By Any Other Name - 7
After getting "The Island" out of my system, back to my vignette series. :)
Rated M (or Y) because Kon has a dirty mind.
Quotes in bold come from Viz Shonen Jump translation.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, it owns me.
Kon is tired of waiting for Ichigo to make a move on Rukia: His popcorn's going stale.
19. Delusions of a Stuffed Toy
They won't admit it, but I'm the third party in this ménage à trois.
I would like to point out that ménage à trois refers not just to kinky sex but to “a household of three.” Sometimes it's a matter of mutual emotional dependence than actual physical relations.
How else can you describe Ichigo's bedroom life, if not that? Rukia confides in me when Ichigo's being a jerk; Ichigo needs me to keep his human body alive when he's out playing rabid Shinigami, while I…. I don't really have a choice in the matter, do I?
If I run away again, Chad might find me. Then what? I fear for my safety. It's not my fault I'm so damned cute.
We don't have to have sex with each other for this relationship to be a threesome - the idea of sex with Ichigo is just too gross for a healthy straight mod-soul like me - but Rukia…. I think about that all the time. Hot damn. She's only female who can make kiddie-sized pajamas look like lingerie.
Rukia's the very definition of virginal sex kitten. I'm king of the jungle, man. Hear me roar.
Now don't give me that stumped look because I can spell ménage à trois. Am I supposed to be dumb, because I'm stuck in this stupid stuffed body? I can still read. There's nothing interesting on Ichigo's bookshelves except dictionaries and reference books. I'm lucky to find some shonen manga. Now, my darling Rukia… she has more juicy material: titles like “Motorcycle Lolita,” “Adventures with Redhead and Midget,” and “School Girl SmackDown.” She has good taste in literature, my Rukia.
I just wish they would have been kinder and bought a male sex doll for me to inhabit, one of those life-like specialties with hydraulics that you can order online and cost a bundle. But no, they're so cheap they had to pick a stray toy off the street. Then they complain I smell. It's not my fault. It's the death of their nasal cavities, not mine.
I also wished they weren't so damn repressed. I know they like to kick me around, it's their way of expressing their feelings of gratitude towards me, and I let them do it because they saved me from utter destruction at the hands of that insane shopkeeper. But I do wish they weren't so repressed around each other. I mean, what's the point of being a privileged member of Ichigo's bedroom if I don't ever have the opportunity to watch them get hot and heavy? It's not as if I'm not fit to be anything other than a voyeur in this body.
A hand made of cotton wad and polyester fiber is not one to induce the most erotic of caresses. I'd love to do all those naughty things I know Ichigo thinks about whenever he looks at Rukia. But since I can't, I wouldn't mind watching him get some action.
The problem is, he doesn't! He doesn't make a move! What a stupid prick. He doesn't have a clue. Why have a great big blooming zapakatou if you aren't going to use it?
Idiot. That's why I like to rile them up so much, by trying to cop a feel whenever I have the chance. Ichigo always looks like he's going to burst a major artery when I do that. I keep hoping that one day it motivates him to do the same, to snatch my tiny paws off darling Rukia's chest to replace it with his own, but no. He's too honorable for that.
It's not as if Rukia is going to reject him. She's the one who moved in, right? That's not exactly subtle. She's been sending out all the signals that even idiots like Keigo can pick up. Her taste in literature makes things crystal clear: the woman has needs. One day she's going to have those needs satisfied. I don't know when.
So I'm simply waiting for that fateful day they both utterly crack from the sexual tension. I just know it's going to set off fireworks in the sky. Don't worry. I'm patient and I got my stock of popcorn ready.
In the meantime, however, I think I will go back to devouring Rukia's newest acquisition: “Transsexual Werewolves of the Night.” It's riveting.
Speculations regarding his sexual preference just irk Ichigo.
(No pithy summary can justify such a literal punch line that simply begged to be written. I apologize in advance!!!)
20. In or Out
Ichigo knew that some people in school speculated that he was gay. It was an insane rumor started by Mizuiro, whose only evidence was squat.
It wasn't his fault that he wasn't into dating any girls in their class and that his curfew was so strict as to render him without a social life on weeknights. He had other things to fill his time, like chasing Hollows who always tailed his ass.
Ichigo wasn't homophobic. He was convinced that Ikkaku and Yumichika were secretly married and that was fine with him. They were cute together and their relationship worked; they seemed to have been together for centuries. He gave Ishida the benefit of the doubt because he freaked out when Inoue was going to undress in front of him. Only a man with scruples would freak out: a cad like Kon would welcome the chance, and a real gay man wouldn't care at all.
Ichigo thought all this speculation was a waste of his time. Let them drop dead wondering what was the truth about his preference.
So Ichigo let them keep on guessing if he was gay, a virgin, a secret sex maniac, or a misogynist pig that scowled at women and preferred the brawny company of the 11th division. Ichigo knew better.
He wasn't hiding any skeletons in his closet. As far as he was concerned, there was no secret in there, except for Rukia.
Ichigo had a small problem: Tatsuki didn't want him to break Orihime's heart.
After meeting Rukia, though, now he's got a bigger problem: Ichigo doesn't see how he can't do that.
21. A Bloody Mess
Ichigo knew that Inoue didn't love him. Not really.
Tatsuki had told him off, very early, the summer before freshman year. “Don't play with Orihime's heart,” she warned him. “If you like her then go for it. But if you're just going to go for her because she's easy prey, I swear I'll scatter your brains on all the sidewalks of Karakura.”
It took Ichigo several minutes to realize that Tatsuki was serious. Tatsuki had to hit him on the head repeatedly before he got it. Even if Ichigo wanted to hit back for the unprovoked attack, even if he could beat Tatsuki by then, he really wasn't going to put up a fight for this cause. There was no argument, really.
It was difficult for him to tell Tatsuki, “Hey, I'm really not interested in Inoue.” To say such a thing would have appeared conceited. He could hardly remember who Inoue was, half the time, much less be interested in her.
Besides, Tatsuki should know better. He wasn't the type of guy to be an asshole and to take advantage of someone else's feelings. To try to clarify his lack of interest, however, would to be open the floodgates of girlish speculation. Was he gay? Was he already interested in someone else?
So he had shrugged off Tatsuki and changed the topic. What did Tatsuki want him to do, tell Inoue he was rejecting her, when she hadn't even said a word yet? He was kind of glad that Inoue was too bashful to even ask him out. He didn't want the situation to reach that difficult point. He hoped he would never have to break any girl's heart.
Ichigo knew he could be a jerk but he didn't want to be a prick.
Inoue didn't love him. Not really. She didn't even know the first thing about him. She just liked the idea of him.
Unfortunately, the idea of her wasn't as appealing as it should have been. As an object of lust, Ichigo knew that Inoue was probably the best that could be had in school. Yet there were so many odd things about her he couldn't quite fathom, like how she liked to spin leeks or how she greeted him with unnatural cheerfulness. The wistful expression in her eyes made Ichigo feel awkward. It was as if he was a promising template for some weird fantasy. Maybe Inoue was really looking for a replacement for her dead brother. Whatever it was, she made him uncomfortable.
He wanted Inoue to stop with her looking, so he kept his distance. He had always cultivated a too-cool-to-care-about-girls aura. He scowled at all of them so he wouldn't have to deal their wiles - which included copying his homework, making him pay for food, or all of those hundred little favors that Mizuiro had to do for his girlfriends, and Keigo was desperate to do if someone of the opposite gender would just accept him.
Ichigo didn't need that sort of hassle. He already had two tiny females at home to take care of. Even at aged eleven, they were a handful. He didn't need another chick to manage.
And then he had the strange fortune to meet Rukia, who was demanding, domineering, a workaholic, and just a bit crazy. He found himself losing his dignity and his sanity just to keep up with her.
Then the day came when he had yelled at Rukia with acerbic passion. He was so pissed off that she had taken so many hits, just to drive a Hollow away from Chad and his possessed parakeet. The words flung out his mouth were not romantic. “Look at you! You're a bloody mess! You said you wouldn't take unnecessary risks!”
“Oh shut up,” she snapped, thinking about how he had to take Karin home before he dealt with this monster. “I had to say that! Anyway, they weren't unnecessary.”
It was then he had an epiphany - the first of many. Standing on top of that boorish Hollow's head, Ichigo knew why no other woman would hold his interest like the one standing before him now. Grinning and bleeding, this pint-sized Shinigami understood the complexity of his mind well enough to anticipate his instincts, disarm his fears, and help him decide which responsibility to tackle before taking on another. This was a member of the opposite gender whom he could actually talk to about serious things. She put him at ease, and she was more interested in his soul than any trivial aspect of his humdrum life.
Ichigo realized that he cared deeply about the welfare of this woman who changed his life. He wouldn't be so angry with her for risking hers if he wasn't.
And that's why he flung opened up his arms wide to receive her incoming blow to the chest - to let Rukia do her thing so well. She pushed his soul out of his body, and made him come into his own. It was a gesture of his whole-hearted trust in her and their partnership. No one else could touch him with such brutal intimacy.
Rated M (or Y) because Kon has a dirty mind.
Quotes in bold come from Viz Shonen Jump translation.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, it owns me.
Kon is tired of waiting for Ichigo to make a move on Rukia: His popcorn's going stale.
19. Delusions of a Stuffed Toy
They won't admit it, but I'm the third party in this ménage à trois.
I would like to point out that ménage à trois refers not just to kinky sex but to “a household of three.” Sometimes it's a matter of mutual emotional dependence than actual physical relations.
How else can you describe Ichigo's bedroom life, if not that? Rukia confides in me when Ichigo's being a jerk; Ichigo needs me to keep his human body alive when he's out playing rabid Shinigami, while I…. I don't really have a choice in the matter, do I?
If I run away again, Chad might find me. Then what? I fear for my safety. It's not my fault I'm so damned cute.
We don't have to have sex with each other for this relationship to be a threesome - the idea of sex with Ichigo is just too gross for a healthy straight mod-soul like me - but Rukia…. I think about that all the time. Hot damn. She's only female who can make kiddie-sized pajamas look like lingerie.
Rukia's the very definition of virginal sex kitten. I'm king of the jungle, man. Hear me roar.
Now don't give me that stumped look because I can spell ménage à trois. Am I supposed to be dumb, because I'm stuck in this stupid stuffed body? I can still read. There's nothing interesting on Ichigo's bookshelves except dictionaries and reference books. I'm lucky to find some shonen manga. Now, my darling Rukia… she has more juicy material: titles like “Motorcycle Lolita,” “Adventures with Redhead and Midget,” and “School Girl SmackDown.” She has good taste in literature, my Rukia.
I just wish they would have been kinder and bought a male sex doll for me to inhabit, one of those life-like specialties with hydraulics that you can order online and cost a bundle. But no, they're so cheap they had to pick a stray toy off the street. Then they complain I smell. It's not my fault. It's the death of their nasal cavities, not mine.
I also wished they weren't so damn repressed. I know they like to kick me around, it's their way of expressing their feelings of gratitude towards me, and I let them do it because they saved me from utter destruction at the hands of that insane shopkeeper. But I do wish they weren't so repressed around each other. I mean, what's the point of being a privileged member of Ichigo's bedroom if I don't ever have the opportunity to watch them get hot and heavy? It's not as if I'm not fit to be anything other than a voyeur in this body.
A hand made of cotton wad and polyester fiber is not one to induce the most erotic of caresses. I'd love to do all those naughty things I know Ichigo thinks about whenever he looks at Rukia. But since I can't, I wouldn't mind watching him get some action.
The problem is, he doesn't! He doesn't make a move! What a stupid prick. He doesn't have a clue. Why have a great big blooming zapakatou if you aren't going to use it?
Idiot. That's why I like to rile them up so much, by trying to cop a feel whenever I have the chance. Ichigo always looks like he's going to burst a major artery when I do that. I keep hoping that one day it motivates him to do the same, to snatch my tiny paws off darling Rukia's chest to replace it with his own, but no. He's too honorable for that.
It's not as if Rukia is going to reject him. She's the one who moved in, right? That's not exactly subtle. She's been sending out all the signals that even idiots like Keigo can pick up. Her taste in literature makes things crystal clear: the woman has needs. One day she's going to have those needs satisfied. I don't know when.
So I'm simply waiting for that fateful day they both utterly crack from the sexual tension. I just know it's going to set off fireworks in the sky. Don't worry. I'm patient and I got my stock of popcorn ready.
In the meantime, however, I think I will go back to devouring Rukia's newest acquisition: “Transsexual Werewolves of the Night.” It's riveting.
Speculations regarding his sexual preference just irk Ichigo.
(No pithy summary can justify such a literal punch line that simply begged to be written. I apologize in advance!!!)
20. In or Out
Ichigo knew that some people in school speculated that he was gay. It was an insane rumor started by Mizuiro, whose only evidence was squat.
It wasn't his fault that he wasn't into dating any girls in their class and that his curfew was so strict as to render him without a social life on weeknights. He had other things to fill his time, like chasing Hollows who always tailed his ass.
Ichigo wasn't homophobic. He was convinced that Ikkaku and Yumichika were secretly married and that was fine with him. They were cute together and their relationship worked; they seemed to have been together for centuries. He gave Ishida the benefit of the doubt because he freaked out when Inoue was going to undress in front of him. Only a man with scruples would freak out: a cad like Kon would welcome the chance, and a real gay man wouldn't care at all.
Ichigo thought all this speculation was a waste of his time. Let them drop dead wondering what was the truth about his preference.
So Ichigo let them keep on guessing if he was gay, a virgin, a secret sex maniac, or a misogynist pig that scowled at women and preferred the brawny company of the 11th division. Ichigo knew better.
He wasn't hiding any skeletons in his closet. As far as he was concerned, there was no secret in there, except for Rukia.
Ichigo had a small problem: Tatsuki didn't want him to break Orihime's heart.
After meeting Rukia, though, now he's got a bigger problem: Ichigo doesn't see how he can't do that.
21. A Bloody Mess
Ichigo knew that Inoue didn't love him. Not really.
Tatsuki had told him off, very early, the summer before freshman year. “Don't play with Orihime's heart,” she warned him. “If you like her then go for it. But if you're just going to go for her because she's easy prey, I swear I'll scatter your brains on all the sidewalks of Karakura.”
It took Ichigo several minutes to realize that Tatsuki was serious. Tatsuki had to hit him on the head repeatedly before he got it. Even if Ichigo wanted to hit back for the unprovoked attack, even if he could beat Tatsuki by then, he really wasn't going to put up a fight for this cause. There was no argument, really.
It was difficult for him to tell Tatsuki, “Hey, I'm really not interested in Inoue.” To say such a thing would have appeared conceited. He could hardly remember who Inoue was, half the time, much less be interested in her.
Besides, Tatsuki should know better. He wasn't the type of guy to be an asshole and to take advantage of someone else's feelings. To try to clarify his lack of interest, however, would to be open the floodgates of girlish speculation. Was he gay? Was he already interested in someone else?
So he had shrugged off Tatsuki and changed the topic. What did Tatsuki want him to do, tell Inoue he was rejecting her, when she hadn't even said a word yet? He was kind of glad that Inoue was too bashful to even ask him out. He didn't want the situation to reach that difficult point. He hoped he would never have to break any girl's heart.
Ichigo knew he could be a jerk but he didn't want to be a prick.
Inoue didn't love him. Not really. She didn't even know the first thing about him. She just liked the idea of him.
Unfortunately, the idea of her wasn't as appealing as it should have been. As an object of lust, Ichigo knew that Inoue was probably the best that could be had in school. Yet there were so many odd things about her he couldn't quite fathom, like how she liked to spin leeks or how she greeted him with unnatural cheerfulness. The wistful expression in her eyes made Ichigo feel awkward. It was as if he was a promising template for some weird fantasy. Maybe Inoue was really looking for a replacement for her dead brother. Whatever it was, she made him uncomfortable.
He wanted Inoue to stop with her looking, so he kept his distance. He had always cultivated a too-cool-to-care-about-girls aura. He scowled at all of them so he wouldn't have to deal their wiles - which included copying his homework, making him pay for food, or all of those hundred little favors that Mizuiro had to do for his girlfriends, and Keigo was desperate to do if someone of the opposite gender would just accept him.
Ichigo didn't need that sort of hassle. He already had two tiny females at home to take care of. Even at aged eleven, they were a handful. He didn't need another chick to manage.
And then he had the strange fortune to meet Rukia, who was demanding, domineering, a workaholic, and just a bit crazy. He found himself losing his dignity and his sanity just to keep up with her.
Then the day came when he had yelled at Rukia with acerbic passion. He was so pissed off that she had taken so many hits, just to drive a Hollow away from Chad and his possessed parakeet. The words flung out his mouth were not romantic. “Look at you! You're a bloody mess! You said you wouldn't take unnecessary risks!”
“Oh shut up,” she snapped, thinking about how he had to take Karin home before he dealt with this monster. “I had to say that! Anyway, they weren't unnecessary.”
It was then he had an epiphany - the first of many. Standing on top of that boorish Hollow's head, Ichigo knew why no other woman would hold his interest like the one standing before him now. Grinning and bleeding, this pint-sized Shinigami understood the complexity of his mind well enough to anticipate his instincts, disarm his fears, and help him decide which responsibility to tackle before taking on another. This was a member of the opposite gender whom he could actually talk to about serious things. She put him at ease, and she was more interested in his soul than any trivial aspect of his humdrum life.
Ichigo realized that he cared deeply about the welfare of this woman who changed his life. He wouldn't be so angry with her for risking hers if he wasn't.
And that's why he flung opened up his arms wide to receive her incoming blow to the chest - to let Rukia do her thing so well. She pushed his soul out of his body, and made him come into his own. It was a gesture of his whole-hearted trust in her and their partnership. No one else could touch him with such brutal intimacy.