She's Me
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Title: She's Me
Characters: Kimi Räikkönen, Sebastian Vettel
Rating: Red Blue Purple Flag?
Summary: Seb is pregnant with Kimi's child and keeps it a secret.
Beta: The very kind and talented whisper_roar.
Warning: mpreg
Disclaimer: This is fiction. If anyone thinks otherwise, I guess I wrote a pretty damn good story.
A/N: Inspired by this prompt, posted on motorskink.
He’s never thought about Kimi that way. Yes, they’ve grown close; closer than he is with anyone really, but he’s never thought about him that way. He’s never thought about any man that way. Actually, he's always deliberately avoided getting too close to men. It’s too harsh a reminder of the part of him he suppressed years ago.
However, Kimi isn’t someone you say no to, not that you can’t, you just don’t want to. So when Kimi leans over to give him a drunken kiss in the middle of the crowded pub, Seb lets himself be taken for a ride. Being with Kimi is the only time he truly feels like he can forget about all the expectations riding on his shoulders and he loves the feeling of freedom too much to refuse it.
Just as one pint had swiftly turned to five, one kiss turns to a full makeout session, moved to a hotel room for more privacy. Seb isn’t surprised to find out that Kimi is as self-assured and skilled off the race track as he is on it. The way Kimi kisses is, in itself, enough to make him whimper for more. Seb is used to girls, including Hanna, waiting for him to take the lead or tentatively going through the motions, worrying about displeasing. Kimi, though, doesn’t care. He’s selfish and Seb is merely his instrument for pleasure. He doesn’t say sorry when he yanks on Seb’s hair to deepen their kiss. He doesn’t ask for permission when he strips the German naked. He wraps his mouth around Seb’s cock and sucks it only because he enjoys the feel in his mouth. He licks and teases Seb’s dick and balls because he likes to watch Seb squirm out of control. He doesn’t even flinch when Seb squeals at the intrusive fingers or when he begs and pleads for Kimi’s cock inside him. He finishes Seb off after he’s done not out of love or duty, but because he likes the way Seb trembles like a leaf and lets go of all his number one bullshit. Kimi only takes, and if what Seb receives happens to be the best sex of his life, it’s only a side-effect; not even an after-thought for the Finn.
Seb is thankful the next time he runs into Kimi because nothing has changed between them. Their bedroom escapade is treated no differently than a game of badminton.
“I have to get you drunk more often,” Kimi jokes.
“Next time you qualify ahead of me,” Seb replies without missing a beat, both men knowing his reply equals a don’t count on it anytime soon.
It’s late May when his body starts acting weird. The first thing he notices is how sensitive his chest and nipples are. The fabric of his clothes makes his skin burn. He decides to switch laundry detergent, assuming he developed some kind of sensitivity to it. It takes a few weeks, probably the time needed to rotate through his wardrobe, but it eventually subsides.
Seb finds himself thinking about Kimi a bit more often than usual too. He knows that night was probably just a one-time fuck, but he can’t help wanting more. There’s just something about Kimi that makes him feel like he can be himself. Every time they share a whisper or a laugh, the only thing Seb can think of is how badly he wants to kiss Kimi. So he does it, when they’re alone in the jacuzzi on Kimi’s yacht in Monaco. He just goes for it and Kimi responds, pulling Seb close to him. They spend what feels like hours just kissing until Seb eventually has to go back to his hotel. They don’t need to talk about it or define it. It just becomes a natural and regular part of their friendship.
He gets stomach sick in June. The stomach flu has been going around the paddock and he joins the club, cursing his immune system but thankful that he seems to only have a mild, though persistent, form of it. By the time the nausea stops, the heartburns begin. It almost makes him wish he had the stomach flu again. It’s not until he’s at his mom’s house one evening that the thought crosses his mind. He’s complaining of his heartburn and his mom expresses her sympathies along with some tips she picked up while she was pregnant with him. As she goes on recommending he eats liquorice, turmeric or ginger, Seb’s chest tightens as his hand subconsciously goes to his stomach.
“The ginger helped with the nausea that came before the heartburns too,” his mom comments. Seb nods absently, his thoughts filled with dread. No no no. Please no. Please, please, no.
The tests confirm his suspicions. Both of them show it very clearly. There’s no doubt, no squinting, no maybes. He’s pregnant. Utterly, blatantly pregnant. This shouldn’t have happened. This couldn’t have happened. He knows he’s got ovaries and a uterus, but it’s not like he has a vagina. Externally, he’s as male as it gets. He wonders if maybe he’s just producing the hormones without being pregnant. A chemical imbalance is a much more logical answer. Seb takes a deep breath. Logical is good. Logical he can deal with. He calls up his family doctor and makes an appointment for the next day, convinced that the doctor will be able to confirm his theory.
It takes two nurses and the threat of a sedative for Seb to calm down. He finally sits down, holding up the printout of the scan in his hands. He hates logic. He hates that Doctor Hoffmann’s explanation makes perfect sense. He stares at the arrow added on the picture, pointing to the culprit: a normally non-permeable membrane separating his rectum and uterus. Only it’s permeable to sperm. He can’t deny what’s happened, not after having heard the drumming heartbeat.
“You have a few weeks to think about your options Sebastian. From what I can tell now, all options are available,” Dr. Hoffmann informs him. When Seb looks up questioningly, the doctor elaborates. “Your uterus looks like it can handle a pregnancy. You would need close monitoring, but I believe you can safely bring the baby to full term, if you chose to.”
The first thing he does after the news sinks in is leave Hanna. Regardless of what he chooses, he won’t drag her into it. They’ve been living more like roommates than lovers lately anyways. Seb spends the next few weeks thinking about his options, as Dr. Hoffmann put it. He’s never given serious thought to having a kid before. He always figured someday he’d have one, but he never thought someday would come this soon and that he would actually be the one having it. He toys around with the idea of telling Kimi but in the end decides to try and gauge his reaction first. He watches him during autograph sessions. He watches him smile as he high-fives a little boy or playfully drops a signed cap on a little girl’s head. Seb can see Kimi being a good dad and he seems to like kids most times. But then there are the more typical Kimi moments: the swearing, drinking, falling over fences and partying until he’s passed out. Seb can’t make up his mind, so he decides to ask him, sort of.
“Have you ever thought about having one?” Seb asks him after Romain has proudly showed them a new picture of little Sacha.
Kimi looks at Seb quizzically. “With whom?” then he shrugs. “I got a dog. It’s okay like that.”
Seb does his best to hide his disappointment. It’s not the response he was hoping for, though it’s not far from what he actually expected. He had hoped Kimi would show some enthusiasm, it would have made the decision easier. Not that this changes the outcome. The more he thinks about the little blob in his belly the more giddy he gets. He feels kind of magical. He is not only going to be the youngest quadruple World Champion, but he’ll also be the only pregnant one! Not that anyone will know but him, although if they did maybe they’d stop calling him a kid. Yes, he’s going to keep his baby, even if that means it only gets one parent. Kimi could be the cool uncle that his kid calls up when he gets into trouble, because let’s face it, that kid will have Kimi’s genes. But Seb’s okay with that. He knows he’s in for a rollercoaster ride but he’s never been one to settle for boring.
By September he starts showing a little. To anyone else it would look like he’s just bloated, but he knows it’s his baby in there. He saw it at the last ultrasound. He’s been to see Dr. Hoffmann at least every two weeks since he made up his mind to keep the baby. He feels like a lab rat sometimes, but then he remembers it’s only to make sure his child is healthy. He has to constantly remind himself to stop rubbing his tummy but he’s already talking to his child in his head. Kimi and him still hang out, and make out, as usual. Seb is always horny and Kimi is happy to oblige every time, even if it mostly ends up with Seb doing all the work: Kimi lying on his back and Seb either riding Kimi’s cock or thrusting into him. Kimi just can’t keep up with Seb. The sex is great but Seb finds it increasingly hard to keep his feelings in check. He knows it’s probably the hormones making him feel sappy but sex isn’t enough for him anymore. He wants more of Kimi. He wants to cuddle and hold hands. He wants to watch movies together with Kimi’s arms wrapped around him. He wants to just be held and comforted when he’s feeling sad.
When Monza arrives and Seb gets booed on the podium, he ends up curled up in a ball in his hotel bed, unable to suppress the breathless sobs. Seb doesn’t even hear Kimi walk in and only notices his presence when he feels the dip of the bed and a familiar arm wrap around him.
“You care too much,” Kimi mumbles as he kisses Seb’s neck. “You win for you, not for them. You’re the one that said the louder they boo the better you’ll have done.”
“I want them to like me,” Seb mutters and he knows he sounds like a kid.
“I like you,” Kimi replies as he hugs Seb tightly. Seb smiles, wiping his tears and licking the last salty drops on his lips. This is the first time Kimi has even remotely admitted to his feelings and it makes all the hurt go away. He doesn’t answer though. Launching into an emotional love confession would probably just scare Kimi away. He squeezes Kimi’s arm tighter against him instead. “Thanks.”
As the last few races of the season pass by, Seb has to work harder at hiding his bump. It’s still fairly small but he has to choose his clothes carefully to make sure it doesn’t show. Sex with Kimi becomes a little more complicated too. The long sessions in broad daylight are replaced with quickies in dark corners with most of their clothes still on. Kimi just goes with it though. He seems to rather enjoy taking Seb in random closets or getting a blow job between motorhomes.
When Seb wins his fourth title, he’s over the moon with happiness. Not just about the title, but about the fact that he has it all. He has his title, his baby, and Kimi. Kimi who now calls and texts and shows up at his house unexpected just to hang out. The nagging feeling that he should tell Kimi about the baby resurfaces every now and then, but Seb quickly pushes it aside. Kimi will accept that he decided to have a kid, but he wouldn’t accept that the kid is his.
Seb is at the Brazilian after-party when he starts getting cramps. Really, really bad cramps. So bad it makes him bend in half. He’s lucky the place is crowded and Felipe is getting all the attention for having won his home race. He manages to make it to the bathroom and locks himself in a stall. He bites down on his collar to muffle his screams. The baby. My baby. It’s too early. He keeps thinking. He starts crying from pain and from fear. He’s come this far. He doesn’t want to lose it now.
“Seb?” a voice calls from the other side of the stall door. “Hey, open up, what’s wrong?”
Seb doesn’t want to be seen like this. He can’t let someone find out. The season is over. He can tough it out until he’s home. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!!! The pain is unbearable.
“Seb, I swear if you don’t open the door I’m sliding under it.”
Seb doesn’t answer, too busy letting out another yell as the sharp pain shoots through him. He reaches in his pocket for his phone and scrolls to Dr. Hoffmann’s number and presses dial just before passing out from the pain.
Jenson has just about finished crawling under the stall door when he catches Seb before he hits his head.
“Hello? Hello? Sebastian?” Jenson picks up the phone when he hears the voice. Noticing the name at the top of the screen, he promptly answers.
“Hello Dr. Hoffmann. This is Jenson. Seb is… uhmm.. passed out. He was calling you. He sounded like he was in massive pain just now. Is he okay?”
“Where are you? He is lying down?”
Jenson looks around. Seb’s sitting on the toilet, slowly coming to again with his face contorted from the pain. He’s kneeling next to Seb on a floor that shouldn’t be knelt on. “No, he’s sitting. We’re in a bathroom stall.”
There’s a brief pause on the other end. “Are the contractions regular? Are they getting closer together?” Dr. Hoffmann asks calmly, choosing to ignore the information about their location.
“The what?” Jenson asks. Clearly he misunderstood.
“The pain. It comes in waves, yes? Is it getting faster? Longer?”
Jenson pays attention to Seb for a little while before reporting back to the doctor. “I don’t think so. It’s quite irregular. Sometimes one after the other, sometimes long, sometimes short. Doesn’t seem to be a pattern. What am I supposed to do? Should I call an ambulance?”
“Good. This is good. No, no. No ambulance. Just bring him somewhere he can lie down. It’ll pass. No need to worry. I know it may seem bad, but it’s quite normal. It’s just false labour. Tell Sebastian everything is alright. Is it clear?” the doctor asks him and all Jenson can do is give him a quick yes even though things are definitely not clear.
“Good night Jenson.” Jenson panics a little when he hears the line drop but the crush of his hand snaps him out of it. Seb grabbed a hold of his hand while he was on the phone and is looking at him with terrified eyes. Jenson takes a deep breath and tries to recall what the doctor told him.
“It’s going to be okay Seb,” he begins in his most reassuring voice. “Dr. Hoffmann said this is just false labour. It’s normal and it’ll pass. Can you get up? We’ll get you to my room; it’s closer.”
Seb blinks at him a few times. The pain is subsiding just a bit and he thinks he can get up and walk. It’s normal. I’m okay. We’re okay. Seb feels much better knowing his baby is fine and the pain doesn’t bother him nearly as much without the fear.
Jenson manages to make it to his hotel room with Seb in tow. The pain seems to have almost fully dissipated but he still makes Seb lie down on the bed before lying down next to him.
“What the hell is going on Seb?” Jenson asks softly as he rolls on his side to face Seb.
Seb gives Jenson a sheepish look, hugging a pillow in his arms, but doesn’t offer any words.
“The doctor said labour. Are you… Is that even possible?” Seb nods quietly. There’s not much point denying it.
“Christ Seb. And you’ve been going through this by yourself?” Jenson props himself up on an elbow, looking at Seb with a new found admiration. Seb nods yet again. He’s glad Jenson doesn’t seem disturbed by what he just learned. It’s nice having someone who knows.
“So when are you due? Boy or girl?” Jenson asks with a look of wonder still on his face.
“January. Not sure about the sex. Didn’t want to know,” Seb answers, sleepily rubbing his rounded belly. “Thanks Jenson.”
“You’re welcome. But if you make me crawl on a bathroom floor again I swear I’ll feed that kid mountains of sugar before bedtime.”
Seb lets out a quiet laugh before drifting into sleep. Fighting the pain has exhausted him. Jenson watches him sleep and falls asleep himself wondering who the other father is and why he’s not here instead of him.
Now the racing season is over, Seb can finally rest at home. He keeps his attendance to sponsored events to a minimum, often quoting feeling ill as an excuse. He also starts seeing Kimi less often. He can still somewhat hide his pregnant belly with the right clothes but there’s no way he can hide it when he’s naked. They still keep in touch though and Seb starts thinking about what to tell Kimi. He considers just telling him the baby is adopted but chances are his kid will look like him so he settles on a surrogate story. As far as he’s concerned, it’s his best option.
Jenson happens to be at his house, helping out with setting up the crib, when the pain starts. His C-section isn’t scheduled until next week but these definitely feel like contractions. Unlike the episode in the bathroom stall, these contractions are regular and getting closer together.
“Jenson! It’s time. I have to go to Dr. Hoffmann,” Seb informs between hissing breaths.
Jenson looks up from the crib as he tightens the last screw on the crib frame. “You sure it’s not a false alarm again?” When Seb glares at him, Jenson puts down the screwdriver. “Okay, okay, let’s go. You can call him from the car.”
By the time they arrive at Dr. Hoffmann’s office, everything is setup for Sebastian and they take him into surgery while Jenson waits outside. When Jenson is allowed to see Seb, the new dad has been moved to a private room and is holding the baby in his arms as he smiles lovingly, whispering what must be affectionate words in German. When Jenson sits next to Seb, he hands over the baby, proud to show off his beautiful daughter. Jenson carefully takes her. She’s a stunning little thing.
“What’d you name her?” Jenson asks, rocking her in his arms.
“Alex. Alexandra Kimberley Vettel,” Seb answers from his hospital bed. He’s happy that Jenson is so normal about this. It’s nice not to feel like a science experiment anymore.
“Welcome to the world, little Kimi Vettel,” Jenson whispers cheerfully at the baby. He looks up at Seb, “I assume the middle name isn’t a coincidence?” Jenson had eventually assumed Kimi was the other father, but seeing Alex there was no doubt left.
Seb shrugs. “That obvious, uh? Just call her Alex though.”
Jenson sits on the edge of Seb’s bed, handing him Alex over. “She looks exactly like him. You should tell him.”
Seb rests Alex on his chest as he rubs her back, her little hands clutching at his hospital gown. “It’d be too complicated. Kimi doesn’t want this. It’s easier if he doesn’t know she’s his. I don’t want to lose what we have.”
“That’s a bad idea Seb,” Jenson warns.
“I’ll tell him I got her with a surrogate. He won’t feel like he owes me, or her, anything.” It might not be the greatest idea, but it’s the best one he’s got.
“I’d want to know.” Jenson muses as he wiggles his finger within Alex’s grasp.
“That’s why you’re here and he’s not,” Seb tells him.
Seb brings Alex back to his home, successfully avoiding any kind of media. At Jenson’s recommendation, he informs Christian and Heikki of his situation and they work out a training and testing plan to accommodate him. Jenson drops by on a frequent basis, sometimes bringing gifts and often taking pictures but always spending hours playing with Alex. Seb starts calling him Uncle JB, because he’s almost become family.
Kimi calls and texts quite frequently, and Seb does his best to keep their relationship going, but the baby takes a toll on him and more often than not he’s not feeling up to chatting or meeting up. Mostly, he’s afraid he’ll let something slip when they talk. Kimi always has a way to make him open up and he’s not ready to tell him about Alex just yet. If he’s honest with himself, he’s not sure he’ll ever be ready. But ready or not, Seb has to confront Kimi when he drops by his house uninvited.
Although they’ve been chatting regularly, Seb always has a reason to cancel their plans, so Kimi decides an impromptu visit is needed and Seb has never objected to it in the past. Seb has a look of shock on his face when he opens the door. He looks tired and smells like he hasn’t showered in three days (which he hasn’t). Seb tries to tell Kimi it’s not a good time, but the Finn is already inside and on his way to the kitchen to grab a beer. He looks at Seb confused when the fridge is empty of beer and has instead been stocked with milk bottles. Baby milk bottles.
Seb is about to give an explanation but is cut off by a cry coming from the living room. He runs towards it with Kimi in tow. Seb picks up Alex, shushing her as he rocks her in his arms. Kimi knows this isn’t Hanna’s. She and Seb aren’t together anymore, but even then, he saw her a few months ago before the breakup and she was definitely not pregnant. Seb senses the scrutiny and gives the answer he had been preparing. “I..uhm… I decided to have a kid. Got a surrogate for it,” Seb lies, avoiding Kimi’s stare because he knows he’s a bad liar and the explanation sounds ridiculous even to him. Kimi doesn’t reply back, his face void of emotion, but he moves closer to the baby, pushing the blanket she’s wrapped in aside to look at her.
For Kimi, there’s no mistaking it. The tiny face staring back at him is a copy of his own. The icy blue eyes a perfect reflection: the same shape and the same colour as his. She has his lips too. She wraps a hand, a miniature version of his, around his finger with a surprisingly strong grip. He can see bits of Seb in her face too. Seeing her is like waking up with an awful hangover after an incredible night. It’s a small flicker of happiness buried in a heap of agony.
Seb watches silently, heart beating like hell but growing warm. He’s certain his little angel can tell the man she’s taken a hold of is her other daddy and she seems so happy, gurgling away.
“She’s me,” Kimi states, looking up at Seb as he gently breaks free from the baby’s grip. Seb smiles; maybe Kimi knowing is a good thing. “She’s us,” he confirms, lovingly stroking Alex’s cheek.
“Why do you have a kid that looks like me?” Kimi asks with a stern face that wipes the smile from Seb’s face.
Seb’s mind goes blank. He doesn’t know where to start. Should he just launch into the whole medical explanation? It’s not like there are many other ways to explain it. Logic Seb, he thinks.
“Seb, why the fuck do you have a kid with my face?!” Kimi snaps a little louder.
“I, uh. I have some female parts. Eggs, uterus…” Seb winces. This is so embarrassing and he must sound crazy. “I got pregnant when we had sex for the first time.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me I was fucking a man who could get pregnant?!” Kimi yells incredulously as he shakes his head.
“I didn’t know…” Seb offers, “I didn’t know it was possible.” The yelling is making Alex fussy and Seb is trying to calm her down, rocking her slowly.
“How can you not know?! Fuck Seb! You never think of consequences!!” Kimi’s red in the face, the most colour Seb has ever seen him with. Alex is crying hard now, her screams even louder than Kimi’s.
“Make it stop!” Kimi yells above Alex’s cries.
“It doesn’t work like that,” Seb answers calmly as he tries to sooth Alex with a teddy. “You’re scaring her.”
“I’m scaring her?! This is shit!” Kimi shouts as Alex’s screams send shivers through his whole body, making him want to pull his hair out. He’s never been so affected by a noise before. “Why didn’t you get rid of it when you found out?!”
Seb holds Alex tight against his chest, a look of horror on his face at the thought. “I wanted her. I wanted something more in my life. Racing’s not always going to be there, Kimi.” Seb flinches as a toy comes flying past his face, hitting a picture frame on the wall that falls and shatters on the floor. Alex shrieks even louder and fuels Kimi’s anger. Seb puts her down in the play pen for her safety.
“So you thought it was okay to ruin my life because you wanted something more?! Couldn’t even be man enough to tell me?! I’m not important enough for that?!” Kimi yells at Seb, nose to nose. He pushes Seb against a wall, Alex’s ear piercing and blood curling screams make him want to bash and break things. He draws a fist back while the other is holding Seb’s collar. Alex suddenly stops shrieking, the sounds from the play pen now low muffled sobs. Kimi pauses, vein in his forehead still pulsing, then punches hard. Seb closes his eyes expecting a blow, but Kimi’s fist lands in the wall next to Seb’s head.
Kimi turns away and heads for the door, smashing a vase against the floor and slamming the door on the way out. Seb sinks against the wall and sobs. He reaches for the phone and calls Jenson. “He knows,” Seb tells him between sobs.
“I’m on my way,” Jenson answers, hearing the distress in Seb’s voice and Alex’s cries in the background.
When he walks in the house, Jenson finds Seb asleep on the couch, Alex comfortably wrapped in his arms. Jenson nudges him awake, careful not to wake the baby. Seb yawns as he wakes up, his eyes still red and puffy from crying. He puts Alex down in her pen and guides Jenson to the kitchen so they can talk.
“What happened?” Jenson asks over a cup of freshly made coffee.
“He showed up uninvited. He knew right away. I mean you saw her, it’s not like I could deny it,” Seb sighs as he fidgets with his mug. “He got angry. That’s why I didn’t tell him. He doesn’t want her, doesn’t want any of this.”
Jenson reaches over to place a reassuring hand on Seb’s arm. “Maybe he just needs time. It’s quite the bombshell you dropped on him. I’m sure he’ll come around.”
“Maybe… but I’m not sure I want him to now.”
“Well I’ll be here whenever you need something, and Jessica’s already offered to look after Alex during race weekends if you ever need someone.”
“Thanks Jens,” Seb says as he relaxes a bit. At least he’s not alone. He doesn’t need Kimi for this.
“Now go take a fucking shower. You stink, man,” Jenson tells Seb as he finishes his coffee and goes back in the living room, calling over his shoulder. “I’ll watch over her.”
Seb doesn’t hear from or see Kimi until the season begins. He presents Alex to the press as his, born through a surrogate. A lot of people question his choice, but at least he doesn’t have to explain the pregnancy part of it. Overall though, everyone swoons over how adorable she is and no one mentions her resemblance to Kimi. Seb carries her proudly around the paddock, followed by herds of photographers and journalists and on more than one occasion, he sees Kimi just watching and glaring at him.
At least once every week Jenson encourages Seb to go talk to Kimi. Give him a chance. You might be surprised, he’d say. But Seb always refuses so Jenson eventually gives up. He continues to hang out with Kimi but stops bringing him up in conversations with Seb. It’s like the cold war between Seb and Kimi; always within a glance or word of having a go at it in front of the media, who are still clueless that Kimi is also Alex’s father. It stays like that until Kimi pushes his attack a little too far, unleashing a furious Sebastian.
“What the hell was that?!” Seb shouts at Kimi, fuming, when he finds him sitting at a table having a post-race drink while doing who knows what on his phone. Kimi looks up from his phone for a moment, decides the question isn’t worth answering and goes back to what he was doing.
“You nearly took me out of the race!!” Seb continues, slamming both hands on the table.
Kimi shrugs. “Racing incident. Stewards said so.”
Seb is seeing red. They’ve always respected each other, on and off the track, but ever since Kimi found out about Alex, it had all disappeared. Every race he seems intent on making him crash. “Look, you and I both know this isn’t about racing. This is about Alex. I get that you’re still angry and that you think I ruined your life, but I’m not asking anything from you. We’re fine on our own. You can live your life and we’ll live ours.” Kimi scoffs at the words, pulling earplugs out of his pocket and connecting them to his phone.
“Kimi, just fucking listen to me for once!” Seb yells as he grabs the phone from Kimi’s hands before he can put the earbuds in his ears. Kimi lunges across the table to reach for his phone but Seb jumps back faster. Both men freeze in place, the only movement being that of Sebastian’s thumb swiping across the phone’s screen, flipping through pictures.
“Kimi…” Seb can’t believe what he’s seeing.
“Give it back,” Kimi demands, barely audible, “it’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing,” Seb retorts. It’s his daughter. Their daughter. Dozens of pictures of her: some from the media but some candid shots too, which Seb thinks must have come from Jenson based on when they were taken. There are pictures of Seb with her: he’s holding her in his arms, feeding her, smiling at her. Then there are pictures of him and Kimi: together laughing, even a selfie from their infamous drunken night. Jenson’s words echo back in his head. Give him a chance. You might be surprised.
The truth hits Sebastian like a brick. Kimi cares. About Alex. About him. He isn’t angry about Alex’s existence, he’s angry about not being part of their life, about never being given the chance to be part of their life. Seb is still flipping through pictures, of teddy bears right now, one of which he recognises as being Alex’s favourite thing in the world. Jenson had given it to her, but Seb has a suspicion it had actually come from Kimi. Seb startles when Kimi snatches the phone back before he darts away from Seb. He messed it up. He messed everything up. He never gave Kimi the option to be part of their life. He was so sure it wasn’t what Kimi wanted that he had been blind to the truth. It’s the only thing Kimi wants.
“Do you want to have dinner with me and Alex?” Seb blurts out quickly before Kimi goes too far. Kimi stops in his tracks at the question, his back still to Seb. “I think she’d like that,” Seb adds. Kimi turns around, still clutching to his phone as if his life depended on it. His face lets go of the anger and Seb can see a glimpse of hope in there. “I’d like that too,” Seb admits, blushing a bit. “I miss you.”
Kimi puts his sunglasses on, but not before Seb notices his eyes are watering a bit. There’s a hint of a smile when he answers. “I’ll pick you both up at 6pm.”
.