Working Through Pt 4/90
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Chapter 4
Three hours had passed since Kris woke up, and in those three hours Adam had not left his side once. Not even when the doctors had insisted he had to. It wasn't enough for Adam that Kris was awake he needed to constantly look over at his husband and make sure the he was still there. Kris lay on his back with Sophia still resting safely on his chest as they both drifted in and out of a peaceful sleep, both content to be finally together.
The times Kris's eyes would close over even when he fought not to, Adam would allow himself to sit in the silence and wallow. He had not in the three days of Kris being gone allowed himself to really think about the what ifs. He had lashed out and broke down plenty of times, but to think in reality about a future without Kris was not something he could allow himself to do. It was only when he had memorized the brown of Kris's eyes again did he let his mind wallow. He would wallow in the what ifs until Kris opened his eyes again, then he would have to shake off the bad thoughts and be ready with a warm smile to greet his husband.
“Hey,” Kris said with his sleepy voice.
“Hey,” Adam whispered back leaning down to kiss his lips gently.
“You're brave to do that,” Kris laughed. “I haven't brushed my teeth in days.”
Adam smiled, leaning down again deepening the kiss this time. “Don't care.”
“Kris laughed causing Sophia to wiggle around his chest. “Did you know I love you. Both of you.” He added holding Sophia just a little bit tighter.
“You do?” Adam asked letting his head rest on Kris's shoulder.
“I kinda do,” Kris admitted.
“Guess it's a good thing I love you too. Both of you. “ Adam's hand came up to rest over the top of Kris's as it gently cupped Sophia's back. A wave of peacefulness washed over him as he let his eyes close.
Kris's other hand left Sophia's back coming up to rest on top of Adam's hair pressing their heads closer. “Remember Boston?” He asked into Adam's hair.
“Our first I love you?” Adam Smirked.
Flashback 2009
Adam made sure Matt and Danny were both snoring loudly in the bunks across from him before he climbed out his own and into Kris's. The same sight met him just like every other night he had done this. Kris laying on his side away from Adam his laptop beside him.
“You started without me,” Adam pouted as he wedged himself into the small space behind Kris. “And my ass is hanging out of the bunk again.”
“That's what you get for having a big ass then isn't it.” Kris dodged Adam's hand as it came swinging towards his head. “Joking,” Kris laughed causing Adam to cover his mouth with his hand.
“Shh. Do you want us to get caught?” Adam whispered into Kris's shoulder.
“Caught doing what?”
“I don't know,” Adam sighed his hand slipping from Kris's mouth down to rest on his chest.
He really didn't know what they were doing it's not like they talked about it or anything. Adam had learned early on in his friendship with Kris, that the younger man didn't question his actions like Adam did. He was calm and relaxed with everything he did. While Adam spent hours on the phone to different people having mini nervous break downs. All Adam knew what that every night for the past month he crawled into the bed and arms of his best friend with the pretense of watching a movie or reading a book together, and if it ended with them making out in the darkness then it was another thing not to question. Then again Adam wasn't one not to question, and he knew he couldn't go on just accepting whatever was happening between him and Kris.
“I really don't know what we would get caught doing, but I know it would be something. This is something.” He waited for Kris to answer but when nothing came he leaned over Kris's body to see his face. “What is this?”
“Friendship?” Kris's confident smile was now replaced by a small frown.
“You're friend with Matt. Would you do this with him?” This only brought on a sigh. A heavy deep sigh that Adam knew was only there because the truth was coming out.
“Why do you have to push this? Can't we just enjoy it?” Kris pleaded.
“I do enjoy it. I just wish I knew what I was enjoying. Just tell me what you're thinking.”
Kris sat himself up from the bunk. “ Can you move please?” When he didn't move Kris climbed over Adam and out of the bunk. It was only when he heard the bathroom door slam shut did he manage to move.
Adam walked slowly towards the bathroom door making sure no one could hear him as he slipped inside and closed the door behind him. Kris sat on the toilet seat with his head in his hands.
“You have to push. Why can't you just leave me alone?”
“I can leave you alone,” Adam said softly. “Just tell me to and I will.” Kris looked up at Adam with tears in his eyes.
“You know I don't want that,” He answers heavily.
“What do you want then?”
“I only wanted to watch a movie with you, and have you hold my hand.”
Adam nodded leaning down pulling Kris's head up further. “ We can do that, but I want to know what we are.”
“You're really annoying.”
“Yeah,” Adam smiled, “but if you let me know what this is then we can get past it and go back to holding hands and watching movies.”
“Really annoying,” Kris sighs.
“Kris.”
“I love you,” Kris snapped. “Happy jackass? I love you.”
Adam's legs gave way as he slumped down on his knees in front of Kris. “You love me? I just thought you wanted in my pants.”
“Shut up. I don't want to love you. I've tried not to but........”
“You love me,” Adam interrupted. “You love me. You really love me.” He was smiling now, but Kris was only getting angrier at him.
“I don't want to. I don't want this. You're not who I want to love.”
“Okay who do you want to love?” Adam was trying not to let Kris's confession get to him, but it was hard not to.
“I just... I just want to love someone who will love me back. I don't need to be running around after someone who's out of my league.”
Adam sat speechless in front of Kris as he heard the truth finally coming out of the younger man's mouth.
“And now you've pushed it ,and now things are going to be weird. This is why I didn't want to say anything. I'm sorry.” Kris stood pushing Adam out the way, but this time Adam stop him.
“Hey, who says this changes anything. You haven't even let me say anything.”
“I don't need your pity Adam.”
Adam grabbed him by the arm pushing him against the bathroom wall. “Who says I pity you? You think you're out of my league, and you think I don't love you back? I mean how stupid is that?” Not exactly what Adam wanted to say but he was panicking.
“I'm stupid to love you,” Kris mumbled as he looked at his shoes.
“Hey,” Adam said shaking him by the shoulders a little. “Hey look at me.” Adam waited till Kris looked up at him. “I love you too.”
End Of Flashback.
“I can't believe I told you I love you the first time on a toilet seat,” Kris laughed.
“Yeah, I was trying to forget that part,” Adam said shaking his head. “It was pretty romantic all the same.”
“Something to tell Sophia when she gets older.” Both men look down at the sleeping baby in Kris's arms.
“Yeah,” Adam smiled. “There's lots of stories this little one needs to hear.” Adam lay his head down on Kris's chest next to Sophia's head.
“I love you,” Kris whispered looking down at both of them.
“We love you too,” Adam answered in a whisper.
Part 5
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