Crossing the Line/O.T.T. Part 4/?
Title: Crossing the Line/O.T.T. (Part 4/?)
Author: cunningdeb
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: adam/kris
Summary: Set between the Idol finale and the start of the summer tour. Adam gets too much attention from a few of his “adoring” fans
Disclaimer: I do not own the people involved. This story does not depict the majority of Adam’s fans - idea brought on by stalker incident in Tampa.
Warnings: language, angst, violence, anxiety issues. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE TRIGGERS. I don’t know if it’s classified as non-con but Adam didn’t want the kind of attention he was given - recalled in conversation, remembrances.
NEW WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER - The subject of suicide comes up BUT DO NOT PANIC, IT IS A MISUNDERSTANDING BETWEEN THE BOYS, IT DOES NOT HAPPEN. I felt I needed to reveal this plot point now.
Part One - http://cunningdeb.livejournal.com/2135.html#cutid1
Part Two - http://cunningdeb.livejournal.com/2471.html#cutid1
Part Three - http://cunningdeb.livejournal.com/2575.html#cutid1
PART FOUR
Kris rapped lightly on the door. “Adam, are you coming to breakfast?”
“Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute.”
“I’ll wait.”
“Sure, just a sec.”
Kris leaned against the wall. Adam sounded better. Maybe yesterday was a fluke, an error in judgment like Adam had said. Rehearsals started today and Kris was itching to start preparing for the tour. So was Adam. This was all Adam had talked about during their press tour in New York. He couldn’t wait to get out from under the censors and put on the kind of performance that would show the world what Adam Lambert could really do, that he was proud of who he was and made no apologies for it.
“Hurry up Lambert, everyone’s waiting.”
The door opened and Adam emerged, smiling and looking spectacular, as usual. Kris thought he might be a little warm in a long sleeved sweater, jacket and scarf but Adam was the fashion guy - what did Kris know.
The group had already started at the buffet when Kris and Adam arrived. They joined the line and Adam loaded up his plate. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast yesterday. Things would be okay. He was back with Kris, his friends - his bodyguard. Before he fell asleep last night, he told that voice in his head to shut up, that it was only a freak incident and everything would be fine. He’d just have to be more careful next time.
“So Adam, where were you yesterday…and who was the lucky SOB?” Matt asked, stuffing his mouth full of pancakes.
They knew him soooo well.
Adam repeated the cover story he told management last night. “Well,” he bit into a strawberry, sucking the juices before taking it into his mouth and chewing. Megan and Allison blushed. Adam knew how to distract. “I ran into an old friend from out of state and as he was only in town for the day, we decided to…hook up.”
“Right, and he was probably the one…hooked up, eh?” Matt continued.
Everyone laughed, except Kris. He smiled, chewing on a bagel, but he didn’t believe Adam for a second. The aura around Adam last night wasn’t a sexual afterglow; it was something darker.
“What can I say…,” Adam began.
“… ‘I like the top’,” his friends finished.
Their manager charged into the room, texting on his phone. “Times awastin’ kids. Stuff your mouths and let’s go.”
“Adam’s done,” Matt offered. “He stuffed his mouth last night.”
Their manager didn’t appreciate the humor, giving Adam a hard look.
Adam pushed his half empty plate aside, keeping his tone light. “Let’s go make some magic.”
--*--
Kris and Adam shared a ride with Allison, Megan and Lil. Adam talked nonstop about everything and nothing, controlling the conversation so no one could ask for more details about his tryst yesterday. Kris watched his friend closely. Adam did love to talk but he usually enjoyed the give and take of a good conversation; in Kris’ opinion, Adam was spewing verbal diarrhea, making noise just for the sake of making noise. He thought Adam was better this morning. Maybe he was wrong.
There were several studios at the rehearsal hall and they were free to sit in on each other’s sets. Kris had finished his practice and quietly entered Adam’s studio, just as he was blasting out “Whole Lotta Love” from his seat beside the piano. Kris could see Adam twitching in his seat, his legs aching to strut. This was only the first rehearsal, just a run through of the songs - practicing the actual performances would come later in the week. The glory note echoed off the walls, followed by applause. Flawless.
Adam was handed the lyrics to “Mad World”. He perused them while the pianist did a run through of the melody. He could sing this song in his sleep but there was something more to it now. He was trapped in a mad world, a crazy world where…
“Are you ready?” He looked up and nodded.
Adam sat statue still on the stool, weaving his way through the haunting song. The air conditioning was on low yet Adam was cold, colder than he had ever been. He set down the lyric sheet and drew his jacket and scarf tighter around himself as he sang. The words left his mouth while his mind was back in that alley, in the store, in Jerry’s shower. Kris watched all of this, seeing Adam get lost behind his blue eyes. The last note hung high in the air and melted, raining down. Adam’s tone was so beautiful and so full of sadness it brought everyone to tears.
Multiple hands patted Adam on the back. Hands touched his shoulders, his back, his neck. Adam flinched, pain radiating through his mind and body. He pulled away. His companions looked surprised; Adam half laughed, telling them they were officially under his spell. He scanned the studio for an exit. Setting down his music and excusing himself, he tried not to run until he was out of sight.
Naturally, his bodyguard followed, stopping when he saw Adam go into the men’s room. Adam looked under the stalls, making sure he was alone and then he locked the door.
Gingerly, he lifted the scarf off his neck. The scarf was bloody. Damn. Somehow he needed to get fresh bandages - there weren’t any in his room and he didn’t dare ask. Adam remembered seeing a small first aid kit in the studio, near the fire extinguisher. His messenger bag would be big enough to hide it. Adam splashed cold water on his face and bracing himself, went back, bodyguard hot on his heels.
After rehearsals, they returned to the hotel, heading for the restaurant. Adam declined, saying he wasn’t feeling well. His bodyguard was sent with him back to his room - probably to make sure he didn’t disappear again. They were the only guests on their floor and had there own private security. Adam felt secure but not safe.
--*--
Lock. Swish. Click. Click. Click. Push. Push. Push. Drag. Drag. Stack. Climb. Huddle.
--*--
Kris rapped lightly on the door. “Adam, are you coming to breakfast?”
No answer.
“Adam?”
“You go ahead.”
“I can wait.”
“No, go ahead, I’ll, I’ll be there soon.”
“If you’re sure.”
No response, just some shuffling noise.
Kris headed slowly to the elevator, stopping a couple of time to look back at Adam’s room. Adam sounded, sounded, he wasn’t sure. Tired? Maybe a little. Distracted? Maybe that was it. Maybe he was thinking about his songs, working out musical runs in his head. Kris hoped that was it.
Everyone had visited the buffet and was eating by the time Adam arrived. Again, the long sleeves and scarf. He smiled, headed to the buffet and grabbed a muffin. Sitting beside Kris, he picked at it, eating only half by the time they had to leave.
On the ride over, Adam talked only when spoken to directly. Kris watched him staring out the window. Adam’s reflection flickered; it looked like he was about to break down but it was hard to tell. He’d flash that brilliant smile of his when Kris talked to him but it seemed painted on.
At rehearsals, Adam was distracted, pulling at his fingers. Kris noticed Adam wasn’t wearing his rings, or his favorite cuff bracelet. His black nail polish was nearly picked off too, something they all knew Adam did when he was nervous. He kept forgetting the lyrics to “Whole Lotta Love”, even with the words in front of him. When he wasn’t singing, he kept to himself, withdrawn.
Adam usually loved meeting and talking to people. A crew member’s family came to visit. She had two teenagers. They ran up to Adam, reaching out to him with paper and pen in hand for an autograph. Kris watched as Adam froze, his face turning white under his make up. They waved the paper in front of his face; he couldn’t move; he just stood there staring. Kris noticed Adam’s lips trembling and stepped in. The teens were just as excited to meet Kris and after he had signed autographs and had pictures taken with them, they turned back for Adam. He was gone. Even his bodyguard had lost track of him - again. They called the front desk. Adam hadn’t left and there was no other way out of the building without setting off an alarm. Adam had to be there someway. As lunch started, Kris went looking.
Twenty minutes later he found Adam…on the roof. No alarm on that door apparently. Adam’s back was to Kris and he was standing at the edge, overlooking LA. Kris panicked. He didn’t think Adam was this bad! Kris slowly approached him, hoping not to spook him into doing something drastic. He spoke calmly.
“Adam, please come away from the edge.”
Adam turned, his face puzzled. “What?”
“I know things may seem bad now but, but taking your own life…”
Adam walked towards Kris, shaking his head in disbelief. “Do you seriously think I was going to…shit Kris, I have my problems but I’m not that fucked up!”
Pushing by him, Adam headed back downstairs. He threw open the stairwell door and ran, and ran, and ran down the deserted hallways. He found an empty office. Dropping into a chair, he cradled his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking. He didn’t remember how he got up there, just that when those kids ran up to him, demanding things of him, his brain disconnected and his ‘fight or flight’ response kicked in. The minute Kris had distracted them, he picked ‘flight’.
All he could think was ‘need to escape, need to escape’ and the roof was where he ended up. He was loosing his mind, he was sure of it. It wasn’t until Kris spoke to him that he realized where he was. What was happening to him? Everything he loved to do was now infected with a virus of suspicion and fear. He wouldn’t have jumped, really, but the idea of not having to think about it anymore was inviting. He knew Kris would understand, would help him, if Adam could bring himself to tell Kris what happened. Somehow, he had to find the strength.
Author: cunningdeb
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: adam/kris
Summary: Set between the Idol finale and the start of the summer tour. Adam gets too much attention from a few of his “adoring” fans
Disclaimer: I do not own the people involved. This story does not depict the majority of Adam’s fans - idea brought on by stalker incident in Tampa.
Warnings: language, angst, violence, anxiety issues. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE TRIGGERS. I don’t know if it’s classified as non-con but Adam didn’t want the kind of attention he was given - recalled in conversation, remembrances.
NEW WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER - The subject of suicide comes up BUT DO NOT PANIC, IT IS A MISUNDERSTANDING BETWEEN THE BOYS, IT DOES NOT HAPPEN. I felt I needed to reveal this plot point now.
Part One - http://cunningdeb.livejournal.com/2135.html#cutid1
Part Two - http://cunningdeb.livejournal.com/2471.html#cutid1
Part Three - http://cunningdeb.livejournal.com/2575.html#cutid1
PART FOUR
Kris rapped lightly on the door. “Adam, are you coming to breakfast?”
“Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute.”
“I’ll wait.”
“Sure, just a sec.”
Kris leaned against the wall. Adam sounded better. Maybe yesterday was a fluke, an error in judgment like Adam had said. Rehearsals started today and Kris was itching to start preparing for the tour. So was Adam. This was all Adam had talked about during their press tour in New York. He couldn’t wait to get out from under the censors and put on the kind of performance that would show the world what Adam Lambert could really do, that he was proud of who he was and made no apologies for it.
“Hurry up Lambert, everyone’s waiting.”
The door opened and Adam emerged, smiling and looking spectacular, as usual. Kris thought he might be a little warm in a long sleeved sweater, jacket and scarf but Adam was the fashion guy - what did Kris know.
The group had already started at the buffet when Kris and Adam arrived. They joined the line and Adam loaded up his plate. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast yesterday. Things would be okay. He was back with Kris, his friends - his bodyguard. Before he fell asleep last night, he told that voice in his head to shut up, that it was only a freak incident and everything would be fine. He’d just have to be more careful next time.
“So Adam, where were you yesterday…and who was the lucky SOB?” Matt asked, stuffing his mouth full of pancakes.
They knew him soooo well.
Adam repeated the cover story he told management last night. “Well,” he bit into a strawberry, sucking the juices before taking it into his mouth and chewing. Megan and Allison blushed. Adam knew how to distract. “I ran into an old friend from out of state and as he was only in town for the day, we decided to…hook up.”
“Right, and he was probably the one…hooked up, eh?” Matt continued.
Everyone laughed, except Kris. He smiled, chewing on a bagel, but he didn’t believe Adam for a second. The aura around Adam last night wasn’t a sexual afterglow; it was something darker.
“What can I say…,” Adam began.
“… ‘I like the top’,” his friends finished.
Their manager charged into the room, texting on his phone. “Times awastin’ kids. Stuff your mouths and let’s go.”
“Adam’s done,” Matt offered. “He stuffed his mouth last night.”
Their manager didn’t appreciate the humor, giving Adam a hard look.
Adam pushed his half empty plate aside, keeping his tone light. “Let’s go make some magic.”
--*--
Kris and Adam shared a ride with Allison, Megan and Lil. Adam talked nonstop about everything and nothing, controlling the conversation so no one could ask for more details about his tryst yesterday. Kris watched his friend closely. Adam did love to talk but he usually enjoyed the give and take of a good conversation; in Kris’ opinion, Adam was spewing verbal diarrhea, making noise just for the sake of making noise. He thought Adam was better this morning. Maybe he was wrong.
There were several studios at the rehearsal hall and they were free to sit in on each other’s sets. Kris had finished his practice and quietly entered Adam’s studio, just as he was blasting out “Whole Lotta Love” from his seat beside the piano. Kris could see Adam twitching in his seat, his legs aching to strut. This was only the first rehearsal, just a run through of the songs - practicing the actual performances would come later in the week. The glory note echoed off the walls, followed by applause. Flawless.
Adam was handed the lyrics to “Mad World”. He perused them while the pianist did a run through of the melody. He could sing this song in his sleep but there was something more to it now. He was trapped in a mad world, a crazy world where…
“Are you ready?” He looked up and nodded.
Adam sat statue still on the stool, weaving his way through the haunting song. The air conditioning was on low yet Adam was cold, colder than he had ever been. He set down the lyric sheet and drew his jacket and scarf tighter around himself as he sang. The words left his mouth while his mind was back in that alley, in the store, in Jerry’s shower. Kris watched all of this, seeing Adam get lost behind his blue eyes. The last note hung high in the air and melted, raining down. Adam’s tone was so beautiful and so full of sadness it brought everyone to tears.
Multiple hands patted Adam on the back. Hands touched his shoulders, his back, his neck. Adam flinched, pain radiating through his mind and body. He pulled away. His companions looked surprised; Adam half laughed, telling them they were officially under his spell. He scanned the studio for an exit. Setting down his music and excusing himself, he tried not to run until he was out of sight.
Naturally, his bodyguard followed, stopping when he saw Adam go into the men’s room. Adam looked under the stalls, making sure he was alone and then he locked the door.
Gingerly, he lifted the scarf off his neck. The scarf was bloody. Damn. Somehow he needed to get fresh bandages - there weren’t any in his room and he didn’t dare ask. Adam remembered seeing a small first aid kit in the studio, near the fire extinguisher. His messenger bag would be big enough to hide it. Adam splashed cold water on his face and bracing himself, went back, bodyguard hot on his heels.
After rehearsals, they returned to the hotel, heading for the restaurant. Adam declined, saying he wasn’t feeling well. His bodyguard was sent with him back to his room - probably to make sure he didn’t disappear again. They were the only guests on their floor and had there own private security. Adam felt secure but not safe.
--*--
Lock. Swish. Click. Click. Click. Push. Push. Push. Drag. Drag. Stack. Climb. Huddle.
--*--
Kris rapped lightly on the door. “Adam, are you coming to breakfast?”
No answer.
“Adam?”
“You go ahead.”
“I can wait.”
“No, go ahead, I’ll, I’ll be there soon.”
“If you’re sure.”
No response, just some shuffling noise.
Kris headed slowly to the elevator, stopping a couple of time to look back at Adam’s room. Adam sounded, sounded, he wasn’t sure. Tired? Maybe a little. Distracted? Maybe that was it. Maybe he was thinking about his songs, working out musical runs in his head. Kris hoped that was it.
Everyone had visited the buffet and was eating by the time Adam arrived. Again, the long sleeves and scarf. He smiled, headed to the buffet and grabbed a muffin. Sitting beside Kris, he picked at it, eating only half by the time they had to leave.
On the ride over, Adam talked only when spoken to directly. Kris watched him staring out the window. Adam’s reflection flickered; it looked like he was about to break down but it was hard to tell. He’d flash that brilliant smile of his when Kris talked to him but it seemed painted on.
At rehearsals, Adam was distracted, pulling at his fingers. Kris noticed Adam wasn’t wearing his rings, or his favorite cuff bracelet. His black nail polish was nearly picked off too, something they all knew Adam did when he was nervous. He kept forgetting the lyrics to “Whole Lotta Love”, even with the words in front of him. When he wasn’t singing, he kept to himself, withdrawn.
Adam usually loved meeting and talking to people. A crew member’s family came to visit. She had two teenagers. They ran up to Adam, reaching out to him with paper and pen in hand for an autograph. Kris watched as Adam froze, his face turning white under his make up. They waved the paper in front of his face; he couldn’t move; he just stood there staring. Kris noticed Adam’s lips trembling and stepped in. The teens were just as excited to meet Kris and after he had signed autographs and had pictures taken with them, they turned back for Adam. He was gone. Even his bodyguard had lost track of him - again. They called the front desk. Adam hadn’t left and there was no other way out of the building without setting off an alarm. Adam had to be there someway. As lunch started, Kris went looking.
Twenty minutes later he found Adam…on the roof. No alarm on that door apparently. Adam’s back was to Kris and he was standing at the edge, overlooking LA. Kris panicked. He didn’t think Adam was this bad! Kris slowly approached him, hoping not to spook him into doing something drastic. He spoke calmly.
“Adam, please come away from the edge.”
Adam turned, his face puzzled. “What?”
“I know things may seem bad now but, but taking your own life…”
Adam walked towards Kris, shaking his head in disbelief. “Do you seriously think I was going to…shit Kris, I have my problems but I’m not that fucked up!”
Pushing by him, Adam headed back downstairs. He threw open the stairwell door and ran, and ran, and ran down the deserted hallways. He found an empty office. Dropping into a chair, he cradled his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking. He didn’t remember how he got up there, just that when those kids ran up to him, demanding things of him, his brain disconnected and his ‘fight or flight’ response kicked in. The minute Kris had distracted them, he picked ‘flight’.
All he could think was ‘need to escape, need to escape’ and the roof was where he ended up. He was loosing his mind, he was sure of it. It wasn’t until Kris spoke to him that he realized where he was. What was happening to him? Everything he loved to do was now infected with a virus of suspicion and fear. He wouldn’t have jumped, really, but the idea of not having to think about it anymore was inviting. He knew Kris would understand, would help him, if Adam could bring himself to tell Kris what happened. Somehow, he had to find the strength.