Second Best, Chapter 4
Jordan's hand tangled in Adam's hair, nearly slipping out of the rain-soaked strands as he drew Adam's head back and kissed him fiercely, pressing his body back against the bus behind him. The tight pressure on his scalp, the trapped feeling of his body between the smooth steel of the bus and Jordan's solid, warm frame were a little frightening, a little too out of control for Adam's usual tastes.
But right now, in this moment... they felt exactly right.
Adam's hands trembled with need as he greedily drew the other man closer to him, willingly yielding to the possessive, nearly frantic kiss. One hand slid up to cup the back of Jordan's head, urging him silently to deepen the kiss -- and Jordan did not hesitate to comply.
This was it, this was what he needed to feel whole again… to forget...
"Whoa, there you are!"
Matt's startled, half-laughing voice drew Adam abruptly out of the moment, and he pulled his mouth reluctantly back from Jordan's, casting a withering glare in Matt's direction, irritated by the interruption. Matt was already retreating, however, backpedaling around the side of the bus with his hands raised in apology, courteous enough to give them some semblance of privacy.
"They're looking for you, man," he called around the corner in explanation. "There's a car ready to take you to your hotel for the night whenever you're ready."
The sound of footsteps on concrete followed -- but only for a few moments before they stopped and Matt spoke again, his tone good-naturedly teasing.
"And dude... way to wait 'til the last possible minute!"
Adm cringed, his head falling back against the bus, his eyes closed as he muttered, “Have we really been that obvious?”
There was quiet laughter in Jordan’s voice as he replied, “I know I have.”
Adam laughed softly, meeting Jordan’s eyes as Matt continued away from them. Then, Adam's smile slowly faded as the reality of which he had been reminded by Matt's words began to sink in. The serious expression that gradually overtook the desire in Jordan’s eyes told Adam that they were both thinking the same thing.
The tour was over.
Adam was spending the night in a hotel in the city, but the next morning he'd be boarding a plane to return to LA. And Jordan -- well, Adam didn't even know where Jordan lived, how far away he'd be, if he'd be able to see him again. Adam had not been lying when he'd assured Jordan that he did not intend for this to be a one night only affair; but he wasn’t sure how they’d be able to make sure that it wasn’t.
And he wasn’t sure what exactly he did want this to be.
"I guess..." he ventured softly at last, eyes downcast as his hand slid down from Jordan's hair to rest on his shoulder. "... I guess we do need to talk."
Jordan rode with Adam in the car to his hotel room, but neither ventured to say much during the ten minute drive. The driver was silent as well, though she kept casting curious glances in the rearview mirror, and Adam caught the hint of a knowing smirk on her lips every now and then. There was no doubt she knew why Adam was taking the good-looking security guard back to his hotel room.
Points for her, Adam wryly thought as he stared out the window into the inky darkness. Since I don't even know yet.
As if Jordan was somehow reading his thoughts, Adam suddenly felt the soft, reassuring warmth of a large hand covering his, wrapping gently around it with no pressure, no possessive claim -- just silent understanding. He glanced down at the place where their hands connected before looking up to meet Jordan's eyes, venturing an uncertain smile that he hoped was reassuring.
Knowing Jordan, and how smart and perceptive he had proven to be, it probably wasn't.
Once they were in the privacy of Adam's hotel room, Adam grabbed a set of pajamas and a towel and backed apologetically toward the bathroom, babbling out a weak explanation about needing to take a shower because of the mess the rain had made of his makeup.
It wasn't completely a lie -- but it wasn't the whole truth, either.
Adam needed a few minutes to himself, a few minutes to think -- and figure out what he was going to do next.
The shower could only stall Jordan so long, and by the time he was clean and dry and changed into a thoroughly unsexy set of comfortable cotton pajamas, Adam was still no closer to knowing what he should tell the kind, supportive, caring man sitting patiently waiting for him on his bed - waiting to hear what Adam thought should be the next step in this not-quite-relationship of theirs.
Adam ran a hand awkwardly through his towel-damp hair, smiling self-consciously as he made his way slowly toward the bed. He sat down beside Jordan, about a foot between them. His eyes were downcast, focused on the floor at his feet as he absently massaged the back of his neck, biting his lower lip and searching for a way to break the silence.
"You, uh... really aren't my type," he confessed after a few moments, then cringed, as those unplanned words certainly weren't designed to make things any less awkward. "I mean... I don't usually... well... I just don't usually go for guys who are... Hell, I don't have any idea what I'm doing right now, Jordan."
Sometimes not having a filter royally sucked.
Jordan was quiet for a moment, calmly processing those words, before reaching a cautious, gentle hand to touch Adam's cheek, turning his face toward him, silently insisting on meeting his eyes. There was a warmth and understanding in his dark gaze, as he ventured a tentative, encouraging smile.
“You said you do like me,” Jordan reminded Adam softly. “Were you lying?”
“No,” Adam answered without hesitation, holding Jordan’s gaze. It was the truth. “Of course I do. How could I not?” He looked away, shaking his head in helpless confusion as he went on simply speaking his thoughts. “You’re… smart, and sweet, and just… just get me, and… and you make me feel…”
... make me feel special again. Make me feel like someone worth knowing... worth loving... when I've spent the last two months feeling like... like somebody's cast off garbage.
But I don't know... I'm not sure if that's enough.
Adam didn't venture to speak those thoughts aloud, swallowing hard and turning his face away as Jordan's hand dropped to the bed between them again.
"I like you, Jordan," Adam repeated quietly, his voice trembling slightly with emotions he couldn't quite identify. "I do. I just... I'm just not sure if..."
If I can love you. If I can love you... like him.
"... not sure if I'm... ready..."
"No," Jordan interrupted with quiet certainty, a subtle note of authority to his voice. "I think you said what you meant the first time. Only, it's not really the first time you've said it, is it?"
Adam met his eyes again, frowning and shaking his head slightly to indicate his confusion.
"I'm not the type of guy you usually go for, am I, Adam?" Jordan pointed out, his gaze piercing, far too perceptive for Adam's comfort. "Meaning... I'm not younger than you, smaller than you... easily controlled by you."
Adam felt an uneasy chill pass over him with those words, a slightly sick feeling beginning in his stomach. He didn't like the way Jordan's explanation made him sound - and he didn’t like the fact that Jordan wasn’t entirely wrong.
"I'm not like that," he insisted, shaking his head emphatically.
Jordan was silent for a moment, holding his gaze, though his expression softened with sympathy. "Come on, Adam," he objected gently. "You're a little like that."
Adam couldn't quite bring himself to argue -- not when a very uncomfortable part of him was almost certain that Jordan was right.
"So just say what you mean..."
Jordan continued, reaching out to take Adam's hand, the gesture clearly intended just to focus his attention on Jordan once more. Adam reluctantly met his eyes as Jordan edged in closer to him, his thumb tracing gentle, soothing circles on the back of Adam's hand, the sensation almost hypnotic... like Jordan's hushed, quietly certain tone of voice.
"I'm not your type. You're not sure about pursuing this, because even though you like me... even though I... make you feel... things... you aren't sure this is going to work... because you're not used to being with a guy like me."
Adam found his focus wavering with Jordan's increased nearness, his gaze drifting from Jordan's eyes to his lips, finding their motion somehow almost mesmerizing.
"I'm not your type." Jordan's voice was barely over a whisper as he stated Adam's words again softly. His lips twitched in a hint of a sad, ironic smile as he added pointedly but not without compassion, "So... how's your type working out for you these days, Adam?"
Adam jerked his hand away from Jordan, abruptly angered by the words that were a little too pointed… a little too accurate. His eyes narrowed in quiet fury as he rose to his feet, snarling over his shoulder as he headed for the door -- momentarily forgetting that they were in his hotel room, and there really wasn't anywhere to go.
"Fuck you."
He'd barely made it two steps before Jordan caught his forearm and jerked him back, the unexpected motion pulling Adam backward off his feet so that he sat down hard on the bed again. He opened his mouth to protest, indignant -- but it was difficult to form the words of objection with Jordan's tongue in his mouth.
Jordan held onto his arm, holding him in place despite his admittedly half-hearted struggles, as he kissed Adam deeply. His other hand cupped the back of Adam's head, refusing to let him pull away as he slowly, intently explored Adam's mouth, reminding him of how badly he'd wanted Jordan just a few minutes earlier.
Almost against his will Adam found himself surrendering to the kiss and his own desires for that much and more of Jordan. Somewhere in the midst of that kiss, his hands stopped trying to push Jordan away and started pulling him closer. His tongue stopped trying to form the words of refusal and instead ventured to meet Jordan's in a silent admission of his own need.
Jordan let out a soft, approving moan against his lips, nodding slightly as his large hands grasped Adam's arms and turned him slightly, maneuvering him around so that Jordan could push him gently down onto his back on the bed. Unreasonably alarmed, Adam immediately resisted again, his hands grasping Jordan's forearms and holding him up off of him. He pulled his mouth away with a gasp, wide eyes searching Jordan's gaze as he drew in a sharp, shaky breath.
Jordan braced himself on one arm, raising his palm to slide gently down Adam's cheek, shaking his head with a reassuring smile.
"Adam, shhh," he murmured. "It's okay. It's okay. This was what you wanted... right? You're the one who kissed me back at the buses... remember?"
Adam felt breathless, out of control, but was nevertheless soothed by Jordan's soft words and touch. He bit his lip, nodding uncertainly, his every muscle taut, his heart racing in his chest.
Jordan was quiet for a moment, simply observing him before murmuring with a sort of wondering bemusement. "Why are you so afraid to let someone else take control for a change, Adam?"
He continued gently stroking Adam's face with one hand, while his other slipped down Adam's side, slowly edging his shirt up and sliding over the soft skin beneath it. Adam closed his eyes, letting out a soft gasp of renewed arousal at the subtly intimate touch -- the first he'd experienced in months.
"You can trust me, Adam," Jordan whispered in his ear before softly, almost reverently kissing his jaw, his mouth edging its way slowly, patiently downward. "I'm not using you. I'm not going to hurt you or walk out on you." His words were punctuated with a series of slow, tender, barely there kisses as he continued. "I care about you... I'm going to be here for you... no matter what. Please, just trust me... Let me show you... how good this can be..."
Despite his misgivings, Adam found himself surrendering, his arms rising to help as Jordan pulled his t-shirt up and off over his head... his hands falling to rest encouragingly on Jordan's shoulder and in his hair as Jordan's very talented mouth worked its way teasingly, torturously down Adam's chest and stomach.
When Jordan's hands slipped under the waistband of his pajamas and edged them down over his hips, Adam tensed, unaccustomed to making himself so vulnerable to someone he could not easily break with his own bare hands if the need arose.
Not that he was expecting it to arise - not really.
Jordan was gentle and patient and tender, making him feel cherished and wanted in a way that no one else had for a long time. Jordan's hands were strong and firm but also loving and soft, soothing Adam without words as they ran over his body. Jordan's weight across his legs was not unsettling or restricting, but comforting and reassuring.
And besides, by this point... other things were starting to... arise.
That night, Adam allowed himself to surrender to the culmination of Jordan's advances over the past two months -- and he was glad that he did. He drifted off to sleep in the larger man's arms, feeling safe and secure and wanted -- like he belonged to someone who cared for him -- someone to whom he was not the second best option, but their first choice.
In the morning, he and Jordan finally had the talk they'd been meaning to have, hurriedly, while Adam packed his things. Then, they stopped by Jordan's unused hotel room, where his things still were, to collect them. Once at the airport, they cancelled Jordan's ticket home to Florida and purchased a second ticket on Adam's flight to LA in Jordan's name.
Jordan went to LA with Adam as his newly hired bodyguard… and boyfriend.
TBC...