Wow. It felt like a sharp stab in a dark room with my head erupting thoughts all over the midnight blue walls. O_O ((Does that make any sense?))
I liked it. I felt every moment of it. Like I was being minced, blended and doused in coffee--all the while conscious that you were there to help me, if I wanted.
But I think you made a typo in the first stanza? Unless you really meant, "a woman/ you though/ thoughtless"? ^_^ And your title kinda gives everything away, no? I mean, I feel that it would be a creative title for a prose piece. However, in this case, it has more syllables than even your longest line. ^^ Maybe you can shorten it to "The House Where Bruises Come"? It kind of allows more space for the persona of the poem. Like, instead of a friend, it could be a lover or an angel or God or the spirit of someone...etc.
But, otherwise, the body of the piece is absolutely stunning. *_* I can't wait to search for your other poems. LOL
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Good job
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I liked it. I felt every moment of it. Like I was being minced, blended and doused in coffee--all the while conscious that you were there to help me, if I wanted.
But I think you made a typo in the first stanza? Unless you really meant, "a woman/ you though/ thoughtless"? ^_^ And your title kinda gives everything away, no? I mean, I feel that it would be a creative title for a prose piece. However, in this case, it has more syllables than even your longest line. ^^ Maybe you can shorten it to "The House Where Bruises Come"? It kind of allows more space for the persona of the poem. Like, instead of a friend, it could be a lover or an angel or God or the spirit of someone...etc.
But, otherwise, the body of the piece is absolutely stunning. *_* I can't wait to search for your other poems. LOL
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