Man's Best Friend [One-shot]
Title: Man’s Best Friend
Length: One-shot
Author: LadyDusk_Raku
Rating: PG
Genre: Crack, Humor
Pairings: YunJae, YooSu
Summary: Yunho and Yoochun have never had much luck with girls; none of them ever seem to get along with their ‘beautiful roommates’, who happen to be an important part of their lives. Little do they know, Hero & Xiah have claimed them and aren’t willing to share. At all.
A/N: I’m not warning a damn thing XD If you haven’t made any connections between the title and the genre, then…yeah, not my fault. Cookies if you already have some idea of what lies ahead. Severe crack.
~Man’s Best Friend~
The telephone rang in the living room; its sound fitting in easily with the murmured news on the television set and the clanking of utensils and kitchenware as breakfast was being prepared. Yunho walked out of the kitchen, clad in the sweatpants and tank top he’d slept in. Holding a spatula in one hand, he gave a glance at the caller ID before answering with a grin. “Yoochun, what’s up?”
There was a laugh on the other end. “Nothing really, just calling to make sure we were still on for tonight. You did promise to show me this ‘amazing’ club.”
“I am; we’re still going since you promised to go with me in the first place.”
“Uh huh, whatever. I want this club of yours to be ‘dazzling’, or there will be consequences.”
“Right, whatever.”
“Watch that tone, young man.” Yoochun smirked on the other end. “I’ll see you in…an hour, I guess?”
“Yeah, I should be ready. A quick breakfast, a shower, then I’ll get dressed.”
“Okay, two hours then.”
“Ha, Ha, No.”
“We’ll see. Bye Yunnie baby~!” Yoochun crooned in an obnoxious pitch.
Yunho shuddered, grimacing. “Never do that again. I still have nightmares about that date.” His friend was in giggles on the other line, as he struggled to pull himself together.
“Ahahahaha, this…haha, this I know. You used to call me in the middle of night complaining.”
“You would’ve done the same.” the frowning man argued.
“True. I’ll leave you to your hour and fifty-five minutes left to change now. Later!” click.
“I don’t need--!” he sighed, hanging up and shaking his head. He had one of the craziest guys for a friend. If he had only known what he was getting into that day at the park… Oh well, time for breakfast. He turned and walked back into the kitchen to dish out his breakfast on a plate. Setting it to the side on the counter, he crouched down to open the bottom cabinet and grab the large bag that sat inside. He pursed his lips and whistled. “Hero~! Breakfast!”
Tugging the large bag of food out, he opened the top and poured out enough to fill the shiny silver bowl that was placed on the floor; it’s side christened with ‘Hero’ in fancy lettering. There was the faintest patter of steps coming from hallway, and his precious Siberian husky came trotting through the kitchen doorway. Yunho smiled, scooping up the full dog bowl in one hand and grabbing his plate with the other. “C’mon Hero,” he called, heading for the living room.
Hero barked eagerly, and followed obediently. Yunho placed his food down on the coffee table and Hero’s on the carpet beside the couch. Turning up the volume to hear the news, he leaned over the armrest to pet the canine earnestly. The husky leaned into the touch, eyes closed in appreciation as his owner’s fingers ran through his smooth mix of grey, black and white fur.
Mmm.
“Eat up, you’re going to have a play mate this afternoon,” Yunho said, turning to watch the news as he ate his eggs. Hero cocked his head slightly to the side; blue eyes watching him curiously before he turned to eat his own bowl of food.
Whatever.
~=================~
The doorbell rang, sounding throughout the apartment as its visitor had arrived. Yunho walked briskly into the living room, heading straight for the door as he tried to button the cuffs of his shirt. He flipped the lock and opened the door, gasping in mock surprise at his friend on the other side. “Yoochun, you’re here! I could’ve sworn you said ‘two hours’, and yet you’re here in barely an hour…” he grinned as the other man rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, well, I realized you’re one of those ‘suave’ guys who like to have their suits already picked out; lying pristine and fresh on the bed ready when they come out of the shower. …You’re a pimp.”
Yunho snorted, not bothering to contain his laughter. “A pimp? Get in here and stop acting ridiculous.” He stepped back to let him in. Yoochun sneered, looking in at the place.
“Fancy apartment with the expensive furniture, latest appliances, pricey décor, and its own personal doorbell…you’re a pimp.” he said, looking sideways at his friend and co-worker. “Oh, I forgot to ask but, you don’t mind if I brought Xiah along now instead of later, do you? I thought it’d be easier to bring him now rather than after work.” he held up the leash in his hand.
Yunho waved a hand. “Sure, no problem, it saves us an extra trip.” He leaned in towards the doorway. “Where is he?”
Yoochun tugged gently on the leash. “Xiah, come meet Yunho.” he called. A beautiful white dog came forward obediently, looking at the stranger with appraising eyes. “Yunho, this is Xiah. Xiah, this is Yunho.”
“Beautiful dog,” Yunho said sincerely, reaching out to pet him. Xiah gave a small snap at his fingers, and Yoochun tugged on the leash with a laugh.
“Behave,” he admonished. “Sorry, he’s very vain.”
Yunho rolled his eyes. ‘I wonder whose fault that is.’ Standing to his feet, he let them inside and shut the door. Turning towards the hallway, he called out. “Hero, we’ve got company!” His companion came trotting into the room quickly, ears perked at the call.
If it’s Max tell him he’s not getting my food again; he eats tons-- Hero stopped, standing close to his owner as he noticed the pair of strangers in his house. And they are…?
“Yoochun, Xiah, meet Hero.” Yunho crouched down again, rubbing his dog affectionately. “Hero, meet your play mate for today!”
Yoochun smiled, unhooking the leash from his dog so that he could roam freely. “He’s a husky, right?” Yunho nodded, righting Hero’s crooked collar so that his name shone proudly on the polished name tag.
“Yeah, Siberian. What type of dog is Xiah?” Yoochun practically swelled with pride, petting the snow white canine.
“He’s an American Eskimo Dog.” He turned to cup the dog’s face, ruffling his fur playfully. “My lovely Xiah~ who’s so ‘Junsu’? Who’s so ‘Junsu‘?” he cooed. Xiah’s tail wagged excitedly and he gave a small bark.
I am!
Yunho rolled his eyes, laughing. “And you wonder why he’s ‘vain’? What’s the dog supposed to think when you tell him how ‘handsome’ he is?” he stood. Yoochun glared at him, standing up as well.
“Oh shut up. I can’t help if my dog is amazing.” he glanced down at the two dogs who had yet to greet one another, but were merely staring. “Umm…you did say Hero was good with other dogs, right?” he watched the two warily.
Yunho waved it off. “Of course, Hero plays with the other dogs in the building on occasion. He’s gentle too, don’t worry about them.” He glanced down at his watch, noting the time. “Let’s get out of here; don’t want to be late.” Yoochun nodded and gave his dog a final pat before heading for the door. Yunho gave his husky a scratch behind the ears before heading off as well. “Be a good boy, Hero. You two play nice!”
The two men left the apartment, with Yunho grabbing his coat and car keys on the way out. There was silence as the two canines stared at the apartment door; listening to the footsteps as they faded down the hallway…. The two abruptly turned and growled at each other, violently baring their teeth as they crouched low with their hackles raised.
Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my house! Hero growled low.
I could ask you the same thing! Xiah snarled.
This isn’t your house, idiot!
So! The white dog snapped back. Bitch!
You should talk! At least I look like a male!
Bite me!
You wish.
Xiah growled. Enough! You just make sure you keep away from my Yoochun!
What? You keep away from Yunho! Hero snapped.
Xiah paused in mid snarl, snapping his mouth shut. …Wait, you mean you’re not trying to steal Yoochun?
Hero huffed in disdain. What would I want with your human? I have my own and he’s perfect. Sensing no more to their previous argument he relaxed, letting out a yawn as he sat back on his hind legs. Xiah blinked, still a bit thrown.
You really aren’t trying to steal him from me?
Hero turned, making his way to the living room. Nope. I’m going into the living room; if you’re going to stay, just don’t pee on any of my stuff. We use the toilet around here. He disappeared into the other room.
Xiah turned up his nose, glancing around the apartment. I wouldn’t pee in here anyway…this place is weird.
No it’s not. Hero flopped down onto his personal pillow, intent on pawing at the remote in front of him until the channel reached his favorite drama. Xiah followed the (admittedly) bigger canine into the living room, walking around him so that they were face to face.
Oh no? What about that black Great Dane and Chihuahua I saw fussing in the hall on the way up here?
You mean Max and Keita? They fuss all the time. Keita can be annoying when hyper and Max is too lazy to walk away from him so he just grumbles back. Hero huffed, settling for a simple cartoon instead. He eats my food whenever he’s over. Stupid over-grown pup.
Xiah stared at the husky for a moment, still not willing to trust. You sure you’re not after my Chunnie? I mean…you don’t compare to me or anything, but you’re a nice looking dog. My human has fine tastes so---he was interrupted as Hero let out an annoyed sound.
Will you stop? Thanks for the underhanded compliment and all, but I don’t want your human. I’ve chased away too many of those human females to worry about another dog. He sniffed smugly. I’m irreplaceable and he has no interest in buying another dog. Eh, maybe a cat but who cares about those things. He looked over to his canine company, tilting his head in curiosity when he noticed Xiah wagging his tail excitedly. What?
You too? Xiah barked happily. You’ve chased away those females as well?
Hero froze when he realized what he meant. Wait, you have to deal with them, too? He asked in awe.
Yup! I chased away six last month. It’s such a bother trying to come up with new ways to scare them; they’re like fleas. Not that I’ve ever had those of course. Xiah added. Hero sat up, now wagging his tail as well.
Tell me about it! Oh wait, let me tell you about last week…The two dogs sat on the floor conversing; trading stories about their different experiences and problems with excited yips and barks.
~======================~
The sounds of keys being fumbled with at the door reached Hero’s ears; he turned back to the end of the knotted rope he had clenched in his jaws, releasing it with a bark and bounding off into the hallway. Xiah, who had been tugging onto the other end, flew back with a yelp.
Ah! What’s with that?!
Yunho’s home! Hero barked, running for the living room to greet his owner. Xiah immediately hopped up to follow, and chased after him. They skidded to a stop at the door, anxiously wagging their tails.
He’s home He’s home He’s home He’s home-the door opened with the sound of Yunho and Yoochun’s laughter, and their dogs rushed forward to greet them.
Yunnie!--
Chunnie!-
“Hey guys!” Yunho greeted with a smile, stepping in and opening the door wider for his guests. Yoochun ushered the two women accompanying them inside, and walked in afterward. Hero and Xiah froze, staring at them in disbelief as the two females waltzed right in.
“Oh Yunho, this is such a nice place. You didn’t tell me it was so…classy.” The taller of the two gushed. Yunho smiled, taking her by the hand and turning to the two canines that had yet to greet them.
“It’s nothing, really. Come on, I want to introduce you; Haewon, this is Hero. Hero, come say hello to Haewon!” Hero walked over slowly, suddenly feeling less excited than before. The woman cooed at him cutely, crouching down to look at him.
“Oh how cute! I have a Pomeranian and a Poodle at home. He’s so adorable!” She reached to scratch behind his ears. The other woman looked at Xiah curiously, and turned to Yoochun.
“Is he yours, oppa?” she asked sweetly. Yoochun grinned, bending down to pet his lovely dog.
“Of course, who else would this handsome guy belong to?” He smiled. “C’mon, you can pet him if you want.” She crouched down to do so, and Xiah tensed.
Hero! This female wants to touch me, how dare-what are you doing?! Xiah was stunned silent as Hero wagged his tail frantically, cuddling up to the girl. He stared in disbelief, unaware of the manicured fingers petting his head obnoxiously as well. HERO. How could you-
Shut up and play along! Hero said with a falsely cheerful bark, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. They won’t be easy to get rid of since one of them likes dogs. He tried not to become sick as the irritating woman continued to coo to him in baby talk, gushing about how lovely he was…as if he didn’t already know that. Xiah grumbled in agreement, pretending to like the way his fur was being mussed by the idiot handling him.
Yunho and Yoochun gently tugged the girls’ attentions away from their respective dogs, and led them to the living room to sit.
“Why don’t you ladies wait here while Yunho and I get something to eat and a few drinks,” Yoochun said with a wink, smiling as the women blushed in response and nodded. The two disappeared into the kitchen; their dogs watching them go with all senses alert.
Hero…
I know.
What’s the plan?
Listen…The two scooted close to each other, trading hushed yips and grumbles.
The silence grew between the two women sitting on the couch, until SungHee twisted around on the black leather, peering curiously over the edge. “Where did those cute doggies go-eek!” She jumped in surprised as a wet nose bumped against her thigh. Xiah looked up at her with adorable eyes, wagging his tail. “Oh, you scared me cutie.” She reached down to pet him.
“Aw, he likes you,” Haewon said kindly, smiling. Hero bounded up to her, rising up on his hind legs so that he could nuzzle her sweetly. She giggled, petting him on the head. Hero wagged his tail, throwing his full weight onto her. “Um, down boy, you’re too heavy for me.” She pushed against him gently. Hero refused to let up, pressing forward to lick at her face. “No, no, down boy.”
Xiah bared his teeth evilly and latched onto SungHee’s short skirt; biting gently onto the fabric. She let out a shriek, pushing Xiah away. The two dogs backed off, sitting back on their hind legs in an obedient position as Yoochun poked his head out of the kitchen doorway in concern.
“What’s going on?”
SungHee grabbed the edge of her skirt, frowning. “Your dog ruined my skirt! This is an expensive piece!” A blank look fell over Yoochun’s face for a moment, before he smiled apologetically.
“Ah, I’m sorry SungHee, Xiah isn’t a destructive dog. I’m sure your skirt is fine; he was only being playful and wanted your attention.” SungHee opened her mouth to comment, and Haewon placed a hand on her shoulder, halting her.
“He’s right, Xiah didn’t mean any harm I’m sure; he just likes you. My dogs have acted that way in the past.” SungHee nodded and Yoochun beamed, waving ‘goodbye’ as he disappeared back into the kitchen. Hero and Xiah stared, glancing at the door and then at Haewon.
Damn, she is a hard one.
Tell me about it.
Let’s hurry. Plan B.
Okay.
The waited patiently until they were their masters were busy, and then went into action. Xiah eagerly trotted up to SungHee again, sitting as close as possible to her legs. She eyed him warily, as she was already a bit distrustful after the skirt biting. It was perfect. He rose a hind leg to frantically scratch his neck, whining as if there were a hold mass of fleas in that very spot. SungHee tensed immediately, wincing at the thought of fleas.
“Shoo, doggie, shoo. Go scratch somewhere else,” she muttered, not wanting the other woman to hear. She’d already been a bit embarrassed; no need to let that dog lover make her look bad. She nudged Xiah discreetly with her foot. Haewon had found the remote and was avidly watching some interior design channel. Hero, who had disappeared for a spell, came in from the hallway quietly and walked up to the side she sat on.
Hero gave a soft whine to catch her attention, and she looked down to see him with a miniature football in his jaws and pleading eyes. It was obviously a sign of ‘play with me’. Unfortunately, Haewon was used to her dogs being quiet and pretty, trained less to play and with more manners befitting a show dog. She waved a finger to Hero.
“No, no, I can’t play with you now.” She gave him a pat on the head and went back to watching, unaware of SungHee’s growing discomfort behind her as Xiah began to scratch his other side furiously. There was a minute before a wet nose bumped against her arm, and she looked down again to see Hero still pleading. She pursed her lips. “No, I said. Be a good boy and go play somewhere else.” Turning back towards the TV, she smiled as a woman explained the details of designing a master bedroom for-abruptly her view was blocked as Hero stood on his hind legs, nearly shoving the toy in her face.
She recoiled in annoyance, frowning at the dog. Was he not trained? “I said ‘no’.” She pushed him away this time, and brushed off the silver strands of hair that she spotted on her sleeve. Not very well groomed either... Haewon picked carefully at the bits of hair, when suddenly a saliva ridden football dropped into her lap. Letting out an exclamation of surprised and disgust, she began to stand, only to gain a lapful of husky as a rough tongue was drug across her face. “Ugh! Get away!” she shrieked.
The boys came in at once, concern on their faces. Hero bolted on cue, running behind Yunho’s legs and ‘cowering’ at the big bad lady’s tone. “What’s going on in here?” Yoochun questioned, his gaze subconsciously going to his own dog who was sitting simply at SungHee’s feet; she her legs drawn up onto the couch for some reason now.
Yunho bent down to his dog’s level, tossing in his own curious glance Haewon’s way. She rubbed at her cheek with her sleeve, mildly glaring. “Your dog kept trying to give me…this thing.” She pushed the toy off the couch. “He’s too eager to play and wouldn’t listen.” Yunho sighed, ruffling his dog’s fur affectionately.
“I’m sorry about that. He’s never had a guest he liked so much; he’s just trying to show you his affection. Hero is usually well behaved.” Sunghee huffed, not fully accepting the excuse.
“That’s alright I guess.” He smiled at her. “Maybe you should just get him trained a little more.” She stood, wiping at her skirt with a handkerchief. There was a bit of silence before she heard Yunho’s curt reply.
“…Excuse me?” She looked up to see him frowning, one hand on Hero’s head. Was it her imagination or was that dog eyeing her just a bit too much? She shook her head.
“I’m just saying, it’s obvious he just needs a little more training. My dogs are fully trained and never-“
“I think I know how do raise my own dog, thank you Haewon.” Yunho said coldly. Yoochun gave a low whistle at the tone, deciding to stay out of this one.
Haewon put her hands on her hips. “Why are you taking that tone with me? I’m just giving an opinion! Hero is a nice dog but he needs more obedience around guests.”
“And flea baths!” SungHee’s voice piped from the side. The other three looked at her with eyebrows raised.
“What?”
SungHee flushed at the full attention, still drawn up onto her corner of the couch…as far away from Xiah as she could get. “I-It’s just that Xi-I mean I don’t know if Hero does but Xiah has fleas or something. Shouldn’t you make sure he’s clean if you’re going to keep him in the house?” A slender finger was pointed in the white dog’s direction. Xiah gave a cute bark and wagged his tail innocently.
Yoochun tried not to glare at the girl. “SungHee…Xiah doesn’t have fleas. He had his most recent personal treatment not two days ago. I keep my dog clean.” He spoke slowly. SungHee shook her head, still pointing at Xiah.
“No, no I saw him scratching really hard!” Everyone glanced at Xiah, who merely cocked his head in response and didn’t lift one paw to scratch. They looked back at her. “Really, he did! Haewon didn’t you see--”
“I don’t remember that, but it’s something that could easily be taken care of at the right pet care center. The one I take my beauties to is top notch.” Haewon replied. A hand grabbed hers to lead her away from the couch.
“Well, I believe that’s something you could both talk about on your cab ride home.” Yunho said curtly, dropping her hand and presenting her the door. Yoochun did the same with a protesting SungHee, who kept insisting that Xiah was riddled with fleas or maybe ticks. Haewon gaped at the two incredulously, and then glared.
“FINE, CHOOSE YOUR PRIDE AND DOGS OVER US.” She turned on her heel and stormed out; nostrils flaring in rage. SungHee followed in a teary huff, scratching at her arms and whining that she’d gotten something. Yoochun swung the door closed with a scoff.
“Of all the nerve…I thought they were nice girls, too.”
Yunho shook his head. “What can I say, it seems like any girl I date either isn’t a dog person, or they end up claiming that their dog is better than my own.” He looked back at their pair of companions, who had followed them tentatively to the door and now sat politely waiting. He smiled and gave his leg a pat, calling them over. Hero ran over happily, taking delight in being petted. “How can they think I’ll take them without you, huh?” The husky barked in reply.
Beats me, right Xiah?
The Eskimo dog was getting his own ears scratched by Yoochun; eyes closed in ecstasy. Yeah, right, whatever.
~====================~
The dark room was lit up by the gentle light of the plasma screen TV as a movie played. Yunho and Yoochun sat on the living room couch watching; empty dinner plates on the coffee table and each with their respective dog’s head lying in their lap as they lounged. Yoochun gave a yawn, absentmindedly stroking smooth white fur.
“Mmm, Yunho you don’t mind if we stay over, do you?” He stretched a little, not wanting to jostle a sleepy Xiah. His friend shook his head, eyes still glued to the movie.
“Not at all, you guys are welcome to spend the night. After all, I think Hero might have found a new best friend in Xiah. They’ve been getting along so well.” He looked down at his dog who was dozing peacefully.
Yoochun grinned. “Like owners, like dog. I never doubted they’d be friends.”
“Mm,” Yunho agreed with a smile. “That’s man’s best friend for you.”
~END~
OMAKE ENDING:
The constant beeping of an alarm was faintly heard from the bedroom; Yunho frowned in his sleep, turning his head and trying to shut out the sound that tried to awake him. A heavy hand whacked him in the arm, and there was shifting as the person beside him moved.
“Go turnat‘ff,” Yoochun mumbled. Oh right, he’d spent the night…he began to doze off again, intent on ignoring the alarm when he was whacked a second time.
“Alrigh’, alrigh’.” He grumbled, and tried to rise to his feet…keyword being ‘tried’. A heavy weight kept him down, and he frowned for a minute, too tired to even open his eyes fully. Weight?...Hero! Right, he’d slept with Hero resting on his lap. Ah well, he’d make up for waking him with a nice breakfast. “C’mon boy, let me get up.” He gave Hero a gentle pat on the back, only to meet smooth skin.
Wait, what? He poked the weight again, and it shifted. “Yoochun, get your leg off me or I wont get the alarm.” He rubbed at his eyes as he grew more coherent. There was a grumble next to him.
“’m not on you. You get off me.”
Yunho sighed, sitting up as he became fully alert. “Yoochun I’m not on-AHH!” He jolted in shock, staring at his lap.
That was NOT Yoochun. His friend may have had dark black hair, but it was not jet black and silky. Nor was he naked and lying on Yunho’s lap, sleeping peacefully. Were it not even for the ‘naked’ factor, he would have sworn that this was a girl. Certain bits proved that.
Yunho was frozen in his spot, too stunned to move. Yoochun groaned from where he lay, awakened by the yell. “What the hell man…” Yunho turned to look at his best friend, hoping that he could explain this.
“Yoochun what is going-ACK.” He cut off in mid sentence, staring. His friend gave a jaw cracking yawn, sitting up fully and rubbing his eyes. He turned to Yunho blinking.
“Hey what’s going-Yunho what the hell!” He cried, pointing to the naked form lying in the man’s lap. Yunho said nothing, and merely pointed to Yoochun. Confused, he glanced down and blanched.
There was a head of blond fluffy hair by his waist; attached to it was a naked body that clung to him with its arms around Yoochun’s waist. “GAH! What the--!” He jumped, jostling the sleeping male.
The guy slowly came to, blinking the sleep from his eyes and sitting up. As if on cue, the other strange male awoke, stretching out cutely and sitting up with a yawn. Yunho still sat frozen, unable to move. Yoochun didn’t have that problem however.
“Just who the hell are you guys?!” He glanced from one to the other. Jumping, the two males turned, and happened to catch sight of one another. There was a brief pause before the two bared their teeth and pointed.
“Who are you and what are you doing in my house!” The brunet seemed to growl.
“This is isn’t your house, it’s--!” The blond paused mid-sentence, and stared… “…Hero?”
The other male blinked. “…Xi…Xiah?” he asked in awe. Feeling a small weight around his neck, he reached up and felt a familiar chained collar with the plate of silver that had his name on it. Xiah stared at his now human paws-no, hands in a daze.
There was a choked attempt to speak at his left. “…X-Xiah…?” Yoochun spoke in disbelief. His dog? Yunho was now frozen and slack-jawed. This was Hero? There was no way…
“MASTER!” Xiah and Hero cried in unison, ‘glomping’ (for lack of a more perfect word) the two men on the couch. Yoochun, who had unfortunately scooted so far back that he was now sitting on top of the backrest, was sent sprawling backward onto the floor with an armful of naked male. Xiah threw his arms around his owner’s neck, breathing in the scent of his cologne that didn’t smell so odd in this form.
Yunho found himself unable to move and sporting a blush, as his… (once pet?)…er, the ‘male’ proceeded to hug the life out of him. Hero snuggled close, muttering on about a dream come true as he clung like a leech.
…It was going to be a long day.
=======================
Yes, I know. I’m working on everything and as I finish each one, I’m posting it. Don’t worry about the other due updates. ^ ^ Sorry I’ve been gone for so long. I hate when I can’t write. Hope you enjoyed this cracktastic-ness. The omake was just meant to be a funny ‘what if’ alternative ending and has no plans of being continued. However if anyone wants to take a crack at making it a bigger plot and chaptered or something, feel free XD
Length: One-shot
Author: LadyDusk_Raku
Rating: PG
Genre: Crack, Humor
Pairings: YunJae, YooSu
Summary: Yunho and Yoochun have never had much luck with girls; none of them ever seem to get along with their ‘beautiful roommates’, who happen to be an important part of their lives. Little do they know, Hero & Xiah have claimed them and aren’t willing to share. At all.
A/N: I’m not warning a damn thing XD If you haven’t made any connections between the title and the genre, then…yeah, not my fault. Cookies if you already have some idea of what lies ahead. Severe crack.
~Man’s Best Friend~
The telephone rang in the living room; its sound fitting in easily with the murmured news on the television set and the clanking of utensils and kitchenware as breakfast was being prepared. Yunho walked out of the kitchen, clad in the sweatpants and tank top he’d slept in. Holding a spatula in one hand, he gave a glance at the caller ID before answering with a grin. “Yoochun, what’s up?”
There was a laugh on the other end. “Nothing really, just calling to make sure we were still on for tonight. You did promise to show me this ‘amazing’ club.”
“I am; we’re still going since you promised to go with me in the first place.”
“Uh huh, whatever. I want this club of yours to be ‘dazzling’, or there will be consequences.”
“Right, whatever.”
“Watch that tone, young man.” Yoochun smirked on the other end. “I’ll see you in…an hour, I guess?”
“Yeah, I should be ready. A quick breakfast, a shower, then I’ll get dressed.”
“Okay, two hours then.”
“Ha, Ha, No.”
“We’ll see. Bye Yunnie baby~!” Yoochun crooned in an obnoxious pitch.
Yunho shuddered, grimacing. “Never do that again. I still have nightmares about that date.” His friend was in giggles on the other line, as he struggled to pull himself together.
“Ahahahaha, this…haha, this I know. You used to call me in the middle of night complaining.”
“You would’ve done the same.” the frowning man argued.
“True. I’ll leave you to your hour and fifty-five minutes left to change now. Later!” click.
“I don’t need--!” he sighed, hanging up and shaking his head. He had one of the craziest guys for a friend. If he had only known what he was getting into that day at the park… Oh well, time for breakfast. He turned and walked back into the kitchen to dish out his breakfast on a plate. Setting it to the side on the counter, he crouched down to open the bottom cabinet and grab the large bag that sat inside. He pursed his lips and whistled. “Hero~! Breakfast!”
Tugging the large bag of food out, he opened the top and poured out enough to fill the shiny silver bowl that was placed on the floor; it’s side christened with ‘Hero’ in fancy lettering. There was the faintest patter of steps coming from hallway, and his precious Siberian husky came trotting through the kitchen doorway. Yunho smiled, scooping up the full dog bowl in one hand and grabbing his plate with the other. “C’mon Hero,” he called, heading for the living room.
Hero barked eagerly, and followed obediently. Yunho placed his food down on the coffee table and Hero’s on the carpet beside the couch. Turning up the volume to hear the news, he leaned over the armrest to pet the canine earnestly. The husky leaned into the touch, eyes closed in appreciation as his owner’s fingers ran through his smooth mix of grey, black and white fur.
Mmm.
“Eat up, you’re going to have a play mate this afternoon,” Yunho said, turning to watch the news as he ate his eggs. Hero cocked his head slightly to the side; blue eyes watching him curiously before he turned to eat his own bowl of food.
Whatever.
~=================~
The doorbell rang, sounding throughout the apartment as its visitor had arrived. Yunho walked briskly into the living room, heading straight for the door as he tried to button the cuffs of his shirt. He flipped the lock and opened the door, gasping in mock surprise at his friend on the other side. “Yoochun, you’re here! I could’ve sworn you said ‘two hours’, and yet you’re here in barely an hour…” he grinned as the other man rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, well, I realized you’re one of those ‘suave’ guys who like to have their suits already picked out; lying pristine and fresh on the bed ready when they come out of the shower. …You’re a pimp.”
Yunho snorted, not bothering to contain his laughter. “A pimp? Get in here and stop acting ridiculous.” He stepped back to let him in. Yoochun sneered, looking in at the place.
“Fancy apartment with the expensive furniture, latest appliances, pricey décor, and its own personal doorbell…you’re a pimp.” he said, looking sideways at his friend and co-worker. “Oh, I forgot to ask but, you don’t mind if I brought Xiah along now instead of later, do you? I thought it’d be easier to bring him now rather than after work.” he held up the leash in his hand.
Yunho waved a hand. “Sure, no problem, it saves us an extra trip.” He leaned in towards the doorway. “Where is he?”
Yoochun tugged gently on the leash. “Xiah, come meet Yunho.” he called. A beautiful white dog came forward obediently, looking at the stranger with appraising eyes. “Yunho, this is Xiah. Xiah, this is Yunho.”
“Beautiful dog,” Yunho said sincerely, reaching out to pet him. Xiah gave a small snap at his fingers, and Yoochun tugged on the leash with a laugh.
“Behave,” he admonished. “Sorry, he’s very vain.”
Yunho rolled his eyes. ‘I wonder whose fault that is.’ Standing to his feet, he let them inside and shut the door. Turning towards the hallway, he called out. “Hero, we’ve got company!” His companion came trotting into the room quickly, ears perked at the call.
If it’s Max tell him he’s not getting my food again; he eats tons-- Hero stopped, standing close to his owner as he noticed the pair of strangers in his house. And they are…?
“Yoochun, Xiah, meet Hero.” Yunho crouched down again, rubbing his dog affectionately. “Hero, meet your play mate for today!”
Yoochun smiled, unhooking the leash from his dog so that he could roam freely. “He’s a husky, right?” Yunho nodded, righting Hero’s crooked collar so that his name shone proudly on the polished name tag.
“Yeah, Siberian. What type of dog is Xiah?” Yoochun practically swelled with pride, petting the snow white canine.
“He’s an American Eskimo Dog.” He turned to cup the dog’s face, ruffling his fur playfully. “My lovely Xiah~ who’s so ‘Junsu’? Who’s so ‘Junsu‘?” he cooed. Xiah’s tail wagged excitedly and he gave a small bark.
I am!
Yunho rolled his eyes, laughing. “And you wonder why he’s ‘vain’? What’s the dog supposed to think when you tell him how ‘handsome’ he is?” he stood. Yoochun glared at him, standing up as well.
“Oh shut up. I can’t help if my dog is amazing.” he glanced down at the two dogs who had yet to greet one another, but were merely staring. “Umm…you did say Hero was good with other dogs, right?” he watched the two warily.
Yunho waved it off. “Of course, Hero plays with the other dogs in the building on occasion. He’s gentle too, don’t worry about them.” He glanced down at his watch, noting the time. “Let’s get out of here; don’t want to be late.” Yoochun nodded and gave his dog a final pat before heading for the door. Yunho gave his husky a scratch behind the ears before heading off as well. “Be a good boy, Hero. You two play nice!”
The two men left the apartment, with Yunho grabbing his coat and car keys on the way out. There was silence as the two canines stared at the apartment door; listening to the footsteps as they faded down the hallway…. The two abruptly turned and growled at each other, violently baring their teeth as they crouched low with their hackles raised.
Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my house! Hero growled low.
I could ask you the same thing! Xiah snarled.
This isn’t your house, idiot!
So! The white dog snapped back. Bitch!
You should talk! At least I look like a male!
Bite me!
You wish.
Xiah growled. Enough! You just make sure you keep away from my Yoochun!
What? You keep away from Yunho! Hero snapped.
Xiah paused in mid snarl, snapping his mouth shut. …Wait, you mean you’re not trying to steal Yoochun?
Hero huffed in disdain. What would I want with your human? I have my own and he’s perfect. Sensing no more to their previous argument he relaxed, letting out a yawn as he sat back on his hind legs. Xiah blinked, still a bit thrown.
You really aren’t trying to steal him from me?
Hero turned, making his way to the living room. Nope. I’m going into the living room; if you’re going to stay, just don’t pee on any of my stuff. We use the toilet around here. He disappeared into the other room.
Xiah turned up his nose, glancing around the apartment. I wouldn’t pee in here anyway…this place is weird.
No it’s not. Hero flopped down onto his personal pillow, intent on pawing at the remote in front of him until the channel reached his favorite drama. Xiah followed the (admittedly) bigger canine into the living room, walking around him so that they were face to face.
Oh no? What about that black Great Dane and Chihuahua I saw fussing in the hall on the way up here?
You mean Max and Keita? They fuss all the time. Keita can be annoying when hyper and Max is too lazy to walk away from him so he just grumbles back. Hero huffed, settling for a simple cartoon instead. He eats my food whenever he’s over. Stupid over-grown pup.
Xiah stared at the husky for a moment, still not willing to trust. You sure you’re not after my Chunnie? I mean…you don’t compare to me or anything, but you’re a nice looking dog. My human has fine tastes so---he was interrupted as Hero let out an annoyed sound.
Will you stop? Thanks for the underhanded compliment and all, but I don’t want your human. I’ve chased away too many of those human females to worry about another dog. He sniffed smugly. I’m irreplaceable and he has no interest in buying another dog. Eh, maybe a cat but who cares about those things. He looked over to his canine company, tilting his head in curiosity when he noticed Xiah wagging his tail excitedly. What?
You too? Xiah barked happily. You’ve chased away those females as well?
Hero froze when he realized what he meant. Wait, you have to deal with them, too? He asked in awe.
Yup! I chased away six last month. It’s such a bother trying to come up with new ways to scare them; they’re like fleas. Not that I’ve ever had those of course. Xiah added. Hero sat up, now wagging his tail as well.
Tell me about it! Oh wait, let me tell you about last week…The two dogs sat on the floor conversing; trading stories about their different experiences and problems with excited yips and barks.
~======================~
The sounds of keys being fumbled with at the door reached Hero’s ears; he turned back to the end of the knotted rope he had clenched in his jaws, releasing it with a bark and bounding off into the hallway. Xiah, who had been tugging onto the other end, flew back with a yelp.
Ah! What’s with that?!
Yunho’s home! Hero barked, running for the living room to greet his owner. Xiah immediately hopped up to follow, and chased after him. They skidded to a stop at the door, anxiously wagging their tails.
He’s home He’s home He’s home He’s home-the door opened with the sound of Yunho and Yoochun’s laughter, and their dogs rushed forward to greet them.
Yunnie!--
Chunnie!-
“Hey guys!” Yunho greeted with a smile, stepping in and opening the door wider for his guests. Yoochun ushered the two women accompanying them inside, and walked in afterward. Hero and Xiah froze, staring at them in disbelief as the two females waltzed right in.
“Oh Yunho, this is such a nice place. You didn’t tell me it was so…classy.” The taller of the two gushed. Yunho smiled, taking her by the hand and turning to the two canines that had yet to greet them.
“It’s nothing, really. Come on, I want to introduce you; Haewon, this is Hero. Hero, come say hello to Haewon!” Hero walked over slowly, suddenly feeling less excited than before. The woman cooed at him cutely, crouching down to look at him.
“Oh how cute! I have a Pomeranian and a Poodle at home. He’s so adorable!” She reached to scratch behind his ears. The other woman looked at Xiah curiously, and turned to Yoochun.
“Is he yours, oppa?” she asked sweetly. Yoochun grinned, bending down to pet his lovely dog.
“Of course, who else would this handsome guy belong to?” He smiled. “C’mon, you can pet him if you want.” She crouched down to do so, and Xiah tensed.
Hero! This female wants to touch me, how dare-what are you doing?! Xiah was stunned silent as Hero wagged his tail frantically, cuddling up to the girl. He stared in disbelief, unaware of the manicured fingers petting his head obnoxiously as well. HERO. How could you-
Shut up and play along! Hero said with a falsely cheerful bark, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. They won’t be easy to get rid of since one of them likes dogs. He tried not to become sick as the irritating woman continued to coo to him in baby talk, gushing about how lovely he was…as if he didn’t already know that. Xiah grumbled in agreement, pretending to like the way his fur was being mussed by the idiot handling him.
Yunho and Yoochun gently tugged the girls’ attentions away from their respective dogs, and led them to the living room to sit.
“Why don’t you ladies wait here while Yunho and I get something to eat and a few drinks,” Yoochun said with a wink, smiling as the women blushed in response and nodded. The two disappeared into the kitchen; their dogs watching them go with all senses alert.
Hero…
I know.
What’s the plan?
Listen…The two scooted close to each other, trading hushed yips and grumbles.
The silence grew between the two women sitting on the couch, until SungHee twisted around on the black leather, peering curiously over the edge. “Where did those cute doggies go-eek!” She jumped in surprised as a wet nose bumped against her thigh. Xiah looked up at her with adorable eyes, wagging his tail. “Oh, you scared me cutie.” She reached down to pet him.
“Aw, he likes you,” Haewon said kindly, smiling. Hero bounded up to her, rising up on his hind legs so that he could nuzzle her sweetly. She giggled, petting him on the head. Hero wagged his tail, throwing his full weight onto her. “Um, down boy, you’re too heavy for me.” She pushed against him gently. Hero refused to let up, pressing forward to lick at her face. “No, no, down boy.”
Xiah bared his teeth evilly and latched onto SungHee’s short skirt; biting gently onto the fabric. She let out a shriek, pushing Xiah away. The two dogs backed off, sitting back on their hind legs in an obedient position as Yoochun poked his head out of the kitchen doorway in concern.
“What’s going on?”
SungHee grabbed the edge of her skirt, frowning. “Your dog ruined my skirt! This is an expensive piece!” A blank look fell over Yoochun’s face for a moment, before he smiled apologetically.
“Ah, I’m sorry SungHee, Xiah isn’t a destructive dog. I’m sure your skirt is fine; he was only being playful and wanted your attention.” SungHee opened her mouth to comment, and Haewon placed a hand on her shoulder, halting her.
“He’s right, Xiah didn’t mean any harm I’m sure; he just likes you. My dogs have acted that way in the past.” SungHee nodded and Yoochun beamed, waving ‘goodbye’ as he disappeared back into the kitchen. Hero and Xiah stared, glancing at the door and then at Haewon.
Damn, she is a hard one.
Tell me about it.
Let’s hurry. Plan B.
Okay.
The waited patiently until they were their masters were busy, and then went into action. Xiah eagerly trotted up to SungHee again, sitting as close as possible to her legs. She eyed him warily, as she was already a bit distrustful after the skirt biting. It was perfect. He rose a hind leg to frantically scratch his neck, whining as if there were a hold mass of fleas in that very spot. SungHee tensed immediately, wincing at the thought of fleas.
“Shoo, doggie, shoo. Go scratch somewhere else,” she muttered, not wanting the other woman to hear. She’d already been a bit embarrassed; no need to let that dog lover make her look bad. She nudged Xiah discreetly with her foot. Haewon had found the remote and was avidly watching some interior design channel. Hero, who had disappeared for a spell, came in from the hallway quietly and walked up to the side she sat on.
Hero gave a soft whine to catch her attention, and she looked down to see him with a miniature football in his jaws and pleading eyes. It was obviously a sign of ‘play with me’. Unfortunately, Haewon was used to her dogs being quiet and pretty, trained less to play and with more manners befitting a show dog. She waved a finger to Hero.
“No, no, I can’t play with you now.” She gave him a pat on the head and went back to watching, unaware of SungHee’s growing discomfort behind her as Xiah began to scratch his other side furiously. There was a minute before a wet nose bumped against her arm, and she looked down again to see Hero still pleading. She pursed her lips. “No, I said. Be a good boy and go play somewhere else.” Turning back towards the TV, she smiled as a woman explained the details of designing a master bedroom for-abruptly her view was blocked as Hero stood on his hind legs, nearly shoving the toy in her face.
She recoiled in annoyance, frowning at the dog. Was he not trained? “I said ‘no’.” She pushed him away this time, and brushed off the silver strands of hair that she spotted on her sleeve. Not very well groomed either... Haewon picked carefully at the bits of hair, when suddenly a saliva ridden football dropped into her lap. Letting out an exclamation of surprised and disgust, she began to stand, only to gain a lapful of husky as a rough tongue was drug across her face. “Ugh! Get away!” she shrieked.
The boys came in at once, concern on their faces. Hero bolted on cue, running behind Yunho’s legs and ‘cowering’ at the big bad lady’s tone. “What’s going on in here?” Yoochun questioned, his gaze subconsciously going to his own dog who was sitting simply at SungHee’s feet; she her legs drawn up onto the couch for some reason now.
Yunho bent down to his dog’s level, tossing in his own curious glance Haewon’s way. She rubbed at her cheek with her sleeve, mildly glaring. “Your dog kept trying to give me…this thing.” She pushed the toy off the couch. “He’s too eager to play and wouldn’t listen.” Yunho sighed, ruffling his dog’s fur affectionately.
“I’m sorry about that. He’s never had a guest he liked so much; he’s just trying to show you his affection. Hero is usually well behaved.” Sunghee huffed, not fully accepting the excuse.
“That’s alright I guess.” He smiled at her. “Maybe you should just get him trained a little more.” She stood, wiping at her skirt with a handkerchief. There was a bit of silence before she heard Yunho’s curt reply.
“…Excuse me?” She looked up to see him frowning, one hand on Hero’s head. Was it her imagination or was that dog eyeing her just a bit too much? She shook her head.
“I’m just saying, it’s obvious he just needs a little more training. My dogs are fully trained and never-“
“I think I know how do raise my own dog, thank you Haewon.” Yunho said coldly. Yoochun gave a low whistle at the tone, deciding to stay out of this one.
Haewon put her hands on her hips. “Why are you taking that tone with me? I’m just giving an opinion! Hero is a nice dog but he needs more obedience around guests.”
“And flea baths!” SungHee’s voice piped from the side. The other three looked at her with eyebrows raised.
“What?”
SungHee flushed at the full attention, still drawn up onto her corner of the couch…as far away from Xiah as she could get. “I-It’s just that Xi-I mean I don’t know if Hero does but Xiah has fleas or something. Shouldn’t you make sure he’s clean if you’re going to keep him in the house?” A slender finger was pointed in the white dog’s direction. Xiah gave a cute bark and wagged his tail innocently.
Yoochun tried not to glare at the girl. “SungHee…Xiah doesn’t have fleas. He had his most recent personal treatment not two days ago. I keep my dog clean.” He spoke slowly. SungHee shook her head, still pointing at Xiah.
“No, no I saw him scratching really hard!” Everyone glanced at Xiah, who merely cocked his head in response and didn’t lift one paw to scratch. They looked back at her. “Really, he did! Haewon didn’t you see--”
“I don’t remember that, but it’s something that could easily be taken care of at the right pet care center. The one I take my beauties to is top notch.” Haewon replied. A hand grabbed hers to lead her away from the couch.
“Well, I believe that’s something you could both talk about on your cab ride home.” Yunho said curtly, dropping her hand and presenting her the door. Yoochun did the same with a protesting SungHee, who kept insisting that Xiah was riddled with fleas or maybe ticks. Haewon gaped at the two incredulously, and then glared.
“FINE, CHOOSE YOUR PRIDE AND DOGS OVER US.” She turned on her heel and stormed out; nostrils flaring in rage. SungHee followed in a teary huff, scratching at her arms and whining that she’d gotten something. Yoochun swung the door closed with a scoff.
“Of all the nerve…I thought they were nice girls, too.”
Yunho shook his head. “What can I say, it seems like any girl I date either isn’t a dog person, or they end up claiming that their dog is better than my own.” He looked back at their pair of companions, who had followed them tentatively to the door and now sat politely waiting. He smiled and gave his leg a pat, calling them over. Hero ran over happily, taking delight in being petted. “How can they think I’ll take them without you, huh?” The husky barked in reply.
Beats me, right Xiah?
The Eskimo dog was getting his own ears scratched by Yoochun; eyes closed in ecstasy. Yeah, right, whatever.
~====================~
The dark room was lit up by the gentle light of the plasma screen TV as a movie played. Yunho and Yoochun sat on the living room couch watching; empty dinner plates on the coffee table and each with their respective dog’s head lying in their lap as they lounged. Yoochun gave a yawn, absentmindedly stroking smooth white fur.
“Mmm, Yunho you don’t mind if we stay over, do you?” He stretched a little, not wanting to jostle a sleepy Xiah. His friend shook his head, eyes still glued to the movie.
“Not at all, you guys are welcome to spend the night. After all, I think Hero might have found a new best friend in Xiah. They’ve been getting along so well.” He looked down at his dog who was dozing peacefully.
Yoochun grinned. “Like owners, like dog. I never doubted they’d be friends.”
“Mm,” Yunho agreed with a smile. “That’s man’s best friend for you.”
~END~
OMAKE ENDING:
The constant beeping of an alarm was faintly heard from the bedroom; Yunho frowned in his sleep, turning his head and trying to shut out the sound that tried to awake him. A heavy hand whacked him in the arm, and there was shifting as the person beside him moved.
“Go turnat‘ff,” Yoochun mumbled. Oh right, he’d spent the night…he began to doze off again, intent on ignoring the alarm when he was whacked a second time.
“Alrigh’, alrigh’.” He grumbled, and tried to rise to his feet…keyword being ‘tried’. A heavy weight kept him down, and he frowned for a minute, too tired to even open his eyes fully. Weight?...Hero! Right, he’d slept with Hero resting on his lap. Ah well, he’d make up for waking him with a nice breakfast. “C’mon boy, let me get up.” He gave Hero a gentle pat on the back, only to meet smooth skin.
Wait, what? He poked the weight again, and it shifted. “Yoochun, get your leg off me or I wont get the alarm.” He rubbed at his eyes as he grew more coherent. There was a grumble next to him.
“’m not on you. You get off me.”
Yunho sighed, sitting up as he became fully alert. “Yoochun I’m not on-AHH!” He jolted in shock, staring at his lap.
That was NOT Yoochun. His friend may have had dark black hair, but it was not jet black and silky. Nor was he naked and lying on Yunho’s lap, sleeping peacefully. Were it not even for the ‘naked’ factor, he would have sworn that this was a girl. Certain bits proved that.
Yunho was frozen in his spot, too stunned to move. Yoochun groaned from where he lay, awakened by the yell. “What the hell man…” Yunho turned to look at his best friend, hoping that he could explain this.
“Yoochun what is going-ACK.” He cut off in mid sentence, staring. His friend gave a jaw cracking yawn, sitting up fully and rubbing his eyes. He turned to Yunho blinking.
“Hey what’s going-Yunho what the hell!” He cried, pointing to the naked form lying in the man’s lap. Yunho said nothing, and merely pointed to Yoochun. Confused, he glanced down and blanched.
There was a head of blond fluffy hair by his waist; attached to it was a naked body that clung to him with its arms around Yoochun’s waist. “GAH! What the--!” He jumped, jostling the sleeping male.
The guy slowly came to, blinking the sleep from his eyes and sitting up. As if on cue, the other strange male awoke, stretching out cutely and sitting up with a yawn. Yunho still sat frozen, unable to move. Yoochun didn’t have that problem however.
“Just who the hell are you guys?!” He glanced from one to the other. Jumping, the two males turned, and happened to catch sight of one another. There was a brief pause before the two bared their teeth and pointed.
“Who are you and what are you doing in my house!” The brunet seemed to growl.
“This is isn’t your house, it’s--!” The blond paused mid-sentence, and stared… “…Hero?”
The other male blinked. “…Xi…Xiah?” he asked in awe. Feeling a small weight around his neck, he reached up and felt a familiar chained collar with the plate of silver that had his name on it. Xiah stared at his now human paws-no, hands in a daze.
There was a choked attempt to speak at his left. “…X-Xiah…?” Yoochun spoke in disbelief. His dog? Yunho was now frozen and slack-jawed. This was Hero? There was no way…
“MASTER!” Xiah and Hero cried in unison, ‘glomping’ (for lack of a more perfect word) the two men on the couch. Yoochun, who had unfortunately scooted so far back that he was now sitting on top of the backrest, was sent sprawling backward onto the floor with an armful of naked male. Xiah threw his arms around his owner’s neck, breathing in the scent of his cologne that didn’t smell so odd in this form.
Yunho found himself unable to move and sporting a blush, as his… (once pet?)…er, the ‘male’ proceeded to hug the life out of him. Hero snuggled close, muttering on about a dream come true as he clung like a leech.
…It was going to be a long day.
=======================
Yes, I know. I’m working on everything and as I finish each one, I’m posting it. Don’t worry about the other due updates. ^ ^ Sorry I’ve been gone for so long. I hate when I can’t write. Hope you enjoyed this cracktastic-ness. The omake was just meant to be a funny ‘what if’ alternative ending and has no plans of being continued. However if anyone wants to take a crack at making it a bigger plot and chaptered or something, feel free XD