SGA Fic: I Don't Have A Clue, by kuonji (PG-13)
Title: I Don't Have A Clue
Author: kuonji
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Characters: John Sheppard, Rodney McKay
Pairings: mention of Jack/Daniel
Category: humor, John-Rodney pre-friendship
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: minor for "Rising"
Words: ~760
Summary: John's tired of playing Sheppard the Wonder Guinea Pig for all the scientists on the Antarctic base. (sequel to I Don't Know Him and I Don't Care)
I Don't Have A Clue
by kuonji
"So, uh, I guess I'll be going now."
The words acted like turning on a giant human electromagnet, drawing every scientist within a twenty yard radius to him. The cacophony of protests was overrun by one strident voice of authority, slightly nasal. "You are not leaving, Major. We still have tests to do. Who knows how long we've got before you're ordered off to drop bombs on some village in Somalia."
John blinked slowly, taking in the man who was, at least in his own head, some big honcho around here. With elaborate effort, he scrabbled together his last stores of politeness. "Dr. McKay, I've jumped through hoops for two hours. Don't you think that's enough for now?"
"The General ordered you to cooperate, you know."
What General O'Neill had actually said, before following Dr. Jackson out of the lab, was: "Major, stay put." Technically, that was indeed an order to remain in the lab. It was hardly an order to 'cooperate', though.
"Look," he started, attempting to be reasonable. The last thing he needed was to lose this post. He had no doubt that the next step down the ladder after End Of The Earth was Dishonorable Discharge.
"Take this," the scientist interrupted, shoving a globe of metal into John's hands.
The device shot a beam of light out the top, which expanded into a map of the universe much like the one he had seen in the Chair, only with more colors. They whirled and zoomed in and out depending on what area he was concentrating on.
"Um." That was... pretty cool, actually.
But freaky as hell.
John set the device down quickly. There was a chorus of disappointed moans. "You know what? This has been fun, but I've had enough." He turned to beat a hasty retreat. He would let General O'Neill know that he was heading back topside. Even a poorly heated surface bunker was better than playing Sheppard the Wonder Guinea Pig for one more minute.
A meaty hand fell heavily on his shoulder. "Where are you going? I barely got any readings off of that before you shut it down!" McKay sounded full of disbelief, as if he couldn't comprehend the existence of someone who wouldn't listen to him.
John shook his arm free, fed up with this base, this man, his job, everything. "You don't give me orders, McKay."
Not at all offended, McKay merely smiled smugly. "This is a civilian operation, and I am the Chief of Science here. So in fact, I do give the orders."
"Oh yeah? Then why is it that Dr. Jackson's in charge of the base and not you?" John returned, tired of McKay's snide self-importance.
McKay shrugged. "Oh, because the General's boning him."
That was unexpected, to put it lightly. "Excuse me?"
"Or the other way around. Height assumptions. Sorry."
John stared at McKay until he looked up from doodling with his datapad.
"Huh?" His brow cleared. "Oh, right. I shouldn't have said that." He rolled his eyes ceilingward. "I guess they'll have to kick me out of the program now. Except, wait! I'm essential." He snapped his fingers and pointed with his stylus at something vaguely reminiscent of a tube of toothpaste covered in chrome. "Touch this."
"Wait, wait, you can't just go around saying things like that."
"Okay, how about... please handle the device now, Major, with a cherry on top?"
"That's not what I meant!" Not that McKay didn't have the tact of a tank. "How can you-- What do you-- What the hell?"
McKay's mouth opened and closed a few times. Then he visibly rearranged his features into one that he probably thought looked understanding. He actually managed to look faintly predatory. "Let's take a break. Fifteen minutes, a cup of coffee... You'll get rid of all that crankiness. I know just the place."
Without further consultation, McKay latched back onto John's arm. Thoroughly nonplussed, John let himself be towed out and down the hall to a separate alcove with the promised coffee-maker and a small selection of snacks.
In spite of himself, John found himself amused by the insane doctor. He even smiled as McKay shoved a powerbar into his hands. ("This is the second best flavor. All the best ones were confiscated by Jackson and his stoolies.")
John figured it wouldn't hurt to hang out with McKay for a while longer. After all, Antarctica was a beautiful but pretty boring place, and who knew how long before he would see McKay again?
END.
If you enjoyed this story, you might try these:
Virgins Out Of This World (Stargate Atlantis), by kuonji
Four Times Jack and Daniel... (Stargate SG-1), by kuonji
Answer All The Questions (Stargate Atlantis), by Alli Snow
Author: kuonji
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Characters: John Sheppard, Rodney McKay
Pairings: mention of Jack/Daniel
Category: humor, John-Rodney pre-friendship
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: minor for "Rising"
Words: ~760
Summary: John's tired of playing Sheppard the Wonder Guinea Pig for all the scientists on the Antarctic base. (sequel to I Don't Know Him and I Don't Care)
I Don't Have A Clue
by kuonji
"So, uh, I guess I'll be going now."
The words acted like turning on a giant human electromagnet, drawing every scientist within a twenty yard radius to him. The cacophony of protests was overrun by one strident voice of authority, slightly nasal. "You are not leaving, Major. We still have tests to do. Who knows how long we've got before you're ordered off to drop bombs on some village in Somalia."
John blinked slowly, taking in the man who was, at least in his own head, some big honcho around here. With elaborate effort, he scrabbled together his last stores of politeness. "Dr. McKay, I've jumped through hoops for two hours. Don't you think that's enough for now?"
"The General ordered you to cooperate, you know."
What General O'Neill had actually said, before following Dr. Jackson out of the lab, was: "Major, stay put." Technically, that was indeed an order to remain in the lab. It was hardly an order to 'cooperate', though.
"Look," he started, attempting to be reasonable. The last thing he needed was to lose this post. He had no doubt that the next step down the ladder after End Of The Earth was Dishonorable Discharge.
"Take this," the scientist interrupted, shoving a globe of metal into John's hands.
The device shot a beam of light out the top, which expanded into a map of the universe much like the one he had seen in the Chair, only with more colors. They whirled and zoomed in and out depending on what area he was concentrating on.
"Um." That was... pretty cool, actually.
But freaky as hell.
John set the device down quickly. There was a chorus of disappointed moans. "You know what? This has been fun, but I've had enough." He turned to beat a hasty retreat. He would let General O'Neill know that he was heading back topside. Even a poorly heated surface bunker was better than playing Sheppard the Wonder Guinea Pig for one more minute.
A meaty hand fell heavily on his shoulder. "Where are you going? I barely got any readings off of that before you shut it down!" McKay sounded full of disbelief, as if he couldn't comprehend the existence of someone who wouldn't listen to him.
John shook his arm free, fed up with this base, this man, his job, everything. "You don't give me orders, McKay."
Not at all offended, McKay merely smiled smugly. "This is a civilian operation, and I am the Chief of Science here. So in fact, I do give the orders."
"Oh yeah? Then why is it that Dr. Jackson's in charge of the base and not you?" John returned, tired of McKay's snide self-importance.
McKay shrugged. "Oh, because the General's boning him."
That was unexpected, to put it lightly. "Excuse me?"
"Or the other way around. Height assumptions. Sorry."
John stared at McKay until he looked up from doodling with his datapad.
"Huh?" His brow cleared. "Oh, right. I shouldn't have said that." He rolled his eyes ceilingward. "I guess they'll have to kick me out of the program now. Except, wait! I'm essential." He snapped his fingers and pointed with his stylus at something vaguely reminiscent of a tube of toothpaste covered in chrome. "Touch this."
"Wait, wait, you can't just go around saying things like that."
"Okay, how about... please handle the device now, Major, with a cherry on top?"
"That's not what I meant!" Not that McKay didn't have the tact of a tank. "How can you-- What do you-- What the hell?"
McKay's mouth opened and closed a few times. Then he visibly rearranged his features into one that he probably thought looked understanding. He actually managed to look faintly predatory. "Let's take a break. Fifteen minutes, a cup of coffee... You'll get rid of all that crankiness. I know just the place."
Without further consultation, McKay latched back onto John's arm. Thoroughly nonplussed, John let himself be towed out and down the hall to a separate alcove with the promised coffee-maker and a small selection of snacks.
In spite of himself, John found himself amused by the insane doctor. He even smiled as McKay shoved a powerbar into his hands. ("This is the second best flavor. All the best ones were confiscated by Jackson and his stoolies.")
John figured it wouldn't hurt to hang out with McKay for a while longer. After all, Antarctica was a beautiful but pretty boring place, and who knew how long before he would see McKay again?
END.
If you enjoyed this story, you might try these:
Virgins Out Of This World (Stargate Atlantis), by kuonji
Four Times Jack and Daniel... (Stargate SG-1), by kuonji
Answer All The Questions (Stargate Atlantis), by Alli Snow