Fic: They Smile
It’s late. That much she knows.
The only sound on the darkened corridors is of the guard on his rounds. The prisoners are asleep.
Prisoner. Convicted. A thief. That’s what he is. Right? No, it doesn’t feel right. With his file on her hands, Sara can’t see that prisoner, that thief. She tries to though, unsuccessfully.
She knows she can’t think like this. She knows she should close this file, go home, disconnect from all this and just live her life without involving herself with her patients. Especially this patient.
And when she thinks he’s nothing like her other patients and that maybe there are exceptions to every rule, she knows she’s playing with fire.
~*~
The night falls over Chicago and the wind makes this May evening much colder than what should be. The river is calm despite all this wind surrounding her and all this mess agitating her spirit.
She tightens up her coat around herself and fluffs her scarf around her neck wondering how an exception to a rule could make her question all the rules that guided her life.
Later, when her hand takes that vial and that syringe and that scotch, she can’t refrain herself from thinking how badly fire burns.
~*~
No one asks her why. Everyone knows she did it, everyone knows that it couldn’t have been any other way. And everyone thinks they know why. So, no one asks.
Sometimes she also thinks she did it for the reason they believe to be true. He convinced her. He proved her why she should do it. He manipulated her for her to do it.
And when she thinks like that, she feels like putting another syringe to her vein with a vengeance she almost can’t control. Her heart hurts and she tells herself she saved a life and that is what matters, not her self-destruction nor her tears.
~*~
When she sees him on that train station after everything that happened to her, she’s convinced this was the best decision she made these last few days.
He hugs her like she’s been waiting to be hugged. The comfort she feels is much bigger than what she expected and at the same time everything she needed. His heat warms her and on those endless seconds tears push against her closed eyelids but she resists and focus solely on his smell, so different from when they were on that prison, on that infirmary, on that Gila hotel.
They smile.
~*~
She cries.
It’s not just that she killed someone. It’s not just the risk of being shot right now. It’s not just their desperation to find a safe place. It’s not just seeing light at the end of this miserable tunnel for it to disappear again. It’s not just starting to have hope for something better for it to vanish in matter of minutes. It’s this gut wrenching feeling that no, this will never stop. They make a step over a hole to have another one on the next step. It never ends!
But he’s here and he asks for her to look at him. And through her tears, she sees him. She sees him and she loves him and she really wants to believe everything will turn out ok. However, when she hugs him and kisses him, she feels his own despair. And she knows something isn’t right.
~*~
Her city is still the same. Summer still is hot. The river still shines with the sun. She’s the only different one.
A few more hours and she’ll be able to be with Michael. Until then, her heart seems to be trapped on her throat. She can barely breathe or think. So, she came to the only place where she can begin to calm herself, the same place she went just before she made the decision that changed her life forever.
A couple months later and she still can’t believe how deeply she fell in love, how many times she was tortured or how many tears she shed. Her lips turn into a smile. If she has to go through hell so that she can be with the love of her life, so be it. She’s ready to go through it all again. By his side this time.