Tainted -- Chapter 14
The night before the first concert of the rescheduled Idol tour, Kris met with the other Idols at a nice restaurant for a casual reunion dinner in the city where the first show was to be held. Larissa was with him, but planned to go back home to Arkansas after the concert the following night.
Kris felt guilty for feeling relieved by that fact.
He had tried to forgive her for her carelessness towards Adam's feelings and well-being immediately following his ordeal; but despite his efforts, there was a lingering tension between them. He couldn't quite get past his resentment toward her for what she had done, and Larissa was trying too hard to regain his full trust and affection.
Contradictive of her efforts, it just made him want to pull further away from her.
As the car that had been sent for them parked outside the restaurant, Kris felt the nervous fluttering in his stomach intensify with the knowledge that in just a few minutes, he'd be seeing Adam again, for the first time since he'd left the hospital. He was eager to see his friend, to see for himself that he was all right and recovering -- and yet at the same time, due to the uncomfortable way things had been left between them, there was a certain amount of apprehension as well.
Kris was almost relieved when he and Larissa walked into the section of the restaurant that had been reserved for their group, to find that Adam had not yet arrived. The other Idols were all there, and clearly very happy to see Kris. He smiled and laughed with them, giving and receiving hugs, and finding his fears fading somewhat with the easy comfort of being with his friends again.
When Adam finally arrived, a momentary hush seemed to fall over the group, as all eyes turned toward him. He entered flanked by security, dressed in a sharp, black and silver ensemble that made him look very much like the Adam they'd all known before the horrific events of the past few weeks. He was smiling and cheerful, making light of the sudden quiet awkwardness that had fallen over the group.
"Geez, you guys are boring. Are you waiting on me to bring the party, or what?"
"You always do, don't you?"
Allison was the first to reply, rushing across the room and jumping up to give him a huge hug. She kissed his cheek before pulling back to return his smile -- and they both very deliberately ignored the shimmer of tears in her eyes.
"I missed you," she informed him in a hushed, almost confidential tone.
"Yeah, I missed you, too, baby girl," he replied, a slight tremor in his voice.
The others resumed their conversations, the tensions broken, as Allison took Adam's hand and tugged him toward the seat she had saved for him at the table. Along the way he accepted the greetings and hugs and well wishes of the others, while Kris just tried to discreetly keep his distance without the others noticing that he was doing so.
Unfortunately, Allison noticed.
"Kris," she called out, patting the seat on her other side. "Come sit here!"
Kris gave her an awkward smile, deliberately avoiding Adam's gaze -- which worked out well, since Adam was studiously avoiding his, as well. He shook his head, gesturing toward the two seats he'd just selected for himself and Larissa, across the table and several seats down from where Allison and Adam were sitting.
"We're fine here," Kris informed her with a casually dismissive wave of his hand. "It's okay."
"No, I saved you guys seats over here!" Allison insisted. "Come on, we haven't seen you in weeks! Get over here!"
"It's okay, sweetie, let's just sit over there," Larissa murmured, giving his hand a supportive squeeze.
Kris felt a rush of irritation at her seeming cluelessness. She knew perfectly well how things had been left between him and Adam, and should have been aware of why he wanted to keep his distance. Maybe she thought she was helping, but Kris didn't really appreciate her efforts.
Still, between Larissa and Allison, he couldn't refuse much more without drawing a lot of attention to the fact that he was refusing. Finally, Kris reluctantly surrendered and allowed himself and Larissa to be led toward the seats Allison had saved for them. He and Adam nodded an awkward greeting without actually speaking to each other, and were spared any further awkward interaction by the arrival of the waitress to take their drink orders.
There was enough conversation around the table amongst the other Idols and staff members to keep the attention off of the discomfort between Adam and Kris - mostly. Allison clearly noticed it, and kept pushing the two of them to interact, trying to bring up topics that would cause them to talk, but both of them resisted her efforts, refusing to say more than a couple of mumbled words to each other.
Gradually, Allison’s irritation with the situation became more and more obvious - and somehow, Kris wound up bearing the brunt of her frustration. After about the dozenth time when he’d deliberately thwarted her attempted conversation, she turned and faced him fully, dark eyes blazing into his as she demanded in a furious hiss.
“Why are you being such an asshole, Kris Allen?”
“I’m not,” Kris whispered back. “Allie, you don’t understand…”
Most of the people around the table missed the terse exchange, but on either side of Kris and Allison, Adam and Larissa could both clearly hear it. Larissa gave the girl an outraged look, immediately defensive of her boyfriend. Adam just looked very uncomfortable, reaching out to touch Allison's arm and try to pull her back a little.
"Allison, it's okay, really..."
"No, it's not!" Allison snapped, glaring at Kris as she spoke. "He's being a jerk!"
"No, he isn't," Adam insisted quietly. "It's not his fault, Allie, just... please, stop."
The earnest, pleading note in his voice drew Allison's attention, overcoming the defensive anger she felt toward Kris, and she reluctantly sat back in her seat, muttering under her breath.
"Just don't understand why he thinks he can just..."
"Allie." Adam's voice was barely over a whisper. "Please."
She fell silent, visibly confused and upset and ready to tear into Kris again, if Adam would have let her. Her concern for her friend's comfort was greater than her anger, though, so she turned her attention toward Adam and making sure that he enjoyed the rest of the meal -- shutting Kris and Larissa out completely.
For Kris, the mood of the gathering had darkened, and he couldn't seem to get back into the idea of celebrating with the others.
He felt like exactly what Allison thought he was.
It didn't matter that Adam was the one insisting on their separation, or that he was really trying his hardest to be a good friend and do what Adam wanted. He knew that his friend had to need a lot of support right now, after all he'd been through...
Especially if Larissa's right about what happened to him...
... and the simple truth was that Kris was not being that for him.
To make matters worse, Kris had been unable to miss the sorrow and resignation in Adam's voice when he'd quietly called Allison off.
It's not his fault...
Adam’s words echoed in his mind, with troubling implications, bringing up questions without answers that circled in Kris’s mind.
Does that mean he thinks it is his fault? If he feels bad about it... if it's not what he wants... then why is he insisting that I stay away from him? What reason could he possibly have for doing this, if he really wants me to be there for him?
And if this is how it's going to be... how are we possibly going to get through the next two months?
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As the door to his hotel room shut behind him, Adam sank down on the edge of his bed, gratefully resting his weary head in his trembling hands and drawing in a deep, shaking breath. He let it out slowly, looking up into the mirror to see a drawn look of exhausted misery on his own face, now that he'd allowed the mask to slip away.
There was no need for it here, in the quiet solitude of his own room.
He was so grateful and relieved that this hellish night was finally over.
One down... only fifty or so more to go...
Feeling drained and broken, Adam lay back on his bed, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes and trying to force back the tears of despair that rose there. It had been nothing less than sheer agony tonight - seeing Kris, seeing for himself how bad his rejection was hurting him, and yet unable to do anything about it, unable to make Kris understand the reasons why it had to be this way.
He desperately longed to tell someone the truth about what had happened -- to share the heavy burden of his secret with someone else and allow them to take some of the load from his bruised and battered shoulders; but Larissa was too dangerous. He couldn't take the chance that she might hurt someone else, if he dared to tell them the secret.
But... if I don't tell... who's to say she won't do something to hurt Kris, anyway? He didn't seem happy with her tonight. Something's off with them, and if he breaks up with her... who knows what she'll do? Who she'll blame?
It was all just too much.
I wish there was someone I could tell, someone who could help... I wish Kris could know the truth and help me get us both away from her...
I wish it could all just be over.
Adam's heart lurched in his chest at the unexpected sound of a keycard sliding in the lock outside his door, a moment before the door to his room opened. His mind raced ahead of his eyes, locked onto the doorway, waiting to see who would appear there.
No one has a key to my room but me. There’s an armed guard outside the door. Who could possibly…?
His thoughts broke off abruptly as the person who had opened the door slipped inside and closed it behind them, and his questions were answered with the realization of his worst fears.
Larissa.
Adam scrambled to his feet, his mouth open but unable to make a sound as Larissa very deliberately locked the door and then slowly moved toward him, a smug smile on her lips. Her hard eyes glittered with amusement at his obviously fearful reaction.
“Stay away from me,” Adam ordered, his voice defiant but trembling. “I’ll call security…”
“You mean the security that’s supposed to be watching your room right now?” Larissa smirked, her pace not faltering as she continued to close the distance between them. “Yeah, they’re very useful. The guy on duty right now got a little case of the munchies, though. I offered to wait in the hallway with my cell phone - just in case - while he went down the hall to the restroom and the snack machine.”
Adam stumbled backward away from her as she neared him, his heart racing, his breath quickening with rising panic. “H-how did you… how’d you get a key to my…”
Larissa shrugged. “Stopped by the front desk. My name’s on the list. Just told them you’d lost your key and asked me to get you another. Easy.”
“I’m doing everything you said,” Adam insisted, tripping as the backs of his legs hit the edge of the chair near the foot of his bed and accidentally sitting down. “What else do you want from me?”
He started to move away from the chair, but Larissa had reached him by then and caught his arm, pushing him back down into the seat. “Relax, sweetie,” she sneered. “Have a seat and keep your mouth shut - and I’ll tell you how this is going to work.”
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Kris excused himself early from their dinner, claiming that he didn’t feel well and wanted to make sure he was well rested for the show the next day. Larissa had offered to go with him back to the hotel room, but he assured her that she should stay and enjoy the party. He was just going to sleep anyway.
And besides… leaving would do him no good if she came along with him.
He just needed some time to himself.
He lay there in the unfamiliar bed, tossing uneasily and trying to sleep, but sleep proved elusive amidst the swirling tumult of his thoughts. He glanced at the clock on the nightstand, wondering absently why Larissa hadn’t returned to their room yet. Familiar voices in the hall a few minutes earlier had let him know when the other Idols had arrived at the hotel; but Larissa was still absent.
Maybe she’s hanging out in one of the girls’ rooms. That would be a good thing.
He considered for a moment before rising from the bed, pulling back on the shirt and jeans he’d cast aside when he lay down. He wasn’t really sure where he was headed when he left his room and made his way down the hallway. His pace slowed and he finally stopped outside Adam’s room, a worried frown of indecision on his face. He raised one hand, knuckles curled slightly as if to knock - but then lost his nerve, lowering his hand with a heavy sigh.
He thought back to the awkward circumstances at dinner, and abruptly turned on his heel and headed back the other direction down the hall - toward Allison’s room. As a minor, Allison was accompanied on the tour by her mother, but they had adjoining rooms rather than sharing a single room, so that each of them could have their privacy. Kris bit his lower lip, feeling self-conscious and uncertain and hoping that he would find her alone as he knocked on her door.
She opened it with a smile that swiftly faded when she saw him there. Before his eyes, the protective fire of anger began to smolder in her gaze, and her jaw set with stubborn defiance.
“What?” she demanded impatiently.
“I… know you pretty much think I suck right now,” Kris admitted softly, a sheepish half-smile on his lips that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “But… Allie, can I talk to you?”
She stood there for a moment, visibly struggling with her impulse to soften to him as she had done so many times in the past when faced with a similar look to the one currently on his face. Finally, she rolled her eyes and threw the door open wider, stepping backward to allow him entrance.
“This had better be good, Kris Allen."
TBC...