(no subject)
Title: Scared (Chapter 3)
Author: make_him_smile
Pairing: Kradam
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is most likely not true. I make no profit.
Summary: After his worst breakdown yet, Kris realizes how foolish he's been. Adam has never hurt him, but he has hurt Adam, and now it's up to him to make it better.
Notes: Still based on secretkeeper846's idea. :)
Warnings: Mentions of abuse
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Kris had a nightmare that night. One minute, he and Adam were on the beach talking and laughing with the sun shining brightly overhead and people all around them. The next minute, they were still on the beach, but Kris was on the ground while Adam stood above him, spitting insults and kicking him repeatedly. Rain was pouring down, soaking Kris, but Adam somehow stayed perfectly dry. No one stopped to help poor Kris because everyone had vanished. "Adam...please...stop." Kris whimpered after the twenty-somethingth kick. Surprisingly, Adam did stop kicking him, but furiously stood him on his feet and began shaking him.
"Why should I? You're just a worthless piece of shit!"
Kris started crying, earning a big smack across the face, courtesy of Adam and his rings. Still, he couldn't stop, so the other cheeck got a smack too. "Adam...stop! I'm sorry!"
"You're always sorry, Kris, but that doesn't change the fact that you're a fat, ugly, idiot. You don't deserve to be happy. You deserve every kick, smack, hit, and punch that comes your way. Now shut up or that ugly face of yours will become uglier."
Kris whimpered and Adam lost it. Everything went black for a moment, and then Kris saw himself laying in the sand bruised and bloody, and Adam was walking away with another (cuter, skinnier, and smarter) man.
Kris gasped and shot upright in bed. His breathing was fast; His heart was pounding. He felt sick because he knew he had been right; Adam was just like Alec.
*Wait...no...it was just a dream.* Kris tried to reassure himself. *Just a nightmare but it wasn't real.*
Just to be sure, he got out of bed and went into the bathroom. His skin was unmarked. "You're losing it, Kris." He whispered to himself before going back and laying in bed. He stared across the room at Adam, wondering why he slept in his own bed that night. Eventually, he came to the conclusion that it was because Adam didn't love him anymore, so Kris cried silently until his eyes burned and itched and he simply could not cry anymore.
"Hey, Kris. Do you wanna go to the beach?" Adam asked once he was finally awake and showered. The idols had the day off, and Kris had planned to stay in the bedroom and have some chill time or something like that. He most certaintly had not planned to go the beach. He didn't know how to let Adam down, so he babbled (un)intelligently, "Oh...um...uh...I...."
"It's a yes or no, Krissy. No big deal."
Everything in him screamed no, but he opened his mouth and said "sure" because, dammit, he had looked into Adam's beautiful blue eyes and they were impossible to say no to. At least Kris got to see Adam's smile, which he realized had been gone almost as long as his own. A pang of guilt shot through him, but it was taken away by fear when Adam swept him off his feet and carried him bridle-style outside, not putting him down until they were outside of the gates. Even then, Adam kept ahold of his hand.
The minute they got to the beach, Adam went to get them both icecream. Kris sighed and sat by the shore, staring at the ocean's waves; So dark, so violent, so cold...
He shuddered and directed his eyes to the sand. The worst the sand could do was sting when it got thrown in his eyes. That thought relaxed him unitl he recalled an image from his nightmare; The nice, soft sand caked with Kris's blood, brought by Adam's hands. Kris's heart started racing again, and it didn't help when Adam wrapped his arms around Kris's shouler and said "Boo" into his ear, holding his icecream cone in front of his face.
"Oh...thanks..." Kris said, tensing up.
"Uh-huh."
The men began licking their icecreams, but Adam didn't remove his arm from around Kris's shoulders. Kris's heart was beating so fast now that he thought he was having a heart attack, so he gently shook Adam's arm off. But no matter how gently he had rejected Adam, he had still rejected him, and he stared at Kris, hurt in his eyes. Kris's guilt came back and that mixed with the fear and the hot sun made him feel sick again. "I'm sorry, Adam. I just...I have to go."
"Why?"
"I...I don't feel that good. I'm sorry. I love you."
He stood and started hurrying back to the mansion, but Adam was quicker (those damn long legs). He grabbed Kris's arm and spun him around. He did it as gently as he could, but the act of dominance sent Kris over the edge. "DON'T! DON'T TOUCH ME, ADAM!" He screamed, yanking out of his grasp. Adam didn't listen. He dropped the icecream cone he was still holding and wrapped his hands around Kris's wrists. He started to say something, but Kris interrupted with a scream, a "GET OFF ME" and a yank that was so hard he sent himself tumbling to the ground.
"Kris...?" Adam whispered, tears in his eyes. Kris was too far gone to care, and he ran all the way back to the mansion. Allison stared at him as he ran up to the bedroom, but he ignored her.
Once in the room, he fell to the ground, gasping and gagging. He had only had a couple crackers and a few licks of icecream for the past three days, so the gags did nothing, besides make him more miserable.
Adam was in the room a few minutes later, kneeling by Kris and patting his sweaty face and neck with a cold, wet cloth. It felt good, and Kris's violent shaking turned into slight trembling. "Kris, baby-" Adam began, but his voice broke and he stood and turned around so Kris wouldn't see the tears that he couldn't hold in. The rest of Kris broke and he burst into tears again.
*This isn't how someone who beat you would act.* He told himself. *Alec never cried over your pain. He laughed and did anything possible to make it worse.*
Kris closed his eyes as he realized how foolish he had been. Adam hadn't hurt him, but he had hurt Adam. Now, it was up to him to make it better. He got to his feet and walked up to Adam, wrapping his arms around his waist and putting his cheek against his back. "Adam, I'm so sorry."
He just sniffled.
"I love you, Adam. I really, really love you and I'm sorry I've been acting so...crazy."
Adam turned around and stared at Kris, tears still falling freely. Luckily, he had not worn any makeup to the beach except foundation to hide those adorable freckles."Just tell me why, Kris. What's wrong? What did I do?"
"You didn't do anything." Kris assured him, his own voice almost breaking.
"Then what is it?"
Kris sighed and braced himself. It was time to tell.
*More Notes*: I DO NOT believe Kris is fat, ugly, or an idiot just so you know. :)