Could You Just Hold Me? 13/50
Chapter 13
Nick hung on to the phone like it was a life-line. First he spoke with Dean and was then handed over to Sam while Dean was driving but he still heard Dean's encouraging words out of the distance from time to time.
Nick didn't say much. He was tired and his body ached and he just wanted to get somewhere warm and save and sleep for a week. He lost track of time but every time Sam asked, he confirmed that he was still there, still awake, still waiting for them. However, it got harder by the minute and in the end he must have fallen asleep because all of a sudden, Dean was there.
Forgetting everything else he flung himself at Dean.
"Dean, you came."
"Of course, we came." He rubbed his back and hushed comforting words into his ear. Sam was there, too, and new tears welled in Nick's eyes.
"Can you walk?" Dean asked. When Nick's legs buckled under him and he whimpered in pain they instantly were at his sides, holding him close.
That was when Nick saw the man who was with Sam and Dean. At first he saw him just long enough to notice that the worn ball cap didn't go well with the suit he was wearing. Then he sat in the passenger seat of Dean's car like he belonged there and Nick just clung tighter to Dean.
"Motel or hospital?" Sam glanced at them through the mirror. "Dean, hospital?"
But that was the last thing Nick wanted. They would ask questions in the hospital. Questions he didn't want to answer to strangers. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to tell Sam and Dean.
"No hospital. Please." He answered before Dean could. They respected his wish without questions and Nick breathed in relief. Then Dean asked what had happened and Nick glanced at the stranger who openly sized him up.
He introduced himself as Bobby, a friend of Sam and Dean, and he was probably the one they had wanted to meet earlier but that didn't make him less a stranger. Pondering over that stranger kept Nick's mind busy and before he knew it Sam had parked the car in front of their motel and went to get them a room.
"We can talk inside." Sam said before he left the car. It sounded like a threat. Nick didn't want to talk about anything. He just wanted to forget. He wanted to sleep it off and never think about it ever again.
Somehow he ended up with Dean in the room alone.
"Two beds?" Nick asked when Dean helped him to sit down on one. Moving around had stirred up the pain in his lower regions.
"Bobby doesn't know." Dean knelt between Nick's legs. "Nick, can you tell me what happened?"
He fell forward, clinging to Dean again, who had to fight for his balance with his hands full of Nick.
"You can tell me. I'm here." Dean soothed him. "Something happened with a customer?"
Nick shook his head, face buried at Dean's neck.
"There was this woman." He reluctantly started, hiccuping with tears again. "She killed Aiden."
Dean's hands rubbed circles on his back but then he hit a tender spot and Nick hissed in pain.
"Nick, are you hurt?" Dean was already lifting his shirt, all gentle movements but Nick stiffened under his touch. "It's okay, I'm here. Just a quick look, I'm not going to touch you."
Nick nodded again and Dean glanced at his lower back where she had held him down while she … he didn't want to go there.
"Nick, what happened?" Dean sat next to him and when he smoothed the shirt back down, Nick breathed easier.
"She …" He started but he couldn't say it. How could he put something like this in words?
"Shh." Dean made, holding him in his arms and rocking him like he was a child. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But can you tell me about her? What did she look like?"
"Her eyes glowed green." Nick answered because that was a safe answer, insane maybe but safe. The second he'd said it he realized how insane it really sounded and sure enough, Dean's face hardened.
"Nick, could you wait here for a second?" Dean retreated from him and Nick let him go. "I have to tell Sam something but I'll be back in a second. Okay? I'll be right outside the door."
"Okay." Nick whispered. Dean slipped outside and Nick waited for the sound of his car coming to life. He was dirty now, a broken little toy, and he was talking nonsense. Of course Dean would want to get way from him.
To his surprise Dean came back in a few seconds later.
"Sam and Bobby are going to check your place. See what happened there." Dean informed him and sat down next to him on the bed. Nick snuggled closer, breathing in his scent. When Dean slung his arm around his shoulder Nick tensed for a second but then relaxed into the touch. This was Dean. Not her.
"You said you saw her eyes glowing." Dean started.
"Must have been a trick of the light." Nick tried to downplay it but Dean shook his head.
"Or not. There are some weird things out there. You're not crazy." His grip around Nick's shoulder tightened. "If they did glow, I think I know what happened to you. Did she kiss you?"
Nick swallowed against the lump in his throat. He couldn't tell Dean. If he told him, then Dean would know. Dean would know, how broken and sick he was. That he hadn't said no even if he'd wanted to. That he'd said please and that he'd begged for it.
"Nick, did she kiss you?" Dean repeated his question, still in a low voice, still gentle.
Nick nodded into his shoulder.
"She kissed you and then you wanted her."
"I didn't …" But he couldn't finish the sentence. Because Dean was right, he had wanted her.
"I know you didn't." Dean reassured him and he sounded like he really knew. "You didn't want it but suddenly you needed it, right?"
Another nod.
"It happened to me once, too." Dean admitted. "I know what it's like, what it feels like."
"She said she knows you." He whispered.
"She what?"
Nick flinched under the sudden outburst. Immediately Dean lowered his voice again.
"Look, I met one of those bitches once." He growled and suddenly Nick thought about the morning an eternity ago. Had that really been this morning when he'd given Dean a blowjob to calm down? "And I killed her. Or I thought I did."
"She knew your name." Nick continued, glad that the topic had switched from him to Dean. "And she asked about your brother. Sam."
"That bitch." Dean shifted a little bit, his arm dropped from Nick's shoulder and suddenly there was too much space between them. "I'm sorry, we should have told you. It's okay if you …"
"Please." Nick couldn't help the word escaping his lips and he hated how needy he sounded, just like … then. He reached for Dean. "I don't care if you're brothers or whatever, just, please, don't leave me."
"I'm here." The arm was back around his shoulder. "Not leaving."
They sat in silence for a moment before Dean cleared his throat.
"She's left some marks on your back, we should do something about that. Are you hurt anywhere else?"
Nick didn't answer.
"Nick?" Dean sighed. "Look man, I don't know the details or how you managed to get way from her, which by itself is pretty awesome by the way, but I know what those bitches usually do. I just need to make sure you don't have any other injuries."
It was oddly comforting that Dean already knew, or thought he knew, because then Nick didn't have to talk about it. Dean was right with the injuries part, though.
"I think she didn't like my bracelet." He held it up for Dean to see.
"You got her with the silver." Dean's eyes went wide with what Nick hoped was pride. "That's my boy."
But there was still an unanswered question in the room.
"Chopsticks." Nick whispered, kneading his hands in his lap. Dean didn't say anything, just hold him tight and waited for an explanation. "She … ehm … used chopsticks." Nick continued when Dean didn't seem to get it. "But I think it stopped bleeding."
He added the last part as an afterthought because the last thing he wanted was for Dean to check him for injuries there. The thought of getting it checked out in a hospital was worse but not by much.
"Nick." His voice trembled and tears fell openly from Dean's eyes. "I'm sorry."
Dean didn't say anything for a moment and the tension melted out of Nick enough for him to relax into his side again. He was so tired.
"Think you can manage a shower?"
Oh god, a shower sounded awesome, her scent still lingered on his skin, in his clothes, and he wanted nothing more than to scrub every memory of her off his skin. But a shower meant moving and Nick wasn't sure if he was up for that.
"Okay, let's do this." Dean stood up and urged him up with him.
They had showered together, all three of them, many times before but the thought alone of Dean helping him now brought the panic back.
Nick fought against Dean's hold and tumbled backwards on the bed.
"No, please. No." His breath hitched and everything disappeared in a fog of panic. He fought blindly, tried to get away.
"Shh, it's okay." Dean hushed him but didn't touch him. "Okay. This is the plan. I help you over to the bathroom and you do the rest alone. When you're done, you holler and I help you back and take care of your injuries. By then Sam should be back and you can have some of my clean clothes. Is that okay?" He nearly pleaded. "Can you do that?"
Nick wasn't so sure about the injury part or if he could stand long enough to take a shower on his own but he gave Dean a nod.
The shower sucked the last bit of energy he'd left out of him but it felt awesome. Leaning heavily on Dean he made his way back to the bed, his hand an iron fist holding a towel around his waist. He'd never felt so naked, so vulnerable in his life.
"Lay down on your stomach." Dean directed him to the bed where he took care of the marks on Nick's back. Nick clawed into the sheets and bit his lip to hold back the whimpers. Dean's fingers were gentle on him and Nick knew he could trust Dean but still. He lay stiff as a board and just prayed for it to be over.
"Nothing too bad." Dean reassured him while he put the last band-aid on a small cut. His hand rested on the low of Nick's back, just above the towel. "Nick, I have to have a look, you know that, right?"
Nick knew that. At least they had to find out if this was hospital worthy or not. He still didn't like it.
"Okay." He closed his eyes and hold his breath until it was over.
Dean's touch had never before felt so clinical. He talked him through every step but Nick still flinched when Dean put ointment on his most private part.
"You are a bit torn." Dean threw the blanket over him and Nick let out a breath. "But it doesn't look too bad."
Dean left to wash his hands which was enough to raise Nick's panic again. Which was ridiculous, he knew that, however, as soon as Dean was out of his line of sight, cold fear stole his breath.
"Nick, breathe." Dean was at his side in a heartbeat. "It's okay, I'm here."
With Dean's hand warm and comforting between his shoulder blades Nick drifted off to sleep.
continue to chapter 14
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