Need some grammar help from all you smart grammar people...

[ladymanson]

I need some grammar help and I made the mistake of posting this to Yahoo Answers first. God, I love some of the people over there...

Okay, I'm doing an initial edit of my novel (which I feel I should avoid since it's not even done, but find myself doing it anyway) and I am wondering if this is grammatically correct. The novel is in first person, so

Comments

[silver_x_cross]

I may be wrong, so please don't use mine as the only opinion, but to me the sentence looks fine as it is. I used to work as a magazine editor for a while so the majority of my work was technical pieces, but some interviews would be in the first person and would still be edited to correct the grammar- I certainly would have accepted a sentence that started with verb like that. The sentence flows well within the paragraph and I think it works.

[ladymanson]

Thank you very much!

[turquoisetumult]

That looks okay to me. I don't see why you would doubt yourself about it.

[ladymanson]

Oh, it's easy to doubt things when I read them repeatedly and start worrying what an editor would think. :)

[bre2004]

I, personally, think that's fine. It's the first characer projecting her thoughts on what she thinks he might be thinking about her, at least that's my interpretation. I would have read that and kept on going, it does flow right along with the rest of what you posted. Of course, it's been my experience, that it depends on the person who's reading/editing, lol, and what they think is "proper" grammar. But I think it works wonderfully. :)

And I am super intrigued. :)

[ladymanson]

Thank you! I do adore your icon, btw. :)

[bre2004]

Isn't it appropriate for any and all writing? :P

[holypotatoes1]

Now I'm not a genius when it comes to grammar but the way you have the sentence before the one you're talking about it has a comma splice. You should be able to change that period to another comma and lowercase the "knowing" solving the problem of whether or not it's okay to start a sentence with it.

Oh and in the part "mind at ease for at least for a little while" you might want to get rid of one of the "for"s. ;)

[ladymanson]

Oh and in the part "mind at ease for at least for a little while" you might want to get rid of one of the "for"s. ;)
These are the things that happen when I copy and paste too much, lol.

As far as the commas, I'll have to change that. I go kind of crazy with commas on a first draft.

[holypotatoes1]

Haha, I used to go comma crazy as well and then I was always yelled at for having too many commas so I stopped using so many, only to be yelled at once again for not having enough. Sometimes you just can't win. Comma's are a pain in the ass, it's that simple.

[ladymanson]

I particularly like when I go through the writing a second time and go, "Why did I think it was a good idea to put commas THERE?"