The Sky Full of Ghosts 11/? "Mail order omega in space" AU

[ladyjanelly]

(warning for the graphic accidental death of a new, unnamed character, might be triggery along infant-loss lines-if you need a more detailed warning, message me off-anon and I’ll send you a sanitized list of events

Comments

[mee_eep]

awww

[ladyjanelly]

Poor little creature.

Did you feel the scene worked? I wanted it as different from the usual non-humanoid alien contact as possible.

[ratcreature]

FWIW I thought it worked well, particular the shock of accidentally killing one just as he realizes they aren't all dead, though with the sentence: "The biggest alien Jamie has ever seen..." I was confused whether he had seen ones looking like this one before and it was just larger or whether it was a different kind. Also later after he's back I didn't understand what he meant with "It was like they were made out of time instead of materia".

[ladyjanelly]

Ah, thank you thank you. It is valuable input.

Jamie has seen the dead before on-screen, but maybe I need to enforce that there is one main body-type and that most of them he's seen before this are approximately the same size?

Materia is the word I'm using for whatever it is the aliens built their physical stuff out of (and that some human stuff is made out of now like the 'windows' on the Star). So the bubble the creature was in was made out of time instead of materia? Like it popped and there was nothing there anymore? I'll see if I can rework/polish that area.

Thanks so much for the concrit.