DS fic: Duets, by kuonji (PG-13)
Title: Duets
Author: kuonji
Fandom: Due South
Characters: Ray Kowalski, various
Pairings: brief RayK/Stella, RayK/Fraser
Category: character study
Rating: PG-13
Words: ~1070
Summary: He was Ray. He was Ray. He was Ray.
Duets
by kuonji
Take a look through history, and what do you see? Duets.
Stanley and Stella. Ray and Stella. Mr. and Mrs. Kowalski. Officer and Mrs. Kowalski. Every one of them had been humming, like a one-two punch, like a well-oiled engine, like a house on fire.
It wasn't until Detective and ASA Kowalski hit the picture that things started going sour. They were smoking, at first. They spoke almost the same language. They were both driven. He set 'em up, she knocked 'em down. They battled the same foes in the daytime, and at night they danced in the living room, they made love in the bedroom, they showed each other their teeth and they lived.
But somehow, things started to... shift. He changed. She changed. Who the hell knew? Suddenly, they're battling each other and dancing a circle around each other instead of with. They're showing their teeth in the wrong way.
And then it was over. And he was just Ray. Except, he didn't know how to live like that anymore. Didn't know how to be just Ray anymore, and didn't want to. He tried to be Ray and Stella again. He tried, even, to be Stanley and Stella again. But they were all wrong. Nothing fit the way it used to.
So he was Detective Kowalski and Detective Peterson for a while. Then Detective Kowalski and Detective Boyle. --and Detective Rafferty. --and Detective Lo. --and Detective Wyatt. Pretty soon, it was obvious to everyone what was wrong with the non-duet. The common rotten thread.
One day, his boss pulled him aside and gave him an offer, and he barely even had to look at it before he said, "Yes, yes, thank you, God, please, yes."
And he became Vecchio and The Mountie.
He knew from the files alone that Vecchio and The Mountie were good. Every single person he talked to said they were even better than that. He knew that being this, doing this, could save him -- or destroy him. So he read until his eyes went numb. He practiced until his body went numb. He rehearsed until his brain went numb.
By the time The Mountie showed up, he was a pile of nerves and attitude and very little else. But then--
Bam.
They became Vecchio and Fraser without him even paying attention.
His chest was hurting like a bitch all through dinner, but that was okay, because that meant he was feeling something. Detective Vecchio and Constable Fraser was a go, and he was living again.
A one-two punch, a well-oiled engine, a house on fire (ha!). That's what they were. Chicago seemed to explode around them in the weirdest shit he'd ever seen, and, yeah, there was a rough spot or two, but the two of them came through it all strong and solid. They were a duet.
And then the duet turned into a trio.
It was Fraser and Vecchio and Vecchio, and the world just tilted on its axis and gave up in disgust. It wasn't like he hadn't expected this. The end had come with the job. But he'd always thought it'd come with a phone call and a few days of truly annoying paperwork to let him get used to it. He didn't expect to drive a car, walk in a hotel, open a door, and find himself face-to-face with -- himself.
It was Fraser and Vecchio and Kowalski, and everybody knew who was the third wheel there. Duets don't come in threes.
But Fraser and the universe at large had other ideas, so for a strange, strange, horrible time, it was suddenly Fraser and Kowalski chasing the bad guys, serving justice, kicking heads, and he had no idea what was up anymore except that he was still living, still part of a working duet. And for another strange, strange, wonderful time, they were Fraser and Ray and the big empty wilderness. And then--
"I'm sorry," he heard Fraser say, after he gasped and jerked away and felt a chin and a soft cheek give way beneath his forearm. "I made a terrible assumption. You have shown me nothing but the kindness of a friend, and I dishonored that. I took dreadful advantage. Please, I would never--"
"No," he answered, horrified at the bruise blossoming across Fraser's face, at the tremulous, babbling terror there. "It wasn't. I mean, your assumption. It wasn't wrong. But I can't--"
He couldn't explain, was what he meant, but he watched Fraser crumple all over again. "I understand."
"No, you don't," he insisted. "I'm not-- me. I can't-- Not yet. Not until." He felt the shakes start, and he whirled around to pace before they could become evident. Names rattled in his head. Identities, discarded and crushed and expired, none of them strong enough. None of them worthy. He turned to speak to Fraser's feet. "Wait for me?"
He got on a plane and he returned home.
He was Detective Kowalski and Detective Tanager for a long while. Then he was Detective Kowalski and Detective Besbriss for an even longer while.
They worked. They were a one-two punch. She set 'em up, he knocked 'em down. But at the end of the day, they said "Good work" to each other, and they went home. They were partners. They were golden. But they weren't a duet.
Then one day, he pressed the start button and stared at his empty laundry basket. He looked around at the empty basement. He listened to the grinding of machinery. He sifted through the various clashing odors that permeated the still air. And he realized something, finally. He realized that it had finally happened. He was finally Ray.
He was Ray. He was Ray. He was Ray.
So he made a long-distance phone call, packed his things, settled up his affairs, and he got on a plane to Canada. And he felt naked as he knocked on that door, but he knew that he was feeling and alive, and he knew that no matter the answer, he was still Ray. He was still Ray, alone or part of a duet. He was still -- him.
And he said, "Do you-- Have you changed your mind?" And he didn't get how it was at all possible. But Fraser hadn't.
So now he's become Ray and Benton.
He's still Kowalski. And Stanley. And a little Vecchio.
Underneath it all, he's just Ray.
And he's happy.
END.
If you enjoyed this story, you might try these:
Cursed (Due South), by kuonji
First Times (Stargate Atlantis), by kuonji
Telephone (Due South), by The Hoyden
Broadway Hotel, by Resonant