Fanfiction: Fourteen (Part III)
A/N:Thank you all for reading, comments are love and appreciated, but above all please enjoy the last part ^^
Merry Christmas everyone!
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Fourteen: Three
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Christmas #4
Christmas was never meant to be spent in the hospital.
“But then, when is it ever a nice time to be at a hospital,” Shinya thought to himself as he massaged his temples in a slow circular motion. “And they always seemed so bloody cold,” Shinya added that thought with a shiver as he pulled his coat around him closer.
“Did you say something Shinya?”
Shinya looked up when he heard Die’s tired voice, not realising that he had voiced his thought out loud. The drummer’s eyes softened when he saw Die holding out a steaming Styrofoam cup for him.
“Nothing Die, thanks,” Shinya said softly as he shook his head and took the coffee proffered to him. Taking a scalding sip, Shinya instinctively hunched his shoulders when he felt his bones start to ache from the cold.
“You think, Kyo is okay? I mean, Kaoru has been in there a while,” Die said quietly as he took the seat next to the younger man.
“I don’t know Die, honestly,” Shinya replied, his tiredness eased somewhat when he felt the warm liquid pool in his stomach, and from the latent heat coming off from Die who was wrapped in two-inch thick parka.
Kyo had teased Die mercilessly about his winter coat, telling him that he looked as if he was about to go traverse the Antarctic.
Kyo, who could barely talk now. They had been rehearsing when Kyo suddenly clutched his throat and starting coughing nonstop for some 10 minutes. It was why they were in the hospital days away from a concert.
Of course if the other members of Dir en grey were to be honest, they should have expected Kyo’s voice to give out at one point considering how hard he pushed it. The effect was at times terrifying, disturbing and yet captivating.
But it didn't mean that it made Shinya any less worried. Not about the future of the band, which is what the record executives were, fuck no. Kyo was his friend, and Shinya knew how much singing meant to him, it was his release, his medium to communicate, his livelihood.
“What if it’s bad Die?” Shinya suddenly spoke, startling Die somewhat.
“Shinya, I’m sure it’s not as bad as we think,” Die said, his reassurances sounding weak even to his ears.
“What if he can’t sing Die? To lose his voice…it would devastate him,” Shinya said, swallowing hard. Even as his own fears threatened to bubble up, Die clenched his jaw and firmly pushed it back.
“Shinya, we both know Kyo. We know he’s fighter and a tough little bastard to boot, you think he’s going to let something like bad vocal chords stop him?”
Shinya inhaled sharply when Die suddenly put his arm around him and drew him closer. The drummer found himself with a noseful of red hair as Die tightened his grip so that Shinya was resting his head on the guitarist’s broad shoulder.
“Knowing him, he would probably find some other way to do it. Probably paint a banner with dead animal blood or something like that, and creep the shit out of everyone.”
Die grinned when he felt vibrations spread through his body that told him that Shinya was chuckling.
“You are really such an idiot sometimes Die, and the things you say,” Shinya smiled into the glossy surface of the parka. But he couldn't understand why his heartbeat quickened at being so close to the redhead, or why he suddenly noticed how strong the line of his shoulders were or how he smelt like snow and pine.
Die however, knew why his own heart was racing as he felt his crush for the drummer grow and deepen. His throat suddenly felt tight and he had to swallow quickly to keep from coughing on the younger man.
“We will be fine Shinya,” he said, his words dry but strong. And without thinking, Die turned his head and dropped a kiss on the top of Shinya’s head. The contact was so brief, but it burned his lips for the longest time.
Christmas #9
“So this is how they spend Christmas outside Japan,” Shinya murmured as he pulled his collar closer. His cheeks were flushed pink from the frost in the air, but New York was just so beautiful in the winter, he didn't mind the cold.
Unlike Japan, here Christmas was an extremely big deal. It was hard not to be affected with Christmas spirit practically oozing from every street corner, the lights casting a soft glow over the entire city.
Here, unlike Japan, Christmas was not just for couples, rather for families. In a way however, it was hard to be surrounded by so many clusters of families when theirs were so far away.
“Well at least I have Die,” Shinya thought as he looked behind him fingering the pendant that hung around his neck. The one Die had given him so long ago, tarnished but still something he treasured greatly.
But Shinya’s brow furrowed in worry when he saw Die slumped on the couch with a perpetual twist of anger to his mouth holding a can of beer.
It had been a tough year for the band. After eight years together, it seemed that their close-knit family was falling apart.
Earlier in the year, he had a massive falling out with Kyo that lasted months, which made for awkward band meetings and practice sessions. Shinya couldn't even remember what the fight had been about, just ranting about to Die who had never seen the drummer so angry.
Kaoru and Toshiya had their own problems, their once solid relationship crumbling over the past few years so that the cacophony of their fights seemed like background noise to the rest of the band.
In the end, it was the move overseas that really saved them. It gave them new focus, a new goal, and truly opened their eyes. And on the road it boiled down to five of them in a strange country, so there was no choice but to rely on each other.
But, there were still problems. Kaoru and Toshiya were hardly on speaking terms any more, with Kaoru announcing that he was probably going to get married soon and Toshiya heatedly making out with his new girlfriend after lives.
And recently, Kaoru and Die had gotten into the mother of all fights, which explained the dark look that the guitarist was now sporting.
“Hey scooch over will you,” Shinya asked, sitting down on the couch when Die moved a couple inches to the left. The older man automatically lifted his arm to wrap around his lover, but the distracted look never left his face.
Tentatively clearing his throat, Shinya said, “We should go exploring Die. We have some time before the live.”
Die simply grunted and took another swig of his beer.
“Maybe, but I’m tired Shinya,” Die softened his harshness with a brush of lips to the drummer’s temple. A part of Shinya ached however, at what a stranger his boyfriend had become to him.
In a way Shinya felt like a drowning man, desperately trying to hold on to his life raft. But it seemed that no matter what he did, or what he tried, he couldn't stop Die and him from drifting further and further apart.
So much so that even while sitting next to him, Shinya never felt more alone.
Christmas #11
“I made a mistake, I want us to be together again.”
How long had Shinya wanted to hear those words from the guitarist? A year? Two?
How long had he dreamed of Die wanting to take him back, to hold him and tell him that he still loved him? After months of watching Die and Vanessa together, sickeningly happy, Shinya had wondered when the guitarist would wake up and realise what she was like.
And when he did, Shinya knew that deep down he would be willing to take him back.
But that was then, this was now.
Shinya wasn't the same person he was back then. In a way his breakup with Die had matured him in ways of hardening his heart. Of letting go of whimsical thoughts of love and instead settle for something solid.
Someone solid.
“When did you realise it was a mistake Die? Before or after she published all those pictures of you on her MySpace?” Shinya said scathingly, taking a glint of enjoyment from the flush of anger on Die’s cheeks.
Yes, Shinya certainly wasn't a shy soul any more, which surprised him in a way because he never knew that he could have a vindictive side.
But as quickly as it came, the anger faded from Die’s skin, which made Shinya’s heart prickle slightly from guilt.
“I deserve that,” Die said quietly. “After how I treated you, I do deserve that Shinya.”
Shinya sighed, he wasn't in the mood for this.
“Don’t be stupid Die,” Shinya said as he leaned against the recording table. He had been recording his parts for the album and was about to go home when Die had suddenly asked to be alone with him.
Shinya knew he should have said no, after all he was already late meeting his girlfriend. But no matter what shit they had been through, the drummer still found it hard to refuse to his former lover.
“You were right when you said that what we had couldn't last,” Shinya continued, his voice almost gentle even as the words stabbed Die in the heart.
“Our time has passed and although we had some good memories, in the end…we wouldn't have worked out. Too many obstacles,” Shinya said as he crossed his arms and looked at Die straight in the eye.
But Die just remained quiet, clenching and unclenching his fists. Shinya took his silence as an invitation to continue.
“We aren’t kids anymore Die. At one point we both have to grow up and consider a more stable future, which the both of us can’t give each other.”
Shinya gathered his things as he considered the conversation over. He was about to walk past Die when the guitarist grabbed him and kissed him desperately on the lips. The younger man gasped when he felt Die’s tongue against his mouth insistently, trying to get past his lips to deepen the kiss.
But Shinya felt nothing, which he knew was a clear indication that he had finally gotten rid of any residual feelings he might have had for the older man. The drummer took a step back, breaking the kiss and leaving
Die looking confused.
“I have to go Die. Ayako is waiting for me,” Shinya said softly, pushing Die away. But a part of him didn't dare look up as he hoisted his bag on his shoulder and kept walking towards the door.
Shinya knew what he had told Die about any relationship between them was right, and took comfort in that feeling as he closed the door behind him.
The feeling was even strong enough to make him ignore the small traitorous urge he had to run back to Die and hug him for all it was worth.
Christmas #13
Die’s knuckles hurt from rapping on the wooden door repeatedly. But he wasn't going to go away until he got an answer from the drummer, which he knew was on the other side.
“Shinya! Open up,” Die said, but he was struggling to catch his breath as he had run up the stairs to Shinya’s apartment two at a time. Knowing his luck, of course the lift hadn’t been working.
But Die was past caring about luck, all he knew was that he needed to see Shinya now.
“Shinya!”
Die felt a gush of air push him backwards as the door slammed open and there was Shinya, glaring at him.
“What the fuck is your problem Die! Are you trying to get my neighbours to hate me!?” Shinya said angry beyond belief. But Die could see the lines around Shinya’s mouth and the exhaustion in his eyes and fought the urge to gather him in his arms.
“I…I heard that you called it off with Ayako,” Die said quietly, his earlier fire gone. According to Kaoru,
Shinya had actually called it off about a month ago but had chosen to keep it quiet, especially from him.
Why, he had no idea, but after so many years of wanting and waiting, he wasn't going to let this opportunity slip by. And Kaoru, who had just recently reconnected with his own lover in the band, knew that Die’s love of Shinya had never truly flickered.
“So? What’s it to you Die?” Shinya said tiredly.
“What’s it to me is that…is that….”
But Die was suddenly at a loss for words and a part of him cursed for rushing up there without thinking it through. But then a thought struck him and it made him open his mouth again.
“Why didn't you tell me?” Die said, a little sadly. “Why did you tell Kaoru, and not me Shinya?”
Now it was Shinya’s turn to be at a loss for words, but not because he didn't know the reason, rather he didn't want to say it out loud.
“Because Die…because…”
Because he didn't want Die to know that he was right. Ayako was perfect and everything he ever wanted. But no matter how hard he tried to make it work, she never fit just right into his life, leaving him nursing an incompleteness he couldn't explain.
If he was honest with himself, what it had boiled down was that he had never been as happy with her, as he had been with Die.
However, Shinya would rather bite his tongue off at this point then confess that to the guitarist. Instead he just glared at him, but there was something within the fringes of the look that Shinya gave him that made Die’s heart lift a little in hope.
“Do you really want a rebound relationship with me Die?” Shinya finally said, cutting to the chase. They had known each other too long and too well to dance around this subject on tiptoed feet.
Die shook his head.
“I’m not here to start something right now Shinya. I’m here to tell you that I will be here for you when you are ready,” Die said softly.
Shinya looked at the guitarist clearly confused.
“Die? I don't understand.”
“Look, right now you are hurting and I don't want to take advantage of that. But I don’t want another year to pass by and have you find someone else and not give me a chance.”
Die stepped forward and took Shinya’s much smaller hands in his and exhaled slowly in relief when the younger man didn't pull away.
“I just want to be the first one in line when you feel you are ready to try again Shinya,” he finished, his voice soft but his gaze steady.
“I don't know Die, I really don't,” Shinya said, his true feelings finally coming to the surface. And he truly didn't know at this point what he wanted, but all he was aware of was how warm Die’s hands were.
“When I first asked you to be a relationship with me, I promised I would prove myself to you and I am a man of my word,” Die said, but couldn't stop himself from giving a slight shrug of his shoulders with that trademark grin on his face.
“Well, most of the time. I won’t try to leave without kissing you.”
“Die, you are impossible,” Shinya said, his laughter cut short when Die took one step closer to him.
Outside, it started to snow.
Christmas #14
“Die…”
“Shinya…baby…a little more.”
In a way it was surprising that despite all the kinky things they had done together, that the missionary position would get Shinya so hard.
But now flat on his back with one leg hooked over Die’s shoulder, Shinya could feel his lover’s cock move inside him, slowly, deliberately. He dug his nails into Die’s shoulders as the older man started to thrust faster.
“So good Die,” Shinya moaned his lover’s name as he felt Die’s movement stutter. But he wasn't ready to let him go just yet.
With surprising strength, Shinya flipped him over so that he was straddling his thighs. Die had to smile at how more sexually assertive his boyfriend had become, taking his pleasure more openly.
But Die threw back his head when Shinya clenched around his cock every time he slid back down. It only took another thrust before he came deep inside the drummer, a mere heartbeat before Shinya shuddered and orgasmed over Die’s stomach.
For a few minutes, it took all the both of them had to just breathe. However, Die soon reached up to pull Shinya closer for a kiss while tucking a lock of hair behind his ears.
“It’s sad to think that there will be not as much sex when the tour starts. Why are we working again on the holidays?” Die said as he tried to pout and failed miserably.
“Because it’s not a holiday Die, stop whining,” Shinya chastised as he got off the guitarist making him wince before reaching for his robe. As much as he loved the afterglow, he wanted to shower and sleep because he knew they had a long day tomorrow.
The floor was cold but instead of rushing for the bathroom, Shinya stopped to pick up the fallen lube from the floor, wanting as always to keep their apartment as neat as possible when a movement outside the window caught his eye.
“Look Die, more snow,” Shinya said, which caused Die to turn on his side to face the drummer. But as he looked at him, the snow made Die’s vision suddenly waver from snow blindness and suddenly he saw Shinya change.
Suddenly he saw Shinya as when he first knew him, all corkscrew copper curls against smooth pale skin. His mouth tinted red shaped in a small smile as his kohl rimmed brown eyes looked at him quizzically.
“Die?”
Die blinked and the vision was gone, revealing Shinya as he knew him now. There were more lines around his mouth and eyes, his blonde hair shorter and neater but there still was that quizzical look in his hazel eyes.
But the guitarist knew that a part of him would always see Shinya as the young boy who had captured his heart a decade ago. It nestled nicely within the part of him that loved the man standing before him.
“What are you staring at Die?” Shinya asked with a smile as he knelt next to the bed.
“You,” Die answered simply as he cupped Shinya’s face and pulled him in for a kiss.
It still surprised Shinya that after 14 years of knowing him, Die still didn't have to do much to make him catch his breath.
***
The End
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Merry Christmas everyone!
***
Fourteen: Three
***
Christmas #4
Christmas was never meant to be spent in the hospital.
“But then, when is it ever a nice time to be at a hospital,” Shinya thought to himself as he massaged his temples in a slow circular motion. “And they always seemed so bloody cold,” Shinya added that thought with a shiver as he pulled his coat around him closer.
“Did you say something Shinya?”
Shinya looked up when he heard Die’s tired voice, not realising that he had voiced his thought out loud. The drummer’s eyes softened when he saw Die holding out a steaming Styrofoam cup for him.
“Nothing Die, thanks,” Shinya said softly as he shook his head and took the coffee proffered to him. Taking a scalding sip, Shinya instinctively hunched his shoulders when he felt his bones start to ache from the cold.
“You think, Kyo is okay? I mean, Kaoru has been in there a while,” Die said quietly as he took the seat next to the younger man.
“I don’t know Die, honestly,” Shinya replied, his tiredness eased somewhat when he felt the warm liquid pool in his stomach, and from the latent heat coming off from Die who was wrapped in two-inch thick parka.
Kyo had teased Die mercilessly about his winter coat, telling him that he looked as if he was about to go traverse the Antarctic.
Kyo, who could barely talk now. They had been rehearsing when Kyo suddenly clutched his throat and starting coughing nonstop for some 10 minutes. It was why they were in the hospital days away from a concert.
Of course if the other members of Dir en grey were to be honest, they should have expected Kyo’s voice to give out at one point considering how hard he pushed it. The effect was at times terrifying, disturbing and yet captivating.
But it didn't mean that it made Shinya any less worried. Not about the future of the band, which is what the record executives were, fuck no. Kyo was his friend, and Shinya knew how much singing meant to him, it was his release, his medium to communicate, his livelihood.
“What if it’s bad Die?” Shinya suddenly spoke, startling Die somewhat.
“Shinya, I’m sure it’s not as bad as we think,” Die said, his reassurances sounding weak even to his ears.
“What if he can’t sing Die? To lose his voice…it would devastate him,” Shinya said, swallowing hard. Even as his own fears threatened to bubble up, Die clenched his jaw and firmly pushed it back.
“Shinya, we both know Kyo. We know he’s fighter and a tough little bastard to boot, you think he’s going to let something like bad vocal chords stop him?”
Shinya inhaled sharply when Die suddenly put his arm around him and drew him closer. The drummer found himself with a noseful of red hair as Die tightened his grip so that Shinya was resting his head on the guitarist’s broad shoulder.
“Knowing him, he would probably find some other way to do it. Probably paint a banner with dead animal blood or something like that, and creep the shit out of everyone.”
Die grinned when he felt vibrations spread through his body that told him that Shinya was chuckling.
“You are really such an idiot sometimes Die, and the things you say,” Shinya smiled into the glossy surface of the parka. But he couldn't understand why his heartbeat quickened at being so close to the redhead, or why he suddenly noticed how strong the line of his shoulders were or how he smelt like snow and pine.
Die however, knew why his own heart was racing as he felt his crush for the drummer grow and deepen. His throat suddenly felt tight and he had to swallow quickly to keep from coughing on the younger man.
“We will be fine Shinya,” he said, his words dry but strong. And without thinking, Die turned his head and dropped a kiss on the top of Shinya’s head. The contact was so brief, but it burned his lips for the longest time.
Christmas #9
“So this is how they spend Christmas outside Japan,” Shinya murmured as he pulled his collar closer. His cheeks were flushed pink from the frost in the air, but New York was just so beautiful in the winter, he didn't mind the cold.
Unlike Japan, here Christmas was an extremely big deal. It was hard not to be affected with Christmas spirit practically oozing from every street corner, the lights casting a soft glow over the entire city.
Here, unlike Japan, Christmas was not just for couples, rather for families. In a way however, it was hard to be surrounded by so many clusters of families when theirs were so far away.
“Well at least I have Die,” Shinya thought as he looked behind him fingering the pendant that hung around his neck. The one Die had given him so long ago, tarnished but still something he treasured greatly.
But Shinya’s brow furrowed in worry when he saw Die slumped on the couch with a perpetual twist of anger to his mouth holding a can of beer.
It had been a tough year for the band. After eight years together, it seemed that their close-knit family was falling apart.
Earlier in the year, he had a massive falling out with Kyo that lasted months, which made for awkward band meetings and practice sessions. Shinya couldn't even remember what the fight had been about, just ranting about to Die who had never seen the drummer so angry.
Kaoru and Toshiya had their own problems, their once solid relationship crumbling over the past few years so that the cacophony of their fights seemed like background noise to the rest of the band.
In the end, it was the move overseas that really saved them. It gave them new focus, a new goal, and truly opened their eyes. And on the road it boiled down to five of them in a strange country, so there was no choice but to rely on each other.
But, there were still problems. Kaoru and Toshiya were hardly on speaking terms any more, with Kaoru announcing that he was probably going to get married soon and Toshiya heatedly making out with his new girlfriend after lives.
And recently, Kaoru and Die had gotten into the mother of all fights, which explained the dark look that the guitarist was now sporting.
“Hey scooch over will you,” Shinya asked, sitting down on the couch when Die moved a couple inches to the left. The older man automatically lifted his arm to wrap around his lover, but the distracted look never left his face.
Tentatively clearing his throat, Shinya said, “We should go exploring Die. We have some time before the live.”
Die simply grunted and took another swig of his beer.
“Maybe, but I’m tired Shinya,” Die softened his harshness with a brush of lips to the drummer’s temple. A part of Shinya ached however, at what a stranger his boyfriend had become to him.
In a way Shinya felt like a drowning man, desperately trying to hold on to his life raft. But it seemed that no matter what he did, or what he tried, he couldn't stop Die and him from drifting further and further apart.
So much so that even while sitting next to him, Shinya never felt more alone.
Christmas #11
“I made a mistake, I want us to be together again.”
How long had Shinya wanted to hear those words from the guitarist? A year? Two?
How long had he dreamed of Die wanting to take him back, to hold him and tell him that he still loved him? After months of watching Die and Vanessa together, sickeningly happy, Shinya had wondered when the guitarist would wake up and realise what she was like.
And when he did, Shinya knew that deep down he would be willing to take him back.
But that was then, this was now.
Shinya wasn't the same person he was back then. In a way his breakup with Die had matured him in ways of hardening his heart. Of letting go of whimsical thoughts of love and instead settle for something solid.
Someone solid.
“When did you realise it was a mistake Die? Before or after she published all those pictures of you on her MySpace?” Shinya said scathingly, taking a glint of enjoyment from the flush of anger on Die’s cheeks.
Yes, Shinya certainly wasn't a shy soul any more, which surprised him in a way because he never knew that he could have a vindictive side.
But as quickly as it came, the anger faded from Die’s skin, which made Shinya’s heart prickle slightly from guilt.
“I deserve that,” Die said quietly. “After how I treated you, I do deserve that Shinya.”
Shinya sighed, he wasn't in the mood for this.
“Don’t be stupid Die,” Shinya said as he leaned against the recording table. He had been recording his parts for the album and was about to go home when Die had suddenly asked to be alone with him.
Shinya knew he should have said no, after all he was already late meeting his girlfriend. But no matter what shit they had been through, the drummer still found it hard to refuse to his former lover.
“You were right when you said that what we had couldn't last,” Shinya continued, his voice almost gentle even as the words stabbed Die in the heart.
“Our time has passed and although we had some good memories, in the end…we wouldn't have worked out. Too many obstacles,” Shinya said as he crossed his arms and looked at Die straight in the eye.
But Die just remained quiet, clenching and unclenching his fists. Shinya took his silence as an invitation to continue.
“We aren’t kids anymore Die. At one point we both have to grow up and consider a more stable future, which the both of us can’t give each other.”
Shinya gathered his things as he considered the conversation over. He was about to walk past Die when the guitarist grabbed him and kissed him desperately on the lips. The younger man gasped when he felt Die’s tongue against his mouth insistently, trying to get past his lips to deepen the kiss.
But Shinya felt nothing, which he knew was a clear indication that he had finally gotten rid of any residual feelings he might have had for the older man. The drummer took a step back, breaking the kiss and leaving
Die looking confused.
“I have to go Die. Ayako is waiting for me,” Shinya said softly, pushing Die away. But a part of him didn't dare look up as he hoisted his bag on his shoulder and kept walking towards the door.
Shinya knew what he had told Die about any relationship between them was right, and took comfort in that feeling as he closed the door behind him.
The feeling was even strong enough to make him ignore the small traitorous urge he had to run back to Die and hug him for all it was worth.
Christmas #13
Die’s knuckles hurt from rapping on the wooden door repeatedly. But he wasn't going to go away until he got an answer from the drummer, which he knew was on the other side.
“Shinya! Open up,” Die said, but he was struggling to catch his breath as he had run up the stairs to Shinya’s apartment two at a time. Knowing his luck, of course the lift hadn’t been working.
But Die was past caring about luck, all he knew was that he needed to see Shinya now.
“Shinya!”
Die felt a gush of air push him backwards as the door slammed open and there was Shinya, glaring at him.
“What the fuck is your problem Die! Are you trying to get my neighbours to hate me!?” Shinya said angry beyond belief. But Die could see the lines around Shinya’s mouth and the exhaustion in his eyes and fought the urge to gather him in his arms.
“I…I heard that you called it off with Ayako,” Die said quietly, his earlier fire gone. According to Kaoru,
Shinya had actually called it off about a month ago but had chosen to keep it quiet, especially from him.
Why, he had no idea, but after so many years of wanting and waiting, he wasn't going to let this opportunity slip by. And Kaoru, who had just recently reconnected with his own lover in the band, knew that Die’s love of Shinya had never truly flickered.
“So? What’s it to you Die?” Shinya said tiredly.
“What’s it to me is that…is that….”
But Die was suddenly at a loss for words and a part of him cursed for rushing up there without thinking it through. But then a thought struck him and it made him open his mouth again.
“Why didn't you tell me?” Die said, a little sadly. “Why did you tell Kaoru, and not me Shinya?”
Now it was Shinya’s turn to be at a loss for words, but not because he didn't know the reason, rather he didn't want to say it out loud.
“Because Die…because…”
Because he didn't want Die to know that he was right. Ayako was perfect and everything he ever wanted. But no matter how hard he tried to make it work, she never fit just right into his life, leaving him nursing an incompleteness he couldn't explain.
If he was honest with himself, what it had boiled down was that he had never been as happy with her, as he had been with Die.
However, Shinya would rather bite his tongue off at this point then confess that to the guitarist. Instead he just glared at him, but there was something within the fringes of the look that Shinya gave him that made Die’s heart lift a little in hope.
“Do you really want a rebound relationship with me Die?” Shinya finally said, cutting to the chase. They had known each other too long and too well to dance around this subject on tiptoed feet.
Die shook his head.
“I’m not here to start something right now Shinya. I’m here to tell you that I will be here for you when you are ready,” Die said softly.
Shinya looked at the guitarist clearly confused.
“Die? I don't understand.”
“Look, right now you are hurting and I don't want to take advantage of that. But I don’t want another year to pass by and have you find someone else and not give me a chance.”
Die stepped forward and took Shinya’s much smaller hands in his and exhaled slowly in relief when the younger man didn't pull away.
“I just want to be the first one in line when you feel you are ready to try again Shinya,” he finished, his voice soft but his gaze steady.
“I don't know Die, I really don't,” Shinya said, his true feelings finally coming to the surface. And he truly didn't know at this point what he wanted, but all he was aware of was how warm Die’s hands were.
“When I first asked you to be a relationship with me, I promised I would prove myself to you and I am a man of my word,” Die said, but couldn't stop himself from giving a slight shrug of his shoulders with that trademark grin on his face.
“Well, most of the time. I won’t try to leave without kissing you.”
“Die, you are impossible,” Shinya said, his laughter cut short when Die took one step closer to him.
Outside, it started to snow.
Christmas #14
“Die…”
“Shinya…baby…a little more.”
In a way it was surprising that despite all the kinky things they had done together, that the missionary position would get Shinya so hard.
But now flat on his back with one leg hooked over Die’s shoulder, Shinya could feel his lover’s cock move inside him, slowly, deliberately. He dug his nails into Die’s shoulders as the older man started to thrust faster.
“So good Die,” Shinya moaned his lover’s name as he felt Die’s movement stutter. But he wasn't ready to let him go just yet.
With surprising strength, Shinya flipped him over so that he was straddling his thighs. Die had to smile at how more sexually assertive his boyfriend had become, taking his pleasure more openly.
But Die threw back his head when Shinya clenched around his cock every time he slid back down. It only took another thrust before he came deep inside the drummer, a mere heartbeat before Shinya shuddered and orgasmed over Die’s stomach.
For a few minutes, it took all the both of them had to just breathe. However, Die soon reached up to pull Shinya closer for a kiss while tucking a lock of hair behind his ears.
“It’s sad to think that there will be not as much sex when the tour starts. Why are we working again on the holidays?” Die said as he tried to pout and failed miserably.
“Because it’s not a holiday Die, stop whining,” Shinya chastised as he got off the guitarist making him wince before reaching for his robe. As much as he loved the afterglow, he wanted to shower and sleep because he knew they had a long day tomorrow.
The floor was cold but instead of rushing for the bathroom, Shinya stopped to pick up the fallen lube from the floor, wanting as always to keep their apartment as neat as possible when a movement outside the window caught his eye.
“Look Die, more snow,” Shinya said, which caused Die to turn on his side to face the drummer. But as he looked at him, the snow made Die’s vision suddenly waver from snow blindness and suddenly he saw Shinya change.
Suddenly he saw Shinya as when he first knew him, all corkscrew copper curls against smooth pale skin. His mouth tinted red shaped in a small smile as his kohl rimmed brown eyes looked at him quizzically.
“Die?”
Die blinked and the vision was gone, revealing Shinya as he knew him now. There were more lines around his mouth and eyes, his blonde hair shorter and neater but there still was that quizzical look in his hazel eyes.
But the guitarist knew that a part of him would always see Shinya as the young boy who had captured his heart a decade ago. It nestled nicely within the part of him that loved the man standing before him.
“What are you staring at Die?” Shinya asked with a smile as he knelt next to the bed.
“You,” Die answered simply as he cupped Shinya’s face and pulled him in for a kiss.
It still surprised Shinya that after 14 years of knowing him, Die still didn't have to do much to make him catch his breath.
***
The End
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