All things to All People
Title: All things to all people
Rating: G
Spoilers: All episodes, with some mention of 3x05's events.
Word Count: 1600
Summary: Blaine puts people in boxes.
A/N: I had to get this out of my system to be a functional member of society today.
Blaine puts people into boxes. It’s not to limit them, or to be small-minded. It’s just what he was taught and generally it has served him well. Generally.
It was the one piece of advice his father gave him that proved useful. Not long after he came out, and before the summer of auto maintenance, he sat down with his dad, under the auspices of teaching Blaine how to properly do a bow tie, instead of the clip-ons he had been wearing.
“There are two kinds of people in this world, Blaine. Those who want something from you and those who don’t. If they want something, it’s up to you to figure out what that is. You shouldn’t necessarily give them it, but knowing it gives you power.” Mr. Anderson pauses in the middle of a fold. “The people who don’t want anything from you…. It’s easy to think they’re not dangerous, but they are. Moreso than the people who have a clear agenda.”
He hadn’t understood then what his father meant, about people who didn’t want something from him. Not until Kurt. Kurt, who had stars in his eyes when he’d first spied on the Warblers, and tears when he returned to face the consequences. Kurt who wanted so much, and all Blaine could think to do was stick him in a box labeled Friend, one who needed some guidance and support.
Only, Kurt wouldn’t stay in that box. Hardly surprising, especially after talking to him for an hour. Kurt needed so much more than being mentored. And then one day, he didn’t need anything from Blaine.
It shook him, having Kurt give him a patient but unadoring smile as he told him that Blaine wasn’t the center of the universe. Blaine and the Pips it might seem, but it had just been a simple matter of course, filling the need the Warblers had for a front man. He didn’t abuse it, he didn’t think. But he did then, demanding a duet and that Kurt be given the chance to shine.
There was a danger in someone not wanting something from you, he realized. Because that’s when you discover that you want something back, something that maybe they wouldn’t give you. Watching Kurt sing Blackbird had been a moment - one where he saw Kurt outside any box, outside any cloak of need, and the honesty of it all would have made Blaine fall to his knees if he’d been standing.
It had been a risk to go to Kurt then, knowing what he knew, which was that he didn’t know anything. Fully expecting to get the kind of kind brush-off he’d delivered himself only weeks before when the first glimpse of Kurt’s honesty had shone forth, he’d stepped out of the box he’d placed himself in, all those years ago. Perfect grades. Perfect appearance. Perfect manner. Perfectly contained.
He’d wondered, after Kurt kissed him back and so much changed, if that’s why his father had given him that advice all those years ago. Not so he’d know how to compartmentalize others, but so he’d compartmentalize himself. Take all his wants and hide them away, make himself safer by withholding.
He’d thought that he could still give Kurt what he wanted, despite it all. Put him in a different kind of box, that of Boyfriend but the look on Kurt’s face when he’d said those three little words told him otherwise. Maybe it had been too soon, maybe it had just been bad timing, or not romantic enough. Blaine didn’t know what the reason, but the pause before the shock had worn from Kurt’s eyes had stolen his breath, making him wonder if he’d ever breathe again. Then warmth had replaced shock, and he could exhale. Realized he’d needed to say those words more than Kurt had needed to hear them. Just one more way he’d put himself in a box that didn’t fit. Boy was becoming Man
Now, though, that he’s outside an even bigger box called Dalton, he’s struggling. He’s not the same person, not entirely. He can be different, can choose from so many more options. Not just the shallow ones, like clothes and how he wears his hair. He can want things. Want Kurt. Want Kurt to want him back the same way. He wonders, sometimes, because Kurt is so much better at the kind of compartmentalizing his father had warned him of.
Playing Tony was another kind of box, he’d found. They’d wanted him for the role, and his old habits came roaring to the forefront. He’d struggled, because he knew Kurt wanted the role, but had been so relieved to get Kurt’s blessing on the matter. To have Kurt defy his attempts to put him in any sort of box, even after all this time. It delighted him in a way, to know that he couldn’t predict him, no matter how well he knew what Kurt wanted. Kurt had his wants under better control than most people, and it was just so easy to follow that lead, no matter where it took them, or didn’t take them.
For all that Blaine didn’t always understand what Kurt wanted, he understood this. Intimacy meant something more to Kurt, who brushed it off as his romantic streak. It was more than that, Blaine knew, because Kurt hid it more than anything else about himself. It was why his response to Blaine’s declaration of love had been shock, before awe could creep in. Why they stayed firmly between first and second base, and why Blaine was okay to wait. Because when Kurt showed him what he wanted, it meant something. Meant that Boyfriend would transform into Lover.
Still, Artie’s advice was playing tug of war inside him. Wanting to be something to everyone who had expectations of him wasn’t new, but the conflict between everyone’s wants was getting harder and harder to manage. He tried, though, letting his patience melt into an intensity that struck a chord with Kurt, one he rarely saw darken his eyes save for when they were fixing their appearance, lips bruised and hearts racing. It had felt right, finding a way to make both things happen at once.
Visiting Dalton tripped him up, though. Old habits again, old labels, and they didn’t fit. His friendships there were much the same, true, but Sebastian had made him flounder, not responding the way he’d expected, on the basis of Warbler and New Kid all the other things Blaine had mistakenly assumed. He’d tried to understand, though, because being told you were a legend reminded him of another set of adoring eyes, another serenade that had changed his life. But the want he’d found in Sebastian’s eyes wasn’t the same. It was less about what he did and what he could do, and what he wouldn’t ever do, because he’d found what he wanted in Kurt, who saw all of him, not just the slick packaging that Sebastian was stuck on.
He’d wanted to leave as soon as Sebastian made the pass at him, but his manners were too ingrained and then Kurt was there, and he was too busy being happy for that buffer to realize that Kurt had taken Sebastian’s measure, and what should have ended with coffee didn’t. Instead, it led to a night where Blaine’s ability to please people was put to the test. He hadn’t meant to hurt Kurt. He just lost sight of what Kurt wanted, obscured by a thin alcoholic haze that made his own wants (of which there were legion) loom large. He wanted Kurt, however he could get him. He wanted to please people. He wanted to be a good actor, a good Tony. A friend to Sebastian, despite his leering. He wanted to be passionate. Spontaneous.
He just hadn’t counted on Kurt seeing through to all that. It was a slap in the face being told by the person you cared about more than anything else in the world that they thought you didn’t. Not for their wants. It hurt, and then blazed into a sort of indignant anger that made him walk home, shivering, ignoring Kurt following him in the car the whole way.
He pushed it all down, though, with the experience of years of putting other people first. He was needed to be Tony right then. Afterwards, though, as Rachel’s words about soulmates echoed in his head as he removed his makeup and costume, he felt gutted. He couldn’t be all things to all people. Not if it meant hurting the one person who trusted him to treat his heart, so closely guarded, with the love he’d professed, and the respect he’d claimed.
He hadn’t meant to make Kurt come to him. It was one more thing he would kick himself for, letting an excuse about the show grant him some clemency in his cowardice. But the privacy, and the soft look in Kurt’s eyes makes him brave again, stepping outside the box of Tony, Ex-Warbler, Son to just be Blaine for him. He just wants to be what Kurt wants. For Kurt to know that as much as he trusted his heart to Blaine in those moments of intimacy, he held Blaine’s heart in his hands always. Always. He knows he’ll probably screw up at some point, his priorities being an uphill struggle against the nature ingrained in him, but he believes in Kurt’s capacity to forgive him that.
He’s slowly learning how to do more than just want, and need. He’s learning how to have.
A/N: First foray into Glee fanfic, just some head canon I wanted to share.
Rating: G
Spoilers: All episodes, with some mention of 3x05's events.
Word Count: 1600
Summary: Blaine puts people in boxes.
A/N: I had to get this out of my system to be a functional member of society today.
Blaine puts people into boxes. It’s not to limit them, or to be small-minded. It’s just what he was taught and generally it has served him well. Generally.
It was the one piece of advice his father gave him that proved useful. Not long after he came out, and before the summer of auto maintenance, he sat down with his dad, under the auspices of teaching Blaine how to properly do a bow tie, instead of the clip-ons he had been wearing.
“There are two kinds of people in this world, Blaine. Those who want something from you and those who don’t. If they want something, it’s up to you to figure out what that is. You shouldn’t necessarily give them it, but knowing it gives you power.” Mr. Anderson pauses in the middle of a fold. “The people who don’t want anything from you…. It’s easy to think they’re not dangerous, but they are. Moreso than the people who have a clear agenda.”
He hadn’t understood then what his father meant, about people who didn’t want something from him. Not until Kurt. Kurt, who had stars in his eyes when he’d first spied on the Warblers, and tears when he returned to face the consequences. Kurt who wanted so much, and all Blaine could think to do was stick him in a box labeled Friend, one who needed some guidance and support.
Only, Kurt wouldn’t stay in that box. Hardly surprising, especially after talking to him for an hour. Kurt needed so much more than being mentored. And then one day, he didn’t need anything from Blaine.
It shook him, having Kurt give him a patient but unadoring smile as he told him that Blaine wasn’t the center of the universe. Blaine and the Pips it might seem, but it had just been a simple matter of course, filling the need the Warblers had for a front man. He didn’t abuse it, he didn’t think. But he did then, demanding a duet and that Kurt be given the chance to shine.
There was a danger in someone not wanting something from you, he realized. Because that’s when you discover that you want something back, something that maybe they wouldn’t give you. Watching Kurt sing Blackbird had been a moment - one where he saw Kurt outside any box, outside any cloak of need, and the honesty of it all would have made Blaine fall to his knees if he’d been standing.
It had been a risk to go to Kurt then, knowing what he knew, which was that he didn’t know anything. Fully expecting to get the kind of kind brush-off he’d delivered himself only weeks before when the first glimpse of Kurt’s honesty had shone forth, he’d stepped out of the box he’d placed himself in, all those years ago. Perfect grades. Perfect appearance. Perfect manner. Perfectly contained.
He’d wondered, after Kurt kissed him back and so much changed, if that’s why his father had given him that advice all those years ago. Not so he’d know how to compartmentalize others, but so he’d compartmentalize himself. Take all his wants and hide them away, make himself safer by withholding.
He’d thought that he could still give Kurt what he wanted, despite it all. Put him in a different kind of box, that of Boyfriend but the look on Kurt’s face when he’d said those three little words told him otherwise. Maybe it had been too soon, maybe it had just been bad timing, or not romantic enough. Blaine didn’t know what the reason, but the pause before the shock had worn from Kurt’s eyes had stolen his breath, making him wonder if he’d ever breathe again. Then warmth had replaced shock, and he could exhale. Realized he’d needed to say those words more than Kurt had needed to hear them. Just one more way he’d put himself in a box that didn’t fit. Boy was becoming Man
Now, though, that he’s outside an even bigger box called Dalton, he’s struggling. He’s not the same person, not entirely. He can be different, can choose from so many more options. Not just the shallow ones, like clothes and how he wears his hair. He can want things. Want Kurt. Want Kurt to want him back the same way. He wonders, sometimes, because Kurt is so much better at the kind of compartmentalizing his father had warned him of.
Playing Tony was another kind of box, he’d found. They’d wanted him for the role, and his old habits came roaring to the forefront. He’d struggled, because he knew Kurt wanted the role, but had been so relieved to get Kurt’s blessing on the matter. To have Kurt defy his attempts to put him in any sort of box, even after all this time. It delighted him in a way, to know that he couldn’t predict him, no matter how well he knew what Kurt wanted. Kurt had his wants under better control than most people, and it was just so easy to follow that lead, no matter where it took them, or didn’t take them.
For all that Blaine didn’t always understand what Kurt wanted, he understood this. Intimacy meant something more to Kurt, who brushed it off as his romantic streak. It was more than that, Blaine knew, because Kurt hid it more than anything else about himself. It was why his response to Blaine’s declaration of love had been shock, before awe could creep in. Why they stayed firmly between first and second base, and why Blaine was okay to wait. Because when Kurt showed him what he wanted, it meant something. Meant that Boyfriend would transform into Lover.
Still, Artie’s advice was playing tug of war inside him. Wanting to be something to everyone who had expectations of him wasn’t new, but the conflict between everyone’s wants was getting harder and harder to manage. He tried, though, letting his patience melt into an intensity that struck a chord with Kurt, one he rarely saw darken his eyes save for when they were fixing their appearance, lips bruised and hearts racing. It had felt right, finding a way to make both things happen at once.
Visiting Dalton tripped him up, though. Old habits again, old labels, and they didn’t fit. His friendships there were much the same, true, but Sebastian had made him flounder, not responding the way he’d expected, on the basis of Warbler and New Kid all the other things Blaine had mistakenly assumed. He’d tried to understand, though, because being told you were a legend reminded him of another set of adoring eyes, another serenade that had changed his life. But the want he’d found in Sebastian’s eyes wasn’t the same. It was less about what he did and what he could do, and what he wouldn’t ever do, because he’d found what he wanted in Kurt, who saw all of him, not just the slick packaging that Sebastian was stuck on.
He’d wanted to leave as soon as Sebastian made the pass at him, but his manners were too ingrained and then Kurt was there, and he was too busy being happy for that buffer to realize that Kurt had taken Sebastian’s measure, and what should have ended with coffee didn’t. Instead, it led to a night where Blaine’s ability to please people was put to the test. He hadn’t meant to hurt Kurt. He just lost sight of what Kurt wanted, obscured by a thin alcoholic haze that made his own wants (of which there were legion) loom large. He wanted Kurt, however he could get him. He wanted to please people. He wanted to be a good actor, a good Tony. A friend to Sebastian, despite his leering. He wanted to be passionate. Spontaneous.
He just hadn’t counted on Kurt seeing through to all that. It was a slap in the face being told by the person you cared about more than anything else in the world that they thought you didn’t. Not for their wants. It hurt, and then blazed into a sort of indignant anger that made him walk home, shivering, ignoring Kurt following him in the car the whole way.
He pushed it all down, though, with the experience of years of putting other people first. He was needed to be Tony right then. Afterwards, though, as Rachel’s words about soulmates echoed in his head as he removed his makeup and costume, he felt gutted. He couldn’t be all things to all people. Not if it meant hurting the one person who trusted him to treat his heart, so closely guarded, with the love he’d professed, and the respect he’d claimed.
He hadn’t meant to make Kurt come to him. It was one more thing he would kick himself for, letting an excuse about the show grant him some clemency in his cowardice. But the privacy, and the soft look in Kurt’s eyes makes him brave again, stepping outside the box of Tony, Ex-Warbler, Son to just be Blaine for him. He just wants to be what Kurt wants. For Kurt to know that as much as he trusted his heart to Blaine in those moments of intimacy, he held Blaine’s heart in his hands always. Always. He knows he’ll probably screw up at some point, his priorities being an uphill struggle against the nature ingrained in him, but he believes in Kurt’s capacity to forgive him that.
He’s slowly learning how to do more than just want, and need. He’s learning how to have.
A/N: First foray into Glee fanfic, just some head canon I wanted to share.