(no subject)
Written as per request from xiao_huli_chan. Original request post is here.
Title: The Birds and The Bees
Characters: Kurosaki Isshin, Kurosaki Ichigo. Mentions of Tatsuki.
Theme: Sex Education
Rating: PG
Warning: Total crack.
Disclaimer: The only BLEACH I own takes the colour out of my clothes.
Five years ago, Kurosaki Isshin had decided it was time to educate his then-ten year old son about the birds and the bees. It seemed like a good idea at that time - the boy was growing up and soon he'd be feeling more than just friendship for girls. And it was only to be expected. After all, Isshin thought smugly, the kid had his genes.
Planting his hands on his hips, he bent down and stared at his young son, who sat on the floor with his chin in his palm, staring at the television. "Ichigo," he started, drawing a wary glance from his son. "It's time we talked about the birds and the bees." He wagged a finger at his son, smiling. "Especially since you've been spending a lot of time with that Tatsuki girl."
Ichigo turned his attention back to the television programme that he had been watching before his father interrupted. "I already know about the birds and the bees, dad," he responded lazily, focused on the screen. Shocked, Isshin stared at his son, all impression of the boy's innocence shattered.
"W-w-w-w-what?!" Isshin sputtered in disbelief. "You're only ten! How could you know!" Tears started to pour. "Daddy... Daddy's supposed to teach you about that kind of stuff!"
"I said, I already know." Ichigo did not take his eyes off the television screen. "Bees sting and birds go tweet."
Isshin stopped in mid-panic. "What?"
"You heard me. Bees sting and birds go tweet. Don't you know that already... Dad?"
Isshin sank to the floor, perhaps in relief, perhaps in disbelief at what he was hearing. "You're... Right..." he said, laughing weakly. Ichigo ignored his father, choosing instead to immerse himself in the screen of colour before him.
Now, when his precious son was all grown up at the very manly age of fifteen, Isshin decided that it would be better to let nature take its own course. After all, who said birds only knew how to chirp?
Written as per request from makeupmassacare. Original request post is here.
Title: Afterthought
Characters: Matsumoto Rangiku, Hitsugaya Toushiro
Theme: Watermelon
Rating: PG
Warning: Total crack.
Disclaimer: The only BLEACH I own takes the colour out of my clothes.
"Ne, taichou, want some?"
Hitsugaya Toushiro wrinkled his nose as his vice-captain shoved a plate of watermelon in front of his face. The juicy, cold fruit seemed to quiver, just mere inches from his nose, and he shoved the plate away.
"In case you have forgotten, Matsumoto, the paperwork is still not done."
Matsumoto Rangiku giggled, biting into a slice of watermelon, waving her hand at a stack of papers on her desk. "Oh, don't worry about it, taichou!" She said, swallowing. "It's really sweet. Anyway, I specially asked one of the shinigami to bring this over."
Hitsugaya raised his eyebrows. "You bullied him into it, more like." Matsumoto leaned over and stared Hitsugaya in the face, giving him a full view of her abundant cleavage.
"Ne, come on, now!" The red juice was dripping onto his paperwork, and Hitsugaya was starting to get irritated. If he didn't find a way to get Matsumoto and her watermelon-like bosom out of his way, he'd never finish his work. Not to mention, it would get ruined by the juice she was happily spilling all over the clean white paper. The slice of watermelon inched ever closer to his face, and, with a resigned sigh, Hitsugaya took a small bite.
"Are you happy now?" He asked, clearly peeved. Matsumoto nodded, bouncing off her taichou's desk. She sauntered off, plate in one hand and a slice of watermelon in the other, humming as she happily munched into the fruit.
Hitsugaya sighed again, this time in regret. He should have opened his mouth sooner. Matsumoto was right - the watermelon was sweet.
Title: The Birds and The Bees
Characters: Kurosaki Isshin, Kurosaki Ichigo. Mentions of Tatsuki.
Theme: Sex Education
Rating: PG
Warning: Total crack.
Disclaimer: The only BLEACH I own takes the colour out of my clothes.
Five years ago, Kurosaki Isshin had decided it was time to educate his then-ten year old son about the birds and the bees. It seemed like a good idea at that time - the boy was growing up and soon he'd be feeling more than just friendship for girls. And it was only to be expected. After all, Isshin thought smugly, the kid had his genes.
Planting his hands on his hips, he bent down and stared at his young son, who sat on the floor with his chin in his palm, staring at the television. "Ichigo," he started, drawing a wary glance from his son. "It's time we talked about the birds and the bees." He wagged a finger at his son, smiling. "Especially since you've been spending a lot of time with that Tatsuki girl."
Ichigo turned his attention back to the television programme that he had been watching before his father interrupted. "I already know about the birds and the bees, dad," he responded lazily, focused on the screen. Shocked, Isshin stared at his son, all impression of the boy's innocence shattered.
"W-w-w-w-what?!" Isshin sputtered in disbelief. "You're only ten! How could you know!" Tears started to pour. "Daddy... Daddy's supposed to teach you about that kind of stuff!"
"I said, I already know." Ichigo did not take his eyes off the television screen. "Bees sting and birds go tweet."
Isshin stopped in mid-panic. "What?"
"You heard me. Bees sting and birds go tweet. Don't you know that already... Dad?"
Isshin sank to the floor, perhaps in relief, perhaps in disbelief at what he was hearing. "You're... Right..." he said, laughing weakly. Ichigo ignored his father, choosing instead to immerse himself in the screen of colour before him.
Now, when his precious son was all grown up at the very manly age of fifteen, Isshin decided that it would be better to let nature take its own course. After all, who said birds only knew how to chirp?
Written as per request from makeupmassacare. Original request post is here.
Title: Afterthought
Characters: Matsumoto Rangiku, Hitsugaya Toushiro
Theme: Watermelon
Rating: PG
Warning: Total crack.
Disclaimer: The only BLEACH I own takes the colour out of my clothes.
"Ne, taichou, want some?"
Hitsugaya Toushiro wrinkled his nose as his vice-captain shoved a plate of watermelon in front of his face. The juicy, cold fruit seemed to quiver, just mere inches from his nose, and he shoved the plate away.
"In case you have forgotten, Matsumoto, the paperwork is still not done."
Matsumoto Rangiku giggled, biting into a slice of watermelon, waving her hand at a stack of papers on her desk. "Oh, don't worry about it, taichou!" She said, swallowing. "It's really sweet. Anyway, I specially asked one of the shinigami to bring this over."
Hitsugaya raised his eyebrows. "You bullied him into it, more like." Matsumoto leaned over and stared Hitsugaya in the face, giving him a full view of her abundant cleavage.
"Ne, come on, now!" The red juice was dripping onto his paperwork, and Hitsugaya was starting to get irritated. If he didn't find a way to get Matsumoto and her watermelon-like bosom out of his way, he'd never finish his work. Not to mention, it would get ruined by the juice she was happily spilling all over the clean white paper. The slice of watermelon inched ever closer to his face, and, with a resigned sigh, Hitsugaya took a small bite.
"Are you happy now?" He asked, clearly peeved. Matsumoto nodded, bouncing off her taichou's desk. She sauntered off, plate in one hand and a slice of watermelon in the other, humming as she happily munched into the fruit.
Hitsugaya sighed again, this time in regret. He should have opened his mouth sooner. Matsumoto was right - the watermelon was sweet.