Maybe It Was When
Title: Maybe It Was When
Author: Kurokitsune09
Rating: PG-13
Genre: General/Romance
Focus: Broken! to Mended!Jongho, Broken! to Mended!Khuntoria
Sub-Focus: SHINee, F(x), WGM Cast, Some Members of Suju
Notes: A follow up to Again and Again. This is a bit happier. I promise you. This was kind of stream of conscious writing so it might not make a lot of sense and because it was stream of conscious, I've got some really weird tense and transitions. Sorry about that. ^^U I hope it at least makes some sort of sense. ^^U
The moment he opens the door, he knows they have guests in the dorms because he can hear Luna’s infectious laughter bouncing off the walls followed by his hyung’s low chuckle. A smile tugged his lips as he gently slipped from his shoes into slippers and he slids into the living room, his lithe frame making little to no noise. He leans his weight against a side table housing a lamp and his eyes flicker over the heads crowded in their living room; his hyung one of them. He sees Krystal with her beautiful complexion and adoring smile, Sulli with her charming eye smile and a carrot half-dangling in between her teeth, Luna clapping and her face lit up from her giggles but most of all he sees Victoria and Jonghyun smiling. And they’re smiling like they have no care in the world, like there is no problem and it hurts him the most.
“Oppa!!” Krystal’s voice startles him for a moment from his thoughts and he jerks his head around to see the speaker. His lips curl into a smile and he waves, laughing softly when Sulli bounds up and drags him into their circle. Krystal beams and throws a flower that he hadn’t noticed her messing with at him. It lands in his hair, coloring the somewhat-dark locks with a splash of golden from the daffodil. Jonghyun laughs and Victoria giggles behind her hands while Luna chirps,
“It looks good on you Min-ah,” Taemin grins at his same aged idol and Sulli asks somewhat hesitantly, “Oppa, why are you home so early? I thought you weren’t supposed to be back for a few more hours,”
“I couldn’t stand the gushing,” is all he says and Luna frowns faintly. Jonghyun and Victoria exchange confused glances and Krystal suddenly starts muttering in English. Sulli slaps her arm when the English accented, “Minkhun my ass,” slips from her lips and Victoria loses her smile and Jonghyun loses the sparkle in his eyes. Krystal winces and murmurs a quiet apology while Taemin squeezes himself between Victoria and Jonghyun and hugs them both, offering silent comfort.
“We’re here hyung, noona,” and Taemin feels his heart break for them when Victoria turns her face into his neck and she sobs while Jonghyun leans back against the couch, his head tilting back to look at the ceiling, eyes bright. Luna moves to clutch his hand, squeezing lightly and no one says anything when tears start rolling down his cheeks. Taemin smiles bitterly and he strokes Victoria’s dark hair repeating, “We’re here noona, hyung. We’ll always be here,”
~*~*~
Not to say that it hadn’t been awkward in the first place, but for reasons unknown, We Got Married suddenly got even more awkward. The MCs bemoan the lack of progress on KhunToria’s end because they haven’t so much as fed each other in two weeks and there were no shy touching or accidental brushing of the hands. Seulong was this close to tearing his hair out and Jinwoon almost threw a microphone at Nichkhun. They didn’t want to see the awkward, “I’m trying to avoid you but I can't,” game from them, or rather, Victoria.
Of course, during a complaint session to Seohyun and Jokwon during a film break, Jinwoon learns and he actually does throw a mic at Nichkhun. He wasn’t guilty when he sees his scalp turn red when Ga-In pretends to be caring and check his head. She gets shoved aside as Minho shows up and Seohyun and Yonghwa lead Victoria out when she starts hyperventilating. Filming gets post-poned for the week and the present 2AM members feel nothing but pure hatred for Nichkhun when they see Victoria’s tearing eyes as she clamours into SHINee’s van after filming [Taemin and Onew were her moral support it seemed]. Taemin locks Minho out of the car claiming there wasn’t enough room and Minho ends up riding in the OneDay van.
During the ride back to the dorms, it’s quiet and then Jokwon says, “I think the two of you may have fucked up big time,”
Jinwoon snorts and Seulong’s hands tighten into fists and Minho and Nichkhun don’t say a word.
~*~*~
Minho and Nichkhun are troubled as they sit outside the OneDay dorms sometime late in the night. A smoldering cigarette is in between Nichkhun’s lips and a butt was being crushed under Minho’s shoe. There are no words exchanged and they just bask in this shared, toxic habit. It’s quiet then Minho’s deep voice cuts through the air bitterly.
“I fucking hate you, you know that?” Nichkhun snorts and he sneers, “The feeling’s fucking mutual,”
The 2PM member takes a drag, feeling the toxins enter his lungs and he slowly stops feeling that burning pain that occurred every time he remembers her smile. Minho lights another cigarette, the feel of the lighter heavy and familiar in his hands and he inhales the smoke. They don’t remember when this habit started.
Maybe it started when seeing Victoria and Jonghyun so broken hurt so much more than they ever thought it could. Maybe it started when they realized that loving each other was more painful than love should be. Maybe it was when…
~*~*~
Victoria is surprised and slightly terrified when Nichkhun slams her to the wall of her dressing room halfway into filming. She has half a mind to scream because the grip he has on her wrists is to the point of painful and fear was drowning other emotions. Then she gets a good look at his face and she smells his breath.
His face is sunken, his skin ashen and there were bags, large enough underneath his eyes to rival Yang Seungho’s. His face is slightly unshaven, and she smells the tobacco in his breath, and reads the quiet desperation in his eyes. Her eyes close, feeling his breath caress her cheeks as he leans in closer and she had never been happier at that moment.
Because Jo-fucking-Kwon bursts in screeching bloody murder and Seulong and Yonghwa physically throws Nichkhun from her. Ga-In and Seohyun catch her as her legs give out and her hair hides her face as her head bows. She doesn’t look up and Jinwoon blocks her from Nichkhun’s view. Victoria wishes that she was still bad at Korean when she hears Seulong snarl angrily,
“What the fuck are you trying to do Khun? She’s hurt enough. She doesn’t need more shit from you,”
~*~*~
“Jong-ah,” a mug of hot chocolate is slid over to the vocalist and numbly, Jonghyun takes the mug into his hands, feeling the burning ceramic against his skin. In front of him, Leeteuk frowns sadly and Donghae hugs the younger male from behind. Jonghyun’s form shakes and he breaks into sobs. His hyungnims can’t do anything but watch. Watch as this once bright child fucking breaks in front of their eyes.
Jonghyun is hugged from all sides and he hears Siwon venture quietly, a question in Chinese to one of the other members. He can hear Henry’s scowl and Zhou Mi hisses, air exhaling from his lips. Donghae’s hug tightens on him as he responds back, his voice sharp and biting.
Jonghyun doesn’t know what was exchanged and Leeteuk just smiles sadly at him.
“You can stay in Kibum-ah’s room or Kangin’s room Jongh-ah. We’ll call Key and tell him where you are,”
He sleeps in the Super Junior dorms that night. He sleeps so deeply and for once, without dreams, that he doesn’t know that Choi Minho had been physically thrown from the Suju dorms by a livid Sungmin early the next morning. Leeteuk is frowning deeply at Minho as he picks himself up from the ground and Donghae scowls at him. Leeteuk holds Sungmin back and Zhou Mi has a hand gripping Henry’s shoulder so he doesn’t charge forward and Zhou Mi’s words are tight with anger.
“Don’t make him break anymore,”
~*~*~
“That’s fucking disgusting,” the voice is quiet, the words biting and a little bit angry and Minho looks up, eyes widening and the cigarette goes limp in his fingers. The night is surprisingly cold but he doesn’t feel it as he and Nichkhun stagger/stumble to their feet.
And suddenly, he’s backing up, the cigarette falling to the asphalt where a pair of black converse crushes it and a finger is poking angrily at his chest. Minho squawks because he’s startled and from beneath dark bangs, amber-brown eyes glower at him. He doesn’t need to see Nichkhun to know that he’s being pushed back by a person who was about half his size.
“The fuck is wrong with you?” Minho blinks furiously and as his legs hit a bench or something, he topples over onto the ground and he’s staring up at the other man. A scowl almost seems to be painted on and somewhere behind the other man, he can hear Nichkhun yelp as the person he’s facing starts to throw something at him. The other man hesitates then asks, “Why the fuck aren’t you happy?”
“Should I be?” Minho is suddenly terrified because those dark eyes flash and two hands, smaller than his own though callused from years of hard work are gripping the collar of his shirt. He’s tugged down and he catches wind of Nichkhun shouting something like, “Oh god! I’m fucking sorry please don’t throw that at me!” His attention is drawn again because Jonghyun’s breath is hot against his face and skin and Minho shivers.
“Why shouldn’t you be?! You’re with someone you love aren’t you?” Jonghyun snarls and Minho doesn’t know what the feeling pooling into his gut is as Jonghyun’s voice lowers. “And y-you’re not fucking breaking like I am,”
“But what if I am? What if I am breaking just like you? Because seeing you like this is painful to watch and it hurts to know that I caused it? Because I love you more than I thought I could?”
~*~*~
Victoria is panting above the downed Nichkhun. The proud Thai Prince is cowering on the ground and she’s got a thick, heavy looking book raised above her head. There are scattered little things around them; a paperweight that had been in her purse, a brush, her makeup bag, her cell phone (which was now damaged beyond repair as it lay in pieces at Nichkhun’s feet), and a number of little rocks that reminded Nichkhun a lot of the shattered little pieces inside his chest that he didn’t know he had suddenly had.
“Why aren’t you happy?” Victoria’s voice trembles and Nichkhun looks up from behind the shield of his arms to see her. The book is clutched to her chest and she looks uncertain, confused and bewildered. She’s shaking and Nichkhun scrambles to his feet. He steps forward and she steps back. He doesn’t move. “Shouldn’t you be happy with someone you love? Shouldn’t you be happy? And not doing this stupid disgusting thing?”
“Victoria-sshi,” his voice is quiet, soft and the little pieces in his chest all collide together when she seems to flinch at his voice. He crushes the cigarette he was smoking between his fingers and he ignores the burn as the smoldering end was put out. “Because I know how it feels to be breaking. And it starts to feel less painful when I start to think of the addiction to the cigarettes instead of how you cry over me. Because I feel like the world’s biggest fucking idiot when I know that someone as perfect as you cries over imperfection like me,”
“Wh-what?”
“Because I feel less stupid when I think of how much I love you and I still let you go,”
~*~*~
“How do I know you’re telling the truth?”
“You have nothing but my word and my shattered heart at your disposal,”
“What-what if I don’t want it?”
“Then I have nothing to say other than I’m sorry. I’m sorry for causing you that much pain, for making you suffer and for letting you go when I should have held you that much closer,”
“…”
“I should have held you that much closer but because I was stupid all I have left is the broken remains and I’ll be reminded of it for all eternity until I go because I don’t think I can forget this. I won’t be able to forget this love, this beautiful love that I let slip through my fingers and break because I couldn’t hold it,”
“That’s enough,” shoes scuffle on the asphalt and they’re in each other’s personal space. A hand rises, caressing a cheek. “I’ll take your broken heart. But in return,” a soft kiss, a gentle kiss that transcended the known universe. “You’ll have to take mine. And we’ll mend them together,”
Alright.
Author: Kurokitsune09
Rating: PG-13
Genre: General/Romance
Focus: Broken! to Mended!Jongho, Broken! to Mended!Khuntoria
Sub-Focus: SHINee, F(x), WGM Cast, Some Members of Suju
Notes: A follow up to Again and Again. This is a bit happier. I promise you. This was kind of stream of conscious writing so it might not make a lot of sense and because it was stream of conscious, I've got some really weird tense and transitions. Sorry about that. ^^U I hope it at least makes some sort of sense. ^^U
The moment he opens the door, he knows they have guests in the dorms because he can hear Luna’s infectious laughter bouncing off the walls followed by his hyung’s low chuckle. A smile tugged his lips as he gently slipped from his shoes into slippers and he slids into the living room, his lithe frame making little to no noise. He leans his weight against a side table housing a lamp and his eyes flicker over the heads crowded in their living room; his hyung one of them. He sees Krystal with her beautiful complexion and adoring smile, Sulli with her charming eye smile and a carrot half-dangling in between her teeth, Luna clapping and her face lit up from her giggles but most of all he sees Victoria and Jonghyun smiling. And they’re smiling like they have no care in the world, like there is no problem and it hurts him the most.
“Oppa!!” Krystal’s voice startles him for a moment from his thoughts and he jerks his head around to see the speaker. His lips curl into a smile and he waves, laughing softly when Sulli bounds up and drags him into their circle. Krystal beams and throws a flower that he hadn’t noticed her messing with at him. It lands in his hair, coloring the somewhat-dark locks with a splash of golden from the daffodil. Jonghyun laughs and Victoria giggles behind her hands while Luna chirps,
“It looks good on you Min-ah,” Taemin grins at his same aged idol and Sulli asks somewhat hesitantly, “Oppa, why are you home so early? I thought you weren’t supposed to be back for a few more hours,”
“I couldn’t stand the gushing,” is all he says and Luna frowns faintly. Jonghyun and Victoria exchange confused glances and Krystal suddenly starts muttering in English. Sulli slaps her arm when the English accented, “Minkhun my ass,” slips from her lips and Victoria loses her smile and Jonghyun loses the sparkle in his eyes. Krystal winces and murmurs a quiet apology while Taemin squeezes himself between Victoria and Jonghyun and hugs them both, offering silent comfort.
“We’re here hyung, noona,” and Taemin feels his heart break for them when Victoria turns her face into his neck and she sobs while Jonghyun leans back against the couch, his head tilting back to look at the ceiling, eyes bright. Luna moves to clutch his hand, squeezing lightly and no one says anything when tears start rolling down his cheeks. Taemin smiles bitterly and he strokes Victoria’s dark hair repeating, “We’re here noona, hyung. We’ll always be here,”
~*~*~
Not to say that it hadn’t been awkward in the first place, but for reasons unknown, We Got Married suddenly got even more awkward. The MCs bemoan the lack of progress on KhunToria’s end because they haven’t so much as fed each other in two weeks and there were no shy touching or accidental brushing of the hands. Seulong was this close to tearing his hair out and Jinwoon almost threw a microphone at Nichkhun. They didn’t want to see the awkward, “I’m trying to avoid you but I can't,” game from them, or rather, Victoria.
Of course, during a complaint session to Seohyun and Jokwon during a film break, Jinwoon learns and he actually does throw a mic at Nichkhun. He wasn’t guilty when he sees his scalp turn red when Ga-In pretends to be caring and check his head. She gets shoved aside as Minho shows up and Seohyun and Yonghwa lead Victoria out when she starts hyperventilating. Filming gets post-poned for the week and the present 2AM members feel nothing but pure hatred for Nichkhun when they see Victoria’s tearing eyes as she clamours into SHINee’s van after filming [Taemin and Onew were her moral support it seemed]. Taemin locks Minho out of the car claiming there wasn’t enough room and Minho ends up riding in the OneDay van.
During the ride back to the dorms, it’s quiet and then Jokwon says, “I think the two of you may have fucked up big time,”
Jinwoon snorts and Seulong’s hands tighten into fists and Minho and Nichkhun don’t say a word.
~*~*~
Minho and Nichkhun are troubled as they sit outside the OneDay dorms sometime late in the night. A smoldering cigarette is in between Nichkhun’s lips and a butt was being crushed under Minho’s shoe. There are no words exchanged and they just bask in this shared, toxic habit. It’s quiet then Minho’s deep voice cuts through the air bitterly.
“I fucking hate you, you know that?” Nichkhun snorts and he sneers, “The feeling’s fucking mutual,”
The 2PM member takes a drag, feeling the toxins enter his lungs and he slowly stops feeling that burning pain that occurred every time he remembers her smile. Minho lights another cigarette, the feel of the lighter heavy and familiar in his hands and he inhales the smoke. They don’t remember when this habit started.
Maybe it started when seeing Victoria and Jonghyun so broken hurt so much more than they ever thought it could. Maybe it started when they realized that loving each other was more painful than love should be. Maybe it was when…
~*~*~
Victoria is surprised and slightly terrified when Nichkhun slams her to the wall of her dressing room halfway into filming. She has half a mind to scream because the grip he has on her wrists is to the point of painful and fear was drowning other emotions. Then she gets a good look at his face and she smells his breath.
His face is sunken, his skin ashen and there were bags, large enough underneath his eyes to rival Yang Seungho’s. His face is slightly unshaven, and she smells the tobacco in his breath, and reads the quiet desperation in his eyes. Her eyes close, feeling his breath caress her cheeks as he leans in closer and she had never been happier at that moment.
Because Jo-fucking-Kwon bursts in screeching bloody murder and Seulong and Yonghwa physically throws Nichkhun from her. Ga-In and Seohyun catch her as her legs give out and her hair hides her face as her head bows. She doesn’t look up and Jinwoon blocks her from Nichkhun’s view. Victoria wishes that she was still bad at Korean when she hears Seulong snarl angrily,
“What the fuck are you trying to do Khun? She’s hurt enough. She doesn’t need more shit from you,”
~*~*~
“Jong-ah,” a mug of hot chocolate is slid over to the vocalist and numbly, Jonghyun takes the mug into his hands, feeling the burning ceramic against his skin. In front of him, Leeteuk frowns sadly and Donghae hugs the younger male from behind. Jonghyun’s form shakes and he breaks into sobs. His hyungnims can’t do anything but watch. Watch as this once bright child fucking breaks in front of their eyes.
Jonghyun is hugged from all sides and he hears Siwon venture quietly, a question in Chinese to one of the other members. He can hear Henry’s scowl and Zhou Mi hisses, air exhaling from his lips. Donghae’s hug tightens on him as he responds back, his voice sharp and biting.
Jonghyun doesn’t know what was exchanged and Leeteuk just smiles sadly at him.
“You can stay in Kibum-ah’s room or Kangin’s room Jongh-ah. We’ll call Key and tell him where you are,”
He sleeps in the Super Junior dorms that night. He sleeps so deeply and for once, without dreams, that he doesn’t know that Choi Minho had been physically thrown from the Suju dorms by a livid Sungmin early the next morning. Leeteuk is frowning deeply at Minho as he picks himself up from the ground and Donghae scowls at him. Leeteuk holds Sungmin back and Zhou Mi has a hand gripping Henry’s shoulder so he doesn’t charge forward and Zhou Mi’s words are tight with anger.
“Don’t make him break anymore,”
~*~*~
“That’s fucking disgusting,” the voice is quiet, the words biting and a little bit angry and Minho looks up, eyes widening and the cigarette goes limp in his fingers. The night is surprisingly cold but he doesn’t feel it as he and Nichkhun stagger/stumble to their feet.
And suddenly, he’s backing up, the cigarette falling to the asphalt where a pair of black converse crushes it and a finger is poking angrily at his chest. Minho squawks because he’s startled and from beneath dark bangs, amber-brown eyes glower at him. He doesn’t need to see Nichkhun to know that he’s being pushed back by a person who was about half his size.
“The fuck is wrong with you?” Minho blinks furiously and as his legs hit a bench or something, he topples over onto the ground and he’s staring up at the other man. A scowl almost seems to be painted on and somewhere behind the other man, he can hear Nichkhun yelp as the person he’s facing starts to throw something at him. The other man hesitates then asks, “Why the fuck aren’t you happy?”
“Should I be?” Minho is suddenly terrified because those dark eyes flash and two hands, smaller than his own though callused from years of hard work are gripping the collar of his shirt. He’s tugged down and he catches wind of Nichkhun shouting something like, “Oh god! I’m fucking sorry please don’t throw that at me!” His attention is drawn again because Jonghyun’s breath is hot against his face and skin and Minho shivers.
“Why shouldn’t you be?! You’re with someone you love aren’t you?” Jonghyun snarls and Minho doesn’t know what the feeling pooling into his gut is as Jonghyun’s voice lowers. “And y-you’re not fucking breaking like I am,”
“But what if I am? What if I am breaking just like you? Because seeing you like this is painful to watch and it hurts to know that I caused it? Because I love you more than I thought I could?”
~*~*~
Victoria is panting above the downed Nichkhun. The proud Thai Prince is cowering on the ground and she’s got a thick, heavy looking book raised above her head. There are scattered little things around them; a paperweight that had been in her purse, a brush, her makeup bag, her cell phone (which was now damaged beyond repair as it lay in pieces at Nichkhun’s feet), and a number of little rocks that reminded Nichkhun a lot of the shattered little pieces inside his chest that he didn’t know he had suddenly had.
“Why aren’t you happy?” Victoria’s voice trembles and Nichkhun looks up from behind the shield of his arms to see her. The book is clutched to her chest and she looks uncertain, confused and bewildered. She’s shaking and Nichkhun scrambles to his feet. He steps forward and she steps back. He doesn’t move. “Shouldn’t you be happy with someone you love? Shouldn’t you be happy? And not doing this stupid disgusting thing?”
“Victoria-sshi,” his voice is quiet, soft and the little pieces in his chest all collide together when she seems to flinch at his voice. He crushes the cigarette he was smoking between his fingers and he ignores the burn as the smoldering end was put out. “Because I know how it feels to be breaking. And it starts to feel less painful when I start to think of the addiction to the cigarettes instead of how you cry over me. Because I feel like the world’s biggest fucking idiot when I know that someone as perfect as you cries over imperfection like me,”
“Wh-what?”
“Because I feel less stupid when I think of how much I love you and I still let you go,”
~*~*~
“How do I know you’re telling the truth?”
“You have nothing but my word and my shattered heart at your disposal,”
“What-what if I don’t want it?”
“Then I have nothing to say other than I’m sorry. I’m sorry for causing you that much pain, for making you suffer and for letting you go when I should have held you that much closer,”
“…”
“I should have held you that much closer but because I was stupid all I have left is the broken remains and I’ll be reminded of it for all eternity until I go because I don’t think I can forget this. I won’t be able to forget this love, this beautiful love that I let slip through my fingers and break because I couldn’t hold it,”
“That’s enough,” shoes scuffle on the asphalt and they’re in each other’s personal space. A hand rises, caressing a cheek. “I’ll take your broken heart. But in return,” a soft kiss, a gentle kiss that transcended the known universe. “You’ll have to take mine. And we’ll mend them together,”
Alright.