In the Still of the Night

[kpronovost728]

Chapter 2

As the wind rustled her hair and her eyes drifted shut for a moment’s reflection, her ears perked up as she heard running feet.  Getting closer to her, she thought, eyes shooting open.  Pushing her back off from the tree trunk, she twisted her neck to the right to see who was coming, preparing for any possible attack.   “

Comments

[aranel_gamgee]

I really liked the descriptions in the first chapter. It made it sound not only like a regular night for everyone else, but the possibility of being a special night for the celebrating ninja, and Hinata in particular.

This chapter, though, I have a bit of a problem with the plot. It's just my opinion, so if you don't like it, just ignore me. First off, I'm wondering about the timeline. If they are older and more mature, that would explain why Hinata wouldn't faint dead-away at the first innocent kiss. However, I can't see Naruto sobbing over Sakura just b/c she turned him down. She has been turning him down for a long time, and it's not the first time he's asked her out or said he likes her. I can't recall if he's ever said he LOVES her, but I still don't think he'd react so negatively to being turned down for the nth time.

As for the making out, it reminded me of When Harry Met Sally--which is good! I love that movie very much. But the main reason I love that movie is b/c the main characters did EVERYTHING together and it

[kpronovost728]

Thanks for the suggestions. You did bring up some valid points and I appreciate the suggestions. It's made me think about tweaking the story a little. It's a work-in-progress. But I'm glad you like the writing.