Gambling Debts 16/?
Chapter 16
"You know." Stiles suddenly spoke up from where he was still lying in the bed. "That doesn't have to be sexual either."
Derek swirled around but it was too late to pretend that he hadn't been lusting over the spanking bench.
"Or it can include sex but it doesn't have to mean anything outside of a scene." Stiles continued, now propped up on one elbow. "That's the beauty of BDSM, it can be whatever you want it to be."
"No, that's not …" Derek shook his head, not sure what to say. That was what he had with her, they had scenes with sex and everything but outside of that she had pretended to not even know him.
"Come back to bed." Stiles lifted the corner of the blanket for Derek to slip in. He was shivering but not really because it was chilly in the room and he was only wearing his boxers.
Derek slid in next to Stiles and then didn't know where to put his hands.
"Have you scened before?" Stiles asked gently and took his hand in his.
"Yes." Derek licked his lips. "I had a …" He didn't know how to describe her. For sure she hadn't been his girlfriend. "I was her sub."
"Did you like it?" His tone was neutral and Derek didn't dare to look at him to find out what kind of expression he was showing. Given that they were in his playroom he was probably not judging but Derek didn't want to take that risk.
"It was good." He said, ignoring her voice in the back of his mind. "Sometimes."
"Is it something you want?" Stiles asked farther still with that neutral tone.
Derek thought about it for a moment. Was it something he wanted? Was it something he wanted with Stiles? With her it hadn't really worked out, he hadn't been what she wanted after all, he had messed up too often. But maybe Stiles would have more patience with him? Maybe he could show him how to be better at this?
"Yes." He finally said, his mind still swirling with the what-ifs.
"We can give it a try." Stiles said, his hand still firmly in Derek's and now he gave it an encouraging squeeze. "Or I can introduce you to …"
"You." Derek interrupted him before he could finish the offer. "Only you."
He trusted Stiles. He was the only one Derek trusted enough for this.
"Okay." There was relief in his voice. "We can talk about the details tomorrow." He snuggled closer until his head rested on Derek's shoulder but he was still holding his hand.
"What is there to talk about?" Derek frowned. He had just agreed to being Stiles' sub. "You're the dom, I'm the sub. I do what you say and if I can't take it anymore I use my safe-word." He paused, shame burning in his cheeks. "But don't worry." He hurried to add. "I can take a beating and I heal, I won't ruin a scene by safe-wording."
"Whoa." Stiles shot up and was now looming over on him. "Dude, there is so much wrong with what you just said, I've no idea where to even start."
And of course he had ruined it before it had even started.
"I'm sorry." Derek ducked his head, not sure if he should get out of the bed now.
A hand on his chest stopped him from that, though.
"Hey, it's okay." Stiles soothed him. "Please stay."
Derek relaxed under his touch but he had still no idea what he had done wrong. At least Stiles didn't get angry. She would have called him stupid for not getting it.
"It's just." Stiles let out a breath. "I think whoever has been your dom before was really shitty at their job."
"What do you mean?" Something deep in him stirred. When he had started that thing with her, he had doubts but she had laughed it off and had just pointed out that he was new to this and she was the experienced one and if he thought that he knew better?
He had buried those doubts and worries but now they started to tuck at his mind again.
"For one, you don't ruin a scene by safe-wording." Stiles started and for a moment it looked like he was trying to hold back the words but he was fighting a losing battle from the start. "You don't beat somebody until he can't take it anymore and that you can heal is no excuse. Humans heal too it just takes us longer. It doesn't mean that you can inflict damage like that just because it's gone in a few minutes. And you don't have to struggle through crap just because sometimes it ends up to be good. If it's not good for the sub, if it's not good for both parties, something is wrong."
He paused and lowered himself to a more comfortable position.
"Have you ever heard the phrase safe, sane and consensual?"
He hadn't.
"It's the foundation of this lifestyle." Stiles said, his head back on Derek's shoulder. "If one of those three is missing, it's not BDSM anymore, it's abuse and rape, plain and simple."
Stiles probably knew what those words would do to Derek because he just hugged him closer and held him while Derek's mind was swirling.
She hadn't done that to him, right? He had liked what they did. Sometimes he hadn't liked it but that was the point of being a sub. To please his dom, to do what she asked of him to do no matter what. Sometimes you just have to power through.
Derek didn't find his way back to sleep that night but he lay comfortable in Stiles' arms while in his mind he went through everything she had ever said or done to him.
When it was late enough in the morning to get up, Derek slipped out of the bed. He was pretty sure that Stiles was awake enough to notice but he didn't try to hold him back.
Derek took a long shower and then dressed for the day. It was Thursday which meant work. Erica wanted to come by later and there were still things on Stiles' schedule he needed to take care off. Like counting rolls of toilet paper.
He made a face at himself in the mirror.
In broad daylight last night seemed surreal and for a moment he wasn't sure if it hadn't just been a weird dream.
It was still early in the morning, way earlier than they usually got up, but when Derek stepped out of his bedroom, Stiles was sitting at the table with coffee and their usual breakfast waiting for them.
"Morning." Stiles greeted him and poured him a cup which Derek took gratefully. After last night he would need all the coffee to get through the day.
They started to eat and Derek was hoping that Stiles would just not mention it. No such luck, though.
"I meant it." He said around a mouth full with pancakes. "I can dom you if you want."
Derek bought himself some time by putting a fork of scrambled eggs in his mouth and washing them down with a sip of coffee. He wanted to. He really did. He was just not sure if it was a good idea. But so far Stiles had been more understanding than she had ever been. Stiles understood him.
"I'd like that." His cheeks were burning and he kept his eyes fixed on his plate. Stiles should be the last person he felt ashamed to tell but admitting that he wanted this? It was hard.
"Great." Stiles gave him a broad grin. "But I'm telling you now, we're not going to do anything until we've talked about this and have cleared up some things."
"Now?" Derek asked and he hated himself for how dreadful he sounded.
"No." Stiles shook his head. "I have some things to prepare first. But tomorrow over breakfast?"
Derek had no idea what there was to prepare but he nodded numbly.
He made it through the day in a constant state of anticipation, dread and just feeling sick in the stomach.
Stiles seemed to sense that he needed time to think and drowned him in paperwork that bound him to his laptop most of the day.
"Nothing urgent." Stiles assured him when Derek gave him a questioning eyebrow. "Just see what you can get done today." Which in the end wasn't much but that was kind of the point.
Erica pulled him out of his thoughts for a little while and he was grateful for the distraction. He even teased Boyd when he just happened to join them when Erica was ready to leave. She asked him if he had dinner and then they were off to a date.
"He has it bad." Isaac laughed once they had left. They packed up in comfortable silence and for a moment Derek considered asking him for advice. By now Derek counted him as a friend and Isaac knew about the playroom but in the end Derek didn't say a word.
"What is all this?" Derek asked the next morning when he joined Stiles for breakfast. The table looked almost like back when Stiles had spent half the night putting together their contract.
"It's about what we talked about yesterday." Stiles looked up at him, a pen between his teeth. "If you're still interested."
Derek took a deep breath.
"I am." He answered. He hadn't slept much last night, his mind filled with ideas of what Stiles would do with him. By now he didn't want it, he needed it.
Stiles pushed a few sheets of paper in his direction.
Derek spared them only a glance for now, maybe he was stalling but he needed some coffee first. As far as he could tell it was some kind of survey. About his kinks?
"So what is this?" He flipped through the pages. "You're the dom, it's your decision what we do."
"Partly." Stiles drew in a breath and Derek knew this would be the talking part. "First we have to set up the sandbox. It's like the framework of what we're going to do. I'd say we stick to Wednesdays but we have to figure out if this is going to be a one scene only kind of thing or if we want to take it out of the playroom and make it a whole day kind of thing. Or something in between." He shrugged, waiting for Derek's reaction.
"Okay." That was something he had with her as well. A clear definition of their arrangement. She called, he want over, they had a scene, he left. "And this?" He tapped the survey.
"That's our box of toys." Stiles explained. "I took out everything sexual."
Derek breathed easier at that. He wasn't ready to add sex to the mix but he really wanted the rest. He had just never thought that he could have one without the other.
"So basically we're both going through the box of toys." Stiles gestured at the list. "And put them in the sandbox. In the middle we put our favorites, in one corner we pile the toys we would like to try out and in another corner we put the things we don't really care about but wouldn't mind playing with if the other one is interested. And next to the sandbox is a trashcan for the nope stuff."
"You really like that metaphor, don't you?"
Stiles grinned at him.
"Anyway." He continued. "Once we're done with our lists, and please be honest there, no judging I swear, we compare them."
"What if they don't match?" He asked before his mind caught up with how silly the question was. Of course the dom's choice trumped the sub's.
"Let's say you put the blue shovel in the nope trashcan but I put it in the sandbox as one of my favorites." Stiles really did like the metaphor but Derek was too busy bracing himself for the answer he knew was coming to actually care. "It goes into the trashcan."
"But ..." Derek started but Stiles interrupted him.
"It doesn't matter if it's my favorite. If one of us puts something in the trashcan, we won't do it." Stiles said as if he knew exactly what was going on in Derek's head.
Derek swallowed thickly. "Okay."
"And after that, when we know how big the sandbox is going to be and which toys we're going to play with." Stiles tapped the papers on the table. "Then it's my turn to decide if we're going to build a sandcastle or bake mud-cakes."
Chapter 17
Masterpost