyed keeping her probationers under her thumb for as long as possible, which is why she had insisted they stay twelve hours in restraints."
******
I'm Only Sleeping The BeatlesPlease don't wake me, no
don't shake me
Leave me where I am
I'm only sleeping...
"Then he gave in and stretched out on my couch.
It's comfortable, and I've catnapped on it enough to know. I dropped an afghan I keep for times like this on top of him and when he made no move himself to unfold it, I did it for him.
He was asleep before I'd gotten to my desk."
******
Winds of Change Jefferson Starship
You got your life planned carefully
But you left out one detail
The hidden hand deals just one round
And the winds of change prevail
Walk softly through the desert sand
Old dreams lead the way
Nothing new in the sands of time
Just changes every day
Hang on - It's starting again
Hang on - There's no shelter from
the wind
Hang on - Like a fire from the sky
Winds of change are blowing by.
"Maybe I still didn't trust him, but to my chagrin, I realized that sometime tonight I'd crossed a line that I'd been sure I wouldn't.
Apparently, I did like the kid. But he didn't need to know that, exactly. I would keep an eye out for him, though. Make sure my promise to have him treated fairly was kept."
******
Thank you for downloading, if you enjoy fan-mixes.
Laurie, who has started drinking in a probably futile attempt to soothe away my cranky, cranky mood from hours and hours of twiddling my thumbs while the computer laughs at me. I mean, my husband fetched me a beer without me even asking.
ETA I believe (crossing my fingers) that everything is cool now. If you download and have any problems with the songs being out of order, please let me know.
pattrose read the stories in A Glimmering From Afar as I wrote them, cheerleading and encouraging me to continue writing. She also expressed that support by making banners and story art and sending it to me. I'm very appreciative of her artwork, and I've included it on this page for others to enjoy. Thank you, Patt.
Fan-mixes. I do them because I like music and I like trying to capture the situations and feelings of the characters, in this case, Blair Sandburg and Jim Ellison, as I saw them in the three stories I wrote for the 2010 Sentinel Big Bang. Under the cut I pair up a line or two of lyrics with quotes from the stories.
Download links: I'm trying Dropbox, as other places I've used haven't worked out. Link to Path of Sorrow Fan Mix | Mercy's Door Fan Mix | Thorns and Briers Fan Mix.
The Path of Sorrows Fan-mix. Story link at DW ; Story link at LJ
We'll meet Along the Way, I Know Hem
Father and Son Cat Stevens
Love Child Diana Ross and The Supremes
The Boys Are Back In Town Bruce Springsteen
On the Road to Find Out Cat Stevens
I Will Follow U-2
I'm Looking Through You The Wallflowers
Everything is Broken Bob Dylan
Trouble Cat Stevens
I'm Not Afraid to Die Gillian Welch
Percy's Song Fairport Convention
Carry That Weight The Beatles
Running on Faith Eric Clapton
Sweet Child of Mine Sheryl Crowe
Crazy on You Heart
Get It While You Can Janis Joplin
Bridge Over Troubled Water Willie Nelson
Here Comes the Sun The Beatles
Lord Elgin Steeleyed Span
Baby, You're My Destiny Taj Mahal
The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face Johnny Cash
Since You've Asked Judy Collins
Ancesteral Circle various artists
Bright Morning Stars Judy Collins
Artwork by Pattrose
Mercy's Door Fan-mix. Story link at DW; Story link at LJ
With a Little Help From My Friends The Beatles
Keep On the Sunny Side The Carter Family
Drink the Night Away Gaelic Storm
You've Got a Friend James Taylor
Sunshine of Your Life Cream
picture by pattrose
Thorns and Briers Fan-Mix. Story link to my DW; Story link to my LJ
Boadicea Enya
No Heaven Christian Kjellvand
Handle With Care Jenny Lewis
Some Humans Ain't Human John Prine
I'm Only Sleeping The Beatles
Winds of Change Jefferson Starship
There are spoilers for the stories behind the cut.
The Path of Sorrow
We'll meet Along the Way, I Know Hem
Go easy now
Go easy now
Later on the road I'm gonna lay my body down
We'll meet along the way I know
Grow straight and true
Grow straight and true
Later on the road is gonna break your world in two
We'll meet along the way I know...
"Banks opened his door but before I stepped out, I glanced back at the holo of Blair Sandburg. His big blue eyes seemed to stare right at me, a welcoming smile in them.
If Banks was right, he was poison wrapped up in a pretty package.
And if Banks was wrong... I stopped myself from going down that path. He was a suspect. I was going to either condemn him or clear him
******
Father and Son Cat Stevens
From the moment I could talk,
I was ordered to listen,
now there's a way
and I know that I have to go away,
I have to go away...
"My father and brother and I didn't even pretend to be interested in each other's lives, and my father disapproved of my career choices. He'd told me a man of my class could do better than being a soldier and a protector, and that I was a disappointment to him."
******
Love Child Diana Ross and The Supremes
Love child, love child,
never quite as good,
afraid, ashamed, misunderstood...
"Banks continued. “But he (Blair) needs money, too. He's got to have a decent bank account to prove he's ready to be assigned up the social ladder. This drug money can be laundered into something respectable. He could use the cash to bribe somebody into adopting him. He's got no father listed on record, but an adoption would speed things up for him, and he could jump up to the upper common or even the superior class that way.”
******
The Boys Are Back In Town Bruce Springsteen
Guess who just got back today
Them wild-eyed boys that have been away
Hadn't changed hadn't much to say
But man, I still think them cats are crazy
They were askin' if you were around
How you was, where you could be found?
Told them you maybe livin' downtown
Drivin' all the old men crazy...
"But looking over the list of his known acquaintances, aside from his college ones, that Jack and I had compiled and checked out here on Quyllur and even more so back on New Rainier, he'd been buddies with prostitutes, smugglers, bookies, gamblers, and men who were suspected of resurrecting the illegal practice of prize-fighting."
******
On the Road to Find Out Cat Stevens
I listen to the wind come howl,
telling me I have to hurry.
I listen to the robin's songsaying not to worry, ooh.
So on and on I go,
the seconds tick the time out,
there's so much left to know,
and I'm on the road to find out...
"He was being sent from tribe to tribe, and his description went before him. A young man, small for an outlander, with eyes the color of the sea and hair of many shades that twisted and turned. In other words, he matched the description Banks had given me - short, blue-eyed, with curly brown hair. The Sho'nakan had dark brown eyes and black hair, with nary a curl, so Sandburg would look very exotic to them.
He also, Incacha told me, was considered an apprentice to the shamans he had studied under. He could take the final path of a shaman, but where that path would lead to, Incacha did not know."
******
I Will Follow U-2
Walk away, walk away, I’ll walk away, walk away,
I will follow,
If you walk away, walk away, I’ll walk away, walk away,
I will follow, I will.
Your eyes make a circle,
I see you and go in there,
Your eyes, your eyes,
Your eyes...
"But I didn't meet with him the next day. We'd spooked our quarry and he'd disappeared in the night. And he stayed gone."
******
I'm Looking Through You The Wallflowers
I'm looking through you
Where did you go?
I thought I knew you
What did I know?
You don't look different
But you have changed
I'm looking through you
You're not the same...
"He refused to speak to me after he woke up and identified me for the doctor.
'Jim Ellison, MIC undercover detective and monumental prick,' was how he'd answered the doctor's question. Then he rolled away from me and wouldn't respond to anything I asked him."
******
Everything is Broken Bob Dylan
Seem like every time you stop and turn around
Something else just hit the ground
Broken cutters broken saws
Broken buckles broken laws
Broken bodies broken bones
Broken voices on broken phones
Take a deep breath feel like you're chokin'
Everything is broken...
"I ignored him when he kept insisting he was innocent, and I just wanted him to stop trying to bullshit me by explaining again how he was the victim in this crime.
God in all of its faces. I'd had enough.
I swung him into a wall and pinned him with my body, my lips close enough to his ear to lick the sweet shell of it.
“Shut up until you talk to a lawyer,” I whispered, already disgusted with myself for still wanting to protect him."
******
Trouble Cat Stevens
Just let me go where
I have to go there
Trouble oh trouble move away
I have seen your face
And it's too much for me today...
"I would not pervert the holy plants in the way you have charged me. But no one believes me, and I will not be found blameless, I am told. I will not submit myself to life as a mindless drudge. And if even you, who I had hopes of... well, it does not matter now."
******
I'm Not Afraid to Die Gillian Welch
Nobody knows what waits ahead
Beyond the earth and sky
Lie-d Lie-d Lie
I'm not afraid to die
And there the work of my own handBe broken by and by
Lie-d Lie-d Lie
I'm not afraid to die...
"I will cast my soul back to its creator and if ever I return to the physical world I will hope for a better life than what I would have been condemned to by your laws.”
He closed his eyes and his form shifted to that of a gray wolf, not overly large, which still had Blair's intelligent blue eyes. The vines were no longer able to restrain him and with a final look at me he bounded away, running, running through the jungle."
******
Percy's Song Fairport Convention
But I knew him as well as I know my own self
Turn, turn, turn again
And he wouldn't harm a life that belonged to someone else
Turn, turn to the wind and the rain
That may be so said the judge from the side of his mouth
Turn, turn, turn again
But the witness who saw it, he left little doubt
Turn, turn to the wind and the rain
He may, he may have a sentence to serve
Turn, turn, turn again
But ninety-nine years, he just does not deserve
Turn, turn to the wind and the rain
Too late, too late, for his case it is sealed
Turn, turn, turn again
A sentence, it is passed and it can not be repealed
Turn, turn to the wind and the rain...
"If Blair was found guilty then he would have a sentencing date a few days later, in order to allow a placement to be finalized. Then he would be mind-wiped and sent to whatever huge business or factory-farm had gotten his contract from the Department of Justice. Business as usual, and the judge probably wouldn't even remember his face by next week."
******
Carry That Weight The Beatles
Boy, you're going to carry that weight
Carry that weight a long time
Boy, you're going to carry that weight
Carry that weight a long time...
"I moved in a haze, not really aware of my surroundings, because I was picturing Blair's cheerful, beautiful face morphing into the blank, dull look that I'd seen on those unlucky enough to be severely mind-wiped. The intelligence would be gone from his eyes, and I wondered if his good nature would remain."
******
Running on Faith Eric Clapton
All of our dreams would come true
And our world will be right
When love comes over me and you
Then we'd go running on faith
All of our dreams would come true
And our world will be right
When love comes over me and you
When love comes over you...
"Love makes people do crazy stuff. Everybody knew that. But I knew it wasn't reciprocal. Blair didn't love me, and he wasn't in love with me. But maybe he'd grow into it.
Maybe just me being in love with him would be enough to make this work."
******
Sweet Child of Mine Sheryl Crowe
He's got eyes of the bluest skies
And if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
His hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
Where do we go?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go?
Sweet child o' mine...
"I had saved his life, and my people believed that to do so meant that I was now his Blessed Protector. He was my responsibility. I had forced him to join his soul with mine, and we would have that connection for the rest of our lives. But did I want to live with him as his sentinel? I flashed again on his vibrant manner, the intelligence in his lovely face. I pictured all of that gone, Blair a mindless puppet."
******
Crazy on You Heart
Let me go crazy on you...
crazy on you
Let me go crazy, crazy on you...
oh.....Wild man's world is cryin' in pain
Whatcha' gonna do whan everybody's insane...
"C'mon, Jim,” he drawled, his voice all dark smoke. “This is what you wanted, isn't it?” He started stroking his erection, which had been straining the fabric of his knee length sleepers since he'd entered our quarters."
******
Get It While You Can Janis Joplin
So if someone comes along,
He’s gonna give you some love and affection
I’d say get it while you can, yeah!
Honey, get it while you can,
Hey, hey, get it while you can,
Don’t you turn your back on love, no, no!...
"Once upon a time, I wanted to do this, you know.” He was still shaking hard, and his lips remained tinged with blue. I gently disengaged his hand, and then went back to drying his mop of curls. Damn stuff took forever to get mostly dry, and I worked in silence, Blair's eyes becoming wet and shiny."
******
Bridge Over Troubled Water Willie Nelson
When you're down and out,
When you're on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I'll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pain is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down..."
"C'mere, you poor kid.” I pulled him to me and held him as he finally let himself cry. It wasn't pretty, the way he sobbed and he had to blow his nose a few times, but eventually the tears stopped running down his face."
******
Here Comes the Sun The Beatles
Little darling,
the smile's returning to the faces
Little darling,
it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun,
here comes the sun
and I say it's all right...
"I alone knew how depressed he felt sometimes, how a comment could hurt him, and how he felt caged. I did my best to make him feel cherished, in the weeks before we left for New Rainier. Sometimes I even succeeded."
******
Lord Elgin Steeleyed Span
Everyday of your life,
I'll give you
Everyday of your life,
I'm with you.
give you all the time that you're needing.
I'll be there for you when love lies bleeding.
Everyday of your life
you'll touch me
everyday of your life,
you'll watch me,
I'll be with you each and every morning
till the end of the day...
"The idiots had taken a natural attraction between sentinels and guides and ramped it up, resulting in this restrictive co-dependence. Also, in order to keep from going into withdrawal from each other, we'd have to touch a lot, stay physically close, sleep together cuddled up, if we didn't have sex every few days."
******
Baby, You're My Destiny Taj Mahal
Oh, I'm in love with you
and Baby you're my destiny,
you're my really destiny
Oh, my darling, oh my baby
I'm thrilled,
and I always will
cause Baby you said yes to me...
"When we awoke, wrapped in each other's arms, there was a new closeness we both felt. We both agreed that it felt like we'd known each other all our lives."
******
The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face Johnny Cash
The first time ever I saw your face, I thought the sun rose in your eyes.
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave,
To the dark and the endless sky, my love.
And the first time ever I kissed your mouth,
I felt the earth move through my hands.
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command.
And the first time ever I lay with you,
I felt your heart so close to mine.
And I know our joy would fill the earth,
And last till the end of time, my love.
The first time ever I saw your face.
"We made love again, so tenderly, touching with delight, an endless quiet passion while the stars wheeled in the sky above us, continuing our loving as the sun rose and set, and the moon and stars and sun spun above us for cycle after cycle."
******
Since You've Asked Judy Collins
What I'll give you since you asked
Is all my time together;
Take the rugged sunny days,
The warm and Rocky weather,
Take the roads that I have walked along,
Looking for tomorrow’s time,
Peace of mind.
As my life spills into yours,
Changing with the hours
Filling up the world with time,
Turning time to flowers,
I can show you all the songs
That I never sang to one man before...
"Before now. Wow. I mean, I'm looking at you and I feel all flushed and flustered and I want to kiss you, and I want to --” He looked at the children and finished that thought telepathically. “I want to fuck you, but that's not really it, I mean there's more and I want to be near you and wake up with you and if you decided you didn't want me anymore I think I might die from the pain. I feel vulnerable, like you cracked my shell open and you could reach right into my heart and hurt me so badly I'd never survive."
******
Ancestral Circle various artists
Instrumental
"Blair and I walked through the circle of people, who were talking and laughing and several patted me on the back as I joined them. Blair kept moving until he stood in front of Incacha. Everybody quieted and Incacha threw Naya on the fire, the herbal smoke spiraling up into the air, a sweet scent wafting over us. It was a simple ceremony, Incacha anointing Blair on the forehead with a herbal paste that even I knew was for purification."
******
Bright Morning Stars Judy Collins
Bright morning stars are rising.
The promise comes again,
That heals the broken hearted
That pleads our wars to end.
The silver moon light scatters like tears upon the lawn,
But eases sorrow.
We greet a bright new dawn.
Day is breaking in my soul...
"We said goodby to Quyllur as we rode up in Jack's bird to the Pride of Cascade. The planet hung in the sky, a blue-green gem, a beautiful image to take with us."
******
Mercy's Door Fan-mix
With a Little Help From My Friends The Beatles
What do I do when my love is away
Does it worry you to be alone?
How do I feel by the end of the day
Are you sad because you're on your own?
No, I get by with a little help from my friends...
"I told him I had a place in mind, and that if his probation officer fussed, I would verify that I had insisted he come to help me study. He shrugged and said he thought it would be okay then, and Jim would come by later anyway. As long as he was with Jim it wouldn't matter where he was, anywhere in Cascade. I didn't tell him I was taking him to a bar that specialized in drinks and food from Uluru."
******
Keep On the Sunny Side The Carter Family
Well there's a dark and a troubled side of life.
There's a bright and a sunny side too.
But if you meet with the darkness and strife,
The sunny side we also may view.
Keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side,
Keep on the sunny side of life.
It will help us every day, it will brighten all the way,
If we keep on the sunny side of life...
"Blair touched Jim briefly, gently on the face, and he looked so contented that it gave me a lump in my throat . Blair'd had a rough deal, no doubt about it, but he had something good, too, and I was glad for that."
******
Drink the Night Away Gaelic Storm
so we'll drink, and we'll dance,
and we'll drown our sorrow!
Weigh-hey! Hey Laddie Hey!
Weigh, hey, hey!
We'll drink the night away!...
"So I proposed a drinking game before we headed off, and I explained about how it worked. He looked thoughtfully at me, and he didn't look as blitzed as he had a few moments ago.
“Megan Connor. Did you get me here in order to get me drunk enough to agree to tell you the truth?"
******
You've Got a Friend James Taylor
Winter, Spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend?
People can be so cold.
They'll hurt you and desert you.
Well they'll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don't you let them.
You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again...
"Jim Ellison was trusting me to not hurt Blair. Well, I could do better than that. He was my friend now, and when we were back at the Academy, I'd look after him."
******
Sunshine of Your Life Cream
I'll be with you darling soon,
I'll be with you when the stars start falling.
I've been waiting so long
To be where I'm going
In the sunshine of your love.
I'm with you my love,
The light's shinin' through on you.
Yes, I'm with you my love...
"Blair was kind of melting into Jim's side, and though I would have liked to get to know Blair's sentinel, I thought it best to let Jim take Blair home while he could still walk."
******
Thorns and Briers Fan-Mix
Boadicea Enya
Instrumental
"I thought you'd left. Go home, Captain Banks. Get some sleep. I'm okay, and I'll tell Jim when he comes that you stopped by.” He made his voice sound as blank as his look had been earlier.
I laid my hand on his back and he flinched, every muscle tightening in the flight or fight reflex. I kept it where it was; I needed to break through this shell he'd built around himself.
“Sandburg, I need to ask you some questions. And I want the truth, so don't lie to me, boy."
******
No Heaven Christian Kjellvand
Can I trust you
Do you mean it?
Can I take it?
Got something to give...
"I'd kept my hand on his head, firm but gentle, and it was a tell-tale for his true emotions. I didn't have a soul bond that would inform me of what was really going on in that curly head, but If he truly loathed me, then he'd have told me to move my hand, or shook it off."
He didn't do either.
******
Handle With Care Jenny Lewis
Handle me with care
I'm so tired of being lonely
I still have some love to give
Won't you show me that you really care
Everybody's got somebody to lean on
Put your body next to mine, and dream on...
"“Simon, he's not okay. If he tells you he's all right, it's a front. He's feeling very vulnerable right now, and depressed and sick. He's also feeling lonely, and missing me, and I don't think he should be alone."
******
Some Humans Ain't Human John Prine
Some humans ain't human, though they walk like we do
They live and they breath, just to turn the old screw
They screw you when your sleepin', they try to screw you blind
Some humans ain't human, some people ain't kind...
"Ms. Giles apparently had enjoyed keeping her probationers under her thumb for as long as possible, which is why she had insisted they stay twelve hours in restraints."
******
I'm Only Sleeping The BeatlesPlease don't wake me, no
don't shake me
Leave me where I am
I'm only sleeping...
"Then he gave in and stretched out on my couch.
It's comfortable, and I've catnapped on it enough to know. I dropped an afghan I keep for times like this on top of him and when he made no move himself to unfold it, I did it for him.
He was asleep before I'd gotten to my desk."
******
Winds of Change Jefferson Starship
You got your life planned carefully
But you left out one detail
The hidden hand deals just one round
And the winds of change prevail
Walk softly through the desert sand
Old dreams lead the way
Nothing new in the sands of time
Just changes every day
Hang on - It's starting again
Hang on - There's no shelter from
the wind
Hang on - Like a fire from the sky
Winds of change are blowing by.
"Maybe I still didn't trust him, but to my chagrin, I realized that sometime tonight I'd crossed a line that I'd been sure I wouldn't.
Apparently, I did like the kid. But he didn't need to know that, exactly. I would keep an eye out for him, though. Make sure my promise to have him treated fairly was kept."
******
Thank you for downloading, if you enjoy fan-mixes.
Laurie, who has started drinking in a probably futile attempt to soothe away my cranky, cranky mood from hours and hours of twiddling my thumbs while the computer laughs at me. I mean, my husband fetched me a beer without me even asking.