Fan Fiction: SOMETIMES…NOTHING MATTERS
Title: SOMETIMES…NOTHING MATTERS
Author: kvicka
Parings: AoixKai
Fandom: the GazettE
Genre: romance, fluff, (maybe you can find some attempts of humor..xD)
Chapters: oneshot
Rating: G
Warnings: none? eto...just... my English isn’t good ... so mistakes... >.<
Disclaimer: This is only fiction. And I don’t own any members of the GazettE…unfortunately >.< ...though I wish them for every Christmas and birthday for two and half years already T_____T
Summary: Aoi acts like a naughty little child and Kai looks like he is annoying of it.
Comment: All started when we were on our family-summer-holiday this year. We spent night in one camp “Ostaš”. And once pretty night…I didn’t want to sleep and so…I used a swing, which was there. It’s normal in my case… I’m sometimes still like little stupid child xD …so… xD and then my inspiration came, as I was swinging and watching the stars-full sky. At the time this story was born…if you like ground for this story was born. Lot of thinks, some change and especially end I though up not until three months later….
but you had to wait much more until my I kick my lazy-busy ass and write it in computer. (o_O it all takes me almost year...my tempi is terrible..xD)
It’s little paradox. I wrote it almost all straight in English. But then I translated it back to my language and delivered it as school-essay to my teacher of Czech language...xD I think that she had to have little shock at least... xD (I skipped only passages with jokes on Uruha’s alcoholism and I admit somewhere I used different formulations...but in fact that was same as this one) and I’m still wondering how it happened that she didn’t return it to me with Deficient xD
o_O oh so long comment..xD I hope somebody will read it at all..xDD
____________________________________________
It could be a little after midnight. I didn’t know the exact time and I didn’t even want to know. I wasn’t in ideal mood... or if you like.... after we left bar my mood sank rapidly. This night wasn’t one of those precious fun times. At least from my point of view... rest of my companions had apparently different opinion.
“…so good night.“ Ruki’s cheerful voice ended exhiarating conversation.
“Good night.“ was a short brief answer from dark-haired guitarist.
”Good night.” I wispered my good-byes quitely beside Aoi…I really didn’t feel well at all today, my mood was miserable and I wished desperately to be home already.
Ruki waved once more and disappeared around the corner. Now only stretch of way remained with Aoi and than alone.
Damn it! Why I must live furthest…or why we couldn’t go to bar at least on some “neutral place”. It’s unfair. Uruha, he only run over street and is from the bar at home…well I wanted to say from home at the bar…On the way home he didn’t run in any case…when we hauled him into his flat, he looked like he passed long time ago…and me…I have to plod through city, god knows how far and alone…now leastways with Aoi…I really couldn’t decide if it’s for better or worse. I usually like his presence... presence of all my bandmates but now...now I felt properly uncomfortable…probably due to the embarrassing silence and partly… maybe…
Eh?...I just decided. It's for worse for sure.…because just at that moment Aoi ran amuck on playground with joyful screaming “yippee, a swing”. Although it was dark I could imagine how his deep brown eyes twinkle with childlike happiness.
“Please Aoi. Come on!” I tried with growing despair in my voice.
“Nooo…pleaseeee….lets have a break for few minutes…”
I frowned, irritated . I was not for these nonsenses today. I wanted home... hide under blanket with all my dismal thoughts... be alone, sleep...push all the anxious conflicted feelings aside. Plus I was cold and I was in miserable mood. I wasn't even sure why. What caused this. There were too many reasons for sure...or maybe just one really big...
‘Why he has to behave like this’, I sighed. I really wanted to go home already.
“You act like a spoiled little child.” I said loud enough for him to hear. I progressed along the path and didn’t stop, scanning ground under my shoes.
In case he would be drunk…it would be somehow accepble...excusable…but he ísn't. I'm sure, far too much…for one drink don't make you drunk. I watched him…them…all the time. How Uruha was drinking one by one and Aoi was sipping only one drink all night long. Such opposites can’t be ignored.
He must be sober.
If Uruha was doing this, it would understandable…eh…no, as a matter of fact, it wouldn't. I chuckled mentaly. I was sure that Uruha wouldn’t be even able to notice the playground in his state. And if by miracles, he would…so the running would be his end…not to mention he wouldn’t have the smallest chance to climb the swing.
What ever. If you want to act like idiot, be my guest but ”I am going home!” I said firmly.
I continued in my way passing the playground.
“Kai, please…Come on…just for a little while.” Whimpering Aoi settled on the swing-seat.
He acts really like a little child. He should grow up finally…or it would be enough if he didn’t act like this on public…But still…there was somethin in Aoi’s last sentence…something that had impact on me. And I wasn't able to resist that something. Especially if said by him. It affected me more then I realized and wanted admit.
Aoi was… DAMN... stop thinking like that!
I didn’t know exactly how it happened but my steps was turned to right and in little while I felt fine gravel and sand under my feet…damn…I wanted go home or?... so why don’t I go?... why am I still here…I need to be alone…or is it exactly opposite…oh…doesn’t matter or does it?... this is such beautiful night or?...such nice silent and calm…for city like Tokyo is this little miracles …so why not…why not to stay outside little longer than I planed before?...and…and…Aoi? I turned my look at the man on swing... who cares…there was no one else who could see him anyway…see his infantile behavior…
and I…I…in fact…I quite like him…him act like this…the child inside of him…the way he can enjoy the life.
My mood improed slightly…maybe caused by the nice atmosphere, which was in whole park. I realized that I hadn’t seen such bright moon in Tokyo for so long ..and even if it wasn’t full moon, it was incredibly beautiful night. I reallized I'm not even so cold anymore.… this park was relative escape form city-rush…like oassis in desert and also… just maybe…no...no…
I stopped near the swing and leaned my back against one of shored pole contemplative of Aoi swinging.
When the guitarist realized my presence he arched back and asked with challenging voice : “Don’t you want to swing too?” and in next while I realized how adorable smile curled upon his full lips. Right in that moment I saw this gorgeous expression in moonlight which drowned his precious face in dim silver sea …He looked like amazing unearthly creature and I was simply lightstruck by this view…how this magical deep eyes were shimmering as moonbeam reflected in them…oh God…he is so handsome… he...I…
”So…what do you say, Kai?” I was startled as he pulled me out of my thoughts. Oh…that was exactly why I should go home…home…alone… Things, I was realizing lately, were scary and they evoked an uneasy dismal feelings in me.
He got up: “So…you can go.” pointing at now empty swing, he stepped ahead leaning forward and smiled.
I frozen and my heart started beating faster. I should face few facts here…that…that recently… often…too often…everything in my head was circling around him…around Aoi. And now, when I sew…sew his smile so close…I felt whole world spinning under my feet madly.
I realized I was terrible weak in my knees and began to worry that in next moment my body might hit the ground. All feelings rebelled inside me and I was more and more desperate.
‘It’s maybe because I didn’t feel well before. That the exhaustion is creating this diziness.’ But that was just poor attempt to find out excuse for my weakness. But the reason was more then obvious. Those things that something inside me wanted to do so desparetely, were totally wrong. Wrong. And it mustn’t ever happen. And Aoi is only my friend... damn... so why?... why was I feeling the urge to touch his silky cheeks and lean myself against his full seductive asking-for-kiss lips?
Oh shit...what the hell am I thinking about!
In any case I can't do it. This was clearer then the sun. It could destroy too much ... I can’t...absolutely can’t...maybe I think too much...maybe...
“Kai? Are you all right?” Worried voice pierced through my thoughts once again. Now I finally realized that I blankly stared over Aoi's shulder as if Aoi is invisible.
„Kai?“ his hand reached my shoulder and he shook me gently.
Shiver went through my whole body. Swallowing hard and blushing deeply - thanks God for darkness, which was hiding it - I blinked and parted my lips to say something...something intelligent... but suddenly I had no idea what to say... even if I had, no sound came out of my mouth anyway so I closed it helplessly again.
“Kai, are you ok?” He inspected me carefully. “You are trembling. Are you cold?” He looked more and more worried, his frown deepening, creating crease between his brows. I wanted to rise my hand and smooth them out.
But all I managed was to stand on the same place like statue, not speaking, almost not breathing.
“Kai,” He sighed and laid his hand around my shoulders urging me for move, leading me back on the path. “Come on. You don't look well. Come, I will accompany you home.”
I followed him blankly still fighting with my own mind. Next wave of shiver overwhelmed me and caused that elder man pulled me closer to his body in case I want to fall down. If I wasn’t so deep in my own thoughts to realize fully what he did, I would probably faint on the spot.
“I’m sorry” he stated quietly not wanting to destroy much of the silence around.
“Eh? Sorry for what?” I blinked, finally able to thrust out some words. I was back in reality again.
“For wanting to stay here...I didn’t know you were feeling not well. You should say.”
“eto...no...no...it’s not your fault...It’s me who should be sorry, that I spoiled the fun...” I dropped my head...I didn’t want Aoi blaming himself for anything...
“Don’t blame yourself” was his only answer and then silence engulfed us again. Only crackles of dead leaves under our shoes echoed through the park. I got quickly lost back in my toughts. I desperately needed to sort out what is going on with me. What is wrong with me.
----
“So, we are here.” Aoi startled me from depth of my thoughts once again.
I blinked. We stood in front of door to my apartment. How did it happen? I didn’t even realize when we left the park... I think my only conection with real wolrd was limited to keeping my legs useful.
I sought through my pocket for keys and pulled them out. Silence of the hallway was disturbed by the click of lock and groan of the door. I stepped in and hesitantly turned around.
“Good night, Kai...take a rest...I hope you will feel better soon...” He smiled.
“So...so...good night.” I stammered for no good reason and started closing the door.
“Oh! Wait!” Aoi’s hand stopped me.
And in next moment my eyes widened and all world went hazy as Aoi’s lips pressed against mine.
It was all over too soon. I didn’t even manage to regain my senses and he was gone.
I didn’t know why. I didn’t know what. I didn’t know how. But I finally realized and made clear one thing. Maybe it was wrong. Seriousy wrong. But sometimes... sometimes nothing matters. And I knew that this “sometimes” is right now. Now I knew what I have to do. No matter what comes after this. I slamed the door shut and ran out on the street...
-----
This night wasn’t as bad as I though two hours ago. I smiled and snuggled closer to source of warm beside me, feeling how the embrace tightened more around my waist.
“Wasn’t bad at all...” I hummed satisfied for myself and closed my eyes...
END
__________________________________________________
Comment 2: Hehe...xD I still can’t believe that I gave this to my teacher... xD
And I hope it isn't too poor >.
Author: kvicka
Parings: AoixKai
Fandom: the GazettE
Genre: romance, fluff, (maybe you can find some attempts of humor..xD)
Chapters: oneshot
Rating: G
Warnings: none? eto...just... my English isn’t good ... so mistakes... >.<
Disclaimer: This is only fiction. And I don’t own any members of the GazettE…unfortunately >.< ...though I wish them for every Christmas and birthday for two and half years already T_____T
Summary: Aoi acts like a naughty little child and Kai looks like he is annoying of it.
Comment: All started when we were on our family-summer-holiday this year. We spent night in one camp “Ostaš”. And once pretty night…I didn’t want to sleep and so…I used a swing, which was there. It’s normal in my case… I’m sometimes still like little stupid child xD …so… xD and then my inspiration came, as I was swinging and watching the stars-full sky. At the time this story was born…if you like ground for this story was born. Lot of thinks, some change and especially end I though up not until three months later….
but you had to wait much more until my I kick my lazy-busy ass and write it in computer. (o_O it all takes me almost year...my tempi is terrible..xD)
It’s little paradox. I wrote it almost all straight in English. But then I translated it back to my language and delivered it as school-essay to my teacher of Czech language...xD I think that she had to have little shock at least... xD (I skipped only passages with jokes on Uruha’s alcoholism and I admit somewhere I used different formulations...but in fact that was same as this one) and I’m still wondering how it happened that she didn’t return it to me with Deficient xD
o_O oh so long comment..xD I hope somebody will read it at all..xDD
____________________________________________
It could be a little after midnight. I didn’t know the exact time and I didn’t even want to know. I wasn’t in ideal mood... or if you like.... after we left bar my mood sank rapidly. This night wasn’t one of those precious fun times. At least from my point of view... rest of my companions had apparently different opinion.
“…so good night.“ Ruki’s cheerful voice ended exhiarating conversation.
“Good night.“ was a short brief answer from dark-haired guitarist.
”Good night.” I wispered my good-byes quitely beside Aoi…I really didn’t feel well at all today, my mood was miserable and I wished desperately to be home already.
Ruki waved once more and disappeared around the corner. Now only stretch of way remained with Aoi and than alone.
Damn it! Why I must live furthest…or why we couldn’t go to bar at least on some “neutral place”. It’s unfair. Uruha, he only run over street and is from the bar at home…well I wanted to say from home at the bar…On the way home he didn’t run in any case…when we hauled him into his flat, he looked like he passed long time ago…and me…I have to plod through city, god knows how far and alone…now leastways with Aoi…I really couldn’t decide if it’s for better or worse. I usually like his presence... presence of all my bandmates but now...now I felt properly uncomfortable…probably due to the embarrassing silence and partly… maybe…
Eh?...I just decided. It's for worse for sure.…because just at that moment Aoi ran amuck on playground with joyful screaming “yippee, a swing”. Although it was dark I could imagine how his deep brown eyes twinkle with childlike happiness.
“Please Aoi. Come on!” I tried with growing despair in my voice.
“Nooo…pleaseeee….lets have a break for few minutes…”
I frowned, irritated . I was not for these nonsenses today. I wanted home... hide under blanket with all my dismal thoughts... be alone, sleep...push all the anxious conflicted feelings aside. Plus I was cold and I was in miserable mood. I wasn't even sure why. What caused this. There were too many reasons for sure...or maybe just one really big...
‘Why he has to behave like this’, I sighed. I really wanted to go home already.
“You act like a spoiled little child.” I said loud enough for him to hear. I progressed along the path and didn’t stop, scanning ground under my shoes.
In case he would be drunk…it would be somehow accepble...excusable…but he ísn't. I'm sure, far too much…for one drink don't make you drunk. I watched him…them…all the time. How Uruha was drinking one by one and Aoi was sipping only one drink all night long. Such opposites can’t be ignored.
He must be sober.
If Uruha was doing this, it would understandable…eh…no, as a matter of fact, it wouldn't. I chuckled mentaly. I was sure that Uruha wouldn’t be even able to notice the playground in his state. And if by miracles, he would…so the running would be his end…not to mention he wouldn’t have the smallest chance to climb the swing.
What ever. If you want to act like idiot, be my guest but ”I am going home!” I said firmly.
I continued in my way passing the playground.
“Kai, please…Come on…just for a little while.” Whimpering Aoi settled on the swing-seat.
He acts really like a little child. He should grow up finally…or it would be enough if he didn’t act like this on public…But still…there was somethin in Aoi’s last sentence…something that had impact on me. And I wasn't able to resist that something. Especially if said by him. It affected me more then I realized and wanted admit.
Aoi was… DAMN... stop thinking like that!
I didn’t know exactly how it happened but my steps was turned to right and in little while I felt fine gravel and sand under my feet…damn…I wanted go home or?... so why don’t I go?... why am I still here…I need to be alone…or is it exactly opposite…oh…doesn’t matter or does it?... this is such beautiful night or?...such nice silent and calm…for city like Tokyo is this little miracles …so why not…why not to stay outside little longer than I planed before?...and…and…Aoi? I turned my look at the man on swing... who cares…there was no one else who could see him anyway…see his infantile behavior…
and I…I…in fact…I quite like him…him act like this…the child inside of him…the way he can enjoy the life.
My mood improed slightly…maybe caused by the nice atmosphere, which was in whole park. I realized that I hadn’t seen such bright moon in Tokyo for so long ..and even if it wasn’t full moon, it was incredibly beautiful night. I reallized I'm not even so cold anymore.… this park was relative escape form city-rush…like oassis in desert and also… just maybe…no...no…
I stopped near the swing and leaned my back against one of shored pole contemplative of Aoi swinging.
When the guitarist realized my presence he arched back and asked with challenging voice : “Don’t you want to swing too?” and in next while I realized how adorable smile curled upon his full lips. Right in that moment I saw this gorgeous expression in moonlight which drowned his precious face in dim silver sea …He looked like amazing unearthly creature and I was simply lightstruck by this view…how this magical deep eyes were shimmering as moonbeam reflected in them…oh God…he is so handsome… he...I…
”So…what do you say, Kai?” I was startled as he pulled me out of my thoughts. Oh…that was exactly why I should go home…home…alone… Things, I was realizing lately, were scary and they evoked an uneasy dismal feelings in me.
He got up: “So…you can go.” pointing at now empty swing, he stepped ahead leaning forward and smiled.
I frozen and my heart started beating faster. I should face few facts here…that…that recently… often…too often…everything in my head was circling around him…around Aoi. And now, when I sew…sew his smile so close…I felt whole world spinning under my feet madly.
I realized I was terrible weak in my knees and began to worry that in next moment my body might hit the ground. All feelings rebelled inside me and I was more and more desperate.
‘It’s maybe because I didn’t feel well before. That the exhaustion is creating this diziness.’ But that was just poor attempt to find out excuse for my weakness. But the reason was more then obvious. Those things that something inside me wanted to do so desparetely, were totally wrong. Wrong. And it mustn’t ever happen. And Aoi is only my friend... damn... so why?... why was I feeling the urge to touch his silky cheeks and lean myself against his full seductive asking-for-kiss lips?
Oh shit...what the hell am I thinking about!
In any case I can't do it. This was clearer then the sun. It could destroy too much ... I can’t...absolutely can’t...maybe I think too much...maybe...
“Kai? Are you all right?” Worried voice pierced through my thoughts once again. Now I finally realized that I blankly stared over Aoi's shulder as if Aoi is invisible.
„Kai?“ his hand reached my shoulder and he shook me gently.
Shiver went through my whole body. Swallowing hard and blushing deeply - thanks God for darkness, which was hiding it - I blinked and parted my lips to say something...something intelligent... but suddenly I had no idea what to say... even if I had, no sound came out of my mouth anyway so I closed it helplessly again.
“Kai, are you ok?” He inspected me carefully. “You are trembling. Are you cold?” He looked more and more worried, his frown deepening, creating crease between his brows. I wanted to rise my hand and smooth them out.
But all I managed was to stand on the same place like statue, not speaking, almost not breathing.
“Kai,” He sighed and laid his hand around my shoulders urging me for move, leading me back on the path. “Come on. You don't look well. Come, I will accompany you home.”
I followed him blankly still fighting with my own mind. Next wave of shiver overwhelmed me and caused that elder man pulled me closer to his body in case I want to fall down. If I wasn’t so deep in my own thoughts to realize fully what he did, I would probably faint on the spot.
“I’m sorry” he stated quietly not wanting to destroy much of the silence around.
“Eh? Sorry for what?” I blinked, finally able to thrust out some words. I was back in reality again.
“For wanting to stay here...I didn’t know you were feeling not well. You should say.”
“eto...no...no...it’s not your fault...It’s me who should be sorry, that I spoiled the fun...” I dropped my head...I didn’t want Aoi blaming himself for anything...
“Don’t blame yourself” was his only answer and then silence engulfed us again. Only crackles of dead leaves under our shoes echoed through the park. I got quickly lost back in my toughts. I desperately needed to sort out what is going on with me. What is wrong with me.
----
“So, we are here.” Aoi startled me from depth of my thoughts once again.
I blinked. We stood in front of door to my apartment. How did it happen? I didn’t even realize when we left the park... I think my only conection with real wolrd was limited to keeping my legs useful.
I sought through my pocket for keys and pulled them out. Silence of the hallway was disturbed by the click of lock and groan of the door. I stepped in and hesitantly turned around.
“Good night, Kai...take a rest...I hope you will feel better soon...” He smiled.
“So...so...good night.” I stammered for no good reason and started closing the door.
“Oh! Wait!” Aoi’s hand stopped me.
And in next moment my eyes widened and all world went hazy as Aoi’s lips pressed against mine.
It was all over too soon. I didn’t even manage to regain my senses and he was gone.
I didn’t know why. I didn’t know what. I didn’t know how. But I finally realized and made clear one thing. Maybe it was wrong. Seriousy wrong. But sometimes... sometimes nothing matters. And I knew that this “sometimes” is right now. Now I knew what I have to do. No matter what comes after this. I slamed the door shut and ran out on the street...
-----
This night wasn’t as bad as I though two hours ago. I smiled and snuggled closer to source of warm beside me, feeling how the embrace tightened more around my waist.
“Wasn’t bad at all...” I hummed satisfied for myself and closed my eyes...
END
__________________________________________________
Comment 2: Hehe...xD I still can’t believe that I gave this to my teacher... xD
And I hope it isn't too poor >.