Storm Clouds and Traffic Accidents

[lady_hanaka]

Title: Storm Clouds and Traffic Accidents
Pairing: KyuChul [Kyuhyun x Heechul], KyuMi [Kyuhyun x Zhou Mi], onesided!MiChul [Zhou Mi x Heechul]
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, comfort
Summary: It took two car accidents for Kyuhyun and Heechul to admit their love.
Notes: My fanfiction gift for inkcharm_666  for the help_japan  auction. I hope you enjoy it! The ending was fluffier than I’d imagined…XD Also, I messed with the age difference between members for the story, in case anyone is wondering.

---

When they had been younger they'd been inseparable. One couldn't find Kim Heechul without his little stepbrother Kyuhyun following close behind--holding his hand or tugging on his backpack as he led him to school.

Of course, they didn't start off that way.

Kyuhyun could remember the exact moment he'd met Kim Heechul.

"Kyuhyun-ah, this is Heechul. He's going to be your new hyung now."

Kyuhyun had looked up at the pretty boy and smiled shyly, "Hello noona."

This had ended with Heechul snapping and Kyuhyun in tears. Heechul had been yelled at for making Kyuhyun cry so Kyuhyun had been pretty sure that Heechul hated him.

It took a while for Heechul to warm up to the younger boy, despite his mother saying that it wouldn't take long at all, that Heechul had just been surprised and he really liked him. Except that every time they met up and Heechul was forced to play with him it ended in Heechul leaving Kyuhyun somewhere on the playground by himself and getting yelled at later for it.

"He isn't my brother, he's just a baby. All he does is cry."

"Your hyung is used to being the only child. He doesn't know how to be a big brother yet." Kyuhyun's mother smiled at him, patting his head as she handed him a cookie. "Don't worry, when omma marries Heechul-ah's appa, we'll be one big family and he'll be a good hyung."

Kyuhyun didn’t think that was going to happen, but he kept silent.

The wedding was a small affair. Kyuhyun had been the ring-bearer and Heechul, to his own consternation, had been weedled into being the flower girl boy. As they walked down the aisle together Kyuhyun had looked at his older brother (hyung, not noona, he had to remember) and realized that he was the prettiest person he’d ever seen. Even in his small suit he was prettier than all the other girls in the room. Kyuhyun thought that he’d be even prettier in a dress.

He mentioned this while they were heading down the aisle and Heechul kicked him and stormed out of the church, dropping the pillow with the ring as he went.

Heechul had been grounded for throwing a tantrum and interrupting the ceremony and kicking his little brother. He went to bed that night without supper, silently steaming. Kyuhyun had sat next to his new father and watched with wide eyes.

A week into the marriage, Kyuhyun had spoken to his hyung five times, and each time he’d been snapped at or ignored. The snapping had stopped around the third ‘good morning hyung’ when Kyuhyun’s mother had lectured him and Heechul had yelled, “You’re not my mother, don’t tell me what to do!” and had received a spanking from his father.

After that there had been nothing but stony silence.

That was, until the storm.

---

The crashing of thunder was loud, a streak of lightening illuminating the gnarled tree outside his window. Kyuhyun whimpered, pulling his blanket tighter around his body as he huddled against his pillows. He looked down at Mr. McFluffins, his stuffed frog. Mr. McFluffins was not capable of protecting him from monsters, let alone a storm, even if his tongue did shoot out when you squeezed his stomach.

There was another crash of thunder and he dove beneath his pillows, his grip on Mr. McFluffins so tight that the frog’s tongue seemed permanently stuck. He wanted his mommy…

Whenever it had stormed before, he’d always crawled into bed with her. She would sing him a lullaby and rock him until he fell asleep. But now Mommy slept with his new daddy, and he didn’t know if his new daddy would like him coming in, even if it was storming.

Besides, mommy would be busy singing daddy lullabies so he’d be able to sleep. Storms were scary for everyone, even adults. His mommy had told him so.

Kyuhyun slowly crept out of bed and stuck his head out into the hallway. It was dark, and there weren’t any windows on this side of the house. He couldn’t see a foot in front of him.

Something creaked further down the hall and Kyuhyun shut the door quickly, scrambling back for his bed.

It took a few moments for Kyuhyun to calm down enough to look out from under the covers. His eyes stuck to the door to his right…the door that connected his room with a bathroom. On the other side of that bathroom was another door. The door to Heechul’s room.

Kyuhyun swallowed, before he slowly made his way to the door.

Heechul’s room was dark-he didn’t have a nightlight at all. The curtains were drawn as well, and only a sliver of light shown through when the lightning flashed. Kyuhyun clutched Mr. McFluffins and scuttled toward the bed where his hyung slept.

"Hyung."

There was no response. Kyuhyun wondered if Heechul had been scared and had gone to his mommy and daddy’s room already, but the lump on the bed was surely his brother.

"Hyung!" He called a little louder, leaning forward. There was still no response, save for the loud crash of thunder that made him jump and grab for the covers surrounding his older brother like a caccoon."Hyu-"

“What do you want?" Heechul’s voice was an angry, tired hiss, and he poked his head out of his blankets, dark eyes glaring. Heechul hyung’s eyes were even darker than the room, and Kyuhyun swallowed again.

"...scared." His whispered finally.

"Go sleep with your mom." Heechul grumbled as he rolled his eyes, turning over so that his back was facing the younger boy.

"...the hallway is dark and scary."

Heechul turned over angrily and glared, "I'm trying to sleep. I have school tomorrow." As if school was the coolest thing ever. And it was, really, because only big kids got to go to school.

“…please?” Kyuhyun finally whispered, looking near tears, as he held up his frog gravely. “I’ll let you sleep with Mr. McFluffins.”

“I don’t want to sleep with your frog.” Heechul grumbled, before he gave a soft sigh and held open the comforter. “Come on, I want to sleep.”

Kyuhyun smiled brightly and climbed into bed beside his older brother.

Heechul didn’t sing him a lullaby or rock him to sleep, but his heartbeat was steady and his arms were warm as he held him. Kyuhyun felt safe, and he fell asleep to the knowledge that his brother didn’t hate him as much as he’d thought.

---

After that, Heechul seemed to have accepted Kyuhyun as his little brother, although he was stiff and awkward for a few weeks. He still snapped, but he’d say something nice afterwards, in apology, though he never said “I’m sorry” outright.

The only thing Kyuhyun didn’t like about having an older brother was that Heechul was already in school and Kyuhyun was not. It didn’t take long, however, for that to change.

Kyuhyun could barely contain his excitement on his first day of first grade. He wiggled in the backseat of the car, clutching Mr. McFluffins tightly against his chest, grinning brightly. First Grade meant he was a big boy, big enough to go to school for a whole day, and even if it was scary and new Kyuhyun didn’t care. He’d be okay because his hyung was going to pick him up after class.

First Grade turned out to be a lot different than he’d expected. They had to sit in desks and learn and it wasn’t as fun as he’d thought it would be. Recess, at least, had proven to be exciting.

At first he’d stood outside near the swing set, unsure of what to do. He learned that his hyung and the other older grades had recess at a different time. Only the lower grades had recess right now, which disappointed him. He’d wanted to play with his hyung.

“Hi!”

Kyuhyun blinked, looking warily at the gangly boy standing in front of him, grinning. He was missing his two front teeth and spoke strangely. He held out his hand, “My name is Zhou Mi! I’m in second grade!”

Kyuhyun stuck out his nose. “Well I’m Cho Kyuhyun and I’m in First Grade and you speak weird.”

Zhou Mi blinked, before smiling wider. “I’m from China. Come on, let’s play soccer!”

Kyuhyun didn’t want to play soccer, but was dragged toward the patch of grass by the taller boy regardless, his protest dying on his lips. There were three other boys already there, and they all paused as Zhou Mi stopped in front of them with the younger boy.

“Who’s that?”

“This is Kyuhyun! He’s in the first grade.” Zhou Mi introduced him proudly. “He was playing all alone so I invited him to play with us.”

“You don’t have any friends?” One asked innocently, eyes wide.

“I’ve only been here one day.” Kyuhyun defended, wishing he hadn’t left Mr. McFluffins in his cubby. This boy with the big eyes was wearing a pink headband and he looked like a girl. He wasn’t as pretty as his Heechul hyung though.

“I’m Lee Sungmin!” He announced, “I’m in the second grade! I don’t like soccer. Do you want to have a tea party?”

Tea Parties were also for girls. This boy was weird.

“Well no one asked you to play anyway!” Another boy defended, holding a soccer ball close to his chest. “You aren’t even good.”

“He’s better than you are, Hyukkie.” The last boy answered with an innocent grin. He nodded at Kyuhyun. “I’m Lee Donghae. That’s Lee Hyukjae. We’re both in the second grade too.”

“It’s Se Kyung!” Eunhyuk squealed, hiding behind Donghae as a girl skipped past them, followed by her friends.

“Of course! We’re going to have a tea party together.” Sungmin answered matter-of-factly. He paused and turned back to Kyuhyun, “Do you want to come?”

Kyuhyun shook his head. Girls had cooties.

Eunhyuk gave a small sigh. “She’s pretty, isn’t she? Even if she is a girl.” The only one who didn’t seem affected by the knowledge of girls and their cooties was Sungmin. Even Zhou Mi looked at Se Kyung and her friends warily.

“She’s pretty.” Zhou Mi finally nodded.

“She’s the prettiest girl in the world.” Eunhyuk answered.

"Well my hyung is prettier." Kyuhyun announced, looking over at the group. His hyung was definitely prettier.

"A boy can't be pretty," Eunhyuk countered, frowning.

"They can too! My hyung is the prettiest person in the world!" Kyuhyun replied hotly. He didn’t like Eunhyuk. He didn’t want to play soccer with him anymore.

“Kyuhyun!”

All five of them turned to see Heechul walking across the field toward them. The older boy stopped in front of Kyuhyun, “You forgot your lunch money. Here.” He held out the amount and Kyuhyun took it with a sheepish grin, “Sorry hyung.”

Heechul rolled his eyes, “Aish, you’re always forgetting things. I’ll come get you from your classroom after school, ok?”

Kyuhyun nodded, “Ok!”

As soon as Heechul had walked back inside, the other four boys turned to Kyuhyun in wonder.

“Your brother really is pretty.” Eunhyuk assented begridingly, “Is he a girl?”

“Of course not! He’s my hyung!” Kyuhyun crossed his arms over his chest.

“I’m going to marry him!” Zhou Mi shouted. His eyes remained trained on the door that Heechul had gone through.

"You can't marry him, he's a boy." Sungmin shot back seriously. "Boys can't get married."

Kyuhyun saw Zhou Mi frown and he did too. He had, after all, planned on marrying his hyung when he grew up.

---

Kyuhyun, Zhou Mi, and the Lee trio continued their friendship throughout grade school and high school. It was annoying, at first, because Kyuhyun was always a year behind. There was always a year in which he was separated from them, and it made him realize even more how much older Heechul was.

The age gap had never been so painfully obvious as when Heechul went to college. He’d been accepted to an art school in France, and because of that he was rarely home. He wrote home, and called, and he video-chatted with Kyuhyun when he had time, but it was difficult for Kyuhyun to accept the fact that his big brother was so far away.

Sungmin, despite his love for pink and tea parties, was the only one that had dated in high school. Eunhyuk tried, but after being rejected for prom he’d become terrified of even speaking to girls. Donghae had laughed, while Zhou Mi had tried to comfort him.

They all assumed that Donghae had a girlfriend somewhere, because he always left earlier when they hung out, and would grin stupidly when he got a text. None of them knew who she was or had been able to steal his phone in order to check the number. The only one who seemed to know was Heechul, who had become a close friend to the younger boy, surprisingly enough.

At first Kyuhyun had been jealous of the attention his hyung gave to Donghae, how he declared Donghae his favorite dongsaeng and spoiled him. Donghae was an affectionate person where Kyuhyun was not, and it made him angry to see the other boy hugging his brother so freely.

But Donghae had a girlfriend, and so Kyuhyun hid his jealousy. There was only one person that Kyuhyun knew loved his brother like he did.

Zhou Mi. His best friend.

It was because they were best friends that he hadn’t said anything. And what could he say, anyway? It wasn’t like Heechul was his boyfriend. He was his older brother. If he said anything to anyone about his love for Heechul…he didn’t know what would happen. No one, not even Zhou Mi, was allowed to know.

Besides, his brother liked girls.

It had been heartbreaking, the first time that Heechul had brought home a girl. Her name was Boa Kwon and they dated for two years before they broke up. Their breakup had been clean, a mutual agreement that they were too alike to continue as a couple. Since then there had been others, girls whose names he tried to forget-he never did though, he remembered every name and face-and ever since his brother had gone to college it had been impossible to keep track of the girls he dated.

Donghae, Zhou Mi, Eunhyuk, and Sungmin had all entered college this year, leaving Kyuhyun alone for his senior year of high school. He’d tried to get his parents to let him graduate a year early but they’d refused.

The house seemed empty without Heechul, and his friends visited less often than usual, busy with their own freshmen year. Sungmin had gone overseas to study, the furthest of them all, and so he was unable to be there when they got the news.

Donghae and Eunhyuk had been visiting Kyuhyun over their spring break when Donghae got the phone call.

Kyuhyun remembered the look on his face, the way his smile had slowly faded before his face seemed to crumble into despair and he’d let out a sob, sagging down onto the couch. His father was dead. The father that he’d fought with over his career in dance had died and he’d been unable to tell him goodbye.

It was surprisingly sunny the day of the funeral. The air was deceptively cheerful. Kyuhyun had thought it was mocking them all, but Donghae had smiled softly and whispered that his father would have been happy that it wasn’t raining.

Heechul arrived before the service, having driven straight there from the airport in a car he’d rented for the occasion. Donghae had latched onto his chest and sobbed, before a man had appeared that none of them but Donghae recognized who took the crying man from Heechul’s arms and into his own.

Donghae’s ‘girlfriend’ was named Kim Kibum, they learned later.

Kyuhyun looked to his brother and grasped his hand tightly. It was a welcome home and a cry for comfort at the same time. Heechul gave him a nod and a reassuring smile, his eyes somber. Then Zhou Mi appeared, collapsing into Heechul’s arms in the same way that Donghae had done, clutching desperately.

Kyuhyun felt Heechul let go of his hand as he wrapped his arms around Zhou Mi and patted his back, looking a bit surprised and awkward.

“Ge, ge…he…” Zhou Mi didn’t continue, and Kyuhyun stared, angry at himself for feeling jealous when all of them should have been comforting Donghae. But Donghae was being comforted by the man he loved and Kyuhyun could only stare in barely veiled frustration as the man he loved held his best friend.

After the ceremony they gathered on the church steps. Donghae’s grandmother had taken his mother home, and Donghae looked lost as he held Kibum’s hand tightly. The other man looked stoic, so unlike Donghae, but Kyuhyun saw his thumb run along the back of Donghae’s hand in comfort.

“Hey,” Eunhyuk smiled weakly at his best friend. “You wanna go out tonight? Get something to drink?”

Donghae blinked, swallowing. “I don’t think…”

“Come on.” Zhou Mi smiled brightly, “I think it’ll help.”

Donghae slowly nodded. “Alright…yeah. I’d like that. Kibum?”

Kibum shook his head, slowly letting go of Donghae’s hand. “I have to fly home tonight. I have a meeting with the board tomorrow.”

Donghae nodded again, looking lost once more, before Kibum reached out and grabbed him in a hug, whispering something in his ear. As he pulled back, Kyuhyun swore he saw his lips graze Donghae’s cheek, but he must have been wrong as the other man nodded his head in thanks at them, murmuring a, “it was nice to meet you” before walking toward a car where a driver stood. He got in the back and it drove off, Donghae watching forlornly.

“He owns a company.” Donghae finally murmured, “In the US. He flew over just for the funeral.” The words seemed to catch in his throat.

Zhou Mi nodded, and Eunhyuk wrapped an arm around Donghae’s shoulders, steering him toward the street and his own car. “Come on Hae, let’s go get wasted.” He paused. “Your boyfriend won’t think we’re taking advantage of you, will he?”

Donghae laughed, the first laugh they’d heard from him in a week, even if it died short. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

Heechul took a step forward and gave a wry grin, “Sorry I can’t make it. I have to fly back to France tonight. I have three hours to get back to Seoul.”

Donghae grabbed the older man in a tight hug, and Kyuhyun’s throat tightened. So soon? He never got to see Heechul anymore. Why couldn’t his hyung stay at least for a night? Donghae needed him, and so did Kyuhyun.

“See ya kid.” Heechul winked at Kyuhyun over Donghae’s head and reached out a hand to ruffle his hair.

Kyuhyun swatted his hand away with a frown. “I’m not a kid.” He ground out, looking away.

Heechul grinned, before dislodging himself from Donghae and handing the crying man over to Eunhyuk with an order to take care of him and get him home safely before Zhou Mi was hugging him goodbye.

Kyuhyun watched as his brother finally took a step back from the group, pulling his coat tighter around his body. “Kyuhyun, watch out for mom and dad, will you? I’m sending down a few bottles of wine, but you have to hide it until their anniversary, got it? It’s a present.”

Kyuhyun nodded, giving his own smile. He couldn’t stay mad at Heechul, especially since he hadn’t done anything wrong. It was stupid to be so grumpy, right? “Sure. When will you be back?”

Heechul shrugged. “Summer, maybe? Some friends want to go backpacking across Europe. I figured I’d go to Italy before I come home for vacation.”

Kyuhyun bit the inside of his cheek and nodded.

“Well,” Heechul gave a small wave, “I’m going. Hae, I’ll call you when I arrive at the airport.”

Donghae nodded. The four of them watched Heechul leave and there was a long moment of silence before Eunhyuk cleared his throat, “Alright!” he called out with forced cheerfullness. “Let’s go get drunk!”

---

Kyuhyun was halfway to being wasted when his phone rang. He blinked drunkenly at the flashing screen as his phone vibrated, moving on the table littered with beer bottles. Zhou Mi was sipping a soju and laughed with Donghae as the two watched Eunhyuk stumble through a dance routine that he’d come up with on the spot.

Kyuhyun wished someone had recorded it to show him later, but his phone was still flashing…he picked it up and stared at the fuzzy number on the screen. He knew that number…why was his mother calling? Ah, she must have been worried that he was depressed, or wanted to know how Donghae was.

He answered it with a slurred, “Hello?”

“Kyuhyun!” His mother’s voice sounded odd, as if she’d been crying. “Oh Kyuhyun…”

“What is it?” He blinked again, trying to push away the fuzziness that the alcohol had left behind. He sat up fully in his seat. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s…it’s Heechul.”

Heechul’s name sobered him up rather quickly. He clutched the phone in a panic. “Mom, what happened?”

“He was coming back from the funeral. We just got the call from the hospital.” His mother let out a ragged sob. “He was in an accident.”

Kyuhyun dropped the phone. It hit the table with a loud clatter and even Zhou Mi and Donghae in their drunken stupor turned at the sound. Eunhyuk was still tripping over his own feet a few feet away.

“What is it?” Zhou Mi took one look at Kyuhyun’s pale face and shaking form and leapt to his feet, all traces of his own drunkenness disappearing. “Kui Xian!”

“An accident.” He didn’t understand why he sounded so calm. His hands were shaking as he stared at the phone. He could hear his mother’s voice coming through the speakers, yelling at him, asking if he was alright through her own tears, but her voice sounded far away. He merely blinked down at the lit up background on his phone: a picture of himself and Heechul before his brother had gone to France.

Zhou Mi had grabbed Kyuhyun’s phone, and Kyuhyun heard him speaking to his mother, but his ears were filled with an odd ringing.

“Kui Xian, Kui Xian!”

Someone was leading him to a taxi. Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi wasn’t answering Donghae’s questions. What was going on? What was wrong with Kyuhyun? Why was Zhou Mi crying? What had happened? Zhou Mi shoved Kyuhyun into the back of a taxi and followed in behind him. “Sejong General Hospital, hurry!”

It was shock, this eerie stillness that filled him. He should be crying like Zhou Mi. But it couldn’t be real. Heechul couldn’t be hurt. Heechul was supposed to be on a plane back to France. This…it wasn’t possible.

The ride to the hospital took no time at all, or perhaps it was Kyuhyun’s distorted sense of reality that made it go by so quickly. He stumbled into the waiting room in the emergency unit of the hospital, led by a sobbing Zhou Mi.

His mother stood from where she sat with his father and held out her arms. He took one look at her red rimmed eyes and passed her, at Heechul’s father, looking stoic and broken all at once, and it hit him like a punch to the gut. He let out a soft sob and collapsed into his mother’s arms. Heechul’s father placed his hand on Kyuhyun’s head, and Kyuhyun could feel his fingers tremble.

Heechul was hurt. Heechul could be dying.

Zhou Mi stood to the side awkwardly, and picked up his phone to call Donghae and Eunhyuk.

Heechul’s father explained to them what had happened in a soft, strained voice as doctors and nurses rushed past them into the operating room. Heechul had been driving back from the funeral and the tire had blown on his rented car. He’d gone off the road and the car had flipped.

“What’s wrong with hyung!?”

Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi both turned to see Donghae running down the hall, dodging medical staff until he stood, panting, in front of them. His face was pale and his eyes red. “What happened?” He whispered faintly.

Kyuhyun swallowed, a burning anger building in his throat, until he found himself standing in front of his older friend, towering over him. "It's your fault!" Kyuhyun screamed, wanting to grab Donghae and shake him. "It's your fault hyung is like this!"

He’d been driving from Donghae’s father’s funeral. If he hadn’t been there he wouldn’t have gotten into the accident. It was his fault!

Donghae's face crumpled and he slid down the wall, sobbing.

"Kui Xian!" Zhou Mi reprimanded, voice cracking. He knelt next to Donghae and rubbed his shoulder. Kyuhyun refused to apologize, even though he knew the moment he’d spoken that it wasn’t true. Donghae had lost enough this last week, he shouldn’t have said that.

Kyuhyun's mother was sobbing into his stepfather's shoulder. But Heechul's father seemed too shocked to cry. He rubbed her back and stared at the door to the operating room.

Kyuhyun leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, feeling hot tears slip down his cheeks before he wearily turned his head toward the illuminated operating room sign and waited.

Three hours later the light flickered off and a doctor came out, looking worn. The entire family scrambled to their feet as he neared them. He gave a tired smile, “Kim Heechul-ssi is stable. He’ll be moved to a regular room in a few minutes.”

Kyuhyun’s mother fell into his father’s arms with a happy cry. Heechul’s father staggered, taking a deep, shaky breath, the closest that Kyuhyun had ever seen him to tears.

Donghae cried into Zhou Mi’s shoulder. “He’s alive, he’s alive! He’s going to be ok!” Zhou Mi nodded, “Yes. Yes he’s going to be fine,” and the tears made fresh tracks down his own face. He looked up at Kyuhyun with shining eyes, “Kui Xian, he’s going to be alright!”

Kyuhyun bit his lip and gave a nod and a shaky half-laugh, half-sob. “Y-yeah. Yeah.”

---

Heechul was kept at the hospital for a week after the accident. He’d had metal rods placed in one leg, and his tongue had more stitches than Kyuhyun could count; he’d bit his tongue when the car had flipped. Other than that he had only minor scrapes and abrasions, and a little glass in his arm. He couldn’t talk and he couldn’t walk but he was alive.

Kyuhyun, begrudgingly, had to return to school. He came to the hospital every day after class and had to be dragged out at night and ordered to do his homework with a stern-but amused-glance from his hyung.

But now Heechul was going to be released from the hospital. He needed someone with him to look out for him, however, because he still couldn’t walk on his own. Kyuhyun had volunteered to stay home with him until he could get around by himself, but it only led to an argument with his mother.

"Kyuhyun, you have to go to school and we have to work. Zhou Mi is on break so he can look out for your brother."

He's MY hyung Kyuhyun thought bitterly. He didn't like how Zhou Mi looked at Heechul...and he didn't like that Heechul didn't seem to mind. He’d seen the exchange of glances when Zhou Mi had visited the day after Heechul’s accident.

"Don't worry Kui Xian, I'll take care of Xi Che gege." Zhou Mi smiled brightly, trying to look reassuring.

His name is Heechul and he's my hyung and I can take care of him just fine! Kyuhyun pouted silently. He didn’t argue, simply hurried home from school each day to make sure he wasn’t left out.

He always found the two of them together, laughing or teasing. He swallowed the jealousy that had entangled itself permanently in his chest and sat with them, plastering on a smile. He felt that Heechul noticed the fakeness, but he said nothing about it.

“Kui Xian.”

Kyuhyun blinked at Zhou Mi’s voice. Heechul had fallen asleep on the couch next to them, weary from his pain medication and physical therapy exercises. His cat, Heebum, was curled on his chest, purring.

“What is it?” Kyuhyun hadn’t even noticed that Heechul was sleeping. How long had he been out while Kyuhyun stared at the TV and brooded?

“I wanted to ask you something.”

Kyuhyun nodded absently. “Ok. What do you want to ask?”

“Do you like Xi Che ge?”

Kyuhyun froze.

Zhou Mi continued, seeing Kyuhyun’s reaction and taking it as a yes. “I always knew.” He continued softly, “Since high school I knew for certain. I…” He trailed off before he gave a small smile. “I like him too.”

“I know.” Kyuhyun said shortly, managing to speak. His heart was hammering in his chest. How could Zhou Mi know? He’d thought he’d hid it so well! No one was supposed to know! Was he disgusted with him? Would he tell Kyuhyun’s parents? Would he tell Heechul? But Zhou Mi was looking down at his hands, and he didn’t look angry.

“Xi Che ge likes girls.” Zhou Mi stated.

“I know.” Kyuhyun answered after a long moment of silence. “…I know.”

---

Heechul could move on his own, and they had a going away dinner for him in celebration. He would be heading back to France in a few days, to retake some of his classes over the summer because he’d missed so many days.

Donghae, Eunhyuk, and Sungmin came with Zhou Mi, but only Zhou Mi stayed after dinner. Kyuhyun softly said that he and Zhou Mi had something to say, and his mother and father and Heechul went silent.

When Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi announced they were dating, it was to mixed reactions. His father was silent, shocked. His mother shook her head: "No, oh baby no. Stop this. Stop right now." and she ran out of the room.

Heechul had remained quiet before he'd stood, slipping in his headphones. "God your children will be the tallest, dorkiest little brats in the world." And then he'd walked out, still limping.

His mother never accepted it--Zhou Mi wasn't allowed in the house anymore--and she had wanted them to move or transfer schools, but their father had quieted her down. He didn't approve but he didn't stop him either. Sometimes Kyuhyun thought he knew about Kyuhyun's love for Heechul. He always seemed to know everything, as if he were always judging.

Heechul went back to France without talking to Kyuhyun again.

---

Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi dated because they were both in love with Heechul and both knew that they couldn’t have him. They looked for him in each other and both came up short. Sometimes they would just stare at one another before it became too uncomfortable and looked away, going home without a goodbye.

When Heechul came home for breaks he avoided Kyuhyun. He hung out with Donghae until Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun arrived and then politely excused himself. He’d lock himself in his studio, saying he had to work on his portfolio for his art final. His visits became consistently shorter.

Kyuhyun couldn’t stand it. Zhou Mi had accepted it with a passive silence, his eyes following Heechul with a hidden hurt. Kyuhyun wasn’t as strong as Zhou Mi, to let them tear each other apart as they watched the man they both loved run away from them.

And so he cornered Heechul one night and demanded answers.

It was storming, like that night so long ago when Kyuhyun had climbed into Heechul’s bed and slept there, protected from the thunder and lightning by his brother’s arms. He stared at the door that led to the bathroom they shared and stilled his rapidly beating heart.

He was surprised to find the door unlocked. He supposed that Heechul figured Kyuhyun wouldn’t try and come in without permission. He swallowed and opened the door.

Heechul looked up from his computer as the door swung open. His eyes widened slightly and he pulled out his headphones. “Kyuhyun?” Kyuhyun could hear rock music coming from the earbuds hanging around Heechul’s neck.

Heechul didn’t look like he was going to bolt, but he didn’t look pleased at the interruption either. Then again, Kim Heechul didn’t run from anything. He eyed Kyuhyun with the same haughty arrogance he’d come to love from his older brother and raised an eyebrow, “Well? What do you want? Shouldn’t you be sleeping? It’s past your bedtime.”

“I’m not a kid.” Kyuhyun snapped, before looking away. He hadn’t come to argue with Heechul about this. “I came to talk.”

“I’m busy.” Heechul replied snippily, reaching to put his headphones back in, as if that had ended the conversation.

Kyuhyun walked the few feet between the door and the bed and grabbed Heechul’s headphones, yanking them out of his ears. “Listen to me!”

Heechul seemed taken aback at Kyuhyun’s aggressiveness. He eyed him for a moment silently. “What is it?” He finally asked coldly.

“Why do you hate me?”

Heechul blinked. “…hate you?”

“You’ve been avoiding me ever since Zhou Mi and I said we were going out.” Kyuhyun felt it all coming out in a rush, all of the anger and hurt he’d felt since Heechul had stopped talking to him. “It’s obvious that you don’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

“What on earth are you talking about?” Heechul asked harshly, looking slightly offended at Kyuhyun’s conclusion.

"It's because you hate gays, isn't it?"

"No. Idiot, I don't have a problem with you being gay. Love whoever the hell you want to." Heechul snapped, nostrils flaring. He opened his mouth as if to say more but closed it, thinking better on it. His lips thinned in irritation. “I don’t fucking care who you’re in love with. I don’t.”

"It's because....it's Zhou Mi isn't it? You love him." Kyuhyun's throat was tight. "He loves you too. We were just going out but he likes you." He saw something flicker in Heechul’s eyes, and he took that as his answer.

So that was it.

Heechul loved Zhou Mi. How had he not seen it before? All this time…had he thought that Zhou Mi had loved Kyuhyun? Was that why he was angry at him?

"Ya, Kyuhyun-" Heechul had stood, and there was a desperate tinge to his voice.

“It’s fine.” Kyuhyun managed to get out, taking a step back. “It’s fine. I understand.” He swallowed, “Zhou Mi loves you too.” He fled the room before Heechul could say anymore.

---

It was Kyuhyun’s turn to avoid Heechul. Any time the older man tried to talk to him he scurried away.

Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun broke up and Zhou Mi started dating Heechul. Kyuhyun's mother hated Zhou Mi even more. "How could he leave my baby and seduce his brother?" And Heechul's father said nothing, but his eyes followed Kyuhyun everywhere he went.

Kyuhyun accepted it because Zhou Mi was his best friend. He was jealous and it hurt-it hurt so much-but this was better. Kyuhyun couldn’t love Heechul. Heechul was his brother, it just wasn’t possible.

At least Zhou Mi was happy. And Kyuhyun knew that he would treat Heechul better than anyone else in the world. Zhou Mi walked around with a constant smile on his face, and even though Heechul had gone back to France-he’d spent a week in the house for Christmas vacation with Kyuhyun giving him the silent treatment and had finally yelled at him before storming to his room and leaving the next day and hadn’t come home since-Kyuhyun knew that they kept in touch.

He could tell from Zhou Mi’s expression that Zhou Mi had asked Heechul out and that he’d accepted. Zhou Mi even went to France once on one of his own breaks to visit. Kyuhyun had never been so depressed in his life. That week had been the worst.

He doubled up on all of his classes to keep himself busy. He didn’t sleep much anymore, and he found himself nodding off in class several times. Sungmin had called him and announced that he was back in Korea and needed someone to pick him up at the airport. Kyuhyun had accepted the job of chauffer gladly.

He hadn’t talked to Sungmin in forever and he needed badly to talk to someone. Donghae always seemed to be busy with Kibum and Eunhyuk was dating a girl from the dance department at his university. Besides, he couldn’t talk to those two about Zhou Mi and Heechul. Sungmin…Sungmin would understand. Sungmin always understood, perhaps even more than Zhou Mi.

He was halfway to the airport when he nodded off at the wheel. There was a moment of silence and the next moment he was flying through the windowshield. He hit the asphalt and rolled and his body felt like it was on fire.

He swallowed but his throat was filled with blood and he was choking. He couldn’t breathe. His eyes slowly closed and his last thought before falling unconscious was that it was cold, and he was more afraid now than he’d been the night he was six and it had been storming.

---

He was awake but he couldn’t open his eyes. He didn’t know how long he’d been awake, because he wasn’t even sure if he was. His body wouldn’t move. He felt like he was suspended in nothingness. It was dark, but at the same time it wasn’t. It was just…blank. There was nothing there. He was nothing. He simply was. Or wasn’t. He didn’t know.

He could hear voices. He woke up to his mother sobbing. She was praying, and he wanted to tell her that it was alright. He was fine. He was going to be fine. But he couldn’t open his mouth. He couldn’t do anything but lie there and listen to her crying.

His father led her out of the room and it went silent.

The next time Kyuhyun was aware of someone, it was a voice he hadn’t thought to hear again.

“Kyuhyun…?”

He wanted to swallow, but he couldn’t move. He recognized the soft, ragged whisper instantly. But why was Heechul there? He’d been unable to feel anything before, but he swore his hand felt warmer, could almost imagine Heechul holding his hand inside of his own as he spoke.

“You’re an idiot. You’re the biggest idiot I’ve ever met. Fuck your three college degrees, you’re so stupid.” Heechul managed to get out, before he had to swallow back tears.

Had Heechul come here just to yell at him? He wasn’t a little kid, he didn’t need to be patronized. But Heechul’s voice shook, and Kyuhyun wanted to open his eyes so badly.

“I spoke with Zhou Mi when he came to visit. He told me everything. God, you idiot!” Heechul hissed out, and the pressure around Kyuhyun’s hand seemed to intensify. Kyuhyun could feel the tips of his fingers now, and he tried to move them but it hurt, and it took too much energy.

He spoke with Zhou Mi? About what?

“I’ve never loved Zhou Mi. It’s always been you. You...you...god, please wake up, Kyuhyun.”

He was awake! He was! He just couldn’t open his eyes. Kyuhyun felt his breath catch-or maybe he imagined it. What did Heechul mean? Kyuhyun must have been dreaming. Maybe he’d finally died, or he was hallucinating.

Heechul was crying. Kyuhyun could distinctly feel his hand now. Heechul had interlaced their fingers. He was crying, because there were tears on Kyuhyun’s cheeks. “Please wake up, please.”

Heechul slowly came into focus. His outline was blurry for a few moments, until Kyuhyun blinked and his eyesight cleared. His head hurt, and the light above him made him squint. Heechul was staring at their joined hands, and his shoulders were shaking.

Kyuhyun opened his mouth, but no sound came out. His throat was dry. He swallowed and tried again. This time he let out a small gasp, but his throat hurt, and it sent a stabbing pain down his body. Heechul turned at the noise and their eyes met.

Heechul was pale, his face drawn. His eyes were swollen from crying as he stared in silent shock for what felt like an eternity. Slowly he held out a hand and touched Kyuhyun’s cheek. “…Kyuhyun…?”

Kyuhyun tried to smile but it ended in a wince.

“Kyuhyun!” Heechul let out a relieved cry. He held his face between his hands and stared at him for a long moment before he let out a soft laugh. “I’m going to kill you when you get home.”

Kyuhyun wanted to tell Heechul that he was going to use his heartfelt confession as blackmail later, that he was never going to let him take it back, but Heechul was kissing him and his throat hurt and the nurse had come in and was yelling at Heechul for moving Kyuhyun until she saw that he was awake and let out a happy exclamation of surprise.

The next few hours went by in a blur as doctors looked him over and his parents arrived and Zhou Mi appeared with a secretive, happy smile.

The entire time, Heechul held his hand tightly in his own.