What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger: Siwon's Story
Note: Every two or so chapters there will be one of these background stories on the characters and how they came to know about GAM, etc. They won't be in any particular order, but I felt like writing Siwon's first because he's barely mentioned at all in the first two chapters. So...enjoy!
Chapter 2 < ------ > Chapter 3
Siwon’s Story:
Siwon had grown up in a loving family. He’d lived in a perfect home in a perfect town with a perfect mother and father. He was a perfect son who got perfect grades and won ball games and went to church every Sunday.
There had been nothing lacking in Siwon’s life. He’d been accepted into one of the top schools in the country. He had enough scholarships to pay for everything (he was a good son, he’d never make his parents pay for his college education) and he had been planning on transferring to a school in the United States after a year or so of studying in Seoul.
He was even dating; a perfect girl from a perfect family like his with perfect looks and perfect parents, of course. Siwon’s life had been completely planned out for him and he’d been fine with that.
He’d contracted the GAM virus in his first week at University.
The government told his family that he’d died in a car crash.
---
Siwon didn’t remember how long he’d been sleeping. He felt like he had been drifting in and out of consciousness for a few days. His entire body ached and when he opened his eyes, they immediately began to burn. He blinked away tears and pain and allowed his sight to adjust to the light.
He found himself staring up at the same ceiling he’d seen throughout the last few days when he’d been coherent enough to notice. White spackle with a bright overhead light just above his head. He could hear a faint beeping and managed to turn his head to see a machine attached to his arm through an IV.
He didn’t recall being so sick…had he collapsed? He vaguely remembered feeling a little unwell and going to the University health center, but then everything went blank. After that there were only the small moments of consciousness where he was staring at that same ceiling as he did now, body numb and burning at the same time.
“Sir, he’s awake!”
Someone was standing over him, the light reflecting off of their glasses. There was lots of shuffling, and then many people were around him, checking his vitals, scribbling things down on notepads. The grating of pen against paper was abnormally loud and his head throbbed. He let out a small groan and tried to turn over, away from the light and sounds and people.
Someone forced him onto his back, “You’ll pull out the IV. Stop moving around.” Brisk. Taciturn. Uncaring. There wasn’t a hint of feeling in the comment at all. Siwon merely blinked a few times, trying to blink away the fuzziness that surrounded the people standing above him.
Finally, a new shadow appeared, larger and hulkier than the three or so that buzzed around him taking notes. Siwon’s vision slowly cleared and the person came into focus. Their shadow had seemed bigger than they actually were.
It was an older man, hunched over, with a hawk-like nose and a piercing gaze. He was clean-shaven and stern, the wrinkles on his face liked carved folds in stone.
Siwon later learned the man’s name was Dr. Hong.
He also learned that he’d contracted GAM.
And survived.
---
Siwon was taken to his “room” after everything had been explained to him. He still wasn’t sure if he could believe everything they’d told him but he followed silently. The drugs he’d been on for the past week-weeks? He had little to no concept of time at the moment-were still making their way out of his system so he numbly did whatever the men ordered him to do.
His brain was too muddled for him to try and comprehend what was going on. It was easier to just follow orders. It was the only reason he hadn’t demanded to go home, to see his parents, to tell them he was alright.
His room was more like a dorm than anything else. He saw an empty bed with no other belongings and assumed it was his. Aside from his he saw three other beds in the room. Two of them were empty, but the fourth had one occupant.
He was a thin man with vibrant red hair. Fluorescent. It hurt Siwon’s eyes just to look at it. The man hadn’t looked up when Siwon and his guide had entered the room, simply continued reading and petting the cat that was sitting on his chest. After a few pages he glanced up at Siwon before returning to his book.
His guide bowed hurriedly to the red-head. “Kim Heechul-ssi, this is your new roommate.”
The redhead looked up again, eyes flashing in annoyance at being interrupted. He closed his book slowly.
Siwon took this as a sign to introduce himself. Should he introduce himself? He still didn’t even know what the heck was going on. “I’m Choi Siwon.” But it was the polite thing to do, and Siwon was always polite.
Heechul snorted, sitting up fully. The cat dropped from his chest to his lap with a small meow before snuggling there, looking up at Siwon with large golden eyes.
“Because he’s in your room it’s your job to look after him and show him around. He’ll begin his training regimen tomorrow and-”
“You can leave now.” Heechul drawled.
The guide quickly nodded and backed out of the room, leaving Siwon alone with the older boy. He assumed he was older at least. He looked feminine and fragile but he held the persona of someone used to being listened to and respected.
Siwon only then noticed that the man was wearing black leather gloves.
“Ah, I…” Siwon began, but was stopped as Heechul began speaking.
“I’m assuming that they’ve told you what happened to you, right?” Heechul began stretching, his knuckles cracking as he interlaced his fingers and pulled.
“Um…yes. But I don’t…” Siwon paused, “I don’t really remember.”
Heechul rolled his eyes, nostrils flaring as he snorted, hands falling back to his sides. “What’s the last day you remember?”
“It was September 15th.” Siwon responded, not sure where this was going. He did, however, move to the empty bed and sit down on it hesitantly.
Heechul nodded, looking like he was only listening half-heartedly. “It’s October 5th so you’ve been out for a while. That explains it. The drugs haven’t been flushed out yet.”
Siwon stared. The 5th? But that…he’d been unconscious for twenty days!? Absurd. This didn’t make sense. “What are you talking about?”
“Well the painkillers usually fuck you up pretty bad.” Heechul continued, “I’m surprised you’re not drooling all over your shirt right now.” He grunted, ignoring the confused look that Siwon sent him. “Since you’ll be living in this room, let me explain a few things.” He leaned forward, and his face was cold, expressionless, and uncaring. “Don’t touch my things. Don’t touch me. Don’t ask me stupid questions, and don’t assume that because I’m your hyung that I’m going to give a shit about your problems, got it? This is where you live now so you might as well get used to it.”
With that said, he picked up his book and began reading again.
Siwon didn’t know how to respond to that. He was saved from having to by the small kitten, which had jumped off of Heechul’s lap and settled near the foot of the bed.
…and began changing.
The first thing Siwon noticed was the tail shrinking, and at the same time, the kitten was getting larger. Hair began dissapearing, melting into skin and Siwon put a hand to his mouth, glad that his stomach was currently empty so that there was nothing to throw up.
In a matter of moments there was a naked man on all fours at the foot of Heechul’s bed, grinning. He turned to Siwon, “Hey.” Then back to Heechul, “Hyung, that was really mean. He just got here.”
“Che.” Heechul didn’t look up from his book and didn’t seem remotely surprised that his kitten had just transformed into a naked human.
Siwon, on the other hand, was staring in complete horror. That had been a kitten and now…now it was…it was human? What was wrong with him? Had the GAM virus caused some long-term psychological problem? Siwon lifted a hand to his head and then let it drop back into his lap. “What…what just happened?”
“Do you get it now?” Heechul muttered, idly flipping another page. “Everything they told you is true. You aren’t dreaming.”
Siwon wished he was.
The naked boy had turned his attention back to Siwon by this point. “I’m Lee Donghae. As you can see, my ability is shape shifting.” He continued to grin, “Do you know your power yet?”
“He just woke up.” Heechul commented dully, “It probably won’t appear for a few days.”
“Power?” Siwon let out a small, incredulous laugh. “Powers don’t exist.” Except for the power of God, and this…this can’t be God’s work. He looked back at Donghae, who’d had the decency to grab a pillow and sit it in his lap, head cocked to one side.
He looked like a puppy.
“Of course they don’t.” Heechul responded dryly, “Kittens turn into humans on a regular basis. It’s nothing out of the ordinary at all.”
“That…” Siwon trailed off, because his thoughts were still a bit muddled and he really had no idea at all what he should believe. He’d seen it happen in front of his very eyes. But…did that make it real? Was this a test? Perhaps he had died and in order to get into heaven he was being tested.
No, that was stupid. God wouldn’t put him through this kind of ordeal. Siwon let out a small, frustrated groan.
“Are you sick?” Donghae asked brightly.
“I dunno.” Siwon mumbled, swallowing. His throat felt dry and his mouth tasted sour. “I don’t think so.”
“Oh.” Donghae nodded. Donghae, in human form, was a cheerful individual with the attention span and attitude of a five-year-old on Christmas morning. At first, Siwon couldn’t understand how someone with that kind of upbeat persona could be around Heechul who, from what he had gathered, was about as cuddly as a cactus.
“Hyung.” Donghae whined, grabbing on to Heechul’s waist and looking up at him pitifully. “Hyung, I’m hungry.”
“It’s noon. Everyone will be in the cafeteria right now.” Heechul shot back, staring down at him in barely veiled annoyance.
The scene would have been somewhat endearing, if Donghae weren’t naked.
As it were, Siwon still wasn’t comprehending much of anything because he was having an inner battle on whether or not to accept what was going on in the first place. So he didn’t find a naked Donghae hugging a grumpy red-headed Heechul cute or funny, or anything at all.
“Fine.” Heechul muttered, “I’m hungry anyway.”
---
The mess hall was aptly named. Siwon stared helplessly at the chaos surrounding him. Donghae was bouncing on his heels, looking excited and altogether too cheerful. Heechul had already navigated through the busiest section of the cafeteria and was heading toward a table in the far back.
It seemed as if the veteran members-of whatever this was, he didn’t know, Siwon was still entirely too confused to comprehend anything-were in the back of the cafeteria, secluded from the newer arrivals. Experience wasn’t measured by age, but by the tense, serious air that surrounded them.
Donghae seemed to be one of the few exceptions to that rule, still grinning as he sat across from Heechul. Siwon took the empty seat beside him, trying to ignore the stares from the others at the table.
“This is Choi Siwon.” Heechul muttered, reaching over and beginning to eat the food off of the plate to his left. The person sitting there merely gave a grin and nudged his tray over slightly. “He’s in my room.”
“Babysitting? I thought they knew better than to leave you alone with children.” The man who had offered his plate teased, and Siwon continued to stare in shock as Heechul merely grunted and shoved the man playfully in the arm.
Donghae was looking pitifully at Heechul’s rice bowl. “…hyung…”
“No.” Heechul held Donghae at bay with a chopstick. “Go get your own.” The man who he’d stolen the food from merely snickered, shaking his head with a wry smile and muttering something that sounded like “hypocrite” under his breath.
If Heechul heard he chose to ignore it. By this point, Donghae had resigned himself to his fate, “C’mon Siwon. Let’s go get something to eat.”
Siwon nodded, “Alright.” He was pretty hungry. The drugs had worn off when he’d been sitting in the room, listening to Heechul’s explanation. Now that he didn’t feel like he was walking on clouds he’d realized that his stomach was painfully empty.
Before he could stand up, however, he felt a warm pressure above his lip. He shot back from the table, his chair tipping, sending him sprawling onto the floor.
The resounding crash echoed and the entire cafeteria fell silent, as everyone turned to see what had happened.
Siwon looked up to see the man that had been sitting to his left staring down at him curiously, hand still extended from where he’d touched Siwon’s face.
Siwon lifted a hand slowly to where he’d been touched, unsure of what had just happened and embarrassed that everyone was staring at him.
And then Heechul began laughing, and the guy sitting next to him joined in until everyone at the table was laughing except for the man that was staring at Siwon and Siwon, who was still on the floor, entirely confused.
“That…” Heechul snickered, motioning to the boy who was still staring at Siwon. “That was great, Yesung.”
Yesung? Was that this man’s name?
Siwon managed to stumble to his feet, bending down to right his chair. He gave a small nod at Yesung. “Yesung-ssi, it’s nice to meet you.”
Yesung turned to Heechul. “Hyung, his is longer than mine.”
Heechul began cackling again.
---
It took a few days to adjust to his new lifestyle. He wasn’t used to training day in and day out. He wondered if this was what his 2 year military service would feel like-and then he’d have to remind himself that he wouldn’t ever be joining the military. Choi Siwon was dead, after all.
His power appeared about four days after waking up in the GAM project facility, when he realized he was late for training. He’d rushed for the communal showers and found himself standing outside it a moment later.
Actually, about 5.8 seconds after he’d begun running there.
“Alright horse, run it again!”
Siwon blinked, reaching up a hand to wipe the sweat from his forehead. He looked over at Heechul who stood a few feet away, red hair tied up in a ponytail, holding an odd looking device in one hand and an iPad in the other.
Siwon nodded, before taking off. He’d already run the course at least twenty times that morning. It wasn’t a difficult one-a normal obstacle course that forced him to do more than just run but was focused on testing his speed nonetheless.
He pulled himself up the rope and collapsed atop the platform, panting.
“14 seconds.” Heechul called from below. “Not bad. Again.”
Siwon wanted to complain. He wanted to tell Heechul no. He wanted to ask why Heechul was the one in charge of testing his new abilities in the first place, but he never did. There was always a warning glint in Heechul’s eyes; something that told him that Heechul’s reasoning for this kind of tutelage was well founded.
It didn’t make it any easier to do, however.
Super speed may have been his new “ability” but he’d learned early on that abilities had limitations. The calories he needed to consume in order to run that quickly were immense. If he wasn’t training he was eating, shoveling most anything he could into his mouth to keep up with training demands.
Sometimes he wondered why he trained, why any of them were doing this. When he asked Donghae, he always avoided the question. When he asked Yesung, he’d go quiet. When he asked Heechul, he told him to mind his own business.
Siwon climbed down the ladder, too lazy to hop down the distance-he could, it wasn’t too high-and headed toward the beginning of the course again. Heechul stopped him, however, holding out a water bottle. “Drink.” He ordered tersly, entering a few numbers into a spreadsheet-looking application on his iPad.
Siwon nodded, taking off the cap and chugging. He got a few mouthfuls down before the taste actually registered and he coughed, gagging. “What is this?”
“The lab sent it to me for you. Some kind of calorie cocktail.”
“It’s disgusting.”
Heechul grinned, “You should have seen your face. Your eyebrow shot up to your hairline.”
“Eyebrow?”
Heechul merely snickered again. “Drink it all. I have two more you’re supposed to chug before lunch.”
Siwon grimaced, but obediently put the bottle to his lips again. He didn’t know quite how to describe his relationship with Heechul. He still wasn’t certain why he was in Heechul’s “group” to begin with. His power was a nice one, but it wasn’t as useful as Yesung’s, or as devastating as Heechul’s. Actually, if he thought about it, it was kind of…ordinary.
Everyone had heard of super speed before.
But he’d been put in Heechul’s room even before he’d discovered his power and afterwards, Heechul had kept him in there. It was known around the facility that Heechul’s group was the elite. People that he kept around him were powerful.
Siwon didn’t know the reason behind it, he just knew that people knew who Heechul was and by default, everyone seemed to know who he was now too.
And now…everyone called him by his new nickname.
Horse.
Siwon sighed to himself, swallowing the last sickening dredges of the concoction from hell.
The door burst open and Donghae walked inside, grinning and holding an armful of packages. Yesung came in behind him with a similar burden, although he wasn’t looking quite as cheerful. Donghae held one of the plastic packages in his mouth and it was only after closer inspection that Siwon realized it was anpan.
“Rrrrk rmt re frmed!” Donghae exclaimed through a mouthful of plastic.
Siwon wasn’t quite certain what it translated into, but he assumed it was something along the lines of, “look what we found” and managed to grab a few as they tumbled out of Donghae’s arms.
“We found out that if you shoot a quarter into the vending machine fast enough, it gives you five of these and then you can just hit the “return change” button and get your quarter back.” Yesung supplied after noticing Siwon's and Heechul's curious glances.
“That’s stealing!” Siwon accused, and he looked down at the red bean past filled buns in disgust. They no longer seemed quite as appealing. “It’s immoral.”
Heechul snorted, “So what?” There was a bitterness to his words that made Siwon uncomfortable as the slender-framed man reached out and grabbed one of the Anpan, ripping the plastic open. "Morality doesn't exist here."
Donghae had taken the plastic-wrapped bun out of his mouth and grinned at Siwon, “Hey, so I was thinking, I wanna see if I can outrun you.”
“Even your cheetah isn’t fast enough.” Yesung put in. Donghae began pouting and arguing with him and Siwon laughed, momentarily forgetting the dark look that Heechul had shot him and his earlier words.
---
Slowly, Siwon began to forget about his life before entering the GAM project facility. His days consisted of training, eating, and slowly getting to know his roommates. Donghae was his first and closest friend. Yesung, after the initial awkwardness, became a hyung he could talk to, an understanding and quiet individual.
Heechul…Heechul was someone he’d never thought he’d actually like. He was brash and brutally honest and terrifyingly condescending. But he was also kind in a roundabout sort of way, and he watched out for his friends.
Siwon liked to believe that Heechul’s coldness was due to his ability, to not feeling because he couldn’t and a fear of doing so. In the end, Siwon got attached. He ignored Heechul’s harsh words and took to Donghae’s longtime hobby-cuddling with Heechul while the other man read.
Heechul, despite being so prickly in nature, was a very nice cuddle buddy, and Siwon enjoyed cuddling immensely.
He forgot that he was supposed to be in college. He forgot that his family missed him, that they didn’t know he was alive and well. He’d remember every once and a while, and he’d lay in his bed, wondering if he could sneak into Heechul’s without fear of death and hug him until he fell asleep.
Homesickness…was something he didn’t like at all.
But the one thing he never forgot was God, despite the arguments he got in with Heechul over it. Heechul wasn’t a religious person and he oftentimes stated this loudly just to annoy Siwon. It was the only time that Siwon ever fought with him…and it wasn’t so much fighting as it was Heechul glowering and Siwon calmly saying “hyung, let’s not talk about it anymore, alright?”.
Yesung and Donghae were Christian as well, but they never seemed quite as devoted as he was. Rather, they seemed…disheartened over the fact. Yesung was quieter about it, but Donghae would get a sad look on his face and his smile would fade and he’d ask Siwon if he was hungry.
Siwon didn’t understand why it seemed so difficult for them.
At least, until the day that he began training in the lower facilities.
Donghae, Yesung, and Heechul were out when one of the scientists came to the room and asked him to come with them. It wasn’t unusual for him to be alone. Because he hadn’t trained much with his powers, he wasn’t allowed to do whatever it was that the others did, to train in the lower facilities.
He was oddly excited over the prospect of finally going down there.
The room was large and empty, save for two men in lab coats and another man sitting in a fold-up chair in a corner of the room. The door closed behind him and he heard a soft click.
“Choi Siwon.”
Siwon looked over at the two men in lab-coats and noticed that the person who had spoken was Dr. Hong. He hadn’t seen the older man since the first time he’d woken up here. “Dr. Hong,” he bowed his head in greeting.
The older man gave a grunt and a scowl, before he cleared his throat. “Today we’ll begin testing your skills. Heechul-ssi has been recording your runs but it seems that he hasn’t begun testing your abilities on others yet.”
“Hm?” On others? What did he mean?
“That man.” Dr. Hong turned to the man sitting in the chair. “Run with him.”
“Eh-excuse me?”
“Pick him up and run with him.” Dr. Hong snapped. “We need to see if you’re capable of transporting someone else.”
Siwon nodded, not sure why he needed to do this. Of course he’d be able to transport someone else. Why wouldn’t he? Heechul never let you carry anyone else, even when Donghae suggested it that one time. Siwon frowned, remembering the look Heechul had shot them both and the glare he’d given them until they’d promised to never try it.
Did Heechul know something?
Siwon found himself next to the man. It couldn’t be bad. Dr. Hong wouldn’t make him do this if it were bad. Then he noticed that the man wasn’t moving. His eyes darted around, and he was breathing, but other than that, nothing. The scientist behind him was steadying him in the chair.
“Hurry it up!” Dr. Hong snapped. “Grab him and run to the other side of the room. Now!”
Siwon swallowed, but slowly picked the man up. He felt boneless, his entire body limp in Siwon’s arms.
“Now run!”
He did.
And that’s when the screaming began.
---
Siwon threw the door open. It slammed against the wall and bounced back harshly. Yesung and Donghae practically jumped at the sound. They’d been playing a game of cards on Yesung’s bed.
Heechul was sitting on his own bed, reading as usual.
“You…” Siwon stalked forward, but stopping in the middle of the room. He was pale, and there were tear tracks down his face. “You knew didn’t you!?!”
“Siwon, what are you-” Yesung began, but stopped at the look on Siwon’s face. Donghae was silent, as if he somehow knew what this was about.
Heechul simply closed his book with a sigh. “Knew about what?”
“YOU KNEW!”
“I know a lot of things.” Heechul drawled. “Unless you clarify, I can’t help.”
“You never let me run with anyone because you knew.” Siwon managed to get out, choking on tears. “You knew what would happen.”
Donghae and Yesung both turned to Heechul expectantly. The other man’s face was unreadable. He simply leaned his chin on his hand. “And?” he murmured, his voice cold.
Siwon stared at him, and his sadness and fury slowly faded into disgust. “You…” He swallowed, before he stormed out of the room as quickly as he’d come in.
---
Siwon didn’t talk to Heechul for three weeks.
In that time, he avoided Donghae and Yesung as well. Sleeping became awkward. Siwon would simply climb into bed and lay with his back to everyone else. When they tried to talk to him he brushed them off coldly.
Deep down, he knew it wasn’t their fault.
Yesung and Donghae had known about what they were “training” for. Did they have to do the same thing? Had they learned their “limitations” by doing those cruel things to people?
Heechul hyung…Heechul hyung had tried to keep it from him as long as possible. Was that why he’d taken him in and worked with him in the beginning? Had he been trying to keep him away from Dr. Hong and his white room now covered in crimson?
Siwon had killed someone. He was a murderer. He was being trained to become a killer.
How could God ever forgive him?
He knew he’d never forgive himself.
Eventually, however, he forced himself out of his depression. He couldn’t continue like this, not when he knew that Donghae was near tears every time he snapped at him, or that Yesung was secretly getting him food from the cafeteria and leaving it on the table before he left every day. And Heechul…Heechul had told them that Siwon was sick, that he needed rest, so that he wouldn’t have to go back to that room.
It was because of this that he knew he needed to talk to them.
But first, he needed to be forgiven.
The room was empty save for Heechul when he walked in later that morning. “Heechul hyung?” He whispered softly.
Heechul looked up at him lazily from where he was sitting at the table. It looked like he’d just gotten done with his shower, his hair a darker shade of red as water dripped down his bare neck and shoulders. “So, you can speak again?”
Siwon swallowed. “Hyung…is there a church service here?”
Heechul snorted, leaning back in the chair. “Church service? Want to confess your sins and have a fat man who molests children tell you that you’re forgiven?”
Siwon blinked. He hadn’t expected such a harsh reply, but he supposed he should have. “Hyung, don’t-” He didn’t want to get angry, but he could already feel it rising up in him.
“Because I’m sure that will make everything better.” Heechul continued in a drawl, his gaze meeting Siwon’s in a challenge.
“Shut up,” Siwon rasped. He didn’t need this right now. He didn’t need Heechul to be so fucking condescending when all he wanted was some comfort.
“A clean slate after killing all of those people…does it really work, Siwon? Do you really think you won’t go to hell just because some bible-spouting Father tells you you’re forgiven?”
Siwon had slammed Heechul up against the wall before he knew what he was doing. Fury blinded him as he wrapped his hands around Heechul’s throat. “Take it back!”
Heechul looked oddly calm for a man who was being strangled. He simply cleared his throat and managed to rasp out in a cool tone, “Why don’t you let me put my gloves on and we’ll have this talk like big boys.”
Siwon blinked, only then realizing that Heechul’s gloves were off and that the shorter man was holding his hands out to the side, making sure that they didn’t touch anything.
He hadn’t touched Siwon despite the fact that Siwon had been ready to kill him.
Ready to kill…Siwon…had almost killed him. Siwon swallowed. When had this happened? When had he gotten to the point where he let rage fuel his actions? Siwon let go as if burned and took a step back, still wary.
Heechul simply pulled on his gloves and walked over to his bed, sitting down on the edge of it. “Now then, why don’t you tell me what’s really bothering you?” It was said in that usual Heechul way, the kind that sounded like, “I really don’t give a fuck what’s wrong with you but it’s annoying and you’ll end up telling me anyway so let’s get it over with” but really meant that he cared.
Siwon was frustrated, and still angry over Heechul’s earlier words. “I told you I-”
“This isn’t about you not being able to go to church.” Heechul interrupted. “You’re sickened by what you’re being forced to do here.” A statement, almost a challenge, and Heechul’s eyes never left Siwon’s face.
“No. This is my job.” Siwon defended weakly. He wanted to believe that maybe, just maybe, what he was being forced to do was right, because then he could feel a little less guilty over it.
“Of course.” Heechul nodded, looking disinterested, “And it doesn’t bother you.”
“Not at all.” Siwon answered back, trying to sound firm, but he could hear the doubt in his own voice. “Why would it?” A question, because he didn’t know the answer himself and wanted confirmation.
“It’s against everything you stand for, isn’t it? Thou shalt not kill and all that jazz.” Serious, but mocking at the same time. Siwon had always known that Heechul didn’t care for religion, but it still stung the way Heechul treated it so irreverently.
But Siwon found himself crying instead of yelling angrily at the older man. He’d collapsed on the bed next to Heechul, his fingers grasping at the hem of Heechul’s shirt.
“He was screaming when I ran with him. So loud, I couldn’t hear anything else but the screaming. I’ll never forget that sound. I wanted to stop running but they wouldn’t let me and he just kept screaming.” Siwon inhaled sharply.
Heechul was silent, and the silence allowed Siwon to continue unhindered.
“Wh-when he finally died I-I was so relieved. I didn’t care at all that he had died. I wasn’t sad. I was just so happy that the screaming had stopped.” Siwon sobbed. “I just wanted it to stop so when it did I was happy hyung. What have I become?”
Heechul didn’t say anything for a long time. He listened to the sound of Siwon’s sobs and stared at the blank wall in front of him.
“Siwon,” he spoke softly, “I think it’s time I told you my secret.”