Can't Save Me (17/24)
The first couple of days in rehab were the worst for Luke. He really wanted a drink but he couldn't. He was not allowed visitors yet, and that made it just as hard. He talked to his rehab therapist, Dr. Chance twice and talked with Dr. Jansen once already. He also had a group therapy session with others there. He made a friend, a young girl around his age, Kelly Jordan.
After about a week, things were starting to get better for him. He was not wanting to drink as much and he was okay with people touching his arms or hugging him. He was also allowed a visitor once a day. The first day, Lily and Holden came to see him. The second day, it was Casey. The third, it was Lily with Faith. Natalie and Ethan were too young and Luke didn't want them to see him while he was in there.
It was not until the end of the second week that Reid came to visit him. Luke was a little upset that it had taken him that long, but he knew that Reid was getting back to work, trying to catch up with everything he had missed. They talked for over an hour with each other.
Luke was not allowed his cell phone or his laptop. All he had to pass the time were his books and his writing, which he found to be very helpful to him. He was starting to write it all out as a novel of what had happened to him. He was not expecting to get it it published or anything, it was just to help him deal with what had happened to him.
By the third week, he was having enough of rehab and checked himself out. His mother picked him up and took him back to the farm. He couldn't deal with facing Reid because he felt like he failed to help himself. All alcohol had been removed from the farm so he wouldn't slip back into drinking. He was also watched like a hawk by just about everyone.
It was almost like rehab, except at the farm he had his phone and laptop, he could roam around the grounds of the farm, help with the chores, go horseback riding, go swimming (if he wanted to freeze that was) and he was around his family for support the whole time.
But that did not last very long in the end either and before he knew it, he was getting ready to head to Washington D.C. to stay with his grandma Emma, who was still there while his aunt Meg was getting the help that she needed from what Damian had done to her just months before. It was Luke's idea and decision to move to D.C. with his grandma, he just didn't know how he was going to tell Reid he was leaving.
That was how he found himself in the stables, standing in front of one of the stalls, running his hand down one of the horses noses, talking to himself and the horse. When he heard the door, he looked up to see Reid slowly making his way over to him, stopping a few feet away.
"You found me." Luke turned back to the horse.
"Your dad called and told me you checked out of rehab a couple of days ago and now you're leaving."
Luke nodded, "I'm going to Washington D.C. to stay with my grandma."
"How long?"
"I don't know."
"Is there a reason you weren't going to tell me?"
"I was, Reid. I was going to tell you before I left." Luke finally turned to the older man.
"When are you leaving?"
"Tomorrow morning."
Reid snorted and sat down on a bench, across from the stalls and Luke, "So what, you were just going to give me a call tonight and tell me you are leaving town for God knows how long and then hang up?"
"Please, I don't want to fight." Luke walked over to him and sat down, keeping a little distance between them, "Rehab was good, it was helping me, but then it wasn't. I think I just need time for myself, away from Oakdale."
"I get that, I do, Luke." Reid pinched the bridge of his nose, "I just don't understand why you've been out of rehab for almost a week and I just found out today."
"I couldn't tell you." Luke looked down at his feet.
"Why not?"
Luke shrugged, "I figured you would be mad that I just gave up."
"But you haven't. You're going away to help yourself." Reid lifted Luke's chin so to look him in the eyes, "I would never be mad at you for that."
Luke smiled, "You might be with what I'm about to tell you next."
Reid didn't say anything so Luke continued.
"I'm not going to have any contact with anyone here while I'm away. I don't want to be reminded of everything I have back here and end up wanting to return before I'm ready." he said, "And because of that, I don't expect you to wait for me."
Reid's eyes widened, "Are you breaking up with me?"
"God no." Luke shook his head, "I'm just saying, if you meet someone else..."
"Don't." Reid stood up and took a few steps away from him, "Don't do this, Luke."
"Reid, please." Luke also stood, walking up behind the older man and turning him around, "I don't know when I'm going to be back and I would not feel good knowing you're here, waiting for me, not knowing when or if I am going to return."
"You have to." Reid cupped Luke's cheek, "Luke, I..."
"Don't." Luke shook his head, placing his hand on Reid's and pulling it away from his face, kissing his palm before smiling at him, "I know what you're going to say, but don't. Not when I'm still messed up and about to leave town like this."
Reid nodded, knowing he was going to have trouble saying the three words he's wanted to say to Luke for a very long time but there was never a good time to say them after what has been happening. Luke pulled him closer and kissed him, slow and passionately, before pulling away and smiling a small smile again.
"You should go."
Reid nodded again before kissing him once more, "I'll see you soon."
"We'll see."
Another kiss and then Reid was leaving Luke standing in the stables, alone. Luke hugged himself and crumbled to the ground. He knew it was going to be hardest saying goodbye to the man he loved. He knew Reid loved him too, he was almost going to say it. All Luke wanted to do was run after him and say those three simple yet strong words and never let Reid go again, but he knew he couldn't. He wasn't ready yet. So he sat there, crying, until Faith found him.
Faith walked into the stables around dinner time, looking for her brother, only to find him sitting in the middle of the floor, hugging himself and sobbing silently. She approached him, kneeling down in front of him, she reached out and touched his arm. He looked up at her and she was frowning, concern etched in her eyes. They didn't say anything, just sat there. Faith was the only one of Luke's younger siblings who knew what was going on with him, and she hated to see him so broken.
"Luke..." she finally whispered, "We should get inside before we catch a cold."
Luke nodded and allowed Faith to pull him to his feet, but before they moved, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into a hug.
"It's going to be okay. He's not going to leave you, he loves you."
"I know." Luke sobbed, "And I love him, that's why this is so hard."
"Just hold onto that while you're in D.C. and when you come back, he'll be here waiting, whether you wanted him to be or not. Katie and I will not allow him to leave you."
Luke laughed at that, "Thank you."
"You're welcome. Now come on, Mom and I made your favorite for your last dinner at the farm for a while."
They left the stables and headed back up to the house. When they entered, Lily and Holden were setting the table. Natalie and Ethan were already seated. Jack and Carly were also there with Parker and Sage. Dusty and Janet were there with Lorenzo as well. They all then sat around the table and had a normal family dinner, talking about anything and everything not connected or related to Luke's attack, attempted suicide, rehab or him leaving in the morning for Washington D.C.
After about a week, things were starting to get better for him. He was not wanting to drink as much and he was okay with people touching his arms or hugging him. He was also allowed a visitor once a day. The first day, Lily and Holden came to see him. The second day, it was Casey. The third, it was Lily with Faith. Natalie and Ethan were too young and Luke didn't want them to see him while he was in there.
It was not until the end of the second week that Reid came to visit him. Luke was a little upset that it had taken him that long, but he knew that Reid was getting back to work, trying to catch up with everything he had missed. They talked for over an hour with each other.
Luke was not allowed his cell phone or his laptop. All he had to pass the time were his books and his writing, which he found to be very helpful to him. He was starting to write it all out as a novel of what had happened to him. He was not expecting to get it it published or anything, it was just to help him deal with what had happened to him.
By the third week, he was having enough of rehab and checked himself out. His mother picked him up and took him back to the farm. He couldn't deal with facing Reid because he felt like he failed to help himself. All alcohol had been removed from the farm so he wouldn't slip back into drinking. He was also watched like a hawk by just about everyone.
It was almost like rehab, except at the farm he had his phone and laptop, he could roam around the grounds of the farm, help with the chores, go horseback riding, go swimming (if he wanted to freeze that was) and he was around his family for support the whole time.
But that did not last very long in the end either and before he knew it, he was getting ready to head to Washington D.C. to stay with his grandma Emma, who was still there while his aunt Meg was getting the help that she needed from what Damian had done to her just months before. It was Luke's idea and decision to move to D.C. with his grandma, he just didn't know how he was going to tell Reid he was leaving.
That was how he found himself in the stables, standing in front of one of the stalls, running his hand down one of the horses noses, talking to himself and the horse. When he heard the door, he looked up to see Reid slowly making his way over to him, stopping a few feet away.
"You found me." Luke turned back to the horse.
"Your dad called and told me you checked out of rehab a couple of days ago and now you're leaving."
Luke nodded, "I'm going to Washington D.C. to stay with my grandma."
"How long?"
"I don't know."
"Is there a reason you weren't going to tell me?"
"I was, Reid. I was going to tell you before I left." Luke finally turned to the older man.
"When are you leaving?"
"Tomorrow morning."
Reid snorted and sat down on a bench, across from the stalls and Luke, "So what, you were just going to give me a call tonight and tell me you are leaving town for God knows how long and then hang up?"
"Please, I don't want to fight." Luke walked over to him and sat down, keeping a little distance between them, "Rehab was good, it was helping me, but then it wasn't. I think I just need time for myself, away from Oakdale."
"I get that, I do, Luke." Reid pinched the bridge of his nose, "I just don't understand why you've been out of rehab for almost a week and I just found out today."
"I couldn't tell you." Luke looked down at his feet.
"Why not?"
Luke shrugged, "I figured you would be mad that I just gave up."
"But you haven't. You're going away to help yourself." Reid lifted Luke's chin so to look him in the eyes, "I would never be mad at you for that."
Luke smiled, "You might be with what I'm about to tell you next."
Reid didn't say anything so Luke continued.
"I'm not going to have any contact with anyone here while I'm away. I don't want to be reminded of everything I have back here and end up wanting to return before I'm ready." he said, "And because of that, I don't expect you to wait for me."
Reid's eyes widened, "Are you breaking up with me?"
"God no." Luke shook his head, "I'm just saying, if you meet someone else..."
"Don't." Reid stood up and took a few steps away from him, "Don't do this, Luke."
"Reid, please." Luke also stood, walking up behind the older man and turning him around, "I don't know when I'm going to be back and I would not feel good knowing you're here, waiting for me, not knowing when or if I am going to return."
"You have to." Reid cupped Luke's cheek, "Luke, I..."
"Don't." Luke shook his head, placing his hand on Reid's and pulling it away from his face, kissing his palm before smiling at him, "I know what you're going to say, but don't. Not when I'm still messed up and about to leave town like this."
Reid nodded, knowing he was going to have trouble saying the three words he's wanted to say to Luke for a very long time but there was never a good time to say them after what has been happening. Luke pulled him closer and kissed him, slow and passionately, before pulling away and smiling a small smile again.
"You should go."
Reid nodded again before kissing him once more, "I'll see you soon."
"We'll see."
Another kiss and then Reid was leaving Luke standing in the stables, alone. Luke hugged himself and crumbled to the ground. He knew it was going to be hardest saying goodbye to the man he loved. He knew Reid loved him too, he was almost going to say it. All Luke wanted to do was run after him and say those three simple yet strong words and never let Reid go again, but he knew he couldn't. He wasn't ready yet. So he sat there, crying, until Faith found him.
Faith walked into the stables around dinner time, looking for her brother, only to find him sitting in the middle of the floor, hugging himself and sobbing silently. She approached him, kneeling down in front of him, she reached out and touched his arm. He looked up at her and she was frowning, concern etched in her eyes. They didn't say anything, just sat there. Faith was the only one of Luke's younger siblings who knew what was going on with him, and she hated to see him so broken.
"Luke..." she finally whispered, "We should get inside before we catch a cold."
Luke nodded and allowed Faith to pull him to his feet, but before they moved, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into a hug.
"It's going to be okay. He's not going to leave you, he loves you."
"I know." Luke sobbed, "And I love him, that's why this is so hard."
"Just hold onto that while you're in D.C. and when you come back, he'll be here waiting, whether you wanted him to be or not. Katie and I will not allow him to leave you."
Luke laughed at that, "Thank you."
"You're welcome. Now come on, Mom and I made your favorite for your last dinner at the farm for a while."
They left the stables and headed back up to the house. When they entered, Lily and Holden were setting the table. Natalie and Ethan were already seated. Jack and Carly were also there with Parker and Sage. Dusty and Janet were there with Lorenzo as well. They all then sat around the table and had a normal family dinner, talking about anything and everything not connected or related to Luke's attack, attempted suicide, rehab or him leaving in the morning for Washington D.C.