Beauty
When I was probably 7 or 8 I remember standing in the kitchen with my mother talking about beauty and attractiveness. Somehow we started talking about her and I said, "But mom, I don't think you're pretty." Ouch. (Sorry mom!) What I couldn't articulate at 7 is my mother doesn't fall into the overarching definition of beauty in the U.S. Beauty in the U.S. seems to mean: wide eyes, a small nose, pouty lips, big breasts, but otherwise a fairly boyish figure. It helps if you're blonde but it's not a requirement. You don't even have to be white either (ex: Halle Berry). At 7 I was already brainwashed. My mother has brown hair, brown eyes and a Jewish nose, therefore she couldn't be pretty. (Oy. What are we doing to ourselves and our children?!?)
As I got older I touted, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," but didn't believe it as far as I was concerned. It applied to everyone else but me. I didn't fall into the narrow standard of beauty, therefore I wasn't beautiful. Maybe if I was lucky some boy would think I was pretty because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but otherwise, forget it. Beauty for me has been a matter of comparison and ranking. If I compared myself to so-and-so, then yes, I was pretty because I was prettier than but never pretty in my own right. Beauty always had to be in relation to someone else.
Today I realized that's a belief I don't want to hold onto anymore. Today I realized I'd rather think I was beautiful because I am. Because I am a divine expression of life. Because I am love incarnate. Not because I have x, y, z characteristics. I'd rather live in a world where we all think of ourselves as beautiful. Where one person's beauty doesn't diminish anyone else's. Where we don't compare ourselves or rank ourselves or prop up our egos based on someone else. Either Louise Hay or Marianne Williamson says, "A tulip doesn't lament it's not a rose. It revels in being a tulip." And that's what I want. I want to recognize I am beautiful because I was created out of love. My beauty doesn't have anything to do with anyone else. And thinking I'm beautiful doesn't make me arrogant or vain or self-centered. It means I'm finally seeing myself for who I really am. A divine expression of life. Already beautiful. And not because, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," and hopefully someone will look upon me and think that but because I already am. No matter what's going on with my physical body I am always beautiful. And so is everyone else. We are all flowers in the garden, none more prized than the other.
I also want to say since writing about safety and femininity I know it's safe for me to be attractive. Being beautiful doesn't mean I am now open for attack or harm. Doesn't mean men have a license to harass me. Because that was the other piece for me too. I believed the unattractive girls didn't get unwanted attention. They didn't get hurt. No one bothered them. If I thought I was ugly people wouldn't pay a lot of attention to me or treat me like an object. They would see me as a person and respect me. They would know I was more than just my looks. I see now thinking I was anything less than beautiful was another defense mechanism for me. A way to keep people at bay and make sure I was treated the way I wanted to be treated. I also know thinking I'm anything less than beautiful does me a disservice. It keeps me from reaching my true potential and shining like the bright star I am. People treat me the way I let them. That's the real truth. People disrespect me if I let them. My looks has nothing to do with it. I can be beautiful and still be safe. One doesn't preclude the other. I suppose that's also what this post is about. Seeing myself for who I am really am, and that means recognizing my beauty. Recognizing I can let my true self shine through in all ways.