cause all you see is where else you could be.
Title: The Choice
Author: cyanidescene
Pairing: Kradam
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Summary: Kris has one decision to make that will change his life forever.
“I’m not going to be mad if you say no,”
“But I want to say yes.”
Disclaimer: Not mine; I don’t own anything, including the boys. THIS IS FICTION, none of this ever happened, nor will it ever happen (unfortunately).
A/N: It's sort of a more serious take on the relationship between Adam and Kris.
Chapter 1
It’s a normal night in the Idol Mansion, well as normal as it can be. Gokey is rambling on and on about the godly love and how Jesus heals all wounds- or some bullshit. Allison is attempting to make a nice dinner for us all but in her seventeen years of living, only two were spent in Foods class and by the looks of the concoction she’s making up, we’ll be ordering take out. Matt is somewhere up in his bedroom, or off with Kara- who really cares? Kris is perched outside on the patio with a newspaper and his cell phone.
Our group is getting smaller and smaller each week, and soon enough it’ll be my turn to say goodbye to the dream and pack my bags. I guess I’m not all too worried, I made it this far and it’s beyond any of the expectations I had and I met amazing people, friends that are going to be there for a long time. Except Gokey, he can take his cocky ass somewhere else.
I swear, the guy thinks this is the “Danny Gokey” show. I mean sure, he’s got talent (hidden deep inside) but he doesn’t have a personality to match it. I’m really hoping he’s the next to go home… but maybe I’m just bitter cause the guy absolutely loathes me, which I don’t understand because he’s following the morals and beliefs of some other guy claiming that anyone who isn’t “heterosexual” (what does that even mean? We’re all a little gay.) is a disgrace to all that is human.
Uh, hellooo. Have you not been watching the news lately? I’m a disgrace because I like it up the ass but some guy rapes a girl and he’s what? A saint? But God forbid anyone argue with Danny, just God forbid it.
“Adam,” I brush my thoughts away and smile up at Allison.
“Yeah babe?” She smiles and I’m pretty sure melts a bit at the nickname, I can’t help it thought; she is way too cute for words.
“I’m having more troubles than I had though initial to starting dinner and I was going to see if you or Kris wanted to come with me to get some food?” She tossed a bowl in the garbage, it was filled with brown shit and I didn’t really want to know.
“Yeah, I’ll go see if Kris wants to come.” Danny’s ears perk up and he comes into the kitchen, I swear the guy has super sensitive hearing or something.
“Can I come?” I quickly slip out onto the porch and let Allison deal with him, she’s better at it than I am. More sensitive towards him.
“Hey man,” Kris jumps and something falls from his hand, he gasps as it hits his leg and brushes it off, the white stick rolls onto the ground and he stomps out the cherry.
“Smoking isn’t good for you,” who am I to talk though?
Kris just grunts and rubs at his forehead. “It’s the stress, sometimes it gets to me, no biggie.” But I’m pretty sure it is a biggie.
“No, it’s not the stress. What’s up man?” Kris is a pretty easy person to read but lately it’s like he’s been blocking everyone out. Except for on show nights and elimination nights, he keeps his face solemn. I’m starting to get worried.
“Do you ever feel like something isn’t right? Like you should be living this whole other life?” My heart stutters a little but quickly catches itself and returns to its normal pattern.
“Sometimes,” and I’ve got a feeling that Kris understands that completely.
“Hey, you two coming or what?” We both look up at Allison, I nod and Kris shoots a look in my direction.
“Food,” and then all three of us are out the front door and on our way to some Chinese Restaurant or Pizzeria.
--
I’m sitting cross-legged on my bed with the latest edition of People Magazine open in my lap; I wasn’t really reading it just looking at all the pictures.
“Hey,” my chest clenches at the familiar voice and I force a smile.
“What’s up?” I try to act nonchalant but I’m doing such a bad job, Kris has to know something is up.
“What’s up with you?” He raises a brow and obviously he’d catch on, he might be bad at lying but he sure as hell is good at catching liars.
I pause, how do I word this? My heart thumps against my ribcage and I feel like he can hear it all, the pound of each heart beat, the way my breath is caught in my throat.
“You, you remember when you asked if I. If I feel like something isn’t right or that I’m living the wrong life?” He nods but doesn’t say anything and I’m left in the silence, wracking my brain for some intelligible answer.
He walks over and sits on the edge of my bed, pulling his jacket off and turning his full focus on me, it makes me even nervous and embarrassed.
“Well, sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I wasn’t… different.” Kris freezes and I can see the wheels turning in his head, processing what I just told him. I flinch when he jumps off the bed a look of complete disgust on his face; I cringe and wish I’d kept my big mouth shut.
“Don’t. You. Dare.” He’s breathing heavy through his nose and I’m slightly afraid of this man, the one in Kris Allen’s body. “Don’t. Don’t. Don’t Adam, don’t.” I chew on my lip, my heart is slowly cracking and each breath he takes sounds like he’s just run a marathon.
“Wha-”
“Don’t you ever fucking wish you were any less incredible than you already are, don’t you fall into all that bullshit and the stupidity of people. So many people love you for you, they don’t care what color your hair is or if you get pedicures or if you’re gay. I can’t- cannot believe you would even wish something like that, if you weren’t you than you wouldn’t be Adam Lambert you’d be another guy and I would wish death upon my worst enemies before I even thought of wishing something like that.” I choke back tears and my heart swells with the love for this man standing in front of my bed, his face red from exertion and his hands clenched into fists.
I can’t help but jump off the bed and pull him into my arms, squeezing the shit out of him and burying my face into his shoulder. A sob rips from my throat and my eyes sting with salty tears.
“Hey,” his voice is softer now, much less violent and he holds me just as tight as I hold him.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble into his shirt. “I’m so sorry, sorry.” I’m blubbering but he doesn’t care, he just holds me that much tighter and I can’t help but cry because the affection I feel for this man is beyond anything I’ve ever felt before.
“Don’t fucking apologize, Jesus Adam.” He pulls away and grabs my face, looking straight into my eyes, “don’t you ever apologize for being who you are.” He wipes at my tears, clearing most of the wetness away and gives me his slightly lopsided smile.
“Can I kiss you?” It comes out and just like before and I really wish my foot could reach my mouth. His face is surprised and his fingers squeeze my face a little harder and I quickly spill out “I’m not going to be mad if you say no.” He’s searching my eyes for something and it scares me because I can’t read the look in his eyes.
Slowly, he moves closer to my face. Our lips are just brushing, my heart skips a few beats, my breathing is ragged and so quiet I almost miss it he whispers: “but I want to say yes.” And then our lips are touching full force and I can hear bells going off in my head, my palms are sweating and sticking to the back of his shirt but I can’t seem to give a fuck.
He pulls my face even closer to his and it feels as if my heart completely combusts, the pressure is nearly too much to handle but I suck it up and pull him in even closer.
Soo, what's the verdict? And thanks so much for reading.