I hate MySpace
I hate MySpace. I will NOT DO IT. I MUST RESIST.
I hate it because it is UGLY. If there was ever a definition of ugly, it is MySpace. Aren't there entire lj communities devoted to mocking ugly MySpace pages? It is hideous.
Here are the basic rules of MySpace:
1. You have to throw all rules of good design and font vs. background contrast. Even if you are a stylish and put-together person in real-life, you must lobotomize yourself for MySpace.
2. Large, annoying background graphics with your text on top of them are really, really cool.
3. Must load bad, stupid sound clips that play over my own mp3s when I visit your page.
4. Must use bad, bad, Netspeak.
5. All comments should be completely pointless and stupid. Like "<3 you ForEVA." No proper English should be used. Netspeak is a must. Sounding like a demented 13-year-old is preferable (since everyone on MySpace is a demented 13-year-old, this is not a problem).
So, here's the problem. People I LIKE and respect are on MySpace. Ahhh! I haven't looked, but they might actually have readable and interesting profiles. I might be missing out!
Who, you ask?
1. It all started with Josh Kilmer-Purcell, former-drag-queen-alocholic-dater-of-male-escort-cokeheads and author of the best book of the year (if you don't know what I am talking about, you need to read my journal closer). This man is wickedly funny and wickedly cool. And all major bands and authors have MySpace, so of course he does. I NEED to be in touch with J K-P, so I syndicated his MySpace as an lj RSS feed. Problem solved, right?
2. Nope. Next is Beth (chloeasilver), who stopped updating her lj, but still thoughtfully comments on mine. She told me she is mostly "over there" now. Arrghh! Do I have to go syndicate her, too?
Damn you, Beth! I just went and looked at your MySpace for the first time, and it's like, uhm, readable and shit. It doesn't make my eyes bleed. You are a crappy MySpace user who is violating all the codes. And your friends are writing witty stuff.
3. I bitched about this to Madeleine, and she showed me her readable MySpace. She also uses it in moderation. She knows it is bad to go wholesale over there and get crazy with being friended by random guys.
4. A crushing, crushing blow was dealt to my resolve when xterminal went to the dark side. He is a paragon of reason, of good sense, of not following the masses...and he has a MySpace page?
5. The final straw arrived today. If http://www.myspace.com/stuffonmycatis on MySpace, I need to join.
The worst thing about MySpace is the wickedly-delightfully-good search feature that I was introduced to by someone on my friends list. When I want to go on MySpace, I usually just get a login from www.bugmenot.com or borrow Madeleine's account. So, I admit to doing this, and it is SOO fun, but SOO bad and SOO life wasting. I'm discussing using the search feature to look up people from your High School. Now for Max, everyone had one IN high school, so this is no big deal. But my friends are a little later to the Internet...there were only like five us on ICQ when I graduated. So it's rarer finds. And you won't believe what I found, like:
Oh, OF COURSE Stacey B is a lesbian!
Oh, and that girl is still a goth/pagan freak at 29. Glad she found her place in the world.
And, Derek was always a little swishy...no wonder he's come out of the closet.
Yep, those two girls are still best-friends For-EVA.
When it got so bad that I was thinking about getting out my high school yearbook to look up some people or try to get names right, I knew I had a problem. I still have not gotten the yearbook out. I will resist. I may make an account, but that would be giving in completely. So tempting...
I hate it because it is UGLY. If there was ever a definition of ugly, it is MySpace. Aren't there entire lj communities devoted to mocking ugly MySpace pages? It is hideous.
Here are the basic rules of MySpace:
1. You have to throw all rules of good design and font vs. background contrast. Even if you are a stylish and put-together person in real-life, you must lobotomize yourself for MySpace.
2. Large, annoying background graphics with your text on top of them are really, really cool.
3. Must load bad, stupid sound clips that play over my own mp3s when I visit your page.
4. Must use bad, bad, Netspeak.
5. All comments should be completely pointless and stupid. Like "<3 you ForEVA." No proper English should be used. Netspeak is a must. Sounding like a demented 13-year-old is preferable (since everyone on MySpace is a demented 13-year-old, this is not a problem).
So, here's the problem. People I LIKE and respect are on MySpace. Ahhh! I haven't looked, but they might actually have readable and interesting profiles. I might be missing out!
Who, you ask?
1. It all started with Josh Kilmer-Purcell, former-drag-queen-alocholic-dater-of-male-escort-cokeheads and author of the best book of the year (if you don't know what I am talking about, you need to read my journal closer). This man is wickedly funny and wickedly cool. And all major bands and authors have MySpace, so of course he does. I NEED to be in touch with J K-P, so I syndicated his MySpace as an lj RSS feed. Problem solved, right?
2. Nope. Next is Beth (chloeasilver), who stopped updating her lj, but still thoughtfully comments on mine. She told me she is mostly "over there" now. Arrghh! Do I have to go syndicate her, too?
Damn you, Beth! I just went and looked at your MySpace for the first time, and it's like, uhm, readable and shit. It doesn't make my eyes bleed. You are a crappy MySpace user who is violating all the codes. And your friends are writing witty stuff.
3. I bitched about this to Madeleine, and she showed me her readable MySpace. She also uses it in moderation. She knows it is bad to go wholesale over there and get crazy with being friended by random guys.
4. A crushing, crushing blow was dealt to my resolve when xterminal went to the dark side. He is a paragon of reason, of good sense, of not following the masses...and he has a MySpace page?
5. The final straw arrived today. If http://www.myspace.com/stuffonmycatis on MySpace, I need to join.
The worst thing about MySpace is the wickedly-delightfully-good search feature that I was introduced to by someone on my friends list. When I want to go on MySpace, I usually just get a login from www.bugmenot.com or borrow Madeleine's account. So, I admit to doing this, and it is SOO fun, but SOO bad and SOO life wasting. I'm discussing using the search feature to look up people from your High School. Now for Max, everyone had one IN high school, so this is no big deal. But my friends are a little later to the Internet...there were only like five us on ICQ when I graduated. So it's rarer finds. And you won't believe what I found, like:
Oh, OF COURSE Stacey B is a lesbian!
Oh, and that girl is still a goth/pagan freak at 29. Glad she found her place in the world.
And, Derek was always a little swishy...no wonder he's come out of the closet.
Yep, those two girls are still best-friends For-EVA.
When it got so bad that I was thinking about getting out my high school yearbook to look up some people or try to get names right, I knew I had a problem. I still have not gotten the yearbook out. I will resist. I may make an account, but that would be giving in completely. So tempting...