FIC: The Violence of Suppressed Memory (SP)
Title: The Violence of Suppressed Memory
Word Count: 1364
Rating: PG
Original/Fandom: Original - Streetlight People 'verse
Pairings (if any): None
Warnings (Non-Con/Dub-Con/etc): None
Summary: A look back at what got Tevan and Rika to where they are in the current time of the story.
Sentence: This, I understand.
Sentence included? Y/N: Y
After they got to school, Tevan realized that life as he'd known it was no longer an option. He wasn't even able to go home every third weekend as some of the lads did. Those lonely weekends were often just the two of them, wandering the paths of the school grounds as friends. They were friends, he and Rika. He saw her as a friend then, another lonely soul keeping time with his own.
One day, they were friends. They next they weren't. Rika didn't see it happen even though she'd been standing beside him. Stere and Ors had been there, as they often were even in those early days when they weren't privy to all the secrets that bound Tevan and Rika together. They were easy company, always laughing when Tevan laughed as if he was the only one who might know when something was funny. Ors was still like that, seeing Tevan as the one who was really in charge of the rising and setting of the sun.
As she recalled the day leading up the disaster, she remembered laughing a lot. It was odd for her to participate in anything the boys did, as she preferred to be a spectator and not a participant. It was easier, she realized those first days, to keep tabs on Tevan if her own emotions were neutral. It wasn't until later that she realized that she'd put her own life on hold for him. It had just been something she'd done without giving it much thought. On that fateful day, Stere had shown them all his true talent - the boy could mimic nearly anyone's voice and do it so well that a blindfolded person might not realize that the person they heard talking wasn't actually in the room.
As he'd done each and every person whose name was suggested, Rika found herself bent in double as she tried to keep the laughter from ripping her in half. Never had she laughed so hard for so long. As they'd walked back to their room, Tevan had been silent but that wasn't unusual.
"I don't understand you sometimes," he said with a pleasant smile as they'd parted to their separate suites for the night. Then he'd turned around and walked through his door. If she'd known then that her friend would never emerge, she might have called him back to explain what he meant.
The next day, he picked his first fight. There were plenty of bullies at Grantson Academy but Tevan picked a fight with one of the quieter boys. He brought Rika books from the library when he discovered one on a topic they both enjoyed. She'd thought nothing of the budding friendship until Tevan had split the boy's lip and blackened his eye. It was over quickly, everyone staring at the two boys in horror as they tried to rationalize what they'd just seen.
"How could you?" she hissed as they sat outside the Monitor office. While she had been asked to stay behind with the other students, she'd refused and followed along until she'd been begrudgingly allowed to stay with the offender. "I thought you'd grown past this sort of behavior. What were you thinking?"
"What was I thinking? Oh, that's an easy one to answer. I wasn't thinking at all. In fact, I didn't start thinking again until it was all over and I felt you trying to pull me away from him. I looked down at my fist, his blood and mine mingling together. Do you know what I thought?"
"I can't even begin to understand what it is that you might thinking. I never thought I would ever be here, waiting for the Monitors with you, Tevan."
He began to laugh, as if she was doing the impersonations now. As he gasped for breath, he smiled. It wasn't a pleasant smile but, she would find out soon enough, it was the only smile he had left in him. "I thought," he continued as if she'd merely shrugged her shoulders, "that this is something I understand. For the first time, it was so clear. I don't need to be confused. Yes, indeed. This, I understand."
"Confused? What was there to be confused about?"
"Everything." He put his head in his hands, abruptly putting an end to the conversation even though she tried poking at him for an answer to her earlier questions.
The boy she had known, the one who treated her like a friend and confidant, had disappeared somewhere into the shadows of the night. He grew so morose after the first fight that Rika often wondered if she'd only imagined their easy friendship. For a time, their inner connection strained to the point where she didn't know if he could hear her inside his head at all. Just when she wondered if she was getting through, his eyes would narrow and he'd throw a glare at her that told her just what he thought of her new tactics.
If you won't listen to me out loud, you'll have to put up with me in here where you'll have more trouble distracting yourself away from my words.
But it wasn't what she considered a win. Sometimes, it felt as if she'd suddenly attached herself to her worst enemy. Someone who only wanted to injure her in the worst sorts of ways. And not just her but himself, as well. He fought anyone who was in front of him when the urge struck. It grew so bad that the Monitors often followed him around campus, just waiting for him to slip up enough that they could toss him out of school.
You can't go back. Please, just think this destructive impulse through to where it's going to end up.
"What do you care?"
She'd been taken back by the question and not just because it was the first words he'd said to her in quite awhile. "I care a great deal. Here at the Academy, we have a roof over our head. If you get us thrown out-"
"Us? When has this ever been about us?"
Tears had welled in her eyes at this insult to both her honor and her loyalty. "This has been about you and me since the day I discovered you at the statue. Do you remember that day, Tevan?"
"No." But his eyes had glazed over in memory, betraying his harsh tone. "No," he said again but his tone was softer, almost repentant if Rika had been willing to let him get by without some form of penance for his horrible behavior.
"Well, I do. I remember everything about it. You don't know how my life had before that. How I-"
"You're right. I don't know. And why is that, Rika? Who has never once opened up to tell me about her life before she waltzed into mine, stealing everything that was dear to me?"
She slapped him. There was nothing else she could do. If she started talking, the tears clogging her throat would most likely choke off anything she tried to say. To walk away now was to let him win but she didn't have much choice. This was the one point where she had to let silence answer for her, both because she was unable and because she was very much unwilling to share with him. Not like this. Not when he was in a mood to wound.
"Just... just don't kill anyone... yourself included." She turned away slowly, her shoulders stooped from the heavy burden of both her past and his. She was the keeper of his secrets, a job she didn't know if she wanted any longer. Their bond was not one that could be easily severed, nor would she ever go back on the promise she had made to him that first day she heard the cry of his inner anguish. It was still there, that tiny burst of pure emotion that settled heavy in her heart. Tevan had been born broken and his curse was now her responsibility, thanks to the promise she'd made to his grandmother.
No matter if she liked him any longer or not, she was all that he had left between sanity and the void of that brokenness. No matter what he did or said, he was her responsibility. She could only hope that he didn't break her in half with this new bile and rage.
This entry was cross posted at dreamwidth - where the cool kids hang out.
Word Count: 1364
Rating: PG
Original/Fandom: Original - Streetlight People 'verse
Pairings (if any): None
Warnings (Non-Con/Dub-Con/etc): None
Summary: A look back at what got Tevan and Rika to where they are in the current time of the story.
Sentence: This, I understand.
Sentence included? Y/N: Y
After they got to school, Tevan realized that life as he'd known it was no longer an option. He wasn't even able to go home every third weekend as some of the lads did. Those lonely weekends were often just the two of them, wandering the paths of the school grounds as friends. They were friends, he and Rika. He saw her as a friend then, another lonely soul keeping time with his own.
One day, they were friends. They next they weren't. Rika didn't see it happen even though she'd been standing beside him. Stere and Ors had been there, as they often were even in those early days when they weren't privy to all the secrets that bound Tevan and Rika together. They were easy company, always laughing when Tevan laughed as if he was the only one who might know when something was funny. Ors was still like that, seeing Tevan as the one who was really in charge of the rising and setting of the sun.
As she recalled the day leading up the disaster, she remembered laughing a lot. It was odd for her to participate in anything the boys did, as she preferred to be a spectator and not a participant. It was easier, she realized those first days, to keep tabs on Tevan if her own emotions were neutral. It wasn't until later that she realized that she'd put her own life on hold for him. It had just been something she'd done without giving it much thought. On that fateful day, Stere had shown them all his true talent - the boy could mimic nearly anyone's voice and do it so well that a blindfolded person might not realize that the person they heard talking wasn't actually in the room.
As he'd done each and every person whose name was suggested, Rika found herself bent in double as she tried to keep the laughter from ripping her in half. Never had she laughed so hard for so long. As they'd walked back to their room, Tevan had been silent but that wasn't unusual.
"I don't understand you sometimes," he said with a pleasant smile as they'd parted to their separate suites for the night. Then he'd turned around and walked through his door. If she'd known then that her friend would never emerge, she might have called him back to explain what he meant.
The next day, he picked his first fight. There were plenty of bullies at Grantson Academy but Tevan picked a fight with one of the quieter boys. He brought Rika books from the library when he discovered one on a topic they both enjoyed. She'd thought nothing of the budding friendship until Tevan had split the boy's lip and blackened his eye. It was over quickly, everyone staring at the two boys in horror as they tried to rationalize what they'd just seen.
"How could you?" she hissed as they sat outside the Monitor office. While she had been asked to stay behind with the other students, she'd refused and followed along until she'd been begrudgingly allowed to stay with the offender. "I thought you'd grown past this sort of behavior. What were you thinking?"
"What was I thinking? Oh, that's an easy one to answer. I wasn't thinking at all. In fact, I didn't start thinking again until it was all over and I felt you trying to pull me away from him. I looked down at my fist, his blood and mine mingling together. Do you know what I thought?"
"I can't even begin to understand what it is that you might thinking. I never thought I would ever be here, waiting for the Monitors with you, Tevan."
He began to laugh, as if she was doing the impersonations now. As he gasped for breath, he smiled. It wasn't a pleasant smile but, she would find out soon enough, it was the only smile he had left in him. "I thought," he continued as if she'd merely shrugged her shoulders, "that this is something I understand. For the first time, it was so clear. I don't need to be confused. Yes, indeed. This, I understand."
"Confused? What was there to be confused about?"
"Everything." He put his head in his hands, abruptly putting an end to the conversation even though she tried poking at him for an answer to her earlier questions.
The boy she had known, the one who treated her like a friend and confidant, had disappeared somewhere into the shadows of the night. He grew so morose after the first fight that Rika often wondered if she'd only imagined their easy friendship. For a time, their inner connection strained to the point where she didn't know if he could hear her inside his head at all. Just when she wondered if she was getting through, his eyes would narrow and he'd throw a glare at her that told her just what he thought of her new tactics.
If you won't listen to me out loud, you'll have to put up with me in here where you'll have more trouble distracting yourself away from my words.
But it wasn't what she considered a win. Sometimes, it felt as if she'd suddenly attached herself to her worst enemy. Someone who only wanted to injure her in the worst sorts of ways. And not just her but himself, as well. He fought anyone who was in front of him when the urge struck. It grew so bad that the Monitors often followed him around campus, just waiting for him to slip up enough that they could toss him out of school.
You can't go back. Please, just think this destructive impulse through to where it's going to end up.
"What do you care?"
She'd been taken back by the question and not just because it was the first words he'd said to her in quite awhile. "I care a great deal. Here at the Academy, we have a roof over our head. If you get us thrown out-"
"Us? When has this ever been about us?"
Tears had welled in her eyes at this insult to both her honor and her loyalty. "This has been about you and me since the day I discovered you at the statue. Do you remember that day, Tevan?"
"No." But his eyes had glazed over in memory, betraying his harsh tone. "No," he said again but his tone was softer, almost repentant if Rika had been willing to let him get by without some form of penance for his horrible behavior.
"Well, I do. I remember everything about it. You don't know how my life had before that. How I-"
"You're right. I don't know. And why is that, Rika? Who has never once opened up to tell me about her life before she waltzed into mine, stealing everything that was dear to me?"
She slapped him. There was nothing else she could do. If she started talking, the tears clogging her throat would most likely choke off anything she tried to say. To walk away now was to let him win but she didn't have much choice. This was the one point where she had to let silence answer for her, both because she was unable and because she was very much unwilling to share with him. Not like this. Not when he was in a mood to wound.
"Just... just don't kill anyone... yourself included." She turned away slowly, her shoulders stooped from the heavy burden of both her past and his. She was the keeper of his secrets, a job she didn't know if she wanted any longer. Their bond was not one that could be easily severed, nor would she ever go back on the promise she had made to him that first day she heard the cry of his inner anguish. It was still there, that tiny burst of pure emotion that settled heavy in her heart. Tevan had been born broken and his curse was now her responsibility, thanks to the promise she'd made to his grandmother.
No matter if she liked him any longer or not, she was all that he had left between sanity and the void of that brokenness. No matter what he did or said, he was her responsibility. She could only hope that he didn't break her in half with this new bile and rage.
This entry was cross posted at dreamwidth - where the cool kids hang out.