The Last Iteration: All This Has Happened Before … Chapter 11
The Last Iteration: All This Has Happened Before …
Chapter 11: The Roar of Silence Echoes in the Bone
“Then why haven’t you authorised a frakking Raptor reconnaissance, Admiral!” Laura Roslin shouted angrily.
Bill Adama’s eyes widened in surprise at the sheer, raw fury emanating from the president … like heat waves from pavement in the height of summer.
“As Colonel Tigh would have no doubt told you, if he’d been given a chance, Madam President,” Bill said in clipped, even tones, “more than a third of our Raptors are down for necessary maintenance, and we can’t pull the others off patrol or combat readiness rotations without endangering the safety of the Fleet. As well, fuel is also an issue; we’ve already had to suspend all non-essential flights within the fleet.”
She folded her arms across her chest and walked away from him and Tigh; his old friend had the good sense to keep his mouth shut. Studying her tense, angry posture, Bill knew that there was more to Laura’s behaviour than just his failure to authorise a Raptor reconnaissance of a star system that might yield much-needed food supplies.
“Saul, if you’ll excuse us,” Bill said quietly. “Get an update from Tyrol on the progress of the overhaul and check with Apollo about the pilots’ schedules.”
“I’ll get right on it,” Tigh said gruffly; the look his eyes said, “Good luck, Old Man, ’cause you’re gonna need it.”
As the hatch clanged shut, he said, “You want to tell me what that was all about?”
She stiffened-her back still to him. He waited in silence for a moment and then walked over to the table to pour a couple glasses of ambrosia. Her face was closed, emotionless as he handed her a glass, but there was no doubt about the fury in her eyes. It made him mentally re-evaluate whether he’d done anything lately to piss her off.
“It’s back,” she said at last; her voice was low and hoarse. He stared at her in puzzlement, unable to fathom what she was referring to. A sense of unease pushed at his puzzlement as he met her furious jade-green gaze.
Before he could respond, or say something inane, she continued, “The cancer is back. Cottle told me last night. We’ll start diloxin chemotherapy within the next week, but he’s already started me on immune boosters, a number of supplements and Chamalla extract …”
He listened to her cold, dispassionate voice with horror mounting in his gut. It took long minutes for his mind to catch up to and process what his ears were hearing.
“No!”
The word escaped him in the sudden exhalation of one who’d forgotten to breathe.
She looked angry and annoyed with him now. “We’ve got to face facts, Bill,” she ground out. “It may very well come down to a mastectomy.”
To his shock, Bill realised he’d missed most of what she’d been saying while he’d processed those four simple words, “The cancer is back”.
“Right now it’s on the table-when the time comes?” She shrugged; he saw the sadness in her eyes. “I intend to keep working for as long as possible, but we may have need of a smooth, orderly transition, so you should probably start developing a rapport with Zarek-”
“Like frak I will.”
Anger leapt back into her eyes at his outburst. “He is the current vice president of this government,” she said. “And you and I both know that by rights, he should have been the legitimate president, not me.”
Bill pulled a sour face as she threw the irregularities of her position into his face; she barked a bitter laugh.
“I’ve been president twice, and as Baltar’s frakking book never ceases to trumpet it, the fact is I was never elected to the post either time,” she said. “You will have to learn to work with Zarek. He’s changed, Bill-has he changed enough? I honestly don’t know-I doubt it. But the Gods know he won’t be denied again. He won’t just walk away again.”
“So that’s it?” he said angrily-angry that she seemed to be giving in without so much as a fight. “You’re just going to give up and die. Turn the presidency over to frakking Zarek!”
She was coldly silent for a long moment. “Have you listened to a word I’ve said?” she bit out. “Would I be putting myself through all this if I was just going to give up and die? I’m well acquainted with diloxin-I know what it does despite efforts over the last three decades to mitigate its toxic effects. You have to want to live in order to consider running that poison through your frakking veins!”
She stepped towards him, her eyes flashing emerald fire. “And believe me, I want to live!” she said and he suddenly felt horribly ashamed of himself. “But I have to be realistic, Bill. I got a reprieve once-days and months that were a gift from you,” she said softly, and his heart leapt at the private double meaning inherent in her words. “I can’t count on receiving such a miraculous gift again.”
“Why not-” he began, remembering how quickly the blood of the hybrid Cylon child had sent her cancer into remission the first time.
“Because I won’t accept it,” she replied holding his gaze, her implacable voice dashing that fragile hope even as she cupped his cheek with one gentle hand. “I’ll accept anything else from you but that.”
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“I don’t know how to live with this again!” she snarled as she paced, trying to come to terms with the reality of this new death sentence. Bill felt as if he’d been crying for days and would never stop again. Yet since her initial revelation, he hadn’t been able to cry; the tears were there, just below the surface, yet they wouldn’t come.
He reached up and took her hand, stilling her in her latest circuit in front of his couch. It stopped the flow of her rant as she looked down into his eyes; all his emotions constricted his chest, as if clawing at the scar that bisected him from sternum to navel.
He pulled her gently to him, down into his lap and gathered her close as a fresh deluge of tears surged over the barriers of her control.
It had been two days since she’d told him of her cancer’s return, and he was no closer to accepting it than he had been then.
But right now, she didn’t need his acceptance; she just needs him to be there for her ... to listen to what she says and to what she does not say.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered at last. She made to move away from him but he held her firmly. She stiffened for a moment and then relaxed back into him, laying her head against his shoulder.
Bill lifted Laura's hand to his mouth and began to kiss the pulse beating on her wrist. After a moment, she looked up into his eyes.
“Rest here for a little while, Laura,” he said gently. “Zarek and the gods-damned Quorum of the frakking People will call you again soon enough; and you’ll go and let them tear their strips of flesh from you. I know there’s nothing I can do about that, but you need to rest, even if it’s just for a few hours. Stay here tonight." He didn’t make it a question, and there were tears in her eyes as she nodded yes.
Bill slipped his arm beneath her knees and the other supporting her back as he rose and carried her to his rack. Bill sat her down on the bed then began to remove her clothes. Tears rolling down her cheeks, she made no effort to stop him. Bill pulled her pants down over her hips, and soon enough she was clad only in her bra and underwear. Bill draped her clothing over a chair, before deftly removing his own uniform. Finally, clad only in his boxers, tees and dog tags, he climbed into bed and drew Laura's body to his own. Wrapping her arms around him, Laura continued to cry softly against his chest, until slowly her sobs quieted and she drifted off to sleep.
Hand stroking her luxuriant, auburn mane, Bill kept his silent vigil listening to her sleep.
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To Chapter 12