(no subject)
Title: 24 Hours and counting
Author:
xlostheavenx
Chapter: 1/2
Genre: Fluff, angst, romance
Ratings: PG13
Pairings: KyoxToshiya
Synopsis: 12:00am: I stare into my glass of water. The light from my lamp is reflecting off of it and it’s making patterns on my wall. It’s strange how something so plain can create something so beautiful.
Comments: This was originally supposed to be a oneshot, but since it’s so long I broke it into two parts. So here are the first 12 hours...Me and my friend wrote this, she was Toshiya, I was Kyo. Enjoy! Comments are always appreciated <3!
Ok this takes place over 24 hours. This is the first part, 12:00am-11:00am. The even hours are in Kyo’s POV, the odd in Toshiyas. Ex: 12:00am Kyo, 1:00am Toshiya…enjoy!
12:00am: I stare into my glass of water. The light from my lamp is reflecting off of it and it’s making patterns on my wall. It’s strange how something so plain can create something so beautiful. It’s late, and really I should be trying to get to bed, but I know that that isn’t going to happen anytime soon. Outside my room I can hear soft footsteps moving through the apartment I share. It doesn’t bug me anymore, not like it did when he first moved in. But I was used to silence then, now, well I guess I’m used to him. He’s the reason I’m up right now, not that he knows it. I disappeared into my room two hours ago. I don’t disappear to get away from him any more. Now I do it so I can think about him. Think about what it would be like to be with him. It’s weird because I never thought that I’d end up liking him. I mean who would have thought that I, Kyo, would fall for Toshiya…
1:00am: It has started raining. Great, another thing to distract me from sleeping. This always happens. I change into my pajamas, brush my teeth, crawl into bed, and then you pop into my mind as soon as I close my eyes as though even in my own imagination you are flirting with me. Then I get hot so I kick my blankets off of myself, and then I can’t get comfortable so I toss and turn like a frustrated fish.
The sound of the rain in ticking against my window pane and I growl, annoyed. Basically giving up on the idea of sleep, I get to my feet and stumble quietly across my room to my desk, not wanting to make any noise and wake you who have gone to sleep already three hours ago....I wish I was like you and could brush such thoughts away and rest.
I find my CD player and bring it with me to my bed, sticking my headphones in my ears and laying my head back against my sunken pillow. I press play and your voice filled my ears. Your talented, sensual, beautiful voice. For some reason I feel tears sting my eyes. This way I can imagine you are next to me, singing me to sleep.
2:00am: I heard the rain begin about an hour ago, around the same time you stopped moving around the apartment. Now I’m watching as the sky is brightened momentarily as lightening bolts appear and disappear over the buildings. I sigh and run a hand through my blond hair. I’m pretty sure you’re asleep now. I remember the last time there was a storm and you made me close the blinds so you didn’t have to watch. I love watch storms though. I look at my clock and wonder if it’s too late to go outside. Standing up I grab my a coat from my closet and slip into the hallway, pausing briefly to make sure you’re asleep. I can only hear your faint breathing and smile to myself wondering what beautiful things you dream bring to you. I know that in my dreams, you’re always there. I make my way to the living room where I grab my keys and sneak out of the apartment. I can hear the thunder outside and it makes my heart race. I quickly go down the stairs. I take out a smoke and light it before stepping outside. I inhale and sit on the front step of the apartment block. I am thankful that I’m sheltered from the rain by an overhang. I smile and watch the sky light up once more.
3:00am: Dreams...sometimes even the most amazing dream can be like torture. You always appear and I am always so happy, so comforted when you hold me in my mind. But I know that i am simply dreaming...that in the morning you will still just be my band mate, my roommate, my friend.
My greatest wish is that you, Kyo , the most amazing person I have ever met, would love me, Toshiya...the annoying, younger person that pushed himself into your life.I felt so guilty when I moved in with you. I saw how your lovely brown eyes would narrow when I did things like watch my gundam shows or use your hairspray or take over an hour in the bathroom....though I have to admit that recently your eyes seem so warm when I catch you looking at me. At these moments, I think that just maybe my wish is coming true.
Suddenly, I am jolted out of my slumber by a loud crash of thunder. I jump and my heart is beating so fast that it’s making me sweat. I hug my blankets around me and try to fall asleep again but the thunder, rain, and lightning seems to be getting closer and louder. Hesitantly, I get to my bare feet and pad into the hallway, my favorite pink fleece blanket wrapped about my shoulders.
I instinctually walk to your door and put my palm to the cool knob but i pause, not knowing what to do. I am afraid that you will not let me stay with you but at the same time I am confident that you will protect me so i push the door open.
Lightning flashes and to my utter dismay and disappointment, you are not there. Late night smoke? I know you like storms. Too tired to do anything else, I fall onto your bed and curl up with my pastel blanket, almost instantly falling asleep, your familiar scent surrounding me.
4:00am: I stand up and stretch. I pavement is not the best place to sit for an extended amount of time. The storm is slowing and it’s losing its mystique. I unlocked the door and slip back inside, shivering slightly. I didn’t realize how cool it was out there. I make my way up the stairs, happy for the distraction I have the feeling that I can sleep now. I quietly open the door to the apartment and sneak inside. I take off my shoes and coat before tiptoeing down the hall. I see your door is slightly ajar and move so I can peek in. I bite my lip and take a deep breath. Whenever I’m thinking about you my heart seems to begin to race. I look in and all I can see in the dim light is a pile of blankets, most likely surrounding you. I smile and softly close your door, before making my way back to my own room. I walk in and close my door. I pull off my shirt and throw it on the floor. I begin to unbutton my pants when I notice something on my bed. It was pink and I defiantly did not own anything pink. I move closer and see that it’s you, wrapped up in that blanket of yours. I lean down and brush the hair from your face before moving away and finishing taking off my pants. I pull on a pair of pajama pants before moving back to my bed. I grab a pillow and move it to the foot of the bed. All I want is to curl up next to you, but I wasn’t sure why you were here in the first place. I laugh softly at the angle you’re sleeping at and getting a blanket out from under you I make a bed for myself. I slide onto the mattress slowly so not to wake you, and before laying down I gently press my lips to your forehead.
5:00am: I feel safe and warm and at peace. How I imagine I would feel if you held me,
if you kissed me and told me you were in love with me. Not to say that I do not feel that way around you already but...I yearn for you. I wish my feelings were like a switch that I could turn on and off but that is impossible because when I think about you my emotions overflow and I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, sometimes I get hyper and run around like a wild animal, and other times I get scared and lock myself in the bathroom while I claim to be checking myself out.
Either way....the main thing is that I love you and I don’t think I can hide it much longer...
6:00am: I’ve never had any problems sleeping before. I can fall asleep anywhere, anytime. But now I am painfully aware that I am sharing a bed with you. I’m scared to move, scared to breathe, and scared that if I’ll fall asleep, I’ll wake up and you’ll be gone. I’m scared because I know that I love you, but I don’t know how you feel about me. I don’t think I’ve ever been in love with anyone before, well not like this at least. I keep drifting in and out of sleep, and what’s real and what isn’t is starting to blur together, and I’m not sure if the memories I have of you are from dreams or have actually took place. I hope they are real. If not, I want to make them real. I want to tell you I love you, but I’m not sure how.
7:00am: I become aware that I am waking. I feel my blanket around me and smile to myself, squirming in place, deeper into the nest I have created myself in my sleep. A sudden alien noise scares me into a sitting position and I see you blearily rise and search for your cell phone that is stuck somewhere in your pant pocket.
I am confused....how did I get here. I am in your bed. I slept with you in the same bed.....
My cheeks heat painfully and I jump to my feet. "Damn, damn, damn," I say, quickly stumbling out into the hallway.
I can hear you in your room. You have finally found the phone and answered it. "Shut up, Kaoru! And don't fucking phone me again anytime before noon!" You angrily throw your phone onto your bed while I am shaking against the wall.
Oh no, I think, panicked. What do I do? Of course I want you to know, I would scream it out to the world that I loved you and only you but I also feared that I would lose you. That you would think me a freak and make me move out. If only you would show me....and sometimes I think you do. You are so sweet, so caring and tender. You make me feel like a princess.
Would it just be easier if I just blurted it out, got it over with? Probably...but instead I begin to cry and flee into the bathroom before you see me.
I hate myself sometimes.....
8:00am: I lay back down on my bed, the warmth from your body has been rapidly fading for some time now. I’m not sure where you went. I checked your room and the living room. I suppose you’re mad because my phone interrupted your sleep. But it wasn’t my fault…Kaoru should know better then to call me at 7. What a freak. I wonder why he’s up at this ungodly hour. I sigh and look towards my open door. I left it open in case you intended on coming back. Maybe it’s a hint, a bit of a sad one at that, but I’m not really sure what to do now that you ran out. I grab my blanket and burry myself in it. Four hours of sleep is no where near enough for any human. I roll over, and am met with the familiar mix of smoke and lavender. It reminds me so much of you and I wish you were still here. I squeeze my eyes closed, there was no way I was going to cry. When I would imagine waking up next to you, things never ended up this way. I go to sit up, deciding it would be easier to sleep if I dragged you back here. But then again maybe not. Waking up is such hard work. I groan and my eyes flutter shut again.
9:00am: I took a shower. I also took a smoke while leaning against the bathroom wall, my knees pulled up to my head. It aches from a mixture of things; lack of sleep, lack of nicotine, lack of...you. God, you are like a drug for me. You make me happy, you make me whole, you make me...me. And I definitely just screwed it up by getting scared and running away. Could I not have just smiled sleepily to you and snuggled closer? Then we could have stayed like that all morning and into the afternoon. I remember one time when we were watching a movie it got really late and I fell asleep on you and you just let me rest on your shoulder. It was so nice. I also remember thinking that that day was the best day of my week, maybe month. My hands are still shaking so I take a longer drag on my second cigarette. I can't let things stay this way. I have flirted with you for a few months now, I have left hints for you in the grand hope that you would catch on, return the feelings, and say "Oh Totchi, I love you" and then you would ravish me all night long. Okay, so I have been watching too many sappy movies lately...but my hope is still that you will be the one to make the move. I am too scared. It is not fair that I would put that on you but....I just can't do it. I want to. My mind argues with itself over and over. It feels like I’m dying inside because I am keeping my raging feelings in.
Perhaps....maybe today is the day...the day I truly hand you my heart...
10:00am: The water has been running the bathroom for the longest time, and I can’t imagine what you’re doing in there. I sit up and rub my eyes. God I need more sleep. I clumsily get out of bed and stumble towards the living room. I flop down on the couch and turn on the TV. I hope there’s something on, something so I don’t have to think about how I intend to tell you how I feel. I smile to myself. Just write a song you dumbass. Well I guess what wouldn’t work out, it would end up like sounding like some sad porno. That’s not how I picture you. It’s not that I’m scared to tell you, ok it is, but that’s not the main reason. I just want everything to be perfect. I want every word, every action, to show you how important you are. I want to make sure that the moment is everything you’ve ever dreamed of. Oh good, there’s some horror movie on. I begin to watch it, still listening as the water continues to run. God, it’s really a good thing we didn’t pay a separate bill for water. My stomach begins to tighten, and I swallow hard. I’m getting nervous again. Maybe you’re getting ready to go out with someone. But then again maybe not. Lately I’ve noticed how much attention you’ve paid on me. You face lit up as you gently touch me or giggle in that flirty sort of way. But I’ve seen you do that before. It’s what people love you for. But they haven’t seen you scare or sad or mad. I’ve seen all these things and it’s made me want you more. It’s made me love you more. The water is still running, and its slightly muffling the screams on the TV. I know it’s time I told you, I’ve been practicing telling you for weeks, no months now. I think we have a show tonight, maybe that’s why Kaoru called. Oh well, if it was important I’m sure he’d be stopping by soon enough. I sigh and look longingly towards the closed bathroom door.
11:00am: I am all dressed and ready for the day. I have taken many long, deep breaths to make myself as calm as I possibly can so that I can walk out of the steamy bathroom and face you. One last breath, one last approving look in the mirror that I have constantly had to wipe with my hand to remove the layer of film the steam had caused, and I throw open the door as though nothing had ever happened.
The hallway is cool compared the oppressive heat that I created in the bathroom but it is also refreshing. I plant a smile on my face and bounce into the living room where the sounds from the TV tell me that you are there.
"Ohaiyou Kyo!" I sing and jump on the couch beside you. You look at me with a look that seems to be a mixture of so many emotions that it catches me off guard as I try to decipher them. I push past this and keep smiling. "What are we going to do today?" I ask sweetly as I drape an arm over your shoulder.
You shift and I wonder if I disgust you. Doubt is such a devil when you are in love so completely with someone...
The second part should be up soon!