FIC: Chaos Theory (Alice/Ruth)
TITLE: Chaos Theory
SERIES: The L Word
AUTHOR: Dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.net/
CONTENT: S3 spoilers. F/F romance. Alice/Ruth.
SUMMARY: Ruth loves order in her life but Alice is a kind of chaos she can't seem to resist.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my odd compulsion to give into MeMe's on LJ which increase my fic workload.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: A MeMe present for feral-sherryl.
Turn The Beat Around by Vicki Sue Robinson:
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=A8C41B8B3A91BB0B
Chaos Theory
By: Dreiser
Ruth always believed that everything had its place. Whether it be people, objects, sentiments, words, they all had a place they belonged. A neat little box with a printed label and once you put them in that box they should stay there because that was their designated spot in the world.
Romance didn't belong where you worked. In fact, emotions didn't belong where you worked. Where you work should be devoid of feeling, a place of cool logic and level headed decision making and for years that's what KCRW had been for Ruth. She made her choices based off of ratings, listener feedback, and sometimes the whimsy of those in charge.
Then she met Alice Pieszecki.
Suddenly she couldn't be logical. She couldn't even detach herself from the show because of Alice's behavior. The more Alice started to spiral off the deep end the better their ratings became. Everywhere she went in the station people congratulated her as Alice's producer as they became one of the most popular nighttime programs. But it began to enrage Ruth that no one could seem to grasp how hellish it was to work with Alice. How she ripped apart and utterly destroyed the precious cocoon of order Ruth had surrounded herself with. Alice never kept her schedules, she never made it to meetings on time, and she never followed show format.
And nothing seemed to sink in. None of the threats of firing, none of the wails of wanting to commit suicide, none of the signs declaring Alice's metaphorical death in her life, nothing she did sunk into Alice's head. The behavior just continued on and what made it worse was the fact that the more the behavior continued the better their ratings got.
Alice and her chaos were bringing more success to Ruth's world than years of meticulous planning ever could. The mere discovery of this was enough to cause a nervous break down. That is, if she had time to have a nervous break down. But she didn't have time because, as stated, the show was more popular than ever. And so Ruth was working. Always working and always working with Alice who continued in her habits though the longer they worked together the more it seemed like the blonde tried to change her ways though those changes never lasted very long. Part of Ruth thought that perhaps it simply wasn't in Alice's nature to be orderly, to be neat and tidy, to fit into one of those boxes she had worshipped over the years.
Contemplating this during a drinking session with her friends meant to celebrate becoming number one in their local timeslot, Ruth declared that if you were to try and put Alice in a box the lid would pop off because of the massive amount of items that would accumulate inside of it. You couldn't keep Alice inside a box, Ruth muttered, finishing off another shot. Because there was too much to her personality, so much that it couldn't ever all fit into a nice and neat little place that was solely her own. Alice could only exist in the view of others, shiny and on a display shelf, where everyone could see what she had.
But no one really did see her, not for who she really was. Ruth realized that two months after Dana Fairbanks death as she watched Alice taking calls from listeners and teasing one of her wayward friends on the air. They saw what Alice wanted them to see. The easy happiness, the carefree attitude, the dirty jokes, the seemingly perfect return to her old self.
It was fake and Ruth knew it and the reason she knew it was because their office was neat. The gloriously puny office they had been given on reaching number one in their nightly time slot had been neat since the day Alice returned to the air. Before Dana's death it had been a whirlwind of paper and an endless wave of chatter. Excitement and noise and simply the joy of Alice. The joy was gone now and Ruth would do anything to bring it back.
So she allowed more of Alice's uncensored ideas to go into the show, she got first play on bands she knew the blonde liked, and she arranged interviews with people she knew Alice had a fondness for. In short, she did everything she could bring back the Alice everyone knew and loved but for some unfathomable reason couldn't quite see was still missing.
Except it didn't work and the more that it didn't work the harder Ruth tried until she felt herself truly getting to that infamous snapping point she had been at when she first began working with Alice. Only now it wasn't Alice and her chaos that was causing it but instead the horrendous lack thereof. The boredom, the calm, the fucking order. Everything that she had once loved was driving her insane because this wasn't how it should be with Alice and it was wrong to think of her that way. The world was out of alignment and it was driving Ruth mad.
One night she declared as much on the air, perplexing Alice and causing a red sea of lights to appear on the switchboard as call after call came in during her rant. Ruth wondered if they agreed with her, if they could hear the flatness in the blonde's voice, if they could sense her ever present unhappiness, if they too couldn't find the jokes quite as funny when she knew the person telling them was miserable. Or maybe they just thought that Alice's much famed uptight producer was finally losing it and they wanted to make fun of her.
The lights continued to blink in a steady rhythm and Ruth found herself mesmerized, watching them as she took in deep breaths when her rant was done. Perhaps it was the lights and the deep breathing that kept her from noticing Alice rising to her feet, taking off her headphones, and stepping closer, so close there seemed to be no space between them. But it didn't keep her from noticing when soft lips pressed against her own, opening her up in a hungry and fierce desire, Alice propelling them forward until her back landed against the far wall of the booth with a thump loud enough Ruth knew it had gone on the air. Along with their gasps and moans and shamelessly lust filled murmurs of each other's names.
They got pulled from the air, of course, and much protesting was abounds as the show went on temporary hiatus and then when it returned without Ruth. She wasn't gone because of the station managers or some sort of conservative boycott but instead because of how she wasn't sure she could continue to work with Alice. Pressure came from the station, her friends, and even her new and strangely developed fanbase. But nothing had an effect until there was hesitant a knock on her door and it opened to reveal Alice wearing a lopsided smile and holding the goofiest stuffed teddy bear that Ruth had ever seen.
"It's Disco Luv Bear," Alice announced in cheerful tones that Ruth recognized to be the real thing and not the blonde's attempt at replicating them.
"Disco Luv Bear," repeated Ruth, staring at the bear as if it was going to transform into a hideous monster and eat her face. There was just something inately evil about any creature wearing that many rhinestones. Looking up at Alice rather blankly, she said, "Why is it here?"
"He's a peace offering," explained Alice and she made the bear do a little side to side dance as she grinned. "Because what makes people feel more peaceful than disco? Turn the beat around, love to hear percussion," Alice sang, hiding behind Disco Luv Bear who was dancing up to Ruth's face and doing a fair version of the teddy bear hustle.
"Gloria Estefan is disco?" asked Ruth skeptically, leaning in the doorway and raising an eyebrow in droll interest. "Since when?"
"Vicki Sue Robinson is disco!" said Alice, gaping at Ruth. Shaking Disco Luv Bear slightly, she said, "Don't tell me you don't know the origins of the best disco song ever!"
"No, for some ungodly reason I do know. But that's not what I want to know. What I want to know is why, other than being a peace offering, is Disco Luv Bear is really here?" asked Ruth almost irritably. She didn't like to play games, even with people as sickeningly cute as Alice.
Lowering Disco Luv Bear and looking down the hall, Alice murmured, "It doesn't feel right without you. The office is a pile of papery and weirdly smelly garbage, I never know what music to play, and I keep messing up my interview dates. Yesterday I hyped up my interview with that gay congresswoman and then the dude with three nipples shows up. Which, okay," Alice looked to Ruth and her brown eyes twinkled mischievously. "I do admit it was funny when people thought the gay congresswoman had three nipples for like ten minutes but the end result still sucked. Because my mix up pissed off the normal two nipple gay congresswoman enough that she refused to come on air the day she was scheduled for."
"I listened," said Ruth, forming a reluctant smile at the memory. "But you were good at improvising. I liked the bit where you called up people you thought had been flirting with you at one time or another to find out if you were right or not."
"Improvising was okay but it's nowhere as good as when you're there," said Alice, looking at Ruth with wide and almost imploring eyes. "Come back," she said softly, taking a step forward and pressing Disco Luv Bear into the brunette's hands. "I miss having you around." Ruth tilted her head and seemed to be considering this when Alice grinned impishly and drawled, "If you don't come back I'll start obsessing about you on the air every night for three hours."
"Repetitive show concept," Ruth said in dry tones. Staring down at Disco Luv Bear, she focused on how their fingers had become somehow entwined as they held him. Discovering in the process that she liked that sensation a little too much for her own good. Pulling her fingers quietly away and holding the bear to her chest, she said, "All right." Lifting her gaze, knowing what Alice needed from her most, what might help her return to herself again, Ruth continued, "I'll be back on Monday. Just let me have my vacation a bit longer."
"Do you need a vacation from me or the show?" asked Alice, studying Ruth's features.
"Neither, I just need a rest," said Ruth, turning away from the blonde and suddenly wanting this conversation to be over with. Because it was true. She needed a rest but she also needed to be away from Alice and the show. They had thrown her neat little orderly world into a chaos she not only welcomed but was also starting to crave. Something she found foreign and frightening. Which is why she stepped back and began to close the door. "Thank you for the dancing bear, Alice. It was sweet of you but I think I need to get back to my resting now."
"I like that you clean up after me," Alice said in a rush, sticking her foot in the door and keeping Ruth from closing it. "I like how I mess stuff up and you make it neat again. I like that when I make a stupid joke you always have a sarcastic comeback. I like that you know when I'm not really joking and let me know it. I like that you're my fucking opposite in everything. But most of all, I like that you told me off on the air, snapped me out of my goddamn depression, and didn't freak out when I practically molested you all while thousands of people listened to it on their radios. Ruth," the blonde said her name in a desperate plea. "I like you."
A half opened, half closed door, that was what stood between them.
It was merely a matter of which Ruth would choose. To open or close this opportunity in their lives. But ever so slowly the door moved forward in a wide arc and wearing the smallest hint of a smile, Ruth tugged Alice into the apartment and said, "They also listened on the website."
-End-
SERIES: The L Word
AUTHOR: Dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.net/
CONTENT: S3 spoilers. F/F romance. Alice/Ruth.
SUMMARY: Ruth loves order in her life but Alice is a kind of chaos she can't seem to resist.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my odd compulsion to give into MeMe's on LJ which increase my fic workload.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: A MeMe present for feral-sherryl.
Turn The Beat Around by Vicki Sue Robinson:
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=A8C41B8B3A91BB0B
Chaos Theory
By: Dreiser
Ruth always believed that everything had its place. Whether it be people, objects, sentiments, words, they all had a place they belonged. A neat little box with a printed label and once you put them in that box they should stay there because that was their designated spot in the world.
Romance didn't belong where you worked. In fact, emotions didn't belong where you worked. Where you work should be devoid of feeling, a place of cool logic and level headed decision making and for years that's what KCRW had been for Ruth. She made her choices based off of ratings, listener feedback, and sometimes the whimsy of those in charge.
Then she met Alice Pieszecki.
Suddenly she couldn't be logical. She couldn't even detach herself from the show because of Alice's behavior. The more Alice started to spiral off the deep end the better their ratings became. Everywhere she went in the station people congratulated her as Alice's producer as they became one of the most popular nighttime programs. But it began to enrage Ruth that no one could seem to grasp how hellish it was to work with Alice. How she ripped apart and utterly destroyed the precious cocoon of order Ruth had surrounded herself with. Alice never kept her schedules, she never made it to meetings on time, and she never followed show format.
And nothing seemed to sink in. None of the threats of firing, none of the wails of wanting to commit suicide, none of the signs declaring Alice's metaphorical death in her life, nothing she did sunk into Alice's head. The behavior just continued on and what made it worse was the fact that the more the behavior continued the better their ratings got.
Alice and her chaos were bringing more success to Ruth's world than years of meticulous planning ever could. The mere discovery of this was enough to cause a nervous break down. That is, if she had time to have a nervous break down. But she didn't have time because, as stated, the show was more popular than ever. And so Ruth was working. Always working and always working with Alice who continued in her habits though the longer they worked together the more it seemed like the blonde tried to change her ways though those changes never lasted very long. Part of Ruth thought that perhaps it simply wasn't in Alice's nature to be orderly, to be neat and tidy, to fit into one of those boxes she had worshipped over the years.
Contemplating this during a drinking session with her friends meant to celebrate becoming number one in their local timeslot, Ruth declared that if you were to try and put Alice in a box the lid would pop off because of the massive amount of items that would accumulate inside of it. You couldn't keep Alice inside a box, Ruth muttered, finishing off another shot. Because there was too much to her personality, so much that it couldn't ever all fit into a nice and neat little place that was solely her own. Alice could only exist in the view of others, shiny and on a display shelf, where everyone could see what she had.
But no one really did see her, not for who she really was. Ruth realized that two months after Dana Fairbanks death as she watched Alice taking calls from listeners and teasing one of her wayward friends on the air. They saw what Alice wanted them to see. The easy happiness, the carefree attitude, the dirty jokes, the seemingly perfect return to her old self.
It was fake and Ruth knew it and the reason she knew it was because their office was neat. The gloriously puny office they had been given on reaching number one in their nightly time slot had been neat since the day Alice returned to the air. Before Dana's death it had been a whirlwind of paper and an endless wave of chatter. Excitement and noise and simply the joy of Alice. The joy was gone now and Ruth would do anything to bring it back.
So she allowed more of Alice's uncensored ideas to go into the show, she got first play on bands she knew the blonde liked, and she arranged interviews with people she knew Alice had a fondness for. In short, she did everything she could bring back the Alice everyone knew and loved but for some unfathomable reason couldn't quite see was still missing.
Except it didn't work and the more that it didn't work the harder Ruth tried until she felt herself truly getting to that infamous snapping point she had been at when she first began working with Alice. Only now it wasn't Alice and her chaos that was causing it but instead the horrendous lack thereof. The boredom, the calm, the fucking order. Everything that she had once loved was driving her insane because this wasn't how it should be with Alice and it was wrong to think of her that way. The world was out of alignment and it was driving Ruth mad.
One night she declared as much on the air, perplexing Alice and causing a red sea of lights to appear on the switchboard as call after call came in during her rant. Ruth wondered if they agreed with her, if they could hear the flatness in the blonde's voice, if they could sense her ever present unhappiness, if they too couldn't find the jokes quite as funny when she knew the person telling them was miserable. Or maybe they just thought that Alice's much famed uptight producer was finally losing it and they wanted to make fun of her.
The lights continued to blink in a steady rhythm and Ruth found herself mesmerized, watching them as she took in deep breaths when her rant was done. Perhaps it was the lights and the deep breathing that kept her from noticing Alice rising to her feet, taking off her headphones, and stepping closer, so close there seemed to be no space between them. But it didn't keep her from noticing when soft lips pressed against her own, opening her up in a hungry and fierce desire, Alice propelling them forward until her back landed against the far wall of the booth with a thump loud enough Ruth knew it had gone on the air. Along with their gasps and moans and shamelessly lust filled murmurs of each other's names.
They got pulled from the air, of course, and much protesting was abounds as the show went on temporary hiatus and then when it returned without Ruth. She wasn't gone because of the station managers or some sort of conservative boycott but instead because of how she wasn't sure she could continue to work with Alice. Pressure came from the station, her friends, and even her new and strangely developed fanbase. But nothing had an effect until there was hesitant a knock on her door and it opened to reveal Alice wearing a lopsided smile and holding the goofiest stuffed teddy bear that Ruth had ever seen.
"It's Disco Luv Bear," Alice announced in cheerful tones that Ruth recognized to be the real thing and not the blonde's attempt at replicating them.
"Disco Luv Bear," repeated Ruth, staring at the bear as if it was going to transform into a hideous monster and eat her face. There was just something inately evil about any creature wearing that many rhinestones. Looking up at Alice rather blankly, she said, "Why is it here?"
"He's a peace offering," explained Alice and she made the bear do a little side to side dance as she grinned. "Because what makes people feel more peaceful than disco? Turn the beat around, love to hear percussion," Alice sang, hiding behind Disco Luv Bear who was dancing up to Ruth's face and doing a fair version of the teddy bear hustle.
"Gloria Estefan is disco?" asked Ruth skeptically, leaning in the doorway and raising an eyebrow in droll interest. "Since when?"
"Vicki Sue Robinson is disco!" said Alice, gaping at Ruth. Shaking Disco Luv Bear slightly, she said, "Don't tell me you don't know the origins of the best disco song ever!"
"No, for some ungodly reason I do know. But that's not what I want to know. What I want to know is why, other than being a peace offering, is Disco Luv Bear is really here?" asked Ruth almost irritably. She didn't like to play games, even with people as sickeningly cute as Alice.
Lowering Disco Luv Bear and looking down the hall, Alice murmured, "It doesn't feel right without you. The office is a pile of papery and weirdly smelly garbage, I never know what music to play, and I keep messing up my interview dates. Yesterday I hyped up my interview with that gay congresswoman and then the dude with three nipples shows up. Which, okay," Alice looked to Ruth and her brown eyes twinkled mischievously. "I do admit it was funny when people thought the gay congresswoman had three nipples for like ten minutes but the end result still sucked. Because my mix up pissed off the normal two nipple gay congresswoman enough that she refused to come on air the day she was scheduled for."
"I listened," said Ruth, forming a reluctant smile at the memory. "But you were good at improvising. I liked the bit where you called up people you thought had been flirting with you at one time or another to find out if you were right or not."
"Improvising was okay but it's nowhere as good as when you're there," said Alice, looking at Ruth with wide and almost imploring eyes. "Come back," she said softly, taking a step forward and pressing Disco Luv Bear into the brunette's hands. "I miss having you around." Ruth tilted her head and seemed to be considering this when Alice grinned impishly and drawled, "If you don't come back I'll start obsessing about you on the air every night for three hours."
"Repetitive show concept," Ruth said in dry tones. Staring down at Disco Luv Bear, she focused on how their fingers had become somehow entwined as they held him. Discovering in the process that she liked that sensation a little too much for her own good. Pulling her fingers quietly away and holding the bear to her chest, she said, "All right." Lifting her gaze, knowing what Alice needed from her most, what might help her return to herself again, Ruth continued, "I'll be back on Monday. Just let me have my vacation a bit longer."
"Do you need a vacation from me or the show?" asked Alice, studying Ruth's features.
"Neither, I just need a rest," said Ruth, turning away from the blonde and suddenly wanting this conversation to be over with. Because it was true. She needed a rest but she also needed to be away from Alice and the show. They had thrown her neat little orderly world into a chaos she not only welcomed but was also starting to crave. Something she found foreign and frightening. Which is why she stepped back and began to close the door. "Thank you for the dancing bear, Alice. It was sweet of you but I think I need to get back to my resting now."
"I like that you clean up after me," Alice said in a rush, sticking her foot in the door and keeping Ruth from closing it. "I like how I mess stuff up and you make it neat again. I like that when I make a stupid joke you always have a sarcastic comeback. I like that you know when I'm not really joking and let me know it. I like that you're my fucking opposite in everything. But most of all, I like that you told me off on the air, snapped me out of my goddamn depression, and didn't freak out when I practically molested you all while thousands of people listened to it on their radios. Ruth," the blonde said her name in a desperate plea. "I like you."
A half opened, half closed door, that was what stood between them.
It was merely a matter of which Ruth would choose. To open or close this opportunity in their lives. But ever so slowly the door moved forward in a wide arc and wearing the smallest hint of a smile, Ruth tugged Alice into the apartment and said, "They also listened on the website."
-End-