THE ADVENTURES OF KRISTA ALLEN (Oneshot)
THE ADVENTURES OF KRISTA ALLEN
By: Lady Michaelis
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen (mentions of others)
Rating: R - NC17
Warnings: Sexual situations, cross dressing, public sex, foul language
Genre: Romance/Erotica/Humor
Summary: Krista, Tammy Jean, Brandi, Cassie; pretty maids all in a row.
Disclaimers: This is complete and utter crack. I’d like to thank Krista, Tammy Jean, Brandi and Cassie for their moral support. Also, I am putting the blame on my dear friend eirana_regan because this fic would not be here without her influence. I dedicate this in your honor; we WILL have our Tammy Jean Fanclub.
Read its companion ficlet ("The Adventures of Tammy Jean Ratliff") here.
ART BY va_bites
PODFIC BY diane_mckay here.
Kris Allen liked to think highly of his friends. They were all on the short side and had issues with their temper (except Cassidy, because he was like, the most Zen person in Kris’ universe), but they would each give an arm and a leg to protect Kris; and he would do the same for them. In all honesty, meeting Tommy Joe Ratliff, Brad Bell and Cassidy Haley made the move from Arkansas to Los Angeles worth the sacrifice.
Kris was a little bit in love with them-at least, most of the time.
“But lovelies, it’s Delta Theta Gamma!” Brad exclaimed dramatically, snatching the muffin from a pissed-off Tommy’s plate. “All the hot guys on this campus are members of that fraternity! I don’t want to spend my first year in college suffering from social suicide!”
“I don’t care,” Tommy growled, flipping his bleach blond bangs away from his face. “And give me back that muffin, you bitch. It’s the only thing edible in this fucking cafeteria.”
“Here, you can have half of mine,” Kris offered, slicing his own muffin in two before handing the other half to Tommy. “We can sneak down at midnight later if you want some more, so don’t be so grumpy.”
“When I die, you get everything,” Tommy said solemnly. “Brad gets nothing. I am not going to spend my college life watching him leer at the jocks; that would be social suicide for me.”
“Hey, I did your anthropology homework, Ratliff!” Brad stuck his tongue out playfully. “I don’t understand why no one in this group acknowledges my reputation as a straight-A student-though I might have gotten that A in general psychology because I gave Mister McGill a blowjob in the broom closet.”
“And this is when I say you’re kidding,” Cassidy smiled serenely. “We don’t want Kris and Tommy dropping their angels into their alphabet soup now, do we?”
“You always spoil my fun,” Brad pouted. “Even you don’t want to join the fraternity.”
“Cassidy Haley doesn’t do conformity,” Kris pointed out. “Joining a frat means conforming to the school’s unwritten social rules. Besides, you don’t need to meet boys; you’re dating the school’s best art student.”
“That is so true,” Brad purred happily, pressing a sloppy kiss to Cassidy’s cheek. “I love you, sugar.”
“I love you too, princess.”
“I want to vomit,” Tommy grumbled. “Get a room, you two.”
“What ate your satirical sense of humor, Tommy Joe?” Cassidy asked. “You were perfectly fine this morning. Did the members of the cheerleading squad try to shave your hair off again?”
“Don’t remind me,” Tommy grumbled, reaching for the open foil packet of Oreos on Kris’ tray. “But no, O’Connell’s brigade is out sick today, thank goodness. I feel like killing someone this afternoon because my collection of explosives was confiscated when Gokey and his group of goody-goodies conducted a dorm search shortly before lunch. I was going to set them off at the Halloween Hop next month in hopes of burning Katy O’Connell’s hair off.”
“Oh, right,” Brad rolled his eyes. “They confiscated my sex toys. That Gokey always ruins everyone’s fun; this whole thing happened just because he went mouthing off to Cowell like the pussy that he is. Johns and Carly now have to do six hours of community service a week because Gokey told Cowell that Johns was spending most nights in her dorm room. Fucking overzealous pussy.”
“He didn’t take anything from me,” Kris sighed. “But he likes to creep into our dorm room at various times of the day to lecture us. I can’t keep track of the number of times he told me to get a new best friend-he thinks Tommy’s a witch-and start dating girls instead of oogling guys.”
“The fucker caught Kris making eyes at Adam Lambert again in chemistry,” Tommy broke into a grin. “And don’t get me going because the pun is already killing me.”
“Oh honey, you need to talk to him!” Brad declared. “You can’t spend the rest of the semester staring at the back of his head while imagining his cock in your ass without saying a word to him; that’s just sad.”
“I do not think of those things, okay?” Kris sputtered, the color rising in his cheeks. “I just…I just think he’s cool, okay? He’s seriously talented and I wish I could sing like him. That’s it.”
“Pet, you lie,” Tommy scoffed. “I was right next to you when he turned in his seat and asked if you had an extra pen. You were so shocked that you ended up knocking half of his diet Coke into his lap.”
“And what happened after?” Cassidy arched an eyebrow.
“Kris bolted and went to the bathroom to hide,” Tommy replied, fighting off a rather fidgety Kris who seemed to be trying to kill him with a plastic spoon. “I had to sit out there and talk to him for the rest of the period before he finally decided it was okay to come out.”
“And I guess this is why Kris likes to hide behind the closest available person whenever Lambert passes us in the halls,” Brad sighed. “All the more reason for things not to end like this. Look, Lambert is a part of Delta Theta Gamma; he’s second-in-command, in fact. I think that attending the frat party would be a good chance for you to smooth things over with him. Come on, Kristopher; it’ll be fun.”
“I doubt he’d be interested in little plaid Kris Allen,” Kris mumbled into Tommy’s shoulder. “I know he’s into guys, but I’m sure I’m not his type. I mean, on the rare occasions that we do end up sharing space, he’s always smiling at Tommy.”
“That’s because you’re always hiding behind me, Allen,” Tommy scoffed. “He asks about me about you sometimes, you know? The poor dude is wondering if you hate him because you always seem to be avoiding him, which is actually quite true.”
“Having them meet at the party sounds like a good idea,” Cassidy remarked thoughtfully. “For one thing, it’s going to be hard for Kris to make an escape. However, we’re going to have a bit of a problem. Men who aren’t members of Delta Theta Gamma aren’t allowed in; only women are granted free entry. Unless one of us is a significant other or at least a plus one, we won’t be able to carry on with this plan.”
“Unless…” Brad looked thoughtful.
Kris groaned. When Brad got an idea, it was usually an outrageous one he didn’t want to be a part of.
“Spit it out, Bell,” Tommy threatened. “So I can kill you immediately.”
“It’s simple, really,” Brad smirked, obviously trying to keep his excitement levels to a minimum. “We’re pretty, we’re tiny, we’re slim-it wouldn’t be too hard to attend the party dressed as women.”
Tommy’s fork clattered onto the table. Kris had a feeling it was not going to end well at all.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“Maybe Brad’s forgotten about the whole cross-dressing shindig,” Tommy suggested hopefully, blowing at the drying polish on his fingertips. “The party’s tonight and we haven’t heard a peep from him in a week.”
“I’d be terrified if I were you,” Cassidy laughed. “Trust me; it’s much better to have Brad in your sight than out of it. His mysterious-or he likes to think of it that way-disappearance is the calm before the storm in most cases. When he comes back, you’d better be ready for an explosion of sorts.”
Kris rolled over onto his back, making himself comfortable by propping his head up on Cassidy’s bent knee. They were cramming for their last midterm exam in chemistry later that afternoon, and Kris was just about ready to throw in the towel already because he’d worked himself to the bone these last two weeks.
It would be miraculous if he lived to see next week.
“Helloooooooooooo, UCLA!”
Brad burst into the room, looking eerily delighted with himself. He was carrying a ridiculously large bunch of shopping bags, and Kris had a feeling he already knew what was in them.
“Tadaaaa!” Brad reached into one of the bags and tossed a bright pink thing at Tommy. “Just so you know, I totally had the time of my life shopping for all this.”
“…hair?” Tommy stared at him. “Long, curly bright pink hair? What the fuck, Brad?”
“It’s part of your costume, silly,” Brad said daintily, pressing a pair of what seemed to be the world’s shortest denim shorts into the bleach blond boy’s hands. “I got inspired by Katy Perry’s ‘California Gurls’ music video; they were showing it on the display plasma screens at the electronics store.”
“And Daisy Dukes?” Tommy gaped at him. “Are you trying to ruin my manhood for life?!”
“No, I’m making you look pretty!” Brad cackled. “Now, we just need one of Kris’ plaid shirts to complete your look. Krissifer, you won’t mind if I alter one of your three-hundred sixty-five plaid shirts, will you?”
Kris was still too shocked to protest. He watched helplessly as Brad pulled the first plaid shirt he saw-the red-and-blue one, which was totally Kris’ favorite-and went to town with it using a pair of shears.
“…oh my gosh,” he said weakly. “I won’t be able to wear that anymore, will I?”
“Actually, I won’t mind if you do,” Brad replied, snipping along the bottom of the shirt. “You should totally bare your midriff around campus; it’s very appropriate.”
“I am NOT baring my midriff in front of random strangers!” Tommy hollered. “I am not wearing this ridiculous wig or the Daisy Dukes, either!”
“Let me teach you a lesson in life, Tommy Joe,” Brad looked uncharacteristically solemn. “The men of Delta Theta Gamma have a lot of tricks up their sleeves. Seduce one of them, and you’ll be able to get your explosives back. When O’Connell goes hairless by the end of the school year, you’re going to be everyone’s new hero.”
“…cut it any higher and I’m not going to put it on.”
“Done!” Brad clapped his hands. “Oh, that cowboy hat is yours, too.”
“Jesus Christ,” Tommy mumbled, looking doomed. “I can’t believe I am doing this.”
“It’s for your dynamite collection, Tommy,” Cassidy chided him. “Besides, we’re all doing this for Kris. I don’t think any of us want to see him miserable for the rest of his college life.”
“Speaking of Kris, I totally had fun picking your outfit,” Brad reached into another shopping bag. “If Tommy’s the slutty California girl, then you’re the sexy hooker. Presenting…your hooker boots!”
Kris stared in disbelief at the three-inch heel leather boots that Brad unceremoniously tossed onto the bed. He had never worn heels in his life, and he doubted that he was going to be able to walk normally in skinny heels that looked like they could snap in half anytime.
“And here’s your corset and miniskirt,” Brad added, throwing more things onto Kris’ lap. “And finally, here’s that sexy mane of long brown hair that will bring all the boys’ milkshakes to your yard.”
“…I feel your pain,” Tommy mumbled, eyeing Kris’ boots warily. “You’ll need a lot of help walking in those, I’m sure. Suddenly, my Daisy Dukes don’t look too bad.”
“Don’t leave me alone, please?” Kris begged Tommy, burrowing his face into the blond’s neck. “I fear I may not make it home alive in this outfit.”
“Oh honey, no one’s going to leave you,” Brad declared pompously. “Besides, no one will dare come near you with me around! I have this awesome Gaga-like hat that reminds me of a sparkly hammerhead shark. People will be too busy trying to avoid it to sneak in a grope.”
“I made it for him,” Cassidy grinned. “It’s a hazard.”
“And what are you two going to wear?” Tommy asked. “Aside from the shark hat, I mean.”
“Oh, we have a few things lying around,” Brad giggled. “I’m totally going to go Gaga. Cassidy is going to look like his usual self, only with a top this time. We obviously can’t go around exposing our chests.”
“Well, I’m not stuffing mine,” Tommy huffed. “Girl Tommy is just going to be flat-chested.”
“We’re going to need names, though,” Cassidy said thoughtfully. “We may be freshmen, but we can’t go around using our real names; they may end up checking us out-and by this I’m not pertaining to the good kind of checking out.”
“Stop worrying, poppets,” Brad’s grin was mischievous and all-knowing. “I have this all planned out. I’ll be Brandi, Cass can be Cassie, Kris will be Krista and Tommy is Tammy Jean!”
“…Tammy Jean?” Tommy arched an eyebrow. “Why am I even friends with you?”
“Come on, babe,” Brad cajoled him. “Tammy Jean is the perfect name for a slutty California girl. Also, it was the closest I could get to Tommy Joe.”
“Tammy Jean will not like being Tammy Jean,” Tommy said icily. “But Tammy Jean will go to the party so Tommy Joe can get his explosives back.”
“And Tammy Jean can keep Krista company,” Kris muttered under his breath. “Or else Krista will plaster herself to the wall and literally behave like a wallflower.”
“But if Krista does that, Kris isn’t going to get Adam Lambert’s dick into his pants,” Brad pointed out. “Come on, guys; it’s going to be a lot of fun. We’re going to have interesting stories to tell after we graduate because of this. That aside, we’re doing it together; if someone gets into trouble, we all ditch.”
“Amen,” Cassidy agreed. “Kris? Tommy?”
“I’m game,” Tommy nodded. “Anything for my explosives-and our friendship.”
“So I won’t die a hermit and actually get two words out of my mouth in front of Adam, yes,” Kris laughed. “I’m in as long as you guys tell me when my skirt is riding up.”
“Oh snap!” Brad collapsed into a giggling fit. “I never thought I would hear you say that! Oh, this is going to be so much fun-erm, girls? Boys? I’m not too sure what to say now, my goodness!”
“Well, the fun comes with some pain,” Cassidy said dryly. “We’re going to have to wax all our leg hair off. This also merits a bikini wax for Kris because he’s going to be in a skirt.”
“…now I want to die,” Kris moaned, flopping face-first onto the bed. “I have a very low threshold to pain of the female kind, okay?”
“I’ll hold you tightly and rub your back,” Tommy offered. “And Brad can feed you gummy bears.”
“…can you pet my hair, too?” Kris opened one eye.
“It’s a done deal, baby.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Walking in Krista Allen’s shoes-figuratively and literally-was an eye-opening experience. After the waxing session-which had been seriously painful-Brad had put some makeup and nail polish on him, pronouncing Kris a ‘work of art’ as soon as he had finished.
He had been the recipient of many a dirty look as they made their way up to the abandoned house that the men of Delta Theta Gamma had claimed as their fortress. Still, his friends had made good of their promise to safeguard his chastity. Tommy liked making a show of stomping around in his clunky platform boots and Brad enjoyed shoving his monster of a hat in everyone’s faces.
“How on earth are we going to get past that guy?” Kris hissed, jerking his head in the direction of a tall, burly man guarding the front doors. “He looks like he means business.”
“I can step on his feet,” Tommy offered, twirling a lock of pink hair around his fingers. “My boots were made for stomping.”
“Oh, you idiots,” Brad sighed affectionately. “We’re ladies tonight; you have to show some class in dealing with these brutes. Here, let me handle this.”
“Won’t the hat poke his eye out?” Cassidy inquired mildly, trying to stifle a chuckle.
“Sigmund and I will be fine,” Brad said dramatically, fluffing his long blond wig-Kris swore he was poking fun at O’Connell-as he made his way up to the bouncer.
“…Sigmund?” Tommy mumbled in disbelief. “He named a hat Sigmund?”
“It’s Brad, what else can you expect?” Kris laughed, attempting to steady himself on his heels. “Gosh, I really hope I don’t trip and knock over a lamp or something.”
“Belles, we’re all clear now!” Brad sang out, waving at them. “Sarver and I here had a little talk, and he sees no reason for us not to join the party.”
Kris was amused at how smitten Michael Sarver seemed to be with Brad. The large man played as a fullback on the school’s football team and was rumored to be going out with a cheerleader named Tiffany. From the looks of things, Brad seemed to be doing a very good job of interrupting the typical football player-gets-it-on-with-cheerleader American dream.
“Thanks, Mike,” Brad purred, brushing his knuckles against Sarver’s arm. “When your shift is over, come find us so we can have a drink together. See you later, big guy.”
“Bitch, you have got it goin’ on,” Tommy cackled as soon as Sarver was out of earshot. “He bought your whole act without even batting an eyelash!”
“I’m an expert,” Brad simpered prettily. “Now, let’s go and have some fun.”
Kris had never seen so much people and alcohol in his entire life. The Delta Theta Gamma boys and their ladies (well, some came with other boys) flitted in and out of the main room like flies. Most were knocking back sickeningly colorful drinks without a care in the world, but others seemed to be doing things that could lead to the nasty right then and there.
“I am not going to have someone stick his hand into my Daisy Dukes,” Tommy muttered, sending a death glare in the direction of the frat boys leering at them. “For once, I am glad they’re tight enough.”
“Snarky Archies, ladies?” Cassidy popped back in-Kris had no idea when he disappeared-carrying a tray of bright blue drinks. “It’s a celebratory mix David Cook came up with; apparently, he fucked David Archuleta for the first time last night.”
“So they’re officially an item now?” Kris’ eyes widened in disbelief. “Last time I heard, he was with Kimberly Caldwell. Whatever happened to that relationship?”
“It crashed and burned,” Brad shrugged. “Caldwell wanted an open relationship; Cook didn’t. He met Archie at Carly’s birthday party and the rest is history.”
“And I’m sure you got all this by lingering near Cook’s locker while he was having a supposedly private conversation with someone,” Tommy snorted. “Typical you.”
“Hey, we wouldn’t be here right now if I didn’t dedicate my life to siphoning every bit of vital information I can get my hands on,” Brad grinned. “You need to be in on the gossip if you want to survive college. Also, gossip gets you boys. I have an endless amount of blackmail material for almost everyone in this room.”
“So, how about a run-down to keep us entertained?” Cassidy asked, reaching for another Snarky Archie. “I also need to know if my cognition skills are still at a normal level; this stuff is strong.”
“You see that blond tramp dirty-dancing with her fellow cheerleaders?” Brad gestured to the far end of the room. “That’s Kristy Lee Cook. Her boyfriend got her preggers last week, and she still hasn’t told him because she’s too dumb to know how to. Now, over there by the stage we have Casey James, everyone’s beloved Greek god. Word is that he’s having an affair with Professor DioGuardi in order to get a loan on his tuition. Just a little bit to your right is Cale Mills, the alpha male of Delta Theta Gamma and one of the school’s most sought out gentlemen. Rumor has it that he’s cheating on his longtime girlfriend Kate Barbers by fucking male strippers at one of the local gay bars every Friday of the week.”
“…you get all this by standing near their lockers?” Tommy looked slightly impressed.
“It’s the way of the Brandi, Tammy,” Brad giggled. “Oh, look! Some of the DTG members are looking this way; come, let’s go say hi.”
“…no way in hell,” Tommy scowled. “I’m going to stay right here in the corner, thank you very much. Those dimwits look too drunk to be able to help me find my explosives.”
“I’m staying with Tammy,” Kris announced, tucking himself into Tommy’s side. “Everyone’s been giving me creepy eyes for the past few minutes; it’s seriously getting scary. Besides, I don’t see Adam anywhere around this area.”
“I almost forgot you had an agenda,” Brad smirked, pressing a kiss to Kris’ cheek. “Be careful, Krista; there are monsters everywhere. You’ll protect her, won’t you, Tammy Jean?”
“Say that name one more time and I’m going to choke the nearest living creature to death,” Tommy growled in a very unladylike manner. “If something happens, I’m getting Krista out of here.”
“Noted,” Cassidy smiled. “See you later, girls. Good luck, Krista.”
“…I’m scared,” Kris mumbled. “I think I may be getting used to being called Krista.”
“I can’t say the same for me, pet,” Tommy rolled his eyes. “I despise this Tammy Jean character; I’m only allowing myself to partake in this crap because explosives are so fucking hard to come by.”
“Your scary face is working, though,” Kris pointed out. “The boys are staying away from us. It’s just so weird that I can’t find Adam; he always sticks out in a crowd.”
“Well, this old mansion is a pretty big place,” Tommy shrugged. “He might be in one of the other rooms. Want to go take a look around? The other rooms may be safer.”
Kris nodded in agreement and slipped his hand into Tommy’s, allowing his currently pink-haired best friend to navigate them through the crowded room. Most of the men they passed sent heated stares their way; some even managed a few gropes before Tommy bared his fangs at them like a wild animal. Kris squeezed his eyes shut and pressed closer to Tommy, wanting nothing more than to go home.
“What do you want, you fucktard?”
Tommy had stopped walking, clutching Kris’ hand in a death grip. Some guy in a fedora had blocked their path, openly leering at Kris. Tommy was obviously ready to go to war; this was going to get ugly.
“Not you, that’s for sure,” fedora boy said in an annoying, nasal tone. “I would like to get to know your pretty friend better, though.”
“No way in hell are you laying a finger on her,” Tommy scowled. “Her boyfriend’s not going to be very happy when he finds out you’re staking claims on his property.”
Kris’ head was spinning. He had a boyfriend now?
“I bet he’s not cool enough to match up to me,” fedora boy smirked. “After all, who wouldn’t want to date me? I’m the one and only-”
“Picking up my girl, Giraud?”
Kris gasped in surprise as a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around him, protecting him from the creepy fedora boy and his terrible pick-up lines.
“…Lambert?” fedora boy gawped. “Since when do you do girls?”
“I do whatever gender I please,” Adam Lambert replied candidly, pressing a kiss to Kris’ forehead. “Just because I don’t usually go for vagina on the menu doesn’t mean I rule it out completely. Now, if you go back to where you came from, no one’s going to get hurt.”
“Oh, what are the odds,” Tommy said softly, eyes glinting with mischief. “I’ll see you later, Krista darling; Tammy Jean still has to find out who stole her dynamite.”
“That’s one interesting friend you’ve got, missy,” Adam laughed, his breath tickling Kris’ ear. “I’m sorry if I scared you; Giraud is just bad news.”
Kris was too scared to breathe. Tommy had gone off somewhere, leaving him alone.
Well, he wasn’t exactly alone.
He was just alone with Adam Lambert-which was half-exhilarating and half-terrifying.
“Oh crap, are you okay?” Adam sounded panicked. “Oh my god, I think I broke you!”
“No, you didn’t,” Kris laughed shakily, keeping in mind that he had to sound more delicate than usual. “I just wasn’t expected to be saved by the Adam Lambert, that’s all.”
It was probably the right thing to say; the grin that lit up Adam’s face at the sound of Kris’ words was the most beautiful thing the poor smitten boy had ever seen.
“I’ve never been someone’s superhero before,” he said earnestly. “You’re not a pretty Southern twink, but I’ll guess you can be my Lois Lane for tonight.”
“Don’t you wish I had a boy twin?” Kris giggled, unable to contain his excitement.
“That would be terrific, but that’s not what’s important right now,” Adam grinned. “Come on, let’s move upstairs and have a few drinks there; you’re with me, so you’re going to be fine.”
Kris felt himself blush to the roots of his wig when Adam took his hand and escorted him past a dark-skinned young man towards the direction of the carpeted staircase. Unlike the downstairs area, the upstairs was pretty empty with the exception of a few couples tangled around each other on sofas and easy chairs.
“Despite the occasional screwing, it’s a lot tamer up here than down below,” Adam explained. “Think of the upstairs stairwell as a VIP-only access area; non-members of the fraternity won’t be able to get past Anoop. Giraud won’t be able to get to you up here, in case you’re wondering.”
“That’s a relief,” Kris flushed. “Uhm, I’m Krista, by the way. Krista Allen.”
“Nice to meet you, sweetie,” Adam grinned. “It’s interesting to meet someone so shy on the inside when she’s dressed in a pair of hooker boots.”
Kris groaned inwardly. His outfit screamed ‘slut’; how could he blame all the men downstairs-and maybe even Adam-for thinking otherwise?
“They’re gorgeous boots, though,” Adam remarked, running a finger down the leather, making Kris shiver a little. “It’s hard to come across such soft, well-worn leather. Where did you get these? Not that I’d wear them, of course; I prefer my boots a little more on the manly side.”
“My friend Brandi bought them for me,” Kris laughed, feeling his internal tension dissipate. “She just marched into my room this morning and put this outfit together for me. Believe me when I say I don’t usually dress like this.”
“Perfectly believable,” Adam winked. “Anyway, you must be in your first year; I’m quite familiar with the female population of this campus because they’re either part of my frat brothers’ one-night-stand collections or subscribers to my weekly fashion newsletter.”
“…you’re serious?”
“I am!” Adam laughed. “Honey, I’m probably this university’s biggest flaming queer.”
“So I’ve heard,” Kris ducked his head, attempting to stifle a giggle. “My friend Brandi is a gossip monger; she knows everything about everybody. She may or may not have told me a few things about you.”
“All good things, I hope,” Adam chuckled jovially. “I may be a bit of a manwhore, but I certainly haven’t plowed through and knocked up any girl in this school.”
“I don’t think you would,” Kris said warmly, melting under Adam’s tender gaze. “You seem like a very nice person to me, Mister Lambert. I think that-”
He never got to tell Adam what he was thinking, though. Ruggedly-handsome David Cook and his young beau David Archuleta stumbled out into the hallway, hair rumpled and clothes disheveled.
Kris pretended he didn’t see Cook pull his hand out of Archuleta’s jeans.
“Took you long enough,” Adam said with a smirk. “Had fun, Archie?”
“…oh my gosh!” Archuleta groaned, burying his face into Cook’s chest. “You told me that no one was going to see us, Cook!”
“It’s just Lambert, babycakes,” Cook grinned, pressing a kiss into the boy’s messy hair. “He’s not going to run around teasing you just because he gets a kick out of it…right, Adam?”
“Fag’s honor,” Adam responded, raising his hands up as a sign of innocence. “I was just having a nice conversation with Krista here.”
“…did you have too much to drink?” Cook frowned. “You don’t usually bring girls up here.”
“Hey, I need friends too, you know,” Adam declared. “Just because everyone else is thrashing about downstairs doesn’t mean I’m going to join them and look for someone to fuck.”
“Logical enough,” Cook grinned. “Hi, I’m David Cook. This is my doll of a boyfriend, David Archie.”
“Krista Allen,” Kris shook Cook’s pre-offered hand. “It’s very nice to meet the both of you.”
“You guys want a drink?” Cook asked, gesturing to the bar. “I made a large batch of my Snarky Archies just for tonight; feel free to drink yourselves into oblivion. Arch and I are heading to the convenience store to pick up a few things; we’re all out of shampoo.”
“Have fun, bitches,” Adam announced, bringing two pitchers of Snarky Archie over to their table. “I may just begin to live on this junk, Cook; it really gets me in the head.”
“Good to know I’ve contributed some good to your life,” Cook grinned wolfishly before tugging Archie to join him. “Later, kids; behave yourselves.”
“It won’t take much to knock me out, though,” Kris said jokingly, trying to be mindful of his gestures. “I already had a couple of shots downstairs, and I feel a little light-headed.”
“It’s the good kind of light-headed, yes?” Adam flashed him a grin. “If you know how to pace yourself when drinking, you’ll end up feeling happy and tingly all over instead of getting up with a hangover. I drank shot after shot after shot during my frat initiation, and I ended up vomiting all over the place and waking up wanting to die. I promised myself never to end up that trashed again.”
“And did you end up keeping that promise?”
“Well, most of the time, I do,” Adam laughed. “Most of my bros here are worse drunks than I am, so I try to stay within my limits just in case someone needs to do take-home duty.”
Kris shot the Delta Theta Gamma member a shy smile over the rim of his shot glass before downing its contents in one gulp. Apparently, the Snarky Archies were working some kind of magic on him. His confidence levels had grown in leaps and bounds since he’d begun to down his shots; that thrilled and terrified him at the same time. From across the small table, Adam was studying him with what seemed like interest and a little trepidation-probably because girls had never been his thing.
It was seriously endearing. If this was the only shot Kris had at Adam’s heart (or maybe his dick; Kris wasn’t exactly ready to fall in love yet), he was sure as hell going to take it.
“Have you uhm, ever slept with a girl before?” he asked softly.
“…well, I didn’t exactly sleep with her,” Adam looked thoughtful. “But I did go down on her-that was my first ever sexual experience, goddamnit. In a way, it kind of helped me find out that I preferred dick over vagina; I felt odd having oral sex with a girl. Still, that doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen again.”
“Is it the bi-curiosity kicking in?”
“I wouldn’t say I’m bi-curious,” Adam shrugged, leaning closer. “Hotness is the winning factor in my case. If I find you beautiful, I may just take you to bed with me.”
Kris felt his heart beat double time when Adam brushed his knuckles over his cheek. The gesture was innocent yet invitational in nature. Adam’s gaze was questioning and thoughtful-perhaps waiting for a response from Kris to indicate whether he was going to go with it or against it. He allowed his eyelids to flutter close, nuzzling the knuckles splayed across his cheek.
“…so, is this okay?” Adam asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “I mean, it’s not going to be serious or anything; you’re just so, so beautiful, baby…”
“…yeah,” Kris bit his lip. “It’s okay.”
“Good, good,” Adam murmured, pulling him forward to guide him out of his chair. “Come here, baby; on my lap…ah, there you go. God, you are so fucking beautiful.”
Kris exhaled sharply, body reacting quickly as Adam’s hands roamed over his back and the exposed skin below the skirt. He was desperate to lose the costume, but the deception would probably crush Adam and Kris could bid his hopes of physical contact with the man goodbye. If and when things would begin to get out of hand, he would tear himself away from Adam and make up some excuse about having to go.
Then they could go back to their lifestyle of simply passing each other in the corridor.
“Can I…can I kiss you?” Adam asked, reaching up to thumb at Kris’ lower lip with one gloved hand. “God, I’m no stranger to one-night stands, but I’ve never had one with a lady before.”
Kris whimpered. He pressed closer to Adam, looping his arms around the upperclassman’s neck and pressing their foreheads together. Their breaths came in harsh pants, sharing commingling heat.
“…okay.” The words left his mouth like a betrayal.
Adam made a strange noise. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but shook his head and smiled ruefully. Before Kris could ask any other question, Adam pressed a palm against the back of his neck, crushing their lips together. It was a gentle kiss; nothing more than a slip-slide of lips against each other. Kris could practically taste Adam’s hesitation-it touched him and terrified him. He could tell Adam wanted this to be good for him. And what was Kris doing? Here he was, straddling Adam Lambert like a whore and making him believe that he was a girl named Krista.
He felt revolting.
“…I can’t do this,” he said quickly, extricating himself from Adam’s embrace. “I can’t lie to you when you’re being so kind to me.”
“Lie to me?” Adam queried, confused. “What are you talking about, honey?”
Kris took a deep breath. There was no backing out now.
“…I’m not who I told you I was,” he muttered, cheeks flushed in shame as he pulled off his wig and threw his jacket onto the floor. “You can say I’m someone else.”
“…of course,” Adam whispered, his expression inscrutable. “Kris Allen. Krista Allen. Why was I unable to make sense of it earlier?”
“You, uhm, know me…?” Kris ducked his head, refusing to meet Adam’s gaze.
“Know you?” Adam laughed softly. “Of course I do. You sit behind me in chemistry class; how can I not commit such a cute face to memory? But every time I tried to talk to you, you’d hide behind Ratliff or just run away. I was beginning to wonder if you hated me or something.”
“I spilled soda on your really expensive jeans!” Kris felt a surge of panic rise in him. “How could I face you after that? It was a sure way to get my ass kicked around in school.”
“Honey, it’s alright,” Adam rose from his seat to grip Kris’ shoulders, steadying him. “They’re just jeans, okay? Easily washable. Boys like you, on the other hand, are hard to find.”
“You’re not mad at me?” Kris asked hopefully. “Even if I had Brad-he’s Brandi-dress me up like a girl just so we could sneak past Sarver and get in?”
“That’s a clever move, actually,” Adam grinned. “And uh, excuse me for being presumptuous, but I’d be delighted if you went through the trouble of sneaking in to look for me or something. I’ve always liked you, Kris Allen; you’re a delightful, pretty, witty little thing.”
“…you’re kind of right about that,” Kris mumbled sheepishly. “My friends were afraid I was going to die a virgin, so they had me do this. I was kind of hoping I would run into you.”
“And you did,” a predatory smile graced Adam’s face. “What kind of a man would I be if I didn’t honor your friends’ wishes after putting in such a valiant effort to get you here?”
He backed Kris against the wall, latching onto his mouth with fevered lust. Kris sighed and allowed his lips to part, giving Adam the permission to slip his tongue in. The fraternity boy was a greedy kisser. He made sure Kris knew who owned him--
Kris certainly did-as he ran his tongue over every ridge and curve in Kris’ mouth, claiming the Southern boy as his own. Kris whimpered in response as he chased Adam’s tongue, rutting shamelessly against the upperclassman. Adam’s dick was rock hard against his belly, and all he wanted to do was sink to his knees in that goddamn skirt and suck it like a lollipop.
Adam beat him to it, though.
“Let’s see what we have down here,” he said with a smirk, dropping down to a kneeling position; face level with Kris’ crotch. “I bet you were having such a hard time hiding your cock in this tiny thing.”
Adam slid the zipper down without preamble, letting the skirt pool at Kris’ feet in a tiny heap of leather.
“Jesus Christ,” he said affectionately, admiring the view of Kris’ straining cock against the flimsy lace of the thong. “Girl’s underwear and a full-on body wax? I need to send Brad-sans-Brandi a fruit basket.”
Kris bit back a moan as Adam licked a long stripe up his cock through the lace. He was leaning against a wall in a rather open hallway with his skirt pooling at his ankles and the hottest man alive mouthing at his cock. It made him feel sort of liberated; he felt like a good girl (or boy) gone bad.
“Adam, please…”
“Not yet, baby,” Adam purred, giving Kris’ cock one last kiss before rising to his feet. “I want you to take all your clothes off-except the hooker boots; they stay.”
Kris hastened to obey, eyes occasionally darting around the hall to see if there were any passers-by. Judging from the noises coming from the first floor, the party was still in full swing. He snuck a look at Adam, who was leisurely unbuttoning his black silk shirt (he did have freckles and pierced nipples; Kris wanted to die of lust) while raking his gaze over Kris’ naked form.
“You’re beautiful,” Adam hummed his approval, plopping back onto the chair he had been occupying a moment ago, legs spread in invitation.
Kris knew exactly what that meant. He went over to Adam and dropped to his knees between the Delta Theta Gamma member’s legs, trembling hands hastening to undo his belt buckle. His eyes enjoyed betraying him, though; they strayed from the task at hand to Adam’s chest from time to time. Kris couldn’t help it; the tight shirts Adam wore made Kris curious about the nipple rings.
“You can touch them if you want to, you know,” Adam chuckled, reaching down to tweak one of Kris’ own peaked nipples. “I’ve had them for a week; they hurt like shit for awhile.”
“…uhm, does it hurt when I do this?”
Kris pushed himself up a little, anchoring himself by resting his forearms on Adam’s thighs. He circled one nipple with his tongue, intrigued at the tangy metallic taste of the tiny barbell that pierced it. Adam groaned happily, running his hand down Kris’ back to cup his ass, squeezing the firm cheeks with fervor.
“Nope, not at all, baby. We could get yours pierced too, if you like…mmmm, that’s it; be a good boy for me. Or I could tattoo my name on your ass and they’d all know you belong to me.”
Kris hummed happily, still busy laving at Adam’s nipples with his tongue. He honestly wouldn’t mind his own set of nipple piercings or a tattoo of Adam’s name on his ass.
Or maybe both.
After pressing one last kiss to each of Adam’s nipples, he moved back to his original position, making quick work of Adam’s fly as soon as he managed to get the annoying belt buckle (why were some clothes so complicated, anyway?) out of his way. He may or may not have ogled for a minute because Adam had gone commando and the famous Lambert cock was right there, obviously happy to see him.
“…guuuuuuuh.” He was at a loss for words.
“Thank you, I guess,” Adam ducked his head, shooting Kris an impish, child-like grin. “The glambulge-it’s the nickname they gave my penis in biology class-is looking forward to getting acquainted with you.”
How could someone be so sexy and cute at the same time? Kris wanted to trap himself in Adamland and never leave.
“…I’m trying not to freak out here, just so you know,” he blurted out, tracing invisible lines on Adam’s cock with shaky fingers. “It’s just…wow. Everything I ever dreamed of and more.”
“What are you?” Adam asked breathlessly, probing at Kris’ entrance with questing fingers. “You’re so fucking adorable that it’s unreal.”
Face red from the endearments, Kris bent down and experimentally licked around the head of Adam’s cock, trying to comprehend the somewhat salty, somewhat bitter taste of pre-come. He had never sucked dick in his entire life-except for that one time when he and Tommy had gotten too drunk and ended up going down on each other-but Tommy wasn’t as big as Adam and sloppiness was excusable because they were as drunk as hell. This time, Kris was aiming to please; he needed to get this right.
“We’re not in biology class, Kristopher,” Adam teased him. “I can practically hear the gears turning in your head. Don’t overthink; just go for what you think feels good.”
Kris curled his fist around the base of Adam’s dick, relishing the low moan the gesture elicited from the older man. He folded his lips over his teeth (Tommy taught him that; Kris was so going to get him that My Little Pony plushie for his birthday) and fit his mouth over Adam’s cock, sliding forward slowly until he felt the head hit the back of his throat.
“Oh, fuuuuuuuuuuck…” Adam hissed. “Are you fucking kidding me? At this rate, we can totally teach you how to deepthroat. Babe, you were made to suck cock.”
Kris was determined to make up for his lack of technique with enthusiasm. He braced himself by gripping Adam’s thigh and began to bob his head up and down, tongue occasionally darting out to lick along the smooth, hard flesh. Adam’s hands moved from his ass to his face, holding Kris as he steadily fucked his mouth. The older man tugged on Kris’ hair as a warning sign that he was about to come, but being the stubborn, naïve little creature that he was, Kris was determined to swallow.
And when Adam finally came, that was exactly what he did.
“…fuck you, Kristopher Allen,” Adam groaned, panting heavily. “That mouth of yours is going to be the death of me. Well, it’s time to turn the tables a little. I would love to fuck you nice and slow in my bed for your first time, but I am so fucking far gone that I just have to ask you to bed over this table.”
Kris did as he was told, feeling a little embarrassed with his ass in the air and exposed for the entire world to see. Behind him, Adam was digging into the pockets of his impossibly tight jeans, hooting in triumph when he managed to produce a condom and a packet of lube.
“It never hurts to be prepared,” he winked, sending a delicious tremor down Kris’ spine. “I wasn’t counting on getting some ass tonight, but you just traipsed into my life in your lace thong and hooker boots.”
Kris heard Adam tear the foil wrapper open, humming cheerfully to himself as he coated his fingers with it. When he was satisfied, he knelt on the plush carpeting, spreading Kris’ cheeks carefully for a look-see.
“You have a very, very pretty hole, baby,” he crooned, tracing the rim of Kris’ ass with one finger. “It’s pale, pink, quivering, and so very, very pretty. Have you ever touched yourself down here?”
“Once or twice, yeah,” Kris bit back a moan. “And uhm, I let my friend Tommy eat me out one time. We uhhh, finger each other, too.”
“Good god,” Adam chuckled softly, allowing the tip of his index finger to slide into Kris. “Where do they make twinks like you? I should have asked Santa for you years and years ago.”
Kris moaned at the sensation. Adam’s hands were big and warm, and his fingers were much thicker than Tommy’s. Slowly, Adam eased his finger in and out, trying to get Kris used to the sensation. Kris whimpered greedily when a second finger joined the first, moving inside him with gentle scissoring motions, opening him up for Adam’s cock. Adam hummed thoughtfully, and then drove in deeper, hooking his fingers against that part of Kris that made him see stars.
“Nnnngggh, do that again, Adam…” he gasped. “Please; it felt sooooo good!”
“You mean this?” Adam asked breathlessly, pressing in with three fingers this time. “It’s your prostate, baby; and pretty soon, I’m going to be hitting it again and again with my cock.”
“I want you inside me,” Kris begged, shamelessly fucking himself on Adam’s fingers. “I want you to fill me up with that big, thick cock of yours that I’ve had many a daydream about.”
“You’re such a whore, Kristopher,” Adam growled, tugging his hair up to tilt his face for a strange upside-down kiss. “You must have horrible concentration capacity in chemistry class if all you do is squirm in your seat and think about my cock filling you up. That’s what you think about, don’t you? You’d want me to bend you over like this in the chemistry lab and fuck you in front of the class.”
“Yes!” Kris cried, spreading his legs even wider. “I want that so bad. Oh god, Adam; fuck me, please!”
“Patience, baby,” Adam withdrew his fingers, leaving Kris feeling empty and incomplete. “Gotta get the condom on first; I don’t want to get you into any trouble…”
Kris wiggled his ass impatiently, waiting for that painful, pleasurable burn that would course through him when Adam finally entered him. He moaned when the felt the sharp sting of Adam’s palm on his ass, probably a means of chastising him for being so demanding.
“Be a good boy for me, baby,” Adam whispered in his ear, rubbing the head of his cock against Kris’ entrance. “You have to breathe, okay? And don’t clench up until I’m inside you.”
Kris nodded, mouth falling open as Adam made it past the first ring of muscle. It hurt like hell, but it hurt so good; it was the burn he’d been waiting for all his life. He was tempted to push back and fuck himself on Adam’s cock, but Adam had his hips in a bruising grip, intent on holding Kris still until he was fully inside him. The stretch felt amazing; the pleasure escalating to insane levels as Adam pushed into Kris, filling him up inch by agonizing inch.
“Breathe, baby,” Adam murmured into his ear. “I’m almost home.”
Kris felt the life leave him when Adam’s pelvis was finally flush against his ass. He felt unbelievably full. How he managed to live twenty years without knowing this feeling was beyond him.
“Move, Adam,” he whined. “I really can’t wait any longer…”
“Oh, you impatient slut,” Adam chastised him, bringing his hand down on Kris’ ass in a spanking motion. “But Jesus Christ, you are so fucking tight…”
Kris bit his lip, grinning a little as he clenched his anal muscles around Adam’s cock. Two could play at the teasing game. He had ammunition thanks to Brad’s constant meddling in his sex life.
“…fuck you, Kris Allen,” Adam growled, pulling all the way out, leaving Kris whimpering. “As much as I love the tease in you, tonight’s objective is for both of us to be able to get off.”
He drove back in, filling Kris completely in one single thrust. Kris moaned with delight, rocking back against Adam, meeting him thrust for thrust. The words dribbled from his mouth in a nonsensical garble, words like ‘more’, ‘Adam’ and ‘fuck’ turning into his litany. He could barely hold himself up now; Adam’s hands on his hips were the only things that kept him from slumping gracelessly to the floor. His body was slick with sweat and vodka, as some of the Snarky Archies had tipped over on the table.
“Gonna make you see stars, baby,” Adam promised, jerking Kris’ cock with his large hands.
It only took a few harsh stroked from Adam to completely turn Kris into goo. He came hard and fast, unable to contain the keening noise that ripped itself from his throat.
“Fuck…you’re so beautiful, baby,” Adam grunted, his thrusts becoming quicker and shallower. “I’m so fucking close myself.”
“…come in my mouth,” Kris said hoarsely. “Come on.”
“Oh fuck,” Adam groaned, pulling out of Kris. “Yes, yes.”
They didn’t quite make it, though. Kris jerked Adam’s cock with his hands, and he came in rivulets all over Kris’ face. Smiling lazily, Kris slumped forward into Adam’s arms; tongue licking out to taste Adam’s come.
“…that’s my boy,” Adam said breathlessly, his tone laced with pride and affection.
Kris burrowed his face into Adam’s shirt. Yes, he was Adam’s boy.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“And this is why you should always listen to me,” Brad declared impishly, spooning some gelato into Casey James’ mouth. “No one is allowed to tell me that I don’t have the best ideas.”
Monday afternoon had found Kris, Brad and Cassidy at Delta Theta Gamma’s table, surrounded by all the hottest and most popular men in campus. Both Cale Mills and Adam had been rather impressed by Brad’s scheme, and the ‘yes’ vote to have Brad and his little friends join the fraternity had been unanimous. This had unceremoniously inflated Brad’s ego to epic proportions, which Kris, Tommy and Cassidy found quite amusing (and sometimes, irritating).
“Has anyone seen Tommy?” Kris asked. “He wasn’t in sociology today. I checked our dorm during my break time, but his bed wasn’t slept in.”
“Not I,” Cassidy shrugged. “The last I saw of Tammy Jean was when Krista left with her to stalk Adam.”
“And that was eons ago,” Brad said impatiently. “There were quite a number of girls with pink hair last night; I couldn’t tell one from the other because I was inebriated.”
“I’m sure some of you saw him around last night,” Kris said earnestly, trying to stifle the giggle that escaped his mouth when Adam kissed his hand in greeting. “He had pink hair, a cowboy hat and Daisy Dukes.”
“…wait, are you saying that Tommy Joe Ratliff is the Tammy Jean?” Cale stared at him.
“…how long have you checked out of this conversation, man?” Adam raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t we cover all this at the meeting last night?”
“He was mentally absent last night,” Johns rolled his eyes. “He was staring into space and nodding his head to everything Lambert was saying. What the heck happened anyway, Cale? You disappeared halfway into the night and no one could find you.”
“…you have got to be shitting me,” Cale’s eyes were practically the size of golf balls. “Are you saying that Tommy Joe Ratliff was the girl that gave me multiple orgasms during the party?”
“Oh my god!” Brad dissolved into a heap of giggles. “Honey, you just had the school’s most cynical gay boy suck the straight right out of you!”
“Kate Barbers didn’t have that kind of technique,” Cale shook his head in disbelief. “Heck, none of the girls that ever sucked me off had a mouth like that!”
“I’m glad Tammy Jean was a delight to you, cowboy.”
Tommy was standing right behind Cale, hip cocked sideways in a distinct Tammy Jean manner. The dark red lipstick and heavy black liner had taken a hike for the day, and he looked uncharacteristically and genuinely happy for once. Kris kind of wanted to throw his arms around Tommy and cry.
“I believe you have a little something of mine, frat boy,” Tommy said teasingly, twirling a lock of wavy blond hair around his finger.
Kris stared. Did Tommy just borrow a curling iron from the girls? This was so not the real world.
“…err, the thong?” Cale asked stupidly.
“…you have TJR’s thong in your bag?” Adam stared. “You're seriously shitting me!”
“Now that I’ve rendered you all speechless, it’s time for me to make my leave,” Tommy smirked, brushing his knuckles against Cale’s face. “Later, hooligans.”
Cale opened his mouth to say something, and then shook his head, abandoning his lunch to chase after Tommy. Kris grinned and pressed his face into Adam’s neck, sighing happily when he felt a large, warm hand card through his hair.
Perhaps his college years wouldn’t be so boring after all.
By: Lady Michaelis
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen (mentions of others)
Rating: R - NC17
Warnings: Sexual situations, cross dressing, public sex, foul language
Genre: Romance/Erotica/Humor
Summary: Krista, Tammy Jean, Brandi, Cassie; pretty maids all in a row.
Disclaimers: This is complete and utter crack. I’d like to thank Krista, Tammy Jean, Brandi and Cassie for their moral support. Also, I am putting the blame on my dear friend eirana_regan because this fic would not be here without her influence. I dedicate this in your honor; we WILL have our Tammy Jean Fanclub.
Read its companion ficlet ("The Adventures of Tammy Jean Ratliff") here.
ART BY va_bites
PODFIC BY diane_mckay here.
Kris Allen liked to think highly of his friends. They were all on the short side and had issues with their temper (except Cassidy, because he was like, the most Zen person in Kris’ universe), but they would each give an arm and a leg to protect Kris; and he would do the same for them. In all honesty, meeting Tommy Joe Ratliff, Brad Bell and Cassidy Haley made the move from Arkansas to Los Angeles worth the sacrifice.
Kris was a little bit in love with them-at least, most of the time.
“But lovelies, it’s Delta Theta Gamma!” Brad exclaimed dramatically, snatching the muffin from a pissed-off Tommy’s plate. “All the hot guys on this campus are members of that fraternity! I don’t want to spend my first year in college suffering from social suicide!”
“I don’t care,” Tommy growled, flipping his bleach blond bangs away from his face. “And give me back that muffin, you bitch. It’s the only thing edible in this fucking cafeteria.”
“Here, you can have half of mine,” Kris offered, slicing his own muffin in two before handing the other half to Tommy. “We can sneak down at midnight later if you want some more, so don’t be so grumpy.”
“When I die, you get everything,” Tommy said solemnly. “Brad gets nothing. I am not going to spend my college life watching him leer at the jocks; that would be social suicide for me.”
“Hey, I did your anthropology homework, Ratliff!” Brad stuck his tongue out playfully. “I don’t understand why no one in this group acknowledges my reputation as a straight-A student-though I might have gotten that A in general psychology because I gave Mister McGill a blowjob in the broom closet.”
“And this is when I say you’re kidding,” Cassidy smiled serenely. “We don’t want Kris and Tommy dropping their angels into their alphabet soup now, do we?”
“You always spoil my fun,” Brad pouted. “Even you don’t want to join the fraternity.”
“Cassidy Haley doesn’t do conformity,” Kris pointed out. “Joining a frat means conforming to the school’s unwritten social rules. Besides, you don’t need to meet boys; you’re dating the school’s best art student.”
“That is so true,” Brad purred happily, pressing a sloppy kiss to Cassidy’s cheek. “I love you, sugar.”
“I love you too, princess.”
“I want to vomit,” Tommy grumbled. “Get a room, you two.”
“What ate your satirical sense of humor, Tommy Joe?” Cassidy asked. “You were perfectly fine this morning. Did the members of the cheerleading squad try to shave your hair off again?”
“Don’t remind me,” Tommy grumbled, reaching for the open foil packet of Oreos on Kris’ tray. “But no, O’Connell’s brigade is out sick today, thank goodness. I feel like killing someone this afternoon because my collection of explosives was confiscated when Gokey and his group of goody-goodies conducted a dorm search shortly before lunch. I was going to set them off at the Halloween Hop next month in hopes of burning Katy O’Connell’s hair off.”
“Oh, right,” Brad rolled his eyes. “They confiscated my sex toys. That Gokey always ruins everyone’s fun; this whole thing happened just because he went mouthing off to Cowell like the pussy that he is. Johns and Carly now have to do six hours of community service a week because Gokey told Cowell that Johns was spending most nights in her dorm room. Fucking overzealous pussy.”
“He didn’t take anything from me,” Kris sighed. “But he likes to creep into our dorm room at various times of the day to lecture us. I can’t keep track of the number of times he told me to get a new best friend-he thinks Tommy’s a witch-and start dating girls instead of oogling guys.”
“The fucker caught Kris making eyes at Adam Lambert again in chemistry,” Tommy broke into a grin. “And don’t get me going because the pun is already killing me.”
“Oh honey, you need to talk to him!” Brad declared. “You can’t spend the rest of the semester staring at the back of his head while imagining his cock in your ass without saying a word to him; that’s just sad.”
“I do not think of those things, okay?” Kris sputtered, the color rising in his cheeks. “I just…I just think he’s cool, okay? He’s seriously talented and I wish I could sing like him. That’s it.”
“Pet, you lie,” Tommy scoffed. “I was right next to you when he turned in his seat and asked if you had an extra pen. You were so shocked that you ended up knocking half of his diet Coke into his lap.”
“And what happened after?” Cassidy arched an eyebrow.
“Kris bolted and went to the bathroom to hide,” Tommy replied, fighting off a rather fidgety Kris who seemed to be trying to kill him with a plastic spoon. “I had to sit out there and talk to him for the rest of the period before he finally decided it was okay to come out.”
“And I guess this is why Kris likes to hide behind the closest available person whenever Lambert passes us in the halls,” Brad sighed. “All the more reason for things not to end like this. Look, Lambert is a part of Delta Theta Gamma; he’s second-in-command, in fact. I think that attending the frat party would be a good chance for you to smooth things over with him. Come on, Kristopher; it’ll be fun.”
“I doubt he’d be interested in little plaid Kris Allen,” Kris mumbled into Tommy’s shoulder. “I know he’s into guys, but I’m sure I’m not his type. I mean, on the rare occasions that we do end up sharing space, he’s always smiling at Tommy.”
“That’s because you’re always hiding behind me, Allen,” Tommy scoffed. “He asks about me about you sometimes, you know? The poor dude is wondering if you hate him because you always seem to be avoiding him, which is actually quite true.”
“Having them meet at the party sounds like a good idea,” Cassidy remarked thoughtfully. “For one thing, it’s going to be hard for Kris to make an escape. However, we’re going to have a bit of a problem. Men who aren’t members of Delta Theta Gamma aren’t allowed in; only women are granted free entry. Unless one of us is a significant other or at least a plus one, we won’t be able to carry on with this plan.”
“Unless…” Brad looked thoughtful.
Kris groaned. When Brad got an idea, it was usually an outrageous one he didn’t want to be a part of.
“Spit it out, Bell,” Tommy threatened. “So I can kill you immediately.”
“It’s simple, really,” Brad smirked, obviously trying to keep his excitement levels to a minimum. “We’re pretty, we’re tiny, we’re slim-it wouldn’t be too hard to attend the party dressed as women.”
Tommy’s fork clattered onto the table. Kris had a feeling it was not going to end well at all.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“Maybe Brad’s forgotten about the whole cross-dressing shindig,” Tommy suggested hopefully, blowing at the drying polish on his fingertips. “The party’s tonight and we haven’t heard a peep from him in a week.”
“I’d be terrified if I were you,” Cassidy laughed. “Trust me; it’s much better to have Brad in your sight than out of it. His mysterious-or he likes to think of it that way-disappearance is the calm before the storm in most cases. When he comes back, you’d better be ready for an explosion of sorts.”
Kris rolled over onto his back, making himself comfortable by propping his head up on Cassidy’s bent knee. They were cramming for their last midterm exam in chemistry later that afternoon, and Kris was just about ready to throw in the towel already because he’d worked himself to the bone these last two weeks.
It would be miraculous if he lived to see next week.
“Helloooooooooooo, UCLA!”
Brad burst into the room, looking eerily delighted with himself. He was carrying a ridiculously large bunch of shopping bags, and Kris had a feeling he already knew what was in them.
“Tadaaaa!” Brad reached into one of the bags and tossed a bright pink thing at Tommy. “Just so you know, I totally had the time of my life shopping for all this.”
“…hair?” Tommy stared at him. “Long, curly bright pink hair? What the fuck, Brad?”
“It’s part of your costume, silly,” Brad said daintily, pressing a pair of what seemed to be the world’s shortest denim shorts into the bleach blond boy’s hands. “I got inspired by Katy Perry’s ‘California Gurls’ music video; they were showing it on the display plasma screens at the electronics store.”
“And Daisy Dukes?” Tommy gaped at him. “Are you trying to ruin my manhood for life?!”
“No, I’m making you look pretty!” Brad cackled. “Now, we just need one of Kris’ plaid shirts to complete your look. Krissifer, you won’t mind if I alter one of your three-hundred sixty-five plaid shirts, will you?”
Kris was still too shocked to protest. He watched helplessly as Brad pulled the first plaid shirt he saw-the red-and-blue one, which was totally Kris’ favorite-and went to town with it using a pair of shears.
“…oh my gosh,” he said weakly. “I won’t be able to wear that anymore, will I?”
“Actually, I won’t mind if you do,” Brad replied, snipping along the bottom of the shirt. “You should totally bare your midriff around campus; it’s very appropriate.”
“I am NOT baring my midriff in front of random strangers!” Tommy hollered. “I am not wearing this ridiculous wig or the Daisy Dukes, either!”
“Let me teach you a lesson in life, Tommy Joe,” Brad looked uncharacteristically solemn. “The men of Delta Theta Gamma have a lot of tricks up their sleeves. Seduce one of them, and you’ll be able to get your explosives back. When O’Connell goes hairless by the end of the school year, you’re going to be everyone’s new hero.”
“…cut it any higher and I’m not going to put it on.”
“Done!” Brad clapped his hands. “Oh, that cowboy hat is yours, too.”
“Jesus Christ,” Tommy mumbled, looking doomed. “I can’t believe I am doing this.”
“It’s for your dynamite collection, Tommy,” Cassidy chided him. “Besides, we’re all doing this for Kris. I don’t think any of us want to see him miserable for the rest of his college life.”
“Speaking of Kris, I totally had fun picking your outfit,” Brad reached into another shopping bag. “If Tommy’s the slutty California girl, then you’re the sexy hooker. Presenting…your hooker boots!”
Kris stared in disbelief at the three-inch heel leather boots that Brad unceremoniously tossed onto the bed. He had never worn heels in his life, and he doubted that he was going to be able to walk normally in skinny heels that looked like they could snap in half anytime.
“And here’s your corset and miniskirt,” Brad added, throwing more things onto Kris’ lap. “And finally, here’s that sexy mane of long brown hair that will bring all the boys’ milkshakes to your yard.”
“…I feel your pain,” Tommy mumbled, eyeing Kris’ boots warily. “You’ll need a lot of help walking in those, I’m sure. Suddenly, my Daisy Dukes don’t look too bad.”
“Don’t leave me alone, please?” Kris begged Tommy, burrowing his face into the blond’s neck. “I fear I may not make it home alive in this outfit.”
“Oh honey, no one’s going to leave you,” Brad declared pompously. “Besides, no one will dare come near you with me around! I have this awesome Gaga-like hat that reminds me of a sparkly hammerhead shark. People will be too busy trying to avoid it to sneak in a grope.”
“I made it for him,” Cassidy grinned. “It’s a hazard.”
“And what are you two going to wear?” Tommy asked. “Aside from the shark hat, I mean.”
“Oh, we have a few things lying around,” Brad giggled. “I’m totally going to go Gaga. Cassidy is going to look like his usual self, only with a top this time. We obviously can’t go around exposing our chests.”
“Well, I’m not stuffing mine,” Tommy huffed. “Girl Tommy is just going to be flat-chested.”
“We’re going to need names, though,” Cassidy said thoughtfully. “We may be freshmen, but we can’t go around using our real names; they may end up checking us out-and by this I’m not pertaining to the good kind of checking out.”
“Stop worrying, poppets,” Brad’s grin was mischievous and all-knowing. “I have this all planned out. I’ll be Brandi, Cass can be Cassie, Kris will be Krista and Tommy is Tammy Jean!”
“…Tammy Jean?” Tommy arched an eyebrow. “Why am I even friends with you?”
“Come on, babe,” Brad cajoled him. “Tammy Jean is the perfect name for a slutty California girl. Also, it was the closest I could get to Tommy Joe.”
“Tammy Jean will not like being Tammy Jean,” Tommy said icily. “But Tammy Jean will go to the party so Tommy Joe can get his explosives back.”
“And Tammy Jean can keep Krista company,” Kris muttered under his breath. “Or else Krista will plaster herself to the wall and literally behave like a wallflower.”
“But if Krista does that, Kris isn’t going to get Adam Lambert’s dick into his pants,” Brad pointed out. “Come on, guys; it’s going to be a lot of fun. We’re going to have interesting stories to tell after we graduate because of this. That aside, we’re doing it together; if someone gets into trouble, we all ditch.”
“Amen,” Cassidy agreed. “Kris? Tommy?”
“I’m game,” Tommy nodded. “Anything for my explosives-and our friendship.”
“So I won’t die a hermit and actually get two words out of my mouth in front of Adam, yes,” Kris laughed. “I’m in as long as you guys tell me when my skirt is riding up.”
“Oh snap!” Brad collapsed into a giggling fit. “I never thought I would hear you say that! Oh, this is going to be so much fun-erm, girls? Boys? I’m not too sure what to say now, my goodness!”
“Well, the fun comes with some pain,” Cassidy said dryly. “We’re going to have to wax all our leg hair off. This also merits a bikini wax for Kris because he’s going to be in a skirt.”
“…now I want to die,” Kris moaned, flopping face-first onto the bed. “I have a very low threshold to pain of the female kind, okay?”
“I’ll hold you tightly and rub your back,” Tommy offered. “And Brad can feed you gummy bears.”
“…can you pet my hair, too?” Kris opened one eye.
“It’s a done deal, baby.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Walking in Krista Allen’s shoes-figuratively and literally-was an eye-opening experience. After the waxing session-which had been seriously painful-Brad had put some makeup and nail polish on him, pronouncing Kris a ‘work of art’ as soon as he had finished.
He had been the recipient of many a dirty look as they made their way up to the abandoned house that the men of Delta Theta Gamma had claimed as their fortress. Still, his friends had made good of their promise to safeguard his chastity. Tommy liked making a show of stomping around in his clunky platform boots and Brad enjoyed shoving his monster of a hat in everyone’s faces.
“How on earth are we going to get past that guy?” Kris hissed, jerking his head in the direction of a tall, burly man guarding the front doors. “He looks like he means business.”
“I can step on his feet,” Tommy offered, twirling a lock of pink hair around his fingers. “My boots were made for stomping.”
“Oh, you idiots,” Brad sighed affectionately. “We’re ladies tonight; you have to show some class in dealing with these brutes. Here, let me handle this.”
“Won’t the hat poke his eye out?” Cassidy inquired mildly, trying to stifle a chuckle.
“Sigmund and I will be fine,” Brad said dramatically, fluffing his long blond wig-Kris swore he was poking fun at O’Connell-as he made his way up to the bouncer.
“…Sigmund?” Tommy mumbled in disbelief. “He named a hat Sigmund?”
“It’s Brad, what else can you expect?” Kris laughed, attempting to steady himself on his heels. “Gosh, I really hope I don’t trip and knock over a lamp or something.”
“Belles, we’re all clear now!” Brad sang out, waving at them. “Sarver and I here had a little talk, and he sees no reason for us not to join the party.”
Kris was amused at how smitten Michael Sarver seemed to be with Brad. The large man played as a fullback on the school’s football team and was rumored to be going out with a cheerleader named Tiffany. From the looks of things, Brad seemed to be doing a very good job of interrupting the typical football player-gets-it-on-with-cheerleader American dream.
“Thanks, Mike,” Brad purred, brushing his knuckles against Sarver’s arm. “When your shift is over, come find us so we can have a drink together. See you later, big guy.”
“Bitch, you have got it goin’ on,” Tommy cackled as soon as Sarver was out of earshot. “He bought your whole act without even batting an eyelash!”
“I’m an expert,” Brad simpered prettily. “Now, let’s go and have some fun.”
Kris had never seen so much people and alcohol in his entire life. The Delta Theta Gamma boys and their ladies (well, some came with other boys) flitted in and out of the main room like flies. Most were knocking back sickeningly colorful drinks without a care in the world, but others seemed to be doing things that could lead to the nasty right then and there.
“I am not going to have someone stick his hand into my Daisy Dukes,” Tommy muttered, sending a death glare in the direction of the frat boys leering at them. “For once, I am glad they’re tight enough.”
“Snarky Archies, ladies?” Cassidy popped back in-Kris had no idea when he disappeared-carrying a tray of bright blue drinks. “It’s a celebratory mix David Cook came up with; apparently, he fucked David Archuleta for the first time last night.”
“So they’re officially an item now?” Kris’ eyes widened in disbelief. “Last time I heard, he was with Kimberly Caldwell. Whatever happened to that relationship?”
“It crashed and burned,” Brad shrugged. “Caldwell wanted an open relationship; Cook didn’t. He met Archie at Carly’s birthday party and the rest is history.”
“And I’m sure you got all this by lingering near Cook’s locker while he was having a supposedly private conversation with someone,” Tommy snorted. “Typical you.”
“Hey, we wouldn’t be here right now if I didn’t dedicate my life to siphoning every bit of vital information I can get my hands on,” Brad grinned. “You need to be in on the gossip if you want to survive college. Also, gossip gets you boys. I have an endless amount of blackmail material for almost everyone in this room.”
“So, how about a run-down to keep us entertained?” Cassidy asked, reaching for another Snarky Archie. “I also need to know if my cognition skills are still at a normal level; this stuff is strong.”
“You see that blond tramp dirty-dancing with her fellow cheerleaders?” Brad gestured to the far end of the room. “That’s Kristy Lee Cook. Her boyfriend got her preggers last week, and she still hasn’t told him because she’s too dumb to know how to. Now, over there by the stage we have Casey James, everyone’s beloved Greek god. Word is that he’s having an affair with Professor DioGuardi in order to get a loan on his tuition. Just a little bit to your right is Cale Mills, the alpha male of Delta Theta Gamma and one of the school’s most sought out gentlemen. Rumor has it that he’s cheating on his longtime girlfriend Kate Barbers by fucking male strippers at one of the local gay bars every Friday of the week.”
“…you get all this by standing near their lockers?” Tommy looked slightly impressed.
“It’s the way of the Brandi, Tammy,” Brad giggled. “Oh, look! Some of the DTG members are looking this way; come, let’s go say hi.”
“…no way in hell,” Tommy scowled. “I’m going to stay right here in the corner, thank you very much. Those dimwits look too drunk to be able to help me find my explosives.”
“I’m staying with Tammy,” Kris announced, tucking himself into Tommy’s side. “Everyone’s been giving me creepy eyes for the past few minutes; it’s seriously getting scary. Besides, I don’t see Adam anywhere around this area.”
“I almost forgot you had an agenda,” Brad smirked, pressing a kiss to Kris’ cheek. “Be careful, Krista; there are monsters everywhere. You’ll protect her, won’t you, Tammy Jean?”
“Say that name one more time and I’m going to choke the nearest living creature to death,” Tommy growled in a very unladylike manner. “If something happens, I’m getting Krista out of here.”
“Noted,” Cassidy smiled. “See you later, girls. Good luck, Krista.”
“…I’m scared,” Kris mumbled. “I think I may be getting used to being called Krista.”
“I can’t say the same for me, pet,” Tommy rolled his eyes. “I despise this Tammy Jean character; I’m only allowing myself to partake in this crap because explosives are so fucking hard to come by.”
“Your scary face is working, though,” Kris pointed out. “The boys are staying away from us. It’s just so weird that I can’t find Adam; he always sticks out in a crowd.”
“Well, this old mansion is a pretty big place,” Tommy shrugged. “He might be in one of the other rooms. Want to go take a look around? The other rooms may be safer.”
Kris nodded in agreement and slipped his hand into Tommy’s, allowing his currently pink-haired best friend to navigate them through the crowded room. Most of the men they passed sent heated stares their way; some even managed a few gropes before Tommy bared his fangs at them like a wild animal. Kris squeezed his eyes shut and pressed closer to Tommy, wanting nothing more than to go home.
“What do you want, you fucktard?”
Tommy had stopped walking, clutching Kris’ hand in a death grip. Some guy in a fedora had blocked their path, openly leering at Kris. Tommy was obviously ready to go to war; this was going to get ugly.
“Not you, that’s for sure,” fedora boy said in an annoying, nasal tone. “I would like to get to know your pretty friend better, though.”
“No way in hell are you laying a finger on her,” Tommy scowled. “Her boyfriend’s not going to be very happy when he finds out you’re staking claims on his property.”
Kris’ head was spinning. He had a boyfriend now?
“I bet he’s not cool enough to match up to me,” fedora boy smirked. “After all, who wouldn’t want to date me? I’m the one and only-”
“Picking up my girl, Giraud?”
Kris gasped in surprise as a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around him, protecting him from the creepy fedora boy and his terrible pick-up lines.
“…Lambert?” fedora boy gawped. “Since when do you do girls?”
“I do whatever gender I please,” Adam Lambert replied candidly, pressing a kiss to Kris’ forehead. “Just because I don’t usually go for vagina on the menu doesn’t mean I rule it out completely. Now, if you go back to where you came from, no one’s going to get hurt.”
“Oh, what are the odds,” Tommy said softly, eyes glinting with mischief. “I’ll see you later, Krista darling; Tammy Jean still has to find out who stole her dynamite.”
“That’s one interesting friend you’ve got, missy,” Adam laughed, his breath tickling Kris’ ear. “I’m sorry if I scared you; Giraud is just bad news.”
Kris was too scared to breathe. Tommy had gone off somewhere, leaving him alone.
Well, he wasn’t exactly alone.
He was just alone with Adam Lambert-which was half-exhilarating and half-terrifying.
“Oh crap, are you okay?” Adam sounded panicked. “Oh my god, I think I broke you!”
“No, you didn’t,” Kris laughed shakily, keeping in mind that he had to sound more delicate than usual. “I just wasn’t expected to be saved by the Adam Lambert, that’s all.”
It was probably the right thing to say; the grin that lit up Adam’s face at the sound of Kris’ words was the most beautiful thing the poor smitten boy had ever seen.
“I’ve never been someone’s superhero before,” he said earnestly. “You’re not a pretty Southern twink, but I’ll guess you can be my Lois Lane for tonight.”
“Don’t you wish I had a boy twin?” Kris giggled, unable to contain his excitement.
“That would be terrific, but that’s not what’s important right now,” Adam grinned. “Come on, let’s move upstairs and have a few drinks there; you’re with me, so you’re going to be fine.”
Kris felt himself blush to the roots of his wig when Adam took his hand and escorted him past a dark-skinned young man towards the direction of the carpeted staircase. Unlike the downstairs area, the upstairs was pretty empty with the exception of a few couples tangled around each other on sofas and easy chairs.
“Despite the occasional screwing, it’s a lot tamer up here than down below,” Adam explained. “Think of the upstairs stairwell as a VIP-only access area; non-members of the fraternity won’t be able to get past Anoop. Giraud won’t be able to get to you up here, in case you’re wondering.”
“That’s a relief,” Kris flushed. “Uhm, I’m Krista, by the way. Krista Allen.”
“Nice to meet you, sweetie,” Adam grinned. “It’s interesting to meet someone so shy on the inside when she’s dressed in a pair of hooker boots.”
Kris groaned inwardly. His outfit screamed ‘slut’; how could he blame all the men downstairs-and maybe even Adam-for thinking otherwise?
“They’re gorgeous boots, though,” Adam remarked, running a finger down the leather, making Kris shiver a little. “It’s hard to come across such soft, well-worn leather. Where did you get these? Not that I’d wear them, of course; I prefer my boots a little more on the manly side.”
“My friend Brandi bought them for me,” Kris laughed, feeling his internal tension dissipate. “She just marched into my room this morning and put this outfit together for me. Believe me when I say I don’t usually dress like this.”
“Perfectly believable,” Adam winked. “Anyway, you must be in your first year; I’m quite familiar with the female population of this campus because they’re either part of my frat brothers’ one-night-stand collections or subscribers to my weekly fashion newsletter.”
“…you’re serious?”
“I am!” Adam laughed. “Honey, I’m probably this university’s biggest flaming queer.”
“So I’ve heard,” Kris ducked his head, attempting to stifle a giggle. “My friend Brandi is a gossip monger; she knows everything about everybody. She may or may not have told me a few things about you.”
“All good things, I hope,” Adam chuckled jovially. “I may be a bit of a manwhore, but I certainly haven’t plowed through and knocked up any girl in this school.”
“I don’t think you would,” Kris said warmly, melting under Adam’s tender gaze. “You seem like a very nice person to me, Mister Lambert. I think that-”
He never got to tell Adam what he was thinking, though. Ruggedly-handsome David Cook and his young beau David Archuleta stumbled out into the hallway, hair rumpled and clothes disheveled.
Kris pretended he didn’t see Cook pull his hand out of Archuleta’s jeans.
“Took you long enough,” Adam said with a smirk. “Had fun, Archie?”
“…oh my gosh!” Archuleta groaned, burying his face into Cook’s chest. “You told me that no one was going to see us, Cook!”
“It’s just Lambert, babycakes,” Cook grinned, pressing a kiss into the boy’s messy hair. “He’s not going to run around teasing you just because he gets a kick out of it…right, Adam?”
“Fag’s honor,” Adam responded, raising his hands up as a sign of innocence. “I was just having a nice conversation with Krista here.”
“…did you have too much to drink?” Cook frowned. “You don’t usually bring girls up here.”
“Hey, I need friends too, you know,” Adam declared. “Just because everyone else is thrashing about downstairs doesn’t mean I’m going to join them and look for someone to fuck.”
“Logical enough,” Cook grinned. “Hi, I’m David Cook. This is my doll of a boyfriend, David Archie.”
“Krista Allen,” Kris shook Cook’s pre-offered hand. “It’s very nice to meet the both of you.”
“You guys want a drink?” Cook asked, gesturing to the bar. “I made a large batch of my Snarky Archies just for tonight; feel free to drink yourselves into oblivion. Arch and I are heading to the convenience store to pick up a few things; we’re all out of shampoo.”
“Have fun, bitches,” Adam announced, bringing two pitchers of Snarky Archie over to their table. “I may just begin to live on this junk, Cook; it really gets me in the head.”
“Good to know I’ve contributed some good to your life,” Cook grinned wolfishly before tugging Archie to join him. “Later, kids; behave yourselves.”
“It won’t take much to knock me out, though,” Kris said jokingly, trying to be mindful of his gestures. “I already had a couple of shots downstairs, and I feel a little light-headed.”
“It’s the good kind of light-headed, yes?” Adam flashed him a grin. “If you know how to pace yourself when drinking, you’ll end up feeling happy and tingly all over instead of getting up with a hangover. I drank shot after shot after shot during my frat initiation, and I ended up vomiting all over the place and waking up wanting to die. I promised myself never to end up that trashed again.”
“And did you end up keeping that promise?”
“Well, most of the time, I do,” Adam laughed. “Most of my bros here are worse drunks than I am, so I try to stay within my limits just in case someone needs to do take-home duty.”
Kris shot the Delta Theta Gamma member a shy smile over the rim of his shot glass before downing its contents in one gulp. Apparently, the Snarky Archies were working some kind of magic on him. His confidence levels had grown in leaps and bounds since he’d begun to down his shots; that thrilled and terrified him at the same time. From across the small table, Adam was studying him with what seemed like interest and a little trepidation-probably because girls had never been his thing.
It was seriously endearing. If this was the only shot Kris had at Adam’s heart (or maybe his dick; Kris wasn’t exactly ready to fall in love yet), he was sure as hell going to take it.
“Have you uhm, ever slept with a girl before?” he asked softly.
“…well, I didn’t exactly sleep with her,” Adam looked thoughtful. “But I did go down on her-that was my first ever sexual experience, goddamnit. In a way, it kind of helped me find out that I preferred dick over vagina; I felt odd having oral sex with a girl. Still, that doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen again.”
“Is it the bi-curiosity kicking in?”
“I wouldn’t say I’m bi-curious,” Adam shrugged, leaning closer. “Hotness is the winning factor in my case. If I find you beautiful, I may just take you to bed with me.”
Kris felt his heart beat double time when Adam brushed his knuckles over his cheek. The gesture was innocent yet invitational in nature. Adam’s gaze was questioning and thoughtful-perhaps waiting for a response from Kris to indicate whether he was going to go with it or against it. He allowed his eyelids to flutter close, nuzzling the knuckles splayed across his cheek.
“…so, is this okay?” Adam asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “I mean, it’s not going to be serious or anything; you’re just so, so beautiful, baby…”
“…yeah,” Kris bit his lip. “It’s okay.”
“Good, good,” Adam murmured, pulling him forward to guide him out of his chair. “Come here, baby; on my lap…ah, there you go. God, you are so fucking beautiful.”
Kris exhaled sharply, body reacting quickly as Adam’s hands roamed over his back and the exposed skin below the skirt. He was desperate to lose the costume, but the deception would probably crush Adam and Kris could bid his hopes of physical contact with the man goodbye. If and when things would begin to get out of hand, he would tear himself away from Adam and make up some excuse about having to go.
Then they could go back to their lifestyle of simply passing each other in the corridor.
“Can I…can I kiss you?” Adam asked, reaching up to thumb at Kris’ lower lip with one gloved hand. “God, I’m no stranger to one-night stands, but I’ve never had one with a lady before.”
Kris whimpered. He pressed closer to Adam, looping his arms around the upperclassman’s neck and pressing their foreheads together. Their breaths came in harsh pants, sharing commingling heat.
“…okay.” The words left his mouth like a betrayal.
Adam made a strange noise. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but shook his head and smiled ruefully. Before Kris could ask any other question, Adam pressed a palm against the back of his neck, crushing their lips together. It was a gentle kiss; nothing more than a slip-slide of lips against each other. Kris could practically taste Adam’s hesitation-it touched him and terrified him. He could tell Adam wanted this to be good for him. And what was Kris doing? Here he was, straddling Adam Lambert like a whore and making him believe that he was a girl named Krista.
He felt revolting.
“…I can’t do this,” he said quickly, extricating himself from Adam’s embrace. “I can’t lie to you when you’re being so kind to me.”
“Lie to me?” Adam queried, confused. “What are you talking about, honey?”
Kris took a deep breath. There was no backing out now.
“…I’m not who I told you I was,” he muttered, cheeks flushed in shame as he pulled off his wig and threw his jacket onto the floor. “You can say I’m someone else.”
“…of course,” Adam whispered, his expression inscrutable. “Kris Allen. Krista Allen. Why was I unable to make sense of it earlier?”
“You, uhm, know me…?” Kris ducked his head, refusing to meet Adam’s gaze.
“Know you?” Adam laughed softly. “Of course I do. You sit behind me in chemistry class; how can I not commit such a cute face to memory? But every time I tried to talk to you, you’d hide behind Ratliff or just run away. I was beginning to wonder if you hated me or something.”
“I spilled soda on your really expensive jeans!” Kris felt a surge of panic rise in him. “How could I face you after that? It was a sure way to get my ass kicked around in school.”
“Honey, it’s alright,” Adam rose from his seat to grip Kris’ shoulders, steadying him. “They’re just jeans, okay? Easily washable. Boys like you, on the other hand, are hard to find.”
“You’re not mad at me?” Kris asked hopefully. “Even if I had Brad-he’s Brandi-dress me up like a girl just so we could sneak past Sarver and get in?”
“That’s a clever move, actually,” Adam grinned. “And uh, excuse me for being presumptuous, but I’d be delighted if you went through the trouble of sneaking in to look for me or something. I’ve always liked you, Kris Allen; you’re a delightful, pretty, witty little thing.”
“…you’re kind of right about that,” Kris mumbled sheepishly. “My friends were afraid I was going to die a virgin, so they had me do this. I was kind of hoping I would run into you.”
“And you did,” a predatory smile graced Adam’s face. “What kind of a man would I be if I didn’t honor your friends’ wishes after putting in such a valiant effort to get you here?”
He backed Kris against the wall, latching onto his mouth with fevered lust. Kris sighed and allowed his lips to part, giving Adam the permission to slip his tongue in. The fraternity boy was a greedy kisser. He made sure Kris knew who owned him--
Kris certainly did-as he ran his tongue over every ridge and curve in Kris’ mouth, claiming the Southern boy as his own. Kris whimpered in response as he chased Adam’s tongue, rutting shamelessly against the upperclassman. Adam’s dick was rock hard against his belly, and all he wanted to do was sink to his knees in that goddamn skirt and suck it like a lollipop.
Adam beat him to it, though.
“Let’s see what we have down here,” he said with a smirk, dropping down to a kneeling position; face level with Kris’ crotch. “I bet you were having such a hard time hiding your cock in this tiny thing.”
Adam slid the zipper down without preamble, letting the skirt pool at Kris’ feet in a tiny heap of leather.
“Jesus Christ,” he said affectionately, admiring the view of Kris’ straining cock against the flimsy lace of the thong. “Girl’s underwear and a full-on body wax? I need to send Brad-sans-Brandi a fruit basket.”
Kris bit back a moan as Adam licked a long stripe up his cock through the lace. He was leaning against a wall in a rather open hallway with his skirt pooling at his ankles and the hottest man alive mouthing at his cock. It made him feel sort of liberated; he felt like a good girl (or boy) gone bad.
“Adam, please…”
“Not yet, baby,” Adam purred, giving Kris’ cock one last kiss before rising to his feet. “I want you to take all your clothes off-except the hooker boots; they stay.”
Kris hastened to obey, eyes occasionally darting around the hall to see if there were any passers-by. Judging from the noises coming from the first floor, the party was still in full swing. He snuck a look at Adam, who was leisurely unbuttoning his black silk shirt (he did have freckles and pierced nipples; Kris wanted to die of lust) while raking his gaze over Kris’ naked form.
“You’re beautiful,” Adam hummed his approval, plopping back onto the chair he had been occupying a moment ago, legs spread in invitation.
Kris knew exactly what that meant. He went over to Adam and dropped to his knees between the Delta Theta Gamma member’s legs, trembling hands hastening to undo his belt buckle. His eyes enjoyed betraying him, though; they strayed from the task at hand to Adam’s chest from time to time. Kris couldn’t help it; the tight shirts Adam wore made Kris curious about the nipple rings.
“You can touch them if you want to, you know,” Adam chuckled, reaching down to tweak one of Kris’ own peaked nipples. “I’ve had them for a week; they hurt like shit for awhile.”
“…uhm, does it hurt when I do this?”
Kris pushed himself up a little, anchoring himself by resting his forearms on Adam’s thighs. He circled one nipple with his tongue, intrigued at the tangy metallic taste of the tiny barbell that pierced it. Adam groaned happily, running his hand down Kris’ back to cup his ass, squeezing the firm cheeks with fervor.
“Nope, not at all, baby. We could get yours pierced too, if you like…mmmm, that’s it; be a good boy for me. Or I could tattoo my name on your ass and they’d all know you belong to me.”
Kris hummed happily, still busy laving at Adam’s nipples with his tongue. He honestly wouldn’t mind his own set of nipple piercings or a tattoo of Adam’s name on his ass.
Or maybe both.
After pressing one last kiss to each of Adam’s nipples, he moved back to his original position, making quick work of Adam’s fly as soon as he managed to get the annoying belt buckle (why were some clothes so complicated, anyway?) out of his way. He may or may not have ogled for a minute because Adam had gone commando and the famous Lambert cock was right there, obviously happy to see him.
“…guuuuuuuh.” He was at a loss for words.
“Thank you, I guess,” Adam ducked his head, shooting Kris an impish, child-like grin. “The glambulge-it’s the nickname they gave my penis in biology class-is looking forward to getting acquainted with you.”
How could someone be so sexy and cute at the same time? Kris wanted to trap himself in Adamland and never leave.
“…I’m trying not to freak out here, just so you know,” he blurted out, tracing invisible lines on Adam’s cock with shaky fingers. “It’s just…wow. Everything I ever dreamed of and more.”
“What are you?” Adam asked breathlessly, probing at Kris’ entrance with questing fingers. “You’re so fucking adorable that it’s unreal.”
Face red from the endearments, Kris bent down and experimentally licked around the head of Adam’s cock, trying to comprehend the somewhat salty, somewhat bitter taste of pre-come. He had never sucked dick in his entire life-except for that one time when he and Tommy had gotten too drunk and ended up going down on each other-but Tommy wasn’t as big as Adam and sloppiness was excusable because they were as drunk as hell. This time, Kris was aiming to please; he needed to get this right.
“We’re not in biology class, Kristopher,” Adam teased him. “I can practically hear the gears turning in your head. Don’t overthink; just go for what you think feels good.”
Kris curled his fist around the base of Adam’s dick, relishing the low moan the gesture elicited from the older man. He folded his lips over his teeth (Tommy taught him that; Kris was so going to get him that My Little Pony plushie for his birthday) and fit his mouth over Adam’s cock, sliding forward slowly until he felt the head hit the back of his throat.
“Oh, fuuuuuuuuuuck…” Adam hissed. “Are you fucking kidding me? At this rate, we can totally teach you how to deepthroat. Babe, you were made to suck cock.”
Kris was determined to make up for his lack of technique with enthusiasm. He braced himself by gripping Adam’s thigh and began to bob his head up and down, tongue occasionally darting out to lick along the smooth, hard flesh. Adam’s hands moved from his ass to his face, holding Kris as he steadily fucked his mouth. The older man tugged on Kris’ hair as a warning sign that he was about to come, but being the stubborn, naïve little creature that he was, Kris was determined to swallow.
And when Adam finally came, that was exactly what he did.
“…fuck you, Kristopher Allen,” Adam groaned, panting heavily. “That mouth of yours is going to be the death of me. Well, it’s time to turn the tables a little. I would love to fuck you nice and slow in my bed for your first time, but I am so fucking far gone that I just have to ask you to bed over this table.”
Kris did as he was told, feeling a little embarrassed with his ass in the air and exposed for the entire world to see. Behind him, Adam was digging into the pockets of his impossibly tight jeans, hooting in triumph when he managed to produce a condom and a packet of lube.
“It never hurts to be prepared,” he winked, sending a delicious tremor down Kris’ spine. “I wasn’t counting on getting some ass tonight, but you just traipsed into my life in your lace thong and hooker boots.”
Kris heard Adam tear the foil wrapper open, humming cheerfully to himself as he coated his fingers with it. When he was satisfied, he knelt on the plush carpeting, spreading Kris’ cheeks carefully for a look-see.
“You have a very, very pretty hole, baby,” he crooned, tracing the rim of Kris’ ass with one finger. “It’s pale, pink, quivering, and so very, very pretty. Have you ever touched yourself down here?”
“Once or twice, yeah,” Kris bit back a moan. “And uhm, I let my friend Tommy eat me out one time. We uhhh, finger each other, too.”
“Good god,” Adam chuckled softly, allowing the tip of his index finger to slide into Kris. “Where do they make twinks like you? I should have asked Santa for you years and years ago.”
Kris moaned at the sensation. Adam’s hands were big and warm, and his fingers were much thicker than Tommy’s. Slowly, Adam eased his finger in and out, trying to get Kris used to the sensation. Kris whimpered greedily when a second finger joined the first, moving inside him with gentle scissoring motions, opening him up for Adam’s cock. Adam hummed thoughtfully, and then drove in deeper, hooking his fingers against that part of Kris that made him see stars.
“Nnnngggh, do that again, Adam…” he gasped. “Please; it felt sooooo good!”
“You mean this?” Adam asked breathlessly, pressing in with three fingers this time. “It’s your prostate, baby; and pretty soon, I’m going to be hitting it again and again with my cock.”
“I want you inside me,” Kris begged, shamelessly fucking himself on Adam’s fingers. “I want you to fill me up with that big, thick cock of yours that I’ve had many a daydream about.”
“You’re such a whore, Kristopher,” Adam growled, tugging his hair up to tilt his face for a strange upside-down kiss. “You must have horrible concentration capacity in chemistry class if all you do is squirm in your seat and think about my cock filling you up. That’s what you think about, don’t you? You’d want me to bend you over like this in the chemistry lab and fuck you in front of the class.”
“Yes!” Kris cried, spreading his legs even wider. “I want that so bad. Oh god, Adam; fuck me, please!”
“Patience, baby,” Adam withdrew his fingers, leaving Kris feeling empty and incomplete. “Gotta get the condom on first; I don’t want to get you into any trouble…”
Kris wiggled his ass impatiently, waiting for that painful, pleasurable burn that would course through him when Adam finally entered him. He moaned when the felt the sharp sting of Adam’s palm on his ass, probably a means of chastising him for being so demanding.
“Be a good boy for me, baby,” Adam whispered in his ear, rubbing the head of his cock against Kris’ entrance. “You have to breathe, okay? And don’t clench up until I’m inside you.”
Kris nodded, mouth falling open as Adam made it past the first ring of muscle. It hurt like hell, but it hurt so good; it was the burn he’d been waiting for all his life. He was tempted to push back and fuck himself on Adam’s cock, but Adam had his hips in a bruising grip, intent on holding Kris still until he was fully inside him. The stretch felt amazing; the pleasure escalating to insane levels as Adam pushed into Kris, filling him up inch by agonizing inch.
“Breathe, baby,” Adam murmured into his ear. “I’m almost home.”
Kris felt the life leave him when Adam’s pelvis was finally flush against his ass. He felt unbelievably full. How he managed to live twenty years without knowing this feeling was beyond him.
“Move, Adam,” he whined. “I really can’t wait any longer…”
“Oh, you impatient slut,” Adam chastised him, bringing his hand down on Kris’ ass in a spanking motion. “But Jesus Christ, you are so fucking tight…”
Kris bit his lip, grinning a little as he clenched his anal muscles around Adam’s cock. Two could play at the teasing game. He had ammunition thanks to Brad’s constant meddling in his sex life.
“…fuck you, Kris Allen,” Adam growled, pulling all the way out, leaving Kris whimpering. “As much as I love the tease in you, tonight’s objective is for both of us to be able to get off.”
He drove back in, filling Kris completely in one single thrust. Kris moaned with delight, rocking back against Adam, meeting him thrust for thrust. The words dribbled from his mouth in a nonsensical garble, words like ‘more’, ‘Adam’ and ‘fuck’ turning into his litany. He could barely hold himself up now; Adam’s hands on his hips were the only things that kept him from slumping gracelessly to the floor. His body was slick with sweat and vodka, as some of the Snarky Archies had tipped over on the table.
“Gonna make you see stars, baby,” Adam promised, jerking Kris’ cock with his large hands.
It only took a few harsh stroked from Adam to completely turn Kris into goo. He came hard and fast, unable to contain the keening noise that ripped itself from his throat.
“Fuck…you’re so beautiful, baby,” Adam grunted, his thrusts becoming quicker and shallower. “I’m so fucking close myself.”
“…come in my mouth,” Kris said hoarsely. “Come on.”
“Oh fuck,” Adam groaned, pulling out of Kris. “Yes, yes.”
They didn’t quite make it, though. Kris jerked Adam’s cock with his hands, and he came in rivulets all over Kris’ face. Smiling lazily, Kris slumped forward into Adam’s arms; tongue licking out to taste Adam’s come.
“…that’s my boy,” Adam said breathlessly, his tone laced with pride and affection.
Kris burrowed his face into Adam’s shirt. Yes, he was Adam’s boy.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“And this is why you should always listen to me,” Brad declared impishly, spooning some gelato into Casey James’ mouth. “No one is allowed to tell me that I don’t have the best ideas.”
Monday afternoon had found Kris, Brad and Cassidy at Delta Theta Gamma’s table, surrounded by all the hottest and most popular men in campus. Both Cale Mills and Adam had been rather impressed by Brad’s scheme, and the ‘yes’ vote to have Brad and his little friends join the fraternity had been unanimous. This had unceremoniously inflated Brad’s ego to epic proportions, which Kris, Tommy and Cassidy found quite amusing (and sometimes, irritating).
“Has anyone seen Tommy?” Kris asked. “He wasn’t in sociology today. I checked our dorm during my break time, but his bed wasn’t slept in.”
“Not I,” Cassidy shrugged. “The last I saw of Tammy Jean was when Krista left with her to stalk Adam.”
“And that was eons ago,” Brad said impatiently. “There were quite a number of girls with pink hair last night; I couldn’t tell one from the other because I was inebriated.”
“I’m sure some of you saw him around last night,” Kris said earnestly, trying to stifle the giggle that escaped his mouth when Adam kissed his hand in greeting. “He had pink hair, a cowboy hat and Daisy Dukes.”
“…wait, are you saying that Tommy Joe Ratliff is the Tammy Jean?” Cale stared at him.
“…how long have you checked out of this conversation, man?” Adam raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t we cover all this at the meeting last night?”
“He was mentally absent last night,” Johns rolled his eyes. “He was staring into space and nodding his head to everything Lambert was saying. What the heck happened anyway, Cale? You disappeared halfway into the night and no one could find you.”
“…you have got to be shitting me,” Cale’s eyes were practically the size of golf balls. “Are you saying that Tommy Joe Ratliff was the girl that gave me multiple orgasms during the party?”
“Oh my god!” Brad dissolved into a heap of giggles. “Honey, you just had the school’s most cynical gay boy suck the straight right out of you!”
“Kate Barbers didn’t have that kind of technique,” Cale shook his head in disbelief. “Heck, none of the girls that ever sucked me off had a mouth like that!”
“I’m glad Tammy Jean was a delight to you, cowboy.”
Tommy was standing right behind Cale, hip cocked sideways in a distinct Tammy Jean manner. The dark red lipstick and heavy black liner had taken a hike for the day, and he looked uncharacteristically and genuinely happy for once. Kris kind of wanted to throw his arms around Tommy and cry.
“I believe you have a little something of mine, frat boy,” Tommy said teasingly, twirling a lock of wavy blond hair around his finger.
Kris stared. Did Tommy just borrow a curling iron from the girls? This was so not the real world.
“…err, the thong?” Cale asked stupidly.
“…you have TJR’s thong in your bag?” Adam stared. “You're seriously shitting me!”
“Now that I’ve rendered you all speechless, it’s time for me to make my leave,” Tommy smirked, brushing his knuckles against Cale’s face. “Later, hooligans.”
Cale opened his mouth to say something, and then shook his head, abandoning his lunch to chase after Tommy. Kris grinned and pressed his face into Adam’s neck, sighing happily when he felt a large, warm hand card through his hair.
Perhaps his college years wouldn’t be so boring after all.