A few hours after this...It's the middle of the night, not that Ramon's aware of it. He still sits in the chair, his neck at an awkward angle but totally oblivious
( Read more... )
His eyes flicker open at the kiss, though he'd been aware of movement too. Somehow, it had felt too comforting to pull away from.
He stares into the darkness for a long time. He doesn't have a headache from the alcohol and wonders whether that's more to do with still being drunk, or just that he's not in the right frame of mind for alcohol to take a proper hold.
He feels better really. Just to have had some time to process, it's helped. A little distance from everything - he's just sorry that Random had to see it. And sorry that he still can't let himself think about the two of them being the way they were. Because if he does, he wont be able to hold anything back.
It doesn't mean he won't tell him what happened. Just that he doesn't want to fall apart. He also doesn't want Random to hurt...he reaches for his hand in the darkness, fumbling to find it and thinking that hopefully it'll help. Both of them.
Because Random was searching too. Always searching for him. His voice is a muted whisper in the darkness.
"Please don't forget me. I'm here for you, I waited for you, I have you here and safe and I couldn't bear it if you didn't want me any more. I beg it of you, beg you, please know me. Remember me."
Know me, remember me is repeated, once, twice, again, a muffled mantra as Random's hand tightens.
He grips the hand and stares at nothing. He wants to say everything, just spill out that of course he'll never forget him and how could he? And that he loves him and he's sorry for this but he doesn't know what to do or where to begin.
'I do want you.'
Pause.
Long pause. The silence reminds him of how quiet it was after he put a bullet through his brothers heart.
It had taken a while to drop off and when he does, it's a fitful doze, nothing more. The night seems to be dragging on forever and whenever he closes his eyes, he's back in Mexico where it's hot and dusty and Hector is walking away and he's shooting him again and again, the sound of the final gunshot echoes endlessly in his mind.
His eyes snap open but he makes no other movement. He's not sure if he was even asleep at all.
He hears Random breathing behind him and closes his eyes again, trying to forget about it all. But there's no more sleep coming, he can tell by the way his eyelids refuse to stay closed. And in the end he turns over quietly, eyeing Random in the dark but making no noise.
His face is visible. The moon on haven is bright, there's no light nor cloud to block the atmosphere. It shines silver across his features that look so much older. It's only been days, but he's wearing years.
He looks at him for a long time, lying there like that. He can see the sadness on his face...and still can't trust himself to let go the self-imposed barriers.
But he does want to touch him. It hadn't occured to him earlier but now, here in bed - it's been a month and a half. And there's a faint voice, telling him that it'll be a good distraction, with the added bonus of hopefully making Random feel better.
He reaches out and carefully, without touching skin, unbuttons the rest of his shirt. It falls open and he just looks at the skin, trying to remember what it feels like under his lips. There's the fleeting thought that he should probably wake him up before touching him, given that things aren't exactly normal...but that might mean talking.
So he leans over and presses lightly against his jean clad thigh, lowers his mouth to his neck and just starts kissing it lightly. Lightly at first anyway. It gets a little more insistent after the first few, because he's remembering that Random tastes good.
Comments 41
Without preamble, he's lifted and carried to the bed, set on it with infinite care, and his temple is kissed softly.
Random's up with nightmares. He probably didn't realize Ramon was conscious too.
Reply
He stares into the darkness for a long time. He doesn't have a headache from the alcohol and wonders whether that's more to do with still being drunk, or just that he's not in the right frame of mind for alcohol to take a proper hold.
He feels better really. Just to have had some time to process, it's helped. A little distance from everything - he's just sorry that Random had to see it. And sorry that he still can't let himself think about the two of them being the way they were. Because if he does, he wont be able to hold anything back.
It doesn't mean he won't tell him what happened. Just that he doesn't want to fall apart. He also doesn't want Random to hurt...he reaches for his hand in the darkness, fumbling to find it and thinking that hopefully it'll help. Both of them.
Reply
Because Random was searching too. Always searching for him. His voice is a muted whisper in the darkness.
"Please don't forget me. I'm here for you, I waited for you, I have you here and safe and I couldn't bear it if you didn't want me any more. I beg it of you, beg you, please know me. Remember me."
Know me, remember me is repeated, once, twice, again, a muffled mantra as Random's hand tightens.
Reply
'I do want you.'
Pause.
Long pause. The silence reminds him of how quiet it was after he put a bullet through his brothers heart.
'I killed Hector.'
Reply
His eyes snap open but he makes no other movement. He's not sure if he was even asleep at all.
He hears Random breathing behind him and closes his eyes again, trying to forget about it all. But there's no more sleep coming, he can tell by the way his eyelids refuse to stay closed. And in the end he turns over quietly, eyeing Random in the dark but making no noise.
Reply
He's been crying, too.
Reply
But he does want to touch him. It hadn't occured to him earlier but now, here in bed - it's been a month and a half. And there's a faint voice, telling him that it'll be a good distraction, with the added bonus of hopefully making Random feel better.
He reaches out and carefully, without touching skin, unbuttons the rest of his shirt. It falls open and he just looks at the skin, trying to remember what it feels like under his lips. There's the fleeting thought that he should probably wake him up before touching him, given that things aren't exactly normal...but that might mean talking.
So he leans over and presses lightly against his jean clad thigh, lowers his mouth to his neck and just starts kissing it lightly. Lightly at first anyway. It gets a little more insistent after the first few, because he's remembering that Random tastes good.
Reply
Even if he's sure he's dreaming.
Reply
Leave a comment