Make it to the Light
Title: Make it to the Light
Author: xlostheavenx
Genre: OS
Rating: R
Bands: Dir en grey
Pairings: KyoxToshiya
Synopsis: The ground beneath him was still slightly damp. It was his fault, he had been blocking the sun from being able to touch it. Around him, the city was alive and moving, even if he didn’t feel like he was.
Disclaimer: Don't own...
Comments: I had a whole bunch of stuff I wanted to write here… but that’s for another time and place lol ^^ Anyways since I haven’t written any of my OTP for a long time and have had this idea stuck in my head for awhile I decided to just write it. Anyways, enjoy! <3
.:.My Fanfic Archive.:.
The ground beneath him was still slightly damp. It was his fault, he had been blocking the sun from being able to touch it. Around him, the city was alive and moving, even if he didn’t feel like he was.
He had been sitting in the same spot since before the sun rose ever since he had woken from his fitful sleep. He hadn’t been sleeping good recently and the nights were just as long as the days.
His hands were clenched into fists and there was dirt underneath his fingernails. He was shaking but the tears that had been falling almost continually for the last two months had stopped, not because he wanted them to, if he had his way they would never stop, but because it was physically impossible for him to cry any more that day.
He shakily raised his hand and traced the words that were carved into the grey stone in front of him. They were nothing more then a reminder that was fading fast. Everything was disappearing too fast for him.
The bruise on his right wrist and the cuts on his left arm were no longer there to help him heal, to help him bleed, but unwanted keepsakes of what it took him to get there.
His legs were weak as he stood and a sharp pain shot down his throat as he swallowed.
“Why?” He whispered not because he wanted to, but because it was only as loud as his scratchy throat would allow him.
He didn’t receive an answer but it had come to accept that he would never get one. Finally he let his legs more then his heart lead him away.
‘ In the sky the sun was shining brightly but he found it impossible to feel any of it’s warmth.
His shoes made no noise on the grass but as he left the fenced in yard they made a soft tick on the pavement, making sure he was aware that there was only one person walking. He kept his head down, mostly because he no longer had the will or strength to keep it up. He had learned to get along that way, he was getting used to it.
He counted his steps to get home more then he used his eyes. He was never in control of his body any more, it found its own way. He felt the impact before he noticed it, before he could even begin to register it.
“Hey, sorry about that.” The voice somehow found it’s way into his thoughts.
He looked up nodding on instinct alone. His eyes widened and he reached out. “Tooru?” He clung to the shirt of the blond in front of him.
The shorter man laughed and moved back, untangling the fingers from his shirt. “Uh, no.” My name is Kyo, do I know you?”
He moved away and wiped his eyes. He hadn’t even realized that he had begun crying again.
“No… sorry. I thought you were someone else.” He quickly began to walk again.
“Wait.” He felt someone tug on his arm and he turned seeing the man. “Who did you think I was?”
He swallowed and once again felt like his throat was on fire. “No one.” He mumbled and began to walk away.
“You thought I was Tooru didn’t you?”
He spun on his heal, his eyes wide. “How did you know…?”
The blond laughed again. “You said it first.” He moved and closed the distance between them, reaching up and brushing the tears that still lingered on the taller man’s face. “Come on, let’s go sit down.”
He let himself be led down the street and into a restaurant. He sat across from the shorter blond, staring, looking at all the things that were impossibly similar to the man he thought he would never see again. It was the features that were the same that caught his attention more then the differences. The pierced lip, the small, nearly invisible, scar under his right eye, all these things screamed that this was not the same person more then the rational realization that the man he wanted to see was dead.
“Why…?’ He spoke as though no one was listening because that’s what he was used to.
“Well I wanted to know why you started crying the second you saw me.”
He blinked and turned his head slightly to the side and peered at the other man across the table. “What did you say your name was?”
“Kyo.” The blond bit his lip. “What’s yours?”
“Toshiya.” He breathed out. “You’re supposed to be dead.”
Kyo looked startled for a second but recovered remarkably fast. “That’s not something you hear everyday.”
“I’m sorry.” The taller man hung his head. “Maybe I should explain?”
“If you want.”
“I… you look, so much like my old boyfriend.”
The blond nodded slowly. “I see.”
“He’s dead.” Toshiya said as if actually saying it out loud would make it easier, instead it made his heart ache all the more.
“Well that explains a lot.”
“He died two months ago.”
“How did it happen?” The shorter man leaned over the table.
“He… he was killed. I… I don’t know. I don’t understand.” The dark haired man played with his hair.
“What do you mean?”
“I can get over the fact that he’s gone and that I’ll never see him.” He shook his head not really understanding what he was feeling in his stomach, not really recognizing his heartbeat. “I can deal with the fact that I will never see his face or hear his voice again. But…” He breathed in shakily taking in the man in front of him and exhaling a part of himself. “He had a life that I wasn’t a part of, he was a different person then what I thought, and what I don’t understand is why it hurts to lose him when I never actually had any idea of who he was and what he did. “
“Toshiya…” The way the blond spoke his name made him shiver.
“You don’t get it, how am I supposed to get over him if I never had him? How am I supposed move on when I never had a past?” He began to cry and he felt as though the world was caving in around him. He felt lost in the pit of blackness that he had been thrown into and he didn’t know enough of how he had been tossed in to be able to even begin to look for a way out.
He felt someone take his hand and blinking the tears away from his eyes he saw that he wasn’t alone, but more importantly then that he felt it.
With the simple touch of Kyo’s thumb rubbing over the back of his hand he could feel everything rushing away from him and it confused him in the same way that it brought him peace.
“You don’t.”
“What?” His voice pierced the calm that had settled between them.
“You don’t let go.” The blond blinked before moving to stand up. “Come.” He waited until the taller man stood before entwining their fingers and returning to the street. He began to walk before pausing. “Take me to him.”
Toshiya blinked before nodding and leading the blond down the familiar path to the graveyard, all his wounds screaming for his attention but the firm pressure on his hand kept his mind off of them.
They stopped and both stared down at the grey stone. Kyo sighed as Toshiya fell to his knees still inexplicably weak to the dead man. He hated the way he was still attached to the man’s whose name decorated the plain stone.
He traced the words just like he always did. He felt something encircle his waist and turned to see that the blond was sitting behind him, his chest pressed against his back and his arm holding him close.
He couldn’t explain what he was feeling at that moment. It was as if a part of himself was being torn away and another part being put back in its place.
“Kyo?” He questioned shaking slightly at the contact.
“I don’t know why I met you today Toshiya, and I don’t know why I look like Tooru here. I don’t know if you can learn to love me, or if you even want to. But for some reason, you have brought back a part of me that I didn’t know I lost and I want to do the same for you. I… I don’t know what I want, but I think it’s you, and considering I just met you fifteen minutes ago, it scares the hell out of me, but I’m okay with that.”
The dark haired man swallowed but his throat was no longer dry. He didn’t know if the man behind him was an angel or some sort of demon that he should have already gotten rid of. But whether it was better or for worse he liked the fact that the other man was with him. He turned his head and his eyes fell back on the grave in front of him.
“You’ve given me a sort of peace that I didn’t think possible and what I want is to be able to have more.” He smiled for the first time in as long as he could remember. “I don’t understand it either, but I have a feeling that somehow you can teach me how.”
He felt the blond move closer to him and his lips graze his ear lobe. He kept his eyes focused ahead and even though all he wanted right then was to get lost in the blond, he still had to much haze in front of his eyes to be able to see it.
“Embrace it,” He heard Kyo whisper, and he knew that the blond’s voice was soft because there are some things that are meant to be said under one’s breath. “Embrace all the pain because then and only then will you be able to understand what it means to be truly happy.”
He closed his eyes and left himself lose what he had thought the other man was. “Don’t leave me.” He whimpered as his heart broke in his chest.
He felt Kyo nod. “I’m not going anywhere.”
The voice was enough to let him know that he could do what he had to and still have something to fall back to. He had a reason to stop the pain and in that moment he could find a small speck of light in the darkness, he knew that there was a door at the end of the tunnel.
The ground underneath him was still damp but he knew that even though it was his fault it was somehow going to be alright because overhead and behind him the sun was shining.
Author: xlostheavenx
Genre: OS
Rating: R
Bands: Dir en grey
Pairings: KyoxToshiya
Synopsis: The ground beneath him was still slightly damp. It was his fault, he had been blocking the sun from being able to touch it. Around him, the city was alive and moving, even if he didn’t feel like he was.
Disclaimer: Don't own...
Comments: I had a whole bunch of stuff I wanted to write here… but that’s for another time and place lol ^^ Anyways since I haven’t written any of my OTP for a long time and have had this idea stuck in my head for awhile I decided to just write it. Anyways, enjoy! <3
.:.My Fanfic Archive.:.
The ground beneath him was still slightly damp. It was his fault, he had been blocking the sun from being able to touch it. Around him, the city was alive and moving, even if he didn’t feel like he was.
He had been sitting in the same spot since before the sun rose ever since he had woken from his fitful sleep. He hadn’t been sleeping good recently and the nights were just as long as the days.
His hands were clenched into fists and there was dirt underneath his fingernails. He was shaking but the tears that had been falling almost continually for the last two months had stopped, not because he wanted them to, if he had his way they would never stop, but because it was physically impossible for him to cry any more that day.
He shakily raised his hand and traced the words that were carved into the grey stone in front of him. They were nothing more then a reminder that was fading fast. Everything was disappearing too fast for him.
The bruise on his right wrist and the cuts on his left arm were no longer there to help him heal, to help him bleed, but unwanted keepsakes of what it took him to get there.
His legs were weak as he stood and a sharp pain shot down his throat as he swallowed.
“Why?” He whispered not because he wanted to, but because it was only as loud as his scratchy throat would allow him.
He didn’t receive an answer but it had come to accept that he would never get one. Finally he let his legs more then his heart lead him away.
‘ In the sky the sun was shining brightly but he found it impossible to feel any of it’s warmth.
His shoes made no noise on the grass but as he left the fenced in yard they made a soft tick on the pavement, making sure he was aware that there was only one person walking. He kept his head down, mostly because he no longer had the will or strength to keep it up. He had learned to get along that way, he was getting used to it.
He counted his steps to get home more then he used his eyes. He was never in control of his body any more, it found its own way. He felt the impact before he noticed it, before he could even begin to register it.
“Hey, sorry about that.” The voice somehow found it’s way into his thoughts.
He looked up nodding on instinct alone. His eyes widened and he reached out. “Tooru?” He clung to the shirt of the blond in front of him.
The shorter man laughed and moved back, untangling the fingers from his shirt. “Uh, no.” My name is Kyo, do I know you?”
He moved away and wiped his eyes. He hadn’t even realized that he had begun crying again.
“No… sorry. I thought you were someone else.” He quickly began to walk again.
“Wait.” He felt someone tug on his arm and he turned seeing the man. “Who did you think I was?”
He swallowed and once again felt like his throat was on fire. “No one.” He mumbled and began to walk away.
“You thought I was Tooru didn’t you?”
He spun on his heal, his eyes wide. “How did you know…?”
The blond laughed again. “You said it first.” He moved and closed the distance between them, reaching up and brushing the tears that still lingered on the taller man’s face. “Come on, let’s go sit down.”
He let himself be led down the street and into a restaurant. He sat across from the shorter blond, staring, looking at all the things that were impossibly similar to the man he thought he would never see again. It was the features that were the same that caught his attention more then the differences. The pierced lip, the small, nearly invisible, scar under his right eye, all these things screamed that this was not the same person more then the rational realization that the man he wanted to see was dead.
“Why…?’ He spoke as though no one was listening because that’s what he was used to.
“Well I wanted to know why you started crying the second you saw me.”
He blinked and turned his head slightly to the side and peered at the other man across the table. “What did you say your name was?”
“Kyo.” The blond bit his lip. “What’s yours?”
“Toshiya.” He breathed out. “You’re supposed to be dead.”
Kyo looked startled for a second but recovered remarkably fast. “That’s not something you hear everyday.”
“I’m sorry.” The taller man hung his head. “Maybe I should explain?”
“If you want.”
“I… you look, so much like my old boyfriend.”
The blond nodded slowly. “I see.”
“He’s dead.” Toshiya said as if actually saying it out loud would make it easier, instead it made his heart ache all the more.
“Well that explains a lot.”
“He died two months ago.”
“How did it happen?” The shorter man leaned over the table.
“He… he was killed. I… I don’t know. I don’t understand.” The dark haired man played with his hair.
“What do you mean?”
“I can get over the fact that he’s gone and that I’ll never see him.” He shook his head not really understanding what he was feeling in his stomach, not really recognizing his heartbeat. “I can deal with the fact that I will never see his face or hear his voice again. But…” He breathed in shakily taking in the man in front of him and exhaling a part of himself. “He had a life that I wasn’t a part of, he was a different person then what I thought, and what I don’t understand is why it hurts to lose him when I never actually had any idea of who he was and what he did. “
“Toshiya…” The way the blond spoke his name made him shiver.
“You don’t get it, how am I supposed to get over him if I never had him? How am I supposed move on when I never had a past?” He began to cry and he felt as though the world was caving in around him. He felt lost in the pit of blackness that he had been thrown into and he didn’t know enough of how he had been tossed in to be able to even begin to look for a way out.
He felt someone take his hand and blinking the tears away from his eyes he saw that he wasn’t alone, but more importantly then that he felt it.
With the simple touch of Kyo’s thumb rubbing over the back of his hand he could feel everything rushing away from him and it confused him in the same way that it brought him peace.
“You don’t.”
“What?” His voice pierced the calm that had settled between them.
“You don’t let go.” The blond blinked before moving to stand up. “Come.” He waited until the taller man stood before entwining their fingers and returning to the street. He began to walk before pausing. “Take me to him.”
Toshiya blinked before nodding and leading the blond down the familiar path to the graveyard, all his wounds screaming for his attention but the firm pressure on his hand kept his mind off of them.
They stopped and both stared down at the grey stone. Kyo sighed as Toshiya fell to his knees still inexplicably weak to the dead man. He hated the way he was still attached to the man’s whose name decorated the plain stone.
He traced the words just like he always did. He felt something encircle his waist and turned to see that the blond was sitting behind him, his chest pressed against his back and his arm holding him close.
He couldn’t explain what he was feeling at that moment. It was as if a part of himself was being torn away and another part being put back in its place.
“Kyo?” He questioned shaking slightly at the contact.
“I don’t know why I met you today Toshiya, and I don’t know why I look like Tooru here. I don’t know if you can learn to love me, or if you even want to. But for some reason, you have brought back a part of me that I didn’t know I lost and I want to do the same for you. I… I don’t know what I want, but I think it’s you, and considering I just met you fifteen minutes ago, it scares the hell out of me, but I’m okay with that.”
The dark haired man swallowed but his throat was no longer dry. He didn’t know if the man behind him was an angel or some sort of demon that he should have already gotten rid of. But whether it was better or for worse he liked the fact that the other man was with him. He turned his head and his eyes fell back on the grave in front of him.
“You’ve given me a sort of peace that I didn’t think possible and what I want is to be able to have more.” He smiled for the first time in as long as he could remember. “I don’t understand it either, but I have a feeling that somehow you can teach me how.”
He felt the blond move closer to him and his lips graze his ear lobe. He kept his eyes focused ahead and even though all he wanted right then was to get lost in the blond, he still had to much haze in front of his eyes to be able to see it.
“Embrace it,” He heard Kyo whisper, and he knew that the blond’s voice was soft because there are some things that are meant to be said under one’s breath. “Embrace all the pain because then and only then will you be able to understand what it means to be truly happy.”
He closed his eyes and left himself lose what he had thought the other man was. “Don’t leave me.” He whimpered as his heart broke in his chest.
He felt Kyo nod. “I’m not going anywhere.”
The voice was enough to let him know that he could do what he had to and still have something to fall back to. He had a reason to stop the pain and in that moment he could find a small speck of light in the darkness, he knew that there was a door at the end of the tunnel.
The ground underneath him was still damp but he knew that even though it was his fault it was somehow going to be alright because overhead and behind him the sun was shining.