The Story That Has No Name Yet (Part/Chapter/Installment/Episode 6)
Title: The Story That Has No Name Yet (Part/Chapter/Installment/Episode 6)
Pairings: girl!KanginxLeeteuk, MysteryxZhouMixgirl!rock, HeechulxHenry, HenryxMaple syrup, girl!SiwonxKyuhyun, mystery!YesungxRyeowook, EunhyukxSungmin, DonghaexHangeng, KibumxKibumxKibum, Minho x Nichkhun, Onew x Luna
Rating: R (but mostly because of the mentionings of things)
Warnings: mpreg, incest (tripletcest), mindless fuckery, genderswich, statutory rape, prostitution, crossdressing, this story will come in random installments and maybe have a plot
Genre: AU, crack, werewolf, vampire, highschool, satan\angel, crime, mafia, so much crack, Harry Potter crossover
Summary: Every single genre of fanfiction ever written thrown into one story…in which Kangin is a woman and Leeteuk is gay, Henry loves maple syrup a little too much to be normal, Kibum is a vampire, Minho is a horrible guardian angel, Kyuhyun fights for animal rights, Siwon is a werewolf, and Sungmin goes to Hogwarts. Oh, and Ryeowook is a fish. And somehow a plot was born.
Part/Chapter/Installment/Episode 5 < ----- > Part/Chapter/Installment/Episode 7
---
His rounds at the hospital had gotten boring as of late. Nothing excited him anymore. He didn’t even enjoy the splenectomy he’d performed earlier that morning, or the surprise emergency endarterectomy he’d just finished.
No, life had no meaning anymore…not after he’d met that beautiful blonde doctor and realized that he was alone, terribly alone, and lived in an apartment with two insane gay men and a straight college student who thought he was a cat.
Was this how he was going to live? Was he going to live in that apartment with them forever? He knew that sooner or later Leeteuk and Heechul would settle down with their significant male lover (Heechul would probably have a harem) and it would be just him and Kyuhyun.
Oh god, he was going to become the crazy old cat lady!
“Doctor Zhou, are you alright?”
Zhou Mi blinked and turned to the nurse who was staring at him worriedly, holding a clipboard to her chest.
Zhou Mi gave her a tired smile. “Of course. What makes you think otherwise?”
“You were bashing your head against the wall earlier, sir.” The nurse whispered softly.
“Oh.” Zhou Mi laughed, “Oh don’t mind me. I just have a headache. I think I’ll head to the cafeteria and get something to eat. I don’t have anything else scheduled until this afternoon, right?”
“Ah, right.” The nurse nodded slowly, looking unconvinced.
Zhou Mi brushed past her, ignoring her “Sir, the cafeteria is in the other direction!” and punched the down arrow on the elevator. He wedged himself into a corner, ignoring the patients and visitors and other medical staff that were stuffed into the elevator with him.
It was at times like these that he was glad he was tall and very very thin. He got out on the first floor, and a few moments later he found himself sitting on the rock wall at the front of the building wishing he had a cigarette. Not that he smoked, but he was stressed and people who liked smoking did that when they were stressed, right?
Maybe he could call Heechul. Then they could go shopping and look at hot boys and flirt shamelessly with them and he’d remember why he was single: it was fun and refreshing. No, that was what Heechul always told him but Zhou Mi didn’t WANT to be single. He wanted a MAN!
He leaned against the wall until he heard a soft “pop” and then a clatter against the cement walkway. He blinked, looking down to see that one of the stones from the wall had broken off. He bent down and sighed, before picking the rock up. “Hello little rock, it looks like it’s just you and me. You’re all alone too, aren’t you?”
He realized that talking to a rock was probably not the sanest thing to do, but the rock was there and it would listen…as well as a rock could. “You’re oddly pretty for a wall-rock.” He blinked, turning it around in his hand. “You’re all sparkly and…I’ll have to ask Kyuhyun what kind of rock you are. He knows things like that.” Zhou Mi rethought that. “Actually he’ll only know if you’re a type of rock from one of his RPGs so perhaps not.”
Why did it matter if he found out what kind of rock it was? It was a rock that had broken off of the wall. It was pointless and useless.
But it was light pink.
“…I bet Dr. Nichkhun likes pink…” Zhou Mi sighed, staring lovingly at the rock. “Rock, maybe you’re a good luck charm? Like those feng shui crystals that give off good energy? I need some good energy. Bad energy is bad for my skin. It’s starting to get oily like Kyuhyun’s! I can’t afford to have zits.” He smiled cheerfully at the rock. “You’ll be my good luck charm from now on. You’ll help me get that hot doctor Nichkhun, right? Right.”
He slipped the rock into his pocket and patted it lovingly. “We’ll get along swimmingly, Priscilla.”
---
It took all of Leeteuk’s courage to go inside the McDonalds. In fact, he stood outside for at least a good five minutes hyperventilating until he realized that people were staring and a grandmother grabbed her grandson and headed back to their car with a comment of, “See Jinwoon-ah? That is why drugs are bad for you.”
He took a few more deep breaths and then entered the restaurant. At first he didn’t see his beloved cross-dressing angel, only the other girl that had been there before, looking bored as she took someone’s order and smacked her gum.
And then Kangin came out of the girl’s bathroom-Leeteuk wasn’t given enough time to wonder why he’d come out of the girl’s restroom-because he’d bent down to tie his shoe and Leeteuk found himself staring at a perfectly rounded butt hidden beneath a short plaid skirt.
Such a perfect ass. Such a manly, wonderful ass. Ah but wait, did that mean that he wanted Leeteuk to top? Oh my, that would be an interesting turn of events…
“Sir…are you going to just giggle there like a pervert or are you going to order?”
Leeteuk jumped at the cashier’s voice. The chubby girl was staring at him oddly, one eyebrow raised, chewing her gum loudly. “Well?” At her voice Kangin had turned as well, spotted Leeteuk standing in line and had pressed herself up against the restroom door, hoping he hadn’t seen her.
Oh god it was him! Look at him standing there looking so smart, so studious, ordering his food. No one could order a fish filet sandwich quite as beautifully as him. It was like an artform…
“Ya! Kangin! Did you restock the toilet paper!?”
Kangin winced at her manager’s words and nodded hastily. Oh dear now he was staring at her! Oh god, why had the manager said something so embarrassing? Kangin tried to hide her face as she scurried back into the “Employees Only” section of the restaurant, hoping she could hide out in the kitchen and watch Tall, Pale, and Dorky without fear of being spotted. As she did just that, sighing longingly as she watched Shindong take his order, she felt her cell phone vibrate. She grabbed it from where she’d stuck it in her sock and flipped it open. It was a text from Siwon.
Girl’s night out? Oh yes, definitely! She could tell Siwon all about the handsome ajusshi-her oppa. We’ll be there, Won Won!
---
“Keep running!”
“Ah, cramp! Cramp!” Kyuhyun whined, stumbling. Heechul tugged him back up, dodged a trashcan and several old office ladies.
“I told you not to drink your milk so quickly, it always upsets your stomach!”
Kyuhyun didn’t reply. He was having a hard enough time running in the shoes that Heechul had given him. They were Leeteuk’s, because their shoe size was similar, but they still pinched every time he took a step. He hated shoes. Why couldn’t he go around barefoot? Cats didn’t wear shoes!
“Where are we going?”
“To the mall. We’ll lose him inside, sneak out the back, and call a taxi.” Heechul gasped out, “And then…and then we’re moving.”
“Huh?”
“He knows where I live.” Heechul grunted, ignoring the shouts from behind them to wait. “God, if his bodyguard catches up we’re dead, Kyuhyun. Dead.”
Kyuhyun made the mistake of looking back for a moment to see how close the bodyguard was. Oh god, she was almost on them. “She wouldn’t hurt an animal, would she?”
“She’d probably skin you alive and make you into a muffler.”
Kyuhyun whimpered, picking up his speed, digging his claws into the designer fabric of Heechul’s shirt. He could see the mall coming up quickly. People had begun to part for them as they saw them coming. Kyuhyun was surprised that Heechul could run so well in his three-inch heels but it was Heechul so he guessed that was answer enough.
Almost there! Salvation! Maybe he’d even be able to head to the pet store and free all of his brethren!
And that’s when he was tackled to the ground. He let out a loud yowl, trying to land on his feet, but it was difficult to do so when someone was sitting on your back, twisting your arms behind you painfully. He hissed.
“Kyu!” Heechul skidded to a halt as Kyuhyun went down. “Ya! Get off my dongsaeng!” He may have been terrified of the woman, but there was no way he was going to let her hurt his cat-friend! His friend!
Before he could get to the woman Henry was beside him, grabbing his arm and twirling him around. “Hey!” He was panting, breathless, and every time he took a deep breath his cheeks puffed out rather cutely. Not that Heechul cared how adorable the mafia boss looked. Baby faces on mafia bosses always meant that there was something twisted about them. “Why did you run?”
“Let go of Kyuhyun.” Heechul snapped angrily.
Henry blinked. He’d never been…yelled at before. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like it one bit. He bit the inside of his cheek, glaring at the boy in the fur coat that Heechul seemed to care about so much. “Amber.”
Amber slowly climbed off, pulling Kyuhyun to his feet. Kyuhyun was trembling, and his knees were bleeding from where they’d scraped against the sidewalk. Heechul wrenched his arm out of Henry’s grasp. “Someone has probably already called the police.” He motioned to the growing crowd around them. “So I think you should leave.”
“Go on a date with me.”
“I said leave-wait, what?” Heechul stared incredulously. “Did you just…are you fucking serious?”
“Tomorrow night. Pierre Gagnaire à Séoul at 6.” Henry managed to get out between gasps for air.
“No.” Heechul deadpanned. He reached for Kyuhyun. “Come on, we’re leaving.” Kyuhyun took a step toward him gratefully, looking terrified.
“What? Why not?” People didn’t refuse Henry Lau. People who said no to him ended up dead.
Heechul had gotten past his fear of death in his anger at the sight of Kyuhyun’s bleeding knees. “You think that I’m going to go out with someone who just injured my dongsaeng? Aish, are you that dense?”
Amber growled in the back of her throat, and Kyuhyun was reminded of a Doberman pinscher. He winced and took another step toward Heechul and away from the female.
Henry didn’t appreciate being called stupid, or being rejected for a date. He swallowed back the urge to hit something. He didn’t think hitting Heechul-or his tacky dongsaeng-was going to get him brownie points anywhere.
Heechul shivered as a particularly cold gust of wind swept past them. Henry spotted the action instantly and frowned. Why was Heechul wearing such a thin shirt? It was cold outside! He turned to Kyuhyun, in his knee-length fur coat.
“Ya! Your hyung is cold!” He grabbed Kyuhyun’s coat and tugged. “You should give him your jacket!” The coat slid off easily enough, and there was a long moment of silence as Henry stared.
“IDIOT!” Heechul shrieked.
The crowd around them burst into screams.
How was Henry supposed to know that Kyuhyun was naked underneath his coat?
---
“I’m glad that everyone could come on such short notice. Thank you all for your time and consideration.” Nichkhun smiled brightly at the people sitting around the long table.
Everyone around the table exchanged exasperated looks with one another. Ever since Nichkhun had taken over the role of Satan, their jobs had become decidedly less…evil. Nichkhun seemed to try his hardest to give them simple jobs that never caused too much harm.
Was he even qualified to be Satan? It was really problematic to the whole “evil demon” thing the rest of them were going for. Was this the Big G’s way of playing a joke?
“As you know, our sales have gone down by five percent, so I was wondering if anyone-”
“That’s what this is about!?” Dongho shouted, shooting up out of his chair. “We’re here to discuss how you run hell, not your Starbucks franchise!”
“…Starbucks and Hell are the same thing!” Nichkhun defended. “If we can take over the world through monopolizing the caffeine market, well, that’s evil, right?” He flashed a weak smile.
His followers did not seem amused.
Nichkhun chuckled softly, “So um, ah…I’ll go to some graphs now…” He turned to the projector. “So if everyone could avert their attention to the screen…”
It was that moment that Onew burst into the conference room, holding a tray of scalding coffee. “I brought the coffee! I’m sorry I’m late! I-woops!” He tripped-nothing unusual there-and ended up sending scalding coffee flying through the air to splash on a few helpless demons that had been seated near the doorway.
The rest of the table applauded.
“Weak.” Dongho muttered.
Nichkhun stared at the demons dripping coffee, and the others who looked mildly amused at the incident, and at Dongho who was unimpressed. “Um, yes! This is part of the new Hell marketing plan! Onew-ssi came up with it. After the customers buy their coffee, we throw it in their faces and give them third-degree burns! This way they’re hurt AND we get paid! Good, huh? Huh?”
---
Hangeng was getting tired of waking up in his apartment after fainting. He didn’t want it to become some kind of habit. He groaned, rubbing his head. He looked furtively around the bedroom. Wait…how had he gotten to his bed?
He quickly stumbled to the door and did a quick once-over of the living room and kitchen. Nothing. The bathroom was next, and it was empty as well. Hangeng stood in the middle of the living room and let out a slow sigh as he slumped down onto his couch.
It was…all a dream. There was no Donghae. He hadn’t slept with his student. Everything was fine. It was all…just a really horrible nightmare. He must have eaten some undercooked meat or something.
What time was it? He looked to the side table where his phone lay and picked it up, flipping it open. As he did so, he spotted a note that had been lying under it. He frowned, picking up the piece of paper.
I made sure to put my number in your phone. Call me next time!
Hangeng swallowed, before he scrolled through his contacts. Sure enough, Lee Donghae’s name appeared halfway down the list.
Oh god…
---
Taemin had expected the bullying. He’d expected to get a slushy to the face and shoved into a locker. He hadn’t expected the acne-ridden nerd from 3-B to already be in the locker but, well, he had to make due. At least they were both really skinny.
He’d been stuck in said locker with said boy from 3-B for about two hours after the ending bell for school had rung and it was staring to smell. He didn’t even know whose locker it was, but there were old gym shorts at the bottom.
They smelled like the janitor’s feet.
As Taemin began to fear asphyxiation, the locker was opened and he stumbled out, coughing. The boy from 3-B leapt out from behind him and left without another word down the hallway. So much for loyalty among bullied…
Taemin looked up and blinked. “Oh. Hi hyung.” He should have known it was him. “How did you know I was in there? This isn’t your locker.”
Jonghyun scoffed, “I smelled you, of course. It isn’t that difficult to do. I have a great sense of smell.”
Taemin sighed. He wondered if Jonghyun knew that his dinosaur hoodie didn’t actually make him a dinosaur. No…he didn’t suspect so. Jonghyun had been like this since they were little kids. He even actually bit people. But then again, he’d never bitten Taemin, so he supposed he couldn’t complain.
“You missed sixth and seventh period.”
Jonghyun shrugged, “I was out hunting.”
“Did you catch anything this time?” Like a bag of chips from the vending machine? I’m starving…
Jonghyun looked momentarily defeated. “No…the fat one was too intelligent.”
“The one that got away?” Taemin blinked. Was this the same “fat one” Jonghyun complained about daily? Was this person the only “fat one” he ever stalked? Was it because the other “fat ones” had all filed restraining orders against him?
Jonghyun nodded solemnly, before grinning. “Taeminnie, we should go to the arcade!”
“The arcade?” Taemin thought about it for a moment. He didn’t have anything in his schedule for the day… “Alright, let’s go!”
“We need to find the Kibums!” Jonghyun decided. “They’re part of our pack as well.”
“…do dinosaurs even travel in packs?” Taemin wondered aloud, more to himself than Jonghyun, who he didn’t suspect would answer. Taemin didn’t think that the Kibum brothers even knew they were part of Jonghyun’s pack. He’d kind of decided that on his own at the beginning of the year. Had they ever even talked? He felt like maybe Jonghyun talked with the youngest one on occasion. He also seemed to believe that the eldest Kibum was their Great Leader, something about his large gleaming fangs.
Taemin sighed. “…alright. Let’s um, go find them.”
---
Key didn’t like this guy, not one bit. The moment the tall man had walked into the room in his expensive clothes and bedazzled glove, Key decided he hated him. Key and the man sat in their kitchen awkwardly as Kibum went to get their older brother.
The man continued to smile. Key continued to glare.
“Um…hello? Do I know you?”
Key and their visitor turned to see the other two Kibum’s standing in the doorway, the eldest looking at their visitor curiously. The younger was holding onto his brother’s waist and staring inquiringly at the visitor from behind.
The visitor smiled. “I’m sorry for not calling before I came over. It was very rude of me.” He bowed his head. “I need to talk with you…privately, Kim Kibum-ssi.”
“Anything you want to say to hyung you can say to us!” Kibum called over his brother’s head, tightening his grip on his waist. Key rolled his eyes at Kibum’s immature move, but nodded. “Kibum is right. Our hyung doesn’t keep secrets from us.”
“Both of you stay here.” Kibum murmured, detaching himself from his younger brother’s hold. “We’ll be in my room.”
“Wh…what?” Key blinked in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“Yeah!” Kibum shot back, frowning, “We don’t keep secrets, hyung!”
“Both of you just stay here.” Kibum ordered, sounding a little angry, before he turned to their visitor. “Follow me.” The visitor gave another smile and nodded, stepping into the hallway. Kibum knew that his brothers would obey his order. He didn’t want to make them sad, or suspicious, but he’d known since the moment the man had walked in that he was a vampire.
They made it to the bedroom and Kibum closed the door behind him, before turning. “Who are you?”
“I’m sorry I haven’t introduced myself.” The vampire grinned, showing off his pointed teeth this time. “My name is Shim Changmin, and I’m here to explain what exactly happened to you last summer.”