Fic: Revelry
Title: Revelry
Author:
claire_kay
Rating: PG-13. There are a few naughty words.
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Summary: In the dark of the night I could hear you calling my name.
Notes: Hi :) I don't even know where this came from lol. And its not even that angsty lol! Also, sorry for the wait on the next part of BYLOOMC if anyone is waiting for it, its been a crazy few days and Adam and Kris weren't playing lol. Well I hope you enjoy this. comments as always are lovely. x ooh all mistakes are my own, no beta be here.
Disclaimer: This never ever happened. Not ever. Just in my head... and in Kris'. ;)
The friendship is an easy one, it grows and builds and there is a strength behind it that Kris is certain no one but the two of them will ever understand. There are moments when he is sure that they are both walking a thin line on the definition of their friendship, when boundaries are unintentionally broken and neither of them quite know what to say. So it becomes an avoidable issue, neither of them acknowledging anything but still both concealing nothing. Touches that linger too long and looks that last because Kris is willing to admit at the very least that he needs it, he craves it and he is in far too deep to give up now.
He has been here before, confused and disorientated except this time its less of a shock to the system. This he saw coming, this he knew was something so much more than the bonds he had formed with his other new friends. From the moment they locked eyes he knew it, he could see the small flicker of a flame that was always destined to burn brighter and he has been waiting, letting it build and build until everything around him will be in flames.
Most of the time he just watches Adam, dark hair and bright blue eyes standing out from everyone else from so far away and even that in itself is enough, just to watch because he knows Adam can feel Kris' eyes on him, he knows because he sees the small way Adam's mouth lifts into a grin and his eyes glance sideways briefly, acknowledging him. There are things that he has locked away into his memory about Adam: his hands move as he talks, animated and hypnotic, when he talks to you he looks right at you deep into your eyes rendering you speechless and unable to move, his smile is gentle and warm and it seems to be a permanent fixture on his face, the arms that envelope you when he pulls you into an embrace are strong and comforting. And he knows Adam is more than aware of the effect he has on Kris, because feels himself react to all of those things, he can't help but gaze back at Adam, shudder under his touch and grip on tight when Adam pulls him close and Kris couldn't be subtle about it if he tried.
It all feels right and like the most normal thing in the world, there's no hesitation and no doubt and Kris feels like it should all be more of a struggle that whatever the hell this is should somehow feel wrong on some level, but it never has and by now he is fairly certain it never will. This is how Adam makes him feel, alive and warm and safe and loved, he just knows Adam is aware of it just as much as Kris is because Adam isn't stupid in fact he is fairly sure Adam is more clued up than he is.
They are stuck in some never ending dance, both fighting for the lead neither of them wanting to relinquish whatever power they have. But Kris is beginning to think that neither of them have any power over this because it comes to him in dreams now, vivid and clear and always Adam. He thinks this whole thing has taken on a power of its own and even if either of them wanted control there is now way they could regain it. It's lost somewhere between top ten week and the final night, somewhere between their first night on tour in Portland up to now on the dark tour bus somewhere just outside of Philadelphia and he can hear Adam above him shifting in the top bunk, uncomfortable and unable to sleep.
This whole thing has become a routine now and he knows he has about thirty seconds until Adam is whispering his name. He waits in the silence, desperate for it come that one word sending a bolt of electricity through him and making him alert and aware of every movement and sound around him.
“Kris.”
Kris wants to hear it again, so he waits keeping quiet and he closes his eyes enjoying it more. He knows what happens next if he gives in quickly, they would both move slow out of their small cramped excuses of beds and away from five sleeping bodies, somewhere their voices won't disturb the silence. They would sit and talk about the show, the audience, anything and everything always revealing something new each night, secrets and fears, knowing they were always still on that fine line scared that it would be the night they take it too far and it will be nothing but oblivious.
“Kris.”
There is a persistence in Adam's voice, it's different than usual its not asking Kris for the same thing as before. He tries to get his body to move the way it normally does every time this happens but it is completely still because he feels like everything is about to change.
He should have seen it coming. Their performance together tonight had been different, the same perfect harmonies and the connection as strong as always but still different, there was a brief moment when Adam turned to him eyes wide and deep into the music and the thousands of people may as well have been gone. All he saw was Adam, reaching a hand towards his holding on as if his life depended on it.
“Adam.” The name leaves Kris' mouth and all he can feel is relief, overwhelming and leaving him because he knew he had been waiting for this and he knows he wants this he hasn't doubted it, he hasn't spent sleepless nights worried about the repercussions of this, it's not that he isn't aware of them, because he is but the longer this has gone on the less important they seem to mean to him, and he should care, he should be worried about upsetting and hurting his family, his wife but then Adam's hand is falling between the curtains hiding him, hanging down and begging him to hold on and he knows there is no way he will deny Adam.
He holds on tightly, his fingers entwining with Adam's and its not enough, its contact but still he wants more and he wishes Adam would make the first move, just understand what Kris is saying by this small simple gesture. Surely Adam knows, he needs this, he wants this. Kris looks at their fingers joined together, how Adam's fingers stroke softly at Kris' knuckles and even in the darkness Kris' eyes have adjusted enough to be able to make out the freckles just starting on Adam's arm. He wants to lean forward, trail kisses along them, to count all of them. Then he hears Adam sigh contentedly and it's too damn much and Adam is driving him crazy.
He can hear the bed above him creaking and he knows Adam is moving and Kris thinks maybe that's all it was, just a new part of their routine and as each night of this tour goes on they will both get braver and who knows where they will end up, he thinks he'll see Adam looking down at him in a few seconds gesturing away from the others so they can sit and talk and Kris thinks he may just about well had enough of talking.
His hand falls away from Adam's and it physically hurts him to feel the connection be broken, its like a pull in his stomach and sick feeling that doesn't go away until Adam has pulled the curtain back and is looking down at him. Kris is usually pretty good at keeping his composure, its part of the role he plays in whatever the fuck this is but tonight is taking him somewhere else entirely and there's no way in hell Adam won't know exactly what thoughts are going through his mind right now.
Kris eyes Adam's body like this is the first time he has ever seen it, he'll never understand Adam's insecurities about his body not for one second because each freckle covered stretch of skin is perfect, his eyes fall lower lingering where Adam's bare stomach meets the black sweats he wears every night and its not enough, its never going to be enough when there is still too far a distance between them. Kris wants to speak, he wants to ignore Adam turning his head and glancing away, his stupid invitation to talk he wants to tell Adam he just wants this. At this stage he feels like he almost willing to beg Adam.
When Adam looks down at him there is something different in his eyes, some kind of look that says he is resigned, defeated. Adam's hands are held together in front of him, and his chipping at the nail polish on his fingers and Kris is fairly sure he can read this as nervous energy, and fuck Adam is nervous?
“I can't sleep.”
Kris has a comeback ready and waiting but it doesn't leave him because Adam is looking at him again, eyes trailing across Kris' body resting at the place the thin sheet lingers across his stomach and Kris would normally feel self conscious or even uneasy, but its impossible to feel that way with Adam because just like everything else with Adam it feels right, inevitable.
Kris holds out his hand again and Adam doesn't hesitate in holding on, he doesn't fight it when Kris pulls on his arm slightly giving him a permission that surely he must have already known he didn't need. He can feel all of Adam pressed against him, warm skin connecting and he just wants to look at Adam, he just wants to stay like this but Adam is glancing down again away from Kris' eyes, his face sad and struggling.
Kris' hands are everywhere then, reassuring and holding on tightly. He has a fistful of Adam's hair and his other hand is pressed firmly against Adam's lower back, the contact leaves them both breathless and whatever was holding Adam back is gone now and he is tracing slow kisses across Kris' shoulders, warm breath on his skin every time Adam stops to speak.
“I've been fighting this. Trying not want this. It's the hardest fucking thing I've ever had to do.” Kris was trying to concentrate on Adam's words, but he was still relentless with his mouth working his way up Kris' neck biting at the skin.
“You know I've wanted the same thing. Why didn't you just say?”
Adam's mouth was at his ear now, ragged breath and lips skimming over it. “Because you aren't mine to take and this might just be the most selfish thing I'll ever do.”
Adam has been thinking about this so much more than Kris has, so much more than Kris should have been. Adam's words should snap him into reality, they should make him push Adam away and admit that the whole thing is wrong. But it doesn't feel wrong and it never has, it feels more right than anything ever has in his life and if it means he gets to keep this he is willing to take all the repercussions that follow because of what happens tonight.
He wants to let Adam know it all, he wants to tell him everything and comfort him but he is so fucking sick of talking. He wonders if Adam has fallen asleep on him like this, his face buried in Kris neck, and Kris really wouldn't mind because the warm breath of Adam's on his skin is slowly pulling him under and he could quite happily stay like this forever. But he feels Adam move, kisses along his jaw slow and soft and building up to more.
Kris closes his eyes and waits, his expecting it and still he is nowhere near prepared but its okay because his not scared and his not hesitant, not like what he can feel coming from Adam and he wonders who has more to lose here, he wonders what it is that Adam is holding onto so tightly that he is afraid to give up.
His eyes are open then searching Adam's face and he sees exactly what Adam is afraid of losing. His risking more because he doesn't have a pretty little wife and a family who has no idea what he truly wants. Adam is who he is and the whole fucking world knows it, and Kris is something else entirely. He has a life and a whole load of promises he made and none of them included Adam Lambert. Everything is shifting underneath them and Kris is certain of what he wants, certain that his life is about to change and all those promises will be broken and there is nothing he can do to stop it. He wants Adam to understand, he needs Adam to know.
Kris' hands are moving in the dark and gripping into Adam's hair pulling their faces closer to each other and he knows he should say something significant but he can barely think and its a confusing mess in his mind and anything he says won't make sense.
It won't be enough, but it's a start and licks his lips before pressing them against Adam's, soft but urging Adam to reciprocate and he does open mouth and hands on Kris shoulders pushing him down into the thin mattress and the words leave him as they both pull away gasping for air and he hopes its enough because it's all he has.
“I am yours. I am.”
.
Author:
claire_kay
Rating: PG-13. There are a few naughty words.
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Summary: In the dark of the night I could hear you calling my name.
Notes: Hi :) I don't even know where this came from lol. And its not even that angsty lol! Also, sorry for the wait on the next part of BYLOOMC if anyone is waiting for it, its been a crazy few days and Adam and Kris weren't playing lol. Well I hope you enjoy this. comments as always are lovely. x ooh all mistakes are my own, no beta be here.
Disclaimer: This never ever happened. Not ever. Just in my head... and in Kris'. ;)
The friendship is an easy one, it grows and builds and there is a strength behind it that Kris is certain no one but the two of them will ever understand. There are moments when he is sure that they are both walking a thin line on the definition of their friendship, when boundaries are unintentionally broken and neither of them quite know what to say. So it becomes an avoidable issue, neither of them acknowledging anything but still both concealing nothing. Touches that linger too long and looks that last because Kris is willing to admit at the very least that he needs it, he craves it and he is in far too deep to give up now.
He has been here before, confused and disorientated except this time its less of a shock to the system. This he saw coming, this he knew was something so much more than the bonds he had formed with his other new friends. From the moment they locked eyes he knew it, he could see the small flicker of a flame that was always destined to burn brighter and he has been waiting, letting it build and build until everything around him will be in flames.
Most of the time he just watches Adam, dark hair and bright blue eyes standing out from everyone else from so far away and even that in itself is enough, just to watch because he knows Adam can feel Kris' eyes on him, he knows because he sees the small way Adam's mouth lifts into a grin and his eyes glance sideways briefly, acknowledging him. There are things that he has locked away into his memory about Adam: his hands move as he talks, animated and hypnotic, when he talks to you he looks right at you deep into your eyes rendering you speechless and unable to move, his smile is gentle and warm and it seems to be a permanent fixture on his face, the arms that envelope you when he pulls you into an embrace are strong and comforting. And he knows Adam is more than aware of the effect he has on Kris, because feels himself react to all of those things, he can't help but gaze back at Adam, shudder under his touch and grip on tight when Adam pulls him close and Kris couldn't be subtle about it if he tried.
It all feels right and like the most normal thing in the world, there's no hesitation and no doubt and Kris feels like it should all be more of a struggle that whatever the hell this is should somehow feel wrong on some level, but it never has and by now he is fairly certain it never will. This is how Adam makes him feel, alive and warm and safe and loved, he just knows Adam is aware of it just as much as Kris is because Adam isn't stupid in fact he is fairly sure Adam is more clued up than he is.
They are stuck in some never ending dance, both fighting for the lead neither of them wanting to relinquish whatever power they have. But Kris is beginning to think that neither of them have any power over this because it comes to him in dreams now, vivid and clear and always Adam. He thinks this whole thing has taken on a power of its own and even if either of them wanted control there is now way they could regain it. It's lost somewhere between top ten week and the final night, somewhere between their first night on tour in Portland up to now on the dark tour bus somewhere just outside of Philadelphia and he can hear Adam above him shifting in the top bunk, uncomfortable and unable to sleep.
This whole thing has become a routine now and he knows he has about thirty seconds until Adam is whispering his name. He waits in the silence, desperate for it come that one word sending a bolt of electricity through him and making him alert and aware of every movement and sound around him.
“Kris.”
Kris wants to hear it again, so he waits keeping quiet and he closes his eyes enjoying it more. He knows what happens next if he gives in quickly, they would both move slow out of their small cramped excuses of beds and away from five sleeping bodies, somewhere their voices won't disturb the silence. They would sit and talk about the show, the audience, anything and everything always revealing something new each night, secrets and fears, knowing they were always still on that fine line scared that it would be the night they take it too far and it will be nothing but oblivious.
“Kris.”
There is a persistence in Adam's voice, it's different than usual its not asking Kris for the same thing as before. He tries to get his body to move the way it normally does every time this happens but it is completely still because he feels like everything is about to change.
He should have seen it coming. Their performance together tonight had been different, the same perfect harmonies and the connection as strong as always but still different, there was a brief moment when Adam turned to him eyes wide and deep into the music and the thousands of people may as well have been gone. All he saw was Adam, reaching a hand towards his holding on as if his life depended on it.
“Adam.” The name leaves Kris' mouth and all he can feel is relief, overwhelming and leaving him because he knew he had been waiting for this and he knows he wants this he hasn't doubted it, he hasn't spent sleepless nights worried about the repercussions of this, it's not that he isn't aware of them, because he is but the longer this has gone on the less important they seem to mean to him, and he should care, he should be worried about upsetting and hurting his family, his wife but then Adam's hand is falling between the curtains hiding him, hanging down and begging him to hold on and he knows there is no way he will deny Adam.
He holds on tightly, his fingers entwining with Adam's and its not enough, its contact but still he wants more and he wishes Adam would make the first move, just understand what Kris is saying by this small simple gesture. Surely Adam knows, he needs this, he wants this. Kris looks at their fingers joined together, how Adam's fingers stroke softly at Kris' knuckles and even in the darkness Kris' eyes have adjusted enough to be able to make out the freckles just starting on Adam's arm. He wants to lean forward, trail kisses along them, to count all of them. Then he hears Adam sigh contentedly and it's too damn much and Adam is driving him crazy.
He can hear the bed above him creaking and he knows Adam is moving and Kris thinks maybe that's all it was, just a new part of their routine and as each night of this tour goes on they will both get braver and who knows where they will end up, he thinks he'll see Adam looking down at him in a few seconds gesturing away from the others so they can sit and talk and Kris thinks he may just about well had enough of talking.
His hand falls away from Adam's and it physically hurts him to feel the connection be broken, its like a pull in his stomach and sick feeling that doesn't go away until Adam has pulled the curtain back and is looking down at him. Kris is usually pretty good at keeping his composure, its part of the role he plays in whatever the fuck this is but tonight is taking him somewhere else entirely and there's no way in hell Adam won't know exactly what thoughts are going through his mind right now.
Kris eyes Adam's body like this is the first time he has ever seen it, he'll never understand Adam's insecurities about his body not for one second because each freckle covered stretch of skin is perfect, his eyes fall lower lingering where Adam's bare stomach meets the black sweats he wears every night and its not enough, its never going to be enough when there is still too far a distance between them. Kris wants to speak, he wants to ignore Adam turning his head and glancing away, his stupid invitation to talk he wants to tell Adam he just wants this. At this stage he feels like he almost willing to beg Adam.
When Adam looks down at him there is something different in his eyes, some kind of look that says he is resigned, defeated. Adam's hands are held together in front of him, and his chipping at the nail polish on his fingers and Kris is fairly sure he can read this as nervous energy, and fuck Adam is nervous?
“I can't sleep.”
Kris has a comeback ready and waiting but it doesn't leave him because Adam is looking at him again, eyes trailing across Kris' body resting at the place the thin sheet lingers across his stomach and Kris would normally feel self conscious or even uneasy, but its impossible to feel that way with Adam because just like everything else with Adam it feels right, inevitable.
Kris holds out his hand again and Adam doesn't hesitate in holding on, he doesn't fight it when Kris pulls on his arm slightly giving him a permission that surely he must have already known he didn't need. He can feel all of Adam pressed against him, warm skin connecting and he just wants to look at Adam, he just wants to stay like this but Adam is glancing down again away from Kris' eyes, his face sad and struggling.
Kris' hands are everywhere then, reassuring and holding on tightly. He has a fistful of Adam's hair and his other hand is pressed firmly against Adam's lower back, the contact leaves them both breathless and whatever was holding Adam back is gone now and he is tracing slow kisses across Kris' shoulders, warm breath on his skin every time Adam stops to speak.
“I've been fighting this. Trying not want this. It's the hardest fucking thing I've ever had to do.” Kris was trying to concentrate on Adam's words, but he was still relentless with his mouth working his way up Kris' neck biting at the skin.
“You know I've wanted the same thing. Why didn't you just say?”
Adam's mouth was at his ear now, ragged breath and lips skimming over it. “Because you aren't mine to take and this might just be the most selfish thing I'll ever do.”
Adam has been thinking about this so much more than Kris has, so much more than Kris should have been. Adam's words should snap him into reality, they should make him push Adam away and admit that the whole thing is wrong. But it doesn't feel wrong and it never has, it feels more right than anything ever has in his life and if it means he gets to keep this he is willing to take all the repercussions that follow because of what happens tonight.
He wants to let Adam know it all, he wants to tell him everything and comfort him but he is so fucking sick of talking. He wonders if Adam has fallen asleep on him like this, his face buried in Kris neck, and Kris really wouldn't mind because the warm breath of Adam's on his skin is slowly pulling him under and he could quite happily stay like this forever. But he feels Adam move, kisses along his jaw slow and soft and building up to more.
Kris closes his eyes and waits, his expecting it and still he is nowhere near prepared but its okay because his not scared and his not hesitant, not like what he can feel coming from Adam and he wonders who has more to lose here, he wonders what it is that Adam is holding onto so tightly that he is afraid to give up.
His eyes are open then searching Adam's face and he sees exactly what Adam is afraid of losing. His risking more because he doesn't have a pretty little wife and a family who has no idea what he truly wants. Adam is who he is and the whole fucking world knows it, and Kris is something else entirely. He has a life and a whole load of promises he made and none of them included Adam Lambert. Everything is shifting underneath them and Kris is certain of what he wants, certain that his life is about to change and all those promises will be broken and there is nothing he can do to stop it. He wants Adam to understand, he needs Adam to know.
Kris' hands are moving in the dark and gripping into Adam's hair pulling their faces closer to each other and he knows he should say something significant but he can barely think and its a confusing mess in his mind and anything he says won't make sense.
It won't be enough, but it's a start and licks his lips before pressing them against Adam's, soft but urging Adam to reciprocate and he does open mouth and hands on Kris shoulders pushing him down into the thin mattress and the words leave him as they both pull away gasping for air and he hopes its enough because it's all he has.
“I am yours. I am.”
.