Fic Post: Something Sweet

[kuro_nyoko]

Title: Something Sweet
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: PG
Words: Just under 1800
Year: Summer before 7th year.
Warning: A little bit fluffy, I suppose. My first fic, sort of. Go easy on me? :D
Summary: On a rainy summer day, the boys find that it is not so bad spending the day inside.
Disclaimer: I only wish I invented them. They aren't mine.

( Light and

Comments

[solidbaby]

Ooo, chocolate, I really need a good, big bar now. Possibly someone to share it with too ^^ This was lovely, I really liked the switching POVs and the idea of the four of them in the Potters' house together.

Just noticed one tiny spelling mistake, you said 'sliver' instead of 'silver', but that doesn't matter too much ^^

[kuro_nyoko]

Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked the POVs, I was a teeny bit worried about them.

And thank you for letting me know about the spelling error. It's all fixed now. :D

[solidbaby]

I tried to do the POV thing once, didn't quite work, so I suppose that it can be a little bit hit and miss sometimes. But don't worry, you pulled it off very convincingly ^^

[kuro_nyoko]

Thanks!

[frailtyoffaith]

Nice one! Don't be so unsure of yourself. For a "sort of first fic," this was particularly good. I really loved the insight into Sirius' thoughts.

Keep it up. :)

[kuro_nyoko]

Thank you! :)

[zooniverse]

This was lovely, if you hadn't said, i wouldn't have known it was your first fic, which is always a good sign. Remus, Sirius and melty chocolate, mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[kuro_nyoko]

Really? Thank you!
Haha, Remus, Sirius and melty chocolate is always a really awesome combo. No exceptions, it's just always brilliant.

[interrobanging]

Very nice! =)

He isn’t sure why Remus is letting him do all this; letting him annoy him so, but he doesn’t dare say anything that may make it stop.

This line is my favorite. It feels very real.

[kuro_nyoko]

Thank you! I'm glad it was realistic. :)

[brighty18]

This was very, very good!

I love the way that you switched POV's in the same scene and allowed us, as readers, to experience it from both boys.

And, in my opinion, at least, you stayed in character so well.

I especially enjoyed the way each boy described the other: "Sirius makes anything fun. He has a lust for life and a vibrancy that is quite infectious. Most people who see him see a young, naïve boy who hasn’t educated himself enough about the world to fear it. Remus sees a beautiful black sheep--or rather, dog in his case--who lives to enjoy the world rather than dwell on a fear of the evil that has infected the pure blood of his very family. Remus is unsure what would happen to him without Sirius near. He is sure it isn’t anything good, so he tries not to dwell on it long."
That was VERY well said!

And what a beautiful kiss!

My only criticism is that I am on a diet and now I want chocolate. Couldn't Remus have wanted, say, non-fat cottage cheese?

[kuro_nyoko]

Thank you!

And I'm quite partial to that excerpt I'm happy you pointed it out, and I'm even happier you liked it!

Remus, Sirius, and non-fat cottage cheese? Now that would be interesting.

[brighty18]

Remus, Sirius, and non-fat cottage cheese? Now that would be interesting.

Or disgusting - depending on how you want to look at it!

[kuro_nyoko]

Haha, it very easily could, but I'm trying to see the cottage cheese carton as half full.