Natural Instincts 3/13
Author: kpopforlife
Word Count: 2817
Rating: PG-13 (overall NC-17)
Pairing/Focus: Jongyu
Genre: omega!verse
Warnings: Omega!verse, knotting, dom!jinki
Summary: As soon as Jinki stepped off of the elevator he knew something was off. There was a tension, a faint whiff of something different, something foreign that laced the stagnant air with the most delicious aroma he had ever encountered. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but something was amiss. His senses were heightened, body reacting on its own accord, alpha pheromones immediately stirring, but for what he wasn’t quite sure.
lethallycute beta<3
Prev
Jinki didn’t really know when Minho left or when his eyes finally decided to close that night; his endless tears fogging his brain and turning everything into a fuzzy haze. However, the last thing he remembered was seeing the first hints of morning light filtering softly through the window.
Needless to say, the next day was hard.
He awoke to the piercing sound of his alarm clock, which only served to agitate the excruciating throb in his temple. It hurt to simply be awake. Not only because of the mere hours of rest he had gotten, but also because sleep seemed to be the only real relief he was able to get from the mental and emotional rollercoaster he was currently on. He whined to himself, dreading the very thought of leaving his nice warm blankets. He was dreading the full day of schedules he would have to suffer through but most of all, he was dreading having to face Jonghyun. It killed him to see the younger so weighed down with guilt and knowing it was all his fault. The only thing worse than the prospect of facing his bond-mate was not seeing Jonghyun at all. Jinki’s chest literally ached to be close to him, to see him, to hold him. He could feel Jonghyun’s presence near and everything inside him begged to bridge that physical and emotional gap, to let the younger melt away the hurt inside him because Jonghyun was the only one who could.
With a forlorn but resolute sigh, Jinki rolled out of bed, wincing as his bare feet encountered the cold wood panels. He readjusted his sleep pants that had fallen far too low for comfort, exposing his subtly protruding hipbones. He stumbled slightly against the wooden post of his bed since he was trying to walk while still half asleep and attempting to straighten the fabric that had been twisted uncomfortably around his legs from his fitful sleep. He had never been good at multitasking. When he finally managed to right himself he could feel the bruise blossoming on the tender flesh above his knee but he was consequently much more awake. With a muttered curse and a quick ruffle of his hair, he proceeded to leave the comfort and solitude of his room.
Jinki tried to act normal; tried to pretend like everything was okay, but his swollen, red eyes left nothing to the imagination. He could feel the tangible tension that hung heavy over the whole dorm and it only made things even more difficult. He hated making his members worry, but even more than that, he hated being a disappointment. That was just what he was, a disappointment. He had failed the ones he was supposed to lead and it killed him inside to put on such an act. The repressed emotions from all five members were palpable. Jonghyun had obviously told the other two betas what had happened, leaving an unofficial divide within their small living space.
He forced a pained smile onto his face, taking his normal seat beside Jonghyun at the breakfast table and focused on not making this harder than it needed to be. It only made it worse that he felt so much relief to finally be near Jonghyun. It was unsettling how dependant his emotional state was on the younger now. His bond-mate’s presence had this disturbingly easy calming effect on his whole being.
“Are you hungry hyung?” Kibum asked dutifully. Jinki could see anger burning behind his eyes and it only served to cut him just a little deeper. A fleeting look towards the maknae told him that the betas of the dorm were on the same page. Of course Taemin and Kibum would blame this whole ordeal on him. They both knew what it was like to lose control and understood and empathized with Jonghyun’s stance. They both trusted Jinki to be better than some pheromone-driven alpha and he had let them down. He couldn’t even find it in himself to feel resentful toward them though. It was his fault. He did know better. He most definitely didn’t deserve to be offered breakfast like his actions didn’t threaten to tear apart the very fabric of their group dynamic.
Jinki nodded, giving a small, “Thank you,” as he helped himself to a small portion of the breakfast stew simmering on the stove. To be honest, the thought of food was far from appealing to him but he knew that he needed to eat if he was going to make it through the full day of meetings and photo ops they inevitable had.
The silence was practically suffocating as he took his seat once again.
“So what does our schedule look like today?” Jinki asked to no one in particular as he picked at his rice, stirring his soup rather mindlessly.
There was a pregnant pause before Minho finally spoke up, filling up the silence.
“We have an Etude promotion to shoot and then a prerecording for…”
Jinki tuned him out, simply glad that the weight of the silence was finally being lifted. He was finding it hard to concentrate on anything at all with Jonghyun sitting so close to him anyway. He found himself being keenly aware of every movement, every little quirk. Like how he immediately noticed that Jonghyun was drinking orange juice instead of his usual grape. Were they out? Was Jonghyun perhaps feeling like he was coming down with a cold and therefore was trying to boost his vitamin C intake? He also noticed that the younger was eating with his left hand today, noting a small bandage in his right index finger. While it was clearly nothing to worry about, probably just a minor cut, Jinki couldn’t help but want to panic. What had happened? Was he okay? Did it hurt? Did he use antiseptic like he was supposed to? He knew he was being irrational but it didn’t stop him from wanting to cradle the injured hand to his chest or attempt to kiss away the pain.
Was this really his life now? Fighting away the irrational urge to protect his bond-mate from paper cuts? In an instant he had gone from comforted by the younger’s presence to a mother hen needing to protect Jonghyun from himself. Jinki repressed a sigh, playing with his food once again as he waited for the others to finish eating so they could all get ready for another long day.
~~~
Jinki would have thought that bonding would make it easier for him to be around Taemin and Kibum, no longer having to suppress his alpha instincts; however, now it was more difficult to see the two of them for completely different reasons. They had both begun treating him so coolly; there was no emotion and none of their usual playfulness when they spoke. It was like there was a glass wall separating Jinki from the rest of the members. He felt isolated. Secluded. He knew he deserved it but it didn’t make it hurt any less. The members had always been his sanctuary away from the pressures of the career path he had chosen. The members understood because they were all in it together and it stung to have that safe haven so brutally ripped away from him when he needed it most.
Kibum was blatantly giving him the cold shoulder, a skill the younger had honed and perfected to art form status over the years. He only spoke when necessary and he’s words were short and clipped, making it obvious he would rather be doing anything at all than giving Jinki the time of day. He and Kibum had never had an easy relationship; Kibum being painfully blunt and Jinki just a touch too sensitive for them to ever get real close to each other, but he had always thought the two of them had found a comfortable understanding over the years. However, that all appeared to be shattered, leaving behind a heavy cloud of bitter awkwardness that remained stagnant whenever the two were in a room together.
Things were even worse with Taemin. Ever since their training days Jinki and been close with the youngest. He knew how Taemin still looked up to him and he had obviously fallen from his pedestal in the maknae’s mind. He had always strove to be a good role model for him and tried to be just a little bit worthy of the worshipful glances he received but it was all for naught now. He wanted so badly to fix it, fix everything and bring the group back together like they were before but it was hopeless. It simply wasn’t fixable.
Being around Jonghyun was obviously even more difficult for him. There was this all-consuming urge to be near him, hold him. It was as if his very being would only be at peace if Jonghyun were in his arms. And it hurt more than anything that he knew he couldn’t do that. He wasn’t allowed. And it was entirely his fault that he felt this way and would continue to feel this way for the rest of his life. He could only hope that the pain would lessen with time. There was a dull ache where his heart used to be. It only made it worse to see the guilt in the younger’s eyes. Jonghyun seemed to have some inclination of what kind of pain the situation was putting Jinki through and he felt bad about it, even if none of it was his fault.
However, Minho seemed to view the whole ordeal differently, his temper flaring quickly, taking personal offense to any hint of an accusation towards Jinki. It was tiring to say the least. Jinki began resigning himself to any room that didn’t contain the other members. It simply made things easier. When he was alone he didn’t have to pretend to be all right; he didn’t have to pretend to be emotionless. When he was alone he didn’t have to hide his brokenness for the sake of others.
Jinki spent a considerable amount of time online, researching his newfound predicament. He wasn’t quite sure how to go about finding a solution that didn’t involve Jonghyun because he highly doubted there were any. It was rare for alphas to bond with someone they weren’t serious with since bonding wasn’t something to be taken lightly. Generally, the thought of being eternally bound to someone you didn’t like was enough of a deterrent to convince an alpha to keep their knot under control. It was simply too easy to loose yourself to the overwhelming pheromone high that alphas and betas stuck to their own devices until they were ready for something serious.
However, his search turned out to be fruitless because the closest he could find were personal accounts of alphas whose betas had passed away. The stories were heartbreaking in a similar yet completely different way from Jinki’s own situation. Did it make it easier or harder to deal with the separation to know that his bond-mate was very much alive and well?
Jinki quickly cleared his browser history, not wanting Minho to find out what he was doing since the younger had taken it upon himself to watch out for Jinki, before flinging himself onto his bed to do some deep thinking. He could feel Jonghyun nearby and the thin walls of their apartment let his voice drift freely which gave Jinki some level of comfort. It eased his mind enough to let him sink into his own thoughts.
Jinki knew he was going to be miserable as long as Jonghyun rejected him. It was a fact. He might as well accept it so he could work towards moving on. Well, as much as one could move on in this kind of situation. So rather than dwelling on how terrible he felt inside, he tried to think of what could make him happy, something to help balance out the misery that was festering inside him, threatening to bubble over at any moment.
Jonghyun. Just because he wasn’t with Jonghyun didn’t mean the younger had or would cut Jinki out of his life entirely. They were still friends. He still saw Jonghyun everyday. It could be worse.
Maybe he could find some kernel of happiness in knowing that Jonghyun was a part of his life, simply knowing that Jonghyun was happy. It still caused a painful ache in his chest to think of Jonghyun being happy without needing him but he pushed it away. He felt like he was grasping at straws, but really, it was all he had left.
He quickly rolled out of bed, refusing to wallow in pity any longer. He decided to finally talk to Jonghyun. He couldn’t very well avoid him forever nor did he want to, so he might as well make an effort to smooth out their relationship.
He bit back a growl as he entered the living room to find Jonghyun and Kibum sitting far too close together as they chatted during a rerun of Star King. It made his stomach twist painfully and his deep-rooted alpha instincts screamed for him to show Kibum his place, however, Jinki was the leader for a reason. He took a deep breath, forcing his eyes closed as he pushed his thoughts away forcefully as he tried to retain his composure. He slowly blinked his eyes back open, a mental wall now securely in place to block his emotions from erupting again.
“Jonghyun, can we talk?” Jinki asked quietly, his face a stoic mask as he took in the scene before him.
“We are busy,” Kibum responded coldly, glaring obviously.
“Kibum,” Jonghyun muttered, his tone annoyed and his words clearly meant as a warning. He turned towards Jinki and gave him a weak smile, “Sure hyung.”
Jinki attempted to return the smile before turning on his heel, heading back into his room, leaving the door open for Jonghyun to follow. He pulled his desk chair around so they could face each other, settling himself on the bed because he didn’t think he could handle the mental picture of Jonghyun’s pale skin against his sheets. Those were not the thoughts he really needed to be entertaining at a time like this.
Jonghyun closed the door quietly behind himself, sitting down stiffly in the chair before turning his big, innocent eyes onto Jinki.
Jinki took a deep breath, willing his racing heart to calm as he dove headfirst into the speech he had mentally prepared, “Jonghyun, I know this situation is difficult on both of us but I really don’t want it to ruin the group or our friendship. I am really sorry, I know this isn’t what you wanted and I- Since I’ve bonded, you obviously know my feelings towards you and I can’t help that, and I know you don’t reciprocate those feelings and that is all right; it’s understandable. I just- I need to know that once the awkwardness wears off that we are going to go back to normal. I still consider you one of my best friends and I don’t want that to change, I don’t think I can bear it if that were to change,” Jinki pulled a pillow into his lap, clutching it protectively to his chest, his nerves on high alert as he glanced up at the younger, trying to read his posture.
“I know hyung. I don’t want this to change anything either. And you know I don’t blame you right? It was an accident; no one is at fault. You understand right? Why I can’t- umm- Anyway, I’ll try talking to the guys again, I know they keep being dicks towards you and that isn’t fair,” Jonghyun said honestly, his eyes hopeful.
“Don’t worry about it,” Jinki interjected, “I understand why they are upset and rightfully so.”
“Well still, they shouldn’t treat you like that. Hopefully we can just sweep this all under the rug and forget about it soon, right?” Jonghyun’s grin made Jinki swallow painfully, painting a matching expression on his face as his heart wrenched in his chest at the words. The idea that the man he is inexplicably in love with wanted to simply forget the event ever happened hurt more than he could have ever imagined.
Jinki painfully croaked out something that sounded like an affirmation but then Jonghyun gave him that smile, the one that made his head fuzzy and his heart feel like it would fly out of his chest and Jinki forgot what it even meant to hurt.
“Thanks hyung,” Jonghyun said softly, sincerity filled his tone; “I know this must be really difficult for you so thanks for understanding.”
Jinki merely nodded, knowing his voice would deceive him if he tried to speak. This was going to be a lot harder than he ever imagined.
~~~~~
Sorry this is beyond late. I got a bunny and pneumonia and both worked as excellent distractions. Pneumonia combined with the work stuff I had going on meant I was on the brink of death, plus it made me sleep all the time. More importantly, I had a spliting headache any time I was awake and that made writing no fun. Also, the bunny likes to run across my keyboard when I'm typing which isn't really conducive to productivity. But enough of my excuses...
Next
Word Count: 2817
Rating: PG-13 (overall NC-17)
Pairing/Focus: Jongyu
Genre: omega!verse
Warnings: Omega!verse, knotting, dom!jinki
Summary: As soon as Jinki stepped off of the elevator he knew something was off. There was a tension, a faint whiff of something different, something foreign that laced the stagnant air with the most delicious aroma he had ever encountered. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but something was amiss. His senses were heightened, body reacting on its own accord, alpha pheromones immediately stirring, but for what he wasn’t quite sure.
lethallycute beta<3
Prev
Jinki didn’t really know when Minho left or when his eyes finally decided to close that night; his endless tears fogging his brain and turning everything into a fuzzy haze. However, the last thing he remembered was seeing the first hints of morning light filtering softly through the window.
Needless to say, the next day was hard.
He awoke to the piercing sound of his alarm clock, which only served to agitate the excruciating throb in his temple. It hurt to simply be awake. Not only because of the mere hours of rest he had gotten, but also because sleep seemed to be the only real relief he was able to get from the mental and emotional rollercoaster he was currently on. He whined to himself, dreading the very thought of leaving his nice warm blankets. He was dreading the full day of schedules he would have to suffer through but most of all, he was dreading having to face Jonghyun. It killed him to see the younger so weighed down with guilt and knowing it was all his fault. The only thing worse than the prospect of facing his bond-mate was not seeing Jonghyun at all. Jinki’s chest literally ached to be close to him, to see him, to hold him. He could feel Jonghyun’s presence near and everything inside him begged to bridge that physical and emotional gap, to let the younger melt away the hurt inside him because Jonghyun was the only one who could.
With a forlorn but resolute sigh, Jinki rolled out of bed, wincing as his bare feet encountered the cold wood panels. He readjusted his sleep pants that had fallen far too low for comfort, exposing his subtly protruding hipbones. He stumbled slightly against the wooden post of his bed since he was trying to walk while still half asleep and attempting to straighten the fabric that had been twisted uncomfortably around his legs from his fitful sleep. He had never been good at multitasking. When he finally managed to right himself he could feel the bruise blossoming on the tender flesh above his knee but he was consequently much more awake. With a muttered curse and a quick ruffle of his hair, he proceeded to leave the comfort and solitude of his room.
Jinki tried to act normal; tried to pretend like everything was okay, but his swollen, red eyes left nothing to the imagination. He could feel the tangible tension that hung heavy over the whole dorm and it only made things even more difficult. He hated making his members worry, but even more than that, he hated being a disappointment. That was just what he was, a disappointment. He had failed the ones he was supposed to lead and it killed him inside to put on such an act. The repressed emotions from all five members were palpable. Jonghyun had obviously told the other two betas what had happened, leaving an unofficial divide within their small living space.
He forced a pained smile onto his face, taking his normal seat beside Jonghyun at the breakfast table and focused on not making this harder than it needed to be. It only made it worse that he felt so much relief to finally be near Jonghyun. It was unsettling how dependant his emotional state was on the younger now. His bond-mate’s presence had this disturbingly easy calming effect on his whole being.
“Are you hungry hyung?” Kibum asked dutifully. Jinki could see anger burning behind his eyes and it only served to cut him just a little deeper. A fleeting look towards the maknae told him that the betas of the dorm were on the same page. Of course Taemin and Kibum would blame this whole ordeal on him. They both knew what it was like to lose control and understood and empathized with Jonghyun’s stance. They both trusted Jinki to be better than some pheromone-driven alpha and he had let them down. He couldn’t even find it in himself to feel resentful toward them though. It was his fault. He did know better. He most definitely didn’t deserve to be offered breakfast like his actions didn’t threaten to tear apart the very fabric of their group dynamic.
Jinki nodded, giving a small, “Thank you,” as he helped himself to a small portion of the breakfast stew simmering on the stove. To be honest, the thought of food was far from appealing to him but he knew that he needed to eat if he was going to make it through the full day of meetings and photo ops they inevitable had.
The silence was practically suffocating as he took his seat once again.
“So what does our schedule look like today?” Jinki asked to no one in particular as he picked at his rice, stirring his soup rather mindlessly.
There was a pregnant pause before Minho finally spoke up, filling up the silence.
“We have an Etude promotion to shoot and then a prerecording for…”
Jinki tuned him out, simply glad that the weight of the silence was finally being lifted. He was finding it hard to concentrate on anything at all with Jonghyun sitting so close to him anyway. He found himself being keenly aware of every movement, every little quirk. Like how he immediately noticed that Jonghyun was drinking orange juice instead of his usual grape. Were they out? Was Jonghyun perhaps feeling like he was coming down with a cold and therefore was trying to boost his vitamin C intake? He also noticed that the younger was eating with his left hand today, noting a small bandage in his right index finger. While it was clearly nothing to worry about, probably just a minor cut, Jinki couldn’t help but want to panic. What had happened? Was he okay? Did it hurt? Did he use antiseptic like he was supposed to? He knew he was being irrational but it didn’t stop him from wanting to cradle the injured hand to his chest or attempt to kiss away the pain.
Was this really his life now? Fighting away the irrational urge to protect his bond-mate from paper cuts? In an instant he had gone from comforted by the younger’s presence to a mother hen needing to protect Jonghyun from himself. Jinki repressed a sigh, playing with his food once again as he waited for the others to finish eating so they could all get ready for another long day.
~~~
Jinki would have thought that bonding would make it easier for him to be around Taemin and Kibum, no longer having to suppress his alpha instincts; however, now it was more difficult to see the two of them for completely different reasons. They had both begun treating him so coolly; there was no emotion and none of their usual playfulness when they spoke. It was like there was a glass wall separating Jinki from the rest of the members. He felt isolated. Secluded. He knew he deserved it but it didn’t make it hurt any less. The members had always been his sanctuary away from the pressures of the career path he had chosen. The members understood because they were all in it together and it stung to have that safe haven so brutally ripped away from him when he needed it most.
Kibum was blatantly giving him the cold shoulder, a skill the younger had honed and perfected to art form status over the years. He only spoke when necessary and he’s words were short and clipped, making it obvious he would rather be doing anything at all than giving Jinki the time of day. He and Kibum had never had an easy relationship; Kibum being painfully blunt and Jinki just a touch too sensitive for them to ever get real close to each other, but he had always thought the two of them had found a comfortable understanding over the years. However, that all appeared to be shattered, leaving behind a heavy cloud of bitter awkwardness that remained stagnant whenever the two were in a room together.
Things were even worse with Taemin. Ever since their training days Jinki and been close with the youngest. He knew how Taemin still looked up to him and he had obviously fallen from his pedestal in the maknae’s mind. He had always strove to be a good role model for him and tried to be just a little bit worthy of the worshipful glances he received but it was all for naught now. He wanted so badly to fix it, fix everything and bring the group back together like they were before but it was hopeless. It simply wasn’t fixable.
Being around Jonghyun was obviously even more difficult for him. There was this all-consuming urge to be near him, hold him. It was as if his very being would only be at peace if Jonghyun were in his arms. And it hurt more than anything that he knew he couldn’t do that. He wasn’t allowed. And it was entirely his fault that he felt this way and would continue to feel this way for the rest of his life. He could only hope that the pain would lessen with time. There was a dull ache where his heart used to be. It only made it worse to see the guilt in the younger’s eyes. Jonghyun seemed to have some inclination of what kind of pain the situation was putting Jinki through and he felt bad about it, even if none of it was his fault.
However, Minho seemed to view the whole ordeal differently, his temper flaring quickly, taking personal offense to any hint of an accusation towards Jinki. It was tiring to say the least. Jinki began resigning himself to any room that didn’t contain the other members. It simply made things easier. When he was alone he didn’t have to pretend to be all right; he didn’t have to pretend to be emotionless. When he was alone he didn’t have to hide his brokenness for the sake of others.
Jinki spent a considerable amount of time online, researching his newfound predicament. He wasn’t quite sure how to go about finding a solution that didn’t involve Jonghyun because he highly doubted there were any. It was rare for alphas to bond with someone they weren’t serious with since bonding wasn’t something to be taken lightly. Generally, the thought of being eternally bound to someone you didn’t like was enough of a deterrent to convince an alpha to keep their knot under control. It was simply too easy to loose yourself to the overwhelming pheromone high that alphas and betas stuck to their own devices until they were ready for something serious.
However, his search turned out to be fruitless because the closest he could find were personal accounts of alphas whose betas had passed away. The stories were heartbreaking in a similar yet completely different way from Jinki’s own situation. Did it make it easier or harder to deal with the separation to know that his bond-mate was very much alive and well?
Jinki quickly cleared his browser history, not wanting Minho to find out what he was doing since the younger had taken it upon himself to watch out for Jinki, before flinging himself onto his bed to do some deep thinking. He could feel Jonghyun nearby and the thin walls of their apartment let his voice drift freely which gave Jinki some level of comfort. It eased his mind enough to let him sink into his own thoughts.
Jinki knew he was going to be miserable as long as Jonghyun rejected him. It was a fact. He might as well accept it so he could work towards moving on. Well, as much as one could move on in this kind of situation. So rather than dwelling on how terrible he felt inside, he tried to think of what could make him happy, something to help balance out the misery that was festering inside him, threatening to bubble over at any moment.
Jonghyun. Just because he wasn’t with Jonghyun didn’t mean the younger had or would cut Jinki out of his life entirely. They were still friends. He still saw Jonghyun everyday. It could be worse.
Maybe he could find some kernel of happiness in knowing that Jonghyun was a part of his life, simply knowing that Jonghyun was happy. It still caused a painful ache in his chest to think of Jonghyun being happy without needing him but he pushed it away. He felt like he was grasping at straws, but really, it was all he had left.
He quickly rolled out of bed, refusing to wallow in pity any longer. He decided to finally talk to Jonghyun. He couldn’t very well avoid him forever nor did he want to, so he might as well make an effort to smooth out their relationship.
He bit back a growl as he entered the living room to find Jonghyun and Kibum sitting far too close together as they chatted during a rerun of Star King. It made his stomach twist painfully and his deep-rooted alpha instincts screamed for him to show Kibum his place, however, Jinki was the leader for a reason. He took a deep breath, forcing his eyes closed as he pushed his thoughts away forcefully as he tried to retain his composure. He slowly blinked his eyes back open, a mental wall now securely in place to block his emotions from erupting again.
“Jonghyun, can we talk?” Jinki asked quietly, his face a stoic mask as he took in the scene before him.
“We are busy,” Kibum responded coldly, glaring obviously.
“Kibum,” Jonghyun muttered, his tone annoyed and his words clearly meant as a warning. He turned towards Jinki and gave him a weak smile, “Sure hyung.”
Jinki attempted to return the smile before turning on his heel, heading back into his room, leaving the door open for Jonghyun to follow. He pulled his desk chair around so they could face each other, settling himself on the bed because he didn’t think he could handle the mental picture of Jonghyun’s pale skin against his sheets. Those were not the thoughts he really needed to be entertaining at a time like this.
Jonghyun closed the door quietly behind himself, sitting down stiffly in the chair before turning his big, innocent eyes onto Jinki.
Jinki took a deep breath, willing his racing heart to calm as he dove headfirst into the speech he had mentally prepared, “Jonghyun, I know this situation is difficult on both of us but I really don’t want it to ruin the group or our friendship. I am really sorry, I know this isn’t what you wanted and I- Since I’ve bonded, you obviously know my feelings towards you and I can’t help that, and I know you don’t reciprocate those feelings and that is all right; it’s understandable. I just- I need to know that once the awkwardness wears off that we are going to go back to normal. I still consider you one of my best friends and I don’t want that to change, I don’t think I can bear it if that were to change,” Jinki pulled a pillow into his lap, clutching it protectively to his chest, his nerves on high alert as he glanced up at the younger, trying to read his posture.
“I know hyung. I don’t want this to change anything either. And you know I don’t blame you right? It was an accident; no one is at fault. You understand right? Why I can’t- umm- Anyway, I’ll try talking to the guys again, I know they keep being dicks towards you and that isn’t fair,” Jonghyun said honestly, his eyes hopeful.
“Don’t worry about it,” Jinki interjected, “I understand why they are upset and rightfully so.”
“Well still, they shouldn’t treat you like that. Hopefully we can just sweep this all under the rug and forget about it soon, right?” Jonghyun’s grin made Jinki swallow painfully, painting a matching expression on his face as his heart wrenched in his chest at the words. The idea that the man he is inexplicably in love with wanted to simply forget the event ever happened hurt more than he could have ever imagined.
Jinki painfully croaked out something that sounded like an affirmation but then Jonghyun gave him that smile, the one that made his head fuzzy and his heart feel like it would fly out of his chest and Jinki forgot what it even meant to hurt.
“Thanks hyung,” Jonghyun said softly, sincerity filled his tone; “I know this must be really difficult for you so thanks for understanding.”
Jinki merely nodded, knowing his voice would deceive him if he tried to speak. This was going to be a lot harder than he ever imagined.
~~~~~
Sorry this is beyond late. I got a bunny and pneumonia and both worked as excellent distractions. Pneumonia combined with the work stuff I had going on meant I was on the brink of death, plus it made me sleep all the time. More importantly, I had a spliting headache any time I was awake and that made writing no fun. Also, the bunny likes to run across my keyboard when I'm typing which isn't really conducive to productivity. But enough of my excuses...
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