Beating Heart (4/?)
Title: Beating Heart
Pairing: Matsumiya, Sakumiya, Junba
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but I wish I doSummary: Nino's sickness makes him take some new decisions about his life
Previous Chapter
SHO’S POV
I woke up and Nino is still sleeping, pressing his body to mine and I think I could really get used to this. I smile and let myself enjoy this closeness, I take my time observing all his features, it’s not that I haven’t done it before but now I have the chance of not being interrupted; Oh god I sound like a totally pervert.
We stay like that until I feel him stir a little so I pretend to be still asleep and he must have noticed our positions, he stiffs for a second and then backs away swiftly. This action hurts me but just for a moment because in the next he is caressing timidly my cheeks with his fingers, as if he’s studying me. I force myself to not blush or smile, because his fingers feel so good and I don’t want him to stop. But sadly, he stopped and he heads for the bathroom.
During breakfast he tells me that today he’s gonna talk with his family, I ask him if he wants me to be there for support and he grins at me as he refuses my offer. I understand.
We leave together for a photo-shoot, as we walk my hand is itching to take his and feel his fingers again in some way. When we arrive the others are already there, Ohno smiles at us but Aiba seems sad and Jun is avoiding everyone, sulking in a corner. The photo-shoot was really tense but in the end I think we could put a bunch if good shoots after some reprimands from the photographer and our managers. As we get ready to leave for our individual jobs, Jun breaks his silence.
“We should go out together all of us, you know, because you’re leaving” he looks at Nino with pleading eyes, as if he’s asking for more than a dinner.
Everyone stills waiting for what’s next “I said I’m not leaving but I take your word for a time together” Nino responds.
“How about today?” Jun asks looking around for our confirmation.
“Today I can’t, have dinner with my family, is tomorrow okay?” Nino asks.
Everyone nods, including me. Before he leaves I look for his gaze, silent question in my eyes; he blinks as an answer and I know he’s gonna tell them tomorrow. I sigh because I know it’s gonna be difficult with all that’s happening around, but I smile back encouragingly as he leaves first for his meeting. When I notice, only Jun and I are still there.
“Do you love him?” Jun suddenly asks.
“W-what?”
“Do you love Nino?” He’s trying to sound calm but I notice his tighten fists.
I don’t think he has any right to ask me that, not after I know of him and Aiba “Why do you care?”
“I care because is Nino, because I love him and I don’t know what’s going on but you may be the reason he’s leaving!”
I can’t believe he’s getting mad at me “I don’t think you love him, maybe you did before but not anymore. And he’s not leaving, I wouldn’t let him, he’s just taking some time for himself and NO, I’m not the reason for it” I’m trying to control myself as we glared at each other.
“I DO love him and you haven’t answered me!”
“And I don’t plan to. Not when you had been messing around with Masaki and now stand here in front of me trying to pretend that you still love Nino. You don’t deserve an answer” Before this continues and ends worse I take the opportunity to leave as he’s shocked by what I said.
After I finish my day’s work I can’t stop myself to look for Nino, so I’m on my way to pick him out from his mother’s home. The fight with Jun still fresh in my head, I could had deny what he thinks about us but in some way I wanted to hurt him, it may be wrong but the memory of Nino in his car that day drove me to do it.
When I see him approaching the car I get it, it’s all for him. It’s not a pretext or anything like that, it’s just that he’s my special one, that one person you want to protect with your life, the one that brings the best in you as well as the bad when someone dears to hurt him. It’s him.
Without asking I take him to his favorite park, he once told me he likes to go there at night because it’s so peaceful. I know for a fact that when he and Jun broke up he went there almost everyday for a week. We sit on a bench and I take his hand to let him know I’m there for him and wait for him to talk. After a while, he puts his head in my shoulder and I put my arm around him, squeezing a little.
“My mom was very shocked” he starts “and my sister tried to look strong, but I know better”
“They love you very much” And that’s true.
“I know, that just make it more difficult because it’s me who is causing them to cry”
“You didn’t choose this so stop feeling guilty, would you? If they were the ones sick would you blame them?”
He sighs “No, I guess not”
“Of course not” I confirm him “They love you Kazu, they cry because they’re afraid to loss you, but that won’t happen, you would not let that happen” I tighten my hold.
He chuckles.
“What?” I ask looking at him.
“You called me Kazu, you rarely do so” he grins as I blush deep “You used to a lot when we were juniors remember?”
“I-I remember”
“I like it. Brings back the good old days when I made friends with a OCD-bad tempered boy”
“Hey! I don’t have OCD I just like the things to be cleaned after, that’s not bad!”
He laughs “Ok, maybe not and OCD but you certainly had a bad temper”
“Well, that I admit although it passed, right?”
“You had to, after all you had me as your friend and there was a limit of what you could bitch about. When I made you reach there, there was nothing left” he continues laughing and I laugh with him, even if he’s making fun of me because I know all the love that is there.
“Come on brat, it’s getting cold” I try to stand up but he pulls me back.
He gets serious “Sho, are you going to be there?” he’s fidgeting.
“Do you want me to?” If he knew I already cleared my schedule for that day.
“Yes” he whispered looking at the floor. I can’t help to grin, he looks so cute.
“All you had to do was ask. Come on” I pull him up and take him to the car.
When we’re in bed that night he doesn’t pretend anymore, he cuddles comfortably and I just let him taking him by his slim as he nuzzles my chest trying to find the perfect position for his head. We fall sleep that way and it was great.
I woke up a little late the next morning and Nino isn’t there, he left me a note saying that he had early filming and that we’ll meet in the Jimusho for the interview later. That reminds me of the dinner tonight and that makes me feel uneasy.
I arrive early for the group interview but Aiba is already there and judging for his expression he has been waiting for me. Without much word, he drags me to a empty room to talk.
“Sho-chan, I’m sorry” I can see he really feels distressed, Jun must have told him.
I sigh at the realization “It’s not me who you should say that”
His face shoots up “Nino knows?!” Oh crap
I sit down “I think so, but we haven’t talk about it” I admit.
“It was nothing” he quickly responds “it was just… stupid” he’s trembling and I feel really sorry for making him cry.
“As I say Aiba, its n-“
“And Jun loves him. Oh my god” he looks terrified.
If Aiba says that maybe… I shake my head, my first priority must be Nino “Aiba, I don’t know what you want me to say. This is Nino’s choice and if he hasn’t said anything maybe its better if you don’t bring it up. Right now he has a lot in his mind, so please don’t do anything until he’s ready to talk”
“B-But I feel guilty, maybe it is my fault that Nino is going away and-”
“I can’t tell you Nino’s reason but I assure you that isn’t it. I believe he’s gonna tell you later tonight” He calms down a little but the tears are still there. “After all is over you can apologize if you want to, but please I ask you don’t say anything yet. You may not understand right now, but this is important” I plea to him so there isn’t any confrontation; he just needs one more day.
Apparently he notices my distress and accepts my request nodding his head.
“Thank you Aiba-kun. I’m sorry for asking you this and I can see you’re really sorry, I just wish you guys haven’t hurt him in the first place. Everything would have been easier” I take his hands to comfort him in some way.
He whimpers a little but the tears are not longer falling down “I wish that too and I’ll do as you say, but I also worry about Jun-kun, I used him Sho-chan, I took advantage of his friendship and now Nino must hate him and I-”
I cut him before he starts crying again “He doesn’t hate him and he doesn’t hate you either. Even if we haven’t talk about it I can tell that much. I think he has too much in head to have the energy to hate anyone” Before he can ask more I add “Everyone must be coming soon so you may want to wash your face before going in there”
“Thank you Sho-chan”
“You have nothing to thank for” I smile to him.
“You listened to me so thanks” and with that he left the room. I stay there for a while thinking about what Aiba said about being his fault, I wanted to know more about that but at the moment it was more important to calm him down. I think that when Nino tells them tonight he’ll understand my reason for him to keep quiet. Maybe I’m making a mistake, maybe it’d be better if they talk things out before tomorrow, but I’m not going to make that decision for Nino and I’m not gonna let Aiba or Jun do it either.
If Nino wants to I’ll be there to support him and to make sure that he doesn’t get too agitated. That wouldn’t be good for his already weak heart. With that thought I leave the room to meet the other members walking slowly in concentration without knowing that in that same moment Nino’s heart was in danger again.
NINO’S POV
When I walk inside the room I expect to see Sho there, I need to see him to give me strength for tonight, I know the news is gonna be hard on my friends, even for Aiba and Jun. However Sho isn’t inside, the only person I find there is Jun. After I saiy a quick hello I ask for Sho (his bag is there) and I can see Jun gets annoyed at my question but I couldn’t care less at the moment, I just need Sho for God’s sake. He tells me he hadn’t see him and as I am in my way out to look for him, Jun quickly stands up, grabs me by the wrist and pulls me toars him; he buries his face on my neck whispering “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” and I immediately know what he’s apologizing for.
“I’m so sorry Nino, please don’t hate me, I can’t stand you hating me” he’s sobbing in my shoulder and for a second I’m tented to sooth his back, maybe he sensed my hesitation because in the next moment he moves his head and his lips are getting closer. That’s when I push him away. He’s looks puzzle for a moment but he recovers fast with a sad smile. “You like him” he concludes and I know who he’s referring to but I don’t answer “You really like him, and when you’ll know you’ll be gone forever and I won’t be able to get you back. You’ll hate me” It’s like he’s talking to himself and I’m getting scared.
“Jun, I know. I already know about you and Aiba-kun”
He opens his eyes big “He told you?”
Well, that’s my confirmation that Sho also knows “Sho? We never talk about it” and it’s the true.
He pulls me to him again and this time I see his tears falling “I’m sorry Nino, please forgive me. I never meant to hurt you. Please, I still love you; I love you so much it kills me seeing you with him”
At his mention of the word love I get mad “Stop it Jun!” I try to push him again but he’s stronger, he always was “You are fucking Aiba and now you tell me you love him, what the fuck!” I glare at him.
“It didn’t mean anything Nino. Aiba… he…”
“Shut up! I don’t need explanations right now, I don’t need them, I have other things to worry about!” I continue trying to get free but it seems impossible “What you do with each other doesn’t matter to me anymore, we broke up remember! I don’t want to talk about it, so please stop!”
“Nino, please, I fucked up but I still love you!”
I shake my head repeatedly trying to erase his voice; before, his words of love were so special to me, now they sound so tainted and fake. I feel myself trembling and I started to sob “Jun, please stop it. I can’t deal with that right now”
But he continues “I know I hurt you but you have to believe me, I still love you, I never stop loving you Nino. Please believe me”
“You love me so much that you went after my best friend as soon as we broke up, please Jun I’m not stupid” Tears are falling down and I give up, there’s no way I can stop this conversation.
“Nino, Aiba and I made a mistake and we both know it. We just needed someone, we were stupid and we didn’t think-”
“You didn’t think I would find out! How convenient for you really, you didn’t have to look too far to find someone to replace me”
“It’s not like that Nino, nobody can replace you, I love you!”
“Stop saying that! Stop!” I feel my heart clenching and my legs getting weaker; I try to calm myself “Jun, please let me go, I have to go, I have to-”
“Do what?! Look for Sho-kun?! Is he the reason why you can’t forgive me?!” His hands are grabbing my shoulders with too much force “Are you with him just because I hurt you right? You don’t love him! You can’t! You love me and I still love you!” He sounds desperate to believe what he’s saying.
“Jun” my voice is getting weak and my left hand automatically goes to my erratic heart “Jun please let me go, I need to…” I feel lightheaded and I know what’s coming “Please, I need Sho” As I finally call for him I pass out, and in that moment I hear his voice calling for me but I can answer him; it’s too late.
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Nothing to say except I hope you enjoy it :D