Wilby fic: Calling It Quits, by kuonji (PG-13)
Title: Calling It Quits
Series: Points In Common
Author: kuonji
Fandom: Wilby Wonderful
Characters: Duck MacDonald, Buddy French, Dan Jarvis, Carol French
Pairings: Duck/Dan, Buddy/Carol
Category: humor
Rating: PG-13
Words: ~1080
Summary: In which Buddy cheats, Carol tries to kill Duck, and Dan approves.
Calling It Quits
by kuonji
Duck held up his hands, as if he were at gunpoint. "Buddy, are you crazy?"
"Yeah. Or I'm getting there, at least. I need this, Duck. Don't ruin it."
"Carol will kill you." He shook his head, realizing the magnitude of the situation. "Carol will kill us." The diminutive woman could probably kick his arse on a normal day. At five months pregnant, she practically spat real fire whenever she got mad -- which was too damn often, in Duck's opinion.
Buddy grinned that cocky, little-boy grin of his even as he rapidly ripped the cellophane away. "Who's going to tell her?"
That was the first time.
***
Duck followed Buddy into the trees, out of sight of the road.
Buddy took off his shirt first, hanging it haphazardly over a low branch. He was digging contraband out of the pockets of his running shorts before his breath had evened out. He handed over Duck's share with a conspiratorial wink.
At Buddy's first quiet moan, Duck rolled his eyes and tried not to feel jealous. The first time, he had actually blushed, the pure need in Buddy's voice was so tangible. Now, he still got a bit of a guilty tingle at sight of the line of Buddy's stretched throat and the twin fans of his dark lashes, closed in momentary bliss.
He was newly married after all, not blind.
***
"Good morning, husband."
Duck barely had time to register the words before Dan yanked him in by the shirtfront and kissed him silly. He laughed. "I'm all sweaty," he protested. "And why aren't you at work yet?"
"Had something to do," Dan whispered throatily, causing Duck's heart rate to climb back to pre-cooldown levels.
Suddenly, though, Dan pulled back, a puzzled frown hovering over his face. Duck tensed when Dan sniffed a few times, then pressed his nose to Duck's shirt. He stared at Duck, looking confused. "Were you...?"
Shit. He hadn't thought about the smell. He'd have to warn Buddy about that. He tried to spin an excuse in his head for why his shirt had more than simply sweat and dust on it, but each one seemed more ludicrous than the last.
The sound of Buddy's car starting distracted them, causing them both to glance toward the road. Dan stared as Buddy waved to them before pulling away. Duck could see him putting it together. Indeed, Dan jerked a disbelieving look at him as soon as Buddy was out of sight.
"You did not let him do what I think you did," he hissed.
***
"Buddy, hurry up," he urged, looking nervously at his watch. He'd been done for over a minute. Buddy liked to stretch it out -- which was a bad idea.
"A few more minutes. Tomorrow's Sunday. I'm not going to last."
He heard a noise, not from the road but from the other direction. "What was that?"
"Huh?" Buddy spun around. "Oh, shit."
Carol, looking fierce even in a voluminous dress and a pink sunhat, glared between the two of them. "I knew it."
***
"Buddy, are you putting on weight?" Carol sounded puzzled, not accusatory, but it wasn't the sort of thing one usually said in public. Duck shared a wincing grin with Dan.
"No, I'm not putting on weight," Buddy answered indignantly. He sucked in his gut anyway and crossed his arms over his chest.
As Duck looked his friend over more critically, however, he realized that he did seem slightly less trim than he had a month ago. The belt of his slacks maybe constricted his waist a bit more than it should.
"Come to think of it, Duck's not so fit anymore either," Carol said next, suspicion beginning to enter her voice.
Duck automatically tightened his abs as well, even though he immediately felt foolish for it. He could feel Dan's gaze on his midsection.
"You two haven't been skipping your runs, have you?"
"No, of course not," Buddy answered irritably. He was cool enough that he never turned to look in Duck's direction, but Duck had to remind himself forcefully not to fidget in discomfort.
"I'm sure they haven't," Dan said unexpectedly. "It's just old age creeping up on all of us." When Duck gave Dan a grateful look, however, his husband returned it with a meaningful glare.
***
Striding forward, she snatched the objects from Buddy's hands, throwing one on the ground and stamping on it and crumpling the other in her fist. "Do you want our son to be born stunted?" she accused.
"Carol." Buddy made a half-hearted grab at his belongings before apparently thinking better of it. He'd probably lose a finger. "It's not as if it matters. You can't even smell the smoke by the time I get home, right?"
"Microscopic carcinogens are being absorbed into my bloodstream as we speak. You're killing our baby, Buddy!"
Duck tried to edge away. Carol was obviously working into full hysterics mode.
"You!" She turned her glare on Duck, freezing him in place. "You're a bad influence. You're going to quit, too."
"Wait a minute! I didn't--"
"If you want to set foot within a hundred meters of my family again, you're going to go cold turkey. Starting now."
"Carol," Buddy interrupted, using his reasoning voice. "Come on, even if he's going to quit" -- he ignored Duck's furious glare -- "that's not fair. You let me cut down slowly, didn't you?"
She gave her husband a disdainful look. "And we see where that got us. No. If I could do it, you two can." She brandished the ruins of the pack of Marlboro Lights at them. "I'll be watching you."
***
"I'm going to die," Duck moaned. He curled on his side and buried his face in his pillow. The comforting scent of clean cotton was soothing but not enough to banish the pounding headache throbbing in his skull. "She's trying to kill me."
Dan -- his devoted husband, the love of his life, his loyal soul mate -- merely hmmed in a mild tone. He didn't even put down his book, although he did reach a hand out to stroke Duck's head. That helped. A bit. "I told you it wouldn't end well," he reminded Duck. "It's a bad habit anyway. You should have quit a long time ago."
Duck growled wordlessly. Then he whimpered as Dan's stroking turned into a head massage.
"It's supposed to get better after the first week."
Duck groaned.
END.
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