fic: you have my heart (so don't hurt me)
Media: Fic
Title: You Have My Heart (So Don’t Hurt Me)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: None
Spoilers: You should probably be caught up on the latest episodes.
Word Count: Roughly 4,000 words.
Summary: Awkward timing has always been a contributing factor in their relationship, from the beginning, so Blaine should really be used to it by now. A companion piece to Synchronization.
Notes: This was written for wordplay for the help_japan auction charity. She bid on and won my fic offering and then expressed interest in reading more about Kurt and Blaine from the Synchronization ‘verse. Thanks again for the very generous donation you made to the American Red Cross, my darling, and I truly hope this is to your liking... ♥
This was betaed by the very lovely caroline_shea. Thank you for the cheerleading and helpful suggestions, bb!
The rest of the notes for this will be under the cut. 'Cause I'm wordy like that!
So, as stated in the summary, this is a very long overdue companion piece to Synchronization. I don't think this story will read well without the context, so it will help if you're familiar with that.
To anyone who has read Synchronization and enjoyed it: I consider Synchronization my baby, so trying to write in that ‘verse for the past couple of months (and scrapping so many dismal, awful attempts) has been a terrifying experience because I just don’t want to let anyone down. But it’s written, and all I can do is deliver my very best attempt and hope that it’s good enough. Love to you all!
Finally, the title for this is borrowed from the song Dreams by The Cranberries, which I think is a pretty accurate theme for Blaine’s feelings about his relationship with and feelings for Kurt both during and in the aftermath of what happened in Synchronization.
---
It's not actually that surprising when Blaine stops to think about it afterward. They were both walking on eggshells, stepping around the ever-growing tensions between them like they were landmines, and in fact Blaine's amazed something like this didn't happen sooner.
It’s just another reminder to Blaine that the universe has a strange way of synchronizing their lives, and apparently their schedules, in highly significant ways. Awkward timing has always been a contributing factor in their relationship, from the beginning, so Blaine should really be used to it by now.
But it's not all bad, especially when it leads to important revelations.
~*~
Blaine lets himself inside Kurt's apartment (he hasn't yet progressed to calling it their apartment, even in his head) and places his briefcase by the door, bending down to untie the laces of his loafers so he can step right out of them.
Kurt will still be at work, perhaps finishing up, and then he'll be heading home on the subway. It's been a long week for the both of them, and Blaine's glad to have a couple of days off where he and Kurt can just relax without worrying about anything.
Blaine starts toward the kitchen, but then he hears Kurt's voice coming from the bedroom (not their bedroom; not yet) and, both surprised and excited that Kurt's home already, he perks up his ears and listens from the hallway.
“Yeah, I know,” he's saying, “I can't believe it myself. But it's amazing, Tina” and that explains who Kurt's talking to, "I'm just... I didn't think I could be this happy, you know? I was getting to the point where I thought I'd never find someone or something this good, and how strange is it that he was my first ever boyfriend?"
Blaine's heart expands a little in his chest, and he can't help but move closer to the bedroom, socked feet thankfully quiet on the hardwood floor. There are a good thirty seconds of quiet where Blaine assumes Tina's saying something back and feels a bit guilty for listening in, and then Kurt hums softly.
"Well, yeah, it hasn't been the most ideal of set-ups for a relationship," Kurt says with a dry chuckle, "Honestly, I was all set to have it over and done with after the big blow-out, but...”
Blaine wrestles with the swing of panicky, fearful emotion that surges through him at these words. He has no right to be upset, really. He is eavesdropping, after all.
"...but the things he said, Tina... it was just, it made me remember why I fell in love with him all those years ago. Why I’m still in love with him. He used to say he wasn't very good at romance, but then he'd do or say something so ridiculously romantic." A pause, then, "Yeah, exactly like prom."
Blaine smiles at the memory, but Kurt continues and the smile's gone in about a second flat, "There are problems, though. I mean, the last few months have been so high-strung that it's almost weird for things to be going so smoothly right now. But I can't help but... oh, I don't know, there are just these times where I want to ask him not to do something, like... ohmygod Tina, he sleeps with his dirty socks on, in my bed, and it just grosses me out."
Blaine feels stung by the words, indignant and embarrassed, and even guiltier for listening in. And he's annoyed, too, because Kurt could just say that instead of complaining about it to Tina.
Kurt laughs, "No, I know. You’re right, it's just..." Kurt's voice becomes considerably more vulnerable as he continues, "I guess I'm just afraid to say those things because what if it turns into a giant fight, and then he leaves again? I keep having the same vision of his back as he walks out the door, and I hate that I'm scared to bring up my concerns, but I can't help how I feel, you know? Plus, I have no idea what things were like with his ex; we haven't talked about it, for obvious and very good reasons, but what if he didn't care about socks in bed? And I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, and neither is his tendency to leave hair in the sink after he shaves, or any of those stupid minute details, but I'm neurotic about those things, Tina, you know how I get. And then one day, as I'm wont to do, I’ll probably explode with all these really mean words about it, and then it will be a big deal."
There's another long moment of quiet where Tina's undoubtedly responding, which gives time for Blaine to reflect on this giant info-dump he shouldn't have heard in the first place. There are about a dozen different emotions warring inside of him (anger, guilt, and sadness, just to name a few), and they feel dangerous and scary in their combined potential.
"Yeah, I know," Kurt sighs, “I do need to talk to him about it at some point. You're right, it's not healthy, especially considering our in many ways unhealthy, recent history. And I will, eventually, but in the meantime thanks for letting me vent about it. God, I'm always taking up your time with these phone calls, huh?" Several beats, then a bout of very loud, enthusiastic laughter, "Aww, thanks, hon. I will. I was only down there for a couple days, just visiting Dad and everyone, so I didn't really have time, but I'll come back in July and see you, okay?"
Blaine's panicked again. Shit, they're nearing the end of the conversation. Why didn't he think about this part?
He supposes there's nothing to do but to have that conversation Kurt just said they need to have at the some point.
"Love you too," Kurt says warmly, "Don't kill yourself over work, okay? Take care of yourself. Yeah, I will. Bye, Tina.”
Kurt lets out a deep sigh from the bedroom, and then there are a few moments of muffled movement before Kurt's pushing open his door the whole way. He stops dead when he sees Blaine standing there. "Shit," Kurt says, with feeling, "Oh no, how long have you been there?"
Blaine purses his lips together, holding back a great many responses and settling on the quiet reply of, "A while."
Kurt cringes and sweeps a hand over his face. "I'm so sorry," he says quickly, starting toward Blaine.
"What are you sorry for?" Blaine asks softly. "Hell,” he continues, irritation flooding his voice, "Why shouldn't you talk to Tina about your problems with me? It makes a lot more sense than talking to me about them."
Kurt stops walking about five feet from Blaine, his feet planted firmly on the floor in a defensive stance. His jaw is set in that foreboding way of his as he fires back, "I said I'm sorry."
"Oh," says Blaine. "Well, okay then. I guess there's nothing more to say, right?"
"What do you want from me, Blaine?" Kurt demands, real annoyance present in every line of his body now. "I can't help how I feel."
"Yes, but you could have said something to me. I'm not so volatile that I'll explode at the simplest of requests," he says, matching Kurt's annoyance very easily.
"Did I say that? No I did not," Kurt replies testily. "Don’t put words in my mouth! It's just... not easy to say this stuff to you."
Blaine raises a sardonic eyebrow; he's gotten pretty good at it over the years. "Well, apparently it's easy to say that stuff to Tina."
"How should I have said it then?" Kurt snaps. "'Hey Blaine, could you not be a disgusting slob?'"
Blaine's mouth drops open. "Oh. Oh, we're doing this. Well, while we're on the subject of stuff that pisses you off, maybe you could stop being an asshole every morning before you've had your coffee?"
Kurt's eyes flash with anger, but Blaine's too gone to give a shit. "Oh, yeah, no problem," Kurt says in a falsely cheery manner. "But since I'm being so accommodating, perhaps you could make the bed once in a while? Or wash a dish? Or rinse out the shower after you're done? It's quite easy, really, you just take the shower handle--that's the thing the water comes out of--and give the tub a good rinse to get the grime out?"
Blaine laughs nastily. "Oh, thanks for that! I wasn't sure. Wait, the shower handle? Hang on, let me get a pen and paper. And say it a little slower this time, so I don't miss a step, 'kay?"
A slow, dangerous smile broadens on Kurt's face. "That's a wonderful idea! You should make a list," he says, clapping his hands together. "Be sure to include a section on not eavesdropping on private conversations."
"Mmm, sure," says Blaine, really getting into it now, "And since I'm making a list of things I need to work on, why don't you make one too? You could put 'not sharing intimate details of our relationship with other people’ on it."
"Great idea!" Kurt trills. "And your list won't be complete without a bit on missing the fucking point!" Kurt's voice rises at the end so that the words echo through the hallway. The sudden silence between them rockets through Blaine where he's standing, and he can feel a lump rising in his throat.
"I'm not missing the point," he says, keeping his voice steady. "I'm upset, okay?" His voice cracks on the last word. "I came home from a long fucking day after a long fucking week, and I was looking forward to spending some time with my boyfriend, and then I'm treated to a play-by-play of all the little things my boyfriend's been neglecting to mention for weeks." He's shaking now, voice hitching over every other word in a way that's embarrassing. But he's on the precipice of something really important, and there's no holding back now.
"I am on the tail-end of what's been, so far, pretty much the most difficult year of my life," Blaine says. "And I am trying really hard to understand why you think I'd put myself through any of that if I'm just planning to walk out of here at the slightest sign of trouble." Kurt's silent, his face a blank mask. Blaine swallows thickly.
"I know you've seen me leave this apartment too many times," he continues, "and I'm sorry about that. I can't tell you how sorry I am. But I don't know if you noticed that I always, always came back. And I always will. I can't stay away, Kurt, I've never been able to. And we're just going to stay stuck in this limbo of uncertainty if you keep holding back. I know I hurt you, I know I did this to us, but I am never going to leave you again. I am going to keep coming back, no matter how many harsh words you throw at me. I can take it, Kurt, I’m not going to shatter if you ask me not to wear socks to bed. And I'm not going to walk away from the best thing I've ever had."
Kurt's face crumples, and he literally dissolves into tears. "Why do you do this to me?" Kurt sobs. "How do you have this much power over me?"
Blaine's shoulders are shaking with his own sobs. "I don't know. You do the same to me.”
Kurt stumbles forward and drags Blaine into a fierce embrace, turning Blaine's face up and into a desperate, needy kiss that Blaine can feel all the way down to his toes. He returns the pressure with such urgency that the upswing of emotion rocks Blaine to his core. He sways on his feet and throws his arms around Kurt to press him closer. He can feel Kurt's tears on his face.
"We're so messed up," Kurt pants into the kiss, chest heaving.
Blaine nods and smears his lips across Kurt's cheek to his ear, kissing it gently. "I love you, though," he whispers through his tears, and Kurt shivers violently. "It scares me how much sometimes."
"Me too," Kurt mutters, and the words vibrate against Blaine's shoulder. Blaine shuts his eyes quick on a fresh wave of tears. God, they really are messed up. But there's nothing he wants more than this messed-up, beautiful life.
"I'm sorry I eavesdropped," he says.
Kurt shakes his head. "I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about any of this."
"I'm sorry I make you feel like you can't," Blaine says simply, brokenly.
"You don't," Kurt says firmly. "That's my own hang up, not yours."
Blaine pulls back just enough to look at Kurt directly. "No, Kurt. I made you this afraid. It is my fault, and I promise I'm going to spend the rest of our lives trying to make it up to you. I might fuck it up, but then I'll work just as hard to make it right again. Please believe me, Kurt. You have to trust me that I'm in this for good."
Kurt sighs. “I’ll do my best.”
Blaine tightens his hold on Kurt. “That’s really all I can ask for.” He smiles and caresses Kurt’s cheek. “Thank you.”
~*~
"Hey, Blaine?" Kurt calls from the bedroom.
"Yeah?" Blaine calls back distractedly, searching his briefcase for the files he needs to read over for tomorrow.
"Could you... put your shirt in the hamper next time?"
Blaine freezes, and then he laughs uproariously and abandons his task to cross the apartment to Kurt's bedroom. When he walks in Kurt's got a little smirk tugging on the corner of his mouth. Blaine picks up his shirt from the end of the bed, crumples it into a ball and lobs it into the hamper. "Done," he says warmly.
"Thank you," says Kurt, smirk even wider until it morphs into a real smile. "It's just. This is your home, too."
Blaine stares at Kurt in blind shock for far too long, and then he's smiling crazily. "Well,” he says, “if it's my home too, then you should know that I sometimes like to leave things where they are until I have time to get organized."
Kurt frowns, but not an irritated one; it's thoughtful. "Well, maybe we should find a bigger place? One with an office so you can have your very own space in which to leave your things as disorganized as you’d like?"
It's a dig, but a harmless one, and besides: Kurt's said something far more important. "You-you want a get a place together?" he asks in a rush.
"Well, we should find a home that's equally ours,” says Kurt reasonably. “We'll have to make compromises if we want things to go smoothly. Maybe we could find an apartment in-between our respective workplaces? And I've been meaning to get a bigger place anyway; I saw this to-die-for armoire the other day that I'd love to get for our bedroom. And we need more counter space in the bathroom. Plus, the kitchen's too small. And I'd love a proper balcony. And then there's--"
Blaine cuts him off with a slow, thorough kiss that's equal parts amazement at Kurt's ability to plan things so thoroughly (he should be used to it by now, but he's just not and he hopes he never is) and at the irresistible notion of finding a home with Kurt.
Kurt's lips cling for a dizzying moment to Blaine's bottom lip, and he breathes out a sexy, airy, "So that's a yes?"
Blaine tugs on Kurt's hand to bring him to the bed. "Let me show you how much of a yes."
Kurt sighs as he sinks into the mattress and Blaine straddles him on the bed. "We have so much to do, though," he says playfully, his hands climbing tantalizingly up Blaine's back. "We need a colour scheme for the bedroom and--ah!"
Blaine looks coyly up at Kurt through his eyelashes from where he's got his lips wrapped around one of Kurt's nipples. "I'm sorry, am I interrupting?" he asks, with as much breath as possible to make Kurt squirm under him.
Kurt lifts his arms up to allow Blaine the removal of his shirt. "It wasn't important anyway," he says, voice husky in a way that shoots straight to Blaine's already painfully hard cock.
Blaine grins. "It wasn't important?" he says, spreading kisses along Kurt's chest to his other nipple and tugging with his teeth. He shivers when Kurt drags in a harsh breath and presses his hips up against Blaine's. "My, my. The potential to shop isn't important to Kurt Hummel? I never thought I'd see the day."
Kurt rolls his eyes. "Would you shut up already and suck my cock?" he requests politely, eyes dark and--fuck.
"Gladly," Blaine says heatedly, and he kisses the reveal of skin as he works Kurt's jeans and underwear off. "Now, wait," he says, a breath away from Kurt's flushed dick. Kurt groans and strains against Blaine's strong hands on his hips. "I don't want to make a mess; my boyfriend's kind of particular about this sort of thing. Maybe I shouldn't--after all, sex is sort of messy."
Kurt glares down at Blaine, and it really shouldn't have such a colourful affect on him. "You--"
Blaine interrupts him with a hard, intent lick all along the length of him. Kurt gasps. "Me what?" Blaine flirts.
"You goddamn tease," Kurt growls.
Blaine smiles. "Yeah, but I always deliver, baby!"
Kurt cuffs Blaine's shoulder. "You are such a dork, ohmygod just get on with it already!"
Blaine gives Kurt a wolfish grin and takes Kurt in as far as he can go, which is pretty fucking far, and Kurt lets out a sexy, wanton moan. "Oh yes, yes." Blaine hums in reply and swallows, and Kurt's hands scrabble over his shoulders and don't even bother with grabbing his hair, gripping tight to the sides of Blaine's head instead. "Fuck, fuck, Blaine. Oh god you're so good at this."
Blaine hums at the praise and Kurt groans, trying to tug Blaine's head closer. Blaine pulls up and slides back down, and Kurt thrashes on the bed. This time Kurt's fingers do sink into the hair on his head, yanking hard, and Blaine outright groans and swallows again. Kurt sobs, "Blaine, oh!"
Blaine pulls all the way off, recognizing the tell-tale signs that Kurt's pretty close, and Kurt seems to whine louder at every inch that loses the heat of Blaine's mouth. "No, god don't stop," he whimpers.
"I want you to fuck me," Blaine says, raspy from... well, everything Kurt does to him.
Kurt moans harshly, rolling his head back into the pillow beneath it. "Okay," he says quickly. "Sure, yes, absolutely, sounds good," he babbles.
Blaine laughs and reaches for a condom on the nightstand, and then he's back and rolling it down on to Kurt's wet dick. Kurt shivers and clenches his hands in the sheets, turning his head to pant into the pillow. Blaine stares, so hard and throbbing in his pants (fuck why is he still wearing clothes?) that he's at a loss for what to do except enjoy the sight. Then he scrambles to his feet to tear his clothes off, in record speeds, before climbing back on top of his boyfriend with their oft-used bottle of lubricant clenched in his hand.
He starts preparing himself, watching Kurt with rapt attention. "Soon," he says, more like groans, "we'll be doing this in our home, in our bedroom, in our bed. And I'll want you to fuck me over and over again, just to break it all in properly."
Kurt's eyes snap open, and he licks his lips, his cock twitching where it rests hard against his stomach. Blaine's mouth goes dry, and he pushes three fingers inside himself, groaning and thrusting back on to his hand and up into nothing. He hunches forward to lick inside Kurt's mouth, relishing in the delicious moan he gets in return.
Then, prepared enough, he hitches up Kurt's body, reaching back and around blindly for Kurt’s dick. He kneels on either side of Kurt's hips and works himself down, arching into the slow burn as he goes. Kurt’s hands twitch and tremble in their hold of the sheets, his hips shaking from what Blaine knows to be the effort it’s taking not the bury himself inside of Blaine.
When he's fully seated on Kurt’s cock he breathes slowly out and stares down at Kurt's wide-eyed face. "Kurt..."
"Blaine." It seems ripped from Kurt's throat, and that's enough for Blaine to pull his hips up and slam back down, crying out from the sharp jolt of pleasure that's literally spreading throughout his body. Kurt chokes on a garbled sound that's almost a word but not quite, and then his arms are circling Blaine's waist as Kurt jolts up into him. Blaine's head snaps back of its own volition. He pants up at the ceiling, sweat trickling down his face, and rolls his hips in a circle.
"Ye-es!" Kurt gasps, and on another press down: "Oh god, Blaine, oh!"
Blaine growls Kurt's name and holds tight to Kurt's hips as he rolls on to his back. Kurt follows the movement, scrambling on the bed to arrange his knees for a hard thrust in. "Fuck, fuck," Blaine pants.
Kurt presses his thumbs sharply into Blaine's hips, pulls out and thrusts all the way in again, and then he holds it, hovering above Blaine and staring down with eyes blown wide with lust. Blaine clenches down on Kurt's cock inside him, unwilling to let him go.
"You're it for me, Kurt," Blaine gasps, voice nearly gone. "You're all I want, everything I want. Please don't give up on me."
"I won't." Kurt’s voice is high and soothing and breathy, "I won't. Don't ever leave me, Blaine, please.”
"Never," Blaine promises, kissing Kurt hard and messy. “Never again.” Kurt makes a noise in the back of his throat and buries his face in Blaine's hair. His breath is so shaky that Blaine can feel it against his scalp; he shivers, and Kurt thrusts in again with a deep groan, again and again. Blaine's meeting each thrust until Kurt wraps a quivering hand around Blaine's cock, and then he's just pulling Kurt closer, closer, as close as possible; god, he can never be close enough.
When he comes across Kurt's hand and stomach, it's with a loud and deep groan that cracks in the middle and cuts off at the end. There are tears in his eyes, and his hands are surely leaving marks on Kurt's skin. And then Kurt's crashing into him, practically silent in his orgasm compared to Blaine’s.
Kurt's face is pressed into Blaine's shoulder when the room finally feels big enough to hold them. He's breathing shallowly against Blaine's clavicle, and Blaine can feel Kurt’s weight draped across his body. He doesn't mind; he likes that comforting weight, and doesn't really want it to end. But eventually Kurt sucks in an enormous breath and pulls out and away, sliding sideways on to the bed. Blaine watches Kurt dispose of the condom and then roll back into him, plastered along his side with an arm thrown across his chest.
They stare at each other. Blaine guesses Kurt is similarly at a loss for what to say. Sex has never been that intense between them before, and he knows Kurt can feel it too. Hell, sex has never been that intense for Blaine, period.
Finally, Kurt sighs. "There's so much to do, I don’t even know where to start," he says, and the tension is officially broken as Blaine laughs, pressing the side of his face into the pillow they're sharing.
"Nice non sequitur," Blaine chuckles.
"Hey, it totally follows," Kurt argues, smiling at Blaine in such a beautiful way. "We were talking about it before!"
"Uh-huh," says Blaine, inching forward to press a kiss to Kurt's mouth. "Well, in that case," he mutters, brushing his nose along Kurt's jaw, "Do you need me to clean these sheets now? They're so dirty. I did warn you."
Kurt nips Blaine's cheek in retribution. "You're a dick, you know that?"
"I do know that," Blaine says cheerfully, "and unfortunately for you, you're stuck with me."
"Yeah, I didn't think that one through," Kurt mutters, the tips of his fingers brushing Blaine's chest in lazy, sleep-inducing strokes. Kurt smiles against Blaine's throat. "Is it too late to change my mind?"
Blaine flicks Kurt's ear. "Yep."
"Crap," says Kurt, sexy smirk on in all its glory. "Well, in that case," he mocks, "I do need you to change the sheets. Immediately. They really are unspeakably filthy."
“Just like you,” Blaine sighs happily, and he rolls Kurt, laughing breathlessly, underneath him.
He’s already fantasizing about their new home. They're at the beginning of something new, and if it's going to be this unpredictable and fun he’s not so worried about the rough patches that are bound to come.
He can't wait to get started.
Title: You Have My Heart (So Don’t Hurt Me)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: None
Spoilers: You should probably be caught up on the latest episodes.
Word Count: Roughly 4,000 words.
Summary: Awkward timing has always been a contributing factor in their relationship, from the beginning, so Blaine should really be used to it by now. A companion piece to Synchronization.
Notes: This was written for wordplay for the help_japan auction charity. She bid on and won my fic offering and then expressed interest in reading more about Kurt and Blaine from the Synchronization ‘verse. Thanks again for the very generous donation you made to the American Red Cross, my darling, and I truly hope this is to your liking... ♥
This was betaed by the very lovely caroline_shea. Thank you for the cheerleading and helpful suggestions, bb!
The rest of the notes for this will be under the cut. 'Cause I'm wordy like that!
So, as stated in the summary, this is a very long overdue companion piece to Synchronization. I don't think this story will read well without the context, so it will help if you're familiar with that.
To anyone who has read Synchronization and enjoyed it: I consider Synchronization my baby, so trying to write in that ‘verse for the past couple of months (and scrapping so many dismal, awful attempts) has been a terrifying experience because I just don’t want to let anyone down. But it’s written, and all I can do is deliver my very best attempt and hope that it’s good enough. Love to you all!
Finally, the title for this is borrowed from the song Dreams by The Cranberries, which I think is a pretty accurate theme for Blaine’s feelings about his relationship with and feelings for Kurt both during and in the aftermath of what happened in Synchronization.
---
It's not actually that surprising when Blaine stops to think about it afterward. They were both walking on eggshells, stepping around the ever-growing tensions between them like they were landmines, and in fact Blaine's amazed something like this didn't happen sooner.
It’s just another reminder to Blaine that the universe has a strange way of synchronizing their lives, and apparently their schedules, in highly significant ways. Awkward timing has always been a contributing factor in their relationship, from the beginning, so Blaine should really be used to it by now.
But it's not all bad, especially when it leads to important revelations.
~*~
Blaine lets himself inside Kurt's apartment (he hasn't yet progressed to calling it their apartment, even in his head) and places his briefcase by the door, bending down to untie the laces of his loafers so he can step right out of them.
Kurt will still be at work, perhaps finishing up, and then he'll be heading home on the subway. It's been a long week for the both of them, and Blaine's glad to have a couple of days off where he and Kurt can just relax without worrying about anything.
Blaine starts toward the kitchen, but then he hears Kurt's voice coming from the bedroom (not their bedroom; not yet) and, both surprised and excited that Kurt's home already, he perks up his ears and listens from the hallway.
“Yeah, I know,” he's saying, “I can't believe it myself. But it's amazing, Tina” and that explains who Kurt's talking to, "I'm just... I didn't think I could be this happy, you know? I was getting to the point where I thought I'd never find someone or something this good, and how strange is it that he was my first ever boyfriend?"
Blaine's heart expands a little in his chest, and he can't help but move closer to the bedroom, socked feet thankfully quiet on the hardwood floor. There are a good thirty seconds of quiet where Blaine assumes Tina's saying something back and feels a bit guilty for listening in, and then Kurt hums softly.
"Well, yeah, it hasn't been the most ideal of set-ups for a relationship," Kurt says with a dry chuckle, "Honestly, I was all set to have it over and done with after the big blow-out, but...”
Blaine wrestles with the swing of panicky, fearful emotion that surges through him at these words. He has no right to be upset, really. He is eavesdropping, after all.
"...but the things he said, Tina... it was just, it made me remember why I fell in love with him all those years ago. Why I’m still in love with him. He used to say he wasn't very good at romance, but then he'd do or say something so ridiculously romantic." A pause, then, "Yeah, exactly like prom."
Blaine smiles at the memory, but Kurt continues and the smile's gone in about a second flat, "There are problems, though. I mean, the last few months have been so high-strung that it's almost weird for things to be going so smoothly right now. But I can't help but... oh, I don't know, there are just these times where I want to ask him not to do something, like... ohmygod Tina, he sleeps with his dirty socks on, in my bed, and it just grosses me out."
Blaine feels stung by the words, indignant and embarrassed, and even guiltier for listening in. And he's annoyed, too, because Kurt could just say that instead of complaining about it to Tina.
Kurt laughs, "No, I know. You’re right, it's just..." Kurt's voice becomes considerably more vulnerable as he continues, "I guess I'm just afraid to say those things because what if it turns into a giant fight, and then he leaves again? I keep having the same vision of his back as he walks out the door, and I hate that I'm scared to bring up my concerns, but I can't help how I feel, you know? Plus, I have no idea what things were like with his ex; we haven't talked about it, for obvious and very good reasons, but what if he didn't care about socks in bed? And I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, and neither is his tendency to leave hair in the sink after he shaves, or any of those stupid minute details, but I'm neurotic about those things, Tina, you know how I get. And then one day, as I'm wont to do, I’ll probably explode with all these really mean words about it, and then it will be a big deal."
There's another long moment of quiet where Tina's undoubtedly responding, which gives time for Blaine to reflect on this giant info-dump he shouldn't have heard in the first place. There are about a dozen different emotions warring inside of him (anger, guilt, and sadness, just to name a few), and they feel dangerous and scary in their combined potential.
"Yeah, I know," Kurt sighs, “I do need to talk to him about it at some point. You're right, it's not healthy, especially considering our in many ways unhealthy, recent history. And I will, eventually, but in the meantime thanks for letting me vent about it. God, I'm always taking up your time with these phone calls, huh?" Several beats, then a bout of very loud, enthusiastic laughter, "Aww, thanks, hon. I will. I was only down there for a couple days, just visiting Dad and everyone, so I didn't really have time, but I'll come back in July and see you, okay?"
Blaine's panicked again. Shit, they're nearing the end of the conversation. Why didn't he think about this part?
He supposes there's nothing to do but to have that conversation Kurt just said they need to have at the some point.
"Love you too," Kurt says warmly, "Don't kill yourself over work, okay? Take care of yourself. Yeah, I will. Bye, Tina.”
Kurt lets out a deep sigh from the bedroom, and then there are a few moments of muffled movement before Kurt's pushing open his door the whole way. He stops dead when he sees Blaine standing there. "Shit," Kurt says, with feeling, "Oh no, how long have you been there?"
Blaine purses his lips together, holding back a great many responses and settling on the quiet reply of, "A while."
Kurt cringes and sweeps a hand over his face. "I'm so sorry," he says quickly, starting toward Blaine.
"What are you sorry for?" Blaine asks softly. "Hell,” he continues, irritation flooding his voice, "Why shouldn't you talk to Tina about your problems with me? It makes a lot more sense than talking to me about them."
Kurt stops walking about five feet from Blaine, his feet planted firmly on the floor in a defensive stance. His jaw is set in that foreboding way of his as he fires back, "I said I'm sorry."
"Oh," says Blaine. "Well, okay then. I guess there's nothing more to say, right?"
"What do you want from me, Blaine?" Kurt demands, real annoyance present in every line of his body now. "I can't help how I feel."
"Yes, but you could have said something to me. I'm not so volatile that I'll explode at the simplest of requests," he says, matching Kurt's annoyance very easily.
"Did I say that? No I did not," Kurt replies testily. "Don’t put words in my mouth! It's just... not easy to say this stuff to you."
Blaine raises a sardonic eyebrow; he's gotten pretty good at it over the years. "Well, apparently it's easy to say that stuff to Tina."
"How should I have said it then?" Kurt snaps. "'Hey Blaine, could you not be a disgusting slob?'"
Blaine's mouth drops open. "Oh. Oh, we're doing this. Well, while we're on the subject of stuff that pisses you off, maybe you could stop being an asshole every morning before you've had your coffee?"
Kurt's eyes flash with anger, but Blaine's too gone to give a shit. "Oh, yeah, no problem," Kurt says in a falsely cheery manner. "But since I'm being so accommodating, perhaps you could make the bed once in a while? Or wash a dish? Or rinse out the shower after you're done? It's quite easy, really, you just take the shower handle--that's the thing the water comes out of--and give the tub a good rinse to get the grime out?"
Blaine laughs nastily. "Oh, thanks for that! I wasn't sure. Wait, the shower handle? Hang on, let me get a pen and paper. And say it a little slower this time, so I don't miss a step, 'kay?"
A slow, dangerous smile broadens on Kurt's face. "That's a wonderful idea! You should make a list," he says, clapping his hands together. "Be sure to include a section on not eavesdropping on private conversations."
"Mmm, sure," says Blaine, really getting into it now, "And since I'm making a list of things I need to work on, why don't you make one too? You could put 'not sharing intimate details of our relationship with other people’ on it."
"Great idea!" Kurt trills. "And your list won't be complete without a bit on missing the fucking point!" Kurt's voice rises at the end so that the words echo through the hallway. The sudden silence between them rockets through Blaine where he's standing, and he can feel a lump rising in his throat.
"I'm not missing the point," he says, keeping his voice steady. "I'm upset, okay?" His voice cracks on the last word. "I came home from a long fucking day after a long fucking week, and I was looking forward to spending some time with my boyfriend, and then I'm treated to a play-by-play of all the little things my boyfriend's been neglecting to mention for weeks." He's shaking now, voice hitching over every other word in a way that's embarrassing. But he's on the precipice of something really important, and there's no holding back now.
"I am on the tail-end of what's been, so far, pretty much the most difficult year of my life," Blaine says. "And I am trying really hard to understand why you think I'd put myself through any of that if I'm just planning to walk out of here at the slightest sign of trouble." Kurt's silent, his face a blank mask. Blaine swallows thickly.
"I know you've seen me leave this apartment too many times," he continues, "and I'm sorry about that. I can't tell you how sorry I am. But I don't know if you noticed that I always, always came back. And I always will. I can't stay away, Kurt, I've never been able to. And we're just going to stay stuck in this limbo of uncertainty if you keep holding back. I know I hurt you, I know I did this to us, but I am never going to leave you again. I am going to keep coming back, no matter how many harsh words you throw at me. I can take it, Kurt, I’m not going to shatter if you ask me not to wear socks to bed. And I'm not going to walk away from the best thing I've ever had."
Kurt's face crumples, and he literally dissolves into tears. "Why do you do this to me?" Kurt sobs. "How do you have this much power over me?"
Blaine's shoulders are shaking with his own sobs. "I don't know. You do the same to me.”
Kurt stumbles forward and drags Blaine into a fierce embrace, turning Blaine's face up and into a desperate, needy kiss that Blaine can feel all the way down to his toes. He returns the pressure with such urgency that the upswing of emotion rocks Blaine to his core. He sways on his feet and throws his arms around Kurt to press him closer. He can feel Kurt's tears on his face.
"We're so messed up," Kurt pants into the kiss, chest heaving.
Blaine nods and smears his lips across Kurt's cheek to his ear, kissing it gently. "I love you, though," he whispers through his tears, and Kurt shivers violently. "It scares me how much sometimes."
"Me too," Kurt mutters, and the words vibrate against Blaine's shoulder. Blaine shuts his eyes quick on a fresh wave of tears. God, they really are messed up. But there's nothing he wants more than this messed-up, beautiful life.
"I'm sorry I eavesdropped," he says.
Kurt shakes his head. "I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about any of this."
"I'm sorry I make you feel like you can't," Blaine says simply, brokenly.
"You don't," Kurt says firmly. "That's my own hang up, not yours."
Blaine pulls back just enough to look at Kurt directly. "No, Kurt. I made you this afraid. It is my fault, and I promise I'm going to spend the rest of our lives trying to make it up to you. I might fuck it up, but then I'll work just as hard to make it right again. Please believe me, Kurt. You have to trust me that I'm in this for good."
Kurt sighs. “I’ll do my best.”
Blaine tightens his hold on Kurt. “That’s really all I can ask for.” He smiles and caresses Kurt’s cheek. “Thank you.”
~*~
"Hey, Blaine?" Kurt calls from the bedroom.
"Yeah?" Blaine calls back distractedly, searching his briefcase for the files he needs to read over for tomorrow.
"Could you... put your shirt in the hamper next time?"
Blaine freezes, and then he laughs uproariously and abandons his task to cross the apartment to Kurt's bedroom. When he walks in Kurt's got a little smirk tugging on the corner of his mouth. Blaine picks up his shirt from the end of the bed, crumples it into a ball and lobs it into the hamper. "Done," he says warmly.
"Thank you," says Kurt, smirk even wider until it morphs into a real smile. "It's just. This is your home, too."
Blaine stares at Kurt in blind shock for far too long, and then he's smiling crazily. "Well,” he says, “if it's my home too, then you should know that I sometimes like to leave things where they are until I have time to get organized."
Kurt frowns, but not an irritated one; it's thoughtful. "Well, maybe we should find a bigger place? One with an office so you can have your very own space in which to leave your things as disorganized as you’d like?"
It's a dig, but a harmless one, and besides: Kurt's said something far more important. "You-you want a get a place together?" he asks in a rush.
"Well, we should find a home that's equally ours,” says Kurt reasonably. “We'll have to make compromises if we want things to go smoothly. Maybe we could find an apartment in-between our respective workplaces? And I've been meaning to get a bigger place anyway; I saw this to-die-for armoire the other day that I'd love to get for our bedroom. And we need more counter space in the bathroom. Plus, the kitchen's too small. And I'd love a proper balcony. And then there's--"
Blaine cuts him off with a slow, thorough kiss that's equal parts amazement at Kurt's ability to plan things so thoroughly (he should be used to it by now, but he's just not and he hopes he never is) and at the irresistible notion of finding a home with Kurt.
Kurt's lips cling for a dizzying moment to Blaine's bottom lip, and he breathes out a sexy, airy, "So that's a yes?"
Blaine tugs on Kurt's hand to bring him to the bed. "Let me show you how much of a yes."
Kurt sighs as he sinks into the mattress and Blaine straddles him on the bed. "We have so much to do, though," he says playfully, his hands climbing tantalizingly up Blaine's back. "We need a colour scheme for the bedroom and--ah!"
Blaine looks coyly up at Kurt through his eyelashes from where he's got his lips wrapped around one of Kurt's nipples. "I'm sorry, am I interrupting?" he asks, with as much breath as possible to make Kurt squirm under him.
Kurt lifts his arms up to allow Blaine the removal of his shirt. "It wasn't important anyway," he says, voice husky in a way that shoots straight to Blaine's already painfully hard cock.
Blaine grins. "It wasn't important?" he says, spreading kisses along Kurt's chest to his other nipple and tugging with his teeth. He shivers when Kurt drags in a harsh breath and presses his hips up against Blaine's. "My, my. The potential to shop isn't important to Kurt Hummel? I never thought I'd see the day."
Kurt rolls his eyes. "Would you shut up already and suck my cock?" he requests politely, eyes dark and--fuck.
"Gladly," Blaine says heatedly, and he kisses the reveal of skin as he works Kurt's jeans and underwear off. "Now, wait," he says, a breath away from Kurt's flushed dick. Kurt groans and strains against Blaine's strong hands on his hips. "I don't want to make a mess; my boyfriend's kind of particular about this sort of thing. Maybe I shouldn't--after all, sex is sort of messy."
Kurt glares down at Blaine, and it really shouldn't have such a colourful affect on him. "You--"
Blaine interrupts him with a hard, intent lick all along the length of him. Kurt gasps. "Me what?" Blaine flirts.
"You goddamn tease," Kurt growls.
Blaine smiles. "Yeah, but I always deliver, baby!"
Kurt cuffs Blaine's shoulder. "You are such a dork, ohmygod just get on with it already!"
Blaine gives Kurt a wolfish grin and takes Kurt in as far as he can go, which is pretty fucking far, and Kurt lets out a sexy, wanton moan. "Oh yes, yes." Blaine hums in reply and swallows, and Kurt's hands scrabble over his shoulders and don't even bother with grabbing his hair, gripping tight to the sides of Blaine's head instead. "Fuck, fuck, Blaine. Oh god you're so good at this."
Blaine hums at the praise and Kurt groans, trying to tug Blaine's head closer. Blaine pulls up and slides back down, and Kurt thrashes on the bed. This time Kurt's fingers do sink into the hair on his head, yanking hard, and Blaine outright groans and swallows again. Kurt sobs, "Blaine, oh!"
Blaine pulls all the way off, recognizing the tell-tale signs that Kurt's pretty close, and Kurt seems to whine louder at every inch that loses the heat of Blaine's mouth. "No, god don't stop," he whimpers.
"I want you to fuck me," Blaine says, raspy from... well, everything Kurt does to him.
Kurt moans harshly, rolling his head back into the pillow beneath it. "Okay," he says quickly. "Sure, yes, absolutely, sounds good," he babbles.
Blaine laughs and reaches for a condom on the nightstand, and then he's back and rolling it down on to Kurt's wet dick. Kurt shivers and clenches his hands in the sheets, turning his head to pant into the pillow. Blaine stares, so hard and throbbing in his pants (fuck why is he still wearing clothes?) that he's at a loss for what to do except enjoy the sight. Then he scrambles to his feet to tear his clothes off, in record speeds, before climbing back on top of his boyfriend with their oft-used bottle of lubricant clenched in his hand.
He starts preparing himself, watching Kurt with rapt attention. "Soon," he says, more like groans, "we'll be doing this in our home, in our bedroom, in our bed. And I'll want you to fuck me over and over again, just to break it all in properly."
Kurt's eyes snap open, and he licks his lips, his cock twitching where it rests hard against his stomach. Blaine's mouth goes dry, and he pushes three fingers inside himself, groaning and thrusting back on to his hand and up into nothing. He hunches forward to lick inside Kurt's mouth, relishing in the delicious moan he gets in return.
Then, prepared enough, he hitches up Kurt's body, reaching back and around blindly for Kurt’s dick. He kneels on either side of Kurt's hips and works himself down, arching into the slow burn as he goes. Kurt’s hands twitch and tremble in their hold of the sheets, his hips shaking from what Blaine knows to be the effort it’s taking not the bury himself inside of Blaine.
When he's fully seated on Kurt’s cock he breathes slowly out and stares down at Kurt's wide-eyed face. "Kurt..."
"Blaine." It seems ripped from Kurt's throat, and that's enough for Blaine to pull his hips up and slam back down, crying out from the sharp jolt of pleasure that's literally spreading throughout his body. Kurt chokes on a garbled sound that's almost a word but not quite, and then his arms are circling Blaine's waist as Kurt jolts up into him. Blaine's head snaps back of its own volition. He pants up at the ceiling, sweat trickling down his face, and rolls his hips in a circle.
"Ye-es!" Kurt gasps, and on another press down: "Oh god, Blaine, oh!"
Blaine growls Kurt's name and holds tight to Kurt's hips as he rolls on to his back. Kurt follows the movement, scrambling on the bed to arrange his knees for a hard thrust in. "Fuck, fuck," Blaine pants.
Kurt presses his thumbs sharply into Blaine's hips, pulls out and thrusts all the way in again, and then he holds it, hovering above Blaine and staring down with eyes blown wide with lust. Blaine clenches down on Kurt's cock inside him, unwilling to let him go.
"You're it for me, Kurt," Blaine gasps, voice nearly gone. "You're all I want, everything I want. Please don't give up on me."
"I won't." Kurt’s voice is high and soothing and breathy, "I won't. Don't ever leave me, Blaine, please.”
"Never," Blaine promises, kissing Kurt hard and messy. “Never again.” Kurt makes a noise in the back of his throat and buries his face in Blaine's hair. His breath is so shaky that Blaine can feel it against his scalp; he shivers, and Kurt thrusts in again with a deep groan, again and again. Blaine's meeting each thrust until Kurt wraps a quivering hand around Blaine's cock, and then he's just pulling Kurt closer, closer, as close as possible; god, he can never be close enough.
When he comes across Kurt's hand and stomach, it's with a loud and deep groan that cracks in the middle and cuts off at the end. There are tears in his eyes, and his hands are surely leaving marks on Kurt's skin. And then Kurt's crashing into him, practically silent in his orgasm compared to Blaine’s.
Kurt's face is pressed into Blaine's shoulder when the room finally feels big enough to hold them. He's breathing shallowly against Blaine's clavicle, and Blaine can feel Kurt’s weight draped across his body. He doesn't mind; he likes that comforting weight, and doesn't really want it to end. But eventually Kurt sucks in an enormous breath and pulls out and away, sliding sideways on to the bed. Blaine watches Kurt dispose of the condom and then roll back into him, plastered along his side with an arm thrown across his chest.
They stare at each other. Blaine guesses Kurt is similarly at a loss for what to say. Sex has never been that intense between them before, and he knows Kurt can feel it too. Hell, sex has never been that intense for Blaine, period.
Finally, Kurt sighs. "There's so much to do, I don’t even know where to start," he says, and the tension is officially broken as Blaine laughs, pressing the side of his face into the pillow they're sharing.
"Nice non sequitur," Blaine chuckles.
"Hey, it totally follows," Kurt argues, smiling at Blaine in such a beautiful way. "We were talking about it before!"
"Uh-huh," says Blaine, inching forward to press a kiss to Kurt's mouth. "Well, in that case," he mutters, brushing his nose along Kurt's jaw, "Do you need me to clean these sheets now? They're so dirty. I did warn you."
Kurt nips Blaine's cheek in retribution. "You're a dick, you know that?"
"I do know that," Blaine says cheerfully, "and unfortunately for you, you're stuck with me."
"Yeah, I didn't think that one through," Kurt mutters, the tips of his fingers brushing Blaine's chest in lazy, sleep-inducing strokes. Kurt smiles against Blaine's throat. "Is it too late to change my mind?"
Blaine flicks Kurt's ear. "Yep."
"Crap," says Kurt, sexy smirk on in all its glory. "Well, in that case," he mocks, "I do need you to change the sheets. Immediately. They really are unspeakably filthy."
“Just like you,” Blaine sighs happily, and he rolls Kurt, laughing breathlessly, underneath him.
He’s already fantasizing about their new home. They're at the beginning of something new, and if it's going to be this unpredictable and fun he’s not so worried about the rough patches that are bound to come.
He can't wait to get started.