Not Such an Ugly Duckling
Title: Not Such An Ugly Duckling
Series: A Year in the Life - April 2010
Date: April 2nd - Hans Christian Andersen’s Birthday
Author: cunningdeb
Rating: G
Pairing: adam/kris, Joshua
Summary: Adam reads his son a bedtime story and is overwhelmed by his old childhood memories.
Warning: angst
Extra Warning: tissues needed
Disclaimer: Pure fiction.
Part of my Allen-Lambert universe.
Deb’s Note: The first time I heard Adam comment that when he was younger he felt like an ‘ugly duckling’, I thought of this story. So when I looked up special days for April and saw Hans Christian Andersen’s birthday, I knew now was the time to explore it.
--*--
Adam and Kris were enjoying an after dinner coffee when Joshua scampered into the family room in his pajamas, Mrs. Willowby on his heels. Adam just had time to set down his hot drink before being landed on by his son.
“Your turn Papa, your turn,” he chimed, settling into Adam’s lap and attaching himself to a shiny earring.
In one smooth move, Adam lifted both himself and their six year old off the couch. Straightening him out like an airplane, Adam got a good hold on the little boy and brought him down for a goodnight kiss.
“Muah!” Kris exclaimed. “Nighty-night Joshie Bear. Sweet dreams.”
“Night night Daddy.”
“Pilot to air traffic control, ready for take off,” Adam called out in a deep voice, lifting the plane up.
“Clear skies ahead,” Kris replied in a thick New York accent as Joshie made wings.
“Roger wilco, out! VVVrrrooommm……”
Joshie Bear Flight 101 cruised out of the family room, through the foyer, accelerated up the stairs, down the hall and executed a perfect landing on his bed.
“Okay, what will it be tonight…Star Wars or Winnie the Pooh?”
The little guy rolled off his bed and dug into his school backpack, pulling out a book. “This, this!”
“That’s right, it was library day. Let’s see you’ve got…there... ‘The Ugly Duckling’ by Hans Christian Andersen.” Adam’s stomach unexpectedly lurched. “You have great taste in authors - a true classic.”
“No, no Arthur, read this.”
Adam and Kris had always taken turns reading to their kids. Hannah was twelve now and didn’t want this little bonding moment anymore so this time with their youngest was all the more precious. When Kris read, he and Joshie usually curled up on the bed and when Adam read, the two settled in the overstuffed chair by the window - Kris fit the bed, Adam didn’t.
Settling down with a blanket over them, Adam opened up the storybook and began:
“Once upon a time down on an old farm there lived a duck family. Mother Duck had been sitting on a clutch of new eggs. One nice morning, the eggs hatched and out popped six chirpy ducklings. But one egg was bigger than the rest, and it didn't hatch. Mother Duck didn’t know where the extra egg came from.
“Did I count the eggs wrongly? Mother Duck wondered. But before she had time to think about it, the last egg finally hatched. A strange looking duckling with gray feathers that should have been yellow gazed at a worried mother. While he looked different, she still loved him very much.
“The gray duckling certainly wasn't pretty, and since he ate far more than his brothers, he became bigger than him. As the days went by, the poor ugly duckling became more and more unhappy. His brothers didn't want to play with him, he was so clumsy, and all the farmyard folks simply laughed at him. He felt sad and lonely, while Mother Duck did her best to console him.”
Adam squirmed in his seat. This chair was usually so comfortable. Joshie whined and Adam took his hand, continuing.
“Poor little ugly duckling! she would say. Why are you so different from the others? And the ugly duckling felt worse than ever. He secretly wept at night. He felt nobody wanted him.
"Nobody loves me. They all tease me! Why am I different?
“Then one day, at sunrise, he ran away from the farmyard. He stopped at a pond and began to question all the other birds. Do you know of any ducklings with gray feathers like mine? But everyone shook their heads and said We don't know anyone as ugly as you.
“The ugly duckling did not lose heart, however, and kept on making inquiries. He went to another pond, where a pair of large geese gave him the same answer to his question.”
Adam’s throat felt tight and he coughed. He looked down at his bundle, hoping he was asleep and he could stop but his big brown eyes were wide awake, patiently waiting.
“He ran as far away as he could, and at dawn, he found himself in a thick bed of reeds. If nobody wants me, I'll hide here forever. There was plenty a food and the duckling began to feel a little happier, though he was lonely. One day at sunrise, he saw a flight of beautiful birds fly overhead. White, with long slender necks, yellow beaks and large wings, they were migrating south. If only I could look like them, just for a day! said the duckling, admiringly.”
--*--
Kris was helping Mrs. Willowby put away the dinner dishes when he heard a little sniffle. Joshie stood in the doorway, clutching his teddy bear and wiping his wet eyes with a little fist. Kris set down the mugs and scooped up his boy.
“Joshie, what’s wrong?” He wiped his cheeks and kissed his forehead.
“I’m scared,” the little one whispered.
They sat at the kitchen table. “What scared you?”
There was a pause as he buried his head in his Daddy’s neck. “Papa scared me.”
Kris’ head drew back and he looked at Mrs. Willowby with mild shock. “Papa? Papa scared you? What happened?” he asked softly.
Joshie wiped his nose on his sleeve as he answered. “He’s crying.”
--*--
Kris left Joshie to Mrs. Willowby’s loving care and hurried upstairs to his son’s bedroom. Quietly, he peeked around the corner and the sight before him broke his heart.
Adam, still in the chair, had one hand covering his eyes and the other held his middle. His shoulder shook slightly. Kris slowly walked over to him and glanced at the open book still in his lap. It only took a few sentences to tell Kris all he needed to know. Kneeling beside the chair, Kris ran a tender hand through his husband’s hair.
Adam lowered his hand from his face, his eyes glossy and a little wet. His upper lip was quivering as he fought back the emotions that unexpectedly washed over him. Unable to look his love in the eyes, Adam hung his head low and shook it. His voice was small.
“I’m such a baby, letting this get to me after all these years.”
“No, Adam, you’re not. It’s just bringing back memories.”
Kris recalled the many long talks they had shared over the years. Adam told him that when he was a boy, he was different. He wasn’t into sports. One year, his dad was coaching a soccer team and Adam was one of his players but at practice, he was more interested in looking for caterpillars in the grass than practicing his footwork. His parents always loved him and supported him in everything he did - Neil, well, Neil was Neil - but aside from theater on the weekends, he didn’t socialize with other kids. He didn’t like his ginger hair or his freckles and being lonely, he became an emotional eater and got heavy. On top of that, he dealt with his confusing feelings about his sexuality on his own and everything combined had made him feel he was an ‘ugly duckling’.
Adam finally looked at his husband, still finding it a little hard to believe he had been so lucky. Kris gifted him a lopsided smile and leaned in, kissing his forehead.
“Remember that old rhythm,” Adam started, “ - sticks and stones can break by bones but names will never hurt me? I’d take a broken bone any day over feel-feeling like that again.”
The tears overflowed and wet his cheeks. Kris drew him near and Adam rested his head on the arm of the chair while Kris rubbed small circles on his back. A little kiss dotted the shell of his ear as soothing words trickled into his brain, banishing the scary dark thoughts hovering since boyhood.
“I guess those memories will always be there sweetheart but Adam, you should be so proud of yourself. You’ve grown into a wonderful man with lots of friends and people all over the world love you. Most importantly I love you, and our children love you.”
“Joshua.” Adam raised his head, looking around the room. “Where’s Joshua?”
“He’s in the kitchen with Mrs. Willowby. He came down to get me.” Kris wasn’t sure if he should say but Adam would want to know. “He got scared when he saw you crying.”
Adam cleared his throat and wiped his eyes dry. “Wonderful, now I’m traumatizing my own son.”
Kris chuckled. “He’s fine. I explained to him that sometimes grown ups get sad and they cry just like kids do and that there is nothing to be afraid of. I told him you still love him and you’re still the same Papa he’s always loved.”
“Did he get it?”
Looking towards the bedroom door at the little boy standing there, Kris nodded. “I believe he did.”
Adam followed Kris’ gaze and saw Joshie. He opened his arms and his boy ran to him, crawling up and giving him a big hug.
“I love you Papa, don’t be scared.” Joshie sat on his lap and offered his bear. “You can hold him if you want.”
“You keep him, I’ve got a Joshie Bear to keep me safe.”
“And Daddy too.”
Adam took Kris’ hand. “And Daddy too.”
Carefully, Kris removed the storybook from under Joshua’s legs and dragged a table over beside the chair. “What do you two say we finish this story and get our happy ending?”
Joshie settled down as Adam wrapped him in a bear hug and rested his cheek against his soft hair. “We’re all ears Mr. Andersen.”
“Spring came and that was when the duckling saw himself mirrored in the water.
“Goodness! How I've changed! I hardly recognize myself! The flight of swans winged north again and glided on to the pond. When the duckling saw them, he realized he was one of them and soon made friends.
“We're swans like you! they said, warmly. Where have you been hiding?
“It's a long story, replied the young swan, still astounded. Now, he swam majestically with his fellow swans. One day, he heard children on the river bank exclaim: Look at that young swan! He's the finest of them all!
“And he almost burst with happiness. The End.” Kris closed the book and turned towards the chair. “See boys, everything worked out in the end.”
Adam and Joshie didn’t reply. They had both fallen fast asleep.
Kris scooped up the little guy and settled him in his bed, kissing his head. “Sweet dreams by little duckling.”
He then turned to Adam, covering him with the blanket and caressing his face. Kris tenderly kissed his lips and whispered, “Sweet dreams by beautiful swan.”
Danny Kaye singing “The Ugly Duckling” from the movie “Hans Christian Andersen” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMKxnYRhk6I
Series: A Year in the Life - April 2010
Date: April 2nd - Hans Christian Andersen’s Birthday
Author: cunningdeb
Rating: G
Pairing: adam/kris, Joshua
Summary: Adam reads his son a bedtime story and is overwhelmed by his old childhood memories.
Warning: angst
Extra Warning: tissues needed
Disclaimer: Pure fiction.
Part of my Allen-Lambert universe.
Deb’s Note: The first time I heard Adam comment that when he was younger he felt like an ‘ugly duckling’, I thought of this story. So when I looked up special days for April and saw Hans Christian Andersen’s birthday, I knew now was the time to explore it.
--*--
Adam and Kris were enjoying an after dinner coffee when Joshua scampered into the family room in his pajamas, Mrs. Willowby on his heels. Adam just had time to set down his hot drink before being landed on by his son.
“Your turn Papa, your turn,” he chimed, settling into Adam’s lap and attaching himself to a shiny earring.
In one smooth move, Adam lifted both himself and their six year old off the couch. Straightening him out like an airplane, Adam got a good hold on the little boy and brought him down for a goodnight kiss.
“Muah!” Kris exclaimed. “Nighty-night Joshie Bear. Sweet dreams.”
“Night night Daddy.”
“Pilot to air traffic control, ready for take off,” Adam called out in a deep voice, lifting the plane up.
“Clear skies ahead,” Kris replied in a thick New York accent as Joshie made wings.
“Roger wilco, out! VVVrrrooommm……”
Joshie Bear Flight 101 cruised out of the family room, through the foyer, accelerated up the stairs, down the hall and executed a perfect landing on his bed.
“Okay, what will it be tonight…Star Wars or Winnie the Pooh?”
The little guy rolled off his bed and dug into his school backpack, pulling out a book. “This, this!”
“That’s right, it was library day. Let’s see you’ve got…there... ‘The Ugly Duckling’ by Hans Christian Andersen.” Adam’s stomach unexpectedly lurched. “You have great taste in authors - a true classic.”
“No, no Arthur, read this.”
Adam and Kris had always taken turns reading to their kids. Hannah was twelve now and didn’t want this little bonding moment anymore so this time with their youngest was all the more precious. When Kris read, he and Joshie usually curled up on the bed and when Adam read, the two settled in the overstuffed chair by the window - Kris fit the bed, Adam didn’t.
Settling down with a blanket over them, Adam opened up the storybook and began:
“Once upon a time down on an old farm there lived a duck family. Mother Duck had been sitting on a clutch of new eggs. One nice morning, the eggs hatched and out popped six chirpy ducklings. But one egg was bigger than the rest, and it didn't hatch. Mother Duck didn’t know where the extra egg came from.
“Did I count the eggs wrongly? Mother Duck wondered. But before she had time to think about it, the last egg finally hatched. A strange looking duckling with gray feathers that should have been yellow gazed at a worried mother. While he looked different, she still loved him very much.
“The gray duckling certainly wasn't pretty, and since he ate far more than his brothers, he became bigger than him. As the days went by, the poor ugly duckling became more and more unhappy. His brothers didn't want to play with him, he was so clumsy, and all the farmyard folks simply laughed at him. He felt sad and lonely, while Mother Duck did her best to console him.”
Adam squirmed in his seat. This chair was usually so comfortable. Joshie whined and Adam took his hand, continuing.
“Poor little ugly duckling! she would say. Why are you so different from the others? And the ugly duckling felt worse than ever. He secretly wept at night. He felt nobody wanted him.
"Nobody loves me. They all tease me! Why am I different?
“Then one day, at sunrise, he ran away from the farmyard. He stopped at a pond and began to question all the other birds. Do you know of any ducklings with gray feathers like mine? But everyone shook their heads and said We don't know anyone as ugly as you.
“The ugly duckling did not lose heart, however, and kept on making inquiries. He went to another pond, where a pair of large geese gave him the same answer to his question.”
Adam’s throat felt tight and he coughed. He looked down at his bundle, hoping he was asleep and he could stop but his big brown eyes were wide awake, patiently waiting.
“He ran as far away as he could, and at dawn, he found himself in a thick bed of reeds. If nobody wants me, I'll hide here forever. There was plenty a food and the duckling began to feel a little happier, though he was lonely. One day at sunrise, he saw a flight of beautiful birds fly overhead. White, with long slender necks, yellow beaks and large wings, they were migrating south. If only I could look like them, just for a day! said the duckling, admiringly.”
--*--
Kris was helping Mrs. Willowby put away the dinner dishes when he heard a little sniffle. Joshie stood in the doorway, clutching his teddy bear and wiping his wet eyes with a little fist. Kris set down the mugs and scooped up his boy.
“Joshie, what’s wrong?” He wiped his cheeks and kissed his forehead.
“I’m scared,” the little one whispered.
They sat at the kitchen table. “What scared you?”
There was a pause as he buried his head in his Daddy’s neck. “Papa scared me.”
Kris’ head drew back and he looked at Mrs. Willowby with mild shock. “Papa? Papa scared you? What happened?” he asked softly.
Joshie wiped his nose on his sleeve as he answered. “He’s crying.”
--*--
Kris left Joshie to Mrs. Willowby’s loving care and hurried upstairs to his son’s bedroom. Quietly, he peeked around the corner and the sight before him broke his heart.
Adam, still in the chair, had one hand covering his eyes and the other held his middle. His shoulder shook slightly. Kris slowly walked over to him and glanced at the open book still in his lap. It only took a few sentences to tell Kris all he needed to know. Kneeling beside the chair, Kris ran a tender hand through his husband’s hair.
Adam lowered his hand from his face, his eyes glossy and a little wet. His upper lip was quivering as he fought back the emotions that unexpectedly washed over him. Unable to look his love in the eyes, Adam hung his head low and shook it. His voice was small.
“I’m such a baby, letting this get to me after all these years.”
“No, Adam, you’re not. It’s just bringing back memories.”
Kris recalled the many long talks they had shared over the years. Adam told him that when he was a boy, he was different. He wasn’t into sports. One year, his dad was coaching a soccer team and Adam was one of his players but at practice, he was more interested in looking for caterpillars in the grass than practicing his footwork. His parents always loved him and supported him in everything he did - Neil, well, Neil was Neil - but aside from theater on the weekends, he didn’t socialize with other kids. He didn’t like his ginger hair or his freckles and being lonely, he became an emotional eater and got heavy. On top of that, he dealt with his confusing feelings about his sexuality on his own and everything combined had made him feel he was an ‘ugly duckling’.
Adam finally looked at his husband, still finding it a little hard to believe he had been so lucky. Kris gifted him a lopsided smile and leaned in, kissing his forehead.
“Remember that old rhythm,” Adam started, “ - sticks and stones can break by bones but names will never hurt me? I’d take a broken bone any day over feel-feeling like that again.”
The tears overflowed and wet his cheeks. Kris drew him near and Adam rested his head on the arm of the chair while Kris rubbed small circles on his back. A little kiss dotted the shell of his ear as soothing words trickled into his brain, banishing the scary dark thoughts hovering since boyhood.
“I guess those memories will always be there sweetheart but Adam, you should be so proud of yourself. You’ve grown into a wonderful man with lots of friends and people all over the world love you. Most importantly I love you, and our children love you.”
“Joshua.” Adam raised his head, looking around the room. “Where’s Joshua?”
“He’s in the kitchen with Mrs. Willowby. He came down to get me.” Kris wasn’t sure if he should say but Adam would want to know. “He got scared when he saw you crying.”
Adam cleared his throat and wiped his eyes dry. “Wonderful, now I’m traumatizing my own son.”
Kris chuckled. “He’s fine. I explained to him that sometimes grown ups get sad and they cry just like kids do and that there is nothing to be afraid of. I told him you still love him and you’re still the same Papa he’s always loved.”
“Did he get it?”
Looking towards the bedroom door at the little boy standing there, Kris nodded. “I believe he did.”
Adam followed Kris’ gaze and saw Joshie. He opened his arms and his boy ran to him, crawling up and giving him a big hug.
“I love you Papa, don’t be scared.” Joshie sat on his lap and offered his bear. “You can hold him if you want.”
“You keep him, I’ve got a Joshie Bear to keep me safe.”
“And Daddy too.”
Adam took Kris’ hand. “And Daddy too.”
Carefully, Kris removed the storybook from under Joshua’s legs and dragged a table over beside the chair. “What do you two say we finish this story and get our happy ending?”
Joshie settled down as Adam wrapped him in a bear hug and rested his cheek against his soft hair. “We’re all ears Mr. Andersen.”
“Spring came and that was when the duckling saw himself mirrored in the water.
“Goodness! How I've changed! I hardly recognize myself! The flight of swans winged north again and glided on to the pond. When the duckling saw them, he realized he was one of them and soon made friends.
“We're swans like you! they said, warmly. Where have you been hiding?
“It's a long story, replied the young swan, still astounded. Now, he swam majestically with his fellow swans. One day, he heard children on the river bank exclaim: Look at that young swan! He's the finest of them all!
“And he almost burst with happiness. The End.” Kris closed the book and turned towards the chair. “See boys, everything worked out in the end.”
Adam and Joshie didn’t reply. They had both fallen fast asleep.
Kris scooped up the little guy and settled him in his bed, kissing his head. “Sweet dreams by little duckling.”
He then turned to Adam, covering him with the blanket and caressing his face. Kris tenderly kissed his lips and whispered, “Sweet dreams by beautiful swan.”
Danny Kaye singing “The Ugly Duckling” from the movie “Hans Christian Andersen” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMKxnYRhk6I