Let's learn some stuff about the greeks!
You know, I am really loving some of these Gender & Sexuality in Ancient Greece Readings. I am particularly fond of a dialogue between Zeus and Ganymede that goes a little something like this. (I am paraphrasing, but this is actually the dialogue distilled into its most pure form.)
Zeus: Hello! I have kidnapped you so that you will serve as my immortal boy toy.
Ganymede: Wait, huh? What about my sheep?
Zeus: No no no, Ganymede darling, your sheep, they don't matter anymore. I'm going to take you up through the clouds to a beautiful place where I will feed you my "Ambrosia" and "Nectar" all night long.
Ganymede: But if I don't tend to my sheep, my dad is going to be pretty pissed.
Zeus: ...but I am Zeus.
Ganymede: O...kay... I'm kind of bad with names. Who's that again?
Zeus: Uhm. You may have heard of me from such hits as "That time when there was lightning" and "That time I turned into a swan and raped that woman." Ring any bells?
Ganymede: No, but, I am curious--how did that whole swan thing work.
Zeus: Not important. What matters is that I am Zeus. I'm kind of famous. In that I am...the king. Of the gods. Zeus? Lightning? Swan? Hello?
Ganymede: Oh! Man, now I remember. We had to kill one of my favorite rams for you!
Zeus: ...yes. Right. Exactly. That is when I first saw your delicate manflower and decided to make you mine.
Ganymede: But, okay, you know, I'm still concerned about my sheep here.
Zeus: Don't think about it. I already explained this part to you. Your sheep don't matter. I am going to feed you my nectar. It's totally worth it, just trust me on this one. Okay?
Ganymede: But what am I going to have to do? Why do you want me?
Zeus: ...I can uh...act it out for you. Show you pictures?
Ganymede: Is this going to have something to do with swans?
Zeus: No. Look. Forget about the swans. Forget about the sheep. I'm going to be honest with you, Gany. Can I call you Gany? We're going to sleep together. It's going to be fun.
Ganymede: But why? I mean, you can ask my dad, it really sucks to sleep next to me. I kick and I say things and sometimes I drool.
Zeus: ...right. Okay. As disturbed as I am right now, the point isn't actually to get too much sleeping done.
Ganymede: But I kept him up all night!
Zeus: Yes. That...is the point. To stay up. All night. Together. Nectar.
Ganymede: But then when will we sleep?
Zeus: During the day! I don't care! You're hot! Let's go now!
Ganymede: Gods are so weird.
This is followed by an amazing dialogue between Zeus and Hera that basically boils down to:
Hera: Dude. What the shit is this? It's like you're not even trying!
Zeus: Yeah, uhm, about that. He's really pretty?
Hera: You don't need anyone to pour your stupid nectar, assnut. Hephaistos did it just fine.
Zeus: Yeah, uhm, about that. Hephaistos is really ugly.
Hera: He's your son!
Zeus: Right, exactly. Can't kiss my ugly son! Later, gator.
For those of you who want the actual dialogue--I will type it up on request. It's long, and it's insane. I love gods like this, tricky and weird and flawed and kind of dorky. An extra bonus when they are completely ruled by their god genitals.
Zeus: Hello! I have kidnapped you so that you will serve as my immortal boy toy.
Ganymede: Wait, huh? What about my sheep?
Zeus: No no no, Ganymede darling, your sheep, they don't matter anymore. I'm going to take you up through the clouds to a beautiful place where I will feed you my "Ambrosia" and "Nectar" all night long.
Ganymede: But if I don't tend to my sheep, my dad is going to be pretty pissed.
Zeus: ...but I am Zeus.
Ganymede: O...kay... I'm kind of bad with names. Who's that again?
Zeus: Uhm. You may have heard of me from such hits as "That time when there was lightning" and "That time I turned into a swan and raped that woman." Ring any bells?
Ganymede: No, but, I am curious--how did that whole swan thing work.
Zeus: Not important. What matters is that I am Zeus. I'm kind of famous. In that I am...the king. Of the gods. Zeus? Lightning? Swan? Hello?
Ganymede: Oh! Man, now I remember. We had to kill one of my favorite rams for you!
Zeus: ...yes. Right. Exactly. That is when I first saw your delicate manflower and decided to make you mine.
Ganymede: But, okay, you know, I'm still concerned about my sheep here.
Zeus: Don't think about it. I already explained this part to you. Your sheep don't matter. I am going to feed you my nectar. It's totally worth it, just trust me on this one. Okay?
Ganymede: But what am I going to have to do? Why do you want me?
Zeus: ...I can uh...act it out for you. Show you pictures?
Ganymede: Is this going to have something to do with swans?
Zeus: No. Look. Forget about the swans. Forget about the sheep. I'm going to be honest with you, Gany. Can I call you Gany? We're going to sleep together. It's going to be fun.
Ganymede: But why? I mean, you can ask my dad, it really sucks to sleep next to me. I kick and I say things and sometimes I drool.
Zeus: ...right. Okay. As disturbed as I am right now, the point isn't actually to get too much sleeping done.
Ganymede: But I kept him up all night!
Zeus: Yes. That...is the point. To stay up. All night. Together. Nectar.
Ganymede: But then when will we sleep?
Zeus: During the day! I don't care! You're hot! Let's go now!
Ganymede: Gods are so weird.
This is followed by an amazing dialogue between Zeus and Hera that basically boils down to:
Hera: Dude. What the shit is this? It's like you're not even trying!
Zeus: Yeah, uhm, about that. He's really pretty?
Hera: You don't need anyone to pour your stupid nectar, assnut. Hephaistos did it just fine.
Zeus: Yeah, uhm, about that. Hephaistos is really ugly.
Hera: He's your son!
Zeus: Right, exactly. Can't kiss my ugly son! Later, gator.
For those of you who want the actual dialogue--I will type it up on request. It's long, and it's insane. I love gods like this, tricky and weird and flawed and kind of dorky. An extra bonus when they are completely ruled by their god genitals.